Illusions of Life

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. I’m just borrowing them to see what type of hell I can put them through. I make no money doing so.


EiriXShu

NC17 but not until chapter 10 (sorry.)

If you have time, please review.

Illusions of Life

Chapter 5
Strangelove

There’ll be times
When my crimes
Will seem almost unforgivable.
I give in to sin
Because you have to make this life livable.
But when you think I’ve had enough
From your sea of love,
I’ll take more than another river full.
And I’ll make it all worthwhile
I’ll make your heart smile.

Strangelove,
Strange highs and strange lows.
Strangelove,
That’s how my love goes.

Will you give it to me?
Will you take the pain
I will give to you,
Again and again?
And will you return it?


Have I mentioned how much I loathe book tours?

As I steered my BMW around the last turn to my apartment I began to realize just how tired I was. I hardly ever sleep or eat when I’m on the road during book tours. It’s so exhausting, with my pretend smile and my pretend niceness. It takes a lot out of me. All I could think about was sitting on my couch, drinking a beer, smoking and staring at the television. I longed for it.

My stomach growled. Well, maybe I could eat something, too. I wasn’t sure what there was to eat in the house, but I could always call for delivery. Before I had left, I had made certain to stock up on beer and cigarettes. Funny how my priorities worked.

Pure relief washed over me as I pulled into my parking spot and shut off the car. I could feel myself already starting to relax. I grabbed my bag and my laptop and headed for the elevator. Briefly, I thought of my neighbor and wondered if I should visit tonight.

As I yawned, I mentally dismissed the thought. Not tonight, I was too…vulnerable.

The elevator pinged as it came to a stop and the doors slid open; I stepped into the hallway that divided my apartment from Shuichi’s. I could not help but notice the wonderful smell that greeted me. Someone was cooking somewhere in the building and it smelled like beef stew. My stomach growled. Someone was lucky tonight.

I used my key and opened my apartment door. That delectable smell enveloped me completely. The lights were on and I could hear someone singing in my kitchen.

Shuichi.

“Uh, I’m home?” I said loudly, wondering if I had stepped into the wrong apartment somehow.

“Oh!” Shuichi popped out from my kitchen to greet me. “Welcome home,” his long hair was tied back and he was wearing a loose black tank top, jeans and of all things, an apron. He smiled at my surprise, a real smile, full of mischief. “I hope you don’t mind. I had a little run in with psycho girl again, so I’ve been hiding out over here. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour if you want to shower.”

Well. He certainly had not forgotten my routine. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to make me regret leaving him. Like I didn’t already. I glared at him, trying to somehow keep the upper hand in our power struggle. “Okay. I’ll take a shower.” I walked towards the bedroom with my bag. “Dinner smells good; I hope it doesn’t disappoint me.”

“Oh, it won’t,” I could hear him laughing as I entered the bedroom.

I entered my bedroom in a hurry to quickly drop my stuff and to grab some clean clothes before I took a shower. But the simple sight I saw in the bedroom brought me to an abrupt halt and left me temporarily riveted next to the futon. The covers on the bed were still rumpled. He had slept in my bed. Almost unconsciously, I pick up the nearest pillow and inhaled deeply. Strawberries and Shuichi. His smell was in my bed.

Yeah. He was still a brat. But then, I wouldn’t have it any other way.



I took a quick shower, my stomach growling at me the whole time. I dressed in my usual black pants but had selected a burgundy colored silk shirt and left it unbuttoned. Shuichi always had a particular weakness for me when I wore the color burgundy, and after all, all’s fair…

Shuichi was just setting out the plates of food when I reappeared from my shower. It was beef stew, one of my absolute favorite foods in the world. Did he remember that? I eyed the food suspiciously and looked at the chef, “So. When did you learn how to cook?”

He was taking his silly apron off as he started to chuckle, “after you left I… I seemed to have a lot of time on my hands. At first, I spent a lot of time at the learning the “touch of death” as you call it. In fact, I spent a ridiculous amount of time doing that.”

“After that, I met this girl… She was a good friend and she helped me deal with what was happening. She’s the Strawberry Girl from the song,” he stared off with a soft smile. “Anyway, she was a chef and a pretty good one at that. She taught me how to cook.”

I stared at him, “She didn’t by any chance, teach you anything else, did she?”

He grinned at me, “Oh Eiri, please. You, of all people should know. I’m gay, remember?”

“So… what happened?”

“So… she wanted more.” He shrugged, “I couldn’t give it to her. She moved on.”

“Hn,” I ran a hand through my drying hair. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Shuichi stealing a predatory glance at me. Well what do you know? Score one for the author.

“Let’s eat!” he said as he slid onto one of the seats at the kitchen counter.

The stew was wonderful and cooked to absolute perfection. It was made in a red wine beef sauce with lots of onions and garlic. The presentation was even good. Apparently the little brat had learned a lot of tricks while I was gone.

