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No Rain	By : blynkin108 Category: +S to Z > Trigun Views: 4334 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
+Why the hell is he taking me here?+ I wondered as Vash led me to Wit’s End. I had never been inside the place, mostly because it struck me as snooty. You know, a bunch of hoity-toity I’m-better-than-you types who’d look down their noses at me. I can’t stand people like that. And besides that, it was a coffee bar. What the hell am I going to drink at a coffee bar?
Once we got inside, however, I realized that I’d made a small error in judgment. The place wasn’t packed full of the upper-crust, it was full of…for lack of a better phrase, punk kids. And these punk kids were sitting around chatting with their coffee or reading one of the myriad of paperback books that lined the shelves or were stacked on the tables. Most of the books were dog-eared copies of popular novels, but there were a couple I’d actually read before. I pulled Alice in Wonderland off the shelf and thumbed through it. Aunt Kaede had read it to me when I was a kid, after all the chores had been done and Uncle Roger had passed out in his armchair. I didn’t remember that much about it, sadly. I fought the overwhelming desire to curl up in one of the couches scattered about the place and just read. I hadn’t done that since…hell, I’d never done that. And anyway, I didn’t have my glasses. This was a good thing, mind you, because I hated those things. They made me look like a dork. That was another reason I didn’t read very often. If I read too much without the damn glasses, I’d get a headache that was only rivaled by a hangover. I could see stuff far away without a problem, but get anything within a fiel of my eyes, and it becomes a hopeless blur.
“Found a board.” Vash said as he sat down at a table in the middle of the room. I replaced Alice in Wonderland and sat down across from him. There was a cup of coffee sitting in front of my chair. I gave Vash a “What the hell is this shit supposed to be?” look. He returned the unasked question with an unsaid answer that translated to something like, “What do you think it is, dumbass?” Well, if I was going to drink coffee, I was going to drink it like a man. I picked up the mug and slurped. It was hot and almost burned my tongue. It was also incredibly bitter and…tasty, surprisingly enough. Or maybe it wasn’t so surprising, seeing as how I’d also been acquiring a taste for Wild Turkey. I pulled the ashtray over and lit up. I must be losing my taste buds.
Vash transplanted a stack of books from the middle of our table to another and laid out the board. The instant he did so, about three heads shot up and watched us with poorly disguised curiosity. We’d already attracted an audience. Fabulous.
“Well, let’s play then, shall we?” I smirked, as I finished setting up the chessmen. I was black. Vash was white. How…apropos.
Vash took the first piece, my queen’s pawn, with his fourth move. That was the beginning of the end. I thought I’d let Vash win just once, out of the goodness of my heart, but I soon found that no matter what strategy I used, Vash always beat me to the punch. Five games in a row. The sixth opened normally, with Vash moving his King’s pawn forward. No surprises there, really. I mirrored the move. I thought I was doing really well, three moves later, when Vash moved his queen right in front of my King for a check.
“What did you go and do that for, Needle-noggin?” I asked as I took his queen.
“Checkmate.” was his reply as he moved his bishop in for the kill. There was a smug grin firmly in place. +Shit.+ He was right. The game had lasted all of fifteen minutes. I stared at the board in disbelief. I’d been trounced six times in a row. I’d even let one of the kids help me with a game in hopes that I could at least win one. But no. Vash had thoroughly swept the floors with me.
“How d’ya like that?” he asked, still gloating. He was receiving pats on the back and hearty congratulations from the small crowd that had gathered around us as the hours ticked by.
“I don’t particularly. I would have preferred it if this game had lasted more than fifteen minutes.”
“It probably wouldn’t help if I told you that Millie taught me that move, would it?” he asked. No, it most certainly did not help. It also didn’t help that he was sitting there, basking in the praise of a bunch of kids. And to win that praise, he had completely humiliated me. I scowled at him for a few seconds before an idea spawned itself in my brain. Actually, it spawned in my stomach, but it’s the same difference.
“Well, if you’re going to continue to gloat like that, the least you could do is buy me dinner.” I wouldn’t be eating tonight if he didn’t, anyway. I had to save my last few double dollars for the bus ride, and I was almost out of cigarettes. I would have to pick up a pack tomorrow before I left. Not that I was looking forward to leaving. It wasn’t like I’d miss the broom-head, not really, but it was such a pain in the ass to find him again. +Right.+ As much as I hated the morning wake-up calls, and his annoyingly cheerful attitude, I knew I'd miss them. I guess it was just good to know that somebody gave enough of a shit about me to make sure I wasn’t slowly starving to death. Usually, I subsisted on meal blocks, wine and cigarettes. Real food was a luxury I'd come to appreciate. It grated on my nerves that it had to come from Vash; I hated being in debt to anyone, him in particular. My stomach growled, and I reluctantly agreed with it. One last good meal would be worth it, even if the price I had to pay was my pride.
