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Tokio Love Monogatari	By : kamorgana Category: Rurouni Kenshin > General Views: 4092 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Disclaimer: standard disclaimers apply. RK belongs to Watsuki but the plot, ideas, OCs and text are *mine*.
Tokio Love Monogatari
Chapter 5: My sister is a Mary Sue

All of us have our cross to bear, like a curse thrown on our cradles by whatever malevolent fairy being on PMS on the day we were born. I�m trying to tell myself that I�m quite lucky, in a sense: I was spared for the first 15 years of my life. Yet, I can�t convince myself in spite of my efforts, because a very unfortunate chain of coincidences is at the origin of my personal doom. If not for a) my little brother having found funny to pierce my parents� condom provision with a needle and b) the malevolent fairy on the day when the ensuing maternal pregnancy had come to an end being not only on PMS, but drunk or blind, missing the cradle and sending the malediction on the innocent bystander that I was, my good luck could have lasted all my life. This is when I learnt that life can be unfair.
My cross to bear is my sister, but before I explain to you why she pops up in here, I should give you a (proportionally to real time) rapid overview of what happened during the six months that had followed my first night with Mr. Wolfish.
***
As you surely remember, I had planned just a nice interlude, Bed and Breakfast style, but it was before I had developed what I thought was a temporary infatuation, during the dinner. And above all, before we had sex.
Though it can be delicate to pursue a relationship with a one-night stand, it happened rather naturally, to my surprise. Saitoh seemed quite of a lone wolf and not the style to call back. I knew that he had enjoyed as much as I did, yet it is never an guarantee.
Now that I know him better, I partially explain why it was relatively easy: there is no more logical than him. All that I had to do was not calling him and he actually rang me two days after, as he had said he would. Nevertheless, I was still burning with curiosity on why he had not objected the least not only to us sleeping together on a regular basis, but to us having a full-fledged relationship. I finally popped him the question two months ago. He answered, with a bluntness that I had gotten familiar with. Saitoh isn�t the guy who will help when you want reassurance on your illusions or who will enter the codes of the men/women relations. When you know that you have put on one kilo, don�t ask him whether he thinks that your dress looks a bit tight on you. You�ll spare yourself a vexation. And don�t pout or show that you�re vexed. The only thing that you�ll spare yourself of is great sex.
He seemed bemused by my interrogation, and told me that it was because of my bad mood at the club, and my obvious hate for Sayo. He had thought that he wouldn�t be bored with me. Yes, maybe that doesn�t seem much of a compliment, but it was the first that he made to me (except during and after sex, which doesn�t count). I told you that bad actions get more pay off than good ones.
We were getting along pretty well, then, having the same sense of humor, the same likes and dislikes on many things, and finally, we were considered around as a couple, though I was very careful not to use the word myself. The easiness in which we became an item had a lot to do with my self-control on certain terminologies. Saitoh hated to be bored and I was quite sure that if he felt trapped, my Wolf would disappear in the steppes of Siberia, never to be seen again. In fact, there was only one problem in our relationship; and I should have seen it coming, because it could be summarized in one word: his goddamn work (yes, that makes three, but I�m getting slightly unnerved on the topic, so don�t be picky please).
He disappeared, sometimes for several days, not even leaving a note at the beginning, which caused one of our rare real arguments after the third time in a row. I had to lie through my teeth, pretending that it affected my plans and my own working schedule for him to stop considering it as a �tantrum�. Subsequently, I now receive a short message on my cell phone, and when I say short�it is REALLY one word: �Work�. I�m supposed to know that a) it�s him, even when there�s an airplane engine roaring behind him, making his voice difficult to identify (and Yumi had asked Enishi to make the joke on me once. She has a problem with people having sex when she doesn�t) b) he�s going away for an unknown period of time c) and for an unknown destination d) I shouldn�t try to contact him and e) I shouldn�t ask any questions on it when he�s back. As for the f) g) h) (sorry to leave so suddenly, I�ll miss you, I�ll make it up to you when I�m back), well, I could definitely accompany the chief of police in his sewers expeditions if I had hoped for this. Compromises are the key of couple life, fine, yet it doesn�t make them easy.
Especially as, in my case, I STILL DIDN�T KNOW WHAT THE GODDAMN WORK WAS!!!!!
I couldn�t understand why he didn�t tell me. It had to be illegal, but hey, a quarter of my best friends and her brother are yakuza bosses, it isn�t like I�m Sayo and am going to be all virginally offended. It isn�t like he was considering me only as a (pretty and hot) distraction, either: we exchanged views on everything, and he did listen to me, even though he found some of my opinions more amusing than realistic. Yes, he told me. He�s blunt, remember? He also told me when he found them valid, to be fair.
