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Blind Fury	By : HollowedRose Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 6534 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! and its characters. They belong to Ryohgo Narita. I'm not making any profit from this.

Chapter List
- 39
- 40
- 41
Chapter 40 - Lonely Footsteps
It was around dawn when Izaya's eyes fluttered open, a pained gasp slipping past his lips because of the uncomfortable position in which he'd been sleeping. He groaned when he tried to get up, agony immediately shooting up his spine and making him halt his movements. For a moment, he was confused as to why he wasn't lying in his bed, but he finally remembered where he was when he took a look at his surroundings. He immediately sought to pull out his switchblades, but Shizuo was nowhere in sight, and Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion when he noticed the blanket draped over his form. He took a few deep breathes to calm down, knowing there was no point in panicking when he was alone. The beast had not only left him there to sleep in peace, but also covered him with a blanket to keep him warm. He felt his laughter effervescing, and he immediately pressed his lips tightly together in order to contain it, waking up the monster being the last thing he wanted to do.
The whole situation was not only insane, but also absurd. He'd fallen asleep on Shizuo's couch, and that alone made him want to punch himself, but he knew that he would never actually do it because he didn't want to damage his good-looking face. Still, it was pretty crazy, even for someone as crazy as he was, and as he pushed the blanket away, he realized just how unpredictable Ikebukuro's beast truly was. Shizuo could've easily killed him, and yet the beast didn't only not wake him up, but also went as far as to cover him so that he wouldn't freeze over night. He clamped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from bursting into laughter, and it was only after he regained control again that he moved his numb feet off the coffee table and got up, a few of his joints popping as he straightened his back.
"One act of kindness doesn't erase what you've done, beast," Izaya muttered under his breath. He knew that he'd forever be mentally scarred by what happened to him, and that was why he hated Shizuo so much. Izaya had been beaten before, especially when he was still young and he'd just started working as an Informant, but things like that hadn't really affected him in the long run. He could take a beating, hell, he could even take a few broken bones, but the humiliation he'd endured at Shizuo's hands broke something inside of him. As he stood there, he was seriously considering stabbing Shizuo in his sleep, and even though he dreaded going into the beast's bedroom, he still slowly and quietly made his way across the small hallway. He stopped when he reached the open door, the nausea he was already feeling suddenly skyrocketing to the point that he had to grab onto the door's frame. He hung on it for dear life, not trusting his legs to not buckle beneath him.
The abhorrence he felt at the sight of his worst enemy made his hand itch for the switchblade, so once he was certain he wouldn't collapse, he pulled it out with a shaky hand and took a step inside. The closer he got to Shizuo, the weaker he felt, and yet he kept on walking despite how badly he was tottering, refusing to succumb to the fear twisting his insides into a cold knot. The darkness within was swiftly devouring him with every moment spent with the disgusting animal before him, and the rage he felt seeping through his veins wanted him to cause havoc. He raised the switchblade to thrust it into the beast's heart, but the monster's peaceful expression froze his hand in the air. Shizuo was obviously not suffering enough if he could sleep so well, and Izaya tried to convince himself that he should wait just a bit longer before finally converting the beast into food for worms. He reluctantly lowered his hand and simply stared at the sleeping face for a long time, all the while fighting the urge to kill him. When said urge finally died down, a malevolent smile spread across his face, and he carefully pocketed the switchblade and went back into the living room, only stopping to grab the cigarette pack and the lighter and give the small hallway one last look before slipping out of Shizuo's apartment and going down the stairs.
A shiver ran down his spine once he stepped outside, the chilly morning air making him wish that he could teleport directly into his bed. He loved the cold, but not when the only thing he wanted to do was to go back to sleep. He stopped for a moment to zip up his jacket before he headed towards the nearest train station, never noticing the person taking pictures of him from behind the corner of Shizuo's apartment building. He sluggishly pulled out his phone and sent Namie a message, specifying that he'd pay her double if she didn't show up for work that day. Luckily, the train ride was uneventful, and he couldn't have been more grateful for not running into anyone he knew; he doubted he could have a decent conversation when his eyelids felt like they had turned to lead. He barely had the strength to walk by the time he reached his apartment, but no matter how tempted he was to fall asleep on the couch, he languidly climbed the stairs and stepped into the bedroom. He sluggishly took off his jacket and put it down on the bed before he crawled over to the other side, covered himself with the blanket, and easily fell asleep. For the first time in a long time, he dreamed that he was a god, and that his humans loved him just as much as he loved them.
