Faith | By : BishiMistress Category: +S to Z > Trinity Blood Views: 6602 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Darkephoenix: I'm totally flattered that you liked this chapter so much. Thanks for the belated birthday wishes. I reviewed the last chapter! And don't worry, don't I always make everything better?
Astharoshe: I thought everyone was gonna go crazy because of the way Abel reacted and be all like "he would never do that!" And he can sense thoughts, but he rusty from 900 yrs of isolation and he doesn't command his own abilities as well as Cain and seth do. and mewf :3 thanks for the praise.
DarkCrusnikMagician: Don't cry, I don't want to alienate choo >.< I will make it better, I swear. Yes, we have not hit the worst of the storm yet *gets you a poncho* You and winterfrau are the only ones that signed up for the email thingy *sniffle*
Min: I hope you feel better and recovery quickly! Yeah, Hugue is like that gay best friend that's hot and like perfect but you can't have him cause he's gay and your best friend. Only...I made him not gay AND interested! yay! I wish he were real and under my control. And she didn't really lie to herself or Abel, she was honest and I don't think Abel could handle that. The honest image of her and Cain together and her taking pleasure from it is what got to him. Thanks for the praise and read on, we're almost finished!
winterfrau: You didn't expect it? No one said anything so I thought maybe it was predictable. My goal in life is to be as capricious as possible. Yeah, I wonder wtf people think about me, cause I know my thoughts about others are like brutal.... If thoughts could kill, the world would be a barren wasteland just because of me. Yeah, I felt like this is what would happen. Abel is so sensitive and he can go from tranquil to like rampaging in the blink of an eye. I dunno. he won't stay this way and I will fix it! read on!
If you want email updates when I post chapters the offer still stands: email me at LadyAlexTheGoddessOfSmut@yahoo.com and I will add your address!
Chapter 36: A Mother's Embrace
Alex swiped at the tears that burned her eyes, her anger and her sorrow battling for the foreground of her thoughts. She stomped her way down a stone corridor, her heels clicking violently. She ducked out of the first opening in the corridor, taking flight. Her wings carried her high, past the beating, angry rain, into the cold night sky. She looked down, taking in the group of buildings known as the Vatican. She wanted to be on the other side of the world, as far away from Abel as her body would allow. Her mind raced, a whirlwind of grief. She had nowhere to go. Cain had abandoned her, and Abel had rejected her. She had no family, no money. She couldn’t return to her mundane life as an archaeologist after her transformation into the supernatural thing that she was. She roared senselessly into the blinding sheets of rain, finding no solace in its presence.
She thought about leaving, but remembered Hugue. She couldn’t leave without seeing him once more. She realized she hadn’t told Abel the most important thing she had to say. What would he say if she told him she carried his child? How would he react when he found out she carried Cain’s child as well? She carried the future in her womb and she was filled with wonder and questions. Would she make a decent mother? She wasn’t sure she knew how to be one properly. Her fingers splayed over her stomach and she closed her eyes, listening to her body as the rain died off slightly around her. She couldn’t hear a heartbeat, but she could feel something that hadn’t been there before. What she was feeling was the detour her circulatory system was creating, but the illusion she perceived was that her body was elongated. She berated herself for being irrational and even thinking of leaving the Vatican without money or possessions and casting herself into the world, alone with children on the way.
She touched down in the garden and the rain lightened to a gentle shower. She worked her way through the garden, following a path she’d only walked once, working her way to Hugue’s room. She didn’t know where else to go. She wound through corridors and hallways until she came to a small dormitory. She knew that it was a men’s only dormitory, but it was getting later and most of the priests went to sleep early so they could rise early. She worked her way up to the second floor without being seen, using her mind after that to search Hugue out. She found his wandering thoughts, as easy as ever, and knocked softly on his room door. He opened the door and his frown immediately melted into an almost comical look of bewilderment.
Alex was soaked from head to toe, her wings glistening with small droplets, her hair hanging about her in wet tendrils. The tips slithered and moved, but it was much more subdued than normal. Her eyes were glowing, but the light seemed somehow dimmer than normal. Her face was stained with blood tears and she would have been quite frightening had she not looked so pathetic. Regaining his senses, Hugue pulled off his outer jacket, wrapping it a little awkwardly around her wings, beckoning her inside his room.
“Chérie! What on Earth happened to you?” Hugue pulled her across the threshold gently, checking to see if anyone saw her entering his chambers, before he closed the door.
“He rejected me.” Hugue merely stared at her as if she’d said something so vulgar he wasn’t sure he heard her right.
“Chérie, there must be some sort of misunderstanding.” Hugue shook his head as he looked at her dismay but she looked up at him with a very set look of misery.
