Realities of Life

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine and I make no money from using the characters.

NC 17

Please review if you have time. Thanks.

Realities of Life


Chapter 5
Infected


Infect me with your love

I’ve got too much energy to switch off my mind
But not enough to get myself organized
My heart is heavy
My head is confused
And my aching little soul
Has started burning blue

I can’t give you up, ‘till I’ve got more than enough
So infect me with your love


In a rare display of total disregard for studio equipment, Suguru ripped off his headphones and threw them down, “Shuichi, you are not focusing! Get it together or we’ll be here for the next twenty-four hours straight! I, for one, do not look forward to spending yet another night here!”

“Cram it,” I said softly as I glared at the little control-freak. He was such a pain in the ass sometimes. Okay, all of the time.

I looked over to see Hiro watching me closely, as if I was some sort of rabid dog about to go on a Cujo-like killing spree. “What?” I snapped.

They were both driving me bat-shit. We only had one song left to do. I thought we were doing pretty good, considering that we had knocked out five others in the past two and a half weeks. I had been inspired when Eiri had reinserted himself into my life and I had written those five songs in the short span of two days. What else did they want from me?

“Maybe we should call it a day and try again tomorrow,” Hiro said, peeling off his guitar, the love of his life.

“Tomorrow!?” Suguru complained.

“Yes,” Hiro said gently, “tomorrow. We are all tired and we’ve been at it non-stop for over two weeks.” He smiled at our keyboardist, “Come on, it’s only one more song. We’ll get it.”

Suguru sighed and nodded in surrender. He began gathering up his notes and music and started packing up. It never failed. Suguru always gave into Hiro. It was actually very sweet.

My creativity had gone out the window after that stupid NG party, when the patched cracks that made up my life began to crumble apart once again. First, that crazy man, Kyo showed up and fucked with Eiri’s head. Then Eiri and that… that…

Then Eiri happened, need I say anything else?

Hiro’s hard stare caught my eyes and I returned it with a glare, “What?”

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly as he fished out a cigarette and lit up.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “it’s just… Eiri. Like always.”

He shook his head, “I don’t know why you let him do this to you.”

“One of the unexplained mysteries of life, I guess,” I said sarcastically.

Taking a drag he said, “No, Shu, I’m serious. You don’t let anyone else get away with the kind of stuff he does. Why is that?”

“I don’t… I don’t know, Hiro.” I really didn’t. “I guess he has the rare capability of turning me into a total pussy, an absolute sucker.”

Hiro shrugged, “Maybe. You sure wouldn’t have let me get away with that.”

My stomach turned. Anytime Hiro brought up our unfortunate, doomed two months together, I felt physically ill. That time in my life was definitely not my best. My sleeping with Hiro had been akin to incest to me. Even at the time, it was all I could do to go through with any actual sex…

Yuck. I involuntarily shivered with revulsion.

He paused for a moment, watching as my face slightly contorted with disgust and regret, and thankfully changed the subject, “Anyway, do you want a ride home?”

“Nah,” I answered. “I think I’ll just hang out for a little while longer. Maybe something will come to me.”

“Well, watch out. That ‘something’ might be a green-eyed demon,” he cautioned me. “And they’re almost as bad as the golden-eyed variety. Almost.”

I met Hiro’s concerned look and asked, “What’s on your mind?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I get a bad feeling about the guy. He just seems a bit too perfect.”

“Some people might say the same thing about you, Hiro.” It was true. Hiro was a rare, remarkable person, a really nice guy.

“I don’t know if I would agree with that,” he continued to give me the look. “Just be careful, okay? He may not be what he seems to be.”

“Yes, mother,” I growled. “Besides, I already have my hands full.”

“At least with Yuki you know what you’re getting into. You already know he’s a jerk. No surprises there.” He smiled at me.

“Hiro?” I said softly.

“Yeah?”

“Fuck off,” I snarled.

“See ya,” he chuckled as he exited the room.

As I watched his retreat, I marveled at how little Hiro knew Kyo. I wondered how Hiro would react if he found out that it was Kyo who was responsible for giving Ryu the Lewis Carroll books. Or, if he knew it was Kyo who “rearranged” Suguru’s notes all the time, causing pure frustration for the little monster. Or if he knew that it was Kyo who “liberated” K’s keys one day and subsequently moved my manager’s car to another location.