I had tried everything to know. I had asked Sano first (as Kama-chan, the only one easier on spilling the beans, had asked *me* what my hot and insufferable boyfriend was doing for a living). Sano had alluded to him being a kind of legend, unfortunately, Enishi interrupted us and it was clear afterwards that no mafia-related people would talk to me, except Tomoe, but she didn�t have a clue. In sheer despair, I had finally tried to get Aoshi on the subject. He had answered, at my first subtle maneuver to approach it:
�It�s some information that you don�t need.� And after a pause, he had added, with, I�m sure of it, IRONY: �I won�t tell Misao, by the way.�
It was nice, in a way, to know that Misao had enough influence on Aoshi to make him develop a sense of humor. I just would have preferred that he didn�t try it on me. It didn�t make me like him any better. Particularly as when Saitoh came back from what I would call a �mission�, the first thing he did after we had passionate wolfish sex (I have to admit that this is an advantage to his disappearances, the times just after he�s back are always memorable) was to smirk and ask:
�So you�ve been investigating on me?�
The only reason why Aoshi is still alive is that Saitoh decided to investigate on me again as a retaliation, which I can�t be sorry for.
***
So well, I had to accept the situation, and the mystery around my man. Yes, accept. James Bond kind of mysterious aura is attractive in the beginning; no girl can really deny it. But after a while, it becomes an Austin Powers kind of annoyance, especially for very curious people (which I am). I tried to see only the good side of it.
Like Yumi with Tsunan�s Che Guevara crisis, I was receiving praises for a situation that wasn�t the least my doing. After Megumi�s attitude when she and Sano had hooked up, my own behavior (i.e. still relatively available for my friends and girls� gathering, and not sending messages every two hours or so to share my golden luck) was rather appreciated. If I am honest, the first part wasn�t at all my fault: it was the goddamn work�s fault, if Saitoh and I weren�t called the Wild Wolves and didn�t stay in our apartments for 24/7 sex.
The most appreciated was that I had spent Christmas with my friends�because Saitoh had warned me that he hated stupid calendar-bound romantic fests (he hated any kind of romantic fest, as I had discovered soon). I had therefore organized a mega Christmas Party, where everybody had shown up, even him.
That will give me an occasion to tell you about the others, because the situation hasn�t changed a lot since then. Aoshi and Misao had come for a little while, her idea, for sure. He had planned something else afterwards, like a romantic getaway in the mountains (according to Misao, but of course none of us believed her), and his usual coldness didn�t hide the fact that he was more than impatient to go. Saitoh confided in me that since she was dressing up, Aoshi could barely take his hands off her most of the time, and that he was thankful to me for the entertainment. He had seemed to get that, as a revenge for Horny Fish�s silence on his activities, I advised to Misao the sexiest outfits that I could think of whenever the two of them had a public obligation (I spared his life, but I didn�t forgive him). Then my wicked Wolf called me a �little devil�; and what his eyes were promising made me want to throw everybody out on the spot. I didn�t, just to show him that I wasn�t predictable. Considering the way the evening went on, I should have.
Misao was remarkably sober on her impending wedding (I think that it was to spare Tomoe�s feelings, the poor dear didn�t seem to know about the previous 14 broken engagements), though it was the affair of the century. It would be highly publicized, because she had won the World Championship again and because of all the celebrities who would come. It was even rumored that Tsunan might reappear, but since Sayo�s brother, who was a big fan and had been the one stupid enough to ask Yumi, had ended up with his eyes almost gouged out, the rumor had died quickly. It was a mistake as Yumi was assuring the PR, but she had her reasons. Kamatari had been charged of the decoration and style, and I had received an actual mail of congratulations from my never satisfied boss when I got the exclusivity on the press rights (I just had had to ask for them, but of course I didn�t tell him). I was a tad surprised that Aoshi had agreed to this circus, since he didn�t like showy events, but it seemed that Misao�s family had insisted on it. They were a problem, according to Yumi and Kamatari, who had started the earlier preparations, the other problem being the catering company. Misao had chosen it, and we all saw troubles ahead.
For once, Coyote and Roadrunner were actually able to leave their quarrels aside while they were complaining about this and about Misao�s grandfather, subject that I encouraged them to follow, hoping that my apartment would avoid the First World War treatment. I even began to wonder whether they would bury the hatchet for good, because they had another agreement field in the terrible plague that had been striking the city: the complete lack of available men.