He was only woken up again late in the afternoon by the insistent call of nature. He grabbed a clean set of clothes and went into the bathroom to relieve himself and to take a shower, still yawning now and then even though he'd slept for so long. He wanted to go back to sleep, but his stomach was making weird noises to remind him that he should eat something, so after the shower he got dressed and went to make some french toast. He could've prepared something better, but he felt extremely lazy and surprisingly still tired. He took the plate to the desk and sank into his chair, smiling a bit as he turned on the computer and checked his messages.
When he noticed he had a new email from Kimiko, he immediately clicked on it, curious to know if the girl had finally gathered the courage to confess to her crush. He picked up a slice of french toast and proceeded to munch on it as he read her message. Apparently, she had confessed to her classmate, but the teenager told her that he wasn't interested in her that way and that he was already seeing someone. Kimiko then proceeded to cry about how no one loved her and that her life sucked. She also told him that she was waiting for Nakura-san to take her to the building where he said he might kill himself in a previous email because she saw no point in continuing living.
"Pathetic," Izaya complained and picked up another slice of french toast, giving the whole situation some thought before making up his mind to send her a message in which he'd ask her to meet up so that the two of them could jump together to their deaths.
He then swiveled a few times in his desk chair before he stopped and gazed at the city before him. It was bursting with life, and even though he still felt rather tired after everything he'd been through, he still wanted to go out there. He sat there contemplating for a long time, until he heard the sound of a new message and he turned around to send her his reply. He then got up, picked up another slice of french toast before he put the rest in the fridge and went up the stairs to get dressed. He badly needed a distraction, and a whiny teenager girl seemed like a good enough excuse to go out, even if only to mess with her and see how she'd react. Kimiko lived in Ikebukuro, and since he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone he knew, he put on a black hoodie and its matching pants instead of his usual signature fur-trimmed coat. He took a moment to look in the mirror, and when he realized that he could hardly recognize his own face, he softly gasped in surprise . It wasn't the dark circles under his eyes or the cracked lips that made him look different, but that utterly defeated expression on his face.
"Don't worry, you'll feel better tomorrow," he tried to convince himself with a forced smile on his face before he turned around and went down the stairs to look for a pair of sports shoes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd wore them, but he didn't think his usual one worked well with the hoodie, and that's why he opted for something different. Sighing, he put them on once he found them and grabbed his phone, the cigarette pack and the lighter, the keys and a couple of switchblades ― just in case he'd need them ― and plodded out of the apartment.
Sometimes, he thought that he purposely talked to girls from Ikebukuro so that he'd have an excuse to go there, but for once he wished that Kimiko lived in Shinjuku or even in Shibuya because he didn't really want to risk running into Shizuo so soon after his breakdown, especially when he was still very much ashamed about showing the beast his most hidden side. The building he chose this time around was not a popular suicide spot, but many people passed it by and that was exactly what he wanted. If the girl jumped, there'd be a gruesome spectacle in front of it.
He arrived there half an hour early, hoping to have some time for himself before dealing with the whiny teenager. He slipped a hand into his pocket and withdrew the cigarette pack he'd snatched from Shizuo's apartment, all the while doing his best to fight both the disgust and the nausea he felt the moment his fingers touched it. He couldn't stand the thought of being affected by something so small, and he made up his mind to overcome this particular weakness no matter what or how long it took. He slowly pulled one out with quivering hands, but when he brought it close to his nose, he was bombarded by memories of fingers ― smelling the exact same way ― covering his mouth and nose with bruising force. The pack and the cigarette slipped from his hands, and as he stood there leaning against the wall, he laughed brokenly at his own weakness. He knew that it shouldn't affect him so much, especially when he hadn't even lit it up, and yet such a small thing still ended up rousing such a strong reaction in him. "You're pathetic, Orihara Izaya," he chastised himself. "Truly pathetic."