I was also sure that no one knew Kyo was also responsible for giving me the driving bug. He had even taught me how to drive, after a fashion. It hadn’t even been a completely horrible experience.

Kyo. He was a trickster all right. A trickster and, I suspected, a drifter as well. Maybe more like a comet, blasting through people’s lives and then on to the next adventure.

Unfortunately, that knowledge didn’t stop me, as it should have, from wanting the irresistible bastard.

A few minutes later, I wandered down the hall and into one of the many comfortable break rooms at NG Studios. I flopped into one of the overstuffed couches and considered my life, arranging my thoughts and twisting my reasoning, trying to make some sort of judgment call.

I really wasn’t mad at Eiri-the-man-whore, was I? Okay, maybe I was. But, I couldn’t really fault him, could I? He is what he is; weak and easily seduced, I knew that from the start. I would be kidding myself if I thought I could change him now. Then why… why did him being so cozy with some bimbo bug me so much?

Because he told me he had gone eighteen months without sex. And I believed him.

I’m such a gullible idiot.

I needed to decide if I wanted to continue with Eiri, and very soon. The strain was showing on both of us, but I could see Eiri’s rapid deterioration, nearing the point of breakdown. Currently, I was of two minds. Part of me wanted to sooth his aching, apologetic heart and the other part wanted to kick his sorry, pathetic ass.

Kyo entered the room and gave me a bright smile. I stared at him. I was certain that I was angry with Kyo also, although I hadn’t gotten around to sorting out exactly why as of yet. I suspected it might have something to do with the fact that he had disappeared from my life for six months without a single word.

Kyosuke. I looked at him as he began speaking softly to me about what was happening in the studio.

The night after he had won me over with “Moonlight Sonata,” I had gone back to the small rehearsal room, hoping to find him there again. I was still skittish around him, but I found myself inexplicitly drawn, like the proverbial moth to the flame.

When I opened the door, I found him sitting at the piano, waiting for me. He waved for me to sit with him at the bench and, for the next two hours, he serenaded me with a medley of American rhythm and blues tunes. They were melancholy yet powerful songs and I felt lighter after listening to him play for nearly two hours. Again, he didn’t say anything, except to comment on the songs themselves.

I found him in that room every night, waiting to serenade me with music different from the night before. Sometimes at the piano, sometimes with a guitar, one night even with a violin. I began to look forward to the days again.

One night, I walked in and he was seated with a classical guitar and began singing traditional Irish Folk songs. I had never heard him sing before that night and he had a lovely voice. He patiently taught me the tongue-tying lyrics so that we could sing them together. It was magic.

That night was the first time Kyosuke spoke about something other than music,

“Say, Shuichi, would you be interested in going to a concert with me this Saturday?”

I had come to trust him so much that I answered him, flippantly, “Sure, Kyo. As long as you promise to behave.”

His green eyes locked gazes with me and he said, “I can offer no such promise to you.”

His hungry look made me very uncomfortable. I was about to turn him down when his smile and his look suddenly softened, “Don’t worry. It is not really a date or anything so formal. I was hoping to check out the band for NG. It’s more like we would be working.”

I marveled at his change. He had known that he’d scared me and he backed down. He was so in tune with me – it was frightening. Maybe more frightening than him wanting me. I was very confused.

The band we went to see the following Saturday night was Suspended Animation. I had an absolute blast that night. And I found out, much to my surprise, that Kyo had a wild, unpredictable, streak in him. The first inkling I had that he was not a complete do-gooder was when he picked me up in his barely street-legal Mitsubishi Evo 7.

The second indication of his wild nature was his insistence that we be part of the dancing, fighting, and writhing moshpit for the warm-up band. The crazy kook even managed to get past security and pull off a stage dive.

After that, we conned our way passed the burly bouncers in order to watch Suspended Animation from backstage. I was certain that we could have used the NG pull to get backstage passes legitimately, but Kyo insisted that his way was much more fun. He even weaseled his way into meeting the band.

Clearly, he could be very cunning.

