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Snap Judgment	By : FlayraDowitcher Category: +G to L > Hetalia: Axis Powers Views: 1434 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. I am making no money off of this fic.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
***Warning: Language, humor, mention of non-con, bullying, mention of abuse
***Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. I am making no money off of this fic.
Chapter 4
Gilbert sank down in the deep-set tub filled with exotic bath oils and light bubbles. Soft music of the ocean played overhead as the built in waterfall in the wall gently cascaded down the sparkling rocks. Live plants and tropical trees were scattered throughout the spa room, which gave the tiled room a sensual smell. Gilbert had a mud mask on with his eyes covered by a steamed towel. Behind him sat a young woman massaging his scalp with special lotion. He just lay in the tub like a pile of ooze. After the fight he had with his lover about the pervert photographer, Mr. Wonderful surprised him with spa and skiing tickets. Currently, Gilbert was indulging in the spa portion first as his lover hit the slopes. In his hand he held a sour apple martini (just because he could), lazily sipping it and moaning at the magic touch of the massage therapist.
"Oh, let me call heaven. There's an angel loose."
The young woman chuckled. "Mr. Gilbert, you're such a flatterer!"
He laughed. "I bet all the guys say that to you, huh?"
"Well, no. You were the first. I usually get other things like, 'sexy' 'gorgeous' 'beautiful'. They call me sweetheart and darling-" Gilbert gave a sarcastic smirk.
"Stop talking. Keep massaging." He heard her give a little grumble behind him but he didn't care so long as she did her job. After the massage he had a chance to just soak in the tub, eat some grapes, and hum softly to himself. It was wonderful times like these that Gilbert remembered why he liked his boss and wanted to stay with him. There were more good times than bad, and he liked being spoiled rotten. 'So I put up with some stupid old pervert touching me for two hours. I get all this for it! Wipe it clean from your slate Gilbert my boy!'
"Mr. Beilschmidt?" came a voice and a knock at the door.
Gilbert moaned. "For fuck's sake." He spoke louder. "What is it?"
"There is someone here to see who Mr. Callaghan sent. It's a Mr. Braginski?" Gilbert's jaw dropped. "He is supposed to take pictures of you. May I send him in?"
"Yessssss." He dragged out the word as he removed the towel from his eyes quickly washed off the mud mask. "Send him in." He turned to the door to watch Ivan come in. The man was carrying a rather large handheld camera around his neck. Gilbert stuck his tongue out at the polo shirt beneath a fancy purple vest. "Hooray." He said with little enthusiasm. "I come here to get AWAY from the camera, and BOOM, the camera comes to me! Irooooonnnnnyyyy!"
Ivan just gave a lopsided smile. "I'm sorry, but Mr. Callaghan called me here as well. It was very nice of him to fly me out here."
Gilbert frowned. "Okay, are you fucking him, or something? How the hell are you getting such special treatment? Are you in the Russian mafia and just hiding behind a nerd mask?"
That made him chuckle. "No, none of that." He smiled happily. "Your boss and I just hit it off! He really enjoys my company and my work! I sent a few of the pictures to him and he LOVED them. He wants more of you, and I am to deliver."
"So…you'll be staying with us for the next day and a half?"
Ivan nodded. "Yup! I know we had a bit of a rough time a few days ago, but we can put all that behind us. I have already forgiven you." Gilbert rolled his eyes. "I just like when everyone gets along and has fun!"
"Who are you? Mr. Rogers?" Gilbert smirked and covered his eyes with the towel. "I guess I have no choice but to put up with you. Just what I want on my mini vacation; to have a chubby, annoying, stupid-face, big-nosed smiling doofus with Prince Valiant hair and ugly clothes."
"I guess I'll just go back to my bell tower now." Ivan's little joke caused a roaring laugh from Gilbert.
"Dude, that was AWESOME!"
Ivan's eyes lit up. "I made you laugh? That's wonderful!"
"Yeah! And now you can just take Julie Andrews and dance your way out the door so I can relax!" Gilbert flashed him a rather large obnoxious Cheshire grin. "This is "Gilbo's Happy Fun Time" now."