You have periods in time when they seem to disappear from the surface of the earth, at least, for the ones that you can sleep with. It�s a time of fear, where you don�t want to risk any separation with your partner, thinking that you might never find another. It�s a disaster even less predictable than earthquakes: you can�t guess when it starts, and you never know when it ends.
Usually it�s more difficult to find a man during winter, already. There is the love season in spring, the hot flings in summer, and in autumn, people shop for warm clothes and get items to warm their beds, too. Those who have lost in that musical chair game had better buy an electric blanket to achieve the task. Nevertheless, it isn�t impossible to find some human heat�but not that year. Since September, Tokyo had been the Gobi desert on that matter. Tomoe didn�t find any nice guy, Yumi didn�t find any sexually correct guy (she was still traumatized by Speedy Gonzales) and Kama-chan didn�t find any available gay guy (still romantic, he would be horrified at the idea of cheating, the poor dear). He was beginning to suspect a conspiracy where the aliens would have kidnapped all the single non-straights men. Yumi added that they had surely kidnapped all the pain in the ass girls, too, as Enishi was still single since his rupture with Sayo. Ah, yes, after I had placed the first layers, it had taken only a few weeks for Tomoe to get rid of the Saintly Twit (and I will categorize it as self-defense). It was before Sayo�s birthday, but it was OK: I offered the book on the Borgias to Aoshi for Christmas. He liked it (damn it).
The whole situation was why I was discreet on my own bliss, and I had even alluded to Saitoh�s absences and the frustration that they occasioned, so that they would know that I didn�t have a perfect relation. Tact was requested, I was in a UN diplomacy situation again�and I was as clueless as the venerable organization, because the conflict erupted (of course) in a territory that I thought was safe. Well, I did know that it was a potential war zone, not that it would be that devastating.
Megumi and Sano had come, too, which can seem weird considering that they had had a very glue-type relation before. It wasn�t, when you know that the Rabid Rabbits hole was shaking with conjugal arguments as often as they had had sex in the beginnings.
I must say that it�s quite difficult to name a responsible for their problems, except their different tempers. It was like wearing a spot motive skirt with a striped jacket, eating oysters in chocolate sauce, or drinking Coca Cola with Bailey�s: you love both, but they just don�t blend right together. At first, Megumi found everything in Sano �cute�, his habit to chew on a fish bone *ohohoho* his laughing his ass off at �Dumb and Dumber� *ohohoho* throwing his clothes everywhere *ohohoho* and his wondering who the hell Salman Rushdie was *ohohoho*. Now, she refuses to eat fish, bares her teeth at the mere mention of the Farelly brothers, inserts �I�m not his maid� every two sentences, and complains that she has to explain who Salman Rushdie is. She�s a bit unfair on the last one: Sano isn�t an intellectual and certainly no rocket scientist, but he has his own knowledge, and I don�t speak only about cocktails and weed. If you talk to him about left wing politics and South America, he has lots of intelligent and uncommon, right on the nail views. They were simply not interested in the same things. On Megumi�s defense, Sano didn�t make *any* efforts. He winked to her, sent her a charming smile and more if affinities, and because she had fallen for it at first, he had naively thought that it would make the problems disappear. It isn�t what you can call a mature way to make a relationship work.
They had established a routine: she was coming home, he had been up for 2 or 3 hours but had spent them watching TV, she noticed something that she had told him 100 times not to do and would reproach him with it in her delicate way, he would shrug, she would snarl, he would tell her to sod off, she would yell, he would yell too and finally storm out. They would usually make up in the morning, when he was back from work.
The real pity was that when they got along, you could see that they truly loved each other. She was smiling and softer, he looked like a high school boy still amazed at dating the prom queen. She was behaving with Sano like with Yumi: she was complaining all the time, but she would crucify anybody daring to attack or insult him. She didn�t like Saitoh, because he had nicknamed Sano �moron� (which was getting on my nerves, too, to be honest). And sometimes, when she came back from the hospital, she would burst into tears during their arguments, the real cause of her nervous state being that she had lost a patient; so, he would stop yelling, and hold her in his arms until she calmed down. Then, if he saw me or Yumi at �Sweet Revenge�, he would ask us to drop by at her place to give her friendly presence. We all wanted them to work out, but we were afraid that love wasn�t enough. Life can be unfair, and sometimes, it truly sucks.
They had started bickering as soon as they had arrived, on something like he had forgotten one of the Christmas presents. Then, after Aoshi and Misao had gone, their argument had taken a more serious twist. I think that Sano was insecure since all of Megumi�s other boyfriends had been intellectuals, like Aoshi. It had no basis: in spite of their rocky relationship, she was happy, no need to be rocket scientist to see it. I don�t know what horrors anger made them throw at each other: they had gone on the balcony, and Kamatari had pushed the volume of the stereo playing the Disney Christmas Carols CD that I had offered to him to the maximum (Saitoh still resents me for this one).
