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Venia
By : saxonjesus
Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man
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Disclaimer: We do not own D. Gray man and this a purely not for profit endeavor.
Chapter List
- 1-Venia
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 3
- 4
Part 4:
"I will murder that fucking Noah'd Moyashi!" The dark-haired man declared, brandishing a finger high into the air and attempting to sit up. Lavi held him down, which took a lot of effort. Even suffering from fever dreams, Yuu was strong and probably at his most dangerous.
"No, Yuu-chan, it'll take a long time to get back to do that, and by then, will you really want to?"
Yuu gave him a look that clearly stated his opinion on the matter. Then his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out. Sighing in relief, Lavi picked the damp towel up from the floor, re-wet it, and wiped away the sweat that accumulated since Yuu's "awakening." Letting it drape over his forehead in an attempt to keep the fever under control, Lavi finally sat back.
The last several days had been an adventure, to say the least. He'd been at Yuu's side almost constantly, as he was possibly the only man who knew how to stop Kanda from grabbing his sword and limping back up to England. Most of Yuu's fever dreams were about the war. Which was understandable. His entire life had been dedicated to the fight against the Millennium Earl, so most of his life had included watching others die. He had been right when he'd said they both knew how Marsain felt about the death of Major Brown.
There had been a service for the late Major the day after they'd returned, sweaty and blood-soaked. Out of respect, Lavi hadn't attended. He let the other Bookman take care of that particular duty.
That was his official story. But actually, he was too much of a coward to face the captain after he'd been so callous back at the stream. So he contented himself with his vigil and occupied himself with catching up on logs and translating them. Occasionally, he would pause, either due to some movement or sound Yuu had made in his sleep, and the redhead would run a hand through his lover's hair or wring out the washcloth on the man's forehead again. This routine continued for another day until the camp doctor returned to check in on his patient's progress.
Lavi hovered behind the young man impatiently, not trusting an inexperienced eye, but he had to admit, even an idiot could see that the bone was not setting properly.
"We need to rebreak the bone and reset it. He won't be able to walk if we leave it like this. Best to do it while he's unconscious," the doctor diagnosed. He said it casually, like this was something that happened all the time. Which, in a war zone such as this, was probably the case and meant Yuu actually was in capable hands.
It was a good thing the Japanese man was still asleep.
The young doctor reached into his medical bag and produced a sleek iron mallet. At once, Lavi's heart raced. Not with fear of the medical procedure about to unfold, but with longing to hold the mallet in his hands, to feel the rush of activated Innocence in his veins. He wanted to remember the power that had come with his hammer, if only for a moment. His mouth spoke for him before his brain could catch up.
"Can I hold that?"
The doctor looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, but he nodded. The mallet was much heavier than Oodzuchi Kodzuchi had been, but the familiar feel of metal in his grip was empowering. Lavi smiled without meaning to. He liked hammers.
When he handed it back, the doctor took a bottle of distilled vodka (the cheap shit, Lavi noted, half with disgust--vodka had been a good friend to him in the years between the end of the Innocence War and his reunion with Yuu) and cleaned the mallet off. After strapping Yuu down and pressing a stick between his teeth, the doctor proceeded.
Yuu started awake with a high-pitched scream that made him sound a little like Komui after learning of Lenalee's pregnancy. Or maybe like a constipated Allen.
Lavi watched as Yuu frothed while the doctor reset his leg and put it in a splint, giving him orders to stay in bed for at least a week. Then the doctor left them alone, and the redhead moved onto the bed, undoing the leather straps holding Yuu down.
"I will murder that fucker right now," Yuu said, scowling. The stick that had been in his mouth was now sitting in his lap. Lavi assumed he'd removed it with his tongue.
"He was only doing what is best for you," Lavi tried to reason, but Yuu's scowl just deepened. "Stop that. It could have been much worse. And he said you wouldn't ever be able to walk again if he didn't." He reached out a hand and ran it through the Japanese man's black hair.
"And my chances of walking now?"
"Much more likely. You might need to use a cane, though..." Lavi let his sentence drift off, afraid that Yuu would lash out. Instead, the man stayed silent, and when the Bookman looked into his face, all he saw was angered dejection and no small amount of obstinance.
"There is no way I will be more mutilated than Moyashi. Fuck the doctor, I won't need a fucking cane." The statement was said with such assertion that Lavi couldn't help but feel that it might be true. He smiled and ran his hand through Yuu's dark, obsidian hair. He didn't quite know how to say that he believed him. If anyone had a chance to beat the odds, it was his lover.
Leaning down, the redhead bent in to kiss Yuu. He was surprised when the other man met him halfway. Their lips played gently against each other, neither pushing nor pulling away. Each strand of Yuu's hair felt rough and neglected to Lavi's exploratory hand, and it, along with the coppery taste of blood, reminded him that it was better to let this moment lie. Desperate as he was for contact with the other man, he would not compromise Yuu's precarious health. His heart still leaped straight to his throat whenever the other man so much as coughed, making it difficult to breathe himself.
Breaking their kiss--pulling away slowly, as he was still hopeful for one more second of contact between them--Lavi let his forehead come to rest on Yuu's. He smiled, tried to show by the way he cupped his hands over Yuu's cheeks how truly worried he had been.
