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Pleasure Slave	By : Capitalist Category: +. to F > Card Captor Sakura Views: 84321 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 43
- 44
- 45
Chapter 44
‘choice’

For an age Yue simply stared, dumbstruck and unmoving. Clow’s lips quirked up at the corners in his habitual expression, blue eyes glinting with amusement, looking – like he always did – as if he were on the verge of laughing out loud.
“Come now, Yue, how many times have I asked you not to kneel before me? I thought we’d left those senseless rites behind years ago.” Again he gestured forward with his hand and Yue placed his in it, more out of the habit of automatic obedience than anything else. Stiffly he stood and allowed Clow to lead him out of the cage.
“Clow…”
“Yes, my love?”
“It cannot be.”
“I assure you it can. Dreams are only a crossroads between worlds, and in them all the possibilities of the universe lurk. I should have thought you’d learned that better than anyone by now.” He squeezed Yue’s chin playfully and turned aside, and Yue’s eyes fell to the window. It should not have been possible to see the clearing from this vantage point, but he could, and unsuccessfully he looked for a black stag under the trees. The forest, however, was still and silent under the night sky.
By the time he turned around, Clow was several steps away, walking at a leisurely pace.
“Clow?”
“Come along, Yue, we don’t have much time. You mustn’t dawdle.”
“Wait!” With long, quick strides Yue closed the distance between them and circled around to block Clow’s path. “Why have you come? After all this time? Is it because…” Yue’s voice faltered. “Have I failed you? Are you angry with me?”
Clow looked curious. “Why would I be angry with you?”
“What happened tonight, I- I have no excuse. I beg for your forgiveness, though I know I do not deserve it.”   He collapsed into a heap at Clow’s feet, prostrating himself, and waited for his scolding.
A patient sigh was what came instead. “My dearest Yue, sometimes I wonder if you don’t see how much more strict and demanding you are upon yourself than I ever was. What have you done that is so terrible?”
“The Void,” Yue whispered. “It almost killed me tonight, and had its chance because I foolishly flew down into its stronghold. I risked myself and the safety of the valley.”
“Why?”
“It took To- it took my slave. I flew to save him without thinking, it was stupid and dangerous and -”
“Brave and devoted of you. Naturally you could not let the boy die down in that horrible place, just for the crime of carrying your scent.”
“But Keroberos said -”
“Never mind what Keroberos said. Your brother was only scared for you, though I am sure he would rather forfeit a year’s desserts than admit it. In truth, nothing could have made me happier than to know that you would risk your life to rescue a human from the jaws of the Void. What a long way you’ve come, Yue.” Fondly Clow ruffled his hair, then Yue felt the hand slip away as its owner turned to walk past him. “I wish I could take the credit.”
“What do you mean, master?” Yue scrambled to his feet to follow Clow, not bothering to wonder where they were going. “You have always been my guide and teacher. Everything that I do is a result of your training.”
“Perhaps once, but not anymore. Our universe has undergone a few changes, hasn’t it? A new gravitational pull beckons for my favorite moon child, a new influence making itself felt. I am no longer the only man in your heart.”
“No, master, that isn’t true!” Again Yue threw himself in Clow’s path, hands clasping the lapels of his robe. “Please believe me when I tell you I feel nothing for my slave, he could never compare to what we shared. I swore to love only you, and to love you forever.”
Clow laughed. “Methinks my lover doth protest too much.” He pressed a gentle finger against Yue’s lips, preventing the kiss he must have known Yue would try to give. “Yue, Yue, Yue. Please believe me that your loyalty warms my heart, and if I were a little more selfish it would make me happy indeed. But when you say ‘forever’, you of all beings mean it literally. It’s a long lifetime to endure in loneliness.”
“I will remain faithful to you always,” Yue insisted. “You are my creator. I could never betray you.”
“Even at the cost of your own happiness? My love, consider the situation reversed. If it was I that was left behind instead, what would you want for me?”
Yue stared up at Clow blankly. “You would never betray me, master.”
Another sigh. “Ask a stupid question, I suppose. Come Yue, we’re wasting time.” He pried Yue’s hands off his robe, dropping a quick kiss on each, and started walking again.
