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A Kiss Is Just a Kiss	By : Leesh Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 2809 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
�A Kiss Is Just a Kiss�

Chapter
Four- The Truth

By
darthelwig

��

I
do not own Saiyuki. This story is rated M. SLASH WARNING.

A
minor incident and some major flirtation stir up trouble for the boys. Sanzo/Goku. Gojyo/Hakkai. Slight Gojyo/Goku.

��..

When Hakkai returned, Gojyo
was still awake, still smoking and apparently waiting for him. He felt nervous
under the steady, unflinching gaze of his friend�s crimson eyes. He gave Gojyo
one of his tentative, uneasy smiles.

�Hakkai,� Gojyo said, rising
from his place on the bed. �I don�t have an answer for you. I�m sorry.�

Hakkai�s smile never
faltered. In fact, it became even easier
for him to maintain, as he was used to submerging his pain and hiding it with a
wall of false optimism.

�Oh, that�s alright. Please
don�t go to any trouble just for me.�

�Don�t do that,� Gojyo said,
crushing his cigarette in the ashtray by the bed.

�Don�t do what?�

�Don�t lie to me. I hate that shit, especially from you, Hakkai. I didn�t say I don�t want an answer. I�m not rejecting
you yet.�

This time Hakkai�s smile did falter, finally vanishing from his
face as he dropped all pretenses and let the brutal honesty of his emotions
come forth.

This Hakkai was one Gojyo
didn�t see very often. This was the man Hakkai was afraid of, and it was perfect that this man be present for what he was going to say.

�I don�t know what love is,
Hakkai. My past doesn�t set a very good example. How can I give you an answer
if I don�t know how to spot it? I know love is having faith in someone. You and
I� we have that. But is it love? I
don�t know.�

Gojyo gazed silently at
Hakkai for a long moment, steadying himself. Hakkai didn�t move, didn�t speak�
he just waited.

�I want to know. I never
thought it would matter. No- I convinced
myself love didn�t matter to me, but the truth is� love is all I ever really
wanted.

�So I guess the question is�
is the love I�ve been searching for right here under my nose?�

Gojyo approached Hakkai slowly,
holding Hakkai�s gaze with his own intense stare, until he was standing
directly in front of him. The air between them was charged with sexual tension,
and it made his skin tingle with awareness. He leaned in close, within easy
kissing distance, letting the feel of Hakkai�s warm breath on his skin wreak
havoc on his senses.

�Show me,� he whispered, his
lips almost brushing against Hakkai�s with every word. �Show me what love feels
like.�

Then their lips met and
Hakkai�s response was lost in a storm of passion.

��..

Sanzo walked back to the room
he was sharing with Goku and paused outside the door, one hand resting on the
rough wood.

A small sound caught his
attention, coming from the room Gojyo and Hakkai shared. He�d heard that sound
before- a few times. Things were apparently going better for them than they
were for him right now.

He was surprised to discover
he was faintly envious. They were morons, but at least they weren�t cowards, afraid to experience the
passion inherent in every living being.

And that was the painful
truth, wasn�t it? The closer he became to Goku, the more powerful his body�s
desires grew. His control of them was weakening and he was afraid.

He wasn�t prepared to face
the monkey again, but he couldn�t stay out here in the hallway all night
either. He refused to run from this again. So he entered the room and shut the
door quietly behind him.

Goku was curled up on the
bed, facing the wall. He didn�t move when Sanzo entered the room, though the
monk knew he was awake.

Sanzo removed his robes and
folded them neatly, placing them on a chair near his bed. Sandals and socks
followed soon after. He settled himself down on the bed and stared at the
ceiling, thoughts and emotions churning inside of him.

�Sanzo?� Goku said, almost whispering.

�What is it?� Sanzo asked,
voice lacking its usual sneering disdain. He didn�t have the heart to be
crueler than he�d already been that night.

�I�m sorry. Whatever I did,
however I hurt you� I�m so sorry. I
didn�t mean to.�

Sanzo knew Goku was crying.
He could hear it in his voice. But he spared Goku the embarrassment of having
those tears acknowledged.

�It�s over. Let it go.�

�I- I can�t. I love you so much.
I don�t want to hurt you. I shouldn�t have touched you. I know that. I�m just
so� so stupid, and I�m sorry.�

Goku was really crying now,
shoulders jerking and body shaking with his sobs. Sanzo sighed and sat up,
facing Goku, who still kept his body turned to the wall.

