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Fifty Days	By : sashocirrione Category: Death Note > Het-Male/Female > L/Misa Views: 2868 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 40
- 41
- 42
CHAPTER 41: Operation
Exactly twenty-five days after Mikami's death, Watari appeared at the facility where L was living. L had been on edge, worked up from expecting Watari a day or two sooner, but the sight of Watari on the surveillance video was a comfort the instant L saw it. His head snapped up, and he felt more alert, relief washing through him.
L knew Watari wouldn't have directions to exactly where he was. Nobody did. Watari had obviously figured out the correct building simply from publicly-available knowledge of where Misa was staying. L's set of rooms, in the sub-basement, wasn't even on the building's blueprints.
L ran to his private elevator, which took him up to the same level as the fourth floor and then stopped, hitching itself to one of the regular elevators that was empty so L could open a secret door and crawl through a passage from one to another.
Once in a normal elevator, L typed in a code that would turn off the surveillance cameras in the reception area and lobby, disguised as a static-filled malfunction if anyone took the time to notice. Then that elevator descended to the first floor, stopping once on the way down to collect a nurse and two cooks, and then L spilled out along with the others.
Rem was still nowhere in sight. For that much, L was thankful.
The employees brushed past L with impatient noises as he stopped just a couple of steps outside the elevator. None of them knew how important he was, that he was actually their employer, or that he lived in a secret floor below the basement.
Watari turned then, and his smile made it feel as if all the intervening time hadn't happened. Watari was back. Everything was normal, somehow, despite how strange things were.
L felt almost giddy and very slightly insane as he ran to Watari and wrapped him in a hug, loudly saying "Grandfather!" for the sake of the receptionist, but using the closeness of the hug to whisper in Watari's ear, "They know me as Hideki Ryuga here. Follow quickly so we can talk without Rem."
Watari broke the hug and said, "How are you these days?" as L led him back to the elevator, pushing through the people already in the elevator so that they could have a corner in the back to themselves.
As the doors closed on them, L said, "I am fine."
Watari said very little, just standard small talk, as they waited for the elevator to empty of everyone except themselves. As soon as it did so, L showed Watari the codes to type in to arrange the hitch-up with the fourth-floor switch to get on the secret elevator, and also how to restore the lobby and reception cameras to normal.
L didn't stop being tense until the secret elevator opened on his own floor. Then he let out a big sigh and, walking forward, threw himself on a couch. Watari settled into a chair directly across from him.
It was a large room with bright lights and a color scheme of yellows, creams and gold to make up for the complete lack of sunlight. There were lots of computers gathered at one end, and many upholstered chairs, low tables, and couches. It was where L spent most of his time, and was rather messy with candy wrappers, crumb-covered plates, and half-drunk cups of tea on most of the tables.
Now that Watari had arrived, L felt happier but very, very tired, almost too exhausted to get his thoughts together.
Watari started for him by clearing his throat and then saying, "I presume this is a secure area?"
"Secure until Rem comes through a wall. If we talk softly in the center of the room, she won't hear us unless we see her. It is likely she won't be looking for me for at least an hour. She is not too dangerous, though. Not at the moment. If she does come, switch to neutral topics until she leaves again."
L was so tired. He felt stretched beyond his limit, with no energy left in his body. He slumped further on the couch, almost in a laying down position, curled up and supporting his weight on an elbow.
Watari said, "And Rem is forcing you to live here?"
L had opened his mouth to answer when Jojo's yowl came echoing down a hallway that opened onto this main room, followed by the noise of his pounding feet. It sounded heavy and large, more like a dog than a cat.
Watari looked genuinely surprised as Jojo ran into view around a turn in the hallway, stopping at the doorway and staring, craning his neck, his ears thrust forward, wavering, his whiskers quivering.
Watari turned back towards L and said, "You have a cat?"
"Yes. Mikami forced me to let him kill William Potts. This was his cat, Jojo."
"Is it wise to keep the cat?"
"It is probably not the best thing for my mental health, but unfortunately Jojo has a surly temperament, and I cannot believe that he could find a loving home elsewhere. I owe it to William."
