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Yo-Yo	By : ChaoticSpecter Category: Digimon > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 3414 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon: Digital Monsters, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Yo-Yo

Chapter 5:
Tumbling down the rabbit hole

By: ChaoticSpecter

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing that has anything to do with Digimon.
This means that everything I am writing is for entertainment only.

A/N:
This fic contains shonen-ai. If this offends you in any way, please hit the
back button on your browser. Those of you remaining, enjoy.

Things with Daisuke have been interesting as of late. I�ve always
loved hanging out with him and up until this point I did not think that our
relationship could get any better than it was, but I was wrong. We actually
became closer after that night in the park; if things between us were chill
before that night now they were fucking awesome. I love it. The freedom that
comes with being with someone you trust implicitly and just exploring every
aspect of your sexuality without fear of judgment. It�s the same thing I feel
whenever I�m with Yamato-- only I don�t get hurt because Daisuke�s not an
asshole. This of course means that I have been spending more time than usual
with Daisuke, which means that Yamato is pissed a majority of the
time--something I�m entirely too thrilled about. But I think �hey he makes me
miserable all the time, it�s only fair that he feel the way I do�.

I have noticed that a lot of my happiness these past months has
been in large part due to Yamato�s moodiness. Whenever he�s miserable, I am
happy. This used to be so much different; where I used to do something to make
him happy, I now do whatever I can to make him feel worse. This saddens me
really. Yamato is still my best friend in spite of how fucked up things have
been between us lately. Yes, I know it�s hard to believe with how dysfunctional
our relationship has been but it�s true. In spite of everything he has done to
me, I love Yamato. He is still the most important person for me. He will always
have a special place in my heart. Everything that has happened so far makes me
wonder why exactly that is; not why he is special or why he means so much, but
why I can�t let him go no matter what. That has to mean something, I know it does,
but I just keep missing it and I know it�s because I�m too close to the
situation.

But Daisuke is awesome. He helps me forget about all of the shit
I�ve been going through with Yamato. He has replaced Yamato in a sense; where I
used to go to Yamato whenever I had a problem, I now go to Daisuke. We play
soccer, go to the movies, or just hang out at each others houses doing nothing.
I can just be myself with him; I haven�t been able to just be for a while. It�s
nice to have someone to go to when you need to.

Daisuke and I were in the hallway during lunch talking about
nothing in particular when an idea struck me. �Hey, Dai-chan,� I said in a
husky whisper, pushing him against a row of lockers in a deserted portion of
the hallway we were in. �Wanna fool around a little?� I asked brushing my lips against his neck.
Daisuke shivered slightly in response.

�I�d love to, but we�re supposed to meet the others in the computer
lab remember?�

�Yeah, after we eat,� I said
pushing myself closer and ghosting my lips across his. �It�s still the beginning
of the lunch period, we got time,� I finished claiming his mouth in a bruising
kiss.

Daisuke abruptly broke away from the kiss panting heavily, �Let�s
do this,� he growled before grabbing me by the hand and dragging me in the general
direction of the janitor�s closet. Needless to say, we were late for the
meeting, but getting to hear Daisuke�s gasping moans and whimpers of pleasure
had been well worth the lectures.

The rest of the week was
pretty normal, well as normal as anything ever got around me lately. Yamato was
a little bitchier than usual for some reason, and this was impressive
considering how bitchy he has been this last month, and I could swear he was
attempting to see if he could actually kill me with his mood swings, but that�s
neither here nor there. The whole point of it was that I was losing patience.
Fast. I�m just getting so fed up with everything, the dysfunction of it all.
This entire situation is so perverse it makes me sick to think about it. What�s
so bad about this whole thing is that I think I�m starting to hate Yamato even
as I cling to him like the needy little school girl I am; what�s worse is I
think I�m starting to hate myself. I have become someone I don�t recognize any
more, I have done things I never thought I�d do; felt things I never thought
I�d feel. In changing himself, Yamato has changed me and I want to hate him for
it, but I can�t. That�s what makes this so hard. How do I reconcile my best
friend hurting me in such a way, my letting him do this to me without a fight,
the things I�ve done to deal with the pain?

