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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 39
- 40
- 41
"After all, love is all about timing. If you don't say the right thing at the right moment, no matter how much fate was involved in the relationship, everything will be ruined. Even if you regret it, it'll be too late."

— Obata Yuki

Chapter 40

Right Place, Right Time
Natsu sat in a doctor's office, rubbing his face with stressed lines on his forehead and dark circles under his eyes. It had taken him a while to build up the courage to come here, needing to sneak behind Gray's back. He hated hiding anything from Gray, but he also did not want to worry anyone: not Gray or Happy or Lucy or Erza, nobody at all. Now he had listened to everything the cardiologist had to say, and he stared forward.
"So, that chest pain? I don't have to worry?" he asked, not sure if he believed that, although it was good news.
The doctor pushed her glasses up her nose. "I wouldn't say you're perfectly normal. Something definitely happened out there. All I'm saying is, whatever that mystery pain was, it wasn't so bad where it showed up on your current tests. I would guess it was a case of arrhythmia."
"What's that?" Natsu asked quickly, nervous for any bad news.
"It just means your heart is not beating precisely as it should be. Many people get arrhythmias at some point in their life, a feeling of your heart skipping a beat, fluttering, or beating too fast or too slow." She picked up a file and flipped through his medical records. "All of your tests are within normal levels. I see no new damage, no blockages, nothing that tells me specifically what happened to you."
"So, it wasn't like … like a heart attack?" he asked worriedly. That was what he had thought it was at the time, and it was his biggest fear.
"Your heart does not show signs of that being the case. Arrhythmia is fairly common, and lacking any evidence of something more serious, I'm prone to lean toward that as a possibility."
"And that's all it was? My heart … skipped a beat?"
"Even in a healthy person, moments of intense fear can cause your heart to beat erratically." The doctor smiled gently. "I would say that almost being swallowed by a giant shark definitely constitutes a moment of excessive fear."
"I … I was swimming too, though. It wasn't because of something like that, right? Things like running, swimming … fighting?" he asked, wringing his hands together worriedly.
She leaned back and folded her arms. "You're a wizard. You're worried about missions."
"Yeah," he admitted, wondering if that was a stupid thing to be worried about. He wanted to do missions with Gray, but on his first major mission since his heart problem, this happened! He was lucky this time—Gray had not seen anything—but next time might not be the same. If he had chest pain in front of Gray, he would worry over Natsu too much and would not have fun on these missions. Gray might even demand that they not do anymore for a while. Natsu did not want Gray to worry over him. He just wanted Gray to be happy and live life to the fullest. That was all he ever wanted.
"I suppose it's reasonable for you to be concerned about your fighting ability. That's your livelihood, after all. At the moment, I recommend you take it easy, but you probably don't need to stop altogether just for one incident. Like I said, all the tests we've run have come back normal. However, arrhythmia is a tricky problem. Sometimes, it's nothing unusual; sometimes, it's a symptom of something truly dangerous happening with your heart. You just had heart surgery, and arrhythmia is common after such procedures, which is also why I think that's all this was. You were facing a terrifying moment, a life-or-death situation, your heart spasmed, and you felt a pain in your chest due to the intense stress placed upon your heart."
"Is there any way to stop it from happening again?"
"Don't get eaten by sharks," she teased. "It depends on the part of the heart being affected. Your stress test and EKG showed no new abnormalities. Some people only experience arrhythmia at random times. There are long-term tests we can do, but it would take days, and for a single episode of arrhythmia, especially during such an unusually stressful moment, I don't know if we need that just yet. If it happens again, we can put you in a Holter monitor for a two-day EKG monitoring. Depending on the reason for the arrhythmia, there are medications, surgeries, and if it's serious we may need to have you fitted with a pacemaker, but so far this happened only once. It could have been a fluke triggered by adrenalin and fear. It's good that you came in, though," she added. "You never know with this type of issue. If you ever get chest pain again, come in as soon as possible. Don't wait a few days. The sooner we can monitor the heart, the easier it will be for us to discover what's going on. Arrhythmia may be common, but especially with your history of heart trouble, they're something we need to keep an eye on. Pay attention to what you're doing at the moment of the trouble and come see me as soon as you return home."
"Yeah, I will, definitely."
"For the moment, I'm going insist that you get more rest and avoid any major missions for at least a week. Don't drink soda, coffee, or energy drinks, and no more than one alcoholic drink a day. If any activity causes your heart to flutter, stop doing it immediately. Take it easy out there. No more sharks," she teased again.
"Heh! Yeah, hopefully not," Natsu chuckled. He rose to leave the office. "Thanks."
She pushed her glasses back up her nose. "Have a good day, Mister Dragneel."
