Odds and Ends
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Category:
Rurouni Kenshin › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
5
Views:
3,412
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Against all odds...the end
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply. Watsuki owns the RK characters but the OCs, ideas, plot and words are *mine*.
Odds and Ends
Chapter 5: Against all odds…the end
She had been the first to awake, this time. When Saitoh opened his eyes, he needed a few moments to remember what had happened, and did finally, looking around, seeing her securing her obi around her waist. The rice was already cooking in the nabe. She looked at him, and went so pale that he couldn’t miss it.
He understood only then what he had dismissed on the previous night. She thought that she had slept with a complete stranger, a man she had met a few days before. He opened his mouth to tell her the truth, and stilled, at the same moment when she turned away and took her place again near the fire. Whatever he was the one supposed to marry her or not, she didn’t know it. Whatever the marriage wasn’t official yet, it was a technicality: her word was already engaged.
“The clothes are dry,” she said, her voice faraway again. It was her voice of the first day, nothing in common with the penetrated accents of the political fanatic or the passionate one of the last night.
He didn’t answer, stood up, and tried to rationalize while he got dressed. His reaction was certainly unfair. He had had the blatant proof that she was inexperienced, and her general attitude had shown that she wasn’t the promiscuous type. His own behavior had also been highly unnatural: he didn’t usually jump on samurai women, less virgins. He didn’t free his instincts like this. He hadn’t even thought of her as his future wife, he had seen her, and what she inspired him, therefore he had no more excuses than she. Yet…
It had been special for him, he couldn’t deny the unique character of his attraction to her, and he had seen that it had been the same for her. They had been overwhelmed by something out of their control. Yet…
He wished he could fool himself into believing completely that she had surrendered because of him, because it was him. All indicated it, and yet, yet, he was too logical not to think that if it had happened with him, it could happen again…with another. She very surely hated the idea of marrying Fujita Goro, a Meiji cop, and thinking of it she hadn’t even mentioned that she wasn’t free…that might have to do with her lack of resistance, with her sleeping with him. Maybe she intended to hide it, and then to cheat on him perpetually as a revenge. He hadn’t accepted to marry, and he hadn’t insisted that it would be to a samurai woman, to see his honor repeatedly tainted.
He had also planned, if the woman revealed what Matsudaira had said, to have her going to Tokyo, and living there in his house, so that when they had sons he could supervise their education more closely, since he would be away or at the office a lot. He had even thought that he could give a chance to her, and to a relation beyond the obligatory factor of the marriage. His first impressions of Takagi Tokio had made him favor this solution. Her foolish political beliefs and the awkward actions she had confessed had made him hesitate; he didn’t marry either to find himself in trouble because of a fanatical wife. Nevertheless, since their talk had seemed to have an effect on her, he hadn’t been deterred. Yet…
Yet now, he found himself unable to trust her, and trust was a sine qua non condition. It was unfair. Even more as she was so obviously regretful and ashamed which annoyed him too, paradoxically, but he just couldn’t help. She would have to be confronted to him, so he knew, but what if he hadn’t? He would have been made of a perfect moron. She would have shut up, he would have given his word and married her, and because Matsudaira’s intervention and links with her family would have tainted the honor of everybody if he repudiated her, he would have been trapped.
He clenched his teeth. Yes, he knew, and neither would she have the choice to hide the truth of not, thus he would never be sure of what she would have done. He was responsible for it: he should have told her yesterday before anything happened, during their conversation in the afternoon. In a way, maybe it was better, since he wouldn’t be stupid enough to trust her.
He finished ordering his own clothes, and she handed him a bowl of rice. She glanced at him, casting down her eyes immediately after, regret and guilt appearing on her blushing face. He sat down and ate rapidly, he was starving; she had served herself barely a spoon of rice and she was nitpicking it, reluctantly. That made him doubt again, he *was* unfair…Damn, he just couldn’t think rationally anymore, and he hated not to be in control. Going out of here would help. He stood up again, indicating her that he had decided that it was time to leave.
“Can you walk?” he asked, aloof, noticing her uncomfortable stance as she rolled the futon and reordered, rather uselessly, the place.
She bolted, stared blankly at him before she bent her head and nodded. She seemed to get a grip, though; she cleared her voice, and said calmly: “Yes.”
“Fine, let’s go.”
Both their gazes fell on his coat.
“There is no wind and the sun is shining,” she spoke, rapidly, dismissively, “so your coat will be enough to protect your wound, you’ll probably even get hot while walking…So, let’s go.”
In other words, she said that her kimono was enough for her. She went to open the shoji, saving him from having to ponder on yet another annoying issue. If she had presumed of her strength and got weak, he would see in time.
***
Tokio had never felt that awful in her whole life.
Physically, she was a mess. She used to like to walk outside in winter, when the sun was shining. Her family used to make some ballads, from time to time, when her father wanted to hunt or her mother to find rare flowers blossoming through the snow. But today, it was exhausting, she was so sore that each step was an obstacle to overcome, and the snow asking for deeper strides was awakening that pain in her lower region. She had said that she could walk, but she hadn’t been absolutely honest with…
She still didn’t know his real name, and the thought struck her at the same time that she found laughable the “not absolutely honest” idea.
She was everything but honest. She was a shame. She had…given herself to a man she had known for a few days, or more exactly a man that she knew nothing of. She had no excuse. She had betrayed her honor, and considering who had been involved in her marriage arrangement, she had betrayed her family and Matsudaira’s too. Yes, she wasn’t *technically* married to Fujita Goro, but honor didn’t rely on technicalities.
She had slept with a stranger, and it had been wonderful. It had hurt, and still her body paid it, but she had enjoyed every moment of it, and if she bitterly regretted the circumstances and consequences, she couldn’t regret the fact, the way he had touched her and how she had felt. She had wanted it to happen, she had been attracted to him, and had wished so much that she could escape her marriage, or at least that her first time would be with a man she wanted…yet, it hadn’t weighted on her actions, not consciously. Once she had caught him looking at her, she had been unable to gather a thought; she had forgotten everything but him and what he was doing to her. Only desire had counted, overwhelming her. She had forgotten her principles. She was worse than a prostitute; she had no shame.
She was even, to make things even viler on her part, trying to find excuses to herself, because it had been so special, it had been as if never she were to feel like this for another, and still now she couldn’t help the thought. She was 24, never had it happened to her, and it wasn’t for lack of men who have tried, thus she just knew that it was him. Yet…how could she be so sure? She had had no experience. She was indulging herself again. She was trying to justify her…lust, and her incapacity to resist it, probably because she was scared.
She had never intended to be loyal to Fujita. She had intended to use him, to help the Shinsengumi survivors to keep on hiding from the Meiji oppressors’ wrath, and for their crusade against corruption in Aizu. They were political enemies, and the end justified the means. Yet, it had never come to her mind to betray him like *this*. Now…she wouldn’t stand him touching her, even more since she knew how it should feel, and although she had had the intention to support it as it was her duty to, and to be of course faithful…she wasn’t sure that she would be able to. Revolt ran through her at the idea that she could succumb to the first man around, yet it *was* a possibility, she couldn’t deny it, and if this man, “Yamaguchi”, stayed in the region, she would be his whenever he wanted…
She resisted the urge to stop in her path, almost stumbling in the snow, exhausted after their two hours of progression. Of course, he wouldn’t want her, anyway, he had honor and probably thought the least of her…nothing that she didn’t deserve. She tried to divert her mind on other subjects, but it gave her no comfort; since their conversation yesterday afternoon, she wasn’t sure of anything anymore, hence she ended up re-hashing the problem over and over again.