“No, Hugue. He shoved me away and refused to say anything. He just looked at me like I was some sort of... monster.”
“Oh, Chérie.” Hugue took a few steps towards her, but was reluctant to embrace her, fearing she needed quite a bit of space. Alex recounted the situation and he listened with growing irritation. “Then he is a fool, Chérie! He does not know what he’s throwing away and he couldn’t look beyond his own hurt and jealousy to see that you found pleasure in it only because you were wishing it was him when you closed your eyes.”
“Hugue.” Alex ducked her head, her wings disappearing, her eyes growing dim. “What am I going to do? How can I raise twins on my own? How can I raise two boys whose fathers don’t want them?”
“Did you not tell Abel about the child? He may be a fool, but he is a good man, too good to let you raise his child without him.”
“I hadn’t gotten to it yet. I mean he just grabbed me and hugged me... Then it was all over.” Her eyes roamed over the furniture in Hugue’s room, falling on the window. The rain had picked up again.
“Are you all right, Chérie?”
“I’m leaving, Hugue.”
“What? You cannot leave the AX! We are the best protection you have while in your delicate state. You can’t hope do go defending yourself and your unborn children from a large group of Methuselahs, especially is Cain seeks to capture you again.
“Let him capture me. There’s no torture in existence that could be worse than what he’s already done.” Hugue shivered at the pain in her voice, finally moving forward to embrace her. He got no images from her, but her raw pain washed over him like a wave of ice cold water. It stole his breath for a moment before it was replaced with warmth and something close to love. He basked in this feeling, elated that he could comfort her.
“Alexandra, he is a fool. He had the world’s greatest treasure laid at his feet and he turned his back on her.” Hugue’s grip tightened and she in turn felt his emotions. She felt some sort of keening ache that she remembered all too well, and for the first time realized just how much Hugue truly cared for her. She lifted her face and kissed him, her emotions, her thoughts, pulling away from him as if she were pulling the thinnest of veils away from him, taking it back into herself. Alex had erected a barrier to her mind, consciously or unconsciously, he wasn’t sure. Unable to resist her charms, Hugue gave himself fully to her, cradling her face in his loving hands as he kissed her deeply, tenderly, struggling to tell her what he had no right to say. When she pulled away for air, she had the most curiously sad look he’d ever seen.
“I am a fool too, Hugue. I did the same thing.” She kissed his lower lip quickly, her own trembling as tears spilled over her cheeks. “I don’t deserve your affections, Hugue.”
“Chérie, you do deserve my affections because you are the first in many long years to stir them so.” Hugue looked at her, a deep genuine smile painting his features. He looked so much younger when he smiled. A sweet tension had built up in the breath between them, each wanting the other, each knowing it wasn’t the right thing to do. She could still taste the longing in his kiss.
“Hugue, how can you stand there and love someone while they go off with another man? How can you be that... good of a person?” Alex didn’t know how else to phrase her question.
“I didn’t know if I could, at first. Seeing you with Abel, seeing the two of you happy. I must admit I felt a great deal of jealousy. When I realized that your relationship had grown, when I realized you’d been with him, something changed for me and I realized you were no longer within my grasp. I had been afraid all along that it would happen, and in my fear I kept myself at too great a distance. My fear produced the exact circumstance I feared the most. If I had allowed you to get closer to me, it might have been me instead of him. So I let you go, I let you find happiness with Abel. When you became a Crusnik, it only made sense. I will die a few short years from now, when old age or battle takes me, and you will live on, as beautiful as ever, for the rest of time. You will forever be the stunning angel I see now. I have no right to ask you to return my affections when we both know that our life spans are so different. I couldn’t ask you to put your emotions through the ringer on my behalf.”
Alex listened to Hugue’s little speech and held him close, amazed at the goodness one person could contain, even while she suffered under the effects of a person from the opposite end of the spectrum.
“I don’t see how you can love me.”
“How could I not love you, Alexandra? I am amazed that anyone could keep themselves from falling in love with you.”
Alex shook her head and buried her face into the front of his robes. He had a unique smell, altogether unlike Abel’s, something like sunshine and clean. That was the word that came to her mind when she inhaled his scent: clean. Despite his tragic circumstance from beginning to end, Hugue remained clean. His anger, his bitterness had left him, and in their place, his love for Alex blossomed into an all consuming fire.
“Alexandra, please don’t leave us. Please, stay here, let us protect you. Let me protect you. If you want to try to repair things with Abel, I will be here for you. If you chose to move on and seek the affections of another, I will be here. Should you decide to leave, I will follow you. I will do what I can to protect you, to shield you from pain of any kind, but it would be easier to protect you physically if you were close by the other members.”