"But…" Ivan held up the camera "I need to get a sexy picture of you in the tub. Do something sexy, and then I'll leave you to finish your bath." 'Please stand up and show your backside.' He wished silently.
"Ugh. Fine." He removed the towel from his eyes, picked up the martini glass, and leaned his head back over the tub. He faced the camera with a sultry, weary look.
Ivan made a noise in the back of his throat like an 'ooo' and snapped the picture. "Very nice." He smiled.
"Thanks. Now get out. And call in that short woman with the fake boobs and hair extensions. I need my scalp massaged again."
"Okay. See you in a bit." Ivan closed the door to the spa room behind him and gave a sigh. 'I wanted to jump right in that bath tub with him.' With a heavy heart and the beginnings of a hard-on, Ivan went back to his room graciously paid for by the man he despised.
/
"Brrrrr! It's cold!"
Ivan said behind his scarf. He was all bundled up in heavy snow pants, boots, ushanka, and mittens. He liked mittens. Gilbert had laughed at the pattern on the mittens, and even when Ivan explained they were officially from the Ukraine he just laughed some more. Gilbert had said something smart-ass like and Ivan countered with, 'I bet you couldn't even find Ukraine on a map'. Gilbert had flipped him the bird and covered his eyes with the ski goggles.
Mr. Callaghan had retired from skiing for the day and went in to have his own spa treatment. Ivan had to take a few pictures of Gilbert in his ski outfit posing in various snowy spots. Now Gilbert was getting ready to go up the mountain and ski down. Ivan happily ordered a cup of hot cocoa from the snack stand, prepared to watch and wave at Gilbert as he came down the slope. Instead, he found Gilbert next to him.
"Hey, do you ski?" Gilbert asked.
"Ah, no, I don't. I just like watching other people have fun."
"You are so fucking boring! I bet-" Gilbert paused, then his grin slowly grew bigger. It made Ivan sink further into his scarf, like a turtle preparing to hide.
"Haven't you bullied me enough?" Ivan whined.
"But don't you want to learn? Come on! I'll teach ya! I got my boyfriend's credit card we'll hook you up!"
Ivan started to panic. "No, no! That's fine! I'll just sit here, alone, content, sipping my delicious hot cocoa!"
"But you're Russian! Don't you guys like snow and snow-related things?"
"That doesn't mean I automatically know how to ski!" Last time he tried he was a child on the bunny hill and he tumbled all the way down. The other children all laughed at him. "Please don't make me."
"Aw, come on! Quit being such a loser! You're going to ski right now whether you like it or not!"
Ivan snorted behind his scarf and furrowed his brows. "I do not have to do as you say, you big bully!"
At the top of the slope…
"How did I get here?" Ivan whimpered while clutching at the ski pole handles with his knees buckled inward. He feared falling at any moment. The goggles were too tight over the bridge of his nose and they were beginning to ache. "Aren't we supposed to practice on the Bunny Slopes first?"
"Pfft! Yeah, if you're FIVE. Come on, you're an adult now! The best way to conquer your fear is to do it in the most extreme way! Just jump right into it!"
Ivan whimpered. "That doesn't make any sense! I'm a photographer and a cello player! Not an athlete!"
"I know, I can tell by your butt and gut."
"They're 'love handles'." Ivan pouted and looked down at the steep slope again. "Please, can I go back down? I really don't want to do this."
Gilbert smirked and skied over to stand behind him. "Don't be scared." He whispered against the covered ear. "I'll be right behind you the whole time." He couldn't help himself. Gilbert felt an old familiar sense of mischievous delight as he carefully placed the bottom of his pole beneath Ivan's. "Ready?"
"No!" Ivan eeped. 'I just want you to like me, Gilbert!' "Okay! I'll…I'll try. On the count of three. One…' he gulped 'two…' he clutched the handles 'thr-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Gilbert had knocked the pole from under him, which forced Ivan to go tearing down the slope. Gilbert just threw his head back and laughed like a loon.
Ivan's legs wove in and out as he tried desperately to balance himself. People were skiing out of his way and shouting at him to get off the slope. Ivan pictured himself as one of those cartoon characters as they slam into a tree with all four limbs sticking out. The bottom of the slope was in sight but just as he was out of the dark he didn't know how to stop. Figuring it was no different from roller skates, Ivan forced himself to tilt forward in hopes the tips would jam in the snow. Instead he ended up tumbling forward face first into the cold snow. He remained still but someone skied by and showered him with snow the moment he lifted his head.