He walked out through empty white halls of the clinic. He had half the day to himself and nothing to do now. He had expected the doctor visit to be much worse, some horrible news, maybe something was failing in his heart, maybe surgery, maybe he was slowly dying, so many negative thoughts plagued him. Now, he felt relieved that this was not as serious as he feared. He just had to avoid missions that were life-threatening. Of course, giant sea creatures were not supposed to be a big deal to someone as powerful as a Dragon Slayer. He really needed to stop rushing off and doing stupid things.
He left the clinic and looked around. It felt weird not having Happy or anyone around him. He hardly knew what to do with his free time.
"Hmm, I guess I need to go shopping. Do I have…?" He looked down into his wallet. "Oh yeah! We actually did a mission that worked. I have money! Okay, meat!" he declared. He was almost sick of seafood. He needed red meat.
Natsu went to the market and grabbed a basket. He passed fruits and vegetable—maybe he should eat those too, but that could wait—and he went straight to the meat section.
"Meat, meat, yummy meat," he sang happily.
So many kinds to choose from! He wondered if he should go with beef, lamb, pork, venison, or something a bit more exotic since he had the money.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw black hair and a swaying walk he recognized instantly. He looked over and saw a svelte woman who was already attracting looks from both men and women.
"Oh! Hey, Rei-chan," he called out, waving to her.
She paused, a basket of vegetables and juice on her arm, and smiled at the pink-haired boy. "Natsu-dear! Imagine meeting you here of all places."
"Yeah!" He walked up to her, but seeing her in a normal place was strange. "Hey, um … how have you been?"
"I'm doing well, business is steady, just out buying ingredients for dinner tonight. And you?"
He laughed and nervously rubbed the back of his head. "I'm doing really good."
"Oh!" she smiling cunningly. "You and Gray-dear?"
"Yeah, we … we hooked up." He felt heat in his cheeks at admitting that to her, of all people.
"That's wonderful," she said pleasantly. "So how are you two?"
"We're … um…" He looked around. People were staring at them, this gorgeous woman dressed too scandalously for a mere market trip, and some punk kid wearing a scarf. "This is kind of an awkward place to talk."
"Yes, it is. Finish your shopping and I'll meet you up front."
"Okay!" He turned back to the shelves of animal cuts. "Meat!"
A few minutes later, Natsu had bags in his hands. He walked to the market doors and saw Rei-chan waiting for him.
"Are you all done?" she asked.
"Yep! Happy's been wanting something good for dinner, and I'm getting sick of fish all the time, so I got us meat." He grinned, proud of himself and his little shopping splurge.
"How adorable," she giggled. "You're such a good father to him."
"I'm not his dad, I'm his friend. But thanks."
They left the market together and walked out into the autumn chill. Neither looked affected by the cold wind. Rei-chan actually felt warmer walking beside Natsu. He naturally heated up the area around him. She found herself stepping a little closer just to feel that radiating warmth.
Natsu noticed how closely she was walking beside him. If people saw them strolling together this close … it looked suspicious. He asked her, "Are you cold?"
"Walking by you is quite warm," she replied.
"I … I can warm things up more." He did not resort to flames but just let his natural heat burn more. Then, trying not to be obvious, he moved a little away from her. She noticed and decided not to be so close anymore.
"Would you like to talk in a café?" she asked as they came up to some places to eat.
"Oh … um…" He turned his head aside worriedly and glanced around at the pedestrians.
She paused and looked down at him as he tucked his chin into his scarf. "What's wrong?"
In embarrassment, he muttered, "That's sort of like a date."
She giggled. So cute! "No, it's two old friends meeting together. I'll pay my half, I'll sit across the table instead of beside you, and we'll just talk. There's nothing romantic about two friends having coffee together."
"R-right. Okay."
They sat down at a table in front of a café, and a waitress handed them menus. Natsu kept glancing around at the people walking along the sidewalks. This was too similar to the test-dates Rei-chan used to take him on, trials so he could learn how to act when on a date. They had gone to outdoor dining restaurants just like this café.
What if someone he knew passed by? What if people recognized him? What would Gray think if he heard rumors that Natsu was out on a date with Rei-chan? It wasn't a date, totally not something like that, but if someone saw them, wouldn't that be the most natural assumption? A guy and girl eating lunch together seemed like a date, right?
"You're worried what Gray-dear would think, aren't you?"
Rei-chan's question caught Natsu by surprise. She always seemed to know what he was thinking, and there was no point in lying because she could tell every time. "Y-yeah, kinda."
He looked back out. Across the street, he saw Max walking by, but the sand wizard did not even look over. He supposed few people really looked at who was eating at restaurants like this. Even if someone noticed and told Gray, he could just say the truth. Gray would understand.
A waitress came up to them. "Two coffees?"
"Make mine a mocha," Rei-chan said. "Natsu-dear?"
He pulled his attention off the pedestrians again. "Oh! Uh … I'm not supposed to have coffee anymore. Juice, I guess. Oh! Spicy Green Juice. Make it really spicy, too."