They had walked for again another hour, and she was truly about to faint when he suddenly stopped.
“I asked you if you could walk,” he said, sounding annoyed, and with a shrug, he went to lean on a tree, facing the top of the mountain, indicating that they were taking a pause.
She didn’t protest of her strength and she went to installed herself on another tree, facing the opposite direction, trying to get her breathing down to regular. She was grateful for the break and it would have been stupid to pretend that she could go on. Her legs were trembling and sorer, and her side hurting. She was yet a little reassured. He had been still distant, but had least he had talked to her, and finally his attitude was thoughtful; he had seemed such in a hurry to go back to Aizu, before. He was honorable and he…
Another reason for his annoyance finally imposed to her self-centered mind. He couldn’t be blaming himself, could he? He didn’t seem the type, but he obviously still believed in the old principles, and thus, he might think that he had a kind of debt towards her or her parents.
Maybe, maybe not…she had anyway to find a way out of all this. She rested her head on the tree’s trunk, her feet numbing as she stood immobile in the snow, the light air of the mountains bringing the smell of his cigarette to her nose, and closing her eyes, she tried to think of something.
***
Saitoh had lit his last cigarette, watching the white peak detaching from the deep blue sky, savoring the smoke. He deduced from the position of the sun that it might be 10 or 11 in the morning. They had awoken later than he had intended, and since he had noticed immediately that she had lied about her state, he had, stupidly, walked a bit slower than usual. She didn’t complain, and somewhere, he had wanted to teach her a lesson and to learn her limits. It wasn’t the only reason. He was resentful, and making her pay like this was quite petty, but the realization of his behavior just made him resent her more. Yet, he had finally caved in, and decided to take a pause, because she hadn’t complained and he wanted her to rest…Since *when* did he behave like a total moron, and let his personal feelings dictate his conduct? Since when couldn’t he decide on his state of mind?
Infuriating, and yet, he felt somehow sheepish.
“About last night…”
Her voice came from behind him, determined and calm. He didn’t answer.
“I will tell no one about you…”
She had a gift to provoke contradicting reactions in him. It was loyal to him as a person, but it was disloyal to him as a husband. Well, that was his fault too, fine.
“I’ll explain you in details if you want…because there is someone that I will have to tell about what happened. Probably, this person isn’t honorable, so that will make no difference…”
“And if the person is?” he let out, before he could stop himself.
“I will take my responsibilities…but I promise that I won’t say a word about you. The reason why I tell you this…we can’t arrive in town together, or then you’ll be the first one to be suspected, in case things turn unlike I think. I will indicate you another way, a bit longer than this road, just in case.”
“Let me guess. You’re engaged, obviously you don’t think much of it, and I was a way for you to avoid the marriage?”
The way she had explained things was leaving only this interpretation anyway.
“No!” she snapped, before her voice rose again, hesitantly: “Yes…maybe, but it wasn’t like this, I didn’t intend to…and anyway, as I told you, it won’t change the situation.”
He took a long drag of his cigarette. She was telling the truth, and she would tell the truth, regardless of the consequences. She would be the one in trouble, and she accepted to be. Now he knew what he needed to; she had no reason to lie when she believed that he was a stranger. Maybe getting his information like this was twisted, yet it was his ways, and after all these years he wouldn’t change it. He had had a reason to shut up, yet now he had none, and hence he would reveal his identity to her.
“Moron,” he sighed. “I would not escape. Nevertheless it won’t be nec…”
Some calls interrupted him, and peeking briefly from behind the tree, he saw a group of men coming out of the forest, a few meters down.
“Stay hidden, I know them” she breathed, and she then walked away.
“Here!” she shouted.
“Takagi-san!” yelled the leader of the troop, progressing rapidly.
Saitoh frowned. This voice wasn’t unknown to him. As the man congratulated Tokio for being still alive and that they exchanged incoherent pieces of information, while the others were giving her some hot tea and wrapping her in heavy blankets, he recognized it. Imaoka.
***
“How did you find me?” Tokio finally asked, intelligibly enough.
“We knew that you were in trouble when we had the letter, with the sign telling us not to come. We decided to go to talk to your brother. He had just had word of your kidnapping from your father. As soon as we talked of Mitani…” Okada-san went on.
“You didn’t! You know that half of them are his accomplices!”
“Takagi-san, calm down, this isn’t good for you right now to get stressed. Your brother told us that he had been working since several months ago on Mitani’s reappearance and on his link with Abe, the second of the police Captain. He was even waiting for a cop from Tokyo, a Fujita Goro, specialized in corruption, to get rid of them…Takagi-san? You’re so pale…”
“I’m fine,” she said, weakly. Maybe she was too tired, indeed, and her ears played tricks on her. Okada-san was talking too much, all the time, eating half of the syllables, and probably she had misunderstood.
“We’ll carry you on the way back. Anyway, Abe was in the village on the other side of the valley, and just before the storm your brother also had word about a robbery there…he sent a troop this morning at dawn to arrest Abe, and another one to the appointment with Mitani outside Aizu, to free you; but we suspected that you would try to escape, and since you had mentioned the cabin not so far from here, several times, we hoped that maybe, you were there…What a relief, we feared that you were surprised by the storm.”
“I was, in a way…Mitani is dead,” Tokio announced, absent-mindedly, still processing the information.
“What happ…”
The sudden, baffled silence tore her out of her self-loathing, and the slight cracking of the snow told her that *he* had gone out of hiding. The situation was going from bad to worse. Was he unconscious or that stupid?
“Long time, no see, Imaoka,” he smirked.
That was the old name of Okada-san, she reminded. So she was right, he had known them, but obviously they had no idea that he would come.
“Saitoh-sensei,” the men gasped in unison.
***
“How much advance do the other troops have? Those after this Abe?”
Saitoh noticed with satisfaction that Imaoka recovered faster than the others. He had known that some of his men had survived the battle and he had let them go their way, knowing that Matsudaira had taken care of the ones that he had found before the government. But if he had known about Imaoka, he would have gotten him enrolled into the police forces, discreetly. He had been a good second, in spite of his blabbermouth, and in his unit since the early days of the Shinsengumi.
“One hour, probably, Saitoh-sensei.”
Saitoh would have never imagined that anybody would care whether he was alive or not. He hadn’t cared about being well-liked, but about being respected and obeyed. Yet, he couldn’t say that he wasn’t experiencing some satisfaction at the obvious joy in Imaoka’s tone. It was like in the old times, when they fought together, familiar feeling sweeping through him and his former second. Yet…
“Let’s go.”
“Saitoh-sensei…the police is there,” Imaoka dared, after a moment of silence. “Takagi Morinosuke was in the Byakko unit, and might remember your face…”
The Miburo contained a smirk, how weird the way old reflexes came back easily. He could see that Imaoka expected a “moron” for assuming that Saitoh didn’t listen or pay enough attention to the conversation.