Fuck impartiality, he wanted to say, I would rather be right here by your side.
A swish in the background signaled another presence in the room. With grace unknown to his forty-ninth persona, Lavi sailed backwards through the air, releasing Yuu's face as he went.
"You know, gentlemen," said Captain Marsain, "you're terrible at hiding your... liaison. Perhaps you have not heard of putting your helmet in front of your tent?"
Lavi's tongue swished rabidly around his mouth, searching for sounds that could potentially form into coherent words.
"Apparently not."
"Er.... what are you--"
"I can't visit a wounded soldier?" Asked Marsain, cutting through Lavi's speech like it was mist on a foggy morning. His words withered away until all that was left was a sprinkle of dew. Closing his mouth, Lavi managed a stiff nod and moved to better Marsain's view.
It was very difficult to speak when silence hung like an oppressive blanket. Lavi sat down in a chair near Yuu's bed, more for something to do than out of necessity. It wasn't military protocol, per se, but the captain didn't make a mention of it.
"You are a very odd Bookman," Marsain said several minutes later. Lightning hit Lavi's heart. He had tried very hard not to show his emotions--he'd known from the beginning that the captain had seen the interactions between him and Yuu, and his suspicions had turned concrete when he'd walked in on them, but he had hoped that their relationship would be perceived more as stress relief than anything else.
"I... how do you mean?" The redhead asked. He felt as if his vocal cords were going to tear out of his throat in an attempt to make sound.
Marsain only smiled. Perhaps to some, it would seem mysterious, but Lavi saw the smugness, the surety, beneath the expression. It was saying, "you know exactly what I mean." Lavi felt a sigh bubble up from his chest and let it roll forth into the world.
"Being a participant in a war changes things." He hadn't realized he had given up on his façade until after he'd spoken.
"Yes." Marsain's tone had changed. Instead of being tight, controlled, it was now freer, like a tension had been released. His back, forever straight and eternally stiff, loosened and slouched. For the first time since they'd met, Marsain seemed like a normal person. His face nearly sagged with the weight of emotion.
"You learn to trust, and you learn to love. You can't stay objective in such a subjective environment. It's impossible. You'd die." How many times had he found himself lost among the stacks of books at the back of the library, trying not to feel, pushing his thoughts away?
"You make friends that never leave you..."
"...Not even after death," Lavi finished. He looked directly into Marsain's eyes and saw true sorrow in them. The man shook his head in agreement.
"Brown and I were in basic training together. We took leave at the same time, went to a bar together... met us two gorgeous ladies--twins, if you'll believe me. Married 'em next time we were both home--shared a wedding. We were brothers. Saved my neck too many times to count." Marsain shook his head ruefully.
"Yeah..." Lavi said quietly. "You meet people who just... stay with you, and they keep coming back, even if you pretend to hate them..." He shot a quick glance at Yuu.
Yuu was not ink on paper, and nor, he realized, was he. Each of them had a background, a story, that couldn't ever be erased. There would always be people who knew them, who would carry on their memory. Generations later, it would not matter who they were or what they loved, and maybe then they could safely rest in the black lettering of ancient tomes. But even then, their depth of character could not be expressed. It did not matter if they were forgotten, so long as they were remembered by those to whom they were close.
The same applied to Marsain, to Brown, perhaps even to the whole world. Objectivity could only get an observer so far. Subjectivity, on the other hand, allowed you to see into every crevice of a person. Marsain was so much more than the captain who led this particular company. Maybe they would do something in this terrible war to bring victory to the Americans. That could be recorded without bias--as long as a second record of the opposing side existed alongside it--but it made no sense for the recorder himself to be completely emotionless. Bookmen did not need to be soulless worshipers of the impassive.
For the first time in his life, Lavi felt that he could care without repercussions.
Lavi was no longer a Bookman.
"Call me Lavi," he said to Marsain. The man's eyes snapped to his, his shoulders raising as if being called to attention by a puppeteer. Had they been silent for long? Glancing over at Yuu, who had thankfully fallen asleep, Lavi concluded that perhaps he had lost track of the time. "Not in front of the other Bookman, mind, but... when we are alone, you may call me by the name that has stuck with me the longest."
The tent flap rustled as a light breeze swept over the encampment.
"You will still refer to me as your captain as long as you are under my orders." The captain's spirit seemed to have returned.
"Yes, sir!"
Yuu shifted a bit, moaned, but did not awaken.
"But if you want to call me Jack when we are alone, I wouldn't be opposed." Marsain winked.
"I'm sorry," Lavi said, struck with an abrupt need to make amends, "for being so rude about Brown's... death."
Marsain waved a hand in dismissal, though his expression turned serious. "I think I understand now. Consider yourself... mostly forgiven." The captain smiled briefly and left the tent. Lavi heard him greet someone outside, but within moments, the man was out of earshot. Yuu shifted again, but this time he awoke with a shout. Lavi turned to look at him and saw his splinted leg dangling off the edge of the mattress.
---
It was a long and uneventful week. There was no military action, no sign of a continued attack from the Spanish, and no new orders from the general. The camp was unsettled and antsy from inactivity--you could only drill men on the same thing for so long before dissent steeped the ranks. Though Lavi didn't spend much time out among the soldiers in that time, he heard things from the other Bookman. The redhead spent his days translating his logs and making sure Yuu was taken care of.