“Where are we going?”
“To watch the sun rise, I hope.”
Yue cast a quizzical glance at the wall of crystal clear glass beside them, and the night shrouded valley beyond it. “But you can see the sunrise from here.”
“It is not the best view, though, and when have you ever known me to settle for less than the best?” Suggestively he fondled a lock of Yue’s hair between his fingertips, and the familiar gleam in his eye made Yue’s heart race. “You will join me, won’t you?”
“Of course, master! You know I will do anything for you, if only commanded.”
The corners of Clow’s eyes crinkled slightly. “Yes, I know. Often I wonder how you can forgive me for it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, nothing.” With a swish of his robe he stepped onto the stairs, one hand held out for Yue. “Nothing at all.”

Soft music flowed around them, filling the room, weaving a cozy haven in an otherwise cold and silent castle. Clow’s fingers moved up and down the keyboard with practiced ease, his eyes closed and smile relaxed. Mesmerized as always, Yue sat beside him on the bench and absorbed every note.
“Music still has strong a hold over you as ever, I see. I’m glad you haven’t lost your appreciation for its fine art.”
“Of course not, master.” Yue rubbed his cheek affectionately against Clow’s shoulder. “But weren’t you in a hurry to watch the sunrise?”
“Alas, dearest, a straight line is not always the fastest route to what you want. Besides, a little music will put us both at ease. Do you remember how it soothed the savage beast?”
“Are you talking about Keroberos?”
Clow chuckled. “No, to tame him I only needed large quantities of food. I am talking about you, my love. Don’t you remember how you once snarled and snapped at me?”
“Impossible,” Yue declared flatly, and Clow laughed again.
“I thought you’d say that. I do not blame you, for you’ve endured so much since your arrival in the world of humans. You’ve gone from being little more than a dangerous animal to a powerful, beautiful creature in full control of your magic and a formidable guardian of the valley. I could not be prouder.” Yue glowed with delight, but Clow was not finished. “And yet for all that you’ve grown, there is a part of you that holds back and refuses to mature. Deep down, you are still that petulant child sulking because you were denied your pet. It’s become rather obvious these past few months.”
He held up a hand, and obediently Yue shut his mouth. The melody under Clow’s right hand slowed, becoming contemplative in nature, and when he spoke again his voice was sad.
“And who is to blame? I am, of course.”
“No, mast -”
“Hush, Yue, I will not be interrupted. Your selfishness is hardly unexpected, I fear, for the one that you call your guide and teacher was a very selfish man indeed. I gave you no choice when I fashioned you from the moonlight and took you as my own. Perhaps if there had been someone in my life to tell me ‘no’, you would have never come into being. But even that I refuse to regret, because I love you too much to wish away your existence. You are a victim of my ego and my loneliness.”
“Clow, you mustn’t say that,” Yue protested. “I am no victim. I love you and cherished every moment I had with you.”
“Because I made you that way. I committed multiple sins in your creation, and it’s rather embarrassing that I did not even recognize them for so so many decades. I suppose I hid my eyes and pretended not to see, preferring your adoring touch to the shameful truth. It is no wonder that you walk in my footsteps, repeating my mistake, but with one very significant difference.”
Helplessly Yue watched Clow devote his attention to the music again, wanting to cover his ears and run but knowing he could not. Clow had commanded his companionship and Yue must give it; unthinkable to disobey.
“My capture was borne of the moon, destined to always be linked to another. Your capture is human, born with the love of liberty that is intrinsic to his race. Once you’d submitted to me, it was only natural that you live every day my eager slave, but his heart has always and will always yearn for freedom. There is no magic in the world that could alter it.”
“He renounced his freedom,” Yue protested, chest tightening uncomfortably. “He promised to be my slave forever, he told me that I had won. I conquered his spirit.”
“Indeed, but as you discovered quickly enough, his spirit was not really what you wanted. And it’s much more difficult to conquer his heart.”
