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Burning Bridges	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 4721 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
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Chapter 4

The Freedom to Choose

When Natsu woke up, the sun was already shining. He felt oddly cold despite the covers wrapped around him. He also felt like he had been in a fight. He sensed a potent drain on his magic.

"What just happened?" he grumbled.

He heard someone pounding on the door and groaned from weariness.

"Happy, go answer it," he mumbled.

No one replied. Natsu ignored the second knock and covered his head with the blankets to block all noises. Suddenly, someone kicked the door open, and a pair of heavy boots marched into the bedroom.

"Gray, you bastard! Why are you hiding in here?"

Natsu hummed. Was someone else angry at the stripper? Whose voice was that? The blankets muted it a bit. Why were they looking for Gray at his and Happy's house?

Suddenly, his blankets were yanked away. Natsu flinched at the bright light in his eyes, then he looked up to see a furious scowl on Erza's face.

"What...? Natsu?" she asked in shock. "What are you doing in Gray's bed?"

"Gray's bed?" He looked around. This was definitely not his home. "How did I...?"

Memories of the night before crashed into his brain. He flinched, his blood ran cold from the recollection of those icy touches, and he suddenly found even breathing to be difficult. His mind felt suddenly blank, yet his thoughts were racing. Memories came unwanted to him...humiliating memories. He had been raped, and by Gray of all people!

"Where's Gray?" demanded Erza.

"What?" he cried out in a slight panic. "I...I dunno." Natsu felt overwhelmed with flashes of scenes, sensations, cold fingers touching him, Gray's straining face...he was completely unable to think in the present.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

Natsu flinched again. "It was...last night, maybe?"

"Was he here?"

"Y-yeah," he muttered. Here, in this bed...with him. His stomach lurched and his heart began to race. "Why? Are you...angry with him?" Does she know? No one in the guild should know about what happened, right? Only if that bastard turned himself in, and he wouldn't do that.

"Gray left a note with Mira saying he's quitting the guild. She tried to run after him, but he was already gone. She sent word out, and people are already searching for him. I was hoping to find some clue here, but it looks like he packed his things. Did Gray say anything about leaving?"

Natsu shivered as he recalled the words. As soon as I'm done here, I'm on the first train out of Fiore.

"He said something about taking a train," Natsu said, trying to avoid saying too much, anything that might be suspicious.

Erza frowned. "A train, huh? I'll head to the station. If he bought a train ticket, we can figure out where he's heading. Get out of bed! Everyone is out looking for Gray, and as his teammate, you should be, too. Find your clothes and join Lucy's search party. And why the hell are you naked in Gray's bed? Does his house have a stripping germ in here?"

Natsu decided not to answer, and Erza left without waiting. He moved slowly, his ass burning, his shoulders sore from being restrained, his thighs stiff and bruised. He went into Gray's bathroom and took a long shower, trying to clean away the feeling of filth. As the hot water streamed over his pale face, tears mixed in.

"Damn you, Gray," he sniffled. "Why did you do this? Dammit!" He punched the wall and cracked the tiles while the shower washed away his tears.

When he was done, Natsu glanced into the foggy mirror while toweling his pink hair. He looked pale with dark circles under his eyes and some light bruising on his body. He wondered if he looked like he had just been raped. What did something like that even look like? For some reason, he did not want it to be obvious. He wanted to keep this a secret until he could find Gray and confront him personally.

Ignoring his harried appearance, he dressed and walked back into the bedroom. That was when he found the letter sitting on the nightstand. It was written in Gray's messy penmanship.

Dear Natsu,

I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, but I truly could not go on just looking from afar. Tonight was precious to me, although it'll probably be a nightmare for you. I will never forget it, but I probably will never forgive myself, either. So, I don't mind if you can't forgive me. Just never forget me. Even if all you feel is hatred, never forget this night.

Forever dreaming of your smile,

Gray Fullbuster

Natsu crunched the letter up, lit a flame, and burned it in anger. His eyes narrowed, and a glowing flicker surrounded him.

"Bastard. Just running away, huh? Coward!"

His chest jolted, and although Natsu tried to hold it back, a tear slipped out.

"Why, Gray? Why'd you have to go that far? Asshole!"

Natsu hugged himself to hold back sobs. He felt dirty again, but he knew this was a soiling mark that went much deeper than his flesh. How could he clean away the filth marring his soul?