The doctor came every other day to check on the condition of the dark-haired man's leg. For the first few days, things had looked grim. The young doctor had had to drain the wound of infection three days after it had been re-broken and again on his next visit, with Lavi standing vigil both times, just in case his lover got violent in protest of his treatment. But he didn't, though Lavi might have preferred if he had. Instead, the Japanese man stayed in a semi-conscious state the entire time, mumbling interesting insights into his subconscious. Occasionally he thrashed, but each time he stopped with a curse or a scream and returned to his hallucinations.

The redhead had moved all of his writing implements next to the chair he had parked by the sickbed, within easy reach of both his lover and the tools of his trade. If he wanted to admit it, he was absolutely terrified of what could happen. He couldn't sleep properly, and even though the man was only on the opposite side of the room, Lavi couldn't bring himself to leave Yuu's side. It felt as if it would be a betrayal of the man's trust to leave him, even for a moment, when he was at the weakest he had ever been. But he wouldn't be admitting anything anytime soon, so he just stayed where he was and waited for some sort of coherent sentence to signal the breaking of a fever.
It came exactly two weeks after their return to camp. Marsain was in the tent with Lavi, something that he found more and more excuses to do, as the redhead scratched sentence after sentence of newly-translated material into his logbook.
"Do you always work so hard?" The man asked. Lavi didn't answer, too busy with his work to even acknowledge the question. If he didn't meet his self-set quota of translations for the day, he would not get nearly as much sleep as he would want.
"Do you want some help?" Marsain asked a minute later. It was possible that he felt antsy, or a tad bit useless, since the death of his friend, Lavi thought. This time, he deemed it necessary to respond, so he shook his head sharply, once to each side.
"I need to meet my quota," he said tersely.
"And I could help you do so," the captain offered. He leaned forward, held a hand out into the space between them.
"You can't."
"I'm certain I can be of--"
Lavi turned with such speed that when he shoved the translation under the captain's nose, the man's eyes bugged out and he flinched backward. "Can you write this language?" He asked, scowling. How dare the captain interrupt him while he was hurriedly trying to finish his logs.
"No," said Marsain. He seemed rather stupefied, sitting ramrod straight and blinking like a dog who'd just had his favorite bone snapped in half and tossed into the neighbors' yard.
"Then you can't help me," Lavi said promptly, turning back around and pressing his pen once more into the page. It scratched almost merrily as feverish words surged from its nib.
Lavi stayed in that position for several hours. Gradually, his sharp lines and regal loops faded into loose, sloppy curves of ink. Yawning, he scratched his head, stretched out his cramping hand for the umpteenth time.
It was late, his quota was unreached, he was sleepy. He sighed. He still had too much to do yet--another hundred pages or so--and he wasn't sure if he could accomplish that. Perhaps his goal had been a bit unrealistic. Perhaps he should just... take a rest...
The idea sounded heavenly, just like the thought of a pillow and bed. It wouldn't take much to walk over to his bedroll and curl up on it, let the fatigue ferry him directly to sleep. He closed his eyes, smiling. Yes, he just needed to get up. He saw himself standing and making his way over, but he wasn't sure if he made it or not before a strange noise arose him.
---
A noise, like a cat stuck in a barrel being rolled down a hill, seemed to puncture whatever bubble had surrounded his awareness for what seemed like an eternity and finally it looked like he could keep his eyes open longer than a few seconds.

The world didn't spin and the strange black and red dots weren't doing the familiar waltz across his vision when he looked up at the ceiling. It also didn't feel like he was freezing and suffocating from the heat at the same time anymore.

The yowling-rumbling sound struck again, and this time, the Japanese man looked over to find its source. He wasn't surprised by what he found.

The redhead had fallen asleep in his chair, a common sight during the years at the Order and once again since they had arrived. Lavi was slouched in his chair, head lolling off of the back, obviously constricting his airways and causing what had to be the strangest sounding snore in the world.

The Japanese man tried to sit up, but it seemed gravity still didn't have its priorities straight and his head hit the army standard lumpy pillow with a thud that sent a sharp needle of pain through his leg. Biting back a curse in an attempt not to wake his idiot, the Japanese man covered his mouth so only a slight moan could be heard. Maybe he was losing his touch at stealth, because the redhead stirred at the sound.

What was surprising about this situation was his lack of detail on how he had come to be there. It was all vague and blurry when he looked back to his imprisonment. He wondered how long the redhead had been waiting for him to wake up. It wouldn't surprise him if the man had been with him the entire time during his recovery. It was almost endearing, the fact that Lavi would give up sleep to make sure he was comfortable. Almost. Because that snore was really starting to get on his nerves.

"Lavi," he managed to grate out past the iron cage that his throat had become. It came out scratchy and barely resembling speech, but it got the job done. The rabbit stirred, or rather, jumped into awareness.

The man looked around blearily and Yuu wondered how much sleep the other man had managed in the past few days. No doubt he would have been working himself to the bone trying the catch up on his logs. Green eyes scanned the room, confused, until they met the Japanese man's dark ones and a sudden elated expression overtook the idiot's face.

"You're alive!" He exclaimed, nearly falling out of the chair in his enthusiasm.

"Of course I am, did you think I was dead?" Yuu asked, dumbfounded by his lover's excitement.

"No, I mean your fever broke, you're going to be okay!"
"I had a fever?" He asked as Lavi slipped a hand into his.
"Yes! You nearly died! And then, with your leg..." The rabbit looked away.
"What about my leg?" It still hurt, of course. He remembered the shot that had torn through it, the painful way the Spaniards had broken it, and vaguely, he remembered breaking it again. Presumably, it had gotten infected further.
Lavi's face drooped a bit.

"You almost lost it. If the infection didn't get better soon, well, it would either be lose the leg or watch you die."
"Well, yes, I realized that when you insisted on rebreaking it."
"You think I wouldn't do anything to make sure you lived!?" Lavi shouted, standing up. Yuu paused. That had not been the response he had been anticipating. Lavi's shoulders rose and fell with the sudden force of his breaths, and such fine trembling overtook his limbs that he seemed almost to be swaying. And there it was, hidden deep down, away from the prying eyes of those who didn't care or wouldn't understand, sealed away in case the worst truly did come to pass. There, in his eyes, if one cared enough to look and know exactly how much it meant, was the fear. The fear of losing what might be his one connection to humanity, to sanity, to everything that made life liveable. It was subtle but obvious to those who understood, who had that same fear.

It radiated through the man like electricity, making it that much more apparent that Yuu was the one who needed to apologize.

"You... came to get me."
"Yes."

He had expected to be left for dead, that he would have been reported missing and then killed in action. Maybe he had underestimated how much Lavi cared. Perhaps he had been exceedingly dense to have missed that fear all these months. Because there was no faking the emotion there, no one was that good of an actor.
"You... would do it again."
"Yes." Lavi nodded in emphasis, his voice cracking with emotion.
"Why?" He needed to know, needed to make sure...
"You idiot!"
The redhead stepped forward until they were very close. Small droplets of moisture clung, desperate not to fall, to Lavi's eyelashes. And then a painful stinging sensation flowed over Yuu's left cheek. His head flew sideways, his vision dulled for a moment. His face throbbed.
"You really don't realize how important you are, do you?" With a sigh, Lavi retreated back to his chair.

