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Raising Hell	By : High_on_the_Rainbow Category: Death Note > Yaoi-Male/Male > L/Light Views: 2514 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not profit from this nor do I own the Death Note franchise.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Rainbow-chan is back my Deathnote-loving friends! Well... hopefully I'm not hated for teasing or making Near/Mello the focus of a whole chapter... This definitely has more L/Light, so forgiveness, please? Gore and ANGST.
Disclaimer: You know my feelings on it. =_=*
IMPORTANT INFO: In this story, Misa and Mikami never know/knew that Light is/was Kira; this is important for later. Misa never meets Rem, thus doesn't have the eyes and all that jazz. The dream is a mixture of memories and warped events due to guilt mixed in with a premonition/supernatural type jazz... It's explained further in later chapters. Just bear with some slight confusion for now. There will be a flashback explaining exactly what happened for real much later.
Raising Hell - Chapter Four
I awake to the sound of gunshots. "M-mom? ...Dad...?" I whisper, though it is more to myself than someone else. I try to tip-toe down the stairs, making sure to be completely silent. I peek around the corner, and I'm greeted with the heavy, coppery smell of fresh blood.
Sayu is laying over the rapidly cooling body of my mother, Yagami Sachiko, tears cascading down her cheeks, eyes hollow with unfathomable grief and denial. Okaa-san's face is frozen in a permanent look of fear and desperation—desperation to save her family. I am torn from the sight by the sound of a struggle, and look up to see tou-san fighting the intruder. Upon seeing me, he his focus shifts and in a desperate attempt to get to me he tries to force the gun in the killer's hand upwards and away from Sayu and I.
"Light, take Sayu and ru—" Those were his last words, his dying testament as a 9mm bullet pierced his skull with a sickening crack, a sound that will forever be ingrained into my memory. Blood gushes from the exit wound in a shower of crimson... I will never forget the scent that hit me or the nausea I felt as his brain matter splatters onto the dinner table behind him, the same one we ate curry rice off of earlier that evening. His body hits the floor with a thud, almost as if he's given up and the fight was no longer worth it. I know he died instantly.
"No...," Sayu denies in a barely audible whisper. Her body trembles as she attempts to stand, attempts to grasp the only mental and physical support she has left. "L-Light... t-this isn't happening... is it...?"
"Of course it is, girl," the murderer approaches us, calmly and with purpose; not a single movement is wasted as he nears. "And there's no use in denying it. You're going to die—" He laughs maniacally, trembling with anticipation, walking over to the drawer as he pulls out a cleaver. "—and it's all his fault."
Sayu then weakly stands, no longer fearful; her body and mind are too wrapped in shock to care about her inevitable death. "Light, this is why..." she starts, as the killer slices up her arms, caressing her cheek with his tongue and ingesting her blood. As he continues to cut deeper, drawing and tasting more blood, her eyes never waver and her tone never varies. "You have to kill him... the threat... is near us... and... You must kill him..." Soon Sayu passes out from the blood loss, the light in her eyes recedes and her body makes the same thud, resonating through my body along with the now silent room.
"Aw, the poor girl didn't finish," the man says, eyes wild as he looks at me, eyes full of hatred and malice. "That's too bad. But, I can't let you have him," he says, lifting the knife to my frozen form. I try to struggle, but I suddenly realize that I'm not at home anymore, but instead strapped to a morgue gurney.
"Her blood was so sweet...," he says, eyes full of nostalgia as he reminisces. "He liked sweet things..." A crazed grin plays across his lips as the knife slices through my shoulder and I cry out in agony. He sings, "Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, walking through the candy shop... It's where I once saw you... Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, would like to try a drop of this red candy, too...?" The final design is something I will never see.
He then unstraps me and lifts me up by my now blood drenched hair; as my vision fades, he says his final parting words. "This is all your fault; I killed them for him, all for him, but he still looks at you. You separated us forever; you will never be forgiven..."
I bolt awake, and the first thing I do is puke up my stomach acids. I've been having that dream ever since that Ryuuzaki guy came here a week ago, and I'm really starting to panic, jumping at the slightest movement. Normally, my dreams were consistent, never wavering or showing new details, but now new events are playing themselves out, memories and non-memories are surfacing, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I know for a fact that my family's murderer is dead; I killed him myself and stabbed him to death before I blacked out, so why does he say these things in my dreams now?