This is too much for any one person to deal with. Yama how could
you do this to me? I don�t think the whole situation would be so bad, so
emotionally draining, if I had a real reason as to why Yamato was acting the
way he was. It would still hurt yes, but I�d at least have a reason. Right now
everything Yamato does contradicts something he says or vice versa. It�s so
fucking confusing and frustrating to have to deal with him when he keeps acting
like this. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks our situation is as fucked up as I
do. If he did we�d at least have a common space to start working it out but
that�s just wishful thinking. Yamato and I have not spoken to each other since
any of this began and it�s hard for me to believe that things will ever go back
to the way they were. Not that that could ever happen in light of everything
that has occurred this past year, but I would like to be able to talk to him
again. I�m so tired of being cautious around him, it doesn�t feel right. Yamato
has hurt my feelings in more ways than I thought possible and still all I want
at the end of the day is to be able to go to him and talk, have him hold me,
anything. I just want my best friend and I�m starting to get desperate, so
desperate that the only way I can deal with him any more is to make him angry.
I�m so tired of being mad at him, for wanting to hurt him because he hurt me. I
don�t know how much longer I can hold up; I don�t know how I�ve held up this
long. I�m so tired of thinking about this; all I do is think in circles. I need
to get away from Yamato, I need to think, but he will never leave me alone. It
seems like the longer shit goes on, the more obsessive Yamato gets about
controlling me. I don�t understand it. I�m going to give myself a migraine if I
keep this up.

Daisuke and I went to the park to hang out at the swing set
yesterday-- it�s become one of our favorite spots to hang out since the first
night we were together--and he told me about his new crush. I laughed
hysterically when he told me who it was. Ken. He was falling for Ken and he was
falling hard. Had been for a while actually but was too caught up in his
admiration of me to see it. I was happy our little tryst had worked out so well
for him. He got to be with me like he wanted and he was able to realize his
feelings for his best friend. I was happy for him. I really was, but I couldn�t
help feeling a little sad. I knew Ken wouldn�t treat Daisuke the way Yamato was
treating me and I felt just a little bit jealous. We decided that we should
stop sleeping together so that Daisuke could devote his full attention to Ken
and I bought him lunch in a show of support for his newly blossoming emotions.

I haven�t seen Yue at all the past couple of weeks. He�s sent me a
couple of e-mails and we�ve chatted online a few times, but that�s about it. I
feel kind of sad about that because Yue is going away to college in a few weeks
and we are going to see very little of each other when he does. We�ve grown
close over the past little while and I feel very reluctant to give that up.
He�s just so easy to talk to, I like hanging out with him; we talk about
everything. Sometimes we make out, sometimes we don�t; most of the time he�s
just taking me somewhere he thinks I�d like and we just lay around in
comfortable silence. I think I like Yue so much because he reminds me of what
Yamato used to be like. They aren�t carbon copies or anything like that and I
don�t only like Yue because of the nostalgia he inspires in me, these are all
minor reasons. When I say that he reminds me of the way Yamato used to be, I
mean that he�s very relaxed around me. He�s not guarded at all, he�s willing to
share all of himself with me in the time that we have together. That was why he
approached me, he didn�t want to go away without having ever said anything
about what he felt; he didn�t want any regrets. I admire that about him, he
took such a risk without even knowing that I was attracted to men. In that way,
he�s a lot like Yamato.

I seriously want to bang my head against a wall right now. Why is
it that no matter what I try to think about my thoughts always come back to
Yamato? If he were in my face right now I�d choke him. I�m so tired of all this shit; I just want it
to be over. Why can�t it be over?

x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Yamato wanted me to meet him in the park after soccer practice
today. I was a little wary about doing so because he was still being bitchier
than usual and I still didn�t know the reason why. I was seriously starting to
get paranoid, Yamato was acting so angry and I could tell that this anger was
directed at me, but he never said anything. He let whatever is bothering him
fester for damn near two weeks, which is a fucking miracle because Yamato never
keeps his anger hidden where I�m concerned. So, I just know that something I
won�t like is going to happen.

I stepped through the park gates and a feeling of dread immediately
washed over me, I really had a bad feeling about this, but I was just so tired
of fighting with Yamato. If I didn�t show up, we would fight and I didn�t want
that. I�m tired of making him angry, it makes me feel better for a little
while, but it doesn�t accomplish anything. What I really want to do is sit down
and actually talk to Yamato. I know it�ll be hard in the beginning, but it�ll
get better and maybe by the time we�re done talking we�ll both have the answers
we need, that is if Yamato wants any answers to begin with. This is the only
way I see us going back to the way we were. This way Yamato will actually talk
to me again.