"Some Yeti you turned out to be!" Gilbert snickered at him. "Enjoying the snow? Snow, this is Ivan. Ivan, snow." He laughed. "See? I introduced you both! Up close and personal!" He pointed and laughed.
Ivan said nothing as he sat himself up in the snow and proceeded to take off his skis. He said nothing to Gilbert as he removed them from his feet and stood up, dusting himself of the white powder. This was a classic Gilbert move from high school. The same thing would have happened if they had gone on a skiing trip. Gilbert's mocking laughter was still the same, and the whole thing made Ivan embarrassed. People were looking at him, some with smirks, others with pity. He left the equipment on the ground in front of Gilbert and started to walk away.
"Hey Ivan? Where you going?" Gilbert called. "I was just having a bit of fun!" Ivan didn't stop. "Come on! It was a joke! Don't be such a sour puss!" Gilbert slowly frowned as he watched Ivan walk away. He gave a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. "That was a pretty jackass move of me." Two kids came up to him. "What do you want?"
"This is a No-Bully zone you big ugly!" shouted the boy.
The girl kicked him in the shin. "You're mean!"
"OW! Why you little-!" The kids ran away before he could yell. "Argh! I guess I deserved that! Fucking kids, running around unsupervised! LET SOMEONE TAKE A BELT TO YOU, BRATS!" Everyone looked at him and Gilbert gave a nervous smile. "Kids these days! God love'em."
Ten minutes later…
"I can't show my face on THAT slope again. I'm a bully and a kid-hater." It was pretty cruel what he had done to Ivan, but he couldn't help it! "I must have done all that kind of stuff to him in high school." Gilbert stopped at a pastry shop window in the lodge and looked at the parfaits. Maybe he should bring a peace offering to Ivan. "Everybody likes parfaits."
After ordering the parfait to go, Gilbert took the elevator to Ivan's room floor. He whistled a merry tune as he found room number 309. Clearing his throat, he knocked on the door. "Ivan? You in there?"
"Go away!" Ivan's voice was clearly upset.
"Come on, Ivan! Don't be like that! I brought you something to say I'm sorry for being a big bully wart-head."
"…a what?"
"Nevermind. Stupid kids," he muttered. "I have something very yummy here for you!"
"…what kind of yummy?"
He smirked. "Oh, you know, chocolaty, creamy…a few nuts…whipped cream…" Gilbert heard the latch chain opening and two purple eyes peeked out at him. He thought it was kind of cute. "Can I come in?"
"Yes." Ivan opened the door and let Gilbert enter his lodge room. "It's just the basic room, but I am grateful for Mr. Callaghan paying for it."
"Oh, yeah. He's got a VERY deep pocket." Gilbert turned and handed him the white bag. "Sorry for pushing you down the slope like that. It was wrong of me," he grumbled. "I won't do it again. Although it was funny."
Ivan said nothing and opened the bag, peering down at the dessert. "Oh, it's a parfait."
"Do you like them? I mean, they're kind of harmless as a dessert."
Ivan smiled. "I do like them. Thank you very much! And I accept your apology. Even though I shouldn't." He pouted.
"Yeah, well. I get like that sometimes. You're easy to bully. And maybe I was trying to get revenge for the things you said a few days ago." He gave a light sneer. "Does THIS trip look like someone who beats me?"
"There are many other types of abuse that aren't always physical. But this is a happy time. Let's not talk about it." Ivan sat at the little desk and took out the dessert. "Would you like some?"
"Oh, no. I don't eat sweets. I'm prone to cavities and I hate drilling." Gilbert glanced at Ivan, and could tell the man saw it as a lie. He changed the subject. "So…you play the violin?"
"Cello. Two very different things." He took a spoonful and licked his lips.
"So you're in an orchestra?"
"It's a non-profitable one. We do it for charity events and school assemblies."