�Listen up, because I�m only
going to say this once. I overreacted earlier. It has nothing to do with
something you did wrong. You
shouldn�t blame yourself for the
actions of others.�

Goku sat up and looked at
Sanzo, face streaked with tears and eyes wide with surprise. He was sniffling
now, trying to stop his crying.

�What can I do, Sanzo? What
can I do to make this better?�

He looked so lost, sitting
there and trusting the monk to tell him what was right, and Sanzo�s heart softened the slightest bit. How could he
not trust this most innocent and guileless of creatures? Goku was completely
devoted to him. He knew that. Goku would rather die than harm one hair on his
head. If he couldn�t bring himself to trust this young man before him, who could he trust?

He wanted so much more than
he had right now. He wanted what Goku had so readily offered. He�d been so long
without a connection of any kind�.

He wanted this connection to
Goku.

�Come here,� he said, a
little gruffly, but Goku moved towards him anyway, completely trusting.

Sanzo reached up and took
Goku�s hand, pulling him gently down onto the bed. Goku sat next to him, their
bodies touching, but he didn�t move to touch the monk, who was grateful for
that. He needed to move at his own pace, adjust himself to this new set of
emotions at his own speed. He didn�t want a repeat of his earlier panic.

Sanzo ran his fingers over
Goku�s cheek, studying the feel of the monkey�s skin. He could feel the first
stirrings of desire in his gut, and he forced down the swell of fear that
accompanied it. He would not lose control,
so there was nothing to fear.

Goku sat still while Sanzo
touched him. He had never experienced anything as deeply intimate as what they
were doing right now, and it made him happy that the man he loved would allow
himself to let his guard down just a little. He wanted Sanzo to know he
wouldn�t hurt him. No, he needed
Sanzo to know that.

So he sat quietly while Sanzo
used him to explore his own feelings and conquer his own insecurities.

And eventually, Sanzo kissed
him. It was just a feather-light brush of his lips across Goku�s, but the
monkey�s heart sang with the joy of it.

And after awhile, they grew
sleepy and held each other while they dreamed.

��.

I asked for it, and did I
receive or what.

Hakkai poured everything he
had into our lovemaking. I feel like he was holding back all those other times,
like he hadn�t wanted to show me the depth of his own feelings, but not so this
night. It was� impressive.

It touched me. His emotions were so raw and open�. The idiot�s been
holding them in for way too long. I
could feel them. They washed over me like some powerful tide of raw energy. And
now I know how strong his love is� and what it looks like.

And do I see that in myself?

Yeah� I think I do.

��.

Sanzo held me all night. His
arms were around me when I woke up. It was heaven.

I thought maybe he�d still be
angry with me, but it turns out Sanzo is even more brutally honest with himself than he is with us.

He loves me. I can feel it
now, with every look he gives me and every touch he bestows.

I don�t know where this is
going, but I know it�s someplace good.

��

I will not be afraid anymore. I�ve been weakening myself by cutting
myself off from any emotion that threatened my self-control. I won�t do that
any longer. I have no need to protect myself in that way. I am strong. I will be whole if it kills me.

I can�t ignore or suppress my
feelings for the monkey any longer. To do so would risk losing him, and he�s a
part of me now, a part I won�t ever let go of again.

So to hell
with all of you. I�m following my
heart.

It�s the only path I care to
tread.

��

I am� happy.

Gojyo and I shared something
quite� special� and I feel as if a
huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Who knew love could be this free?

I know now that all of my
fears were ungrounded. Gojyo was already in love with me, he just didn�t see it
for what it was. And I understand why that is. I do. I�m just so thankful he found what he was looking for with me.

I know I must look positively
foolish. I�m absolutely glowing with
happiness and I can�t help it. I just want to laugh, to call my joy out to the
sky and all the heavens.

I am in love and it is beautiful!

I almost didn�t recognize
myself in the mirror this morning. The smile on my face was so real I couldn�t believe it was mine. Not even this whole situation with
Goku can bother me now.

After all, a kiss is just a
kiss, and we have so much more.
- 4
- 5
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A Kiss Is Just a Kiss

�A Kiss Is Just a Kiss