The waitress left, and Rei-chan rested her chin on her hand as she looked across the table at Natsu. "Spicy Green Juice?"
"It's something Mira makes when she thinks everyone needs to eat healthier. Cucumbers, celery, kale, lettuce, lime juice, pear, ginger, and jalapeño peppers."
"So, you're watching your health. Is something wrong?"
How did she always figure this stuff out? Natsu knew he should be used to it by now, but he always wondered about her. "I was on a mission and had some chest pain. The doctor says it's nothing to worry about but told me to cut out caffeine, lower the alcohol, and avoid stress."
"You should eat healthier, if how much meat you just bought is any indication."
"No! I got paid a lot so we're celebrating with meat. I don't get to eat meat too often, except fish and sometimes fire chicken."
She smiled at how fast he was to defend himself. She had missed talking to him like this. Natsu was so refreshing, never treating her weird, never flirting, just eating with her like a normal person. When their drinks arrived, she watched him sip the green juice and make a face. Apparently, this place did not make the drink the same way Mira did.
"So, you and Gray are dating?" she asked.
"Oh! Yeah, we are. Things are … they're good. Great!"
Although his voice was exuberant, she saw a slight flinch in his eyes. "But?" she asked, knowing something was going on just by the pitch of his voice.
Natsu again wondered how she figured him out so easily. "But sometimes, I can tell he's pushing himself."
"Oh? How so?"
"I dunno. Things he does." He looked down at the juice which was missing the pear sweetness Mira normally put in and was not as spicy as she made it. He spoked quieter, worried about others overhearing. "Like, sometimes when we're making out, he'll jerk away for a moment, but then it's like he forces himself back. I dunno, just little things like that. I kinda wish he didn't do that so much. I never know if he actually wants it."
"How long have you two been together?"
"Uh…" He put a finger to his mouth as he rolled his eyes up to think. "Ooh, I should know this. Uhh…" He struggled to think back. "Let's see, we got together in … um…"
"Natsu-dear?" she reprimanded with a playful shake of her head.
"I wrote it down somewhere so I wouldn't forget the day. I just can't remember right now. It's been a few weeks, maybe a bit over two months. It was late summer when we hooked up, and it's October now, so around two months."
"That long and he still pulls away?" she mused, looking concerned. "Have you tried being intimate, offered it at least?"
"Well, I … I suggest things. We're doing more, just … not…" His voice faded as he realized he had to watch what he said. "I mean, it's fine what we're doing, really it is, just … it's…" His head dropped, not wanting to complain since things with Gray really were pretty good so far. They were going out on dates at least once a week, they met together at the guild a lot, they spent hours just cuddling on the couch. It was good! Just—
"It's not the level you want."
"I want what he wants!" he insisted instantly, but Natsu's head dropped low again. "But then, sometimes I want more. I want … I want him! All of him. But not if he's gonna pull away. I don't want to force him into something he's not ready for, but still … still, I want it," he confessed quietly. "I'm willing to wait, I'll wait as long as he needs, but it's getting harder not to at least touch him. I want to respect him, but … holding back … it's so hard! And sometimes I think he wants more, he acts like he wants … um, you know … but then he suddenly pulls away, and I'm too worried that he doesn't really want it after all. I don't know if I should pull back or push on or what! I can't read minds and hearts like you can." He sank his head down into his hands, covering up the frustration. "I don't know what he wants, and I'm scared I'll force him into something too soon."
"Natsu-dear," she sighed in pity. Rei-chan reached forward and took his hand. "What you need to find is the right timing. That's hard to know, but when you do find it—the right place, the right time, a moment that is romantic, just the two of you together, all alone—when you find that moment, suggest something you want to do. Be honest about how much you want. Don't just rush into sex, but maybe something you know he'd like, something for him to enjoy. If he's not ready for it, obviously you need to give him time. Being in a relationship means being patient. If it's only been two months, that's still rather early on. Strong relationships take time, and this might still be scary for Gray."
"I know," he mumbled in frustration, and she raised an eyebrow. "I do! I know," he insisted. He slurped up some of his green juice. "Maybe we could do something, just the two of us. Like, not a date. Something longer, being together for a few days, just me and Gray." He smiled and twirled his straw in the green froth. "Maybe something where we can sleep together again."
Rei-chan raised an eyebrow. "Sleep together?"
"Ah! I … I mean … in the same bed. Not … not…" He rushed out an explanation. "It was a mission, a group thing, and we were all sleeping in the same room, all of us, but me and Gray were side by side, and we kissed really quietly so no one would wake up, and … a-and … and Gray ended up rolling over onto my mat and we shared my blankets and held hands through the night and … and…" He blushed and muttered bashfully, "and I really liked that."
She laughed at how red his face had turned. "Well then, why don't you try that? Try setting up a vacation or a mission for just the two of you, a nice little getaway. Maybe something good will happen."