“You two,” he said to the men the closest to Tokio. “You’ll escort Takagi-san back to her home. The others, you come with me, and as for the police forces, call me Fujita Goro and it should be fine.”
That caused a vague murmur in the ranks, and he got a look at Tokio’s face, now whiter than the snow. They would have to talk, but for now he wanted to assure the completion of the investigation. As for her, it was probably a miracle that she didn’t pass out at the revelation. His state of relative fatigue and the uncomfortable conditions of living in the cabin just enhanced the impression to be back in the old times; he was full of energy, and impatient to go. Thankfully, he was obeyed, the men must have been in the same situation.
While Tokio was taken away, carried by the two ex-Shinsengumi men, and that they began to walk towards the valley, he asked:
“By the way, Imaoka, while we’re on the way, I’d like to hear about this little conspiracy of yours…”
***
Night had fallen already. The main room of the Takagis’ house was warm, and on the table with the kodatsu, the meal that her mother had prepared just for her, with a red miso shiru and 15 different sorts of okazu, was waiting for Tokio.
She had just taken her second bath of the day, the first one having been just after she was back, but she had been too tired to really appreciate it. Then she had slept until the end of the afternoon. She was now clean, her hair half-dried, in her silken interior kimono with the matching jacket. But she didn’t appreciate the moment, and her stomach was churning too much for her to even think of eating. On the other hand, there was a flask of sake, just warm, and this she wanted to have.
She had been played, mocked, manipulated. She was too furious for words.
She drank the first cup straight, welcoming the burning in her throat.
She had been, no, she was a fool.
She couldn’t believe what she had seen and heard in the morning, or rather, she couldn’t believe anything that had happened those last few days. When she had woken up earlier, she had wanted to believe that it was a kind of nightmare, unfortunately, it wasn’t.
Thankfully she was alone: she would have been unable to put on a face. She wanted to kill him, whoever he was in reality. She couldn’t believe that he had said nothing to her, not even this morning, when she must have been as easy to read as an open book. He had let her squirm in anguish, the unspeakable…she didn’t have words for him either.
He couldn’t be all that he had said, she had thought in the morning. When she had arrived in Aizu, she was quite sure that her second state since dawn had made her misunderstand or invent the conversation with Okada. But no, it was true.
And now, he was a hero. The two men that he had charged to bring her home had *indeed* misunderstood the situation. Her mother had rushed out of the house, she had been through hell with fear, and Tokio had just needed to hold her, as much to reassure her as to feel that something was certain in that madness. Even her father, who had come to welcome her with more restraint, had let shown how shaken he had been. As he had thanked the rescuers, they had quickly “established” that the laurels must be going to Fujita Goro, a cop who had rescued her from both her kidnappers and the storm. She had been too dulled to rectify their wrong guesses, and now *both* her parents were not only accepting, but overjoyed at the idea of her marriage.
She had escaped alone, and she hadn’t needed him to survive the snow. *She* had saved him, for speaking out loud, but she had been unable to utter a word, still dumbstruck. When she had intended to do so, after her nap…
Her brother had come into her room, telling her that they had arrested Mitani’s accomplices. She had wanted to give him the cold shoulder, and she couldn’t either, because of *him* and of what he had made her see. She couldn’t be really sorry, though. She had been wrong on Goro-chan, and when she had told him so, using his old nickname, they had finally reconciled. He also knew about what she had done with the survivors, and she had feared that they would be arrested, but he had said that they would let it pass; he considered that it had been justified. He had even proposed that those who wanted entered the police forces. Okada and another had accepted. He had joked that she would make a rather good cop, too, in spite of Abe finally suspecting her and setting that trap for Mitani to accomplish his revenge, but that unfortunately women weren’t accepted. She could see that even though he was annoyed at her initiative, he was also quite proud of her.
Then her mother had come in, she had also reconciled with Morinosuke, and tonight, she and her father would dine at his place, with his wife, whom she hadn’t met yet…and with Fujita Goro/Saitoh Hajime. Tokio didn’t want to refuse, for fear that her brother would think that she was still holding a grudge, but they had all assumed that she might be too tired…excuse on which she had jumped.
She had wanted to tell the truth about at least the circumstances of her encounter with her future husband, only to learn that he had already. Tokio’s capacity to escape didn’t change at all the good opinion that her mother had about him, and she couldn’t tell anyone *why* she resented him so much, without looking either like a perfect idiot, either like a…oh, damn.
She couldn’t understand him. He had been a leader of the Shinsengumi, he was a cop, yes, what he had said about superior goals explained the change, but still, he was full of contradictions…
She had drank half of the flask, when she admitted to herself that she was *relieved*. Shouldn’t she be overjoyed, she considered bitterly. She had wished that this man were her husband, and he was…which spirit of the mountains had decided to grant her wish, and change it into a bad joke at the same time? Still, she resented him, she felt murderous, but she couldn’t hate him, not the way she hated the corrupted people dooming Aizu. It was so strange.
There were paces in the corridor, and she bolted, memory of Mitani intruding their other house floating. She didn’t need more than a silhouette to know who it was. She got paralyzed by furor, and yet found the resources not to lose her composure.
“Nice uniform,” she greeted ironically.
He was looking good in it, she mused, images of the previous night invading her mind, as the room, lit by a dim fire, and being alone with him stubbornly took her back in the cabin.
He just smirked, and sat opposite to her on the kodatsu, lighting a cigarette. Incredible how that smell had become familiar to her in so little time. She bit her lip, furious to be so impressionable, and reminded to herself what he had done to her, and no, she wouldn’t think about *that*.
“Will you throw the plates at me?” he asked, reading her thoughts.
She wanted to, oh, yes, and to slap him, and punch him, and…She sighed inwardly.
“I wish I were that prone to tantrums,” she retorted.
“I am relieved that you aren’t,” he quipped. “I have a low tolerance for them, and my superior has enough for all my acquaintances reunited.”
“You were supposed to dine at my brother’s place tonight.”
“Your parents offered me hospitality, and since I was exhausted by the last days…I excused myself early.”
He didn’t look the least exhausted and his tone was ironical. She knew from her mother he had come here while she slept already, but she hadn’t thought that he would stay at her home.
“Is there another trap that you want me to fall into? Other lies that you want me to believe?” she said, detachedly.
His smirk widened at her verbal attack, but his eyes were serious.
“I didn’t lie…I omitted a lot, yes. Nevertheless, *you* never believed me when I told you the truth, or tried to hint it to you.”
She tightened her fists, because he was right on this. She had assumed and deducted and been sure of her knowledge. He had played on her stupidity.
“You should have told me…”
“Really? I’m not sorry that I didn’t. You surely understand why I don’t give my previous identity, as for my current one…You would have let me die in the snow, or of fever, if you had thought that I was a cop. Can you deny it? ”
No. She got more unnerved. He was always right, or almost.
“This morning, at least,” she reproached bitterly.
Now, she wondered if he wasn’t about to when the others had arrived…and more as he opened his mouth to talk, yet he seemed to change his idea, and thought more before he answered.