“Spaghetti?” he asked. Well, hell. He’d actually taken me up on it. I can’t say I was expecting that. And he’d offered spaghetti, too. I sincerely hoped he wasn’t going to take me back to the Hotel Restaurant for it. I’d had enough aluminum sauce for a lifetime, thank you very much. But, as long as he was paying, I was eating. I ignored the pang of humiliation that tore through me. I’d gotten really good at that this past week.
“Sure. Sounds good. Lead the way!”
Vash led me to a small, out of the way place on the other side of town. There couldn’t have been more than twelve tables total, and that included the few that were placed outside as a sort of street café. There were green and white awnings over the windows, and the green and white sign above the door proclaimed this to be Cosimo and Susie’s Italian Eatery. It was a pretty classy place.
“You sure you have enough money for this?” I whispered into Vash’s ear. Perhaps it was my way of letting him back out gracefully before I was even further in debt to him. Maybe it was my way of saving a little face in the process. +God, I really am pathetic.+
“Sure, sure. Don’t sweat it.” He waved his hand in my face, dismissing my question without a second thought. I raised an eyebrow. I guess the twenty million double dollars he was going to give to Julian and Moore lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. +Because he doesn’t waste all his money on booze and cigarettes.+ I reminded myself. Well, if he was sure he had enough...

The interior of the little restaurant was just as quaint as the exterior. The walls were covered in murals of Little Jersey, and pictures of famous singers hung over each table. The weird thing was that there were no electric lights in the place. The only illumination came from a single candle placed on each table. The overall effect would have been nice, but I usually enjoyed seeing what I was eating. That, and it was almost...romantic. Wait, what the hell was I thinking?
Before panic could fully set in, though, the middle-aged hostess, who I assumed was Susie, sat us down at a little table in the corner, out of the way of the main dining area. She gave us a funny little smile as she took our drink orders. Vash ordered a bottle of wine. Real wine. Not the vinegar shit I was used to drinking. Actually, Vash made me order it, telling me which ones were the best on the list and then letting me decide which one to get. I tried to beg off. We didn’t need to be drinking expensive shit like this, but he insisted I get one, so I did. Augusta Shiraz. I balked at the price, but Susie just smiled and nodded and trotted off to the kitchen.
+He’s making me order expensive wine. He’s taking me out to a nice restaurant, and I didn’t even really expect him to take me up on the offer, let alone take me to a nice place like this.+ “Mister Vash just...really cares about you is all.” Cares. “I meant that I care about you.” About me. And I’m sitting in a romantic little restaurant and ordering expensive wine. +Dear God, please tell me he’s not trying to seduce me.+ That would be the last thing I needed right now. “Not like this.” Had he been more angry that I was drunk than that I’d wanted to kiss him? +I wonder what would happen if…+ I stopped that train of thought before it could chug its way too far down the track. I wanted to carve that particular piece of my brain out and sauté it in a nice white wine sauce. And...I couldn’t hurt him like that. Couldn’t use him like that. He deserved better than that, and he deserved better than me. He couldn’t really...
“Nice place, huh?” he asked. The candlelight played with his features, casting odd shadows over his face. Maybe he could. Maybe he could put everything away, push it out of his mind and try to engage me in the meaningless small talk that plagued every ‘date’ I’d ever been on. Well, there was a chance that I could use his propensity toward babble to my advantage to try and think what I should do next. I sure as hell couldn’t let this date end the way all the other ones had.
“Yeah. It really is. How’d you find it?” Simple question, complex answer. At least, that’s what I was hoping for. Vash took a deep breath.
“Well…” That was a good start. I was pretty safe now if I just kept nodding along and muttering occasionally.
The problem at hand could very well not be a problem at all. After all, Vash had never really told me this was a date. Maybe it was my own starved libido giving the evening connotations it didn’t have. +And maybe you’re just trying to make up excuses so you don’t have to face the music.+ I was really getting tired of my conscience telling me what I should and shouldn’t think. It wasn’t any big secret to me anymore that I wanted Vash. Wanting him and having him, though, were two entirely different things. I was pretty comfortable with the whole wanting him bit. That was fine. But to have him? To have and to hold? Never mind that the church didn’t do that kind of thing, but where the hell had that come from? It was certainly a pretty picture, but it wasn’t… This wasn’t how I wanted it. Not now, at any rate.
“And then he told me…” I nodded. Vash was still rambling. Good.
My problem with being ‘friends’ with Vash before was the fact that I’d been certain that he’d be so disgusted by the idea that he’d bolt every time he saw me, making it damn near impossible to keep tabs on him.