He bit his lower lip. "Yeah, maybe. Like camping. Camping always leads to good things, and it's sort of romantic, sitting out under the stars, eating by the fire, maybe sharing a tent." He blushed as he imagined it, but then looked up at her in worry. "You don't think it's too soon for that, do you?"
"I can't make a judgment like that, Natsu-dear. Only you can, because you're the one who knows Gray-dear best." Rei-chan thought about her little talk with Gray. "Is he okay with the idea of intimacy?"
"Um … w-well … we talked about it early on. He has some hesitations," he admitted, "but a lot of the problems we had at first, we worked through it. It's getting better. We just needed some time for both of us to get used to this." He quietly swirled his straw again and pouted with inner thoughts.
Rei-chan watched him and how he tapped his finger against the table as he stared intently at the green juice. "What else is wrong?"
By now, he expected her to pick up on this. "It's not so much something wrong. I'm trying to take your advice and be respectful. I'm trying!"
"But?"
He tapped his finger and frowned. "I know that Gray has had a lot of partners in the past. Well, maybe not a lot, but quite a few. He's dated, and I know he's slept with a few of those girls. Why is it so different between him and me? Why is he so scared?"
"It's something new to him. Probably, Gray-dear was just as nervous his first time. Eventually he figured out what's good, what's not, and he became more comfortable with sex. Now, here's something new. The way you two would be intimate is not the way he's done things in the past. Especially if you'd still like to be on top."
"Shh!" he warned, mortified at having a conversation like this in public.
"I'll be blunt. He's an ass virgin. You need to be respectful of virgins and give them time."
"Well, I'm one too!"
She chuckled that he would admit that so easily. "Yes, you are. And you're just so eager to lose that bit of innocence, aren't you?"
"I … I-I…" He huffed and looked away petulantly. "I just want him. I want only him."
"I know," she said softly, glancing aside with regrets. "It's always been that way."
Natsu looked over in confusion. "Huh?"
"Nothing," she said, brushing her own emotions aside. "Gray-dear is hesitant because this is totally different for him. It's his first time with a guy."
"I know. I just wish it wasn't different. I don't wish I was a girl," he assured. "I just wish … if I had found him first, if it had been us before he discovered girls…" His voice faded, not sure what he really wanted.
"Do you think that would make a difference?"
"It might," he muttered. "At least he wouldn't be scared."
"He would be, just the same as now. In fact, he would probably be even more hesitant. What you mean is you wouldn't feel jealous of his past. Gray-dear has had partners before, and you're jealous of that experience. Don't deny it; you've admitted that much to me in the past."
"Y-yeah, I guess," he grumbled.
"You still feel inferior, since he has slept with people and you have not." She sighed in pity, reached across the table, and placed a hand over his tapping finger, easing his nervousness. "Natsu-dear, that feeling held you back for so long," she said in anguish. "Why do you still feel that way?"
"I dunno," he grumbled. "I just don't like it."
"You want to be his only one." She knew this, because he had said as much to her in the past when she was training him in matters of love.
Natsu said nothing, but he knew that was the truth. He wanted no one else but Gray. He wished it could be the same, and Gray would want no one else but him. Instead, there were many girls in Gray's past.
What if he wanted them back? What if he decided he did not like anal sex and broke up with Natsu to return to girls? What if he accidentally hurt Gray and ruined everything? What if this whole thing was doomed to end? What if Natsu was just another person for Gray to sleep with, a notch in his checklist of sexual exploits, and nothing more?
Natsu had claimed Gray as his mate, but he had no idea if Gray wanted the same closeness. After all, Gray had slept with many other girls. Some, he slept with and did not even know their names. He had even had a threesome with total strangers. Sex was more casual to Gray, whereas to Natsu, this would be a first. He did not want to have sex with just anyone. This was special. Gray was his mate!
He wished their first time would be equally special to Gray, instead of just one more bed partner in his history of dating. Although he knew he should not hate Gray's past, he still felt bitter about it.
Part of him wanted Gray to get over his hesitations, and part of him liked that Gray was so nervous. If he was too nonchalant and willing, then Natsu felt this would be just another casual sex relationship for Gray. So for how much he really wanted to be intimate, touch him, suck on him, thrust into him, love him all night long, he also feared that once they crossed that boundary, it would all end. There would be no more mystery. He would be just another lover.
"I don't think Gray-dear would break up with you after one time sleeping together."
Natsu looked up sharply. Seriously, how did this woman always know his thoughts?
"He's very nervous about this, Natsu-dear. It's not just one more partner to warm his bed. The fact that it has taken him two months just to cuddle you while you sleep is proof that he's taking this relationship very seriously. He respects you as a virgin as much as you respect him."
"Well, you taught me to respect him. I might have been really messed up if it wasn't for you." Natsu tightened his brow and began to tap his finger again.
"Something else is wrong."
