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Goodnight Noises Everywhere	By : FlayraDowitcher Category: +G to L > Hetalia: Axis Powers Views: 1094 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. I am making no money off of this fic.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
***Warnings: Language, angst
***Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. I am making no money off of this fic.
"Wishing you were somehow here again

Wishing you were somehow near

Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed

Somehow you would be here" – Sarah Brightman
Chapter 4: Pestilence and Famine
And so came the first day of their street performance.
Ivan had a fitful night sleep, his mind filled with nightmares of his time at the mental ward. Gilbert's illness had his body shaking him awake. The larger of the two was grateful for the coughing fits that woke him up from his dreams. Seeing as sleep would not come either of them, the two men sat side by side at the broken window to watch the sun rise of the city. The sun had barely risen when they decided to leave the old church and begin their hunt for the perfect spot on the street. When the sun had fully risen in the sky, the two had reached the upper middle class section of the city. Ivan pointed out an open spot on the main market street to set up their show. But there were very few people out on the streets this early in the morning, so their performance would have to wait. Their bellies rumbled with the need for food, and both hoped that by the end of their performance there would be enough to buy some bread.
"Gilbert," Ivan started "Do you think we should have a name? You know, to make us look more…what's the word? Ah! Professional?"
The albino was admiring the flute, thinking of Fredrick as he answered. "Sure. Got any good names in that cloth covered head of yours?"
Ivan chuckled. "How about…The Beauty and the Beast? I'm the beauty, of course." He teased.
Gilbert laughed. "Not with those looks, pal!"
"Of course not. You're the beauty here. I am the beast. Notice today how people look upon me with loathing."
"Fuck those other guys. They all do that. If they don't want my ass then my looks are a bad omen. I was actually hit with a broomstick one time. Some crazy ol' fat lady screamed 'white demon' at me and swung her broom! She was actin' like a witch but I was the demon? I don't think so!"
"Ah, but your looks can work to your advantage. Mine can't. I am the symbol of disease. Of Pestilence."
"If you're Pestilence, then I'm Famine."
They were both silent, and then Ivan turned to Gilbert and said, "Famine?"
Gilbert looked back at him. "Yes, Pestilence?"
"Shall we begin?" He pointed to the increasing number of people appearing on the streets.
"Yes!" Gilbert took off his flat hat and placed it on its top to collect the money inside. "Do you know 'Riddle, Riddle'?" He asked Ivan.
Ivan smiled. "One of my favorites. Ready when you are."
Gilbert put his mouth on the lip plate, positioned his fingers, and began to play a chipper, upbeat little tune. Ivan stood silently for a moment or two so Gilbert's tune could reach the ears of passer-bys. He waited for the right moment to begin singing, and when it came, he sang.
Gilbert looked over at Vanya, meeting the purple eyes as he silently commented on the larger man's voice. Vanya really had a beautiful voice; a soft voice for a man so big. One would think that he would have a deep, baritone voice.
Ivan's sweet voice traveled on the invisible notes of Gilbert's music, swirling through the streets and reaching the ears of the people. First it was an elderly couple that had stopped to watch them. The old man's foot was tapping while the woman's wrinkled hands were swaying with the tune. A few more people heard the music, saw the elderly pair, and joined them to watch. The people stared at the two men, rarely having seen such two unlikely beings. One's face was covered in bandages while the other was pale as moonlight with pink shaded eyes. Yet the performing pair played together as if they were meant to be. As one man left he tossed in a silver coin. It would not be enough to buy bread, but it was a start. Then their music caught the curiosity of a rich man riding by in his carriage. The elderly gentleman with a heavy white handlebar mustache stopped to watch them. He spoke to his footman, who reached into his pocket and tossed a gold coin into Gilbert's hat. Ivan paused in his singing to thank the man before returning to the tune. The old man tipped his hat and the carriage rode away.