Jojo suddenly ran towards Watari and stopped nearby, looking upward and letting out a plaintive meow.
L said, "Don't touch him unless you have cheese, he-"
But Watari was already reaching out and in a flash Jojo was swinging his mouth up, bared and ready to bite. In a movement almost too fast to follow, Watari suddenly had Jojo immobilized, firmly holding two hands-full of bunched-up skin along the centerline of Jojo's back and along the back of his neck.
Jojo let out a dangerous-sounding moaning growl as he twisted furiously inside his own skin, but he couldn't reach far enough to bite or scratch. He yowled, puffed up, became a flurry of claws, and hissed like a demon. Jojo stared at Watari and Watari stared back.
Jojo looked away first, and in that moment Watari let go. Instantly, Jojo was an orange streak across the floor, disappearing under one of the couches.
L said, "I was going to say, he usually bites unless you have cheese."
L rubbed his eyes. He didn't want to start, but he did want to get it over with. Hopefully, before Rem interrupted, just in case anything came out that might be important to conceal from her.
L slumped all the way onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he began talking, trusting Watari to keep a lookout for Rem. He started narrating events from exactly when Watari had last seen him in the helicopter, continued through the days of living in a deception with Mikami and then hiding among the homeless, and ended with a description of Rem's demands after that, and of how he had complied with them.
Rem had insisted on keeping him where she could monitor his activities, so he'd bought and renovated the building they were in, creating secure living quarters for himself in the sub-basement, while all the other floors were a combination psychiatric hospital and clinic. It was a live-in facility for pregnant women with mental or physical problems requiring extended treatment. Misa had all these qualities, with her need for physical therapy, language therapy and her continuing threats of suicide. She hadn't stopped when Mikami died, though she hadn't actually done anything either.
The facility met all of Misa's needs and all of Rem's demands, even including a group of peers that had the potential to become the basis for a true social support network for Misa, a group of female friends in similar circumstances for her to lean on. Misa had the best that money could buy in terms of doctors, psychiatrists and therapists. She had plenty of opportunities to heal and build self-esteem. Rem would not be able to say that Misa lacked anything.
Unfortunately, L found himself restricted in further ways. Rem insisted that he should eat one meal a day in Misa's company, and that he could not go on any trips outside Rem's range, no matter how short. If he wanted to go anywhere, he had to bring Misa with him.
L stopped talking and looked over to see Watari's frown.
L said, "Oh, and I also got a vasectomy. I don't want to fear that this could ever happen again."
After a momentary pause, Watari said, "I believe you could defy Rem in these matters of your living quarters with almost no danger of her killing in retaliation. Misa may be getting everything she needs, but your needs are far from being met. If you're not careful, you'll drive yourself into an early grave from stress."
L said, "Your concern is appreciated, Watari, but this situation is already a compromise. Rem wanted me to eat three meals a day with Misa and live in a room next to her room. And she wanted me to agree to imprison you when you returned, but I argued until Rem said that you would be allowed to come and go as you please. Rem can't kill anyone to save Misa's life, but she can still kill for spite. As long as I'm alive, I'm probably the greatest threat to Misa's life and thus Rem's, but others do not have that protection. Rem can kill to manipulate me into ensuring Misa's happiness."
"You have reason to fear she will do so?"
"Rem killed a receptionist when I stopped eating meals with Misa for five days. Misa is very angry with Rem about it, but Rem refuses to apologize or to promise that it will never happen again. Rem has a fantasy that I will fall in love with Misa if I'm forced to spend time with her, and then in the end we'll be a happy family."
L's voice broke and he felt a wave of shame wash over him. He was drowning in it, chocking on it, his face burning. He turned his head, hiding his face partly against the couch cushions and partly in the crook of his arm. He felt like a murderer all over again.
L said, "Misa has agreed to go on trial, as soon as Rem will promise not to kill me or anyone else afterwards. The only obstacle is that Rem disagrees. I've been arguing with Rem every day, and I think I will eventually convince her."