When Natsu finally dried his tears and walked outside, he heard people shouting for Gray. It reminded him of when Loke quit the guild. Back then, Natsu had been one of the first to rush out shouting for Loke. Now, he watched his nakama in their search and shook his head. They wouldn't find Gray. It was useless. When that ice-bastard wanted to be alone, he figured out a way.

Natsu went to the guild hall, since his ass hurt too badly to walk all the way home. He sat carefully at the bar, flinching a little as the seat scrapped over his rear. Mirajane looked shocked to see someone here when everyone else was out.

"Natsu, aren't you going to look for Gray?"

With his eyes down, he shook his head. "Why should I waste my time on that stupid stripper?"

"Oh, Natsu!" sighed Mirajane. "I know you and Gray are rivals, but he's your teammate."

"I don't remember inviting him onto my team," Natsu grumbled petulantly. "My team was just supposed to be me, Happy, and Lucy. Gray invited himself. I never wanted him around."

Mirajane folded her arms. "Your team? Aren't you being a bit conceded? I was under the impression that it was Erza's team. She's the oldest, and the highest ranking member, after all. She was the one who convinced you and Gray to work together."

"Team...Erza?" Natsu blinked in shock. He had never thought about it that way. He had assumed this was his team—he, Happy, and Lucy—that Gray and Erza later joined. Of course, he would never have let Gray onto his team if it was not for Erza demanding that they work together.

"No matter who the team leader is," she went on, "Gray is your nakama."

Petulantly, Natsu grumbled, "I'm respecting his wishes. If that bastard wants to run away, let him."

Mirajane sighed in exasperation but left it at that. She was shocked when Natsu ordered a drink that would have made Cana proud, and so early in the morning, too. Still, she poured the potent alcohol. She could see in Natsu's face, Gray's disappearance troubled him deeply, but there was something more, something he obviously did not want to talk about. Natsu took the drink and left to a booth, where the pain in his rear was less. In the corner, he could hide away and be left with the memories of last night.

Thinking about the night before made Natsu feel more sick than a carnival ride. However, there were moments when he had experienced some bits of pleasure. Every detail went through his head. Despite himself, some of the memories aroused him.

Still, it was wrong to like something that was forced upon you. He would have to report it. Rape was a serious crime. Even if it meant humiliation for him, he had to tell police. At least then, the guild would also understand why Gray ran away. He wondered if they would blame him, though. After all, Natsu was the one who harassed Gray, teased him, goaded him at every opportunity, until he felt he had no other choice but to commit a crime.

He had to report this...but he truly did not want Gray to be remembered as a rapist. That was why he wanted to wait until he could talk to Gray again. He wanted some questions answered, and he needed to vent his anger by punching Gray in the head a few times. He also needed to sort out his emotions before dealing with police and inquiries. For some reason, his emotions were fluctuating. He should hate Gray, despise him, and want to kill him, those same emotions he felt last night. Yet now, in the sunlight, he could not hate Gray that way.

He pitied Gray, and that made him even more confused.

What did he want? How did he feel about Gray? Why had a part of him wanted to enjoy last night when he should have been filled with pure disgust? Why had he asked Gray to make him feel good as well?

"Gray," he whispered, clenching his fingers into his pink hair.

"Natsu?"

He jolted at the soft voice and looked over quickly to Lucy. Swiveling like that made his ass hurt, and he flinched slightly, shifting his hips on the seat. The movement did not go unnoticed by the blonde.

"I realized you weren't out searching for Gray," she said, slowly taking a seat next to him. "Even if you two are rivals, that's all the more reason for you to want Gray to stay in Fairy Tail. Something...happened yesterday, didn't it?"

Natsu's face snapped over to her in shock.

"When you left to go fight Gray, you never went home. Happy came to my house looking for you."

Lucy had a sad expression, as if she understood everything. Natsu looked away with a feeling of shame. He wondered what sort of magic power girls had that made them always seem to know things without a guy saying anything at all.

"Gray...did something to you. Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"I'm not hurt. Well, not too badly," he amended, still feeling an ache in his hind side.

Lucy looked aside quietly for a while. A minute ticked by in awkwardness between both of them.

"I knew," she finally whispered. "About Gray, that is."

Natsu looked over in surprise. "You knew? About what, exactly?"

Her eyes dropped to the ground. "About...well...that he likes you," she confessed in a mumble. "He has feelings for you. That's why I kept trying to make you stop talking about the two of us in front of him. I knew he was in love with you, and I had a feeling that if you found out, you'd also realize your feelings for him."

"I feel like killing him! That's what my feelings are!" the dragon slayer shouted.