I dress and put on a plain red shirt and black sweat pants after quickly showering and brushing my teeth. As I do so, I can't help but wonder what I could have done to the murderer in my dreams... I know he never intended for me to survive... And I don't know anyone named 'Lawli-pop'. Also, what did Sayu mean by 'the threat is near?' Is it a message? Why now...?
I enter the cafeteria and school my face into the long practiced perfection I'm so known for. Walking up to the counter, I see Yuki blushing like a school girl; she doesn't seem to notice my sickness, much to my good fortune—Ryuk doesn't care whether or not I'm sick, so long as he gets his apples, and I'm really not in the mood to deal with his withdrawals.
"Hi, Yagami-kun. How are you this morning? You look well," Yuki says, completely oblivious. I suppose I should take this positively, but I can't help getting angry; she claims to know me and have feelings for me, but can't pick up on something like this? Please.
Of course, I say none of these things and instead show her my hundred-watt smile—no doubt one of the parts of me she loves the most. "Yes, I am Yuki-san. You look nice as always," I reply, layering on the charm full blast. 'Please, she's a short chubby girl who's nine years my senior and she thinks she's got a shot? No way.' "So, what's for breakfast?"
"Pancakes. I could give you some extra sugar... if you want..." she says, blushing an unnatural shade of pink; I inwardly blanch. 'What the hell was that? A come on? We're doing those now? What a whore.'
"Actually, Yuki-san, I'm not a fan of sweets," I say. A clever double entendre, if I do say so myself. It's technically not a lie, but hopefully she'll take the hint and figure out that I don't want her.
"O-oh, w-well... um, here you go," she says hurriedly, handing me my tray. "Um, enjoy."
"Thank you, Yuki-san. I appreciate it," I say. 'Guess she finally got it through that thick, lust-hazed mind of hers.' I look around and spot the last person I wanted to see, especially after that dream: Ryuuzaki. Something is... off about him, though... and it has been for a while now... 'He's looking at me like I scandalized him somehow or kicked his puppy. What the hell? Is this another challenge?!' Whatever it is, I decide to take him up on it; I walk over to his table and sit beside him.
He doesn't bother to look up; instead, he goes and fiddles with the damn syrup. Who the hell puts that much syrup on pancakes anyway?! Regardless, he won't talk unless I talk first, so I might as well say something. "Hey, so, you've been here for a week already and we haven't been properly introduced; you're Ryuuzaki, right? I'm Light, Yagami Light. Pleased to meet you," I say, beaming my most disarming smile his way and holding out my hand in greeting.
His expression remains unchanging. He glances my way and looks at my perfectly manicured hand in slight distaste before going back to poking at his food. He makes me fucking furious but for the sake of information I remain civil, reigning in my irritation before the waves can reach him.
After a few minutes in uncomfortable silence, he speaks. "...Light-kun is quite the manipulative liar, isn't he...?" I can safely say I am surprised. How the hell would he guess that from watching me for just a few minutes? It's probably a damn lucky shot in the dark. I decide to challenge him on it; we seem to be doing that a lot lately. Besides, I'm still sore about last week's group.
"And what would give you that idea, Ryuuzaki?" I inquire, eyes narrowing just enough to hint at my anger towards his insinuation. Ryuuzaki's eyes remain cold and unblinking as he appears to think over my words, almost like they themselves hold the damn answer. I can't stand how long he's taking, but I wait it out anyway.
"...Yuki-san," He finally answers. 'God damn it, was it that hard? Did he have to think for four minutes to say one word?! He damn well better elaborate; I did not wait for four fucking minutes to hear one goddamn word!'
Unfortunately, it would seem Ryuuzaki needs prompting. Joy. "Care to elaborate?"
"...Is Light-kun here for psuedologia fantastica? If so, Light-kun's behaviors make a little more sense."
"Just what the hell are you saying, Ryuuzaki? That I'm dishonest? That I'm a pathological liar?" I hiss, growing angrier by the second at his blatant disregard and absurd assumptions. 'Who the hell does he think he is? A psychologist? If a real one can't figure me out, why the hell should this guy be able to? He can't diagnose and judge me like this! I won't stand for this insolence!'
"...No. Light-kun does not need to be so defensive. If Light-kun were a pathological liar his lies would not be as convincing, and would be present as more of an addiction. Also, Light-kun would lie regardless of benefit. Light-kun only lies to benefit him, but if he is trying to charm his way to freedom, he is playing to the wrong people. Why is this, I wonder...? What does he stand to gain...? ...Aside from an apple a day," Ryuuzaki then moves his right thumb to his lips, biting on the sensitive skin. 'Doesn't he know how disgusting that is?!'