It hadn�t been a White Christmas: the temperature was above zero outside, but Megumi and Sano had sent a snowy blizzard inside. We were all pretending not to pay attention, but finally Sano stormed out, furious. Enishi ran after him, while Yumi, Tomoe, Kama-chan and I were going on the balcony to comfort Megumi, and while Saitoh destroyed my stereo with a hammer and supreme detachment. We managed pretty well, even after Enishi came back without Sano, and with the help of lots of champagne the bad trip was forgotten for the rest of the night. Yet, the next day, Enishi phoned us to say that Sano had left Megumi and gone to South America for an indefinite period of time.
Life 1- Love 0.
***
So it was the situation by the end of January. Yumi and Kama-chan were still preparing Misao�s wedding, Kama-chan and Tomoe spent every evening watching romantic movies to forget the lack of it in their lives, Tomoe and Enishi had a peaceful sibling relationship because of the abovementioned lack, Enishi and Megumi were working all the time, to replace Sano, though of course for different reasons, and it was better not to pronounce a certain continent�s name in front of Megumi and Yumi. The circle of daily winter life, and mine was perfect, until the Omen popped up into my life again.
It was 4 in the morning, and a night at �Sweet Revenge� had taken a more exciting turn, since Saitoh had shown up there after 10 days of absence. He had never been gone so long, and I was on burning charcoals. You can imagine that we went directly back to my place, and luckily, I was wearing only a Gucci dress: he ripped it off while I was trying to open the door�vaguely conscious that there was something wrong there. When the panel gave way, we stumbled inside�
�Only to stop neat and dry. It was like we had received not a bucket of ice, but a bucket of shit in our faces. It was definitely the smell lingering, with an ounce of pee and an acrid, persistent other one, and I prefer to ignore what it was. I don�t even talk about the shrieks and other awful noises.
I had to blink several times to assure that a) it was my apartment, yes, this was my Lagerfeld white leather sofa under the layer of pooh b) I wasn�t having a nightmare, and Saitoh pinching me confirmed that I was unfortunately *living* one.
My cozy, precious flat had been changed into the zoo from Hell, monkey cave section. And the monkeys had friends, I realized, as two enormous and vicious Dobermans emerged from MY ROOOOOOM!!!!! (sob) barking, drooling, and menacing us.
There is a reason why I love Saitoh: nobody can give him shit and get away with it. He grabbed me with his right arm as I had jumped on him with fear, took his gun out (yes he has one) with his left one, all this with a self-control that would have made Dirty Harry pale with envy, and was one second before shooting the Cerberuses, when *her* voice called from my room:
�Sweetie, Sugar, come here my babies!�
And the horrible monsters, reduced on the spot into adoring fluffy puppies, backed off whining pitifully. Not that it reassured me. *She* was there. How, when, and above all, whyyyyyyyyyyy????
And she appeared in front of me: my sister, Takagi Tami. Yes, as in the movie star, winner last year of awards in diverse festivals (including Cannes) and of an Oscar, who entered this year the People Magazine�s 50 Most Beautiful Persons list, and who freshly graduated from Berkeley with an environmental law degree, all this merely at 20.
�Nee-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!� she exclaimed, jumping on me, or more exactly stumbling on me since Saitoh had let me down and was passing the door, mumbling about jetlag induced hallucinations. �I missed you SOOOOO much!�
My sister is a Mary Sue, and this is my malediction.
***
Let�s be clear, I don�t *hate* my sister. I just like her better when she�s very, very far away. Yumi calls her �Mogwai�, and she is as always right on the spot. Tami looks cute and sweet, but appearances are deceitful and her Gremlin nature appears only later, with disastrous consequences.
When she was born, I was delighted. Not that I cared much about babies: I was 15 and I was more interested in how they were made, if you know what I mean. The timing seemed perfect to me and to my brother. We had just moved next to the Yukishiro�s family estate, and my parents were too busy taking pictures, videos, and cooing over Eight Wonder to pay any attention to us anymore. The neighborhood was less happy about it since Enishi and my brother (now a respectable lawyer), left without surveillance, could celebrate Halloween every single day of the year; while Tomoe and I had total latitude to get to know better the gorgeous guys working for Enishi�s father (he had already gone south, if I recall well). We had a different definition of �get to know better�, and also of gorgeous. Tomoe was in love with a hit man, Himura Kenshin, who was small, skinny and rather girlish, and for her, the pinnacle of excitement was to have long conversations with him. I had my mind, or rather my hormones, set on Sagara Souzou (yes, Sano�s older brother) one of the new recruits, and my goal was to have long non-conversations with him.