As I neared the spot Yamato and I normally met, I was pulled out of
my thoughts by the sound of gasping moans. I looked around automatically to
find the source so that I could avoid it and was shocked to find that the
sounds came from the boy Yamato currently had pinned beneath him in the very
spot we were supposed to be meeting. I so fucking knew this was a bad idea. I
felt like I had been punched in the stomach. This was worse than Yamato�s
sudden announcement about Karen, this was so much worse. I wanted to cry.

I turned to walk away before becoming overcome by a wave of rage. I
had taken so much abuse from Yamato this past year, never once lifting a finger
to defend myself, not until he hurt me so much that I had to. But this was
something that I could not just take lying down. He could fuck whoever he
wanted to, but I�d be damned if he got so callous as to start throwing that
shit in my face when he asked me to meet him.

�What the fuck to you think you are doing Ishida Yamato!� I yelled
enraged as I turned back to face them. Yamato abruptly pulled away from the boy
startled eyes finding mine before he stood up to greet me. His friend followed
his cue and picked himself up straightening his clothes.

�Oh, hey baby,� he smiled once recognition broke through his
momentary shock. The nerve of this bastard.

�I asked you a question, Ishida,� I growled.

Yamato raised an eyebrow in response, �Honestly, Tai-chan, what did
it look like I was doing?�

�I�m being serious, you asshole,� I seethed. �How dare you ask me
to come meet you when you knew damn well what you would be doing when I got here.�
I was so beyond pissed. I have seriously reached my breaking point. All traces
of amusement vanished from Yamato�s face.

�Um�.I didn�t know he had a boyfriend,� the boy he was with
whispered in the ensuing silence and Yamato and I turned startled eyes on him
having completely forgotten that he was there.

�I�m not his fucking boyfriend!� I yelled enraged. The boy threw me
a confused look before turning to Yamato for answers.

�Why is he so angry if he isn�t your boyfriend?� he asked Yamato in
confusion.

�That isn�t any of your business,� Yamato snapped and the boy
started at his harsh tone. �I think you should go; things obviously aren�t
going to be progressing the way you thought they were,� he nodded slowly in
response and turned to leave, but not before apologizing to me once again. Once
he was out of sight Yamato turned to me sighing, �What is your problem, Tai?�

�My problem?� I laughed. �Tell me Yamato, why is it that you always
assume that I�m the one with the problem?�

�I don�t know, it might have something to do with your screaming at
me, Taichi,� he growled.

�I�m tired of this shit. I�m tired of you Yamato; I�m tired of
everything you do to me. I�m not putting up with any of it anymore.�

�What?� Yamato asked confusion clear in his voice.

�Why are you confused? You couldn�t possibly have thought that I
would put up with this shit forever. Or did you?� I asked giving a
self-depreciating laugh. �I wouldn�t put it past you.�

�Tai�?�

�You asked me to meet you here; I wasn�t going to come by the park
at all today. You could have fooled around with that boy all day in this exact
spot and I wouldn�t have cared, but that isn�t what happened. You asked me to
come; you wanted me to find you like that with someone else. The question is
why. So, tell me Yamato, why would you be so deliberately hurtful?�

�It�s not like you�ve never seen me with other people, Taichi,� he
snapped. �Why the hell are you getting so angry over this?�

�Maybe because you�ve never been disrespectful enough to do
something like this before,� I seethed. �If you want to fuck other people, you
will. I obviously can�t stop you. But I will not tolerate your deliberate
displays when you ask me to meet you anywhere. I refuse to accept such
disrespect from you.�

�It�s funny that you feel this way when you have showed me the same
disrespect on numerous occasions.� Honestly, I was shocked at this response. I
didn�t know how to respond for a couple of seconds.

�What the fuck are you talking about?�

�You and Daisuke--�

�Have never done a damn thing in front of you! Besides, I�m not
even seeing him anymore.�

�No, you haven�t, but you fool around in places I�m sure to find
you.� I merely raised an eyebrow at him shaking my head. �I saw you last week
you know,� he growled. �Saw him touching you, kissing you�..that bastard,� he
looked extremely pissed.

�Saw us where?� I asked immediately suspicious. Yamato refused to
answer. �I asked you a question, Yamato. If you�re going to accuse me of
disrespecting you, you better have a hell of a lot more to back up your
statement than jealousy.�

�I�m not jealous!� he yelled. �I saw that fucker touching you in
the janitor�s closet.�

�Were you spying on me?� I asked immediately enraged.

�No, you know I wouldn�t invade your privacy like that,� I raised
an eyebrow at that. �I�m not interested in seeing you with other people Taichi,
I wouldn�t search you out to do so,� he said seriously.