Yuu didn't know how to respond. All his words had drained away, leaving not a trace behind.
"You know, I cried when I thought Allen had died, way back when Tyki attempted to kill him. But when I thought you had died, I decided to devote myself to becoming a Bookman. Did you know that if you asked, I would give it all up, fake my death, and be with you for as long as you wanted me?"
No, he hadn't known that. But how exactly was he supposed to say that? So he stayed silent, hoping a better explanation would be forthcoming.
"You're the only thing in this world that makes it tolerable. Even if you never wanted to see me again, I'd probably just follow you around just to keep the world from completely destroying what remains of my sanity and so that I can be sure that I'm still human in some way. After I left, I didn't feel human for so long, so please, don't ask me why, alright?"

Looking up, Yuu saw him hanging his head, a hand drawing slowly through tangled hair and a look that seemed haunted, troubled by worries that no man should ever bear. Lavi was right, he shouldn't have to, or want to, ask. When he had decided to follow Lavi to this godforsaken island, he had told himself that he would let Lavi regain his trust, he would allow himself to reform the bonds. But he had been too blinded by overwork, exhaustion, and agitation to truly allow the man any closer.

But the redhead had proven to Yuu just how loyal he could be. He had come to his rescue, snuck into an enemy base to retrieve him. Had risked his life, just to save Yuu's. That should have been enough for him. And it was, now that he had finally had some sense slapped into him.

Reaching up, he grasped Lavi's hand.

"You're right. I was an idiot." He waited for the redhead to look at him, for any movement to happen before he finished his sentiment. He wanted the other man to know he truly meant his apology. When Lavi finally made eye contact, he concluded his statement. "I'm sorry, Lavi."
He tugged lightly at Lavi's hands, urging him to join him on the bedroll, but when he did, it was more of a melt-and-plop sort of motion. He oozed from the chair, his knees hitting the bedroll roughly. Though it was muffled, there was still a thunk, but Lavi's face showed no pain. Yuu raised a hand from the redhead's grip to his cheek, letting it come to rest on the rough, unshaven flesh. Lavi repeated the gesture on him, pulled him in closely, until their noses were touching.
There was nothing quite like being so close that you could share breath, feel for yourself that your lover was perfectly alive. Yuu dropped Lavi's other hand, snaked his arm around his lover's back. With chests touching, the thundering of Lavi's heart against his ribcage only reinforced the fact that he was living, breathing, feeling.
Heat met his cheeks, his ears, the back of his neck as their breath slowly began to mingle. He pulled them closer yet, and Lavi shifted, dropped his hands so that they could hold them steady in their embrace. A sudden prickling behind his eyes alerted him to how strongly he felt.
He wasn't hiding or running or chasing after some sort of nostalgia when he kissed him.
They were so close that each breath smelled strongly of Lavi, a scent that always, always, made his blood pump faster, made his world seem urgent. The pit of his stomach curled in on itself, tightened, let off spark after spark until he had pulled Lavi further into his embrace. The rabbit lost his balance, fell into him, so he pushed him down, worked a knee between Lavi's legs, rubbed as best he could.
Pain shot up his supporting leg--the one he'd broken--and he couldn't ignore it. His vision swam, and his arms collapsed beneath him. Lavi let out a harsh grunt as Yuu came crashing down. He tried to pull away, but Yuu was through keeping his distance. All he wanted was just to smell Lavi again, hold him so tight that he could never escape. With a fair amount of strength, he managed to roll them both so that the agony dulling his mind and keeping him from his goal faded away.
And Lavi was still there, just... on top of him now. He'd forgotten how sexy the redhead was from this angle. But he looked away. Damn it, horny rabbits were supposed to be paying attention to him, not gazing off into space--and definitely not getting up!
"Where are you going?" He asked, hating himself a little for the disappointment he heard in his tone. But they had been kissing, and Lavi did deserve to be as mean as he wanted after Yuu had been such an asshole.
"The tent! We've already been found out twice, and if we're going to fuck--" lewd as always, Lavi, Yuu thought, a smile curling his lips upward, "--the tent sure as hell better be as sealed as it can get."
The redhead returned a minute or so later, having finished securing their quarters. He returned to the position he'd left.
"Are you sure you're up for this?" Lavi asked. Yuu could only nod. The second Lavi had returned, his throat tensed up in tandem with his stomach. It seemed his brain was hardwired for only a few actions right now, and talking was not among them. When Lavi's lips touched his again, he sighed, the knot in his throat loosening its desperate grip.
"Yes," he said. Lavi's hand smoothed across his cheek and back into his hair. Where it got stuck. Yuu grunted, eyes squinting up even though they were closed. He despised foreign objects getting stuck in his hair. A rumble came from deep inside his lover's chest, which was pressed so very close to his, and teeth met his bottom lip as Lavi sought to distract him. Instead of pulling away, the hand clasped the back of his scalp and drew him even closer.
Very slowly, probably to gauge his reaction, Lavi's tongue prodded at his lips. He opened his mouth, allowed their breath and tongues and spit to mingle and dance against one another. Each caress from his lover's tongue shot a thrill of something electric into his middle, and the iron-tight hold on his head only made him feel safe.
Safety was not something he had imagined he'd ever feel with Lavi again, but as he broke their kiss and pulled away, only to peck and nibble at the redhead's neck, he was positive that was the lulling, warm sensation he'd been experiencing just a moment before.

Yuu slid farther down onto the bedroll as his head was released from Lavi's grip. Their eyes met for a moment, and in that instant he could see the hesitation, the doubt about what they were doing. The redhead was still concerned for his health, and granted, he would probably be sore in the morning, but he really didn't give a shit at the moment because this needed to happen. Without giving his lover the opportunity to back away, Yuu slid his arms around the back of Lavi's neck and pulled the larger man back down so that he wouldn't have another chance to think stupid thoughts.
He kissed with force, requiring a response, as he moved his hands to Lavi's collar and then to the buttons on his shirt. This wasn't the Order, so he had to concentrate on not ripping the buttons--they would have to repair the damage themselves--while still taking as little time as possible. His fingers fumbled like a virgin's on the last one, which he could not undo. But he wanted to kiss, to touch...
Lavi knew how to sew, he thought, grinning against his lover's lips as he ripped off the rest of the shirt and tossed it somewhere that was not the bedroll. Maybe.
The redhead had gained many scars since the end of the war. His once-flawless stomach now held three, two running parallel like train tracks up to his chest and the third, deep and circular, located just below his ribs. He stopped kissing, let a hand run over the soft spattering of hair until it reached the circle scar.
"You were shot," he said, and let his fingers flutter over it with care.
"Yes." Lavi leaned down and started in on Yuu's neck, grazing his lips over his skin so lightly that it nearly tickled. The dark-haired man shuddered, a long shudder, from his tailbone all the way to the top of his head. It reminded him of when Lavi did that over his chest, or over his...
He needed more kissing.