Grimacing, his eyes shifted to the cigarette pack and he bent down to pick it up, immediately shoving it into his pocket so that he would no longer see the damn thing. It was ludicrous that he had such a debilitating weakness, and without realizing what he was doing he rubbed the spot on his neck where Shizuo had burned him with the cigarette before he ran a hand through his hair and moved to wait near the edge. No matter how much of an indomitable task it seemed, he would overcome it. Sighing, he pushed twitchy hands into the pockets of his hoodie and gazed at the view below, now capable of understanding why some people chose to opt out of life. He'd heard of people committing suicide after going through a similar experience to what he suffered at Shizuo's hands, and even though he'd mocked and called them weak in the past, he didn't think that way anymore. Some things were just too torturous to live with, but he wasn't like them, and he had no intention of giving up on his dream of immortality. Broken or not, he still wanted to live forever.
Izaya wondered how the beast would react if he were to attack him with the clear intention of ending his monstrous existence. It was one thing to attempt to take your own life, and another one entirely to let yourself get killed by your archenemy. Shizuo was obviously sorry about what he'd done, but Izaya still doubted that Ikebukuro's strongest would just stand there and do nothing if a switchblade were to head straight for his heart. Then again, Shizuo always did unexpected things, so the stupid protozoan could surprise him by letting himself get killed without lifting a finger. Izaya was however certain that nothing would ever surprise him more than Shizuo's behavior that accursed night.
Sighing once again, he lowered himself in a crouching position, placed his elbows on his thighs and rested his head on his palms while he gazed at the scintillating city below him with a tired expression on his face. He had no idea how long he stayed like that, but he was finally awoken from his musing when he heard the sound of footsteps.
"Nakura-san?"
Izaya forced a smile on his face before he got up and narrowed the distance between himself and his newest toy. "Ah, Kimiko-chan, it's nice to finally meet you in person," he greeted her sweetly before turning around again and heading for the edge of the rooftop. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" he asked as he spread his arms and inhaled deeply.
"I don't like darkness that much," Kimiko confessed shyly and stepped beside him.
Izaya lowered his arms and turned to face her. "But Kimiko-chan," he said and tilted his head, regarding her with something akin to amusement, "in the beginning, there was only darkness." As expected, she gave him a confused look, and Izaya barely manage to suppress a chuckle.
"Are you really going to jump, Nakura-san?"
This time, Izaya chuckled darkly, a nasty smirk almost splitting his face in two. "Of course I'm not going to jump," he declared, enjoying the shocked expression on Kimiko's face. Judging by the way she was gripping the hem of her jacket, the girl was obviously nervous, perhaps even scared, and Izaya thought that was exactly what she deserved for trusting a stranger.
"Nakura-san is mean for giving me false hope," she said in a slightly unsteady voice.
Izaya burst into laughter this time around, a mean, mocking laughter that made the girl take a few steps backwards. "Oh, Kimiko-chan, you're nothing special," he told her right before he moved to stand between her and the door. "You're just as special as every other teenager out there," he added in an amused tone. "Do you honestly think the world revolves around you?"
"N-No," she rushed to answer, her voice now quivering just as badly as the rest of her body. "I never s-said that!"
"But you thought it!" Izaya exclaimed, amused. "And when you realized that others don't see you the way you see yourself, you decided to end it." Izaya's eyes roamed over her form, studying her clothes with an amused expression. "You're trying too hard to look richer and smarter than you actually are. You really bring shame to your name. There's no wonder that guy rejected you!" Izaya barely managed to grab her wrist and avoid the slap, his eyes widening in surprise for only a moment before he put his mask back on. Kimiko looked like she was one step away from crying, and he had to admit that he was enjoying her anger and distress. He'd almost forgotten how good it felt to play with his humans.