The final notes trailed off and Clow lifted his hand to Yue’s face, stroking him lightly on the cheek. “And there lies my final sin. My darling Yue, you always had my love. Even before you were born you had it, unconditional and unwavering in its devotion. You never had to work to earn it, never had to give up anything for the sake of my happiness. I spoiled you, and not until the day of the stag did you learn there are some hearts not yours for the taking. Toya’s love will never be yours until you deserve it.”
His words stabbed Yue neatly in the heart, and the pain shocked Yue into knocking Clow’s hand away.
“Stop it! Please don’t speak of him again, Clow, I cannot bear it and- and…” Desperately he struggled to get control over himself, sliding off the bench so he could stand and turn away. “That is, I don’t want his love. Why would I? Your love is all that I ever wanted or needed. It is true that I enjoy the pleasures of his body, but the affection between us could never compare to the love you and I shared. That was true love.”
“Love, it was,” Clow agreed mildly. “For there was nothing I wouldn’t have done for you, and you the same for me. But would have is not the same as did. To set you free would have been meaningless, for I’d already created you to delight in bondage. There is nothing you could have given up for me. Is that ‘true’ love, Yue? Untested by hardship or the reality of conflicting wants?”
Yue was hugging his arms to his chest now, fighting the urge to curl up into a ball. “How can you speak like this, Clow? Does our love mean nothing to you after all? Am I nothing?”
“Shh, don’t even suggest it. Yue, you are my blazing triumph and love of my life. But I am wiser now than the day I created you, and death has done much to dissolve my selfish desires to own you forever.” His large hands rested on Yue’s shoulders, gentle and warm. “Now what I want is for you to be happy. I know your slave makes you so, and not just because of the ‘pleasures of his body’. You risked your life to rescue him from the Void. You did not even hesitate. And that’s not all that happened either, am I right?”
Clow always knew. No matter how hard Yue tried to keep secrets, in his youth, Clow had a way of seeing right through to the truth.
“The Void, it- it offered to let him go. In exchange for my surrender.”
“You saw another way out, and took it. But if there had been none, you would have been forced to decide. Your life, and perhaps the safety of the entire human population, or the life of your slave? I order you to be truthful, Yue. Would you have given the Void what it wanted?”
Yue trembled, but Clow had ordered. He could not disobey. “Yes.”
Clow’s hands fell away from his shoulders, triggering dread within. Was he angry? Sad? Betrayed?
“Yue -”
“I’m sorry!” Forgetting his master’s orders to accompany him, Yue burst out of the music room and ran. Glass and marble flew past in a blur, his shame goading him on ever faster, until he turned into a new hall and found himself facing Clow again. The wizard smiled when he saw how Yue checked so sharply.
“Still a child, sometimes. But Yue, you have no cause to be ashamed or afraid. I told you before, you have grown into a remarkable being. That you would give up your life for the boy’s is not just a sign of your humanity, but of what you feel for him. Only a sign, though, and a fleeting one at that. For it is really no hardship to die for another – that’s easy enough. It’s over in no time and you don’t have to live with the consequences. How much more difficult it is to make another kind of sacrifice and then live with it. A sacrifice such as giving your slave what he really wants.”
Yue’s throat closed up and he beat back the urge to run away again; Clow obviously had no intention of allowing him to escape. Now his mentor was stepping in a wide circle around him, his soft footfalls echoing in the grand pilloried hall.
“I won’t.”
“But if you did. If you gave up what you wanted most for the sake of his happiness, even if it broke your heart, that would be true love. And just supposing that he gave up what he wanted most in return, for your happiness? It could be the truest love that ever was, a love that put yours and mine to shame. A love so pure that even the Void itself could not swallow it. Do you have the courage to try, Yue?”
“No.” Yue hated the way the word sounded, rolling about in this vast space, and kept his eyes fiercely trained on the nearest window. “You tell me I should release him for the sake of true love, but I do not love him, and my slave he will remain. You said yourself that he does make me happy, and I won’t deny it. I’ve done so much for him. Don’t I at least deserve to keep one boy for as long as I wish?”
“My love, as far as I am concerned you deserve whatever your heart desires. But there is a reason I told you no on that day of the stag, and there is a reason I’m here speaking to you now. Your urge to possess and his urge to be free have settled into an uneasy truce, that’s all, and it’s too unstable to last forever. As long as you keep him against his will, he is destined to hate you.”