Hence I wasn�t bothered at all by the worship of my parents for the newcomer. Tami was a perfect baby, never crying, always smiling, making cute faces and charming with everybody. She was able to take the pose in front of a camera at 6 months old, but I guess that it was due to having been taken in picture, since the moment she had exited the maternal womb, more times than Cindy Crawford in her whole career. Her genius to attract attention on her equals Amadeus� for composing symphonies. She�s 20 years old and has the experience of 20 years of uninterrupted representations. The critics praising her natural acting couldn�t be any more right, except that it isn�t a second, but a first nature for her.
No, my problem wasn�t that my parents loved her too much or that I didn�t like her: it was that she loved ME. When she walked for the first time, the following year, she went directly to my room. I can�t really reproach my parents with their preference for her: they were surely prouder of filming her first real steps than with filming mine with Souzou, when Tami stumbled on us that day. Since Mogwai was given autonomy by an irresponsible Mother Nature, the house was no safe place to me anymore, and considering that my parents were after *her* all the time, you can imagine that I wasn�t really eager to have her on my tail. Is there more humiliating to a teenager than having her parents showing up everywhere she goes? They even invaded my classroom on several occasions, because Mogwai �missed me�.
When she got 2 -3 years old, Tami developed into her Gremlin state. Running into my closet and changing my clothes into shreds, because she apparently loved the noise of the tearing fabric (yep, I already was a fashion victim and still mourn the vintage clothing that they could have become). Making pulp out of my perfume and make-up with the kitchen mixer. Finding my condom provision, and almost choking on one, causing me to be grounded for the prom ball. Her only quality was that she was mute until the age of three: my parents were worried, I wasn�t. She didn�t need to speak, she communicated through smiles and quivering lips depending on what she wanted to express, and they were proposing her all she could have wanted before she could have asked. Why would have she bothered the effort? Unfortunately, she did speak, eventually, saying, or rather screaming her first word �Neeeeeeeee-saaaaaaaaaaaan� when she saw me sneaking out of my room for the aforementioned prom ball.
I was saved from permanent Hell by the new job proposed to my father, and the departure of the family for L.A., while I had to stay in Tokyo for my university degree.
I learnt the joy of independence, living in an apartment with one of their work relations� daughter, a medicine student. This is how I met Megumi, and with her Yumi, who was her neighbor since they were born, but I already told you about their long Tom and Jerry history (I heard that their neighborhood celebrated their departure�real world is no ACMEland, and things actually break). I also met Kama-chan who was in the same class as I since we both studied fashion, and of course Yumi wasn�t very happy with it, but he and I quickly became partners in crime. Tomoe had gone to Kyoto to perfect her traditional education. She was living at the Makimachi�s estate and she had taken Enishi with her. I guess that their father was interned for Tomoe had told me that he was �on a trip� (Tomoe and Enishi barely talk about him). The estate was quasi-deserted, except for a few guards, maids, and a strange homeless, whom I called Crazy Birdhouse guy and who had seemed to elect domicile there�and he still does, I see him from time to time. It would be difficult to miss him anyway: he always have bread crumbs on him to feed birds and is therefore followed permanently by a flight of pigeons. After Tomoe, her broken heart and Enishi came back two years later our little group was more or less complete. Sano had just followed his brother�s footsteps in the mafia (Souzou supervises Enishi�s business in Nagano, now, too bad. I was never under the menace of Gobi desert situations as long as he was around).
Funnily, neither Aoshi nor Misao were introduced to us by the Yukishiro. Cold Fish was the sempai of my brother and hooked up with Megumi after the graduation party that we had at our apartment, and Misao met Kama-chan dancing in a club last year. Saitoh let slip to me that Aoshi had been *very* unsatisfied at Misao�s going to live in Tokyo, that even created a little tension with Enishi, who had helped her in finding an apartment and settling. I�m sure that Cold Fish wanted to keep her in her little pond (letting her out for her competitions only) and would have taken years before deciding to date her, to flatter his narcissistic personality in the meanwhile. Tomoe pretends that he was �torn�, sure, we�re talking about Aoshi here: she should go easy on Titanic and its sea full of romantic fishes. I also suspect that giving him a little shove was the goal of Enishi�s helping Misao. He�s such a sweetheart, and that�s just the kind of things that he would do to help a female friend.
That�s the perfect transition from past to present, since Enishi was the one to solve my dilemma about Tami.