“No, Hugue. We’re in the Vatican, surrounded by people of the cloth, and I don’t think any of them would... find sympathy for my plight. How could any of them accept me any better than Abel did?”
“At least talk to Lady Catherina first. Please, Alexandra, for me?” His eyes were pleading, bordering on rising panic. Alex sighed and relented, nodding weakly.
“If she looks at me the way Abel did, I will break into a thousand pieces, Hugue.”
“Don’t fret, Chérie. We are her children, we were all broken when we were brought to her, and she fixed each and every one of us as best she could. She is your mother too, Chérie, because you were brought into the folds of our family without a second glance. It is not everyday that a new member joins, but she took a single look at you and accepted you without further question. You are quite special, Alexandra, and Cardinal Sforza recognizes that. Go see her, will you?” Alex nodded and handed Hugue his coat back.
“Let’s go then, before she’s gone to bed for the night.”
Hugue hung his coat to dry and grabbed another. He looked around cautiously before they exited his chambers, and was relieved when they exited the dormitory without being spotted. By the time they’d reach the Cardinal’s office, it was quite late and Alex wondered if the woman would still be up. She raised a trembling hand and knocked on the heavy office door.
“State your business with Cardinal Sforza.” Tres’s monotone voice chimed from the other side of the door.
“Tres, it’s Alexandra. I need to speak with Lady Catherina.” Tres was quiet, and Alex shifted uncomfortably. “Please, Tres.”
Alex heard the lock on the door snap and the heavy door swung open to admit her and Hugue. She stepped into the large room, her hands clutching at one another as if she feared they might fall off. Lady Catherina was sitting over a desk full of papers, looking tired, but pleasant enough. She smiled at the two of them warmly.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Lady Alexandra, Hugue?” The Lady’s voice was gentle and bright, like the sun coming out from a cloud. It set Alex on pins and needles. Alex couldn’t respond, looking at Hugue as though she were drowning and he was her only salvation.
“Your Eminence, Alexandra wishes to leave us.” The Lady’s smile faded, her eyes falling on Alex in a rather curious expression.
“Whatever for, Alexandra? We just got you back, why would you want to leave?” Alex gave a non-committal shrug and looked back at Hugue, half hiding behind him like a frightened child. Catherina smiled reassuringly, trying to coax Alex to speak.
“Your Eminence, there is much about Alex’s captivity that is rather hard for her to speak of, but she can show you rather effectively.” Hugue pulled her around in front of him and she shook her head furiously.
“Show me? What do you mean?” Lady Catherina had a sinking feeling that she was about to participate in something less than pleasant.
“No, Hugue, I can’t.”
“Remember what I told you? She had seen the worst of us and never turned her back. Tell her.” Alex gulped visibly and turned back to Lady Catherina.
“Alexandra, nothing you have to say will condemn you in my eyes. If you have something that needs to be said or shown, then I am an open audience.
Alex paled as though the gallows were in sight, approaching Cardinal Sforza’s desk. Tres shifted quietly in the background but Hugue waved him back. Alex leaned far over the desk, her hand outstretched toward the Cardinal’s face. She had such a sad look on her face that Catherina was transfixed by it, only vaguely aware that her hand was about to contact her cheek. When the fingertips of Alex’s hand brushed Lady Catherina’s temple, the connection was made. Cardinal Sforza saw everything Alex had to offer, all the pain, guilt, heart-ache, love, and lust that had been left in the wake of her captivity. The last things Cardinal Sforza saw dealt with Abel and the lives growing within Alexandra. It was only a few moments that they’d held contact, but Catherina felt almost aged by the emotions that bombarded her, one after the other. She had gasped at first contact and tears streamed down her usually stoic face as she ran through the recent events in Alex’s life. When Alex broke contact, Lady Catherina held a hand over her heart as if to hold it together.
“Child.” Catherina swiped at the tears that coursed down her cheeks, shocked to find them there.
“Cardinal Sforza, status report.”
“I’m fine, Tres.” Catherina closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, struggling to sort through the images and emotions that floating chaotically through her mind. She understood the intricacies of Alex’s interactions with Cain, how he gained her trust, even her affection through kindness and loving gestures. She also understood how confused, hurt, and alone Alex felt now.
“Forgive me, Your Eminence, I haven’t found a way to control the stream of thoughts yet.” Alex’s trembling voice broke through Catherina’s thoughts, Alex’s thoughts.