Yue swallowed. “I don’t care. Even if he does, he will still be mine.”
“Have you even considered the possibility that, just maybe, he would stay with you if you gave him the choice?”
His heart fluttered at the thought of it, but Yue would not let himself be led on by impossible daydreams. His voice was bitter and strained when he spoke. “He would never do that. His sister will always come first, for him, and then after his precious freedom. I am only, after all, the monster that captured and enslaved him. Given a choice he would have nothing to do with me. I destroyed his life.”
“So he said too,” Clow murmured, looking amused in spite of Yue’s obvious pain. “But I think you both underestimate his feelings for you. And Yue, I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to my beloved creation as a monster. What you did was not so terrible.”
“But I took everything from him!”
“Hush.” Clow pressed his fingertips to Yue’s lips for silence, suddenly very close with no warning. It felt strange tilting his head up to face his towering master; Touya was exactly Yue’s height and he’d become accustomed to looking him directly in the eye. “My love, my pride. You should know that I’ve never made anything that causes only harm in this world.”
“But what about -”
“Anything,” Clow repeated firmly. His touch slipped away as he turned from Yue, contemplating their surroundings. “But it is true that I do not know what he would choose. His heart is closely guarded and a thorny nest of conflict; I cannot foresee what he himself doesn’t even know. Maybe he would stay, maybe he would go. You, however, are rapidly running out of time to make any decision at all. Below you the Void lurks, rebuilding its strength, ready to snatch away your precious slave at the first opportunity. And a course set in motion by my young descendent, of all people, is coming to a crisis that will force you to act. The story that began right here in this hall, all those months ago when you first saw him, is coming to an end. No one can stop it. All you can do is prepare for what will come next.”
“And what is that?” Yue asked, his throat paper dry.
“Who knows? Ah, the dawn approaches. Come, Yue, no more time to linger.” He beckoned, and the weary Yue obeyed.

“I wish I had never met him.”
The resentful statement surprised Yue, on the winding stair that led to Clow’s room, but apparently not Clow. His smile was patient and understanding.
“Why is that?”
“It’s too difficult, master. He is too difficult. Since the day we met I have agonized over him, wept for him, been betrayed by him. He’s hurt me more often than I can count.”
“But don’t you have good memories of him as well? Think of the day you went for a walk in the forest. Or the piano? Perhaps the piano bench?”
Yue flushed and looked away from his grinning master. “Yes we had our good times. But the uncertainty of never knowing whether he will make my heart ache or sing is too hard a strain. Now you tell me that it will all be for nothing, that I am going to lose him anyway. If I had never purchased his sister, never laid eyes on him as he fought to rescue her, my life would be peaceful.”
“And lonely.”
“That would seem to be my curse,” Yue remarked bitterly. They reached Clow’s room at the top and Yue pulled his hand from his master’s, the pain suddenly as fresh as it was two hundred years ago. “Why did you have to die, Clow? How could you leave me alone? For two centuries I slept in an empty bed and cried for your loss, without even the promise of mortality to end my grief. It’s your fault I had to seek solace in pleasure slaves, your fault that I was so desperately lonely I would let a boy like Toya in my heart. It’s all your fault!”
Clow, for once, lost his smile. “And at last you can see that. A promising sign.”
“Do not speak in your riddles! Why did you die and leave me?”
“You know I had no choice, Yue. All humans must die.”
“And must they all keep it a secret from even their lovers?” Yue cried. “You were so cruel. How could you not even warn me, knowing what little time we had left?”
“You were already so unhappy. I could not bring myself to tell you what was in store, adding to your misery.”
“It isn’t fair!” Yue brought his fists down on Clow’s chest, but even his terrible strength did not even make Clow twitch. “Look at how I’ve suffered! Look at what I’ve gone through! All because of him. Life with you was easy and gentle, but he is so difficult. It’s… complicated! And it hurts so much! I’m tired of it, Clow, I just want you back.” Yue could feel himself shaking, and hot pressure building behind his eyes. “I miss our old life. I just want you to come back and love me like you always have.”