***
After a week of my sister living at my place, I was in a dangerous state of despair and frustration, because of the damn smell.
Ah, I forgot to explain the monkeys. I told you that I love animals, but my sister has for them an adoration that borders the weird. She is one of those nuts, like Brigitte Bardot, Kim Basinger or the British Royals (first horses, then dogs, and then, way after, humans), who place our hairy cousins higher on the rank of their preoccupations than human beings. She leads campaigns and goes to Africa or whatever faraway place, which is fine with me since she is rotting other people�s lives and jobs and not mine then, in favor of saving the whales-the dolphins-the bears-the pandas etc. Her most famous campaign was for the protection of white tigers, which got her several awards for her action. All she had to do was to be taken in pictures with puppies, talk about an effort.
She also breaks into (illegal or not) laboratories with other nutjobs like her, to save animals from experimentations. I have to admit that this requires more guts, though the newspapers pretend that she just has to smile and scold the villains and that they broke in tears of regrets and promise not to do it again. Honestly, I�m not sure that this Mary-Sue tale isn�t true. Think what you want: I *know* her. My brother isn�t the least happy with it: since laboratories breaks-in is her favorite past-time between two (successful) movies, his major activity during the last two years has been to deal with the legal repercussions. When he sent me a mail to complain about it, I answered by sending him the picture of a needle, with no other comment. Karmic justice rules.
I have no problems with Tami saving cute puppies and kitten from laboratories, and even with her bringing them to my place without asking me first, but NOT full grown, aggressive and not using the toilets baboons, are there any uglier creatures than those? You can�t even make correct fur coats out of them. The only thing nice that I could say about them is that they have a shaved ass, but as I told you already I don�t love animals in this way.
Parenthesis. It just struck me: Wu, Tomoe�s driver, has exactly a baboon face (Note for later, out of sheer curiosity: when Yumi is despaired enough to sleep with him, asking her whether his ass is shaved, too). End of parenthesis.
This is even worse than the incident that almost caused me to disown her, last year. She asked me for invitations to a Chanel defile, and I was surprised, she isn�t interested at all in fashion. Yeah, she does know how to dress, but unlike the journalists say, it isn�t innate. She raided my closets enough to know what tasteful clothing is, this is *my* work. She does say that I�m her model; I told you that she is a Mary-Sue, she is awfully modest. She makes impossible to resent her for a reason, which is why I resent her. But this time, I had one to be furious: she used traitorously the invitations that I got for her and her entourage to throw buckets of red paint on the models wearing gorgeous furs. That was the ultimate sacrilege. You *don�t* desecrate couture creations. It�s even worse than copying. And far from being repentant she added blasphemy to offense, calling in the infatuated media afterwards the creators using fur (meaning the Great Designers) �lacking of imagination�. Et tu, Brute.
I didn�t talk to her since then, and now she reappeared in my life because she wanted us to bond again, since �we are both adults, so the age difference doesn�t prevent us from being best friends�. Not to be a viper or anything (she would like me even more if I were an animal, and I *really* don�t need this) but I very much doubt that every other adult can live like her, meaning as if they were Minnie Mouse parading in Disneyland.
I tried, since I had nothing else to do or more exactly in hope to change the fact that I had nothing to do except living in fear of the Cerberuses and of the vicious baboons trolling my once personal cozy Eden. I came to think that Eve might have had the same problems as me, and that she had purposefully presented the apple to Adam just so that she wouldn�t have to share her place with stinky beasts anymore.
I was confused, though: one of Wu�s simian brothers had fallen in love with my �Champagne�, the Saint Laurent perfume. I had made stocks before its name had changed because of a lawsuit (yakuza have nothing on the fashion industry when it comes to vendettas). Then I could have the most original vintage Great Designer�s perfume when everybody was wearing Mugler�s Angel or Lancome�s Tresor. There is nothing that I fear more than lack of originality...with the exception of giant dogs. Anyway, I should have been furious, and I would have been completely if the ape had drunk it, but he was actually *using* it. He also had a fit when Kama-chan tried to make him spare my stocks by giving him the first bottle of his natto perfume. The baboon had good taste! I couldn�t hate him then. I was almost sorry to see him leave. Don�t say it, I *know* it�s weird.
And talking about taste in perfume and other oversensitive nostril problems, I can come back to the reason why I needed to change the situation. I had discovered that Mr. Wolfish was in fact a Mr. Sharkish: like the Jaws, his weakness was his nose. Not only he refused to come to my place *because of the smell* (and not rightfully, like Kama-chan who had had to face the wrath of an angry fashion-victim baboon. Although after having smelled the natto perfume, I have to admit that it was a clear case of self-defense.) but he also refused to have sex with me. This is the reason why:
�You still smell like monkey,� he asserted with a scowl, the first time that I went to his place.