This particular turn of events, while unexpected, was no less dangerous. Granted, Legato had never actually laid down the commandment “Thou Shalt Not Touch Thy Quarry,” so technically it was okay. If he had, it probably would have made me actively go after Vash. Just to piss Legato off. The combination of forbidden fruit, and the fact that Legato himself had told me no, would have made Vash even more irresistible than he already was. And trust me, he was already pretty irresistible. I wished I could remember more of last night, if only so I could remember how I’d kept from kissing him. I mean, I’d been that close and I hadn’t gone through with it? Probably a good thing, mind you, but immensely frustrating, nonetheless. Oh, wait. Vash had thrown a fit that I was drunk. That’s why… I wasn’t drunk now, but the more I sat here and brooded, the more drunk I wanted to be. The more I avoided his eyes, the more I wanted to stare into them. And the more I pushed away from him, the harder he pulled me toward him. I felt like I was in some giant tug-of-war game, either way I’d get dragged through the mud. Either I finished the mission and…to put it bluntly, removed Vash from this plane of existence, or I didn’t and I was removed from this plane of existence. And the whole argument was completely moot, since I had no way of knowing whether he even wanted me that way anyways. +But he’s the one taking you out to dinner, he’s the one chasing you down every night in some bar, and he’s the one…+
“And then I caught Meryl and Millie in your room…” I jerked my head up. +WHAT? They were what? Doing where?+ Wait, he was just fucking with me. Oops. Must have noticed I wasn’t paying attention. Dammit. I glared at Vash. He glared back. “You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?”
“Well…” I should have told him yes, but I couldn’t tell him a single thing he’d said, and he’d probably ask. “No. Is that a crime?”
“Well…yes! If you wanted some time to think, all you had to do was ask, instead of letting me prattle on like an idiot.” Alright, so he had a point, but it was more for the sake of letting him believe I was paying attention so he wouldn’t ask what I was thinking about. Telling someone you’re thinking is a sure-fire way to make them ask ‘about what?’ And I didn’t really want to talk to Vash about what I was thinking about. + “Oh by the way, is this a date?” Yeah, that would have gone over real well.+
“It’s not like you wouldn’t ‘prattle on’ anyways, I was just giving you a chance. Yeesh, you’d think this was a date or something.” Hey, might as well throw it out there, just to get a reaction. Vash stuttered around for a few seconds before coming back with “And what if it is?”
“Then we’re both in trouble,” I replied, before thinking about it.
+Well, shit.+ He hadn’t answered the question. I had. Then again, I hadn’t really asked the question to begin with… It was all so very, very convoluted. I stared at the table.
“What’s wrong?” He asked. What was wrong? What wasn’t wrong? This whole day started out shitty and just kept getting worse. And it had started with me waking up in his bed. His Goddamn bed. Never mind the fact that I’d wanted to wake up there for…shit, since I met him. Of course, not in those particular circumstances, and, for Christ’s sake, not alone. Just because I was used to it didn’t make it any easier. Here, now, I wanted him so bad it almost hurt, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
“Uhm, nothing. Everything’s fine.” I replied. I looked up at him and flashed what I hoped looked like a wry grin. The candlelight caught in his hair and made it glow, soft and golden. Like a halo. He was beautiful. That was the only word I could think of to describe it. The shadows across his face shifted slightly as he returned my pseudo-smile with his genuine one. His eyes sparkled in the dim light, almost as if they were lit from within. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen his eyes when they weren’t empty, but this time they held something that I couldn’t quite read. I found myself caught in them, and I couldn’t break the gaze. I knew I was staring, but I couldn’t look away. Somewhere in my wildest daydreams Vash might have looked at me like he was looking at me now, and maybe it was only a trick of the light, but he looked like he wanted what I wanted. But I’d never admit it. The reality of it was much more intense than I could have ever imagined. Hell, he was nothing like I’d ever imagined. I could feel my lips quirk at the corners, pulling into my own smile. I suppose, at any other time, I would have counted myself to be the luckiest man alive to be on a date with Vash the Stampede. I didn’t feel very lucky right now, though. Right now, I felt like I needed a smoke. Or a whole Goddamn pack of them, more like. Anything to keep me from doing something I’d most likely regret in the morning, to keep me from responding to…the call in his eyes. Luckily, there was an ashtray on this table.
The smoke screen was a welcome separation. It didn’t erase the questions hanging in the air, but it eased the tension a little. Or maybe that was my wishful thinking at work.
“Are youse guys ‘bout ready to order?” Susie asked. She smiled down at me, but I could tell it was a forced smile. What the hell had I done to piss off a middle-aged woman I didn’t even know? I mean, if they put ashtrays on the table, they’d better expect people to smoke, right?