"Let me g-go," she pleaded, but instead of moving out of the way, Izaya only realeased her wrist before taking a step towards her, Kimiko mirroring his every move until she was standing at the edge of the building.
"Jump," he said harshly. "Isn't that what you wanted?"
She canted her head and fearfully gazed at the darkness below. "That's because you s-said you'd j-jump too!" she stuttered, a few tears trailing down her cheeks.
"Kimiko-chan is such a sheep! So boring!" he exclaimed as he pulled out a switchblade and flicked it open, her surprised gasp making him chuckle.
"P-Please let me go," she pleaded.
"But you said you wanted to die~e!" Izaya sang.
"I don't!" she rushed to answer, and when he didn't move, she dropped down on her knees, head bowed so low that she was nearly touching the surface with her forehead. "Please Nakura-san, I really don't want to die! Please!"
As he watched the terrified, trembling human beg for her life, Izaya couldn't help but sneer. "There are humans who go through hell every day, and yet you, you selfish little girl, thought that being rejected by a boy was so bad that you had to commit suicide. You disgust me!" he spat and pocketed the switchblade before turning on his heels and walking away. He stopped when he grasped the handle, but he didn't turn around as the next words rolled off his tongue. "Do the world a favor and jump," he advised her before opening the door and going down the stairs.
"How dull," he mumbled to himself and shook his head in disappointment. It never ceased to amaze him how weak some humans were, their desire to live evanescing when faced with problems that seemed insignificant to him. Had anyone else been in his situation, they would've most likely jumped off a building months ago, but Izaya refused to succumb to the depression that sometimes seized his heart and mind and left him numb and wishing to just disappear. The only thing that had improved lately was that he was no longer as scared of Shizuo as he'd been before. Unfortunately, that still didn't stop him from going cold whenever he was anywhere near the beast, the memories of that night having been imprinted into every inch of his body.
Once outside the building, he pulled the hood over his head and waited for a while to see if she'd jump, but when she didn't, he walked away, his feet somehow leading him towards Shinra's place. He tried to turn back a few times, but whenever he went into a different direction, something stopped him and pulled him back to where the doctor lived. He had no right to seek him out, not after refusing to forgive him, and yet he felt so lonely that he could hardly breathe. He had no one to talk to, no one besides Shizuo, and he couldn't exactly tell the beast that he was having a hard time when everything was the monster's fault to begin with. He wasn't sure he could tell Shinra either, but the proximity to the man soothed his aching heart. Instead of going in, he stopped across the street from the doctor's apartment building and sat down on the sidewalk curb beneath a flickering light pole. He pulled down his hood and sighed softly, feeling grateful that he could rest his weak legs for a while. He lacked stamina in general, and sometimes he felt so weary that he could hardly get out of bed, but he kept on pushing himself, every day refusing to succumb to the despondency consuming him from deep within.
Now, more than ever, he wanted Shinra to hold him tightly against his chest and gently stroke his hair ― just like he did that time when Izaya got stabbed. He wanted the doctor to tell him that everything would be all right and that his plan would succeed. There was a big chance that Shizuo would lose it again, and the simple thought of getting caught by that monster made him wrap his arms around trembling, bent legs and rest his forehead against his drawn up knees. He'd never felt safer than the time Shinra held him in his arms, and he hated himself for being so tempted to forgive him.
Just as he was berating himself, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he recoiled from the touch as though he'd been burned, turning around at neck-breaking speed only to stare in wordless dismay at Celty standing there frozen with her hand in the air for a few moments before she frantically typed something and bent down to shove the PDA in his face.
[ I'm sorry! Are you all right? ] she inquired, the forlorn display making her feel horrible for startling him like that.
Ignoring his still wildly beating heart, Izaya licked his dry lips and nodded before he slowly sat back down on the sidewalk's curb.
[ I didn't mean to startle you. ]
"It's ok," he said, trying for one of his easygoing smiles and miserably failing.