“Yes, I should have. Yet, I had to be sure…of a certain number of things. It was a rare occasion to observe you and be sure that you would be honest. I’m quite certain that if we had met in the same circumstances, I would have seen a completely different side of you…not who you really are.”
“And it was worth manipulating me?”
“Yes,” he just answered, taking a long drag of his cigarette.
She couldn’t believe his gall, but he went on before she could give her the bottom of her thoughts.
“I don’t trust on impressions, I don’t give any credits on appearances. I have a duty to carry out, and my wife would be in position to get some information…which I am sure that you had counted on. I can’t take this kind of risks; neither did I have any intention to allow a woman unworthy of it to be responsible for my offspring and their education. When you gave me your name, I had an occasion to observe you and draw my conclusions.”
Biting answers flew to her tongue, like did he want to know what she was worth in bed too, or did he think that *she* could trust him after he deceived her like that, yet they died before she formulated them. He had talked calmly, and she had the impression that there was more behind his words, in his piercing gaze darted in hers.
The end justifies the means. Superior motive. Duty. He had his job, a crucial job, Morinosuke had alluded to it as being so, and she didn’t have such thing to sustain her resent. He had considered it more important. He wasn’t making excuses, he wasn’t even really explaining himself, yet he hinted to her the reasons, so that she understood by herself. And she did, against herself, against her resentment, which faded. She thought of what she had seen of him, his reactions, he hadn’t lied, and hence he hadn’t acted. Saitoh Hajime and Fujita Goro…
A log tumbled into the fire, the room glowed in red and then orange splattered around again, while she was making her mind. It took a long time, she could say when she finally faced him again, noticing more cigarette butts in the ashtray.
“And last night? Was it part of your plan?” she whispered, finally.
“No.”
His answer was curt, she couldn’t say whether he was offended that she thought so, or annoyed to admit that he had been carried away, maybe it was both…
She had avoided looking into his eyes while asking, and when she glanced up, she saw that he was looking at her with appreciation. It made her regret the only objection that she had found.
“You might be able to trust me, but can you expect me to trust you?”
He smirked, and lit another cigarette.
“I don’t.”
She sighed. “I see.”
Well, it was like this. Men counted, not women, and whether she trusted him or not was accessory. Maybe because he was Saitoh Hajime, maybe because of the way he had made her understanding her mistake, she was disappointed. She had expected the better after having thought of the worse. She should get more realistic, and if she was still unhappy with his silence of the previous days, she wasn’t mad anymore.
“Not yet, that is,” he added with a grin. “Trust can be gained.”
She searched his eyes, bewildered, and again, he had that gaze…she began to understand that never she would get clear words from this man. He was proud and he was demanding. She would have to deduct, to learn to understand what he meant with his enigmatic sentences. And what she understood now, is that he proposed her a new start…and to win her trust. He proposed her to respect her and not to treat her as an obedient sheep. He obviously waited for an answer…she suddenly realized that he had come for this, to establish a basis of their marriage. Her resolution solidified, and she decided to try it the way he had, to show him that she wouldn’t be plying if he didn’t. He had controlled everything until now, but she wouldn’t be off balance all the time, and he had rather know by now.
“Yes, it can be,” she let out, unable to help a half smile.
He answered to it with a satisfied smirk, she liked when he had this expression, and she couldn’t help to think that his way of handling things might be interesting, finally. For the first time in days, she felt optimistic on her future. They were both taking a bet, and probably it wouldn’t be easy to learn living with each other and build a relationship. Still, Saitoh Hajime didn’t seem to be the kind of man who lost his gambles…
***
Aizu, spring 1884.
“Tokio-san? Tokio-san, are you feeling all right?”
The worried voice called her back to reality, and she reminded that she was having tea at the clinic.
“I’m fine, I’m sorry, Megumi-san, I’m afraid I was daydreaming, how rude of me…” she confessed, not proud of herself.
Her friend made her hair flick back. “Wondering whether you will have a girl, this time?” she laughed. “Not another little wolf…”
“I’m so sorry,” Tokio repeated, eluding the question. “What were you saying about Yukishiro-san?”
“Oh, nothing important,” she shrugged. “I was musing about destiny…How Enishi and I met again, and I was saying that if we had, in less dramatic circumstances, we probably never would have ended up as we are now…”
Tokio smiled. Yes, her friend’s words had triggered the memories. She wished she could tell her that if Saitoh and she had met as it had been planned, they would have a very different relation. He used to mock that after 10 years they wouldn’t have exchanged more than a word, and she could imagine it easily. She would have stayed stubbornly on her position, and would never have had an occasion to know him or who he really was; he would have considered her as an idiot unworthy of his time and wouldn’t have made an effort to change the situation either. Yet, if she had eventually managed to get his impressions and his thoughts about their first encounter, pieces by pieces, she knew that he wouldn’t appreciate at all that she shared them with others.
“You managed against all odds…Winning each other’s trust, and falling for each other…”
“Your husband might not appreciate your sudden taste for lyrical sentences,” Megumi answered in a teasing way that Tokio knew she used to hide her embarrassment.
Maybe not, fine, certainly not, but as certainly he was familiar with this kind of stories, Tokio thought, her smile widening.
****The end****
Author’s notes:
Yes, this is in fact a side-story/prequel to my Enishi/Megumi fic, Children of the Revolution. Firuze’s choice for her blanket scenario reminded me that S/T had no background in this story and hence gave me the idea to link them (^-^).
The last scene is also part of a scene of the sequel of Children, which I hope to have the time and inspiration to complete soon (the lemon has been written for more than a year now, oops). I’m still waiting for a trigger to make the little plot satisfying enough, but this story helped me to…Probably, there will be other allusions or references to the event of “Odds and Ends” in it.
Tokio was a bit “Tsunan-ish”, don’t you think? Since I write him more, and his pairing with Megumi in Predators, Tsunan is making it to my A-list (I bug all my betas with him, poor dears) and I guess that it influenced me (^-^). About her age, I made her 24, and some of her reactions might seem too “young”, but first she has been sheltered and it’s the 19th century, and second my personal experience with political/religious fanatics showed me that they can be absolutely clueless about love, sex, and in general all that isn’t their cause (not only my experience: Jeanne D’Arc’s best friend was Gilles de Rais, to take an extreme historical example).
Angst chapter, really I have no idea on how to dose that thing, I’d better go back to the bitching of TLM, more fitting my temper. (^-^) Were Tokio and Saitoh too soft on each other? He was a bit chatty on his motives, but since he has responsibilities in the situation, in my mind he would be a bit more prone to give reasons. A big gesture for that &%#@ pita, I can’t see him doing more than this either. Same for her, her previous reactions have foreshadowed, I hope, that she usually thinks (when it isn’t about politics) and understands the concept of duty. Moreover, the marriage is unavoidable so it seemed to me that those two would be rational and try to make it work instead of entertaining unnecessary hostility.
Oh, and they married and had many children, you can see the final state of their relationship in Children of the Revolution, if the last scene wasn’t enough. I make this note because I had a rude comment about the end of Children. The readers are free to dislike the lack (or overdose in rare cases with me *cough*A/M*cough*) of sugar, of 100% closure etc. and to express it, but spare me the threats to kick my ass (LOL, sure) and stay courteous. Thanks.