Watari said, "L, you are not good at convincing anyone of subjective truths, you are only good at proving specific deductions using logic. You are not suited to this. Let me take over the task of these arguments with Rem."
L replied, "It is possible Rem could kill you."
"What does it matter if she does? I'm sure I do not have many years left in any case."
"It would devastate me."
There was a silence, and a few moments later L heard the sound of Watari's chair scooting closer across the carpet and then felt Watari's hand on his shoulder. He sniffled into his elbow, feeling stupid and too old to gain such simplistic comfort from a fatherly hand on his shoulder, when he was about to become a father himself.
But still, that hand felt very good, a steadying anchor in the mass of chaos his life had become.
L said, "I have told Misa there is no need to threaten suicide, but she continues. It is possible that she fears Mikami might have an additional accomplice still alive and monitoring the situation, to see if we do indeed keep our word to Mikami by faking Misa's suicide and then later starting up the murders again."
"What is your evaluation?"
"I am certain there will be no more surprises from Mikami. He was too obsessed with control to be willing to let another person make such an important decision for him. He cannot have any living accomplices. It would be entirely contrary to his personality."
Watari said, "Then we are done. There will never be another Kira."
"There is only Misa to attend to."
Watari sighed heavily. L pulled his face far enough out of the crook of his arm to look up at Watari's face. The hand was still a reassuring presence on his shoulder, but L could tell, could simply sense, that Watari was about to say something unpleasant.
Watari cleared his throat and then said, "I did not think I would ever tell you to walk away from a case, but this is a special situation. There are too many damaging personal entanglements here. Please evaluate whether you are driven by revenge instead of a legitimate purpose before deciding whether to continue. Revenge can destroy a person. It may be easier to convince Rem to let you go than to convince her to let you put Misa on trial, and perhaps escape would be the better goal."
L said, "That is, essentially, what Rem says to me. That my continued pursuit of Misa's trial is meaningless revenge, and that it would not serve any constructive purpose whatsoever."
Watari gripped L's shoulder harder and said, "I somewhat concur. Misa's trial would do you no good, and it could easily land you in prison or worse. Additionally, it could draw attention from unsavory elements that might want to steal the notebooks."
"Do you believe I love her?"
"No."
"Good. I will consider changing my mind about the trial. Where are the notebooks and how are things with everyone else?"
L pushed himself upward, sitting up fully on the couch, clutching his legs to him, angling his body to keep a good view of the room for Rem's possible return. Now would be the time any critical secrets might have to be discussed, and it was best to have two alert watchers.
Watari said, "Roger was surprised you didn't contact him yesterday through any of the usual channels so-"
L muttered, "Roger is an idiot if he didn't think that the usual channels might have been permanently compromised and worth avoiding."
Watari continued with, "So I came here in person after helping Roger arrange things at Wammy's House. Everyone has returned except for Matt. The vast majority of the children think it was merely a training exercise in how to go into hiding, one they are being graded on."
L said, "And the notebooks and Matt?"
"I've had direct contact with him. He received your message and understood that Mikami was to commit suicide, so he waited until receiving confirmation of it through the media. At that point he was afraid to burn Mikami's notebook in case Rem might decide to kill unless it was returned, and he did not want to leave it ownerless in case Ryuk decided to try giving it to another person, so he touched it and is now the owner."
That idiot. I expected a little better of him. He should have burned it even if he thought Rem might threaten myself or others.
L said, "That explains Ryuk's absence. Is Matt supplying Ryuk with plenty of apples?"
"Yes," Watari said, "Matt does not want to risk provoking a god of death. I am not sure precisely where Matt is at the moment, as he is still being cautious and refuses to say, but he says both notebooks are fully secure and he can burn one or both at your orders."
"We'll have him burn Mikami's notebook only. Misa needs her memories if she is ever to be put on trial, and I am not sure if I want to set Rem loose yet. She could possibly go to the shinigami realm or elsewhere and create some kind of trouble."
Watari said, "Matt has ingested a piece, to test whether that will let him retain his memories after the notebook itself is burned. He has also made a number of video diaries for himself, placing them on his laptop under heavy encryption, so that he will be able to educate himself about the missing pieces of his memory."