Gilbert ended the song and bowed as the people clapped. Ivan took a bow as well, and asked the people if anyone had a song they would like to hear. One woman requested a love song that Ivan did not know, but Gilbert knew the tune. When he began to play, Ivan made up for his lack of singing by dancing. His dancing wasn't like his voice, and he was rather clumsy. But that was part of the charm for the people chuckled and clapped. Ivan kept at it, and Gilbert kept playing. They had enough money to buy a loaf of bread and a clean cup of water. It was time for them to stop though, because Gilbert's chest was growing tight with all the heavy use of his lungs. The people cleared out and Ivan took the hat, picking out the coins.
"We did so good, Gilbert! Look at our earnings!"
"Yeah…wished it was more, though." He forced a grin through his pain. "We worked our way to a warm loaf of bread, Pestilence! I couldn't have done it without you."
"Ah, but the real thanks goes to you, Famine! Your beautiful music with my voice is the key to filling our empty bellies!"
"We're a great team!" Gilbert high-fived him.
Ivan showed him the coins in his palm. "I can taste that bread now!"
"And so can the king!" Before their eyes, a policeman had spoken and snatched the gold coin from Ivan's hand.
"HEY!" Gilbert shouted. "That's ours!"
The police held it in his fist with a smirk while his partner laughed. "And now it belongs to the king! Even the street rats need to pay their taxes!"
"GIVE IT BACK!"
"Tough shit, white rat!" Snapped the other policeman. "The king deserves this gold!"
Ivan held Gilbert back as he tried to claw at the policemen. "The king doesn't deserve it! We worked for it!"
The officer scoffed. "By singing and dancing. Hardly a career job! If you want to earn more you can always suck my cock? Do it good and maybe I'll give the gold back!" He smirked.
"Gilbert, stop." Ivan whispered to him. "We have the silver. Let's just go."
"NO!" Gilbert screamed. "That's our gold! OUR GOLD! WE EARNED IT HONESTLY!"
The second policeman spat at him. "Nothing you do is honest! Listen to your diseased friend here!" Another smug smirk. "Run along now, little rats! There's some fresh sewage down on Tarten Street! I hear it calling your names!"
Ivan had to use little force to actually hold Gilbert back as the man struggled to attack. The officers just walked off, the first one flipping the coin and talking of getting an ale.
Gilbert wanted to scream in outrage, and he had to bury his face in Ivan's chest and pound his fist on the other's shoulders. "It's not fair, Vanya! It's not fair! That was ours! Ours! THEY stole it from US! They're the thieves!"
"I know it was wrong, Gilbert. But we are powerless to stop them. We still have the silver. Maybe we can by day old bread instead?" He felt Gilbert's shoulder's shaking. Was the man crying?
"It's not fair, Vanya." He whispered into the coat. "It's just not fair. Why does this happen to us?"
Ivan simply held him. "It's just the way things are. As long as we keep aiming high and moving forward, we'll get where we need to be. I know it. We can't ever give up, even if all the law is against us."
"But…but I'm so hungry, Vanya! Tired and hungry!"
Ivan thought for a moment, and then pat Gilbert's back. "Let's go through the market and see what there is we can buy for one silver." He tucked the coin in his coat pocket and smiled at the crying man. He hated to see people cry. "Don't cry anymore, Gilbert. I'm here now." Ivan wiped away a tear with his thumb.
Gilbert gave him a sad smile and wiped his nose with the arm of his coat sleeve. "Alright…let's go see what they have!"
The two strolled through the market side by side, stopping at each vender and asking what they had for a silver coin. It was harsh economic times for everybody, and most of the venders could not afford to give up their goods for a simple silver coin. Gilbert was ready to give up, but Ivan still had hope. They came upon a fruit stand where a man was selling apples and cabbage.
"Excuse me, sir." Ivan got the man's attention. "Do you have anything for a silver coin?"
The man stroked his long, straggly brown beard. "Yeah, I might have somethin'. How about this here head of cabbage? It's a bit brown on the edges, but I'll give it to ya for a silver."
"We'll take it." Ivan paid the man the silver coin and took the cabbage, which was only brown on the tips of the leaves. He showed it to Gilbert. "See? We can have cabbage soup tonight. All we need is a pot."