A hand crept slowly under his shirt, following familiar--though faded through time and disuse--lines of muscle and bone, undoing buttons in a much more casual way than the dark-haired man had managed earlier. With a grin, Lavi met Yuu's eyes. The redhead raised his eyebrows suggestively and then lowered his head. Something warm and wet briefly met his collarbone, slowly edging downward with every hurried breath Yuu drew in. He gasped as a hand came to rest on his chest, doodling half-forgotten patterns over it.
He choked on his next incoming breath as Lavi's curious fingers traced a line over his nipple. In the next moment, he couldn't breathe at all, for that warm, wet thing had reached its goal. He felt a trace of teeth, gently working his nipple until he lost control of his voice and moaned.
Arching upward in the hope of intensifying the sensations, Yuu realized he'd missed this--the slow, luxurious pace that had been abandoned six years ago along with Lavi's forty-ninth persona. And he wanted it, so much that he surrendered himself completely to what he was feeling.
"Yuu, not so tight," Lavi said, abandoning his chest and grimacing. Yuu frowned. What was wrong? Why had Lavi stopped? The redhead leaned backward, and Yuu scrabbled to get a hold to pull him back, but his hands were not where he thought they were. When had they attached themselves to Lavi's waist?
A sparkle of crimson beneath his fingers made Yuu realize that something was wrong. Lavi's face was still scrunched up in that grimace, only now, his eyes were tensed and half-closed.
"Sorry," he said, and he meant it. Carefully, he loosened his hold, drew his hands back and let them fall to his sides. Lavi's lips caught his again a moment later, and then the hand was back, and then oh, God, it was on his thigh. Rubbing little circles. Moving slowly inward. He wriggled a little beneath Lavi so that he could perhaps force this to go faster. Fuck luxurious, he wanted that hand to hurry up and go where it was headed. To emphasize this want, he scowled fiercely at his lover and then kissed him hard, biting a little too roughly on his lower lip.
The hand ignored his plea, passed right next to where he wanted it, spent a moment right at his waistband, playing with his belt buckle.
"Lavi!"
"Heh. Sorry, Yuu, but you know you like it better this way."
"Che, you just like torture."
They kissed again. Surface kisses, as they'd probably knock teeth otherwise. Not that Yuu really cared all that much. But maybe Lavi did.
The hand moved up his stomach. Scowl deepening, Yuu moved his own hands to play at Lavi's own waistband. He undid the belt with much more grace than he had the buttons. Lavi leaned back, opening his eyes as he did so. Yuu smirked and then pulled the idiot back so that their mouths could touch again and so that he could have his way with the idiot's mouth. Careful to keep his movements smooth, Yuu slipped his tongue into Lavi's mouth, taking the same moment to let his hands drift to the idiot's ass. He gave a little squeeze, and Lavi sighed into his mouth.
"Mmm, like that...."
"Shut it."
One of Lavi's hands slid back into his hair while the other undid his belt. Success.