“Uhm, yeah,” Vash said. “A large platter of spaghetti, please. Extra sauce.”
“Shore thing, sweetheart.” She tossed a strange look at me as she went back to the kitchen to retrieve the spaghetti that Vash had ordered for himself. +He ordered for you too, dumbass.+ Piss. Well, that about clinched it, then. Which didn’t make me feel any better. I lit another cigarette. Then I took a sip of the wine. It was really good. I wasn’t what one would call a connoisseur, but I knew a good wine when I drank one, and not solely based on the price, either, although this one was worth the hundred and twenty double dollars. +One hundred and twenty bucks he spends on you. He’s been wasting more than that, if you count all the Wild Turkey he’s bought this past week. Not to mention breakfast.+ On top of everything else, my conscience decided to chastise me. Perfect. I was already in debt to Vash up to my fucking eyeballs. Not only for all the money he spent, but for saving my ass out in the desert, and again with the machines, and again at the quick draw tournament. Not to mention sacrificing whatever merits his name had acquired to save a couple of stupid kids. +He was a much better person than me in so many ways. What the fuck did he want with me?+ My brain was trying to gang up on me, I swear it. But I couldn’t ignore him anymore. Whatever I had been trying to do was no longer an option. For either of us. The harder I pushed, the harder Vash pushed back. And I was about ready to cave in. The morning bus couldn’t come soon enough. I just needed some space, no matter where that space was, or where I was going. Things would be better once I got out of November. I wished it wasn’t Jeneora Rock that I was going to, though. I’d much rather be going Home.
Home had been popping into my thoughts more and more, these past days. It seemed like everything reminded me of something I missed about that place, or Sister Fran, or one of the kids. Even eating spaghetti reminded me of Home, because it reminded me that I hadn’t had miso soup in almost three months. I was just sick of being on the road. I had never been happier than I was when I was at Home.
“Um, you might want to put out your smoke? I think dinner’s here.” Vash said. He was eyeing me warily. +What? Did I suddenly sprout horns?+
Susie stood over the table, holding a gigantic plate of pasta smothered in tomato sauce. My mouth started to salivate at the very idea of chowing down on that. I flicked the butt of my cigarette into the tray, and helped myself to a heaping portion as soon as Susie set the platter down. It was the best pasta I’d ever had, hands down. I don’t know what they did to the sauce, but it was perfection itself. Slurping and clinking silverware replaced any further hope of conversation until the last tiny pools of sauce had been mopped up by the complimentary garlic bread. Which was just as good as the pasta. I leaned back in my chair and sipped the last bit of wine out of my glass as a sort of dessert. It was good enough to be classified as its own food group, really. I patted my stomach. There’s nothing like a good meal to put your mind at ease.
“This place is fantastic.” I tried to suppress the belch I could feel pushing its way out. I only succeeded in dampening the volume and making my eyes burn. Vash looked at me, smirked, and said, “Nice.”
“What? I’d like to see you do better.” I meant suppress the belch, but it didn’t come out that way.
“And if I do?” he arched an eyebrow. That was a challenge if I ever heard one. An all-out belching contest wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for the remainder of the evening, but I wasn’t about to back down.
“If you can win a belching contest against me, I’ll buy dinner next time.” I hadn’t specified where or what, so if need be... +There’s going to be a next time? Hell, there’s going to be a remainder of the evening? What the hell had I done now?+
“You’re on.” +Crap.+ Well, now I really had to step up to the plate.
“Alright. Only rule is you can’t use beer.” Pretty good for the spur of the moment. “You still in?”
“Have you ever seen me back out of a challenge?” Technically, he’d challenged me, but that was a minor detail.
“Well, then, shall we?” I stood up and made for the door. I wasn’t going to belch on purpose in this place. I do have some manners.
After paying the bill, Vash followed me out into the street. We walked for a couple of blocks while I prepared a decent effort. It was pretty good, if I do say so myself.
“Eh, I’d give it about a...” he thought for a second, “five.” +Excuse me?+
“A five? What the hell kind of scale are you measuring by?” If that was only a five...
“Well, it’s a scale from one to ten with one being a Millie, a polite little air biscuit, and a ten...” he paused.
“Yeah?” Curiosity killed the cat, I know, but I wasn’t exactly of the feline persuasion.
“A ten being when I witnessed Meryl out-belch every man in the bar when I couldn’t pay all of my tab. She actually managed to knock a few bottles off the bar with the sheer force of one.” he laughed. “For such a tiny thing, she sure has good lungs.”
Holy hell. I burst out laughing. If there had been tension in the air, it dissolved immediately as we laughed together about uptight Meryl out-belching a bunch of drunks. That truly had to be a sight. I couldn’t even imagine how she could accomplish something like that. In light of that, my pathetic attempt had indeed only been worth a five, if that, but like hell if I’d admit it.