He collapsed against his master in tears, helpless to stop them. He was tired of crying, he’d cried more in the past two months than he had in two hundred years, and if only Clow could come back then he would never have to cry again. For ages he wept into Clow’s robe, only dimly aware of the strong arms around him and the gentle shushing noises of a master whose heart ached for his sad slave.
“Yue, my love,” he sighed, when the sobs had dwindled away, “you know that it cannot happen. For all my magic, for all my power, even with the ability to create life itself, I have no way to escape death. And even if I could, I would not. I told you that you have grown since my death, become a better man with your second special person than with your first. Though it breaks my heart, I have let you go. Can’t you do the same?”
“But I love you!”
“And I love you. But I will never again have the power to return to you, like this, it’s time for me to leave this world forever. For me it is the end. For you it is a time to say goodbye and start your life anew. There’s no need to chain yourself to a ghost.”
“I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“The pain will be much less once you have, I promise. And you can take comfort that, even though I’m gone, I will never stop loving you for as long as the sun and moon shine in the sky.”
“Please…” Yue tipped forward, using his grip on Clow’s robe to pull himself closer to the other’s lips. Clow craned his head back, at first, then relented with a sigh.
“Very well. A final kiss for my beloved.”
Hands cradling his face, Clow closed the distance between them. And he kissed Yue, with all the passion and unyielding force that Yue remembered, the kiss that had so often taken his breath and ability to stand. Clow always took control, set the pace, and gladly Yue let himself be swept away. His master’s kiss was a taste of heaven on earth.
Gradually, reluctantly, those firm lips pulled away from his, leaving him dizzy and hungry for more. As if from another world, he heard the quiet hitch in someone’s breath.
Hmm? Dreamily Yue opened his eyes and turned his head, only to find himself looking at Touya. With stricken eyes his slave stared right back, shocked hurt and betrayal all too clear in his beautiful face.
“Toya,” Yue whispered, and he took a clumsy step back.
“I- I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t know how I- I’ll go now. Leave you alone.”
“Toya, wait!” His slave whirled and lunged for the steps, but when Yue tried to follow a strong grip on his arm held him back. “Toya!”
“Shush, Yue, there’s no need to panic. This is my castle after all; if you don’t want your slave to run away then I can arrange that easily enough.”
He was right, of course. Barely had Touya disappeared, footsteps thundering down the stairs, when he reappeared running up them at the same speed. Disoriented, he blinked when he found himself standing on the threshold again.
“Bastard,” he flung at Clow, provoking not so much as a raised eyebrow. “Why did you bring me here to watch that? Were you bragging? Let me go, already!”
“Toya, I did not mean for you to -”
“Marvelous that you could join us, Toya,” Clow interrupted, ignoring both of them. “I was so afraid that you wouldn’t make it in time. It seems your injuries have healed well.”
“I told you not to call me that! Did you just want to prove he’s still yours and always will be? Well I believe you. Now let me go.”
“I’m afraid not, for the sunrise is almost upon us.” Clow left Yue’s side and approached Touya, who tried to back away but somehow could not move fast enough. Quite gently, but firmly, he grasped Touya’s arm and dragged him back to the center of the room.
“Stop it! Let me go, stop touching me!” Over and over again Touya struggled to pry Clow’s grip off of him but couldn’t quite succeed. “Yue, tell him to stop touching me!”
But Yue, who would have been enraged to see anyone else manhandling his slave in such a manner, could only stand by and watch helplessly. Clow was his master, he had no power to give him orders. Torn with indecision, he stared as Clow brushed aside indignant yelps and peeled off Touya’s shirt.
“Ah, there they are. Well healed and quite fine, it’s true, but he will carry them to his death. Do you know why, Yue?”
His own body refused to give them up; Keroberos himself had said so. Mutely Yue shook his head.
“He’s terribly jealous of us, your slave is.”
“I am not!”
“He denies it, but his body speaks for him. Just discovering the truth about us was a hard-fought battle; each scar you left on his back is proof of what he endured for the sake of learning about his rival. Of course he won’t give them up.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Touya snapped, looking exasperated and angry but maybe also just a little nervous. Clow draped an arm around his chest, wicked gleam in his eye.