�Then what the hell were you doing in the janitor�s closet?�

He sighed heavily before answering. �I was with someone else when I
was there. We were going in and I saw you, you guys forgot to lock the door,�
he said running a hand through his hair. �I locked the door for you guys and
left.�

�So that�s why you did this�?� I asked comprehension dawning. �You
deliberately set this up to hurt me the way I hurt you?� Yamato looked away
from me refusing to respond. �You�re a fucking moron. You walking in on me was
an accident, I didn�t want to hurt you while I was with Daisuke. What you did
is completely different. And while you may have been hurt when you saw us, it
doesn�t give you a legitimate excuse to do this.� Yamato glared.

�I don�t like seeing you with other people,� he growled. �You�re
only supposed to be with me.�

�Why be so possessive of me when you�re obviously not willing to
commit to me?� I asked steadily.

�I told you, you will always be mine, Taichi. No one can take you
from me.�

�Just shut up. You aren�t saying anything to explain why you�re
acting the way you are and telling me that you�re doing it because you want to
isn�t going to cut it anymore.� I growled. �You�re supposed to be my best
friend Yamato, but I can honestly say at this point in my life, that no one has
ever hurt me more than you. Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you even
care? I don�t even know if you do anymore; you always seem to go out of your
way to do whatever you can to hurt me. That�s not how my best friend is
supposed to act. I don�t even know how to feel about you anymore, Yamato,� I
was so fed up with him and everything I let him do to me.

�Of course I care, Taichi,� Yamato screamed angrily. �I�m not doing
any of this on purpose, it just happens.�

�So you mean to tell me that dating, Karen was an accident? That
using me was an accident? That your practically fucking that guy in the exact
place you were supposed to be meeting me was an accident?�

�I get your point, Taichi,� he growled. �But you can�t complain
about my being with other people because you are just as guilty as me.�

�That is just during this past month, before it was all you. Don�t
try to make it seem like something it�s not. I figured if you were doing it,
why not me? You had Karen, I didn�t have anybody and I wasn�t going to wait
around for you like a helpless little fuck toy.�

�You could have been with someone else sooner; the only one
stopping you was you.�

�No the only one stopping me was you, Yamato. Do you not remember
the way you reacted when you saw me in the hallway with, Tsukishiro? The same
day you hooked up with Karen no less. But I�m the only one stopping me. You
spend so much time threatening me and trying to make me jealous when you really
don�t have to do any of that. I would be with you Yamato, if you only wanted to
be with me, but you don�t and I�m tired of your shit. Just figure out what you
want to do.�

�Tsukishiro had no right to touch you. That bastard,� he seethed. I
just shook my head and started to walk away, I needed to clear my head and
think about this. I mean really think about it, I hadn�t actually sat down and
thought about everything in a while. It couldn�t hurt to try to put it all into
perspective again could it?

I had barely taken five steps before Yamato�s hand wrapped around
my wrist. �Where the hell do you think you�re going?�

�You don�t actually think I�m going out with you after all of this,
do you?� I asked incredulously.

�No,� he sighed. �I just don�t want you out wandering the streets alone.
Promise me you�ll be safe?� he asked brushing a strand of hair out of my face.
I felt tears sting my eyes. It had been so long since I�ve been able to
recognize my best friend. I pulled Yamato into a hug promising him that I�d be
safe before pulling away and leaving him in the park. We both had a lot of
thinking to do.

I wandered around for a couple of hours before I ended up at that
caf� I went to with Yue. I went in and ordered a cup of coffee before settling
down in a booth to do some thinking. I sat in that caf� for maybe two hours
drinking coffee and smoking these fucking cigarettes thinking about all the
shit that has happened between me and Yamato the past year. But that was hard
for me to do for any real length of time because I just couldn�t get the image
of Yamato towering over that boy out of my head. Seeing that hurt me so badly,
it was a physical pain felt deep within my heart. I never thought that Yamato
would deliberately do something like that to me. My eyes burned and I bowed my head in an
attempt to stem the tears, but I was fighting a losing battle; I had reached my
breaking point for the day.

I cried for the first time in years pouring out all of the pain
I�ve been holding inside; my fear of losing my relationship with Yamato, my fear
of losing myself, my fear of what I could become. I just wanted everything to
go back to the way they were. Why did Yamato have to kiss me? Why did he do any
of the things he did? Why�d he have to change everything?

To be continued��

A/N: Leave your thoughts. Sorry it took so long to get this out;
hopefully this was worth the wait.
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