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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

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"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
― Rose Kennedy

Chapter 4

The Wounds Remain

Natsu burst into the hospital room smiling brightly. "Gray!" he shouted.
Lucy bonked him on the head. "Idiot, we're in a hospital. You need to keep your voice down."
"But Gray's finally awake." Natsu ran up to the hospital bed and put both hands on it, leaning in with hyper joy. "How are ya feeling, ice princess?"
Gray glared at him for a moment, but then he sadly looked away.
Natsu looked confused at the depressed expression. "Hey, what's up? What's with the silent treatment? You didn't hurt your throat too, did you?"
Erza was already in the room, and she gently pulled Natsu back. "It's best if we leave Gray to rest."
"What?" the Dragon Slayer shouted in protest. "But he's been sleeping for two whole weeks. More beauty sleep won't improve his looks any," he said with a light laugh. "Yeah, but at least you're looking better than before. You looked like hell, all beat up. Hah, you really got your ass kicked, popsicle-pants."
Gray suddenly lashed out. "Shut the hell up!"
Natsu took a step back at the anger in that shout. "S-Sorry," he muttered. "Seriously, I'm glad you're okay."
Erza took Natsu's shoulder and pulled him back out of the recovery room and into the sterile white hallway. He left reluctantly, and Lucy followed along, shutting the door behind them, leaving Gray sitting stiffly in his bed.
"Natsu," the redhead said softly, "I know you were really worried about him, but … maybe you shouldn't come to the hospital."
"What?" he shouted in rage. "Why the hell not? I'm the one who saved his ass."
"Precisely. Gray doesn't like that he lost."
Natsu shrugged. "It happens. You shake it out, stand back up, and keep fighting."
Erza flinched and looked away with her eyes shut tightly.
Lucy saw the pain in Erza's expression. "Is Gray okay?" she asked softly.
Erza wiped a tear from her eye, and slowly she shook her head. "He's awake, which is a miracle in itself, but healing will take a long time. A really … long … time." She paused, momentarily overwhelmed. Lucy placed a hand on her arm, but the mighty Titania managed to harden her heart once more to continue speaking. "His internal injuries were severe. He lost his gall bladder, a portion of his liver, part of his lung had to be fused to the chest cavity because it would not heal right, and his intestinal track had to be completely rerouted because of that gaping hole. His stomach might never fully heal. His leg … he … he didn't lose the leg, but he might never walk on it again."
Lucy covered her mouth with both hands. Natsu just stared with no expression, his face completely blank.
"His leg bone had to be partly replaced. It'll take a few months to heal."
"Then he heals," Natsu said quietly. "We wait. He goes through physical therapy for a bit, and…"
Erza shook her head. "One of the shots was close to the spine. It damaged nerves to his hips and both legs. He's partially paralyzed."
"Oh no," Lucy whispered between her trembling hands, shaking her head in disbelief.
"The shot to his left leg took out the sciatic nerve, completely severed it. It was such a large gash, they can't reattach the nerves. Gray can't feel anything at all below the thigh. His right leg is only marginally better. Parts of it are numb, too. It got a few smaller shots, but mostly it's the spinal damage which affected the nerves. He has about seventy percent sensation in his right leg. The doctors say it might come back, but the left leg … they've done all they can for now. They can't do anything more … except amputate."
"No!" Lucy cried out. "They … they can't!"
"He can't walk, Lucy," Erza reasoned. "As drastic as it seems, it might be the best option. Artificial limbs like Gildarts' leg and arm, magical eyes like mine," she said, lightly touching the bottom of her eye that had been replaced. "Medical science is really advanced. He might need one leg replaced, maybe both, depending on if he can heal. The doctors aren't even worried about the legs right now. He still needs more corrective surgery on his abdomen, maybe spinal surgery, and his lung is still in a fragile state. Until that lung heals, he can't do anything strenuous. He's alive but … but this has really changed him. I've been sitting with him all morning. It's like that isn't even Gray in there. I've seen him sad before, but … never like this. I can't even imagine how he feels, waking up out of a two-week coma and being told all this. I … can't imagine."
Tears were streaming down Lucy's eyes. Overwhelmed, she turned to Erza, who hugged her as she also struggled to remain strong. Natsu stood alone, and as the girls cried quietly, the Dragon Slayer drifted back over to the recovery room.