"That is very intelligent. I wonder if it will work? Or if it will have any unusual side effects? Make sure Matt takes precautions so that Misa's notebook is not lost if his memories are disrupted."
L suddenly had an urge to start training his top four successors immediately, to begin testing them on real cases as he'd discussed with Matt. But it couldn't begin yet. So far, the successors were entirely hidden from Rem. Rem would likely notice any contact extensive enough for training purposes, even if it happened anonymously through a computer, and she might demand to be shown photos of any detectives who would work cases with L. It wasn't an insurmountable problem. Rem could be tricked. But it was a big risk to take and not worth it.
Watari said, "What is the plan for the time being?"
"No action can be taken yet. I will continue living here the same way as I have. I need to wait another month before bringing Eraldo Coil or Deneuve out of retirement. Then I will work cases from this place as my headquarters."
L paused, looking at Watari, and then said, "I know there is almost nothing for you to do here until my cases start again, but, would you..."
"I will stay."
"Thank you."
L stood up from his couch and made his way to a nearby table, opening a drawer and bringing out a set of ultrasound pictures, the images grainy and gray and difficult to make visual sense of, but absolutely showing the reality, the undeniable reality of the impending situation. Two of the pictures even had a part of the image circled and "Boy" printed next to those circles.
He shoved the pictures into Watari's hands, feeling helpless and panicked, hoping that somehow Watari would say something that would make it better, that would make the world seem sane and normal again.
L said, "I am experiencing very difficult internal conflicts. I have no idea what to do when he arrives, I simply cannot think. I wish this had never happened. There are only three and a half months left. No, probably slightly less than that, as they will schedule the Cesarean before Misa's due date to avoid any risk of labor."
Watari looked through the pictures. At the end he handed them back to L and said, "I would not blame you in the slightest if you made no effort to be a father to this boy. The circumstances are exceptional. If Rem will let you go, you should consider caring for him only by providing nannies and financial resources."
L said, "I thought you would say something like that," and walked back to put the pictures away in the same drawer.
He closed the drawer with a feeling of slight relief. He couldn't bear to have the things sitting out in the open, where they might catch his eye at any time. He stood there for a few moments, feeling helpless, then returned to the same couch and curled up, nibbling at his thumb.
Watari said, "L, if you do not make escaping from Rem your main goal, then I am going to insist that you start some sort of treatment to deal with the stress."
L sighed, and then agreed.
It took nearly a week to decide what kind of treatment would be suitable.
L still hated the concept of going to a shrink, but he kept remembering the comforting feeling of Watari's hand on his shoulder. If he could be touched, if he could let himself be touched by people and become fine with it, train himself to relax in a physical way, then maybe everything would be easier.
He hired massage therapists. The very first massage was a disaster. He was only able to strip down to his jeans instead of going nude with a towel as he was supposed to, and he screamed when the massage therapist touched his neck, firing her on the spot.
The second massage lasted for twenty minutes before he started shaking and had to end it, though the therapist had only touched his shoulders and back, nothing else, just as he'd asked. He fired that one also, determined to start anew, but had enough pity to give her a large severance package.
Gradually, though, he got used to it. He fired the therapists less often, and, by the time it had been going on for two months, he was able to be touched in all the normal places with only slight queasy feelings from time to time. On occasions, he even got erections during his massages, and he was gratified at the way the massage therapists would professionally ignore such things, pretending to not even notice, as he stared at the ceiling and then usually asked to turn onto his stomach.
He could tell there were subtle changes in himself. The near-daily kneading of his shoulders and neck produced a slightly straighter posture, noticeable in the mirror. He was able to be a little less tense during meals with Misa and during his continued arguments with Rem. And, when he started taking on new cases as Eraldo Coil, he was always the freshest and most sharp-witted immediately after a massage session.
But then he began becoming tense again as the scheduled date of Misa's Cesarean section drew near. No matter how long his shoulders were worked on, they remained tense and knotted, and he became more of an insomniac than ever before, spending sleepless nights staring at walls and ceilings.