Celty's fingers twitched a few times as they hovered above the PDA. [ I'm really sorry, ] she apologized again. Izaya might've been a bastard, but she should've known better than to sneak up behind him, especially after what he'd been through.
Izaya exhaled a tense and rather audible unhappy breath from his nose as he ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. "I'm not made of glass, you know?"
[ Nor are you made of steel. ] Against expectations, his mask slipped for a fraction of a second, and when she saw the pain beneath his usual indifference or malice, she put down the grocery bag and sat next to him. [ How have you been? ]
"Peachy," he answered and inhaled a ragged breath, his voice sounding bitter more than anything else. "How about you, Courier-san?" he then leered, the corners of his lips quirking upwards into a disgusting smile. "Have you turned Shinra into a man yet?"
The PDA slipped from Celty's fingers, but luckily, Izaya managed to catch it before it hit the hard surface of the rugged concrete beneath their feet. "I'm guessing that's a no," he sighed in mock-disappointment as he handed her the small electronic device.
[ Are you here to see him? ] Celty asked in an attempt to change the subject, so flustered by Izaya's question that she could hardly think, images of that time she had slept in Shinra's bed vividly assaulting her mind. They hadn't really done anything besides touching each other, but she still felt herself burn at the memory.
"I'm just resting for a bit," he answered, and he smiled despondently as he gazed at the building before him. "I'll leave in a moment."
[ No, please, come up for a bit. Shinra would be happy to see you. ]
"I can't forgive him," Izaya confessed, and he felt jealousy bubbling up inside of him as his dark red gaze slanted Celty's way. The Dullahan had Shinra's unconditional love, while Izaya himself had no one. He always thought it was ironic how both Celty and Shizuo ― who were monsters ― had people who cared about them. "Why are you still here?" he inquired, regarding her with a confused expression on his face.
[ What do you mean? ] she asked, feeling just as confused.
"I don't understand why you're here talking to me instead of comforting that other monster," Izaya shrugged and turned his head to blankly stare ahead, but he ended up sighing in annoyance when Celty shoved the PDA into his face again.
[ I don't talk to him anymore, ] the text said, and Izaya's eyes widened in disbelief as rusty-red eyes moved across every kanji written by the Dullahan next to him. He'd been certain that Celty wouldn't react very well after finding out what happened, but he never really dared to hope that she would outright abandon Shizuo. His smile was brittle as he turned towards her, and she could tell that he was itching to ask her something.
"Why? You two were friends. Aren't you going to blame me for what happened? Aren't you going to say that I asked for it, that I deserved it?" Instead of replying, she kept looking at him from behind that helmet with her nonexistent eyes, and he felt himself tense so badly that he could feel his muscles twitch. It seemed like forever had passed before she raised the PDA and typed something on it, his heart ratcheting louder and louder until all he could hear were its heartbeats.
[ I don't think anyone deserves to go through... that, ] she answered honestly.
Brown-red eyes stayed glued to the small device for a long time, until he finally found the strength to tear them away from the words he'd been wanting so badly to hear. He felt grateful for some reason. To everyone else, it looked like he blamed Shizuo for everything that happened, but on the inside, there were moments when he couldn't help but think that he deserved it for always trying to push Shizuo over the edge and for being so weak as to get caught. If he was stupid enough to get captured by the wild beast, then perhaps he deserved to be punished for his failure. Luckily, he was usually able to chase away such thoughts, immediately going back to hating Shizuo like he'd always had, his hatred for the man only growing stronger. The smile he didn't know was on his face fell, and he regarded her in silence for a long moment with an indecipherable expression on his face.
[ I'm really sorry you had to go through such a horrifying experience. ]
"But you hate me..." he said weakly, still finding it hard to believe that Celty was being so nice to him.
[ I dislike the things you do, ] she clarified. [ I wish you would've left Shizuo alone years ago. ]
At seeing the beast's name, Izaya sneered, suddenly feeling angry at her. "Even when I left him alone, he still attacked me," he viciously spat out the words.