Reigning in the overwhelming desire to hit the guy or tell the guy off, I reply in the most sensible way; if accused of being a liar, deny it. I know that by lying and denying the accusation I am proving his point, but really, who in their right mind admits to lying anyway? It defeats the purpose! "I think you have the wrong idea about me Ryuuzaki," I say in my best brand of faux kindness.
"...Another lie. I know more about you than you would ever care to admit, Light-kun while he knows little to nothing about me. Light-kun is most intriguing but I have many things to do today, and thus cannot play with him as much as I would like to. I will see Light-kun at lunch," Ryuuzaki says, standing from the table and walking over to a woman I recognize as Kyoko, a therapist and psychiatrist.
'I can't stand that jerk! What hell gives him the right to say those things?! I hate that bastard! How dare he wear such a smug look on his face!' I silently seethe as I watch his retreating form disappear behind the office door.

I must say I rather like the look on Light-kun's face; it is red with indignation, a good look for him. I have decided against hinting my knowledge of last week to him at the risk of revealing that I know he is Kira. He wouldn't be of much use to me as a subject if he wasn't continuing to act naturally as he normally does. I must admit, our word play is most interesting; on the outside, things were far more predictable, and as a result, boring. Most of my subjects were driven to commit suicide, collapsing under the psychological strain; others lashed out, even becoming violent in some cases and sometimes killing others when their beliefs were challenged and they were forced to look at things another way. But, Light-kun falls outside the norm, and with him I have the rare opportunity to study the extremes I won't see in average people; he won't break as easily as the others. I cannot afford to waste this chance.
I follow Kyoko into her office, and upon feeling Light's angry gaze on my body I inwardly smirk. I can't help the wave of satisfaction that rushes over me, knowing I invoked such a reaction. Kyoko turns and offers me a seat in one of the comfy office chairs. I say nothing, simply pulling my knees to my chest, placing my hands atop my knees and slipping off the hospital slippers I'm forced to wear around the ward. She looks at me oddly, but I commend her for not questioning my posture and the way I sit, along with not asking me to 'sit normally', as this is normal for me.
Clearing her throat, she begins. "Well, um, you're Ryuuzaki-kun, yes?"
Honestly, she had some good points with me before she asked that pointless question; she knows who I am. I think she merely wants to hear it from me. As I have no choice, I indulge her, exposing my thoughts on the matter without filter.
"Kyoko-san knows who I am. If this is not the case, Kyoko-san not only has bad memory, as she gave me the tour on my initial admittance, but she is also lazy, as she did not bother to read my file and figure out all the answers to her routine inquiries. If Kyoko-san wishes to claim she wanted to hear it from me, then I must inform her that hearing this information from me will not garner any differing results from the paperwork. I must refer her to my file for the answers she seeks."
For a few moments, she sits silently processing all that I've told her. I see and feel the moment it clicks, as she releases near palpable waves of anger and her eye twitches. It is most humorous.
"Well, Ryuuzaki-kun, I must disagree with your opinion. I'll go and take your advice, though, since you insist," she concedes, flipping through the file; she doesn't think I notice, but she's not reading it thoroughly and is instead skimming through it, confirming my suspicions that she is in fact, lazy. There was a 71% chance of this. "It says here that you're in for... social issues and repressed emotions, disorder not specified. It claims you're reclusive... So you're socially dysfunctional?"
I decide that the sooner I answer her pointless questions, the sooner I can leave and gather more reference on Light-kun. He at least keeps things interesting; everything about Kyoko is mundane, ordinary and predictable, from her appearance and approach to her attitude. "I am aware that I do not conform to the societal standard. I would not consider myself 'dysfunctional', however."
"Well, Ryuuzaki-kun, I have to say I disagree. You are reclusive and anti-social. Your eating habits are extremely unhealthy and frankly I worry for those close to you... You might hurt them with your brash and tactless behavior. It's displayed by how you talk. Referring to others in the third person is usually a sign of someone trying to distance themselves from others," Kyoko says with faux concern. She clearly knows nothing as Near is the only one close to me and our relationship thrives and depends on our blatant honesty with one another. As for my social habits, I have always been a solitary person.