"Huh. That's nice." Gilbert put his hands in his pockets and stared at the large case. 'Hope to be a photographer or play in an orchestra'. Ivan's goals from the yearbook echoed in his head. It wasn't an OFFICIAL orchestra, so he had won that much. But Ivan had still reached his goals…unlike him. "So, uh, you play…oh, what's his damn name? Um, Bemozart?"
Ivan nearly spit out the parfait. "Bemozart? Do you mean, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart or Ludwig Von Beethoven?"
"Oh, I don't fucking know! Either one of them!" Gilbert mentally slapped himself for he knew exactly which two they were. He was just nervous about having to apologize to Ivan and all of the things the big-nosed man seemed to see in him.
"Well, I do play many pieces. I'm not a pro at it, but I'm better than average." He smiled. "I could never kick a soccer ball like you." Gilbert scoffed and crossed his arms, saying nothing. "Would you like to hear a song?"
"Not interested. I didn't come here for a private concert."
"But you might like it!" He finished off the parfait with a 'mmm'. "Wait, just stay behind and listen for a moment!" he took out his cello and seated himself with it. "I know cool songs, not just classical ones."
"Pfft. You can't play cool songs on that thing! It's for Mozart and Beethoven."
Ivan wiggled his shoulders. "You'll put your money where your mouth is." Ivan cracked his knuckles and readied himself to play. He began a quick tune, watching Gilbert's face for a reaction.
Gilbert knew the tune but it was hard to pinpoint it through the instrument right away. Listening to it a moment further he suddenly smirked and snapped his fingers. "That's Kashmir!" Ivan nodded and continued playing. Gilbert started to pick up the lyrics and sing along, until his cell phone rang. Ivan stopped and Gilbert looked at the screen. "It's my boyfriend." He picked up. "Hello?...yeah. What?...OH! Oh, crap! I forgot!...I'm sorry, I'll be there shortly!...no, I'm not busy. I was just talking to Ivan about some poses I want him to photo-!...I just lost track of time! I'm coming now! Just wait there!" He hung up. "I forgot I had lunch plans with my boss!"
Ivan frowned a bit. "Is he mad?"
"No. He's not mad." Ivan knew Gilbert was lying, and the albino recognized it. "We'll do this again, though! I want to hear what other songs you can play!" he headed to the door. "Hey, could you play something with more, like, hip-hop beat on that thing? You know, the music they make with the computers and stuff. Like Lady Gaga or something? Can that thing play that stuff?"
Ivan frowned. "I'd rather break my fingers."
Gilbert laughed and opened the door. "You're good! Smell ya' later!"
Ivan just waved at Gilbert's retreating figure and sighed. "Poor Gilbert. He's so smart he's dumb. Be safe, Gilbie." However, Ivan did get further with Gilbert today than ever. He actually saw the man truly smile when he recognized the song. "That's the Gilbert I like to see." He smiled himself. "If I keep doing nice little things like this and be his punching bag then maybe he will grow to like me more!" Ivan pictured Gilbert back in that spa tub only they were together. Gilbert was rubbing oils on his shoulders and purring in his ear. Ivan shuddered. "Oh my…cold shower time!"
/
Gilbert stood at the host desk, looking around for signs of his boyfriend. The hostess came up to him with a note.
"Excuse me," she asked. "Are you a 'Gilbert Beilschmidt'?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"A Mr. Callaghan has just left but gave me this note to give to you."
Gilbert opened the folded note and read it. 'Went out for some more ski time. I ask one thing of you and you can't do it. That's all the good I do. Very disappointed. Put lunch on my tab and I will see you tonight.' Gilbert frowned, feeling his hand start to tremble with the note gripped tightly in it.
"Is everything alright, sir?"
"Yeah. It's fine. Um, did he order anything?"
"No, but he said you could order and we'll put it on a tab."
'I'd best take advantage of this or I'll hear about it later. Hell, he'll give me shit if I take it or don't take it. Might as well take it.' "Okay, I'll take a seat at the bar and eat there." When he sat down and ordered a frou-frou salad he saw how his hands were shaking. His mind was racing as he thought about what his boyfriend would be like tonight. 'He'll want sex for sure.' He trembled more, and then fumbled in his leather jacket pocket for his Valium. 'I'll get scolded too…but I can handle it.' He took the little blue pill with water. 'Aw shit! I left my fucking Melatonin at home!' The supplement helped to clear his mind so he could fall asleep. 'I'm sure he'll have wine…I'll just ask for two bottles.' The Valium started to work and he felt calm. 'I'll deal with it later.'