Things did not go fast from there, not like Yuu wanted, screw slow and luxurious. Instead, Lavi pulled the belt and whipped it away as one would a snake. And then he placed his hand just above the waistband. Palm down, unmoving, just waiting. Yuu watched him, waited for him to do something, but after a long, pregnant pause wherein the hand moved not at all, he understood.
"Idiot!" He said. There was a whine, maybe a bit of a whimper, on the desperate backwash of the word. He squeezed Lavi's ass hard, moved a finger to point just so in the fabric-covered cleft.
Lavi grunted. Yuu smiled. The hand moved. Slowly, almost languidly, it slithered away from his bare stomach until the fingers were halfheartedly fondling the button holding his pants together. Yuu wished he was in his loose, drawstringed pants that he'd come to love at the Order. They were more comfortable and stayed up just as well. Instead he was in a new pair of fatigues, the pants shorn to just above his knees. Damned buttons. He'd hated them just as much during the Innocence War.
"Get on with it already!"
At last his pants were down. He arched forward, following that elusive hand as it fluttered away, as fickle as Lavi's emotions had once been. Goddamn it. Yuu attempted to roll over, make Lavi do what he fucking wanted. But his vision went blank, followed milliseconds later by a pain so fierce he forgot he even had a leg. Surely it had been lobbed off. This was just the stump bleeding his life away. He was still back in that miserable room, dirt floor, wooden bench, and all. There was no way he wasn't.
His vision cleared. He was on his back again, Lavi leaning over him, pinning him down, all lust gone from his eyes.
"Christ, Yuu. Jesus. Are you alright?"
"Yeah... just hurts."
"Yeah, I got that. How could you forget your leg is broken?"
"I was a bit busy."
"Oh, please. It's gotta still be throbbing, even with all the kissin' an' stuff."
"It just happened, okay?"
There was only silence and a stare that Yuu would have sworn was coming from both eyes if he hadn't known for sure that the right one was blinder than a rock in the dark.
"You don't believe me."
"No, no, I do."
"Just fucking touch me already."
"Fine."
The hand grabbed him (finally) and moved slowly up his length. Light fingers followed the underside as the grip faded away and moved back down. A solitary finger followed the vein back up. Yuu bucked without meaning to. The abrupt sensation was such an antithesis to the earlier absence that he was not quite in control. Actually, judging by the goosebumps on his flesh and the way he was panting, too fast, too hard, he'd lost control long ago. Then Lavi affixed his mouth to Yuu's arousal and his stupid rational thoughts flew out of the tent with the passing breeze.
"Shit!" His hands flew to his sides, to the mattress, and he held them tightly to keep himself from being loud. His legs tensed up, the toes on his uninjured foot curled up. His eyes squeezed shut. There was just Lavi and that feeling and all those bitter memories turned sweet again. Yuu felt one of those traitorously light hands push down, finally firm, on his hip.
"Whoa there, Yuu-chan, don't kill me."
What did he do? "Sorry," he said anyway. Whatever he'd done, he meant it. But thought was still far away, an elusive idea at the very edge of his brain, the part that was hibernating at the moment.
Lavi cleared his throat, coughed a little. Grimaced. He coughed again and then the feeling was back and Yuu was floating away from the pain and from this stupid war. His stomach was starting to feel warm and tense.
"Don't stop."
"I won't," he said.
"Liar."
"Huh?"
"You stopped just now."
"Well that's your fault, isn't it?" His hand slowly moved to do the job his mouth had abandoned, and Yuu quite forgot his indignant response. Instead he just lay there because it felt good and if he moved, his leg would hurt. Though he didn't think he would care all that much right now. He rolled his hips forward, and Lavi responded by moving his hand faster. Yuu moaned. At that, Lavi shifted his weight. Yuu noticed his other hand slipping between them. The man's eyes closed, his mouth opened, he let out a huge breath. It was sexy. Yuu had forgotten how much.
It was only with a good bit of self-control that Yuu managed not to move at all as Lavi's now occupied hand stroked his own erection to life. The man was trembling and the muscles of his thighs, tight against his hips and waist, stood out stark and defined from the rest of the flesh. There were some who might have said that Lavi had let his body go a bit since the war, but this proved them wrong. Yuu's mouth went dry.
He didn't mind when the hand on his arousal slowed and then stopped, resting there as Lavi concentrated thoroughly on getting himself prepared. His hand moved slowly up to his hip, and he had to arch a little, lining up their aching flesh, to reach around and prod into himself. He paused only a moment to procure a means of lubrication with the hand on Yuu's arousal, but then the hand was back--which was good, the absence of contact had been chilling. Lavi moaned and sighed and arched-arched-arched until the space between them was humid. The entire time, that hand lay perfectly still on Yuu, and somehow that was more erotic than anything else Lavi could have done. He was panting harder than the redhead when Lavi spread the lubrication over him and adjusted himself. He pressed down, so slow. Yuu's eyes entered a tunnel.
"Lavi."
"Mmm."
"Stopping... forbidden..." He whispered in Japanese. The sound was pulled, rasping, from his throat. His eyes fell shut. They moved together, but it was not even. Yuu was injured, so he only shifted as much as he could, and it seemed that Lavi was more than content to do more than half the work. He made Yuu's frail thrusts seem hard and long, passionate and demanding. He did this for them both, and though Yuu was limited in his movements, Lavi's momentum carried into him and sparked something that could not have been achieved alone.
They shuddered together each time they met. At some point, Yuu's hand found one of Lavi's. The redhead leaned forward, still moving almost double, gasping and contorting himself and making all sorts of stupid noises that seemed red-hot and fiery in the moment. Droplets of sweat fell like salty rain from the ends of Lavi's hair. Lavi came first, and then nearly a minute later was Yuu. The redhead removed himself from atop Yuu and moved so that he was beside him. He grabbed a blanket and covered them both with it, then nuzzled up into Yuu's bare chest, using it almost as a pillow. With one finger, he traced a few torpid circles along the place where Yuu's Lotus tattoo had once been. The wind seemed to pick up, judging by how the bushes rustled outside their tent.
"I'm glad you're okay," he finally said. The silence he'd broken and the one that followed his statement were both relaxed, undemanding. There was nothing that needed to be added to what he'd said. It was simply fact.
"Yes," Yuu said long after Lavi had fallen asleep.
It was long, long minutes later when he shifted, grabbed their discarded clothes as best he could, and dressed himself. He prodded Lavi awake after an hour or so and made him dress too. As much as he wanted the warmth and that damned stupid afterglow and all that other closeness shit, they could not be seen together like this, so he sent Lavi back to his own bedroll. From there, they both fell asleep. Yuu did not dream. Not that he could recall. But if he had dreamed, he did not remember a thing. Such bliss.

---
Rain is a terrible thing in the Caribbean. It just makes things wet and increases the humidity to somewhere between sopping and underwater. Rain was supposed to bring relief to the heat, give a brief respite from the hellish weather. But no, things could never work out in his favor, it seemed. The ink was running down the pages of his logbooks as Lavi struggled to find shelter from the sudden storm. It had come from out of nowhere, the clouds bursting open in an apocalyptic deluge. The small canopy of a nearby tree was his only sanctuary. Unfortunately, it was also where the other Bookman had taken cover. The redhead situated himself as far as he could from the old man without appearing to be purposefully avoiding him.

The soldiers continued to drill despite the downpour. The only sounds were the clashing of swords and the firing of rifles, but even those seemed intermittent in the silence between the two men.

"You're playing a dangerous game, Bookman." The silvery haired man didn't look at him as he spoke, just continued to stare through the pelting raindrops at the soldiers. Lavi was stunned. He knew what the man meant, but... hadn't he been more careful, had Marsain let something slip?

"I don't believe I understand your meaning," Lavi answered, not sure how to proceed, he really didn't fancy having to kill this Bookman to keep his secret.

"Of course not, but then again, we are all forced to bend the rules just a little to survive in this world. Don't you agree?" This time the man did look at him, a worn expression etched into his wrinkles. There was no harmful intent there, hidden or not. The redhead was speechless. What was this old man talking about?

"But, it would appear that times are changing. For us and for the rest of the world. There are those out there who would wish for us to disappear, and while most of our guild would accept this fate, there are some who are not as... complacent." The wizened gentleman spoke with the conviction of someone willingly facing death.

"What do you mean? What's changing?" A sudden panic had set itself into Lavi's chest. If what the old man was implying was true, then...