"Kyoko-san has said nothing to support her previous point. None of those things point to dysfunction. Kyoko-san claims me to be 'reclusive and anti-social', but I have always been a solitary creature by nature, even as a small child. My eating habits are of no importance as they do not hinder me and all of my blood tests come back normal with the exception of my weight. My metabolism is extremely high and I find that I don't gain weight due to burning the calories by using my brain and challenging myself mentally. As for those close to me, Kyoko-san... I only have my otouto, who many find to have similar behaviors to myself. Our relationship thrives on our honesty and brutality towards one another, and as others would say... 'do not attempt to fix what is not broken', correct? As for my speech, it is normal for me. I have always done so, ever since I spoke my first words."
"But your social deficiency isn't right. It's not normal. Therefore, you are dysfunctional, by textbook definition."
"...I'm afraid I must disagree, Kyoko-san."
"And why would you disagree with me?"
"I am able to get things done and function as an average person should; I merely have a unique way of going about it. I am... different. I have a better understanding of myself and others than people want to believe."
"Really...? How so?" she asks, her voice clearly giving away her skepticism and disbelief.
"I will use the earlier conversation as an example. When Kyoko-san asked me who I was, I was 95.5% certain that Kyoko-san knew who I was and was merely asking a routine question in an attempt to dispel tension. The other 4.5% represents the likelihood of Kyoko-san genuinely not remembering me, which has already been proven false. Of the 95.5%, there was a 71% chance that Kyoko-san was being lazy and did not read over my file, wishing to merely have me give her the answers. The other 24.5% was the chance that Kyoko-san was not lazy, but simply asking out of force of habit while trying to ease tension with me as your patient. By your skimming of my file, I can safely deduce that Kyoko-san is lazy as her IQ and intellect are not high enough to absorb that much information that quickly. Based on Kyoko-san's reactions throughout this conversation, the chances of Kyoko-san getting angry or offended are 98% and the other 2% represents her not reacting or saying anything. Of the 98%, there is a 50% chance she will ask me to leave the office. The other 48% is the likelihood of her leaving herself. By this explanation, Kyoko-san should comprehend that I can deduce which actions are acceptable and which are not based on the hypothesized reactions of others. I merely do not care how others react. I simply do what I feel most comfortable doing, and I ended up here because of it."
"...Get out," Kyoko says, voice full of malice and face red in indignation. The look is much better suited to Light-kun.
"...As I predicted. Good day, Kyoko-san," I say before taking my leave. I know nothing can be traced back to me I am rather pleased; only fifteen minutes and I've already broken her. I'm getting better at this by the day, and it's all thanks to Light-kun, my most interesting subject thus far. As I head back to my room to ponder over our conversation at breakfast, my thoughts also wander to the subject of my otouto's experiment.

I've had a week to recover from last week's suggestion, and I survived my mental breakdown, emerging stronger than before. L-niisan has further suggested that I find someone to test my abilities on before moving on to my main target. As I recall, the conversation went something like this:
"L, I have been... thinking over your solution, and I must inquire: what if my skills are not on the same level of others my age? Would that not decrease the success rate?"
Nii-san pauses, thinking over this new angle. "I suppose it could. I would recommend that otouto gathers some outside experience before using this technique on Mello."
"...I was afraid of this," I admit. I debate whether or not to share my troubles and... reactions to my research with nii-san. I decide that I may as well; I'd like to enter this topic as little as possible, and if I resolve this now, the chances of re-encountering this in a future talk are reduced. "Nii-san, I would like to discuss my findings with you. I find them... most disconcerting."
"..." Lawliet pauses, clearly not looking forward to this discussion, but I know he's reached the same conclusion I have. "...Very well, otouto. Please elaborate."
I steel my nerves and begin. "In regards to the... heterosexual pornography... I... did not garner much of a reaction. I was... disturbed. The same can be said for lesbian pornography, which I have read many males my age find pleasure in... However... in regards to the... gay pornography... I was... well... I reacted."
"..." Nii-san remains silent, so I take that as a sign to continue. "I have been having... dreams, nii-san... And they consist of Mello and I... doing these... acts... I believe... this is... lust, correct?"
"...Yes," nii-san replies. I can almost physically feel his discomfort. "...And you have not had these... dreams about females, otouto?"
"No," I confirm. "I... fear I may be homosexual, nii-san. I am not sure where I would gain experience with a male without it ruining my reputation at school... And this past week, I did try these things with a clean female who was not from my school, but... I felt nothing. I am... unsure of whether or not to proceed as planned... or seek out experience. My sources say that Mello is virgin, so I am not sure the added expertise would make a difference."