Slowly, he opened the door. Seeing Gray sitting up after having seen him so close to death made Natsu forget just how bad those injuries had been. He had seen Gray get shot. He remembered all the blood. He had prayed so hard for a miracle, and for a while he thought he got it. Gray was better, everything was fine, and they could go right back to hating each other's guts.
"I hate you, Natsu."
The Fire Dragon Slayer jolted, but then he tried to act cocky. "Yeah, well, who said I liked you?"
Gray's eyes stayed focused on the blue sky outside his small window. "During a fight, a person should be ready to face death. If the enemy is simply too much, they should fight to their very last breath, fight until they can't move, keep fighting and never surrender. If that's still not enough, they should stand their ground in defense of the friends around them and die like an honorable warrior."
"I ain't letting you die," Natsu said stubbornly.
Gray still stared at the sun pouring through the hospital window. "I made a mistake. I totally could have defeated him. Instead, I underestimated him."
"It happens," Natsu whispered cautiously.
Gray sadly shook his head. "By rescuing me and making me live like this—an invalid who will never walk again—this is nothing more than a disgrace. My life … can't ever be the same," he said with a quaver to his voice. Natsu saw that Gray was holding back tears, and his keen nose smelled the fear the ice wizard felt about this horrible and uncertain future awaiting him. "It's over," he breathed. "It … should've been over. My life. Everything."
That angered Natsu. "What, do you wish you would have died? Don't you dare say that, Gray! You're alive by a miracle. You should be happy."
"Happy?" he scoffed, and hate-filled eyes glared at the Fire Dragon Slayer. "Happy about what? What should I be so goddamn glad about? That I feel like shit? That I can't walk? Can't eat? Can't move? Can barely breathe? Can't even feel my legs? Should that make me happy?"
"You're alive, Gray," Natsu whispered, wishing he could see the good in just that much.
"Not by choice. Not by my own strength."
"Dammit, who cares about that?" shouted Natsu.
Gray's eyes snapped over at him. "You should have left me."
"Bastard, what's up with you?" Natsu yelled in anger. "We're a team. If one falls, the others pick that person up. That's how we've always done it. You, me, Lucy, even Erza: we've all had times when we need to have someone else save us. This is no different. Besides, do you think I'd leave a friend behind?"
"Friend?" Gray scoffed. "You're not my friend, Natsu."
He felt a sharp pain in his chest hearing that. "We're teammates," he insisted sadly. "I saved you because I want you to live."
"Why?" Gray asked bitterly.
Natsu shouted back, "What the hell do you mean, why?"
"You want me to be on the team. You want to fight with me and go on missions. Isn't that so?"
"Of course—"
"That won't ever happen again!" Gray screamed. He suddenly grabbed his chest and collapsed backward, shivering in pain.
"Gray!" Natsu cried out, reaching out and putting his hand on a sheet-covered leg. "Gray, what's wrong?"
Raspy breaths hissed between his clenched teeth as he shook with agony. "Everything. Every-fucking-thing is wrong. I … I can't even move, Natsu. Can't get out of bed. Can barely breathe."
"You'll get better," the Dragon Slayer whispered sadly, hating to see Gray in so much pain.
"Better?" he scoffed. "Have you listened to the doctors? Their best case scenarios are that I'll be in a wheelchair. Dammit, I don't want to live like this. Useless, weak, unable to fight."
"But Erza said—"
"Erza's too optimistic. The doctors told me how bad it is. They're not even sure how long it'll take for me to recover from my lungs and stomach. Months! Even if they can fix my gut, the leg is hopeless. I overheard a nurse say it might be better to cut the whole leg off and give me a prosthetic. It's still an option. Frankly, it's a better option than what I've got now." He glanced down and saw Natsu's hand. "Are you touching my leg?"
Natsu looked down at his hand and quickly removed it. "Sorry. Does it hurt?"
Gray laughed sardonically, shaking his head slowly. "I can't feel a thing. Nothing. It's like I don't even have a leg. It's just something there, something for people to stare at. And the right leg: half of it's there, half of it's not. I'll be an invalid for the rest of my life, Natsu. That's what you rescued. Not me. Just a shell of what I was. The real Ice-Make wizard Gray Fullbuster died on that battlefield. I … should have just died."
Flames sparked over Natsu's body. "Gray, you bastard! Don't you dare say that. Do you really want to be dead?"
"I don't want to live like this," he sneered.
"We worked hard to keep you alive. Can't you accept that we want you to live?"
