JUST LOSE IT

A/N: OMG! I am so sorry that this chapter took so long to write. I am also sorry for the large amount of typos in the last chapter. I have been away at Uni but then I gave it up because of reasons beyond my capacity to cope with. So at this current moment I am doing nothing…kind of a bum, but I plan to apply for art school. So anyway, here is the fifth chapter, I hope you enjoy it and please make my day and REVIEW!!!

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CHAPTER FIVE: Desperation

K arrived back in his office shaking, tears fighting to break free. But he wouldn’t let them, what had he done? What could he have possibly done to deserve this treatment?

It seemed as though God had deserted him, he certainly hadn’t done anything to stop Tohma from raping him.

But had it really been rape? After all, some part of K had enjoyed it; his body’s reactions had proven that. But he couldn’t help that could he?

It had been forced and he hadn’t wanted it. K knew that much.

K sank into the small white sofa that sat in the corner of his office. He felt weak, boneless and ever so tired. He wanted to just disappear, sink into the soft leather underneath him and stay there forever, where no one, especially not Tohma, would ever find him.

Dressing, when Tohma had left, had been a painful experience; physically painful and emotionally. He had stood, naked, in the cold white room for what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts. And then he had picked up his clothes, wincing with every step. It had been the hardest thing K had ever done, walking out of that office and pretending that everything was okay, it had been so hard.

The secretary had looked at him strangely but K had ignored her, walking past with his head held high. Amazingly, he had kept himself together through the entire journey back to his office; the only clue to his distressed mental state had been the slight shaking of his hands.

A knock at the door suddenly startled K into leaping about and inch off of the sofa. A million thoughts whirled about his head, all of them merging into ‘God I hope it’s not Tohma’.

“Come in,” K said, sitting up straight and trying to pull himself together.

The door opened smoothly and a messy red head poked in, it was Hiro.

“Are you okay?” The guitarist asked, stepping fully into the room, the door swinging shut behind him.

K smiled, feeling as if his face would crack in two. “Me? Yes I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

Denial wasn’t only a river in Egypt after all.

“Well,” Hiro began slowly. “It’s just, you were supposed to be in the practice room half an hour ago and it’s not like you to be late. Shuichi wanted to show you his new song remember?”

K groaned, the practice room, he had forgotten that completely. But then, he had a good excuse for that, not that he was going to tell Hiro what it was.

“K, seriously…I know something’s going on with…you…” Hiro trailed off, looking as uncomfortable as K felt.

So K had been right, Hiro did know, he didn’t know everything but he knew enough,
and knowing enough meant knowing too much in K’s opinion.

“You don’t know anything…I’m fine…” K stammered, tilting his head away from the other man, his hands shaking on his lap.

“I know that you and Tohma…” Hiro paused, unsure of how to proceed.

K sprang up from the sofa and stalked over to the other side of the room, staring determinedly out of the window.
“Tohma and I….Tohma and I” He repeated, seeming to find the words alien in his mouth.

“I know what was going on at the restaurant the other night,” Hiro continued softly, getting up from the sofa and making his way over to the other man, going a slowly as he possibly could. Hiro wasn’t stupid; he didn’t want to frighten K away.

K made a choked noise and rested his forearms on the window, his head hanging down in shame.

“I don’t know why Tohma was doing that in the middle of the restaurant,” Hiro said. “But I think I know that it wasn’t consensual…I mean, if it was, and I’m wrong then I’m sorry K, but even Yuki and Shuichi wouldn’t go that far in public.”

K made another strangled sound and Hiro almost reached out to him.

“But the time before that, when I saw you come out of the toilets after Tohma…you looked as if you had been crying. And your favourite gun is missing. From where I see it, nothing’s looking too good at the moment K.”

“Tohma and….I” K whispered, fighting to get something out…here was Hiro, warm, sweet and caring. Hiro actually *cared* about what was happening to his crazy blonde manager. Why couldn’t K just let go of his pride and confide in the younger man?
“Hiro…” K whispered, amazed he had gotten the other man’s name out.
Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, Hiro’s hand. K turned around and looked at the younger man.

Hiro’s brown eyes were filled with concern…and something else. K swallowed nervously,
“Tohma…” he whispered, half afraid the other man would walk in.

“Tohma’s not here.” Hiro said, before closing the distance and kissing K firmly on the lips.

K’s first instinct was to back away, this was crazy…he couldn’t kiss Hiro! He was his manager for chrissakes! But Hiro’s lips felt warm and comforting against his own and the fact that it was Hiro’s hands on his back made K feel safe. And so instead of running away K deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into the guitarist’s mouth and running his hands through the tangled red hair.

“K…” Hiro moaned, breaking away from the kiss. But K was having none of it, roughly he shoved there lips back together and spun Hiro around so that his back was pressed up against the window.

Hiro let out a slight gasp as he felt K’s mouth leave his own and begin to travel down his neck. The blonde manager’s hands began to unbutton Hiro’s shirt, sliding in and across his chest.

Warning signs began to flash in the guitarists head. K wasn’t himself…and Hiro didn’t want to go this far. All he had wanted was to comfort K, but not like this.
“K…stop.” Hiro said, his words trailing off into a moan.

K made a small noise but didn’t stop, instead his hands travelled down to Hiro’s crotch, where he began to unzip the fly on his jeans.

“No…K!” Hiro said sharply, alarms ringing in his ears.

K didn’t take any notice and Hiro began to struggle, lashing out at the taller man before him.
“K STOP!” Hiro cried, slapping the other man hard in the face.

K stumbled backwards, a look of disbelief that soon turned to self-loathing evident on his face. He stood for a moment, watching Hiro, his body trembling. And then, before Hiro could say anything further, he fled, the door of his office slamming loudly behind him.

Hiro rearranged his clothes and then left the room himself, intent of finding K before Tohma did. Or indeed, before K found Tohma.

(A/N) PLEASE REVIEW REVIE REVIEW!!! Come on, I want to know who’s reading this thing! What are you opinions??? Your reviews do matter to me people!!