But that was his answer for everything.
/
"Hmm…I should buy them both a nice little gift for inviting me here." Ivan wondered out loud as he stopped at a small gift shop. "But should I get something for them both or individually? I'll do it individually, that way I can impress Gilbert!"
Ivan shopped the gift store trying to find the perfect gift for Gilbert. For the bastard boss he would just get a bottle of wine. But shopping for Gilbert was proving to be a challenge. He did not want to get anything soccer related, so what did Gilbert like? He liked dogs. Ivan went to one section with stuff animals but found nothing resembling Mandy. There was another spot with dog magnets but the German Sheppard was sold out. Ivan paused in the candle section to think about what gift he could get Gilbert. The man was enjoying his spa, so maybe something like body spray or lotion. Ivan just realized he never uses lotion himself, so he had no clue on what to get. There was a pretty white shelf with many different bottles of fragrances lining them, but the pastel labels were making his eyes cross. Ivan picked up one that had a rose on it, and then one with lavender.
"Can I help you with anything?" asked the young store clerk. She was a pretty girl with blonde curly hair and a nice smile.
"Um, you can actually." He smiled.
"For a wife or your girlfriend?"
"Well, it's more of a crush." He wouldn't say it was a man.
"Oh, well, what does she like? She likes lotions?"
Ivan nodded. "She likes to be pampered. Very pampered."
The young woman bent down and picked up a box containing a fluffy robe. "We ladies love to be wrapped up in fluff and warmth! Why don't you try this for her? Does she like pink?"
"Do you have any other colors?"
"I'm afraid that's all we have right now."
Ivan gave it a quick thought. It would be a nice gift for Gilbert, but would he accept pink for lounging pleasure? He remembered how the man looked covered in strawberry whipped cream, and then imagined him in the robe. The shade would bring out his pink eyes and it would look perfect against the white skin. He felt himself blush softly at the idea of it.
"Aww! You're blushing!" The girl teased him.
Ivan blushed harder. "N-No! I'm not blushing. Ahem! I'll take this and maybe something else to go with it."
"Well, does she have a favorite scent she likes to wear?"
"I haven't really noticed."
"Men never do." She gave a sigh. "Well, why don't you try this one? Here's the tester." She took Ivan's hand and pressed a bit of the white lotion in his palm. "Just rub it in."
Ivan did so until the white was gone and then brought his hands up to smell the lotion. His eyes widened at the soft gentle smell of the product. He imagined Gilbert lying naked on the bed and smelling of it…and he was grateful he chose to wear the knee-length trench coat out today. He took the bottle from the girl and looked at it. "Spider Lily? Is that really what it's called?"
"Yes. It's a certain type of flower. I can tell that you like it."
"I'll take the robe and your biggest bottle of that!"
She smiled. "I'm sure you'll win her over with these gifts! You're such a sweetheart!"
Ivan just smiled as the girl rung him up and gift-wrapped everything. Proud of his purchase, Ivan treated himself to a glass of vodka at the lodge bar. He placed the wrapped box on the table beside him and noticed there was a small white card beneath the ribbon. Curious, Ivan picked it up and read what it said.
'If it doesn't work with her, here's my number! –Clarice'
Ivan cleared his throat. "Oh dear. That's a first for me!" He lay the card down and sipped his drink. 'Oh wait…that wasn't the first time I got a note like that.'
11 Years Ago…Junior year
Ivan placed his book bag down beside him at the desk, noticing that there was a red folded up note on top. He picked it up and broke the little heart sticker that was holding it closed. The handwriting was that of a girl's and the note read:
'My Dearest Love,
I got your beautiful note yesterday. I loved every word of it. We will be together forever and forever after this day! We will cherish one another throughout our relationship and marriage. Can't wait to see you today.
Your Wife-to-Be,
Natalia.'