“Still think you have no chance with him, my love? I would not be so sure.”
Yue’s heart did beat faster, but Clow was still his first love, still his master. And anyway, Touya would never choose him.
“Yue, did you know that you were not the only one the Void attempted to bargain with tonight?”
“What?”
“It’s true. Your slave was offered a very interesting deal indeed, and like you he did not quite answer it. I’m quite curious to know what his response would have been.”
Clow looked meaningfully at Touya, who swallowed and looked away. He was no longer trying to break free of his grasp, but the rapid rise and fall of his lungs was more than enough to tell Yue how much he hated being held like this.
“Come now, no avoiding me. And I insist you tell me the truth.” Playfully Clow squeezed Touya’s chin and forced him to look up, into the eyes that Yue knew from experience could be almost hypnotic in nature. “Did you, even for a moment, consider saying yes?”
Touya didn’t have a chance. “No,” he mumbled.
“Why not? It was offering what you wanted most.”
He flicked an involunary glance at the bewildered Yue, and his shoulders dropped in defeat. “I could never sell him out. He’s better than that.”
Clow smiled. “Brave even against the Void. Oh Yue, I must commend your taste. He’s a stunning find.”
Yue’s heart thumped nervously, even as he ducked his head with guilt. “Clow… please.”
“Is it uncomfortable for you, all three of us here together? Good, for that is the way confrontations must come about. Fears and doubts between master, slave, and master, and slave…” In turn he indicated himself, Yue, and Touya, then Yue again. “And slave, finally resolved. It’s time to decide once and for all. Who will you love the most? Your past or your future? Will it be loyalty or hope? Because of all the choices we discussed tonight, everything that you know must be done, none can happen until you make this one, simple, long overdue choice. There can be no more hiding, Yue.”
And still the wretched Yue just stared, hands shaking, caught helplessly between one gaze of blue and one of black. It was impossible.
“Very well,” Clow sighed. “I’ll make it easy for you; we’ll have a test. I can’t say I’m wholly displeased about it.”
Sensuously his hand glided from Touya’s shoulder to cup his neck, then his jaw. Touya gulped and tried to break free, but was no more successful now than he’d been earlier. Stark panic shot through his eyes.
“Let go of me.”
“Shh, I promise it won’t hurt. Watch closely, Yue, watch good and hard. Be sure to note which one of us you’re jealous of. Then you’ll have your answer. What you do with it, well, that will be up to you. I have said all that I can say.”
Behind them, beyond the tower’s vast windows, the sun edged over the mountains and threw a crimson ray of light across the valley. And, effortlessly smothering all resistance, Clow took Touya and kissed him. Horrified, Yue watched Clow dominate his slave with that kiss that he knew so well, taking control even as Touya struggled to push away and escape. Strong hands grasped both his wrists and held him still, tongue assuredly diving ever deeper. Eventually Touya stopped fighting, overcome by Clow’s irresistable force, and reluctantly surrendered. All distance disappeared from between their bodies, friction growing as arms wrapped around the other and pulled ever closer –
Clow was kissing his Toya.

Both of them woke up in the same heartbeat, gasping for air, Yue lying sprawled almost directly atop Touya. Dizzy and disoriented, they flailed until Yue had the presence of mind to push himself up and off his trapped slave. Touya looked a mixture of rudely interrupted lust and his old injured pride at being violated without permission. Yue could not begin to imagine what he himself looked like. But Touya was staring at him and all he could think about were Clow’s words: then you’ll have your answer.
And he did.
“Toya,” he said, or tried to; he’d forgotten how hoarse the night had left him. “I- I love -”
“No!” As if he were in pain Touya cried out, and clapped his hands to his ears. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to know.”
He scrambled off the bed and fled to the balcony, leaping over the shattered glass without even noticing it. Yue watched him collapse against the wide stone rail, lungs heaving, hands shaking. Around him, the sky was lightening with the herald of dawn. Back inside, Yue clutched at a pillow and held it to his chest.
“I love you, Toya.”
And somewhere else in the castle, in a high and lonely tower, an old clock stopped ticking at last.

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