I posted this story complete, because whenever I can, I like that the reader is sure to get the end :)
Thanks for reading.
Kamorgana.
Odds and Ends
Chapter 5: Against all odds…the end
She had been the first to awake, this time. When Saitoh opened his eyes, he needed a few moments to remember what had happened, and did finally, looking around, seeing her securing her obi around her waist. The rice was already cooking in the nabe. She looked at him, and went so pale that he couldn’t miss it.
He understood only then what he had dismissed on the previous night. She thought that she had slept with a complete stranger, a man she had met a few days before. He opened his mouth to tell her the truth, and stilled, at the same moment when she turned away and took her place again near the fire. Whatever he was the one supposed to marry her or not, she didn’t know it. Whatever the marriage wasn’t official yet, it was a technicality: her word was already engaged.
“The clothes are dry,” she said, her voice faraway again. It was her voice of the first day, nothing in common with the penetrated accents of the political fanatic or the passionate one of the last night.
He didn’t answer, stood up, and tried to rationalize while he got dressed. His reaction was certainly unfair. He had had the blatant proof that she was inexperienced, and her general attitude had shown that she wasn’t the promiscuous type. His own behavior had also been highly unnatural: he didn’t usually jump on samurai women, less virgins. He didn’t free his instincts like this. He hadn’t even thought of her as his future wife, he had seen her, and what she inspired him, therefore he had no more excuses than she. Yet…
It had been special for him, he couldn’t deny the unique character of his attraction to her, and he had seen that it had been the same for her. They had been overwhelmed by something out of their control. Yet…
He wished he could fool himself into believing completely that she had surrendered because of him, because it was him. All indicated it, and yet, yet, he was too logical not to think that if it had happened with him, it could happen again…with another. She very surely hated the idea of marrying Fujita Goro, a Meiji cop, and thinking of it she hadn’t even mentioned that she wasn’t free…that might have to do with her lack of resistance, with her sleeping with him. Maybe she intended to hide it, and then to cheat on him perpetually as a revenge. He hadn’t accepted to marry, and he hadn’t insisted that it would be to a samurai woman, to see his honor repeatedly tainted.
He had also planned, if the woman revealed what Matsudaira had said, to have her going to Tokyo, and living there in his house, so that when they had sons he could supervise their education more closely, since he would be away or at the office a lot. He had even thought that he could give a chance to her, and to a relation beyond the obligatory factor of the marriage. His first impressions of Takagi Tokio had made him favor this solution. Her foolish political beliefs and the awkward actions she had confessed had made him hesitate; he didn’t marry either to find himself in trouble because of a fanatical wife. Nevertheless, since their talk had seemed to have an effect on her, he hadn’t been deterred. Yet…
Yet now, he found himself unable to trust her, and trust was a sine qua non condition. It was unfair. Even more as she was so obviously regretful and ashamed which annoyed him too, paradoxically, but he just couldn’t help. She would have to be confronted to him, so he knew, but what if he hadn’t? He would have been made of a perfect moron. She would have shut up, he would have given his word and married her, and because Matsudaira’s intervention and links with her family would have tainted the honor of everybody if he repudiated her, he would have been trapped.
He clenched his teeth. Yes, he knew, and neither would she have the choice to hide the truth of not, thus he would never be sure of what she would have done. He was responsible for it: he should have told her yesterday before anything happened, during their conversation in the afternoon. In a way, maybe it was better, since he wouldn’t be stupid enough to trust her.
He finished ordering his own clothes, and she handed him a bowl of rice. She glanced at him, casting down her eyes immediately after, regret and guilt appearing on her blushing face. He sat down and ate rapidly, he was starving; she had served herself barely a spoon of rice and she was nitpicking it, reluctantly. That made him doubt again, he *was* unfair…Damn, he just couldn’t think rationally anymore, and he hated not to be in control. Going out of here would help. He stood up again, indicating her that he had decided that it was time to leave.
“Can you walk?” he asked, aloof, noticing her uncomfortable stance as she rolled the futon and reordered, rather uselessly, the place.
She bolted, stared blankly at him before she bent her head and nodded. She seemed to get a grip, though; she cleared her voice, and said calmly: “Yes.”
“Fine, let’s go.”
Both their gazes fell on his coat.
“There is no wind and the sun is shining,” she spoke, rapidly, dismissively, “so your coat will be enough to protect your wound, you’ll probably even get hot while walking…So, let’s go.”
In other words, she said that her kimono was enough for her. She went to open the shoji, saving him from having to ponder on yet another annoying issue. If she had presumed of her strength and got weak, he would see in time.
***
Tokio had never felt that awful in her whole life.
Physically, she was a mess. She used to like to walk outside in winter, when the sun was shining. Her family used to make some ballads, from time to time, when her father wanted to hunt or her mother to find rare flowers blossoming through the snow. But today, it was exhausting, she was so sore that each step was an obstacle to overcome, and the snow asking for deeper strides was awakening that pain in her lower region. She had said that she could walk, but she hadn’t been absolutely honest with…
She still didn’t know his real name, and the thought struck her at the same time that she found laughable the “not absolutely honest” idea.
She was everything but honest. She was a shame. She had…given herself to a man she had known for a few days, or more exactly a man that she knew nothing of. She had no excuse. She had betrayed her honor, and considering who had been involved in her marriage arrangement, she had betrayed her family and Matsudaira’s too. Yes, she wasn’t *technically* married to Fujita Goro, but honor didn’t rely on technicalities.
She had slept with a stranger, and it had been wonderful. It had hurt, and still her body paid it, but she had enjoyed every moment of it, and if she bitterly regretted the circumstances and consequences, she couldn’t regret the fact, the way he had touched her and how she had felt. She had wanted it to happen, she had been attracted to him, and had wished so much that she could escape her marriage, or at least that her first time would be with a man she wanted…yet, it hadn’t weighted on her actions, not consciously. Once she had caught him looking at her, she had been unable to gather a thought; she had forgotten everything but him and what he was doing to her. Only desire had counted, overwhelming her. She had forgotten her principles. She was worse than a prostitute; she had no shame.
She was even, to make things even viler on her part, trying to find excuses to herself, because it had been so special, it had been as if never she were to feel like this for another, and still now she couldn’t help the thought. She was 24, never had it happened to her, and it wasn’t for lack of men who have tried, thus she just knew that it was him. Yet…how could she be so sure? She had had no experience. She was indulging herself again. She was trying to justify her…lust, and her incapacity to resist it, probably because she was scared.
She had never intended to be loyal to Fujita. She had intended to use him, to help the Shinsengumi survivors to keep on hiding from the Meiji oppressors’ wrath, and for their crusade against corruption in Aizu. They were political enemies, and the end justified the means. Yet, it had never come to her mind to betray him like *this*. Now…she wouldn’t stand him touching her, even more since she knew how it should feel, and although she had had the intention to support it as it was her duty to, and to be of course faithful…she wasn’t sure that she would be able to. Revolt ran through her at the idea that she could succumb to the first man around, yet it *was* a possibility, she couldn’t deny it, and if this man, “Yamaguchi”, stayed in the region, she would be his whenever he wanted…
She resisted the urge to stop in her path, almost stumbling in the snow, exhausted after their two hours of progression. Of course, he wouldn’t want her, anyway, he had honor and probably thought the least of her…nothing that she didn’t deserve. She tried to divert her mind on other subjects, but it gave her no comfort; since their conversation yesterday afternoon, she wasn’t sure of anything anymore, hence she ended up re-hashing the problem over and over again.