He froze and jolted up. "Ah! It … it's nothing."
"Natsu-dear…" she scolded, knowing better.
"It's … I almost wish…" He sighed and looked away with silent yearning.
"You can tell me. I keep secrets."
"I know." He still hesitated, but at last he looked straight at her. "I almost wish you could talk to him. You know, like you talked with me."
She laughed at the irony. She figured Gray would not have told Natsu about meeting up with her. After all, that was an awkward situation, being dragged into a strip club by Loke, and then chatting with the woman who had trained Natsu for months. "Um … well … what would you have me say to him?"
"Show him it won't hurt," Natsu blurted out. "Show him there's nothing to be scared of."
"Show him?" Rei-chan folded her arms and looked at him levelly. "Do you really want me to do intimate things to your boyfriend? Things that can't be mentioned in public?"
"Things…? No!" he cried out. "Not like that!"
"Then like what? How else could I show him that it won't hurt? Do you really want me to do the same things to him as I did to you?"
Natsu blushed as he thought about their lessons together. "N-no. No, not really. Especially not now that we're dating. Just, when I was going to you for advice, you made everything sound so … so normal."
"It is normal."
"Exactly. With you, it never felt perverted or unusual. It was just what it was. You … made this easier."
Hearing that both gladdening her and painfully stabbed at her heart. "Well, I'm glad you felt safe around me," she muttered. "You need to make him feel safe around you. Maybe you need to be a little less timid."
"Well, I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want."
"No, definitely not! Always ask for permission."
"I know, I know." He repeated what she had told him many times. "Always get consent."
"Yes, that's important, one of the most important things about being in a relationship."
"I know," he sighed. "And I've been doing it, really. I mean, I even asked for permission to suck on his finger." Natsu suddenly froze and looked around, realizing there were still people sitting at nearby tables. "Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud."
Rei-chan chuckled at his bashful awkwardness. "You definitely are treating him well, and that's good. You should continue, but … you could suggest actions just a little firmer. You do tend to be wishy-washy."
Natsu was not so sure about that. He knew how he could get when he became aggressive. It was never just a little. "How?" he asked.
"Hmm … Maybe try being more assertive. Always ask for permission, but state what you actually want first, then ask if what you want is okay. If he's not ready for it, back off right away. But it might be he's timid as well. If he hears directly what you want, he can decide if that's okay first, and then he won't pull away when you do it." She let out a sigh as she finished her coffee. "Two guys who have never had sex with other men! You two are a handful."
"S-sorry."
"It's all right. I like watching how you two progress."
Natsu slurped up the last of his frothy juice. "How do you know how Gray's progressing?"
She chuckled as she realized she had to hide Gray's little secret meeting with her. "Well, through you, my dear," she said lightly, and she placed some money onto the table.
"Oh! Y-yeah."
She closed up her purse and stood up. "Well, I have to meet someone in half an hour, and I have to drop my groceries off."
"Oh! Sorry for keeping you." Natsu also placed money down for his drink and walked her away from the restaurant. "Thanks."
"Any time. And if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."
"Uh … I … I shouldn't go there anymore."
She chuckled and patted his arm. "You can always come in through the back door."
"Oh. Um … like before?" he muttered, thinking about those visits.
"Yes, like our sessions."
"Yeah … um … I dunno," he muttered.
"Just to talk," she assured. "Look, I'm not going to touch you if you say no."
"I know you won't." He forced a smile up at her. "Thanks for the invitation."
"Sure. See you, Natsu-dear."
She left and went home first to drop her groceries off. She then walked to the Pussy Palace and through the entrance. It was early, not many customers were around yet, and the girls dancing on the stage were new, still learning their routines. She watched and made a few notes for later to help them refine their dancing. She waved to a few of her girls on duty and headed to the back.
As the owner and manger of the strip club, she had her own office as well as a private room for her special customers, people like Natsu who were not necessarily there for a show. She went into her office, dropped off her purse, shook lose her hair, and walked into the private room. Immediately, a man stood politely. Really, such old-fashion refinement! She never expected that from a wizard.
"Hello, Gray-dear."
The Ice-Make wizard watched her enter and move around the room with an erotic grace. "You came after all."
"You asked for me. Of course I'd schedule you in."
"I wasn't sure if you'd be … busy. You know, with … um … work."
She chuckled as she took a seat, and he sat back down on a plush chair. "You seem to think I spend morning, noon, and night pleasing men. Believe me, my life is hardly that monotonous. So, what can I do for you?"
"Um…" He fisted up his hands, fighting the temptation to strip. Like hell would he do that here, of all places. "Dammit, I had this all planned in my head. Saying it out loud is hard."
She smiled silently and waited for him.
"I … I want you to know, Natsu and I … we hooked up."
She fought against a laugh. Gray should not know she had just been speaking to his boyfriend. "Is that so? Well, that's good to know. I assume you two aren't intimate yet."