Before L was even slightly prepared, the actual day had arrived. He'd sent Watari away on an errand, and he'd told himself that he wasn't going to watch it. He didn't want to be there. Ryuk was back by that point in time, the notebook burned and Matt's memories destroyed with it, though Matt knew everything thanks to his video messages to himself.
L didn't want to watch the operation, but as the time approached all he could do was pace in his secret lair, aimlessly roaming up and down the hallways, glancing at every clock he saw. Ryuk followed him, bored and making remarks that didn't help in the slightest.
L couldn't do it. He couldn't stay away. He couldn't just hide in the basement while his son was brought into the world.
His son. It felt alien, wrong somehow, to even be able to think in those terms.
He entered the waiting room while they were still preparing for Misa's surgery. It was a fairly large waiting room with chairs, low tables and plenty of magazines. There was a series of big glass windows all along one wall giving views to the operating area, which was actually three semi-divided rooms, so that three women could be worked on at the same time, if necessary.
One chamber was empty, one was being prepared for Misa's operation, and in the third there was a woman already there, in the process of giving birth the normal way. A well-placed curtain and the bodies of the medical workers gathered around her blocked anything gory from sight, but she screamed from time to time and her face was covered with sweat. There were two men in the waiting room, watching her anxiously. From their ages L guessed they were a father-to-be and a grandfather.
L put himself in the furthest corner from the other men and tried to read a magazine while Ryuk hovered over him.
Ryuk said, "Hey, if you don't want the baby, then why are you here?"
L said nothing.
Ryuk drifted through the divider into the area where a woman was giving birth. As soon as he was behind the curtain he got a sour look on his face and immediately retreated through another wall. L was glad to see him gone. Hopefully he would go back to his apples, or better yet, the shinigami realm, and be away the rest of the day.
L was alerted to Misa's arrival by the sight of Rem's form, drifting ahead of Misa into the operating room. The other woman was just finishing giving birth as the doctors gathered around Misa and prepared everything. Misa's eyes looked empty, vacant. She wasn't being put under, though. They were doing the usual procedure, numbing her from approximately the chest down so they could cut her open. Misa would be awake the entire time.
It didn't seem like something that a person should be awake for, but a curtain was being set up to block Misa's own view of the procedure, so that should help. A bit.
The other baby was being carried out, crying, wrapped in a blanket. The supposed father and grandfather were gathering around it, taking it from the nurse, talking about names. It was just a murmuring in the background to L, like a radio that had been on so long that the words were no longer impinging on consciousness. His gaze was focused on the activity surrounding Misa, on Rem's worried form as she paced back and forth, walking directly through all those standing there, on the sharp metal instruments glistening on a tray on wheels next to the operating table, and on trying to catch the few words that were being spoken.
It would be fast, he knew. As soon as she was fully numb they would cut her open and extract the baby. It was a simple procedure. Sewing her back up would be the longest part.
He waited, his magazine dropped, his hands clutching his knees, trying to breathe, watching the oh-so-slow activity of the doctors. And then, when the cutting finally started, he couldn't even look in that direction and found his gaze fastened on the floor.
He knew, though, the moment the baby had been removed. He heard the loud cry and looked to see his son, covered in fluids, being lifted up and cleaned, having the placenta lifted up after him and the cord connecting the two cut.
And then the baby was being carried out of that chamber, through the door, in the arms of a nurse who was approaching L. The blanket he was wrapped in was blue and looked extremely soft, and he cried constantly. His skin was very red.
L told himself that all this was normal, though something inside him was going into an insane panic at the crying and was thinking that no baby should be so red. He knew it was normal, though. There were no signs of anything wrong.
The nurse was then telling him to put his feet on the floor, showing him how to hold the baby. The neck was fragile, unable to hold the head, and needed to be supported. L tried to tune out the crying and dropped his feet to rest on the floor, an unnatural-feeling position, so that he could hold his son.