Celty's shoulders slumped. [ I know... he told me you didn't do anything that day. ]
Izaya's eyes widened in surprised, and he blinked a few times, finding it hard to believe that Shizuo would admit to outright assaulting him for no reason at all.
[ But I also know that it would've never gotten this far if only you hadn't been... ]
"Hadn't been what? he hissed, his hands balled into fists so tightly that his nails were almost puncturing the skin of his palms.
[ ... so reckless, ] Celty answered, and she watched him instantly relax. She'd meant to call him a bastard, but the pained look on his face made her reconsider. There was no point in adding insult to injury.
[ What you did to him over the years wasn't right either, you know that, right? ] she added, almost fearing his reaction. She didn't think he'd attack her, but the last thing Celty wanted to do was to kick someone who was already down; and Izaya was down, she could tell as much. The old Izaya would've never been caught dead sitting outside their apartment building simply because he felt lonely. Celty was not so blind ― even though she didn't have a head and eyes to see ― as to not understand that Izaya wanted to talk to Shinra, but the man's stupid pride and pettiness kept him from going up to their apartment.
"I really couldn't help myself," Izaya admitted as his thoughtful gaze slid back to her. "It was just so much fun to mess with him. That disproportionate reaction of his was fascinating to watch. How can someone who looks so much like a normal human do so much damage with little to not effort at all?" Slowly, he raised his hands and placed them around his arms, fingers harshly pressing into the skin. "Though it stopped being fun when said strength was so viciously used against me."
Without realizing what she was doing, Celty raised a hand and gently placed it on Izaya's shoulder, the man's flinch only serving to convince her that what Shizuo had done was truly monstrous. Izaya shouldn't have been startled by something as innocent as a soft touch, and yet the once fearless Informant was not as fearless anymore. Even though she was not human, she could sympathize with him. Just the thought of anyone touching her ― anyone who wasn't Shinra ― made her shudder, and it had to be that much worse for Izaya because of his hatred for Shizuo. Her former friend had truly messed him up, and yet, no matter how much disgust she felt for what Shizuo had done, she could sympathize with him as well. Izaya had tried to get the blond killed before, and yet there she was, comforting a man she so clearly disliked. She knew that she shouldn't feel sorry for Shizuo, but the memory of her friend's anguished expression as he tried to thrust that switchblade into his heart was making her want to go to his apartment and take him into her arms. She hated herself for thinking that way, but as more of an outside observer to humanity as a whole, she couldn't help but see the end result as a series of unfortunate events leading to an extremely messed up situation.
Even so, Celty knew with absolute certainty that if Izaya would've been the one to do such a thing to Shizuo, she would've killed the Informant where he stood, but because Shizuo had been her friend, she couldn't do that to him. To an objective observer, it'd be easy to hate Shizuo for what he'd done, but she was anything but that, and her subjectivity certainly wasn't helping her out when having to deal with either of them. She almost envied Shinra for how easily he had discarded Shizuo, his friendship with the man ― if it could even be called that ― nowhere near as strong as what she and Shizuo had shared. She wanted to hate Shizuo just as much, because then she wouldn't find herself wondering every day how he was doing, if he was ok, if he needed someone to be there for him, and so on. On the other hand, if she could sympathize with Izaya, who was obviously capable of murder, then maybe she was allowed to sympathize with Shizuo as well. Perhaps she needed to stop blaming herself for feeling sorry for the man, because she was no longer the Dullahan going around Ireland and sending people to their deaths. Since her arrival to Japan, she had made connections with certain humans, and it pained her to see them suffer.
"I'm going home," Izaya said as he stood up abruptly and pulled his hood on. "Don't tell Shinra I was here," he then requested without turning around, a feeling of lassitude spreading throughout his body.
Celty finally lowered her hand and watched Izaya walk away, the man's sagged shoulders making him appear quite small. He looks so lonely, she thought sadly, and as she grabbed the small grocery bag and got up, she hoped that Izaya would soon forgive Shinra, because the man's need for someone to be there for him was painfully obvious even to a monster like her.
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Blind Fury