"You're all just greedy," Gray muttered in depression. "Think about me. I'm the one who has to live through this pain."
"You want pain?" He raised his fist, but Gray suddenly leaned over, coughing harshly. He grabbed his stomach, curled to his side, and began to howl in intense agony.
Erza raced into the room and grabbed Natsu's fist. "What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.
"I … I didn't hit him," Natsu muttered. His fist lowered. "Gray?"
Gray coughed harder, and blood splattered out of his mouth. His blue eyes opened wide as pain engulfed him. He tried to cover his mouth, but blood poured between his fingers in thick purple-red streams.
Lucy shouted out in the hallway, "Someone, get a doctor. He's hemorrhaging." Then she ran inside. "Gray, cough into this," she said, holding a pan under his mouth.
As Gray leaned over it, he suddenly vomited bile mixed with blood clots. The blood splattered out of the pan, onto his pillows and blankets, and speckled Lucy's arms and her blouse. Gray groaned in agony, holding his stomach.
"Oh God, it hurts," he moaned.
Lucy rubbed his back and softly encouraged him to cough it all up. Although she tried to be calm for his sake, Lucy's face went pale with terror as Gray vomited even more blood and struggled just to breathe.
Natsu watched in shock and horror as the reek of blood filled the room. It was different from when Gray was unconscious and on life support. At that time, he looked peaceful, like he was simply sleeping, although he had been paler than a corpse. Now Gray had color to his cheeks, but Natsu saw how his body was struggling just to live.
Gray began to gag, coughing mouthfuls of blood so much, he could no longer inhale and his lungs began to convulse as they struggled to get air past all the blood. Doctors and nurses rushed in. Natsu, Erza, and Lucy were guided away from the hospital bed as the nurses dealt with the blood and a doctor called to get a breathing tube to help clear Gray's air passage. As the white flurry of coats and nurse uniforms fluttered around, Natsu briefly saw Gray between the bodies. Although his color was draining fast, and blood streaked down his chin and neck, Gray still managed to shoot Natsu a sharp glare that showed bitterness and hatred.
'You forced me to survive. You made me live only to suffer. You did this to me, Natsu. You kept me alive only to exist in utter hell.'
Natsu turned and fled the room. He kept running, fleeing away from the stench of blood and pungency of disinfectants. His keen ears clearly heard a doctor saying that Gray needed surgery, and fast, or he would bleed to death.
Natsu raced down some stairs, through a waiting room, and out the hospital doors, just as an ambulance was pulling up. The man they wheeled in was bleeding heavily.
More blood! The smell was everywhere.
Natsu turned and ran another way. He had to get away from that building and the smell. At some point, he fell. He had tripped on something, he did not see what, and tumbled onto the cobbled road. As he slid, a rock cut open the palm of his hand.
More blood!
"Dammit!" Natsu screamed, frightening people walking along the road.
He stayed there, down on his knees, staring at the trickle of blood flowing from his hand.
Why did people have to bleed? Why did blood have to smell so horrible? Why did Gray have to get hurt like that? Why…?
'Why Gray? Why not me?'
A hand touched his shoulder. Natsu jolted, looked up, and saw gentle eyes amidst scarlet hair. His face felt wet. He reached up and touched his cheek, too numbed to fully realize why there was water streaming down from his eyes. He had no clue when he began to cry.
Erza held her hand out. Natsu took it, and she easily hoisted him back up to his feet.
"Let's go home," she whispered.
Natsu did not move for a while. Erza had also rushed toward Gray when he was coughing up blood, and Natsu saw drying red splatters on her armor.
More blood! It was just too much.
Natsu collapsed into her arms. He could not remember if he had ever cried in front of Erza like this, but somehow, of all the people he knew in Fairy Tail, she was the only one to whom he could admit his weakness. She held him consolingly, and suddenly she Requipped into plain clothes. Instead of hard metal armor, Natsu sobbed into a ruffled blouse. When he grabbed around her, it was to the softness of her back. When she stroked his pink hair, it was not a gauntlet, but Erza's strong yet feminine hands.
Natsu cried, and he did not care if people saw. He sobbed and wailed, clutching onto Erza's blouse, right there in the middle of the street, and nothing else mattered.
He had wanted Gray to get better, to wake up, be happy, and have more fun with him, being rivals and bickering like they had always done.
He never, ever, wanted Gray to truly despise him.
Next Chapter: "Nightmares and Dreams"
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Life After Near Death