Gilbert was licking his lips as he stared at the cabbage. "I think I have one back at the church! Come on! Let's go get started!"
They rushed all the way home with their single cabbage tucked safely under Ivan's arm. Once they got to the church, Gilbert sent Ivan to gather whatever bits of wood he could find for a fire. Gilbert, in the meantime, found the bucket half full of rainwater, picked out the bits of grass, and carried it in. The hardest part was finding something to put the fire in. Searching around the church had him coming up empty handed at each room and turn. Defeated, Gilbert went back up to their room to wait for Ivan. When the larger man finally returned with an armful of wood, Gilbert had to tell him the bad news.
"Sorry Vanya, but looks like we're eating cold cabbage today."
"Why?"
"We don't have anything to burn the fire in. We can heat up the water…but we can drink it."
Ivan looked at the rainwater in the old bin. "It's not very clean…but what choice do we have?" He placed the pile of wood in a corner. "We'll have to be on the lookout for something to hold a fire." He sat down beside Gilbert who was holding the cabbage. "You eat first."
"We'll pick off the leaves as we eat. We earned this together, so we'll eat it together!"
That afternoon, Ivan and Gilbert dined on cabbage leaves and drank murky rainwater. It was not their ideal meal, but it was enough to soothe the ache in their bellies. After they had finished, the two silently sat side-by-side, backs against the wall; legs out straight, and stared. Ivan was going to ask something about the old church when there was a weight on his shoulder. Gilbert had instantly fallen asleep, resting his head on the other's shoulder. Ivan smiled, allowing the albino to keep his head there. It was comforting to have someone so close to him like this. He laid his head against Gilbert's, closing his eyes and picturing his old life back on the Duke's farm. He would have wanted to show Gilbert his farm, let him meet the animals and help him with the work. Gilbert would like it. But that old life was only a memory to him. Gilbert would never see it, and he would never see it again. Ivan found himself thinking about his mother, and then her tragic death.
It jerked him awake, for he must have just been falling asleep when he had the memory of the automobile. His motions forced Gilbert awake.
"What happened?" Gilbert asked quickly, awake and alert.
"Nothing. I'm sorry I woke you. I had a bad dream."
Gilbert sighed. "Oh, good. I thought it was trouble. I mean, not good that you had a bad dream! But good that everything is okay!"
Ivan nodded. "I understand."
"So what was your dream about?" He asked with a yawn.
"I'd rather not talk about it."
Gilbert got onto his hands and knees to grin at him. "Hey, I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours?"
"Alright." What else did they have to do? He would see how much Gilbert would tell him first.
"Fredrick, who we called 'Old Fritz' in the workhouse, was like a father to me, as you know. A father and friend. He taught me how to play the flute and the many songs he knew. For once I thought I was happy; and I mean TRULY happy." He looked up at the rotting ceiling. "Someone had finally shown me kindness; show me friendship and trust. But then…" he looked at his shoes. "He got very sick and wasn't allowed to be in the workhouse anymore. He was sent to the hospital ward, but they couldn't save him. I didn't even get to say goodbye."
Ivan placed a hand on Gilbert's shoulder.
"I was stupid, too. In order to see him, my head master told me that if I let him fuck me, I would be able to see Fredrick. So…you can see where this is going. I gave in to him, let him have his way, and then he dismissed me. Cruelly." Gilbert clenched his fists. "I was sent back to work, ashamed and embarrassed by what I did, but those two things didn't match up to the ANGER I felt. I remembered thinking, 'how could I have been so stupid' over and over again. And then…when the dreaded news came…from my smiling head master that Fredrick was dead…I thought the floor had opened up under me. I was so upset over his death and how I didn't get to say goodbye that I left the workhouse. Sometimes I think it was a stupid idea, but I couldn't live there every day and see the head master or remember the spots where Fredrick and I used to sit. Too many memories." He smiled at his friend. "Sometimes I like the memories…they make me happy. And then other times they make me sad…and I wish they would go away."