Ivan paled; sitting frozen at the sight of the words written in pink gel pen. Could they really mean what they say they do? Is this note even real? He never wrote a note to that crazy girl who sits in the far back row of Anatomy class! That Natalia was known for being violently cruel and strange…who got easily attached to boys she liked. But he didn't like her! Where did she even GET this idea?
There was the sound of snickering behind him, and that was when Ivan knew just who had done it. He turned to glare at Gilbert and one other boy.
"Valentine's Day is coming up, Yeti!" Gilbert smirked. "I thought I'd help you out by getting you a date! She's simply MAD for you!" He laughed again. "And you're just perfect for each other! She wears those weird little doll dresses with the bows and you dress like Carleton Banks! Match made in heaven!"
Ivan blushed angrily and turned away from him, gritting his teeth. Then, he heard the desk creak as Gilbert came behind him.
"You know, if you think you'll get lucky, I always have some spare condoms in my bag. But they might be too big for you. Never mind." There was more laughing and chuckling.
Ivan just buried his face in his folded arms wishing he were dead.
Later on in the day while he was gathering a book or two from his locker Ivan felt eyes on him. He looked to the right and paled, his bottom lip trembling. There, at the corner of the hall was Natalia peeking around the wall, watching him. It continued on like that throughout the rest of the day and from here on out. She would stalk him, begging him to marry her. She would leave little love notes or pictures of them together in Expo marker on his locker door. Ivan would often times find himself hiding in the boys' bathroom, but that didn't stop Natalia. He would always shout for her to 'go away' or to 'leave him alone'. Now he had a crazy girl following him and Gilbert making his free hours of school a living Hell. This was also around the time when he found used condoms in his school bag. Someone had placed them in there, but when he confronted Gilbert the boy denied doing it. Turned out it was done by two of his groupies, but Gilbert never made them apologize for it. Word had gotten around about it and Ivan was teased about it. And when Natalia heard…Ivan knew she wanted to add to it. It was a horrible year.
'I haven't thought about that crazy girl in years! I hope she never finds me!' The 'Stalking of Natalia', as Ivan called it, lasted until graduation where she insisted on sticking her head up the back of his gown. He had taken the next day off of school (the last day) to go to the beach with a bunch of other students. Everyone seemed to care about each other then because those students wouldn't have asked him on a normal day. He was able to avoid Natalia and never saw her again. If there were to be a high school reunion, Ivan wouldn't go knowing she might be there. Now that he was reminded of her he had to gulp down the rest of the vodka.
'I almost killed you that day, Gilbert!' Ivan hissed to himself. "What goes around comes around." 'And there I go again.' He sighed. 'I'm sorry, Gilbert. The past is past.'
Ivan took the gift, paid for the drink, and left the bar. As promised he bought a bottle of wine for Mr. Callaghan before heading back up to his room. He wondered where Gilbert was for he had not seen the man or the boss. Ivan figured they were together and did not need him. He would have gotten a text if either one of them wanted pictures, so he retreated to his room. After a hot shower and a cup of room coffee, Ivan sat down on the bed to watch television until he fell asleep.
/
Gilbert lay shaking on the bed, staring wide-eyed at the printed wall before him. Beside him lay his spent and drunk lover, snoring loudly. The night had turned out to be a horrific one. It started out nice with some wine and talking, like always. The issue about being late had come up once his lover had had one too many glasses. It had turned into an argument with him trying to defend himself. Gilbert hollered back at his boss as the older man yelled his displeasure. A struggle had started with both men drunk, but the violent one more intoxicated. The man had amazing strength when drunk. Gilbert had cried out when grabbed and tossed onto the bed. The fighting did not stop there as Gilbert continued to fend off the larger man. By accident, Gilbert had hit him in the cheek with his fist. This resulted in a brutal punch to his gut, which still hurt to this moment. 'I don't want to mark up that pretty face', were the words spoken after the punch. Then, as usual, came sex.