Whatever I had scrubbed myself for two hours with delicious sweet-scented soaps in a hotel room before meeting him. It vexed me almost as much as the time when I was compared to the car.
�Well, one baboon has better taste than you, sissy,� I retorted, furious. I must add here that he had not appreciated my gift for his birthday, finding Dior�s Farenheit too �flowery� (inserts a good amount of snorts, thank you), and I had kept this on my stomach for almost three weeks. I was tired to be the one who made compromises.
�Then you should fuck him instead, what are you doing here?� he smirked disdainfully.
Of course I left slamming the door, I didn�t call him back and he insulted me again by not calling either and not groveling at my feet for his insensitivity.
Well, in a way that allowed me to stop trying the �let�s be friends� thing with my sister. I had tried to talk with Tami so that she would realize that I needed to have a sex life, and sex with Mr. Wolfish especially. I had thought that if we bonded, she would understand, but at my first attempt to talk about sex, she had laughed that we couldn�t share anything on the subject, since we had too different ways. My first horror at imagining that it was because her love for animals was indeed way beyond propriety was denied by a bigger laugh.
�Oh, Nee-san, please. No, it�s just that I can�t talk about sex, because I don�t know what it is.�
I blinked.
�You�re too drunk each time and can�t remember anything?�
�Nee-san!!! Of course not, I�m never drunk��
True, and not because she didn�t drink, she sipped her cocktails faster than pipelines aspire the Saudi oil reserves. Say it again with me: Mary-Sue.
��it�s just that I save myself for my true love. I�m a still virgin,� she spelled out, as I was staring at her with a blank face. �You know, it isn�t difficult, I just think that I need to be in love to desire a man.�
Et tu, Brute (bis).
***
She would never understand, and since I had the spat with Mr.Wolfish the next day, I found myself spending every single (in every meaning of the term) night of the following week at Sweet Revenge. For my doom to be complete, I realized that I was truly in love with Mr.Wolfish. I was hit on by a bunch of guys, the kind that you don�t go and sleep in the bathtub if they�re in your bed, and I found them bland, unappealing and supremely uninteresting. I was cursed more than the day when Tami was born: I didn�t even feel like sleeping with them to get revenge on him. Sobs.
Enishi had been busy in Kyoto during that time, and when he came back, and saw me at counter of the deserted club, he came to ask why I was looking so sad, proposing without waiting for an answer to cut the balls of the responsible. Such a sweetheart, and I cried on his shoulder about the monkeys, the Cerberuses, and Tami�s presence. I didn�t say anything about Mr.Wolfish: his transformation into a eunuch was of no interest to me (since I knew from Misao that he didn�t see anybody else, otherwise I would have had another opinion).
Enishi�s reaction was that of a knight in shining armor. He proposed to distract Tami, showing her around, and assured me that he would find a way to convince her to leave my place. I doubted that he could achieve the latter, and I was really hesitant to burden him with Mogwai. He finally convinced me, saying that I was such a good friend to Tomoe and that it was the least that he could do after I took good care of his Nee-san. In other times, I would have been vexed that he didn�t do it for my eyes only, but I was in love therefore all I felt was a sisterly gratitude. I hate being in love, damn, it takes all the fun out of life.
Tami was reluctant too. He�s a yakuza, those people are criminals, Nee-san, said the specialist of illegal breaks-in. I stressed the possibility of Enishi investing in her last �save the baboons� campaign, but Minnie Mouse wasn�t greedy. I marked points by depicting Enishi as a lonely heart abused by self-centered women, and by this I meant Sayo and co, but she understood Tomoe. I learnt that Tami had no love lost for my best friend: �you always spent time with her and not with me, Nee-san�. Yet it wasn�t enough and I had to use the ultimate weapon: do-it-for-me-please-Tami-chan. I never, ever use this recourse usually, but damn, she had to be begged to meet *Enishi* when most women would have cut their little finger, yakuza-style, to have the chance.
She went to Sweet Revenge, the next day, like Jeanne must have walked to the stake. I had planned to come and to cancel the operation if Enishi and she didn�t get along well enough, but I had an emergency at work and what I had to cancel was my presence. It turned out that my boss (the owner of the media holding which my magazine belongs to) wanted Tami and the baboons on the cover of the next issue. I refused, since baboons aren�t a good role model for women, and we spent a good part of the night exchanging spiteful e-mails. We never meet. He�s kind of agoraphobic and I saw him in picture only once.