And then the nurse was handing the warm, wriggly bundle into his arms and L had him. L was looking at the big eyes, as they were alternating between opening and being squeezed tightly closed, as his son continued to prove that he had very healthy vocal cords. There were still a few smears of fluid on him from the inside of Misa's body. His fingers were absurdly tiny, clenching and unclenching into little fists.
He was so very red. But that would doubtless clear up in a day, after he had been exposed to air for long enough.
When L looked down at that face, he felt terrified of doing a bad job, of not being an adequate father, and it was somehow the strongest fear he'd ever experienced in his life. And yet, it wasn't just the idea of doing a terrible parenting job that scared him. The entire concept of a son was frightening.
L also felt immensely possessive. This was his son, his, and he was somehow spinning a fantasy of simply leaving with him, defying Rem, never returning. There was a fair chance that action wouldn't result in death. There would be ways to leave and then become unfindable, free, with Rem and Misa never having a say in the baby's life, with Misa's relatives never having any claim to him.
It was a very tempting fantasy and there were a number of ways to pull it off.
Rem was approaching, hovering over L. L ignored her, refusing to look at her.
The nurse said, "Mr. Ryuga, have you decided on a name? We need it for the birth certificate soon."
L knew what he would like to choose for a name. Perry, after Perry Mason.
He'd read the entire series of 83 novels at age five. Hoping for more, he'd been immensely disappointed to discover that the author had died a few years before his birth. Two new novels sanctioned by the author's estate had come out later, and of course there was the TV series, but it wasn't the same.
And then when he'd started re-reading the series at age eleven, he'd realized the books were rather formulaic, yet that realization hadn't dispelled his fondness. No, Perry Mason still occupied a soft spot in his heart, despite learning that the character wasn't as perfect as he'd once thought.
The part of him that was cautious didn't want to give his son such an obvious name, the name of a famous investigator. Perry was technically a lawyer, but he did as much investigation as any detective, and the name could potentially cause trouble if anyone tried searching for "L" and that person pursued any leads relating to Misa Amane. Though that was probably being paranoid.
And then there was another part of L that doubted whether he'd be able to truly think of his son as "Perry" after having such a long emotional entanglement with a fictional character of the same name.
In compromise, he said, "Percy."
The nurse replied, "Percy Ryuga. Any middle name?"
A middle name? That was an extra complication, and not strictly required on an international, dual-citizenship birth certificate such as this.
L said, "No. Just 'Percy Ryuga' is fine."
He clutched Percy, hoping he would stop crying. L felt awful inside, as if an instinct were punishing him for every moment his son cried.
Rem was too close. He wanted Percy to be far away from Rem forever.
L said, "Shh! Shush."
The crying continued. Was he holding him too tightly? Too loosely? Did he need milk? Was he cold?
L wanted to hand Percy back to the nurse, to send him to the nursery where all the other new arrivals were kept and there were plenty of competent workers who knew everything about how to care for babies. But something in him didn't want to let go yet. The possessive instinct was almost entirely overwhelming.
L studied the details of Percy's features, the places where the skin gathered, wrinkled and loose at his elbows and neck, the few wisps of black hair on his head, his toothless gums, his very dark brown eyes. Percy looked strange, the various parts of his body not seeming to match the other parts well. But that was what newborns were like. They didn't look nice until at least a few days after birth.
Then Percy turned his head to the side and L was suddenly noticing something about the ear being exposed clearly to his view. He knew almost instantly. It was her ear, exactly like Misa's except in miniature.
L felt sick. He wanted to vomit, and then he wanted to be very far away from Percy. He still felt possessive, though. He wanted him and didn't want him. L desired complete abandonment, and also wanted to run away with Percy, raising him in secret.
There were shouts from the operation room.
Rem said, "No!"
L looked up, and saw Misa's arm, seeming very tiny, pale and thin. It was raised high and being clutched by several medical workers. The arm was shifting back and forth, struggling, holding a shiny scalpel. In a few moments they had forced the scalpel out of her hand and also pushed the wheeled tray of other sharp instruments out of her reach.
Misa said, "I want to die! Let me!"
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Fifty Days