"Hm. I understand how you feel." Ivan replied softly. "I also have many memories…both good and bad."
"Tell me yours, Vanya. Don't be shy, now. I just told you how I let my old boss fuck me and my best friend died of disease."
Ivan took a deep breath. "Alright." He would have to leave some stuff out, but he knew what to say. "You see, I don't remember much after my…addiction." That was a lie, but Gilbert didn't have to know that.
"Addiction? Sex, right?" He tapped at the bandages.
"No, not sex. Opium." Gilbert nodded. "I got caught up in that and it ruined my career as a bricklayer. So it took me some time to get cleaned…you know, get it all out of my system. I would do anything to get it; hence how I ended up with this sickness. Now that the worst is over…I'm just…living day to day, like you."
"Yeah, but what about your family? Didn't you have a family?" Gilbert's questioned.
"I did, a father and a mother. My mother became ill in her head. One day she…went crazy and ran out into the street where she was…was hit by an automobile."
Gilbert's brows raised high. "She was run over? I saw someone get hit by a real big one! Chopped the guy right-" he stopped when he saw Ivan's sad eyes. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I just blurt shit out like that… don't take it personally. And that's rough…what happened to your mother."
"I didn't get to say 'goodbye' either. She was already dead when I pulled her twisted body from underneath the machine. So now…I get a little nervous around those automobiles. Even if I hear them…I tense up." Gilbert slapped him on the back.
"Don't worry about it. I won't laugh at you for that. If you get scared of one, just grab my hand and squeeze, okay?" He grinned. "That'll work for you!"
Ivan looked at Gilbert's face and noticed some tears twinkling on the tips of white lashes. "Gilbert? Are you crying?"
"No. I'm not crying. Not at all!" His eyes remained closed but the tears grew bigger under his lashes. "I didn't get to say goodbye…"
"Fredrick knew." Ivan said, trying to comfort his friend.
"That's not the same, though!" He said through grit teeth, rubbing at his eyes with his fists. "God above, I hate crying! He was alone, Vanya! He was alone when he died! Alone, sick, and scared! I wanted to be with him but I couldn't! Fritz died alone, without me beside him! Without anyone! They just leave people in that ward to DIE, Vanya! We're poor, useless people that the world is HAPPY to get rid of!" his voice lowered to a wheezing whisper. "But that's not even what scares me the most."
Ivan removed Gilbert's hat to gently stroke the white hair. "What scares you, Gilbert?"
He sniffled. "That one day…one day soon…I'm going to die all alone." He let out a broken laugh. "I'm going to die alone, sick, and scared…just like Fritz. I always wondered what was on his mind when he was dying…what was he thinking? When it is my turn to go…what will be on my mind? No one will be there with me. No one will care. I was born alone and I will die alone."
"You forget that I am going to die too!" Ivan lied, in a sense. "I am diseased and there is no cure. My flesh will rot off and I will die of infection. But Gilbert, you won't have to die alone. I am here with you now. Neither of us has to be alone." Ivan smiled at him, wiping away a tear with his thumb.
"But what about when one of us dies? It could be you or me first…that still leaves the other alone."
Ivan didn't have an answer for that because there wasn't one. When he glanced at Gilbert, he saw the saddened look of hopelessness and fear. He pulled Gilbert into a tight embrace and let the weakened man cry into his coat. "Even if one of us dies, the one who lives carries on our memory."
"Sad memories." Gilbert whispered into the fabric.
"Sad, yes. But many good." He rubbed small circles on Gilbert's back. "Every time you have a sad memory about Fritz, think of two good memories in its place. That sometimes helps me."
Gilbert pulled away from him with a smile, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "I'll have to try that, Vanya. Thanks." He cleared his throat. "Should we go digging through some trash cans?"
Ivan nodded. "Yes. How silly it is," he smiled "That Pestilence and Famine are rooting through garbage."