"...I agree, otouto. Near should proceed as planned. I have my own experiments to conduct, and I wish otouto good fortune in his sexual escapades."
"...Are you making me out to be promiscuous, nii-san?" I ask, daring him to confirm my suspicions.
"...I was merely trying my hand at a joke, otouto. If it offends him, I can discontinue." Needless to say I was surprised, but after considering the rarity of such a thing, I grant him forgiveness.
"It merely caught me off guard. If anything it was enlightening to the weakness of my defenses, L-niisan," I reply cheekily. I let the barest of smile cross my lips.
"...I am glad to hear it, Near-kun."
Looking back, I am relieved that nii-san was not judgmental as most family members can be. I can walk into school tomorrow with my confidence renewed.

ARGH! I am so not in the mood to deal with this shit!
My day has been fucking HELL so far. First, some kids had the nerve to throw shit at me and call me a faggot; no one calls me that, no matter how true it may be. So, I beat the shit out of those assholes for calling me that and ruining one of my favorite pairs of pants, and as a result I was sent to the main office and given fuckin' detention! WHY?! It's their fault! Not to mention all the other bullshit I deal with on a daily basis: teasing, fights, pranks, burning my homework and lots of other shit. So, here I am, after school, in detention. With okaa-san, but I'm still pretty fuckin' pissed off.
So being in fuckin' detention—where I can't talk or draw or listen to music or do anything aside from homework, which I won't do as it'll just get burned tomorrow—I'm stuck with okaa-san and my thoughts about the one person I've been avoiding like the fucking plague for the past week: Near.
I hate how that little albino freak has been managing to worm his way into my life and become more securely lodged in my brain than that pole up Tokomo's ass. Everything reminds me of that asshole! I sound like a love-sick puppy! Which I'm not! I'm just... having a fucked up phase... Yeah.
In an effort to get over my fucked up 'albinos-with-superiority-complexes' phase I decide to start up a conversation with okaa-san. She always knows how to calm me down... kinda.
'Okaa-san... why do you... help me?' I mentally ask. It's at times like this that I'm so fucking glad that I can school my face and keep up my image; if anyone in school found out I could be like this my life would be at rock bottom.
"Because I love you, Mello. You're my son. I want to protect you and make you happy; isn't that what every mother wants for her son?" okaa-san replies. I admit, it is what mothers should do and should want, but my mother didn't, and I want to know what makes okaa-san different from her... It's been bothering me for a while now. Maybe I really am as fuckin' crazy as everyone says, and okaa-san is just a crutch or a defense—a split personality to cover my own faults and satisfy my own mental needs; maybe it's the way Near has been acting weirdly, but ever since that premonition last week I've become paranoid of everyone's motives... even okaa-san.
'I know it's what a mother should want, but my mother didn't... she... she just wasn't like you... I've just been questioning everyone's motives... I'm sorry, okaa-san, but... can you tell me why...? I've... I've been so fucking confused, and I hate it! I want things to go back to the way they were before, where Near hated me and I was trying my damnedest to be better than him. At least then shit made sense! Now he's all somber and I'm acting like a pussy and we're avoiding the shit out of each other! I hate what I'm like now... I hate it, I hate it, I HATE it!'
"Oh, Mello dear..." okaa-san, her voice laced with concern and something akin to pity. I hate when people pity me, like I'm somehow beneath them. I don't ever want okaa-san to pity me. Never. "I want you to know that I'm here for you and you alone. I gain nothing by helping you and protecting you. It only grants me piece of mind. I love you, Mello; you're my son. That will never change... Making you happy and keeping you safe IS my happiness, Mello... I'll always be here, and I'll never leave you..."
'Okay, okaa-san... I... I believe you. I'm... sorry for doubting you,' I apologize. I can't believe Near has me doubting okaa-san, the only person I can fucking trust! That bastard! This is all his fault! Why did he change all of a sudden?! Why the fuck does he look at me weirdly?! And why the fuck does my heart beat faster whenever I think about him?! I'm going to a damn doctor if this doesn't get better soon. Knowing that albino freak he cast some kind of Ryuuzaki family curse on me.

'Ryuuzaki's already out of his session? Weird...' I think, watching Kyoko storm off in the opposite direction furiously. He must have said quite a bit to get her like that.