"I have received a letter from another Bookman. All active Bookmen are to report to the main library for... decommissioning. It would appear that those with skills such as our own have become more of a threat than an asset to certain powers. I have given you this warning because unlike me, you appear to have some reason to live, some desire to continue walking this forsaken world. I will only offer this once. Leave, disappear, I will write you both from the record as if you were mere casualties. Do not look back." The Bookman's words were strong and unwavering, like he had found some renewed meaning to his existence that he had been lacking in his previous speech. There was no misinterpreting what he meant.

"Go now, before it's too late."

It was like his mind hadn't even registered the words before Lavi was up and making his way (slowly, as to not draw attention) across the campground. He knew what needed to happen. Throwing open the tent flap, Lavi immediately began tossing every vital thing he owned into his pack. Yuu was still asleep thankfully, he'd pack both their things before waking the man and telling him the dire news.

His stack of books came crashing down. He cursed a bit too loudly as several landed on his feet. Frantically, he scrambled to move them out of his way and continued packing. His adrenaline levels were spiking with each passing moment. He needed to calm down, to think rationally. He took a few deep breaths. He felt his pulse slow slightly.

Something touched his shoulder and he yelped, turning abruptly to face whatever threat stood between his and Yuu's escape.

"Oh, Y-Yuu, you're awake!" The redhead stuttered from surprise.

"Well, of course, if you make such a racket. What's wrong?" The dark-haired man glared at him with sleep-hazed eyes. Even half-asleep it would be obvious that something was happening. Well, since he was awake, that meant they could leave faster.

"We have to leave. Now. I'll explain once we're safe. Now, help me pack." It must have been the blatant fear and anxiety in his voice, but the Japanese man merely looked at him, nodded, and began to gather his things without a sound.

The bugle call for lunch and the great exodus to the mess area disguised their departure. The only one to see them depart was the old Bookman, who simply nodded as he watched them disappear into the forest surrounding the camp.

It was slow going for two reasons: because it was still raining, and because the crutch that had been fashioned for Yuu had broken a few miles out. But they continued on, Lavi supporting the bulk of Yuu's weight, stopping only to eat and rest when Yuu was too exhausted to continue.

It took nearly a full day to reach the port. They crept into the city in the middle of the night, and they had only to wait by the dock to procure passage to the Port of Key West. It didn't take long, refugee ships left at almost constant intervals. The voyage felt like it passed in a blink of an eye to Lavi, as he sat smashed up against Yuu and an old crotchety lady with a basket in her lap. When they arrived in Port of Key West, it was the eerie dark just before dawn. As Lavi bargained for passage to the mainland, Yuu stood vigilant by his side, looking out for an unknown enemy. It felt similar to all those years ago. It was nice to be able to have someone at his back again.