Her eyes looked sad. "Is that really how you feel?"

"Yes!" He let the answer hang in the air for a few seconds. "No," he confessed with a sigh of defeat. "I don't know. I'm all confused now."

"He hurt you, didn't he?" she realized sadly.

"Physically, I can handle that much," Natsu mumbled, not really wanting to talk about that part. "But that bastard broke my trust. Maybe we're not best friends or anything, but...but we're still teammates. We're guild members! We're nakama!" he shouted in anger. "He destroyed that trust."

Lucy patted his hand. "I understand how you feel on that part. I can't say I'll ever forgive him for hurting you, but it's not up to me to decide on forgiveness. That's up to you. I do know that Gray has been hurting for a long time."

"I realize that now," Natsu admitted in regret. "I hurt him, so he hurt me back. It's like any normal fight between us, except the bastard cheated this time."

"Natsu." Lucy took his hand and squeezed it until his eyes looked up to her. "Can you forgive him?"

Natsu frowned, ready to say no, but something nagged in the back of his mind. "It's not like I can't ever forgive him. If I don't, I'll just keep hating and hating until I'm the one who does something illegal. I don't like hating people, especially my friends. Part of me...wants to forgive him," he said in anguish, "but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I should. I don't want him to get in trouble, but I want to beat his ass until he realizes just how angry I feel right now."

"Do you love him?" she whispered.

Natsu looked sadly at her. She was his girlfriend, so how could she ask that with such a gentle smile?

"I...dunno," he sighed, hanging his head in frustration. "I'm just mad right now."

She chuckled softly. "You're as stubborn as him. You two really are a lot alike. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"Yeah, Happy has said so, too," he mumbled.

"In your dreams, you confessed to Gray."

Natsu bolted up out of his slouch. "I did what?"

"It was quite a sweet confession, too. I knew for some time now, although you were dating me, the person who filled your dreams was Gray."

"I do not dream about that popsicle!"

"You had a wet dream about him last week."

"No I..." Natsu froze in a memory. "Oh shit, that dream!"

Lucy smiled and shrugged as if to apologize for pointing out the truth. "I've known for a few weeks now, enough time for me to think this over. You're a lot of fun, Natsu, but...but I'm holding you back."

"No way! You're not, really. I have lots of fun with you."

"But you love someone else," she reasoned calmly. "Look, Natsu..." She took off the couples' bracelet he had recently given her. "I want what's best for you, so I'm giving you the freedom to choose which path feels most natural. Find Gray. Bring him back. At the very least, drag his ass back here so I can beat him into a slushy for doing something so horrible to you."

Natsu laughed at that. "Ah, but...maybe you shouldn't tell Erza. If she found out, she really would kill Gray."

"True. Still, try to convince him to return. If you can get him to stay, I'll be happy. If not, maybe you'll come back to me, or maybe you'll chase after him. Either way, follow the path you feel is right."

His eyes saddened that she was letting him go. "But...but Lucy..."

"I like you, Natsu, but I want you both on the team," she said firmly. "Fairy Tail wouldn't be the same without you two around to annoy me. So go find him and bring him home. If anyone can find Gray, it's you."

Natsu looked down at the bracelet. He had to admit, he bought it at the festival because he knew it would make Gray jealous. So much of what he did with Lucy was all on the pretext of annoying the Ice-Make wizard. He wondered if there was anything he did purely to make Lucy happy, or if the whole relationship had all been a series of events aimed to gall Gray into action.

"Thanks, Lucy. And...I'm sorry." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, then ran out of the guild.

Lucy sighed as she watched him go. "It'll make him happier," she told herself.

Mirajane came up with a sad expression. "Sorry, I overheard everything. So, that's what Gray meant."

"He talked to you?" Lucy asked in surprise.

"When he left. What you did was really brave, Lucy."

She blushed a little at the compliment. "Perhaps, but now that leaves me single. Oh well."

"Hmm..." Mirajane pressed her finger to her lips. "I heard a rumor that Sting is looking for a girlfriend."

"Sting!" Suddenly, Lucy's face went red. "Why would I even want a guy like that?"

"Because he's hot, sweet, and also a dragon slayer," Mirajane said brightly. "Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. You'll find another boyfriend, and hopefully Natsu and Gray can make up."

"Hopefully?" asked Lucy.

Mirajane smiled brightly. "I wanna see those two making out. Gay boys are the hottest!"

"Mira!"

End of Chapter 4

A/N: I have to agree with Mira on that!
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Burning Bridges