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Futari wa "GOD DANCE"	By : EvilFuzzy Category: +G to L > Gintama Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The author makes no claim to ownership of the Gintama franchise, and furthermore makes no money from writing or publishing this piece. This is a non-profit fan work.

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Futari wa "GOD DANCE"

A Gintama Kagura!harem fic

By

EvilFuzzy9

WARNING: This fanfic depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.
FUTANARI WARNING: This fanfic also contains content heavily fetishizing "futanari" or hermaphroditism. Originally male characters with female parts, or originally female characters with male parts, will likely abound. If this disturbs or disgusts you, then please kindly click the PAGE BACK button in your browser of choice.
(hiii, kagura fan who liked this but was too embarrassed to leave a public review~ hope you enjoy this chapter, too!)

"Hey, Shinpachi," muttered Gintoki Sakata as he turned the page in his Shonen Jump, lying on the couch as he read. "Do you get the feeling that we're about to become involved in something really weird?"
The plain, bespectacled Shinpachi Shimura looked up from sweeping to shoot a glower at his lazy, irresponsible employer.
"I get that feeling every time I come over here, Gin-san," he said dryly, his glasses gleaming and opaque. "You and Kagura-chan are like magnets for trouble."
Gin grunted, and he folded down the corner of the page in his Jump. Setting the magazine down on the coffee table, the man forced himself up into a sitting position. His wavy silver hair looked especially messy this morning, still the slightest bit damp from a recent shower.
"Well, yeah," the dull-eyed ronin said, running a hand through his untameable snowy locks. "But I mean, this feels like something way different. You dig, Patsuan? I feel like we're about to get involved in something really nasty and degrading."
"That's about normal for this manga, though," Shinpachi interjected, still sweeping. "Although it is a little odd that I'm here this early... usually I'd still be at home doing warm up exercises at this time of day. You know? Doing practice swings with a spare training sword, going through my kata. Stuff like that."
Gin quirked a single silvery eyebrow at his employee's remark.
"Ehhh?" he said. "Seriously, Shinpachi? You actually train?"
The bespectacled sixteen year old shot the twenty-something ex-patriot a dark look.
"Yes," he said through gritted teeth. "I do, Gin-san. Even if the manga doesn't show it, that doesn't mean I'm not training hard to improve my swordsmanship. If anything, it should go without saying that I'm practicing every morning. Considering that Ane-ue and myself are the heirs of the Kodokan dojo."
Gin snorted.
"Even if you say something like that, Shinpachi, you really shouldn't even bother," he said. "Even though you're a main character, and part of the series' core power trio, you're still unpopular and completely unremarkable."
"Is eighth place really that bad, as far as popularity polls?" Shinpachi muttered. "Since it's out of every character in the series."
"It is when you consider that you were the first character to appear in the manga," replied Gin. "You know? You've been in the Yorozuya even longer than Kagura-chan (though not by much) and yet she completely outranks you in every way that matters. Face it, Shinpachi. No matter how hard you might train in the story, if you aren't a popular character then you'll never get to accomplish anything worthwhile, outside of the rare character-centric arc. And when was the last time you had a serious one of those?"
Shinpachi sweatdropped.
"What a cold way of putting it..." he muttered. Louder, though, he said, "Well, there was that galaxy idol thing... You know, with Otsu-chan."
Gin scoffed.
"Hah! Even though that was an Otsu arc, it was practically almost more about Kagura-chan than it was you, right?" he said. "Even if you got to act all cool with your devotion to Otsu-chan in the face of that galaxy idol group's brainwashing powers, it was still ultimately more about Kagura-chan. She got to be an idol, while you didn't even get a concrete job title."
"I still got to support Otsu-chan, though!" retorted Shinpachi, cheeks ruddy. "Even if those photos of us going to a love hotel were fake, I was still able to comfort her in her time of need!"
Gin laughed.
"Yeah, you should cherish that memory, Patsuan!" he said derisively. "Those photoshops of you and Otsu will probably be the closest you ever come to getting laid, since this is a gag manga and you're just a joke character."
"I'm the straight man!" Shinpachi snapped. "Without me, the Odd Jobs would become simply incomprehensible! And even if the main joke with me is that I have a very generic character design and a somewhat bland personality, the latter is only because most of my lines in the manga are tsukkomi of one kind or another! It's not my fault that the author mostly just uses me as a foil to you and Kagura-chan!"
The door to Odd Jobs Gin-chan chose that moment to slide open, the early morning light filtering into the apartment and bathing it in a ruddy, fiery orange glow. In the doorway, they saw the short and slender silhouette of a girl with blazing vermillion hair done up in ornamented odango on either side of her had. Sea blue eyes shone from a face cast in shadow, and Kagura stepped into the office.
She was dressed in a cheongsam without shorts, snow-white legs glowing beautifully in the light of dawn. The front of her dress seemed to move a little strangely, in some way that Gin and Shinpachi couldn't quite place, and she had a curiously vulpine grin on her face.
With an unusually adult swing of her hips, the borderline scrawny-looking fourteen year old alien strutted into her home-away-from-home on earth.
"What, Shinpachi?" she cooed, alarmingly girlish in her speech as she strolled cockily, almost seductively up to her unappreciated sempai. "That hurts, aru. If you're my foil, that means you get to be wrapped around this fine body of mine, right? Doesn't that make you happy, Shin-chan?"
She gestured to her slim figure, and Shinpachi averted his gaze with a blush. He stammered nervously, caught off guard by his admittedly pretty junior's sudden appearance. Her words flustered him all too easily.
Gin yawned, though, looking distinctly unimpressed.
"If you're trying to seduce us, then you'll have to wait until next chapter," he grunted. "The author used up so much time with me and Patsuan's bantering that we're already over the thousand word limit for this story's chapters. You know?"
Kagura scowled.
"You mean I have to wait until next chapter to turn you and Shin-chan into shemales?" she murmured petulantly. "No fair. I'm horny NOW, aru."
Gin shrugged.
"Get used to it, brat. For all the ten years this manga's been running, me and Shinpachi haven't gotten laid once," he said. "Patsuan hardly even has a love interest. We feel horny every goddamn day, Kagura."
Shinpachi sweatdropped.
Wha...what is with this conversation? he thought. Didn't Kagura-chan just say something incredibly suspicious...?
But nobody seems to care what that four-eyes thinks, so it was probably alright.

A/N: I can never resist the urge to start bitching a little when it comes to the matter of how little love Shinpachi seems to get, both in series and out. XD
Updated: 3-9-14
TTFN and R&R!
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Futari wa "GOD DANCE"