After dinner was done, Shuichi picked up the dishes and put them near the sink. As he reached for my plate, I noticed the gauze bandage on his back peaking out from under his tank top. I grabbed his arm to stop him from moving while I reached up with my other had and pulled aside the neckline of his tank top to view the bandage. It was red at the center.

I quirked an eyebrow at him.

He looked embarrassed, “Yeah, I let my guard down, like the idiot you say I am. She managed to graze me with a knife.”

“Fuck…” I stared at the bandage and then back to his eyes. “Hospital?”

He shook his head, “Nah. She just grazed me. Too much crap to deal with if I’d gone to the hospital.”

I nodded my understanding, “But you did call the police, right?”

He jerked his arm away from me and his eyes narrowed, “You know, in spite of everything you might think, I’m not a complete moron. Of course, I called the police. Besides, I’m pretty sure I broke her arm so it was necessary that they get involved.”

“It looks like it needs to be changed,” I muttered, trying to figure out how I could help at this late date in the game. “I’ll change it for you.”

“Well, K put that one on yesterday… so it probably does need a change.” He stared at me, deciding. After a few moments he said, “Do you mind?”

I shook my head, happy and scared at the same time. I hoped I could handle it. I pointed to a chair, “Sit. I’ll get the stuff. Take your shirt off.”

When I came out of the bathroom he was already shirtless and waiting. The gauze was about eight inches by three and ran down his left shoulder blade. Carefully, I removed the gauze worried about what I would find underneath. I had to tug on it a couple of time to dislodge it from the wound, causing fresh blood to well to the surface. Shuichi hissed but did not flinch from my ministrations.

I was overwhelmed by the shear size of the wound. “It’s pretty big but it’s not deep. Does it hurt?”

“Not really. It’s more inconvenient than anything else. Think it’ll scar?”

“Maybe a little,” I said looking closely at the cut.

“Cool,” he said. I could tell he was smiling.

I cleaned the wound but in spite of the seriousness of the situation, I found I was still distracted by his nearness and his state of undress. His back was much more muscular now than I remembered, but still lean and sinewy. So tantalizingly perfect. I forced my thoughts away from that path.

As I finished, I realized he was breathing hard. Had I hurt him? Alarmed, I moved so I could see his face. His eyes were closed and he appeared to be concentrating very hard. I let my hand slide from his shoulder to brush away some random strands of hair from his eyes, “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

He opened his eyes, they were filled with tears, “Oh, Eiri…”

There he was. My Shuichi. I stroked his cheek, wrapping my other arm around him in a loose embrace, “Were you scared?”

He nodded and clung to me, his tears were warm on my bare skin.

I closed my eyes, I’d failed him again. I wasn’t there to help him when he really needed it. All I could do was hold him.

“She’s really crazy,” he sobbed.

“I see that. But you are okay now, right?” I never was very good at verbal giving comfort.

He nodded again, tears still flowing, holding me tight.

I squeezed him closer, careful of his wound, “Good.”

“Can I…” he murmured into my chest, “Can I stay here? With you? Just for a little while? I can sleep on the couch; it’ll be like old times.”

Could he stay with me? Oh gods. I gently pulled him with me as I walked towards the couch and sat down. He crawled onto my lap and I held him while he got his crying under control. We sat like that for several minutes before I tipped his head up and met his vulnerable, fragile look. How could I say “no” to that? Like I would, anyway. “You can stay,” I sighed, “but I’m warning you, I can’t be trusted.”

He rolled his teary eyes, “Well, duh. I know that when you are tired of me, you’ll disappear like you always do.”

Ouch. I guess I had that coming. “That’s not what I was referring to, but I’ll take your point.”

He snuggled into me and inhaled deeply, “Mmm, you smell good. Just like I remember. Spicy ginger and tobacco. Pure Eiri.”

Shuichi had always had very acute olfactory senses. He was easily turned on by certain brands of colognes and particular types of incense. It was quirky and cute and occasionally when we were in public, very inconvenient. But right now… I cleared my throat but my voice still sounded weak, “I can’t be trusted not to take advantage of you if you stay.”

He sat up and straddled me, sliding his arms around my neck, “Who says I don’t want to be taken advantage of? Besides, maybe I’m the one taking advantage of you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Ooh. Did I just say that out loud?

“Why Eiri,” he cooed seductively at me, “does that mean I get to be on top?”

My mouth was suddenly very dry, “And you know about that now, do you?”

“Sure,” he nodded.

I pushed him away from nuzzling my neck, “You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope,” he smiled, “do you think you are the only one who has done things differently in the last year and a half?”

I stared at him, “What are you saying?”

He placed his forehead against mine and said softly, “It’s you or no one, Eiri.”

Suddenly, I was swimming in a sea of emotion. Here was my Shuichi, my boy, in my arms again. It was all I could do to stop myself from crying. I wrapped him a crushing hug and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. He kissed back with equal passion. Before I knew it, we were tearing at what remained of each other’s clothes and falling off the couch and onto the floor.