I decide to ignore him and turn back to the television. The news is on and the coverage is on none other than my handiwork, along with that mysterious case of people committing suicide and homicide I heard about last week. Ryuuzaki sits down beside me in that weird way he does and bites his thumb, watching intently.
"In other news, Mikami Teru was found dead in his home, having hanged himself three days ago. The neighbors complained of a foul stench coming from his home, and the authorities found his decomposing body in his bedroom. A suicide note was found but its contents have not been publicly released—"
"...What does Light-kun think of this?" I turn to face Ryuuzaki, surprised that he actually initiated a conversation. Tossing that aside, I ponder the question for a few moments before answering.
"I think that this person is... interesting. They seem like the type of person who might be trying to prove something by doing this; maybe their ability to get into anyone's mind. Maybe they're trying to understand something we can't pinpoint. Maybe they just have a sick sense of humor. I think it's more likely that they're searching for something though. The only thing I can gather about the victims as the talk about their lives is that they had very strong beliefs... they had strong minds, leading me to believe they are looking for something or someone specific, someone to that meets their expectations."
Ryuuzaki seems to contemplate my answer before asking another. "Does Light-kun really think they could get into the mind of anyone with strong beliefs and powerful convictions? Even... someone like Kira...?"
Ryuuzaki's question catches me off guard; I mean, seriously, where the hell did that come from? Wasn't he going to give his opinion on the case? Why suddenly bring up Kira? If I answer that question... it might hint something; Ryuuzaki's smart—it's too risky to answer. I decide I can use this to bargain; if he wants the answer to that question, he'd better be ready to answer at least one of mine. 'I'd better make it something that isn't too conspicuous... or else he won't answer...'
"I will answer your question if you answer mine: what do you think of Kira? You know, how he thinks, what he's like... What's your impression of him and why?" I watch his face for any reaction, even the slightest twitch; I see none. He moves his thumb to his lips in what I now know as a contemplative gesture (but is still seriously disgusting) and is silent for a minute or so before answering.
"I can say... Kira certainly believes the ends justify the means. I agree with this philosophy. However..." He pauses. I watch him, completely engrossed in whatever he's about to say next. "...Kira is full of himself. He is childish, immature and arrogant. I believe his goals are personal and he does not truly care for the world's innocents... Almost as if he is... driven by something else... And since I know that Light-kun is wanting a reason as to why my conclusion is what it is, I will explain. Kira has received challenges over the news broadcasts from the N.P.A., has he not? He has not once missed an opportunity to get back at them, give them false leads or toy with them in some way. A rather childish thing to do, isn't it, Light-kun?"
I try to keep my shock concealed. 'How the hell did he reach that conclusion? Why is he acting as if he met Kira himself? Okay, so he has but why is acting like he knows it? There's no way he could know!'
"...And how exactly would you know that, Ryuuzaki?"
He looks at me owlishly, like I gave birth to a litter of puppies. It's the most expressive he's been since he was first admitted. "...Because I am also childish and immature, Light-kun." 'Well, if that's not the fucking understatement of the year,' I think sarcastically, mentally rolling my eyes.
"...Light-kun is to answer my question now," he states. God damn it, he irritates me so much! Where the hell does he get off ordering me to answer?! Doesn't he know how to ask?
"...Very well, Ryuuzaki. Fair is fair. I think that this person, whoever they are, would have to talk to and get to know Kira inside and out before making any move to try and change him. Kira seems rather set in his ways, and it would take extremely precise navigation to get to that possibility. Kira will kill anyone he perceives to be a threat to his cause, so it would take a lot to disarm him. I think chance is slight, but it could happen. Why do you ask, Ryuuzaki?"
He looks down at his feet for a while, chewing his thumb all the while. Finally, he answers. "...I am merely curious, Light-kun. ...However, I do have one last inquiry," he says, pausing to look at me. He obsidian eyes seem to bore through me and for a moment, I think he can read my thoughts and motives like an open book; it's terrifying to say the least. "...What does Light-kun think would happen if this psychological predator and Kira were to meet...?" he asks, tilting his head to the side slightly, eyes curious and expectant.
Again, the question throws me off guard; I find myself answering honestly, not filtering what I say to avoid suspicion as Kira. "I think that it would be quite the challenge... for both of them; who would break first? Who would submit to whom? Who would toss aside their beliefs and follow the other? I think the world would be changed, though for better or worse is yet to be determined. It sounds like... fun. I wouldn't be able to wait."