"Sheesh, how do you always know these things?" he cried out. This woman really was uncanny.
She chuckled slyly. "A talent."
"We're … building up to it. Slowly," he muttered, his cheeks burning bright. "Things … they're slow … but … y'know, they're good. I'm happy, but … l-look, if I want … if I'm gonna … take things a step closer with Natsu, but I'm not … ready … for sex … just a little bit more, y'know."
She crossed a leg over her knee and looked at him levelly. "So, you're here for love advice, is that it?"
"Y-yeah, I guess," he muttered, hunching over and staring at the red rug on her floor. "I couldn't think of anyone else I could turn to. It's awkward as hell talking to you of all people, but I don't want to fuck up with him, and you're the only one who really knows him … this way."
"As a man who can enjoy sexual pleasure and not purely as the silly boy he pretends to be in public?"
"Seriously, can you not be that blunt?" he snapped.
"Why not? Unless you're still jealous," she smirked.
Gray shot an acidic glare at her, and Rei-chan giggled mischievously.
"So, you want more in your relationship, but you're not ready for sex?"
"Y-yeah. I guess," he mumbled. "I mean, what do two guys do together?"
She sighed and picked at a fingernail. "You know, I could suggest some really accurate and instructional porn videos for you."
"No!" he cringed, but then he thought about it. "Maybe … no!" he insisted. "No, I can look that stuff up on my own."
"If you want." She tapped her finger against her lip. "Hmm, what two guys can do for one another that isn't flat out banging each other's asses, right?"
He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "To put it bluntly, yeah."
"You could always just wait for the right place and the right time. Let something happen naturally between you. Call it quits as soon as it becomes uncomfortable, but otherwise, just go for it. Do whatever feels good."
"Do what, exactly? I mean, I could wait for him to suggest things, but Natsu seems too timid."
"He really does, doesn't he?" she chuckled, realizing she had just warned Natsu about this exact same problem. For someone so outgoing, he was timid when it came to Gray. "There's always oral sex, you know. Have you had a woman suck on you before?"
"Y-yeah," he blushed, thinking about many times women had done that much to him.
"So you know it feels good. Natsu would probably love to give you a blow job, and if you're comfortable, you could give back."
Gray remembered when Natsu sucked on his finger. That night, he had wanted Natsu to do so much more to him. He knew, if Natsu ever offered, he would allow him. The problem was getting that far with intimacy. "What else, other than blow jobs? Like, how could I lead up to that?"
"You could always stroke him off. I'm sure he'd love that."
Gray frowned and folded his arms.
"What's wrong?" Rei-chan asked.
Gray muttered with a reddening face, "I … I've never … touched another guy like that."
"You do know how to stroke yourself off, right?"
"Obviously!" he snapped.
"In my experience with other women, it works pretty much the same as whatever you like. Touch him the way you like to be touched."
How he liked it? Gray hardly even thought about it anymore. He just grabbed, jerked, and enjoyed it. Touching another person would be a lot harder. What if he grabbed too hard? What if he stroked wrong? What if Natsu did not like his cold hands?
"Is there anything else? Is that it? Just hands and mouth?"
"Oh Gray-dear!" she chuckled. "Your options are limitless! Not just hands and mouth. Pretty much anything can pleasure your partner." She smirked at him. "I did give you some suggestions last time."
"Y-yeah," he muttered, wishing he could forget the embarrassment of their last meeting. "I guess I'm just … worried," he sighed. "How do I build up to a moment like that? We've had plenty of opportunities, but—"
But, he always froze up. He hesitated. He pulled away. Whenever he did, Natsu always pulled back and changed where they were going. Instead of building up to more, he would cuddle up to Gray and avoid taking it further. Gray knew Natsu was just being courteous, but it was also frustrating. He wanted more, but it still worried him.
"Has Natsu-dear ever suggested something and you pulled away?"
He scoffed in frustration. "All the fucking time! Goddammit, I never thought I would say this, but … I wish he would just take control for once," he shouted. "I wish he would be just a little more reckless and—" His words cut off sharply.
"And force you?" she asked, eying him curiously. Gray did not seem like the masochistic type.
"I'm not like that," he quickly assured her. "Just … just once! If we could do it once, it wouldn't be so awkward the second time. But I always freeze up! How do I get over this?"
"Are you still nervous?"
"Not so much nervous, just … unsure of myself." He sighed and slouched down. "It's stupid."
"It's not stupid at all. It's something you've never done before. Of course you're going to be skeptical, and in your mind, it probably changes everything."
"Yeah, it would," he admitted, wondering how she guessed. "Just dating him and kissing him, that's one thing, but whenever it starts to get to more, it's like … like that's … that would be … as Cana put it, switching sides."
"I don't think it's switching sides as much as batting for both sides. There's nothing wrong with that."