“Oh come on. It was at least a seven.”
“No, this is a seven.” And with that, he released a belch that sounded more like an extended gunshot than anything a person could produce. I had to admit, it was impressive. “Top that.” It would take some preparation, but...
“Alright, gimme a minute.” I swallowed a mouthful of air. Then another, and another. I kept on swallowing until I could feel it push against my throat. Then I opened my mouth. The air escaped with enough force that it almost made me vomit. And I surpassed Vash in both length and volume. Excellent.
“Ha! Eat that, chess champ!” I grinned triumphantly.
“It’s not exactly something to be proud of, but whatever works.” He shrugged noncommittally.
“Fine. Be that way about it. Sore loser.” Would it kill him to take defeat graciously for once? Not like he’s ever lost a contest in his life, anyway.
“Aww. Poor baby. Did I hurt your widdle ego?” Oh that was it. That was so it. I tried to suppress the laughter that was nearly bursting out of me. +Vash said ‘widdle!’+
“My ego? My widdle ego?,” It was by no means ‘widdle,’ thank you very much, “I’ll show you ‘widdle,’ you broom-headed buffoon!” And before I realized what I was doing, I launched myself at him, catching him around the waist. We tumbled backwards, landed hard on the ground, and skidded backwards. Vash grunted with the impact. I got right up in his face.
“Don’t you mean to say, ‘That was a great belch. Gee, I wish I could do that?’ Isn’t that what you meant to say?” Vash opened his mouth to reply, but instead a huge cloud of disgusting, rotten belch breath hit me smack in the face. The stench alone was enough to knock me on my ass, never mind the sheer volume, which was probably worth a nine... Dammit. He won again.
“Uhm, oops? I’m...sorry? You really showed me?”
“Don’t make it worse. I guess that makes you the belch champ, too.” Christ, it’d be nice for once not to be constantly shown up by that guy.
Vash sat up, crossing his arms over his lap. “I still maintain it’s not something to be proud of. And the title still belongs to Meryl, by the way.” Hard to believe, but impressive nonetheless. There was only one comeback for that.
“Wow.” I sat up on my heels. Vash chuckled.
“Yeah. You’ve never heard a belch until you’ve heard Meryl belch. But that’s nothing compared to the way she farts!” Vash laughed. I just stared at him.
“That...that was disgusting!” I swiped at his head, but missed, because Vash leaned back. I don’t care who she is, I don’t want to hear about her farting. Vash rocked forward again, and used the momentum to spring on me and knock me backwards. He sat straddling my stomach, fists on either side of my head, grinning. I stopped cold and just stared at him. Stared at Vash the Stampede looming over me. His features were blurry, thanks to my sucktacular eyesight, but for some reason, his eyes were perfectly clear. God, how many times...how many times had I... He leaned closer...closer...said something. I couldn’t hear him. Trapped. +So close.+

“you wanna KISS me?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

+Yeah, I do.+ Before I could stop myself, I pulled Vash down to me and did just that. +“Soft. So soft.”+ His lips, his skin, his hair. God, it was everything I’d dreamed of and more. My right arm circled his waist, and I pulled myself up against him. He gasped, and my eyes flew open and stared into endless turquoise.
+WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?+ My conscience screamed at me. +Oh fuck. Oh fuck!+ I pushed him up and off of me. +Shit. I’ve really gone and done it now. Jesus H. Christ what the fuck was I thinking?+ The problem being, I hadn’t been thinking, at least, not with my brain. And I couldn’t blame it on anything other than my lack of self-control. What was it about him? I’d actually gone and done it this time, and he hadn’t stopped me. +Hadn’t had time to stop me.+
I scrambled to my feet and walked a few paces away, fumbling for my cigarettes. I wanted to apologize and curse him at the same time. It was more that I was angry at myself for losing control. +But he made you lose control.+ I stared hard at the ground, trying to come up with a way to salvage the situation. There was absolutely no excuse I could name for kissing a man in a public street, no matter how briefly. And it hadn’t been just any man, either. I had kissed Vash the Stampede. My own chapped lips were still tingling from the contact, and the warmth from his body still lingered. I found, in spite of myself, that I wanted to turn around and claim his lips again. Claim him as my own. But that couldn’t happen. Or rather, I wouldn’t let it happen. I was stuck in a vice of my own creation, and the grips continued to tighten. I couldn’t abandon the mission without dire consequences. I knew what would happen. I knew there were so many people depending on me to keep them safe. But there was a part of me that just didn’t care anymore, that wanted…him, consequences be damned.