/
The two men found their way to the same garbage bins as before. Gilbert insisted that this house always threw away the best food and that it was worth the wait. So they waited until nightfall when the servants dumped all of the garbage to begin rooting through. Ivan found a chicken bone with most of the skin still left on it. He shared half of it with Gilbert who squealed in delight at the still salty taste. There was half chewed pieces of bread, some crackers, corn cobs with some corn left on them, and something that might have been a cauliflower. It was a good haul here at this house! Once the cans had been thoroughly raided, Ivan and Gilbert set off for home. They took a turn into a local city park to escape the city streets for a bit.
However, Ivan was attracted to the crowd of people gathering around a wagon with lit torches on the roof. The music was what had first attracted him, and he stopped in mid walk to peer over the crowd of heads. He was just tall enough than most of the people to see the stage of the wagon.
"Vanya!" Gilbert hissed. "We have to keep moving!"
"But it's a circus!" He smiled. "Look!" He pointed to the wagon. "I have never been to one."
Gilbert sneered. "It's not what it appears to be! Now come on! We have to leave!" He tugged on the large man's arm.
"Can't we just wait and see what happens? I want to see something exciting!"
"I hate this place, Vanya! Please, can't we just go?"
Ivan ignored him. "We don't have to stay long."
Gilbert could only grumble and hid behind the other, peeking over the shoulder as Clifford came out onto the stage. The people laughed at his appearance; he wore a tall purple skinny top hat and tight blue striped pants. His coat was overly sized and a dirty, patchy green. Gilbert wanted to vomit just looking at the man.
"WELCOME! WELCOME! ONE AND ALL! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, PROSTITUTES AND DRUNKS!" The crowd laughed. "WELCOME TO MY MIDNIGHT FRIGHTS CIRCUS! WHERE I HAVE CAPTURED SOME OF THE SCARIEST CREATURES YOU'VE EVER SEEN! SOME ARE ALIVE! SOME ARE DEAD AND STUFFED! BUT REST ASSURED, MY FRIENDS, FOR MY CREATURES OF THE NIGHTS WILL SHOCK AND FRIGHTEN YOU!" The crowd mumbled and blabbered in excitement. "SOME COME IN, PLEASE! COME IN AND SEE FOR YOURSELF, JUST HOLD YOUR CHILDREN AND WOMEN TIGHT FOR IF ANY GET TOO CLOSE TO THE BARS…" the torches exploded in a blast of fiery light, making the crowd gasp and shriek. "YOU MAY LOSE THEM FOREVER!"
Ivan looked to Gilbert. "Creatures of the night? I wonder what those could be?"
"We're not staying to find out!" He tugged on the other's arm again. "Let's GO! This place is dangerous!"
"How do you know?"
"Trust me, I just do, okay? This is a horrible place for the people who live in it! I can bet that any of those 'creatures' in those wagons and tents are fake! Clifford is a con artist! A kidnapper and a knave!"
"FOR JUST ONE SILVER PIECE, MY FINE FRIENDS, YOU CAN SEE MY CREATURES OF THE NIGHT!" The people were shoving to get to the ticket booth. "AND FOR ALL THE SINGLE, UNMARRIED MEN, COME BACK TOMORROW FOR MY 'LADIES OF THE DARK'!" The crowd was speaking in a deeper tone now as many of the men were eagerly considering the next attraction. "YOU CANNOT TELL YOUR MAMA OR YOUR LADY ABOUT THESE WOMEN! The things they do," he dropped his voice to a whisper. "Oh the things they do." The men cheered and pumped their fists or clapped in approval.
Gilbert spit on the ground. "He's a rotten man, that's what he is! A thief, a whoremonger, and a con artist! I bet he runs it as a brothel too!"
"But the circus can be fun." Ivan mentioned. "They have funny people in there, and people who can do all sorts of tricks."
"Yeah, people who he's kidnapped or talked in to performing for him! Now really, Vanya! Let's go home! Please! It is getting darker by the minute and I don't want to be around here when the crowd thins out!"
"Then you just wait here for me. I want to see all the wagons. They are free, it would seem. The tent is where all the crazy things are."
