Ass' Pokemon Adventure and crap | By : c0p13r Category: Pokemon > General Views: 3514 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Pokémon' nor do I make money off of this story |
Ass, Mushy, and Peek-At-You reach the Rock Pokemon Gym. They stand outside the door staring at the building.
Ass: With Fuckerbee and Peek-At-You on my side I know I can win.
Mushy: This is your second time battling Pokemon, how are you so sure you can win? I mean you barely beat that Fuckerbee, if it had been a level two Pokemon you would have lost, you don't even know your own Pokemon's attacks for crying out loud. The whole time Peek-At-You was fighting all you did was say stuff like "You can do it, Peek-At-You" and "Peek-At-You, do you think my hair looks ok?"
Ass: Well it was windy out, I was really worried about my hair.
Mushy: That's not the point, the point is, you don't know shit about training Pokemon. Then again, neither do I so we're a perfect pair. A pair that could never win against a gym leader. (Mushy isn't a real gym leader.)
Ass: Well, maybe you can't but I can.
Mushy: How?
Ass: One, I am the star of this here show and two, Peek-At-You is the most famous Pokemon and can never be beaten.
Mushy: I could beat him.
Ass: How, you don't know how to fight?!
Mushy: I mean I can beat him with my Crapoo, the starfish Pokemon.
Ass: Ha, fool, Crapoo is a water Pokemon according to this here Pokedex, and, according to this Pokedex, water Pokemon are weaker than electric Pokemon, which the Pokedex says Peek-At-You is.
Mushy: So, if I beat you, it'll show how much you suck.
Ass: You arrogant bitch, Peek-At-You teach her a lesson.
Peek-At-You: Pikachu!
Ass: What do you mean "No!"?
Peek-At-You: Chu Pi Chu Ka Ka. (Translation: She saved my life which means I can't battle her.)
Ass: You stupid yellow rat, I hate you!
Peek-At-You turns and starts to walk away.
Ass: Wait! I'm sorry, I don't hate you. I just think you're stupid.
Peek-At-You turns and smiles.
Peek-At-You: Piiiiii! (Translation: And I think you're a moron, I was just going over to the water fountain to get a drink of water you dumbass!)
Ass: Ok, since Peek-At-You won't fight, than you're up Fuckerbee.
Ass "throws" the Pokeball to the ground, Fuckerbee comes out and flies away.
Ass: Come back here you piece of shit, I own you.
He jumps up and down for a while (ten seconds) before he gets tired and falls to the ground. Mushy helps him back to his feet.
Mushy: Let's just forget the battle. Go face the Gym Leader with Peek-At-You, lose, and meet me out here, together we can search for more Pokemon to swipe.
Ass: You're right, screw that damn insect. Peek-At-You let's go!
Ass and Peek-At-You go into the gym, Mushy brings out Dieduck and uses it as a seat. When Ass enters the gym, he lets out a scream of terror. It was ugly, it was hideous, it was Cock, the Rock Pokemon Gym Leader.
Cock: Hello, there, I'm Cock, I will be your opponent.
Ass: Can I have a blindfold, please?
Cock: You know you are not the first person to ask me that. In fact everyone who faces me claims they need a blindfold.
Ass (Looking away): So do you have one?
Peek-At-You (Covering it's eyes with it's claws): Pika! (Translation: Oh, God the horror, the horror!)
Cock: What did he say?
Ass: Nothing important, Peek-At-You will need a blindfold, too.
Cock: But Peek-At-You needs to see the Pokemon he's going to face.
Ass: You mean you're not a Pokemon? (Ass is still looking away.)
Cock: Well you know my mom did sleep with that Geocrud one time, but she assured me that it wasn't my father, but now I wonder.
Ass: Can I please have a blindfold?
Cock: There's one right behind you.
Ass opens his eyes and spots the blindfold hanging from a wall. He grabs it.
Ass: Ok let's battle! Peek-At-You, GO!
Peek-At-You jumps in front of Ass and enters its fighting position, it's eyes are still closed. Cock sends out Geocrud and goes into another room.
Ass: Where are you going?
Cock: Everybody who comes here always requests that I battle them in another room, so I set up this room, it has a TV and a microphone which allows me to watch the battle and bark orders.
Ass: That's great, I won't be needing this blindfold after all.
Cock: Funny, that's what everybody says after I mention this room.
Cock enters the room and closes the door.
Cock (On speaker): Since you're the challenger, you go first.
Ass: Alright, then. Peek-At-You, do something!
Peek-At-You uses a thunder attack, it has no effect on Geocrud.
Cock: Geocrud, use your Rock Blow attack!
Geocrud throws rocks at Peek-At-You. Peek-At-You gets hit by five rocks.
Cock: A piece of advice, don't use an electric attack on a rock Pokemon.
Ass: You can't tell me what to do. Peek-At-You use an electric attack!
Peek-At-You repeats the same move, Geocrud is not affected by it. Again Geocrud throws rocks at Peek-At-You and again Peek-At-You is hit five times. Ass tells Peek-At-You to use an electric attack again, Peek-At-You repeats the attack and this time magically defeats Geocrud.
Ass: Hooray! I win! I win!
Cock: Don't get cocky, you haven't won yet, I still have Bongix.
Cock opens the door to his room and throws out a Pokeball.
Cock: Go Bongix.
Bongix: Bongix Bongix! (Translation: Kill me! Kill me!)
Peek-At-You: Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ka? (Translation: Why?)
Bongix: Bong. (Translation: Haven't you seen my master? Hell couldn't possibly be worse than seeing that guy's face everyday.)
Peek-At-You: Pika pika pika chu? (Translation: So you are going to let me win?)
Bongix: Booooooooooooooooooooong! (Translation: Yes!)
Ass: Peek-At-You, beat him!
Peek-At-You uses an electric attack, it hits Bongix, Bongix pretends to faint, and hits the ground.
Cock: I don't know why I even keep this Pokemon, he doesn't even try, one hit from any Pokemon and it's a KO.
Ass: Hey, you suck almost as bad as I do, why don't you join me and my friend, we can all suck together.
Cock: Will we meet any of those identical, inbred Nurse Boys on the way?
Ass: You beat your ass we will.
Cock: Alright I'm in.
He comes out of his room.
Ass: Wait! D o you have a mask you can wear?
Cock: Actually, I do. Hold on, I'll put it on, I'm a real lady killer in the mask, it's a good thing you reminded me of it.
Ass: So where's my badge?
Cock: Right here.
Cock flips Ass the badge. Ass tries to catch it but misses. He picks it off the ground and pins it on his shirt.
Ass: I got a Pokemon Gym badge.
He spins around and holds the pin out in front of him. (It's still pinned to his shirt.)
Cock: What are you doing?
Ass is still looking like an idiot, Cock has his mask on and is all packed and ready.
Ass: Well, it is an improvement. (To himself: At least I can stand to look at him now.)
Cock walks out the door with Ass, Mushy is there to greet them. She screams when she sees Cock.
Mushy: Is that your real face?
Cock: No, it's a mask!
Mushy: Well take it off!
Ass covers her mouth.
Ass: Stifle yourself, you don't want to see what's underneath, it's worse than the mask.
Mushy: Oh, so is he joining us or something?
Ass: He sure is, he sucks as much as me and you.
Ass, Mushy, Cock, and Peek-At-You walk down the road together, the sun sets, and the episode is over. On the next episode, Cream Pocket faces off with Ass and Peek-At-You.
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