It would be so easy to forget, to tell myself that there was nothing in the way. Hell, I’d lied to everyone else, I was beginning to feel left out. It would be easy, and the easy way out had only led me to more and more disaster. I was desperately trying to hold onto the tattered shreds of my humanity, fighting off the demon’s lies, because if I succumbed to them, I would end up like Rai-Dei or Caine. Or worse. The demon hadn’t claimed me, not yet, and I was determined to keep it that way. And the only way I knew how to do that was to just walk away. But before I could make good on that threat, Vash’s voice stopped me in my tracks.
“So~o...” it was quiet, forlorn. “On the first evening a pebble...” the melody broke in places as it rose and fell. That wasn’t like him. Dear God in Heaven, he wasn’t...
“Falling somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world.” An overwhelming sadness filled me, consumed me. *I’ve been rejected so many times* Wait a minute. That wasn’t me. *Too many times.* Where was that...? I turned to Vash. It was more instinctual than any conscious decision on my part. He sat on the ground, knees together, legs splayed out to the sides. He looked…vulnerable like that, cheeks wet with tears. My heart literally ached, and there wasn’t anything I could do to relieve it.
“So~o...On the second evening...” *Rem, take me home.* Home. Take me Home... But...this sadness wasn’t mine. This was a loss, a complete and total loss, of something...someone...*Oh, Rem, please...* Yes. Whoever, whatever Rem was, he’d lost him, or her, or it. It was impossible to tell. The word was wrapped in everything he believed in, and everything he strove to achieve. Rem was like Home, and Vash had lost that.
“What...what’s that song?” I asked quietly. It didn’t much matter if he answered or not. I didn’t really expect him to. But the melody haunted me, like a half-forgotten dream. I genuinely wanted to know.
“It was...Her song. It’s a good song.” +Her? Rem...Her song...+ It all began to fit into place. +I wonder who she was...+ She was impossibly important to Vash. She meant everything to him. I probably couldn’t even compete. Just like everything else, this, too, was more powerful that me.
Goddammit! This just wasn’t fair. Wasn’t right. I felt completely powerless. I had truly hurt him this time, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could say in my defense. I’d told Vash once that he was a troubled man. The only reason I knew was because I was just the same. We both had to hide our true selves behind false identities, socially acceptable alternatives to who we really were. His eyes reflected the emptiness that I knew to be in my own. We were drowning ourselves, determined to keep everything, and everyone, out. I couldn’t stop him from breaking through. He’d shattered one of my last defenses; blown it to smithereens, actually, and I had no idea how to go about reconstructing it. Without it, every emotion I’d ever repressed and more was pummeling my exposed mind. And somehow it wasn’t restricted to my mind. All those emotions had found the gaping hole in my shields, and had spilled over…to Vash. It was coursing through us both like blood. Like sin. If only we could just stop, step away from the world, find a place where there were no worries, no troubles. Eden. But humanity had been banned from that idyllic place eons before with a burning sword. And I couldn’t even atone for my own sins, let alone all of humanity’s. But somehow, making Vash cry was the worst sin of them all. I ran a hand through my hair and turned away, grimacing in disgust at myself. I’d fucking made him cry. +Way ta go, dumbass.+
I was always screwing up. I was never good enough, strong enough, smart enough. Everything that had ever gone wrong in my life was my fault, and I’d had enough. Why couldn’t I do something right for a change? Something good?

“You good-for nothing piece of shit. You’ll never amount

to anything. You’d be worth more as fertilizer. Nah, you

wouldn’t even be worth that, you worthless piece of garbage.

You’ll poison everything you touch. Just like you did with

your mother.”

Uncle Roger’s words echoed in my head. It tied my stomach in knots. I’d spent so many years trying to prove him wrong. So much energy trying to overcome his words, only to have them proved right by an outlaw.
*Why did it have to be you? Why are you the only one who’s worth everything to me? *
+Don’t lie!+ Goddamn. That was the last thing I needed... Vash digging in my mind? +Oh no. No you don’t.+ I whipped back around and glared at him.
“What the HELL were you doing?” I spat. All the frustration, anger, and hate that I’d been holding back welled up and involuntarily launched itself at him. I felt the white heat again. The white heat that had stunned Legato into sullen silence all those years ago. And it was headed straight for Vash. I couldn’t stop it. I tried, but I couldn’t. Whatever Vash had done, it wasn’t deserving of that.
+No!+ But it was too late. *Not again.*
“What have you done?” he asked. I stared at Vash, fear rolling off me like sweat. +Please God...+ I hadn’t meant to. I hadn’t wanted to. But like everything else, it had all gone horribly wrong.