"Vanya-!" Gilbert couldn't stop the larger man from walking off to the first wagon that held some sort of growling animal. "Stupid guy!" He crossed his arms. 'I want to go home!' The familiar smell of cigar smoke filled his nostrils, and with a growl and a shiver of his shoulders, he turned to see Clifford waltzing up to him. "I should have known it was you."
"Beautiful night, isn't it?" The man took a heavy, loud puff of his cigar. "Come to see my creatures?"
"No. So go away."
Clifford didn't move. "Why suffer so, Gilbert?"
"Do not call me by my name!" He hissed. "Keep yourself and your goons away from me!"
The man appeared to be hurt at the words. "Gilbert, I am only looking out for your life. Just think, if you join my Creatures of the Night, you will have food and a clean place to sleep. With the money you'll make you can easily save up for a doctor." Clifford pat his own chest. "I know you suffer from the cough. You need money to heal that cough."
Gilbert turned away from him. "I would rather die choking on my own blood than join your lies."
"Hear me out. People will pay a lot of money to see a white demon. A sensual white demon. A 'succubus', if you will or rather, an 'incubus'. That would be the boy version of the succubus." He smirked. "You would make a perfect demon. I have some black cloth wings in the storage wagon. They are those of a bat. With the right lightening they will appear real. We give you a tail and seat you naked in a cage to act all lustful and wanton. Oh how the men, and women, would pay to see you! All that money you will bring in can give you food, clean clothes, and a doctor to tend to you. Wouldn't that be simply divine? It's better than what you have now."
The albino turned back around to glare at the circus man. "Never speak to me of such things again. I am Gilbert Beilschmidt! I always do what I want! No one will tell me how to run my life!"
Clifford sighed. "One day you will come to me, begging for a job. Be grateful that I will always take you in." He smiled. "The White Incubus. That's what we shall call you. Or maybe just the 'The White Demon'. With the use of some special drugs and the Green Fairy, I'm sure you'll become the incubus I know you can be!" He laughed. Gilbert took a swing at him but Clifford was able to move out of range. "Cute. Just think on it."
"Gilbert?" Ivan said his name, coming up to the two men. "Why are you talking with the circus man?"
Clifford looked Ivan up and down. "Oh my, look at you! You're a big fella! Diseased, are you?"
Ivan just gave a nod. "Syphilis."
"Vanya, don't talk to him." Gilbert said firmly. "He's a bastard!"
"I'm an entertainer!" Clifford said proudly. "I am only trying to make a decent living best on the best of my abilities. So, masked man, would you like to join my Creatures of the Night?"
"Why would I want to join that?" Ivan asked innocently.
"For money, food, a warm bed?"
Gilbert grabbed his partner's arm. "In exchange for having people stare and jeer and laugh at you for being DIFFERENT! He makes a profit off of your depression."
Clifford gave a bow. "I strive to help the lowly street wanderers. I was just telling your friend Gilbert here that he doesn't need to starve. If he joins me, he can have a quarter of the pay. He will have food, and maybe even find a doctor. He is foolish to decline my offer, and so would you be, Vanya, was it?"
"It is." Ivan said. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I must say 'no' as well. If I ever do decide to change this life, I will seek you out. Thank you for your time." Ivan allowed Gilbert to pull him away this time, and the albino dragged him out of the park and into the dark streets once again. "What was with you back there?" He asked.
Pink eyes closed and he shook his head. "He wants to dress me up as a fake demon. It's because of my albino features, and he knows that. I frighten people because of my looks. Yes, they will pay money to see a white demon, but I will not be kept in a cage for people's enjoyment! I am a person, not a tourist attraction! And neither are YOU! So don't fall pray to his ploys, okay?"
Ivan nodded. "Okay. I do like the circus, though. I saw a tiger!"
"That's great." Gilbert took his hand and pulled him. "I want to get back to the church. I'm very tired and we have another day of singing and playing!"
/
Inside the church, Ivan lit the candle as Gilbert fixed the blanket of the makeshift bed. The air was chilly tonight and it blew right through the old wood of the church. Gilbert coughed a little, using his sleeve to cover his mouth. When the aching had ceased, he turned to Ivan.