Ryuuzaki looks to the television once more, his eyes open, but distanced and almost unseeing. "...The way you say it, you sound like Kira... Light-kun," Ryuuzaki whispers so only I can hear. Before I can deny it, he gets up and leaves for group, and I have no choice but to follow.

Light-kun revealed some rather interesting things: first, he is conceding that he may lose the battle to me, something I would not have expected of someone as self-righteous as Kira. Second, he accepted my challenge openly and honestly... I suppose he isn't here for psuedologia fantastica as it would have been more beneficial to lie in that instance... Third, his conviction is driven by something far more personal, but not so personal that he couldn't find another way to satisfy that whole. I want to find the way to break Kira, the one person no one has gotten through to. Then he can join otouto and I in our vision.
Once we take our seats and Matsuda arrives, we begin our session. Today's topic is emotion. We are to choose an emotion and express our opinions on it, along with an explanation of what lead us to our belief. I ignore the others until Light-kun takes his stand.
He looks pointedly at me with focused and sharp amber eyes before beginning. "I choose forgiveness. I believe that it is only used between people as leverage to gain things from others by guilt tripping them until they break down psychologically and give in to the other's demands. I have done things to my family... horrible, unforgivable things, and they will never forgive me... I know this, and yet at the prospect of their forgiveness, I would do anything. I can never stop trying to atone for my sins as long as the smallest, most miniscule chance at redemption exists." He sits back down, looking at me once more before his gaze becomes strangely distant.
"Thank you for your input, Light-kun," Matsuda says. I will never get used to his horrendous vocals. I have never been one for violence, but group therapy with Matsuda as the counselor is really pushing my newly discovered limits.
"Um, Ryuuzaki-kun, it's your turn," Matsuda states, looking at me with dimwitted expectancy. I sigh internally.
"...Very well," I begin. I try to think of something that wouldn't reveal too much; I like watching Light-kun guess at my past, motives and thoughts, so I don't want to end the game here. "...I will state my opinions on... faith.
"...Faith is something that cannot be proven, and yet many people will adamantly defend it, even until their dying breaths. Faith is not a science, but a fiction—a crutch if you will—something whose only benefit to people lies in the psyche. It is something mankind would be better off without. We should place our belief in facts, things that can be proven without doubt and will not fail us. With percentages we can effectively prepare ourselves for all manner of outcomes and lessen the blow should the results be undesirable.
"...I once had faith in the ones who said they would protect me and love me, the very people who were supposed to come help and give aid if something went wrong. I had faith that they would show up as planned and prevent a tragedy, but they never came. I had faith that the EMTs could come in time and save my parents, but they died. Faith gained me nothing, and therefore serves no purpose."
The room remains silent after I speak, more than likely shocked at sheer volume of what I said. The air was heavy with almost palpable tension; they had never heard me speak so much in one sitting, however, I wasn't speaking to them—I was speaking to Light. Kira needs to know what is behind me, only a little; he needs to know I understand, but I will not yield.
"W-well, um," Matsuda stutters. Way to ruin a heavy moment. "I... I think that's enough for today, everyone... okay? Let's get you all to dinner... wow..."
As we walk back, I and I stand in line to get my cake, I watch Light; his eyes are still distant, almost unseeing. It is really starting to bother me...
I sit down at a solitary table, watching Light-kun's work on the news. It is... interesting... I wonder how he can do this from here, what power he has, how he utilizes it... I see Light-kun out of the corner of my eye and listen in as he whispers to himself.
"Yes, Sayu-chan," he says, lips barely moving. "...No okaa-san, I'm not... no, tou-san, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm not... I'm not losing faith in you... he won't get to me... yes... I will kill him... but not now... I can't... they'll suspect me. ...I ...I love you. ...Don't leave me! Please... forgive me..."
I didn't think that Kira would be so easily shaken; his hallucinations seem to be getting to him. I don't really know what to make of it now, but it would seem that as long as I stay here I'll be safe from him. I am 73% certain he either cannot or will not kill me.

After hearing Ryuuzaki, everything became muted; I couldn't hear anything but the malicious words of my family. In the group room I could do nothing to appease them; even if Matsuda didn't notice, others would and it would no doubt reach the ears of the staff. Instead, I walked to the serving line and mechanically flirted with Yuki to get Ryuk's apple.