They had walked for again another hour, and she was truly about to faint when he suddenly stopped.
“I asked you if you could walk,” he said, sounding annoyed, and with a shrug, he went to lean on a tree, facing the top of the mountain, indicating that they were taking a pause.
She didn’t protest of her strength and she went to installed herself on another tree, facing the opposite direction, trying to get her breathing down to regular. She was grateful for the break and it would have been stupid to pretend that she could go on. Her legs were trembling and sorer, and her side hurting. She was yet a little reassured. He had been still distant, but had least he had talked to her, and finally his attitude was thoughtful; he had seemed such in a hurry to go back to Aizu, before. He was honorable and he…
Another reason for his annoyance finally imposed to her self-centered mind. He couldn’t be blaming himself, could he? He didn’t seem the type, but he obviously still believed in the old principles, and thus, he might think that he had a kind of debt towards her or her parents.
Maybe, maybe not…she had anyway to find a way out of all this. She rested her head on the tree’s trunk, her feet numbing as she stood immobile in the snow, the light air of the mountains bringing the smell of his cigarette to her nose, and closing her eyes, she tried to think of something.
***
Saitoh had lit his last cigarette, watching the white peak detaching from the deep blue sky, savoring the smoke. He deduced from the position of the sun that it might be 10 or 11 in the morning. They had awoken later than he had intended, and since he had noticed immediately that she had lied about her state, he had, stupidly, walked a bit slower than usual. She didn’t complain, and somewhere, he had wanted to teach her a lesson and to learn her limits. It wasn’t the only reason. He was resentful, and making her pay like this was quite petty, but the realization of his behavior just made him resent her more. Yet, he had finally caved in, and decided to take a pause, because she hadn’t complained and he wanted her to rest…Since *when* did he behave like a total moron, and let his personal feelings dictate his conduct? Since when couldn’t he decide on his state of mind?
Infuriating, and yet, he felt somehow sheepish.
“About last night…”
Her voice came from behind him, determined and calm. He didn’t answer.
“I will tell no one about you…”
She had a gift to provoke contradicting reactions in him. It was loyal to him as a person, but it was disloyal to him as a husband. Well, that was his fault too, fine.
“I’ll explain you in details if you want…because there is someone that I will have to tell about what happened. Probably, this person isn’t honorable, so that will make no difference…”
“And if the person is?” he let out, before he could stop himself.
“I will take my responsibilities…but I promise that I won’t say a word about you. The reason why I tell you this…we can’t arrive in town together, or then you’ll be the first one to be suspected, in case things turn unlike I think. I will indicate you another way, a bit longer than this road, just in case.”
“Let me guess. You’re engaged, obviously you don’t think much of it, and I was a way for you to avoid the marriage?”
The way she had explained things was leaving only this interpretation anyway.
“No!” she snapped, before her voice rose again, hesitantly: “Yes…maybe, but it wasn’t like this, I didn’t intend to…and anyway, as I told you, it won’t change the situation.”
He took a long drag of his cigarette. She was telling the truth, and she would tell the truth, regardless of the consequences. She would be the one in trouble, and she accepted to be. Now he knew what he needed to; she had no reason to lie when she believed that he was a stranger. Maybe getting his information like this was twisted, yet it was his ways, and after all these years he wouldn’t change it. He had had a reason to shut up, yet now he had none, and hence he would reveal his identity to her.
“Moron,” he sighed. “I would not escape. Nevertheless it won’t be nec…”
Some calls interrupted him, and peeking briefly from behind the tree, he saw a group of men coming out of the forest, a few meters down.
“Stay hidden, I know them” she breathed, and she then walked away.
“Here!” she shouted.
“Takagi-san!” yelled the leader of the troop, progressing rapidly.
Saitoh frowned. This voice wasn’t unknown to him. As the man congratulated Tokio for being still alive and that they exchanged incoherent pieces of information, while the others were giving her some hot tea and wrapping her in heavy blankets, he recognized it. Imaoka.
***
“How did you find me?” Tokio finally asked, intelligibly enough.
“We knew that you were in trouble when we had the letter, with the sign telling us not to come. We decided to go to talk to your brother. He had just had word of your kidnapping from your father. As soon as we talked of Mitani…” Okada-san went on.
“You didn’t! You know that half of them are his accomplices!”
“Takagi-san, calm down, this isn’t good for you right now to get stressed. Your brother told us that he had been working since several months ago on Mitani’s reappearance and on his link with Abe, the second of the police Captain. He was even waiting for a cop from Tokyo, a Fujita Goro, specialized in corruption, to get rid of them…Takagi-san? You’re so pale…”
“I’m fine,” she said, weakly. Maybe she was too tired, indeed, and her ears played tricks on her. Okada-san was talking too much, all the time, eating half of the syllables, and probably she had misunderstood.
“We’ll carry you on the way back. Anyway, Abe was in the village on the other side of the valley, and just before the storm your brother also had word about a robbery there…he sent a troop this morning at dawn to arrest Abe, and another one to the appointment with Mitani outside Aizu, to free you; but we suspected that you would try to escape, and since you had mentioned the cabin not so far from here, several times, we hoped that maybe, you were there…What a relief, we feared that you were surprised by the storm.”
“I was, in a way…Mitani is dead,” Tokio announced, absent-mindedly, still processing the information.
“What happ…”
The sudden, baffled silence tore her out of her self-loathing, and the slight cracking of the snow told her that *he* had gone out of hiding. The situation was going from bad to worse. Was he unconscious or that stupid?
“Long time, no see, Imaoka,” he smirked.
That was the old name of Okada-san, she reminded. So she was right, he had known them, but obviously they had no idea that he would come.
“Saitoh-sensei,” the men gasped in unison.
***
“How much advance do the other troops have? Those after this Abe?”
Saitoh noticed with satisfaction that Imaoka recovered faster than the others. He had known that some of his men had survived the battle and he had let them go their way, knowing that Matsudaira had taken care of the ones that he had found before the government. But if he had known about Imaoka, he would have gotten him enrolled into the police forces, discreetly. He had been a good second, in spite of his blabbermouth, and in his unit since the early days of the Shinsengumi.
“One hour, probably, Saitoh-sensei.”
Saitoh would have never imagined that anybody would care whether he was alive or not. He hadn’t cared about being well-liked, but about being respected and obeyed. Yet, he couldn’t say that he wasn’t experiencing some satisfaction at the obvious joy in Imaoka’s tone. It was like in the old times, when they fought together, familiar feeling sweeping through him and his former second. Yet…
“Let’s go.”
“Saitoh-sensei…the police is there,” Imaoka dared, after a moment of silence. “Takagi Morinosuke was in the Byakko unit, and might remember your face…”
The Miburo contained a smirk, how weird the way old reflexes came back easily. He could see that Imaoka expected a “moron” for assuming that Saitoh didn’t listen or pay enough attention to the conversation.