Although this was the worst sex he had ever been through, it had been more like rape. No matter how much he begged for him to stop the man kept going. For whatever reason, Gilbert couldn't just lay back and let his lover have what he wanted this time. Gilbert normally just took the sloppy sex when his boyfriend was drunk; it was easier that way. Or, he would be drunk himself and barely know what was going on. But something had been different this time with the fighting back on his part. His boyfriend didn't seem to mind it much and he appeared to welcome it. Unable to lie still any longer, Gilbert got up and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. His travel duffle bag was beneath the sink and he took it out to find the Valium. It was getting harder to look through the toiletries while his hands were violently shaking. Not only did his stomach hurt from the punch but his backside hurt as well.
'A bath is what I need.' He said to himself. "I'll take a hot bath while he's sleeping…and the warm water will make everything feel better." Deciding to take a short break from finding the Valium, Gilbert turned on the hot water and let it fill up the tub. He sat on the toilet with his duffle bag, continuing to search through it. He took out his travel size container of Epson salt and poured the small rocky substance into the bath water. The specialized salt helped to heal his backside after rough sex and sanitize any tears. But his hands were still shaking and his nerves only continued to climb when he feared he had left the pills at home. 'Where are they?'
He finally found them safely hidden in a sandwich bag tucked neatly inside a plain bar of soapbox. Gilbert now remembered hiding some there so 'Mr. Wonderful' wouldn't catch him. These were something he got for himself from the doctor, who promised to never say anything. Filling up the complimentary glass with water, Gilbert took the pill and settled down into the hot water. He hissed as the extreme heat immediately turned his skin red, but he was grateful for the temperature. Now he was beginning to relax, and even feeling a bit woozy. He brought his knees to his chest and rests his chin atop of them. His mind was clear enough now to think.
'What did I do tonight? I actually fought him off, but for what reason? I never do that.' He was baffled. He had been drunk too, but the extreme fighting and fucking that came afterwards sobered him up. 'Why do I keep thinking about that big nosed Yeti?' Ivan had come up in his head a few times during the evening just as it had done now. 'What the hell? He fucking sees right through me…but he doesn't understand MY side.' He slashed at the water. 'It's always easier to tell someone what they should do and how they should do it when it isn't THEM.'
Even though times were bad, Gilbert had a lot to be thankful for. A few years ago he wasn't going anywhere. The sport's magazine he started modeling in threatened to sack him because he was getting too old. Gilbert wouldn't call 25 old, but in the modeling industry it might as well be 45. He remembered little about how he got his start in modeling. There was no money in his family budget to send him to a sport's college and he never made it to that sport's scholarship. How or why, he just couldn't remember. If it was something as bad as he thought then he must have pushed it from his mind. He fell on hard times a bit after graduation. Many of his friends went off to colleges and lost touch with him. He worked a simple job stacking shelves in a grocery store until his eye caught an ad in the newspaper. There was a position open for modeling in a local Clipper magazine. So he showed up, they liked him, they took some photos, and then it opened the door to more opportunities.
It was at the near end of his sports modeling days when Mr. Callaghan came by the studio, looking for extra models. Gilbert, desperate to keep in the modeling industry, forcefully made himself known to the C.E.O. He knew who the man was, and this man could save his career. So after a lot of sweet-talking and flirting, Mr Callaghan hired him. Gilbert remembered being a bit appalled by what type of ads and photos his boss wanted him to do, but if it kept his job, then he would go with it. That's when he started becoming a 'sexy male model' in gay magazines. Then one thing led to another; he fucked the boss and then they were dating. Now they live together as a couple. He was living the high life. He was the envy of many models, past and present, for he had the best of everything.
'Of materials. I have the best of everything I could ever want…and I am happy. I am.' He buried his face in his knees. 'I know I'm happy…I'm happy to be out of that home and away from my father. I'm happy that a nobody like me gets to be a somebody.' "I fucking deserve it!" Gilbert knew deep down in his heart that was a lie, but his mind would not let it register that way. "Suck it up, princess. You are awesome; you'll always be awesome; and you'll never be anything BUT awesome!"
There is a saying that 'ignorance is bliss', along with 'ignore the elephant in the living room'. Gilbert didn't want to see the issues that were wrong with his life or his relationship. He saw only what made him happy, what he felt entitled to. Instead of ignoring 'the elephant', he would have to ignore 'the Ivan'.
End Chapter 4 TBC
***I own no products or songs or pop-culture references used in this chapter!***
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Snap Judgment