We landed with an audible thud and I had the wind knocked out of me. He had landed on me and was laughing with unbridled glee at my inability to protect myself against his ear nibbling attack when we heard someone cough.

Shuichi was scrambling for his clothes while I looked up to see who had joined us. It was K and a furious Nakano.

“Hey, sorry,” K grinned at us, “but we did knock.”

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” I snarled while trying to keep my composure. Although truth be told, I’m sure I did not look that threatening lying on the floor mostly naked.

“You should lock your door, Eiri,” my boy smiled at me. “You never know who might barge in on you.”

I shook my head as I gathered my clothes, “A locked door didn’t stop Nakano last time.”

He cocked his head, “Last time?” He stared at me and then at Hiro, his childlike exuberance dissipating at an alarming rate, replaced by high suspicion. “When was that?”

“Right after I got back from New York.” I looked at our two intruders, “What do you want?”

“To make sure Shuichi was okay. After all, he had been stalked and stabbed recently and we were unable to contact him,” K announced with a smirk. “But I see he is safe and in capable hands.”

I glared at the American but in reality, I was worried about what the seething Nakano had on his mind.

Shuichi flopped on the couch and straightened his hair, “So why come here?”

K looked at me and Shuichi watched him closely, “We thought that since you were neighbors, Mr. Yuki might have a clue to your whereabouts. We didn’t know…”

“Didn’t know what?” he demanded.

I looked at Shuichi, his eyes had narrowed and he had that edge back, teetering on the brink of fury. My boy was gone again. I shifted my gaze to Nakano. Here it comes, I thought.

When the guitarist spoke his voice was soft and full of emotion, “We didn’t know you two were back together.”

Shuichi blinked at him several times before he burst into a round of that creepy laughter that I had come to hate, “Oh, Hiro, you really are an idiot. Who says we are back together?”

It was my turn to be surprised; although I’m pretty sure I hid it well.

“But…what… what was that?” he stammered.

“That was sex. Just because I have sex with someone doesn’t mean I have any other type of relationship with them. Yuki taught me that,” he nodded my direction, “didn’t you, Yuki?”

I jolted at his…coldness.

“In turn,” he continued with absolute and deliberate venom, “I was sure I had taught you the same lesson, Hiro.”

“Hey, brat,” I gave him the warning tone.

He jumped to his feet and I glimpsed the wild animal everyone had warned me about. He literally snarled at me, “And what would you know about it, you fuck? The first sign of trouble and you turn tail and run! At least Hiro has stayed with me and dealt with it.”

“Calm down!” I barked at him, shifting my gaze from Shuichi to Hiro and K.

As it turns out, looking away from Shuichi for that split second was a big mistake.

He leapt at me, and then he hit me with the fabled right cross. There was a ringing in my ears and the room got all fuzzy for a moment. As the floor rushed towards me, I had the ironic thought that I was very proud of him.

When I came to, I was lying on my couch with a bag of ice over my left eye. I could hear K speaking on the phone to one of his lackeys. Apparently, after so efficiently knocking me out, Shuichi had bolted from the scene and now they were hunting him like some sort of rabid dog.

I sat up and nearly passed out again.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Nakano handed me a glass of water and some aspirin.

I took both but didn’t say anything.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing, anyway?” He hissed at me, “You were supposed to help him not confuse him more.”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” I grumbled, “but I think I’m the one that’s confused.”

“Why do you say that?” K asked as he put away his phone.

I placed the ice bag on my swollen eye again, “Because he was fine. He was the irritating brat. He was laughing and crying and crawling all over me. Then you guys show up and he goes ballistic.” I winced in pain, “When did he learn to punch like that, anyway?”

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” K nodded in agreement. “He’s always been scrappy, but apparently you teased him about being a wimp one time too many. About a year before you left, he stared taking jujitsu lessons. He wanted to surprise you with it one day.”

I grunted, “Looks like he succeeded in that.”

K grinned and nodded again, “Indeed. After you left, he hired his own personal trainer. He was a freak about it for a while. He was working out with the trainer two to three hours a day for over a year. That was, when he wasn’t out raising hell. I remember this one time, he was outnumb…”

“Shut up, K!!” Hiro shouted, “Yuki, did you say he’s been crying?”

I nodded. Now that I thought about it, hadn’t Noriko said something about Shuichi not crying at that farce of a meeting we’d had? “What’s the deal about him crying? That idiot cries all the time.”

“None of us has seen him cry in about six months,” Hiro stated as that big brain of his began processing information.

Six months? I’d never seen Shuichi go longer then a week before breaking down over something stupid. It just wasn’t in his nature. Six months… just about the time I blew him off with the last phone conversation we had.

Fuck.

Nakano glared at me and said, “Six months. I can’t fucking believe it. After everything you’ve done to him, after all the pain you’ve dealt him, his life STILL revolves around you.”

“Well!!” the noisy American boomed, “I think this is good news!!”

“Maybe…” Hiro halfheartedly agreed.

I looked at K, “I think I need your help.”

TBC


Lyrics by Depeche Mode