"It still seems … final. Like once we cross some line, I'm bisexual for the rest of my life."
She reached over and patted his knee in comfort. "Gray-dear, it doesn't work that way. The act of copulation does not determine your sexuality, and withholding sex doesn't keep you from being one sexual orientation or another. Sexuality can be fluid. It's not like you grow up straight and that's all you are for the rest of your life, or if you try dick once, you're going to be gay for the rest of your life. A person's sexuality can change over time, based on hormones, experiences, and self-awareness."
"But … but they say you're born that way."
"Born what way, exactly?" she smiled pleasantly. "Born straight? Born gay? Born bisexual? If you discover that you've changed from one orientation to another, was that a choice, or was it simply that you were born unfixed, fluid?"
Gray furrowed his brow and glared down at his feet.
"I know how you feel, Gray-dear. You're not confused simply because you don't fit into a label society has doled out for those of us who don't fit into what others decided was the norm. Some people are wired to always be one sexuality, and that's fine. Some of us are not wired that way at all. We certainly are born this way, but we're born not stuck in a single category for the rest of our lives, that's all."
He glanced up at her warily. "We?"
She nodded and decided to tell him a little bit about her past, something she rarely did with any customer. "When I was a teen, I was very much interested in only boys. I truly was boy-crazy, and the idea of liking girls never once crossed my mind. I had lesbian friends, but I knew what I liked, and I liked boys. Then I met a girl, and she changed my world. For many years, it was like my hormones just flipped, and I was crazy over girls. I never wanted dick again! I truly did not even find men attractive. Then I felt myself changing again; I began to enjoy male and female companions. I'm certainly not confused about my sexuality," she chuckled. "Far from it! I knew precisely what I wanted at each point in my life. It wasn't even a conscious choice. I never said, 'Okay, from today onward, I'm only going to fuck girls.' My sexuality changed, that's all. Some people now tell me to pick a side, but dear, it doesn't work that way at all. I cannot simply pick a side any more than a straight person could pick a same-sex lover. And when I was a lesbian, I could not force myself to be sexually attracted to a man any more than my heterosexual self could find women attractive. Similarly, I can't stop myself from changing. I can't declare that I'll be bisexual for the rest of my life, and I can't consciously choose another orientation. I'm just not wired that way."
He looked at her uncertainly. "Are you sure?"
She smiled, liking that he was asking with such pure trust in her. "Believe me on this one, dear."
"Still! It's … weird. I liked girls all my life, but then … just so suddenly!"
"Is it weird because it's him?"
Seriously, she nailed it again. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Because he's your friend, or because he's your rival?"
He laughed, realizing she had not picked what some might think was the obvious choice: because he's a guy! "I guess because he's a rival. Around him, part of me thinks of everything as a bit of a competition. Hell, not that long ago when we were holding hands, we ended up wrestling because we were gripping each other's hands hander and trying to out-squeeze each other."
She laughed as she imagined that. "Yet when it comes to love and intimacy, you said you hope he takes the lead."
"Only the first time!" he insisted. "Only once. Like hell will I let that flame-brain lead me around all the time."
She leaned back in her chair. "Well, you're the only one who can decide when the best time will be. You should only do it when you really, truly want it."
"I … do … maybe … I don't know," he sighed with a buildup of anxiety. "If I'm in the moment, I want it. Hell, there are moments when I want … everything! The problem is finding that moment and not freaking the hell out."
"Maybe you need to make a moment that's just for you, a moment of your choosing. Decide ahead of time that you won't pull away. If you start to pull away and then force yourself, he would notice that."
"Nah, this is Natsu. I doubt he's that attentive."
"Oh trust me, he would," she said, nodding her raven hair.
Gray arched an eyebrow. "How do you know?"
She chuckled and smiled amiable. "Because I know how he is."
"Right. Because you're a freak of nature who can read hearts."
"I'll take that as a compliment," she smirked. "He would notice if you started to pull away and then forced yourself. Natsu-dear is the type who would worry over that and take it as meaning you don't want it at all. So instead of forcing yourself once you're in the moment, decide ahead of time, whatever happens this day, you're going to let it happen, up to the point that you're comfortable." She raised a finger. "Never push yourself past your own comfort levels. Whatever your personal boundaries are, don't exceed them just to please him."
Gray sputtered out a frustrated sigh. "I don't even know what my boundaries are. They're so … uneven."
She cocked her head to the side. "Uneven?"
"Like, I might be okay with him giving me a blow job, but I'm not sure if I could give the same back. I might be okay with being the aggressive one while making out, but as soon as he touches me in the same way, I freak out. Or then sometimes I want him to touch me—damn, I want him to!—but I don't feel comfortable touching him back. That makes me pull away when he tries to touch me, because I feel it should be equal. Otherwise, it's not fair."