I had no news of Tami until the following evening. Chou showed up at my place with the other bouncers of Sweet Revenge, cages and leashes, and he said that Enishi had ordered him to get the animals to Tami�s new residence. I was so happy that I refused to hear where it was, I was free! Enishi had also brought a cleaning team for me, and after 24 hours or scrubbing and redecorating, my dear apartment had no trace of the invasion left. To ensure this, I called Mr.Wolfish. Hey, he had the most sensitive nose ever: I just wanted to ensure that my place was free of any bothering smell so as to not inflict it to my other guests. Cross my heart, I intended to kick him out just to teach him.
Of course I didn�t, damn it, did I tell you that I hate being in love? But I salvaged my pride.
�Get out,� I said, as he walked towards me with a light in his eyes that I knew too well. The Hormonal Division was on the path of war at the mere view.
He raised a brow.
�Get out,� I repeated, pushing him towards the door.
He (surprisingly) complied and when he was on the threshold, I slammed the door into his face. Then I opened it again.
�Now we can do it,� I announced. I had done what I had decided to, and I had never promised myself anything beyond kicking him out *once*. My brother is a lawyer: I know that this would be sustainable in court, and if it�s good enough for the justice department, it�s good enough for me. I could plead passion crime anyway, so bite me.
�You�re crazy,� he said, but it sounded as a compliment.
Then he took me in his arms, and he asserted: �But now we�ll do things my way��
***
I don�t mind when we do things Mr.Wolfish�s way, especially as we did things his way for three days. The only drawback is that I felt I would need as much to recuperate.
We were settling naked on my bed, rolled into my new black silk sheets, drinking champagne and eating caviar. Yeah, I had had some in my fridge, in prevision of a party that I wanted to throw to baptism my new interior. No, I didn�t plan what happened, and yes I�m crossing my fingers behind my back. I was in love, OK?
I finally got the idea to check my cell phone (I couldn�t stand up and check my answering machine anyway), and saw as many messages from Tomoe as from Tami. Damn, that smelled trouble, I said to Mr. Wolfish, explaining Enishi�s plan to him.
He did his eyes twinkling wickedly stuff again, and asked me what I thought it was.
�I don�t know�I hope that Enishi isn�t in a state because of Tami, she can be so annoying��
�He is definitely in a state,� Saitoh grinned.
I grew defiant. �What do you know?�
�Obviously, what you don�t. Like, he had posters of her all around his office?�
Well, nobody is allowed in Enishi�s office, not even Tomoe�
Err�
What????
He took a good look at me, his smirk widening. �It seems that Sister Dearest didn�t know either�Before I came to your place, the moron��
That was Chou, I deduced, because Sano was still in South America. Saitoh calling everybody �moron� makes sometimes difficult to know who he�s talking about.
��joked that the brat (note: that was his nickname for Enishi) and your sister were all over each other, at the club, not five minutes after they met. Sister complex unite, I guess,� he added with a mocking laugh.
I had a hard time processing the information.
�I already knew, though. Shinomori wasn�t happy at all since the brat cancelled their conferences of the last two days to go with her to his private island near Okinawa, though well, the Weasel was all squealing that it was so romantic�� he snorted.
Oh, my.
He was taking a drag on his cigarette with evident satisfaction when the door of my apartment slammed.
�Nee-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Now we can talk about sex!!!!�
I didn�t listen to Saitoh answering dryly to Mogwai that I wouldn�t be talking about sex with her now, since I would be too busy doing it with him. I was distraught by Tomoe�s name blinking on my ringing phone�
�and by realizing *where* the zoo from Hell had been transferred.
Oops.
Author�s notes:
Christmas: it isn�t a religious celebration in Japan (only 1% of Japanese are Christians), but as Japanese companies never have too many commercial days, it has been adopted as what would be a European Valentine day, occasion for a romantic dinner and exchange of gifts for couples.
Mary Sues: wow, they�re so funny and easy to write!!! *Now* I get the hype, LOL.
History: Tokio had indeed a little brother (Morinosuke) and a little sister (Tami). I like to use them in my fics, and to pair Tami with Enishi�not only to torture Saitoh, LOL. I had several options when I first decided it (for the first version of the �Irresistible� sequel) and I can explore several of them by giving to Tami different personalities and changing the nature of the familial relations. Bear with me (^-^).
Next chapter: Modern Atrides. Tomoe and Tokio are the new Capulet-Montague. Many catfights are in prevision for Misao�s bachelorette party thanks to Tokio�s original ideas of animation.
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Tokio Love Monogatari