“You two,” he said to the men the closest to Tokio. “You’ll escort Takagi-san back to her home. The others, you come with me, and as for the police forces, call me Fujita Goro and it should be fine.”
That caused a vague murmur in the ranks, and he got a look at Tokio’s face, now whiter than the snow. They would have to talk, but for now he wanted to assure the completion of the investigation. As for her, it was probably a miracle that she didn’t pass out at the revelation. His state of relative fatigue and the uncomfortable conditions of living in the cabin just enhanced the impression to be back in the old times; he was full of energy, and impatient to go. Thankfully, he was obeyed, the men must have been in the same situation.
While Tokio was taken away, carried by the two ex-Shinsengumi men, and that they began to walk towards the valley, he asked:
“By the way, Imaoka, while we’re on the way, I’d like to hear about this little conspiracy of yours…”
***
Night had fallen already. The main room of the Takagis’ house was warm, and on the table with the kodatsu, the meal that her mother had prepared just for her, with a red miso shiru and 15 different sorts of okazu, was waiting for Tokio.
She had just taken her second bath of the day, the first one having been just after she was back, but she had been too tired to really appreciate it. Then she had slept until the end of the afternoon. She was now clean, her hair half-dried, in her silken interior kimono with the matching jacket. But she didn’t appreciate the moment, and her stomach was churning too much for her to even think of eating. On the other hand, there was a flask of sake, just warm, and this she wanted to have.
She had been played, mocked, manipulated. She was too furious for words.
She drank the first cup straight, welcoming the burning in her throat.
She had been, no, she was a fool.
She couldn’t believe what she had seen and heard in the morning, or rather, she couldn’t believe anything that had happened those last few days. When she had woken up earlier, she had wanted to believe that it was a kind of nightmare, unfortunately, it wasn’t.
Thankfully she was alone: she would have been unable to put on a face. She wanted to kill him, whoever he was in reality. She couldn’t believe that he had said nothing to her, not even this morning, when she must have been as easy to read as an open book. He had let her squirm in anguish, the unspeakable…she didn’t have words for him either.
He couldn’t be all that he had said, she had thought in the morning. When she had arrived in Aizu, she was quite sure that her second state since dawn had made her misunderstand or invent the conversation with Okada. But no, it was true.
And now, he was a hero. The two men that he had charged to bring her home had *indeed* misunderstood the situation. Her mother had rushed out of the house, she had been through hell with fear, and Tokio had just needed to hold her, as much to reassure her as to feel that something was certain in that madness. Even her father, who had come to welcome her with more restraint, had let shown how shaken he had been. As he had thanked the rescuers, they had quickly “established” that the laurels must be going to Fujita Goro, a cop who had rescued her from both her kidnappers and the storm. She had been too dulled to rectify their wrong guesses, and now *both* her parents were not only accepting, but overjoyed at the idea of her marriage.
She had escaped alone, and she hadn’t needed him to survive the snow. *She* had saved him, for speaking out loud, but she had been unable to utter a word, still dumbstruck. When she had intended to do so, after her nap…
Her brother had come into her room, telling her that they had arrested Mitani’s accomplices. She had wanted to give him the cold shoulder, and she couldn’t either, because of *him* and of what he had made her see. She couldn’t be really sorry, though. She had been wrong on Goro-chan, and when she had told him so, using his old nickname, they had finally reconciled. He also knew about what she had done with the survivors, and she had feared that they would be arrested, but he had said that they would let it pass; he considered that it had been justified. He had even proposed that those who wanted entered the police forces. Okada and another had accepted. He had joked that she would make a rather good cop, too, in spite of Abe finally suspecting her and setting that trap for Mitani to accomplish his revenge, but that unfortunately women weren’t accepted. She could see that even though he was annoyed at her initiative, he was also quite proud of her.
Then her mother had come in, she had also reconciled with Morinosuke, and tonight, she and her father would dine at his place, with his wife, whom she hadn’t met yet…and with Fujita Goro/Saitoh Hajime. Tokio didn’t want to refuse, for fear that her brother would think that she was still holding a grudge, but they had all assumed that she might be too tired…excuse on which she had jumped.
She had wanted to tell the truth about at least the circumstances of her encounter with her future husband, only to learn that he had already. Tokio’s capacity to escape didn’t change at all the good opinion that her mother had about him, and she couldn’t tell anyone *why* she resented him so much, without looking either like a perfect idiot, either like a…oh, damn.
She couldn’t understand him. He had been a leader of the Shinsengumi, he was a cop, yes, what he had said about superior goals explained the change, but still, he was full of contradictions…
She had drank half of the flask, when she admitted to herself that she was *relieved*. Shouldn’t she be overjoyed, she considered bitterly. She had wished that this man were her husband, and he was…which spirit of the mountains had decided to grant her wish, and change it into a bad joke at the same time? Still, she resented him, she felt murderous, but she couldn’t hate him, not the way she hated the corrupted people dooming Aizu. It was so strange.
There were paces in the corridor, and she bolted, memory of Mitani intruding their other house floating. She didn’t need more than a silhouette to know who it was. She got paralyzed by furor, and yet found the resources not to lose her composure.
“Nice uniform,” she greeted ironically.
He was looking good in it, she mused, images of the previous night invading her mind, as the room, lit by a dim fire, and being alone with him stubbornly took her back in the cabin.
He just smirked, and sat opposite to her on the kodatsu, lighting a cigarette. Incredible how that smell had become familiar to her in so little time. She bit her lip, furious to be so impressionable, and reminded to herself what he had done to her, and no, she wouldn’t think about *that*.
“Will you throw the plates at me?” he asked, reading her thoughts.
She wanted to, oh, yes, and to slap him, and punch him, and…She sighed inwardly.
“I wish I were that prone to tantrums,” she retorted.
“I am relieved that you aren’t,” he quipped. “I have a low tolerance for them, and my superior has enough for all my acquaintances reunited.”
“You were supposed to dine at my brother’s place tonight.”
“Your parents offered me hospitality, and since I was exhausted by the last days…I excused myself early.”
He didn’t look the least exhausted and his tone was ironical. She knew from her mother he had come here while she slept already, but she hadn’t thought that he would stay at her home.
“Is there another trap that you want me to fall into? Other lies that you want me to believe?” she said, detachedly.
His smirk widened at her verbal attack, but his eyes were serious.
“I didn’t lie…I omitted a lot, yes. Nevertheless, *you* never believed me when I told you the truth, or tried to hint it to you.”
She tightened her fists, because he was right on this. She had assumed and deducted and been sure of her knowledge. He had played on her stupidity.
“You should have told me…”
“Really? I’m not sorry that I didn’t. You surely understand why I don’t give my previous identity, as for my current one…You would have let me die in the snow, or of fever, if you had thought that I was a cop. Can you deny it? ”
No. She got more unnerved. He was always right, or almost.
“This morning, at least,” she reproached bitterly.
Now, she wondered if he wasn’t about to when the others had arrived…and more as he opened his mouth to talk, yet he seemed to change his idea, and thought more before he answered.
“Yes, I should have. Yet, I had to be sure…of a certain number of things. It was a rare occasion to observe you and be sure that you would be honest. I’m quite certain that if we had met in the same circumstances, I would have seen a completely different side of you…not who you really are.”