When the concert was over, Suspended Animation invited us to a rave. We accepted and spent the remainder of the night dancing and partying.

That night was the first time that I had laughed out loud since Eiri’s departure.

Afterwards, just as the sun was beginning to come up, Kyo took me home. He didn’t touch or seduce me, as I thought he would, but he did invite me to go racing with him the following weekend. It turned out that Kyo loved to race on the narrow mountain passes, offering up challenges to the local racers. I agreed to that as well.

Kyosuke had brought back both my music and my laughter. He had made me whole again.

I thought about what Hiro cautioned me about earlier. Did I trust Kyo? No, definitely not. Was I attracted to him? Yes, absolutely.

Did I love Kyosuke? Well… maybe. Eiri had kind of thrown a wrench into the mix.

“Hey!!”

I looked up into emerald green eyes, “Oh, hi, Kyo.”

He rolled his eyes and mimicked me, “Oh, hi, Kyo. I’ve been trying, like a madman, to get your attention for the past 10 minutes. Did you hear a word I said?”

I shook my head, “Sorry, no.”

He threw his hands into the air and collapsed onto the sofa next to me. As he sat there, slouched deep into the cushions, he tipped his head so he could look at me as he said, “You know what you need?”

I eyed him with suspicion, “What?”

“You need to go for a ride with me.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

“Really, come on,” he grinned at me as he leaned ever closer and whispered. “You know you want to.”

I did want to. And I didn’t want to go home to deal with Eiri-the-man-whore yet. He would be there, waiting to pounce on me as I stepped off the elevator, trying to fix our relationship by being tolerably nice to me and trying to woo me into the sack. Giving me those wounded, sad eyes…

There was no way Eiri had gone without sex for eighteen months. He was going crazy after a mere two weeks of being cut off with me.

Ugh. I could really use a break from that.

I stood, “Let’s go.”

Kyo’s eyes were sparkling as they met mine, “For sure? Won’t this cause problems with you and…” He let his voice fade, but I knew exactly what he was implying.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I snapped.

His features shifted into a look of concern, “I am sorry, Shu. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

I scoffed, “Are you driving or not?”

He jumped to his feet with a grin, “Well, let’s go then!”

Inoue Kyosuke has several loves. Music. Literature. Driving. He includes me on the list, but I\'m not sure I believe him.

As we stepped out of NG, I spotted his black Mitsubishi immediately. The thing is a monster and Kyo drove it with speed, passion and skill, coaxing it into doing nearly impossible things. He never failed to scare the hell out me. Especially when he drove the narrow, winding mountain passes. I loved it. Kyo\'s love and care for his car always made me wonder if he carried those same characteristics with him into the bedroom.

After all, Eiri loved his Mercedes. Eiri also loved to drive hard, fast, and dangerously.

It was difficult not to assume some things.

Perhaps it was a flaw in my character, to be attracted to such men.

I slid into the racing seat and buckled in. I glanced over and saw the determined look in Kyosuke\'s eyes. Yeah, he was out to terrify me, all right. My stomach clenched in anticipation as he put the key in the ignition and awoke the beast. Moments later, we tore out of the NG parking lot and began to chase the sun.

Several heart attacks and two hours later, Kyo and I were at our favorite lookout spot off of a narrow mountain road. We watched the sky change a rainbow of colors as we sat in silence on the blanket Kyo always had in his car.

The sunset became the indigo night and I laid back to watch the stars wheel across the sky. Kyo laid next to me so that our heads were near each other, but, as usual, he was silent. I assumed that he knew I was troubled and had decided to give me time to work things out before asking any questions.

“Kyo?” I finally began. I wasn’t sure I should ask what I wanted to ask, but it had been bothering me for a very long time.

“Hmm?” He said lazily.

“Why didn’t you ever seduce me?”

After a moment of silence, he rolled onto his stomach and looked me in the eyes, “Shuichi? What’s going on?”

I looked away, “Well, you always say things to me as if you would like to… you know. But I wasn’t ever sure if you were teasing me or not. And you never… you didn’t even…”

He was still staring at me.

“I just wondered,” I stammered. “It’s not really important. Never mind.”