“It’s all right, Alexandra. I had no idea what you’d gone through.” Catherina looked at Hugue and his expression told her that he knew as well. She found herself quite disappointed in Abel’s lacking reaction to Alex’s situation. She understood why he would be upset, but to reject Alex when she was in such a delicate situation was damn near criminal.
“Your Eminence, I think it best that I leave. I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to stay. My... circumstance is rather... unappreciated by the institution the AX serves and I don’t think I can really face them anymore.” Alex bowed her head, praying that Catherina would just let her go.
“No, Alexandra. You are no prisoner, but I will not give you approval, if that’s what you seek. You should realize just how dangerous Cain is after all you’ve witnessed. He could come back and steal those precious lives away. You will be given permanent sanctuary here. I will speak with Abel. If he finds his love that easy to cast aside, he will know that he is still to act civilly around you. Don’t worry, Alexandra. I know you are hurting right now, and you are confused, but you will always have a place here. So will your sons.”
“Your Eminence.” Alex bowed her head slightly, choking on her rising emotions.
“I will call a meeting tomorrow. We will make you an official member of the AX. We could use another Crusnik on the team. Of course, I won’t assign you missions until after the birth. There has never been a recorded case of pregnancy in Crusniks. It should be interesting to see how the pregnancy progresses. Are you sure they are both boys, Alexandra?”
“I’m not completely sure, I am only listening to what Cain said. His senses were more heightened than mine, but I can tell there are two. They are growing quickly.” Alex’s fingers spread over her stomach as she contemplated the life growing within her. “How will I do this? I have never had a mother to teach me how to be. What if...” She broke off, her words catching in her throat. “What if I don’t know how to love them?”
“Alexandra. Your mother was misguided. Look how well you adjusted, how good of a person you became. You know how to love your children, it’s a natural instinct. I’m sure some of the boys won’t mind babysitting for you, either. They will be born into a large, loving family.” Catherina smiled reassuringly and Alex relaxed somewhat.
“Thank you, Your Eminence.” Alex bowed, blushing slightly at her own insecurity.
“Rest Alex. Make sure Hugue rests too. You both need sleep. I will call on everyone and we will formally induct you tomorrow afternoon.”
“Thank you, Your Eminence.” Alex turned as if to leave, but turned back, a quizzical look on her face. “Lady Catherina?”
“Yes, Alexandra?”
“Do I have to wear the white uniform?” Hugue and Catherina stared at her for a quiet moment before bursting into laughter.
“No, Alexandra. I daresay soon you’ll be looking for something more comfortable than those beautiful corsets, but, no, I will not make you wear the white uniforms.” Alexandra bowed and left her office with Hugue. Once they’d reach the relative privacy of the hallway she turned to him.
“Hugue?”
“Yes, Chérie?”
“Will you check my room, make sure that he is gone?”
“Of course, Chérie.”
“Thank you.” Hugue left and returned a few moments later, assuring her that Abel was nowhere in sight. Alex was both relieved and disappointed to find he had left. Hugue walked Alex back to her room and when they reached her door, they gazed at one another. Alex opened the door and pulled Hugue inside, walking straight to the bedroom. She gathered some clothes and disappeared into the bathroom momentarily, reappearing with her pajamas on, some loose pants and an oversized shirt. Hugue stood in the room, awaiting her return. Alexandra approached him slowly, pulling his outer jacket and tunic off, leaving him in his pants. She crawled into bed and watched as he followed her.
Hugue sighed softly, pulling Alexandra against his bare chest. She traced the criss-cross scar on his chest. Alex’s mind whirled as she realized that the first time she’d seen that scar it was an illusion. She nuzzled into Hugue’s chest, his beautiful hair and sighed miserably. She closed her eyes and ran her fingers over his scars, noting the differences, how some were raised and some were depressed, some were soft and some were hardened. She placed a chaste kiss on his collar bone and he kissed her hairline. Sighing again, Hugue tightened his grip and began humming a french tune that Alex remembered from her childhood.
“Hugue.”
“Yes, Chérie?”
“Thank you for being here. I might have done something terribly foolish if I didn’t have someone to be there for me.”
“There’s no need to thank me, Alex. I can’t help but love you.”
Hugue thought about how they’d come to be in each other’s arms, hating that such a terrible situation had to emerge to bring them together. He wondered if Abel had simply let his emotions get the better of him and would come back to Alexandra in the morning, begging to be forgiven. He felt certain that Alex would take him back, if only he would ask. Hugue knew he couldn’t just let that happen. He’d gotten so close to her again, that this time he would fight for her. He hated the fact that he found joy in the same situation that brought Alex so much pain, but it seemed like nothing could befoul the fact that he cradled the woman of his dreams to his chest as she drifted off to sleep.
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