"I think it's best if we sleep together tonight." Gilbert offered. "We can keep each other warm under the blanket."
"Yes, I agree."
"As soon as we get up, we head back to the city to perform, take our money and RUN. Those damn officers will take our money again." He sneered. "That really pissed me off!"
"At least we had some cabbage."
Gilbert nodded and settled under the blanket, waiting for his friend to join him. "You coming?"
"Yes." He was taking off his shoes to put beside him.
"Hey, I know you're a really nice guy and have a hard time saying 'no', but are you afraid to lay next to me? I do have the cough, you know."
Ivan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care about that. Have you seen me?" He smiled and tapped at his bandages. Ivan feared that one day he would slip and let it be known to Gilbert that he really didn't have any disease. He didn't want to lose his friend's trust, but could not risk getting caught and being brought back to that horrible place. Ivan would bite off his own tongue and kill himself.
Gilbert smiled as Vanya slid under the small blanket beside him. The man didn't care about his sickness! Gilbert didn't care about Vanya's, either. The man was properly bandaged of any leaking pus and opened wounds. But the best part was having someone sleeping next to him, someone who wasn't paying him for sex. Just a friendly warm body to help keep him warm in the night. He wasn't sure how Vanya would react when he chose to cuddle the other, but the large man made no move to shove him. Gilbert latched himself onto Vanya, resting his head along the other's chest right above his heartbeat. Vanya was warm and strong, so unlike himself. He felt the tears pricking his eyes once again as he remembered how he was once younger and stronger. His illness and homelessness was taking its toll on him. And then his thoughts went to Fredrick, thinking about how the man must have felt dying all alone, sick and scared. Gilbert almost felt guilty of having Vanya here with him. If they were to stay together, it was clear that Vanya would outlive him, and maybe even be here with him when the disease finally took over. He should die alone the same as Fredrick did. Maybe, when that time comes, he should just wander away to die like an old dog; find a dark, cold, enclosed space and let God play His cruel joke.
"Gilbert?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you crying?"
"I never used to cry…but I seem to do it all the time now."
"Please don't cry." Ivan slid his arm around the other's narrow waist. "I don't like to see people cry."
"I can't help it." He let Vanya hold him, which brought about another wave of fresh tears. He squeezed the larger man tightly, or as tight as he could. "I hate this disease. I hate that Fredrick is gone. I hate this life!"
Ivan let the other cry into his chest. "I'm here with you now. I have no one else but you. At least we are together, yes? Be happy about that. We have each other."
"Yeah…yeah we do. 'At least I know he will be here with me for awhile.' Goodnight Vanya."
"Goodnight Gilbert. Sleep well."
"Can I…stay like this?"
"Of course."
Ivan stayed awake for a long while just watching the dark clouds passing over the moon from the window. He could feel the even breathing of Gilbert beside him, signaling that the man was asleep. Poor Gilbert, he thought. The man was suffering much due to his harsh life on the streets along with a disease. Ivan didn't fear catching Gilbert's cough. There wasn't much of life left for him anyway. All they had right now was each other in this dark, cruel world that was against them. This old church was their safe haven. Their sanctuary. Together here they were just Ivan and Gilbert. Or rather, 'Vanya' and Gilbert. Soon he would tell Gilbert his true name. He was certain that if Gilbert knew who he was, where he'd been, and what his crimes were, the albino wouldn't care. Still, it was too much to reveal so soon. His secret would have to stay safe with him for a little bit longer.
Turning over to his side, he pulled Gilbert closed and cradled him in his arms. The man was small; frail and thin. Ivan knew he himself would get to that size as well very soon unless they could eat more. Oh well, tomorrow was another day, he said to himself. He finally let sleep claim him.
But neither men heard the sound of squeaking rats as the rodents gathered in a circle of seven or more. One black rat saw the two laying across from them on the floor. With a squeak and hiss, it ran towards them with the others following.
End Chapter 4 TBC
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Goodnight Noises Everywhere