“And it was worth manipulating me?”
“Yes,” he just answered, taking a long drag of his cigarette.
She couldn’t believe his gall, but he went on before she could give her the bottom of her thoughts.
“I don’t trust on impressions, I don’t give any credits on appearances. I have a duty to carry out, and my wife would be in position to get some information…which I am sure that you had counted on. I can’t take this kind of risks; neither did I have any intention to allow a woman unworthy of it to be responsible for my offspring and their education. When you gave me your name, I had an occasion to observe you and draw my conclusions.”
Biting answers flew to her tongue, like did he want to know what she was worth in bed too, or did he think that *she* could trust him after he deceived her like that, yet they died before she formulated them. He had talked calmly, and she had the impression that there was more behind his words, in his piercing gaze darted in hers.
The end justifies the means. Superior motive. Duty. He had his job, a crucial job, Morinosuke had alluded to it as being so, and she didn’t have such thing to sustain her resent. He had considered it more important. He wasn’t making excuses, he wasn’t even really explaining himself, yet he hinted to her the reasons, so that she understood by herself. And she did, against herself, against her resentment, which faded. She thought of what she had seen of him, his reactions, he hadn’t lied, and hence he hadn’t acted. Saitoh Hajime and Fujita Goro…
A log tumbled into the fire, the room glowed in red and then orange splattered around again, while she was making her mind. It took a long time, she could say when she finally faced him again, noticing more cigarette butts in the ashtray.
“And last night? Was it part of your plan?” she whispered, finally.
“No.”
His answer was curt, she couldn’t say whether he was offended that she thought so, or annoyed to admit that he had been carried away, maybe it was both…
She had avoided looking into his eyes while asking, and when she glanced up, she saw that he was looking at her with appreciation. It made her regret the only objection that she had found.
“You might be able to trust me, but can you expect me to trust you?”
He smirked, and lit another cigarette.
“I don’t.”
She sighed. “I see.”
Well, it was like this. Men counted, not women, and whether she trusted him or not was accessory. Maybe because he was Saitoh Hajime, maybe because of the way he had made her understanding her mistake, she was disappointed. She had expected the better after having thought of the worse. She should get more realistic, and if she was still unhappy with his silence of the previous days, she wasn’t mad anymore.
“Not yet, that is,” he added with a grin. “Trust can be gained.”
She searched his eyes, bewildered, and again, he had that gaze…she began to understand that never she would get clear words from this man. He was proud and he was demanding. She would have to deduct, to learn to understand what he meant with his enigmatic sentences. And what she understood now, is that he proposed her a new start…and to win her trust. He proposed her to respect her and not to treat her as an obedient sheep. He obviously waited for an answer…she suddenly realized that he had come for this, to establish a basis of their marriage. Her resolution solidified, and she decided to try it the way he had, to show him that she wouldn’t be plying if he didn’t. He had controlled everything until now, but she wouldn’t be off balance all the time, and he had rather know by now.
“Yes, it can be,” she let out, unable to help a half smile.
He answered to it with a satisfied smirk, she liked when he had this expression, and she couldn’t help to think that his way of handling things might be interesting, finally. For the first time in days, she felt optimistic on her future. They were both taking a bet, and probably it wouldn’t be easy to learn living with each other and build a relationship. Still, Saitoh Hajime didn’t seem to be the kind of man who lost his gambles…
***
Aizu, spring 1884.
“Tokio-san? Tokio-san, are you feeling all right?”
The worried voice called her back to reality, and she reminded that she was having tea at the clinic.
“I’m fine, I’m sorry, Megumi-san, I’m afraid I was daydreaming, how rude of me…” she confessed, not proud of herself.
Her friend made her hair flick back. “Wondering whether you will have a girl, this time?” she laughed. “Not another little wolf…”
“I’m so sorry,” Tokio repeated, eluding the question. “What were you saying about Yukishiro-san?”
“Oh, nothing important,” she shrugged. “I was musing about destiny…How Enishi and I met again, and I was saying that if we had, in less dramatic circumstances, we probably never would have ended up as we are now…”
Tokio smiled. Yes, her friend’s words had triggered the memories. She wished she could tell her that if Saitoh and she had met as it had been planned, they would have a very different relation. He used to mock that after 10 years they wouldn’t have exchanged more than a word, and she could imagine it easily. She would have stayed stubbornly on her position, and would never have had an occasion to know him or who he really was; he would have considered her as an idiot unworthy of his time and wouldn’t have made an effort to change the situation either. Yet, if she had eventually managed to get his impressions and his thoughts about their first encounter, pieces by pieces, she knew that he wouldn’t appreciate at all that she shared them with others.
“You managed against all odds…Winning each other’s trust, and falling for each other…”
“Your husband might not appreciate your sudden taste for lyrical sentences,” Megumi answered in a teasing way that Tokio knew she used to hide her embarrassment.
Maybe not, fine, certainly not, but as certainly he was familiar with this kind of stories, Tokio thought, her smile widening.
****The end****
Author’s notes:
Yes, this is in fact a side-story/prequel to my Enishi/Megumi fic, Children of the Revolution. Firuze’s choice for her blanket scenario reminded me that S/T had no background in this story and hence gave me the idea to link them (^-^).
The last scene is also part of a scene of the sequel of Children, which I hope to have the time and inspiration to complete soon (the lemon has been written for more than a year now, oops). I’m still waiting for a trigger to make the little plot satisfying enough, but this story helped me to…Probably, there will be other allusions or references to the event of “Odds and Ends” in it.
Tokio was a bit “Tsunan-ish”, don’t you think? Since I write him more, and his pairing with Megumi in Predators, Tsunan is making it to my A-list (I bug all my betas with him, poor dears) and I guess that it influenced me (^-^). About her age, I made her 24, and some of her reactions might seem too “young”, but first she has been sheltered and it’s the 19th century, and second my personal experience with political/religious fanatics showed me that they can be absolutely clueless about love, sex, and in general all that isn’t their cause (not only my experience: Jeanne D’Arc’s best friend was Gilles de Rais, to take an extreme historical example).
Angst chapter, really I have no idea on how to dose that thing, I’d better go back to the bitching of TLM, more fitting my temper. (^-^) Were Tokio and Saitoh too soft on each other? He was a bit chatty on his motives, but since he has responsibilities in the situation, in my mind he would be a bit more prone to give reasons. A big gesture for that &%#@ pita, I can’t see him doing more than this either. Same for her, her previous reactions have foreshadowed, I hope, that she usually thinks (when it isn’t about politics) and understands the concept of duty. Moreover, the marriage is unavoidable so it seemed to me that those two would be rational and try to make it work instead of entertaining unnecessary hostility.
Oh, and they married and had many children, you can see the final state of their relationship in Children of the Revolution, if the last scene wasn’t enough. I make this note because I had a rude comment about the end of Children. The readers are free to dislike the lack (or overdose in rare cases with me *cough*A/M*cough*) of sugar, of 100% closure etc. and to express it, but spare me the threats to kick my ass (LOL, sure) and stay courteous. Thanks.
I posted this story complete, because whenever I can, I like that the reader is sure to get the end :)
Thanks for reading.
Kamorgana.