Vash’s eyes sparked, like they were trying to catch fire. Something must have ignited, because they started to radiate light of their own accord. I staggered back, stumbled against a railing, and sat down hard on the street. I wasn’t afraid of what I’d done to Vash anymore. No, now I was afraid of what Vash might do to me. +Holy fucking hell.+ His eyes looked like he’d opened a portal to hell. They shone white-blue and light filled the narrow street. My heart slammed against my ribs, trying to beat its way out of my chest. If I could have stood, I would have bolted. As it was, I was paralyzed. Whether from fear or some other force was uncertain, but whatever the reason, I was caught, trapped in that other-worldly glow, and I couldn’t look away. Rage filled the air with a nearly audible crackling brittleness. His eyes bored into my own, and a searing pain ripped through my back, right between my shoulder blades. I hunched my shoulders, trying to relieve the pressure that was building there, building for something that couldn’t...shouldn’t happen anymore. The skin pulled, like it had so many years ago, but there was..nothing. Phantoms. That’s all it was. Just phantoms.
“Let...let me go!” he screamed. “I...I can’t...” Vash’s hands pulled at his hair. Let go of him? I wasn’t... Yes, I was. I had been staring into his eyes the whole time, watching them morph from dark, sparking teal to blue.
+You’re trapped...in here? Oh sweet angry Jesus...+ I closed my eyes. And that seemed to help. I’d always heard eyes were windows to the soul, but somehow, they’d turned into one big revolving door. Hopefully, I’d been able to stop it.
“What the fuck was that?” I asked, gasping for breath. I felt like I’d just run a few thousand iles, but I’d been sitting against a porch railing the whole time. The pain in my back subsided as whatever connection we’d had slowly faded out.
“Nothing I intended.” Now there was the non-answer of the century.
“Well, what did you intend then? To go rummaging around in my head, looking for information you’re better off without?” “Already FUCKING know!” Vash’s retort rang in my head. Where...what...? Everything was all twisted and confused and warped. And then there was Vash’s mind, beating a rhythm against the back of my head. A mind that wasn’t mine, but was close enough to touch. “I don’t have to tell you because you already FUCKING know!” Vash’s voice again in my head. A memory...a memory I hadn’t been able to catch before... Something had happened last night, and he’d tried to cover it up. “You’re no better than they are, are you?”
*All I’d wanted to do was find her...* His mind was still there, so close that I could hear his thoughts without even trying.
“Rem...I thought it was okay.” he said aloud. “I thought I could...could...’cause it’s safe, ‘cause you’re gone...” his brow furrowed. “You’re gone? You’re dead...he KILLED you! I’M GONNA KILL HIM! KNIVES!!!” His voice rang through the empty street. Whatever had been keeping his mind outside of mine suddenly gave under the intensity of his rage. The flesh of my back stretched and pulled again, sending a burning spasm down my left leg. A roar of pain ripped its way out of my chest. Phantoms or no, it felt just like the first time. I half-expected to be buried in another shower of blood-soaked feathers.
I stared at Vash, his eyes lighting up the street as if it were high noon, bathing everything in an eerie blue light. He was shaking and crying and screaming in anguish. My hand shook as I extended it out to him. It was an effort to even move. I was trapped again in a violent tornado of pure emotion that engulfed me completely. My hand dropped to the ground. I was slumped like a rag doll against the porch railing, unable to even blink as I watched Vash break.
*Why was I even trying...I forget why...why should I even care what happens? Let it end here.*
The ground moaned. It creaked as though a great weight had been placed upon it. Something was wrong. +Let it end here?+ Vash’s arms were crossed over his chest, left over right, holding himself together. +End here. No. No, he wasn’t trying to....+
“Vash! Vash!” I screamed his name. Maybe it could call him back from whatever ledge he was teetering on. “Please, Vash...Please...Come back.” His eyes grew more intense, and the ground shook. I struggled to move, to stop him. By sheer force, I weakened the destructive link between us. I staggered to my feet, stumbling forward and nearly falling to my knees. The few paces between us seemed like iles, but I refused to allow him to do this.
“NO!” I reached out, falling towards him, my hands grabbing the heavy cotton coat. I pulled him to me with the last of my strength, as if through sheer force of will I could stop the spiral. Stop his rage and utter despair from destroying him. It was probably a futile effort. How could a will as weak as mine pull him back? But I couldn’t do any less. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and his body went slack. Everything was still. Deathly still. I watched Vash’s face for some sign, some indication that everything would be alright. I was afraid for one horrible moment that I’d been too late, that he’d already gone. But then I heard him suck in a ragged breath. He was alive.
I rocked back and forth, fingers digging into his stupid red coat. After-shocks wracked his body as he lay against me. If he’d died...I didn’t want to think about that. His life was tied to mine now, in more ways than I cared to admit, even to myself. This had gone way beyond duty. It had become personal, but just when exactly it had changed was lost to me now. I silently cursed myself for being so blind that it took a near-death experience for me to realize what had happened.