"Poor Gray-dear," she sighed. "Your feelings of rivalry clash with your desire to be equals. But you know, you don't always have to be perfectly equal all the time. Take each moment together for what it is just then, not what it may rack up to be in the future. I doubt he will keep tallies on how many times you've stroked him versus how many blow jobs he's given you. Do what is comfortable that particular day, and just because something is okay one day, that doesn't mean it'll be okay every day. No relationship works like that, not even between men and women, right? A girl may say it's okay to touch her boobs one day, but then ask you not to touch there later that week. You wouldn't force her, saying she let you in the past, would you?"
"Hell no! That's despicable," Gray protested.
"So why should it be different between you and Natsu-dear?"
He knew it shouldn't be. It made so much more sense hearing it from her.
"Once you two reach a point that you truly don't want, tell him to stop. Natsu is a little immature and silly at times, but he would definitely stop if you told him to, and he would never push you against your will with something as petty as saying you allowed him to do it last time. Don't push yourself past what you want to do, but don't stop yourself just because you know you're not always in the mood for that action. When you two come upon something you're truly not comfortable doing, make sure you tell Natsu-dear that this is a boundary. He'll know where to avoid going in the future."
Gray glared with a streak of jealousy. "Is that something you taught him: how to respect boundaries?"
"It's something anyone with a shred of love toward their partner should do anyway," she answered, "but yes, I did tell him to be respectful of hard limits. He'll respect your boundaries, but first he needs to know what they are. If you constantly avoid an action, he'll think you don't ever want it at all. Allow yourself to take pleasure in what you both want on any given day. You're used to missions. See this as a mission, seeking what you want out of this relationship. You won't have the same mission all the time, and similarly, you won't want the same pleasure every time. If you don't want a sexual relationship, Natsu-dear needs to know. If you do, don't dive into that until you're ready for it. If you want more, make it a quest, to see how much more, how far is far enough, but realize things can change day by day. Sex is not the reward of this mission, Gray-dear. Love is the reward, and love does not necessarily mean having sex."
"You're right," he admitted. "And like I said, I wouldn't mind sex, just … I want to build up to that, eventually. Maybe…" He smiled to himself. "Maybe we could take a mission together, something that can last a few days."
She laughed at how similar he sounded to Natsu, not even an hour ago. "That sounds like a wonderful idea."
"Yeah. A mission. Somewhere with just the two of us, where we could sleep togeth- … uh…" Gray's face immediately turned bright red. "I-it's not what you think! We just … we were in the same bed, sharing blankets, it was a mission, the whole team was with us, and…"
Rei-chan laughed at his frantic explanations.
"What?" he shouted in mortification.
"Oh, nothing," she said, waving it off. No wonder these two hit it off so well. For being fire and ice, they were so much alike. "Try a mission that involves camping. That's always really romantic. Sitting under the stars, cuddling by the campfire, maybe sharing a tent," she said with a wink.
"Camping? Y-yeah." Gray's face lit up. "We could go camping together. Maybe a mission that involves camping out for a couple of nights. That'd be nice."
"Sounds wonderful," she said with encouragement. "You'll have to tell me about it later."
"Oh!" He glanced around at where he was. Although this back area looked normal enough, if Natsu knew he was coming here, it could be troublesome. "Uh, I shouldn't come here too often."
"Oh please!" she said, waving off his awkwardness. "I could meet you in town. It's not a problem, not like you live halfway across Fiore."
"Yeah, but I'm not even a customer of yours."
She slid a finger up his thigh, and in a low, sensual voice she said, "You were once."
Gray turned bright red, jolted his leg away, stuttered aimlessly, and then looked aside in shame. "That was different."
She leaned back, smug to get that sort of reaction. "You and Natsu-dear are both different. That's what makes you special. Seek me out when you want and tell me all about it."
He glanced over suspiciously. "Are you sure you want to hear? You have a crush on him, after all."
"Maybe that's why I want to know all the juicy details," she smiled shrewdly. "Vicarious living."
Gray pulled back. "Now I'm not so sure I want to tell you anything at all."
She tittered and waved it off. "I'm just kidding. Well, take it easy, and watch out for him. I do worry about his heart."
"Yeah, you and me both!" he muttered. Gray rose and straightened out his clothes, proud that he had not stripped a single thing off the whole time. "Thanks for taking time out of your day for me. It's probably annoying, listening about two awkward guys like us."
"Not really. It's entertaining, and I do love to be entertained," she purred. She stood and walked him to a back door that led behind the club's building. If he walked down a certain path, no one would ever know he had been to the Pussy Palace. She waved as he stepped out into the October colors. "Have fun on your camping trip."
"Y-yeah, thanks."
"Bye-bye!" She waved as he left along the secret path. Once he was out of sight, Rei-chan sighed to herself. "I'm truly glad they're doing well," she muttered, and shut the door to her private room.

Next Chapter: "Amongst the Towering Stacks"
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Life After Near Death