Sitting down, the images of the deceased Yagamis—Sayu, Soichiro and Sachiko—hovered around me, spitting venomous words and screaming wildly. The only one trying to calm them was that of my mother, Sachiko; she never joins them in spurring me to kill or act as Kira. She seems the least vengeful, sometimes coming to me on her own after nightmares to soothe me like she did when I was a child. The doctors would probably say she was my guilt at killing, my conscience. Either way she loses out to the righteous fury of Sayu and tou-san, eventually pushed back until I can no longer see her image.
"You'll still kill him, riiiiight, Light-niisan? You love us, don't you?" Sayu asks in her usual pep. I can see something hidden in her gaze just beneath the surface, but I can't quite label it; whatever it is, it's dark and evil.
"Yes, Sayu-chan," I whisper, barely moving my lips so as not to alert the staff. If they knew I still say them they would only drug me up.
"You aren't losing you way are you honey?" Okaa-san asks, her voice laced with heavy concern. "You shouldn't push yourself too hard; I know that your father and sister—"
"No, okaa-san, I'm not..." I begin, wanting to assure her that I'll be alright and I won't crack under the pressure.
"You self-righteous brat! You'd better not hurt you mother again, you selfish little punk! Do you know what we do for you? What I did for you?! What your mother and sister sacrificed?! After all we did for your sorry ass you'd damn well better not be losing your way! Or I swear, I'll—"
"No, tou-san, I'm sorry..."
Don't interrupt me, you wise ass!"
"I'm so sorry... I'm not... I'm not losing faith in you..." I nearly whimper.
"You'd better not let him get to you, okaaaaay, nii-saaaaan?" Sayu asks in her overly cheerful tone. Even now it somehow sounds murderous. "You need to kill him... You need to kill him now." Sayu's voice shifted dramatically, becoming demanding and leaving no room for argument. I'm almost fearful as I inevitably deny her; if I kill him now I'll get caught.
"He won't get to me... Yes... I will kill him... but not now... I can't... they'll suspect me..."
"I guess you don't love me and tou-san then, do you Light?! I knew you never loved us! You hate us don't you?! You wanted to kill me didn't you?! To kill the sister you never wanted with your own hands! I know you never wanted mom to give birth to me, to steal your parents and your fucking spotlight! You resent me! You enjoyed it! You liked stabbing me through the heart didn't you?! That's the one thing I have that you will never have Light! You're the reason we're dead!"
"I... I love you..." I say, desperate to appease her.
"NO, YOU DON'T!" Sayu screams. I barely recognize her face when I turn slightly to look at her. "You hate me! You never loved me! All the times you said it... they were just LIES! Just like the lies you tell EVERYONE ELSE! You're not even listening anymore! Always that damn Ryuuzaki bastard! If you think about his words so much you must not need us anymore! Light is too damn high and mighty to need his goddamned FAMILY! Well, fine! I'm leaving Light! This is what you wanted! I guess you never want our forgiveness!"
"Don't leave me! Please... forgive me..." I whimper, on the verge of tears as their images fade, faces set in disdain and disgust. They were the only thing keeping me together the last six months... I needed them... They were all I had left...
Before I can burst into tears, I stand and dash towards my room, my sanctuary, to release my pain and beg for another chance. I will do whatever I have to in order to gain their forgiveness... Anything at all.
End Chapter Four
Well, was that angsty enough for you guys? Am I doing better getting back on track with Light and L? Light needs to be broken down before any seducing can take place, so... yeah... Near and Mello take the back burner for a while... I was trying to balance them out and develop them at the same pace, but it seems some people thought I was slightly veering towards Mello and Near. I agree, so this chapter was all L and Light... YAYS!
Whelp, that's that. Thanks to those who stick with me. I love the dream sequence at the beginning... Makes me squee with joy. I know some may be confused about the dream, but I can't give it away; that wouldn't be any fun.
As for Mikami... I always wanted to kill him. Maybe I'll elaborate on why he killed himself later. I wanted to use him as a victim simply because he's such a religious freak; he is the type of person the "psychological predator" would be looking to break down.
As for those who want L to have competition, well I figured Light's family is his strongest driving force, so that can be what L's up against. I always find internal battles much more fascinating. Besides, if Mikami was the rival, it wouldn't be much of a rivalry; Light never liked him, and it would be Mikami molesting Light and nothing else... gross. Maybe Misa...?
Ja ne
Rainbow-chan :3
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Raising Hell