I held him against my heart. It felt...right. As he relaxed against me, breathing more evenly now, I finally understood. I couldn’t ignore the ache in my chest any longer.
I cupped my hand under his chin, lifted his face to mine, and kissed him. And knew it. And reveled in it. Vash gasped, and there was a little jump at the back of my mind. Vash had been surprised. But then it didn’t matter anymore, because he was kissing me back. After the overwhelming violence of the past few...minutes? hours?...this was downright gentle. We fit together as though we’d done this a thousand times before, and maybe somewhere, in my forgotten daydreams, we had. But whatever I’d dreamed didn’t compare to what was actually happening. I’d never before in my life felt a kiss with my whole being, mind, body and soul. Two minds, actually. Vash’s was thrumming in time with my pulse.
The pleasure poured through us both, building on itself, multiplying until it wasn’t pleasure anymore, it was ecstasy. God, I didn’t want to give it up. I wanted it to continue and continue until I couldn’t hold it anymore. My arms snaked around Vash’s torso and pulled him even closer to me. The buttons on his coat dug into my chest, but I didn’t care. I lost myself in his lips, his eyes. It was his eyes that connected me. They were wide, wondering. Like he’d been given an unexpected gift. I guess, in a way, he had. I hadn’t even been expecting it.
I finally pulled away, realizing that kissing Vash in the middle of a public street was probably not the best thing to be doing. Our only saving grace was that this was a shopping district and all the shops were closed. I hadn’t realized it was that late. +Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess.+
“Let’s sing a different song, okay?” I asked, carefully extracting myself from his coat and getting shakily to my feet. Vash blinked at me for a moment before laughing. It was a tired laugh, but genuine.
“Yeah. Sounds like a plan to me.” he replied. He tried to stand, but couldn’t get his footing. He looked up at me expectantly and extended a hand. He was asking for help, trusting that I would be there. It made me just a little ashamed of what I was about to do.
I grabbed his wrist and hauled him to his feet, purposely overbalancing him. It was the oldest trick in the book, and it worked beautifully. He fell right into my waiting arms. He looked up, slightly startled, and I couldn’t resist another kiss.
I put his right arm over my shoulders and wrapped my left arm around his waist. He leaned into me, grateful for the support. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, half afraid that he’d vanish into thin air and this would turn out to be a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. He really was there, resting against my shoulder, letting me guide him back to the hotel. He trusted me. Nobody had ever really trusted me like that before.
Vash’s body was exuding heat in waves, like he was literally letting off steam. Every now and again, his eyes would spark, trying to re-ignite the power flow that had been stemmed. But they didn’t light again. In the back of my mind, I could feel Vash struggling to control it.
I’d never had a mind that close to mine before without immense pain. Or unbelievable amounts of concentration on my part. This just came naturally, like it was meant to be or something stupid like that. It sounded so...unbelievably cliché, though, that it was difficult for even me to accept, but there it was. Staring me in the face this entire time. It sort of felt like a hole had been blown in my shields, but this was no ordinary hole. I’d had my shields breached enough times to know what that felt like. This felt more like...a tunnel. There was an opening at both ends. I could feel Vash’s mind, and that meant that Vash could feel mine. I didn’t like the implications of that, but I suppose the trust issue went both ways.
Vash’s mind humming so close to mine was more soothing than anything else, actually. It reassured me that he was still there, and that I’d always know it. In a very real way, we couldn’t be apart anymore. I think I was supposed to be annoyed by that, but that’s not how I felt. Instead, I felt relief.
*Thank God.* Words formed in the back of my brain. I knew they were Vash’s now; I could feel it, but it didn’t sound like his voice. It was Vash’s voice tinged with a bit of my own inner voice, I suppose would be the best way to describe it. +That must have been why I didn’t recognize it at first. That, or...+
*Recognize what?*
+You heard that?+ I stared at him. I guess I didn’t realize he could hear me, too, even when I didn’t particularly ‘send’ thoughts his way.
*Yes. But, what didn’t you recognize?* Vash looked at me, curious now. I could see it in his eyes as well as feel it.
+Your...voice, I guess. I didn’t recognize it right away. It didn’t sound like you.+
*Oh...* Vash’s brow furrowed. *But you sound like you.* I mentally shrugged.
+I’d rather not dwell on the particulars at the moment. Right now we need to get you back to the hotel. Agreed?+ Vash still looked about ready to collapse. He needed to lie down and rest.
*Mm. Sounds good. Very good.* Well, at least he wasn’t going to fight me on that. His ‘tone’ though, left me wondering if he was really thinking that sleep was the best use of the bed. Naaaaahh.
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