Having bartered for third class on a passenger ship to New York, they settled into their small cabin below deck. For the first time in what felt like weeks, he breathed unrestrained by fear and tension. Even though the respite would only last until they reached their destination.
Yuu sat across from him with one leg tucked in and the broken one stretched out. He looked gaunt, weary with unfocused eyes. He swayed a little bit backwards. With what looked like severe self-discipline, he shook his head and blinked hard, hair swaying about him such that the very ends brushed at Lavi's chest. Then he leaned forward. When he spoke, his voice was soft, nearly gentle, but that could have been the exhaustion.
"Will you tell me what this is about?"
Lavi answered with a quick summary of what the other Bookman had told him. "I can't lose this, Yuu, not this life, nor the people I've gotten close to," he finished. During his entire speech, his eyes never once strayed from Yuu's.
"I would not expect you to want to die." Yuu spoke slowly, choosing his words with care.
"If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have--"
"I know."
"I wasn't in a--"
"I know. Me either."
Lavi blinked.
"Now stop pitying yourself and help me up into the hammock. I'm tired." As if to prove his point, Yuu yawned, which set Lavi off and which got Yuu going again. With a steeling breath, Lavi raised himself to his feet and offered a hand to his lover. The man wobbled a bit, unsteady with the rocking of the ship and the terrible annoyance of only having the use of one leg.
"Yuu," Lavi said.
"What."
"We'll be safe. I promise."
"I know." Yuu looked at Lavi for a brief moment and smiled. The corners of his mouth lifted only slightly, but he looked at peace and much more relaxed than he should have been in this situation. Lavi dared himself to lean in and kiss Yuu. The man's smile twitched upward for a moment. Then, "oi, get me in the damned hammock already."
"No need to be grumpy," Lavi muttered. He turned Yuu around and helped maneuver him into his bed.
"There's always a need to be grumpy."
"Bastard."
"Rabbit."
Lavi paused mid-step exactly three paces from his own hammock. He knew that tone, because there was that smile in it, the one Yuu used when he wasn't serious or just wanted to rile him up... He'd missed it. More than he'd realized. He made another wager with himself.
"I... love you."
"I feel the same way. Now shut up and sleep." The man was not angry in the least when he spoke. Again there was just that peace, like he'd come to terms with something that had been weighing down on him since their second meeting in that coffee shop in London.
---
Lenalee slammed her fist into the dough with more force than was necessary. "Komui, please, I don't have time to stop kneading. I just fed her an hour ago, so she can't be hungry, something else must be up. You're her uncle, so please take care of her." Using her free hand to sprinkle some flour onto the dough to keep it from sticking, she gave herself enough freedom to glance over at her brother. He was looking back and forth between her and the baby. "I'll make you coffee if you do." She shouldn't have had to use that as incentive.
Her brother lifted Lilian from her crib situated in the sitting room and proceeded to coo and cluck at her. Lenalee turned back to her work. The oven was still piping hot, so the cookies would be done soon. She pounded the dough again, folded it in on itself, rotated it, and hit it again.
Allen was working late today. He'd eaten the last piece of bread this morning, so she was making more. All the while, her child cried and screeched.
"Lenalee..." Komui's voice was tentative, but she still heard it over her fussing child.
"Don't worry, Komui, I'll handle it in a few moments. Just... bounce her a bit. Babies like the movement. If that doesn't work, sing her a song. Pat her back a bit."
"I know how to take care of a baby, Lenalee. I have my own."
"Then what are you trying to ask me?"
Komui cleared his throat, pointed at the window. There was nothing outside.
"Komui," she said in a heated tone. She drew out the word, hit the dough with a bit too much aggression. Just a few more minutes and then she'd be free to kick him...
There was a knock at the door. "Komui?" She asked, much kinder now. She could not abandon her bread. Though he no longer had his Innocence (and thus the drain on his life), Allen still required far too much food to sustain his huge appetite. Her older brother rolled his eyes, and baby in hand, he went to answer the door.
He stopped with his hand on the knob. "Are you sure you don't want to answer this yourself?" He sounded amused.
"Yes," she said. The baby's crying had lessened a little, but the screaming fit would come back in moments. Lenalee had a feeling.
"Hello," Komui said to their evening callers. "It's been a long time. Lenalee's making food, but I'm sure she won't mind you coming in."
Lenalee looked over to see who it was. The dough slipped from her hands and back onto the counter. The taller of the two, red-haired, crooked smile, relaxed stance. The shorter with his long black hair and his severe expression, ramrod straight in comparison and wearing clothes that looked like one small movement would cause the weave to simply fall apart, leaving a tangled mess of thread on the ground at his feet. Both their shoes were worn nearly to the sole. From the way they looked, Lenalee did not know whether to ask them if they wanted dinner or a bath first.
Her hands fell absently onto her mound of dough. "Lavi," she said, "Yuu..." The former smiled; the latter merely nodded. He had a long stick in his hand. It was as dirty as they were but had the distinct look of being unevenly whittled down from something larger, most likely a bough from a tree. The pant of one leg bulged oddly.
"Hey, Lenalee," Lavi finally said. He walked over toward the kitchen, but Lenalee stopped him with a glare.
"Don't track your dirt through here. Wait until the bread's in the oven." Oh, right. The bread. She went back to kneading it immediately.
The baby had stopped crying. Thank God. She glanced over quickly between kneads and saw Yuu extending a (dirty! Get it away from her!) finger toward her daughter, a smile on his face.
"This is your child?"
"Yes."
"What is her name?"
"We decided on Lilian."
"That's a sweet name," interjected Lavi. Yuu nodded and then sniffed. His nose wrinkled.
"Komui, you stink," he said, but he pointed at the baby. Her brother's eyes went a little wide, and he seemed to sniff a bit too.
"You're right. How did I not notice?"
"I blame the cookies," Lavi said. "They make everything in here smell heavenly."
"Even the poo," Komui added. "Your cooking is amazing, Lenalee."
Lenalee grabbed a piece of dough from the mound and chucked it at him. "Go replace your niece's nappy, Brother!" He was out of the room posthaste.
The boys waited to speak until she'd put the dough in a pan and placed it next to the cookies in the oven. Taking a look at them, she estimated that they would need a few more minutes still. Finally she let them sit down at the kitchen table. "I'm going to cook dinner, do you mind?"
"No, not at all."
"You can bathe in a minute. I'll have Komui draw you a bath when he's finished with Lilian. But before I start cooking--don't lean on the table, I don't feel like cleaning it again--I want to know what took you so long. The war you were set to record ended months ago. It was in the news."
Lavi looked at Yuu, who looked right back at him. "We had to lay low," Lavi said. "We, er, kind of deserted."
"What?"
"We did not want to die because the Bookmen are extinguishing themselves," Lavi said. Lenalee stood still, hand on the back of the chair she was going to sit in, stunned motionless.
"E-extinguishing?" She asked.
"Yes. You heard correctly, and that's what it means. The trail had to go cold before we came back here and endangered you all. Don't worry." Lavi raised a hand up in front of him. "You're safe. We wouldn't have come if we thought you were in any danger."
"Oh. Are you positive?" She was not worried for herself. She could fight. But she had another life to look after now, and if anyone ever put that life in jeopardy, they would not live to destroy the world she had created for herself.
"Do not worry," Yuu said. He placed a hand on Lavi's shoulder. "We watched the area for a few days before approaching you. We have seen no one suspicious. We were just being cautious."
Lenalee opened her mouth for a question.
"We were written out of the record," Lavi explained. "According to the Bookmen, we are dead."
"Do you need a place to stay?" Lenalee asked. Both men smiled.
Lenalee got up and checked on the cookies. They were brown at the edges, so she took them out to cool.
"You know you are always welcome here."
"We know," said Lavi. "That's why we came. But don't worry, we'll get outta your hair soon enough. Find our own place."
"I'll hold you to that. And Lavi, don't be vulgar to Lilian. You'll pollute her."
"Understood."
Lenalee didn't believe him, nor did she believe the salute he gave her. Her child would become demon spawn.
"Anyway, about that bath..." Lavi said, putting his arm down.
"Ah, yes." Lenalee ran off to draw them their bath. The bread would not be done for some time now. "What would you like for dinner?" She asked as she returned to the kitchen with towels for them.
"Soba," Yuu said.
Some things would never change. The two bickered on their way to the bath. Time healed many wounds, and the way they were acting around each other right now reminded her of back when they were at the Order. Whatever had happened, the two were happy again, companionable, and Lenalee hoped that that would stay as static as her love for Allen, her caring for her child, her hope for the world they all had in each other.
Fin.
---
A/N: Hey, guys! :D Sorry for that pesky hiatus! D8 We were super buried in schoolwork (and still are--but if you wait three weeks, we'll be back to writing again!). Anyway, here is the last part of Venia. We hope you enjoyed it, especially since you can kind of tell that there really shouldn't have been a sequel to Mea Culpa. Again, this is dedicated to Sekitx2, who recently had her birthday (tanjoubi omedeto~). And in case it wasn't clear, Bookman found out about their relationship because he heard them sexing (he was the bushes rustling). So anyway, we're alive and well, though stressed, and we hope you can be patient with us as we try to navigate the last few weeks of a torturous semester! We will probably continue with either HtSaL or BRS.
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Venia	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 1355 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We do not own D. Gray man and this a purely not for profit endeavor.

Venia