“Shuichi,” he began softly, “I never pursued you because, at the time, you were not up for it.”

I was in some very perilous waters but I forged a head anyway, afraid that I would lose my nerve, “Kyo, Eiri was gone. I was with you all the time. I was totally dependent on you. You could have easily…” I inhaled deeply and dove in, “Did you, you know, ever want to?”

He began laughing heartily as he rolled onto his back again, “Did I want to…” His laughter was uncontrolled as he sputtered, “Did I want…”

I sighed and closed my eyes, “You don’t have to make fun of me.”

“Wha…wait, Shu,” he was still attempting to get his laughter under control, “I am not making fun of you.”

I scoffed dismissively.

He sat up, his smile and laugher fading, “Shuichi, the reason I am laughing is because you have no idea how much control I had to exert every time we were together. I wanted to ravish you, all the time.”

“Wh…what? Really?” I found that I was smiling, “Then why?”

“Why? Because it wouldn’t have meant anything. You were still hung up on that emotional equivalent of the Marquis de Sade.” He was still looking in my eyes. “The fact that he wasn’t here made it too much like competing with a ghost. That is a difficult feat for anyone to overcome, even a hot commodity such as myself.” [1]

I knew what he was talking about. My battle with the dead Kitazawa was never really complete. Eiri will always have a special place for that guy that no one else would ever be able to see or touch.

“But now Eiri’s here.” I stated.

“Yes, now he’s here, a flesh and blood opponent.” He paused a moment before speaking again, looking deep into my eyes. “Now we have a level playing field. We can both either make mistakes or succeed.”

“So,” I was in way over my head now, but found I did not want to stop, “does that mean you might seduce me now?”

He leaned over me, a hand on either side of my head, his long hair creating a curtain around us. He was so close I could feel his breath on my skin, “What are your thoughts on the matter?”

“I think,” my voice broke and I had to start again, “I think you should kiss me.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

I grabbed his head and lifted myself so that I kissed him.

He moaned a response as he pushed his tongue into my mouth, as if he was trying to devour me all at once.

Electricity shot through to my toes as my body was immediately awash with desire. I had wanted this for so long. Kyo was not the only one to dream of the two of us together.

Kyo pushed his knee between my legs and I let him slide his body onto mine. I could feel his erection hard against my hip and I pushed back so he could feel my arousal as well, causing both of us to moan in reaction.

So good. Just as I knew it would be.

I felt his hot skin on mine as he pushed his hand under my shirt. He finally pulled away from me so that he could unbutton my shirt. He sat back on his heels and took his time, each button taking his full attention as he undid them slowly and teasingly, one at a time.

Oh, yeah, he was a great lover.

Finishing with the buttons, he spread my shirt open and stared at me. After several moments I began to squirm in embarrassment.

“Oh, I knew it,” he rolled his eyes in ecstasy, “you are shy.” He ran his hands across my chest, stopping at my nipple ring, “Do you have any idea how long I have wanted to touch this?”

“You were there the night I got it,” I said as I panted with lust. “As I recall, you even talked me into it.”

He tugged on the ring gently, “You think I encouraged you to get that because you wanted it? Oh no, that was all about me and what I wanted.” He bent over me and ran his tongue over and through the ring, occasionally nipping at me.

I arched up to meet his mouth. I had wanted this for so long, he had made me wait so long. “Oh, Kyo,” I moaned, I was ready to give in.

Moving over me, he pressed his body into mine again, letting me feel his shivers and his very hard cock. I wanted him oh so badly.

“Shuichi,” he breathed into my ear, “I love you.”

My eyes snapped open with that declaration. Somewhere, back in my mind, I heard a different, slightly deeper voice tell me the same thing. Oh, this was too much. This was way too intense for me.

I pushed at him, “Kyo… I don’t think that…” I wanted to say that now was not the time – that what was happening was not fair to him or Eiri, but the words died on my lips as I looked into his love-filled eyes.

Suddenly he sat up with a groan and scrubbed his hand through his hair, “Well, that ought to make my wet dreams very vivid.”

I sat up as well, “Why did you stop…”

He sighed, “Because you are still confused.”

I almost started crying, “I’m so sorry Kyo. I never should’ve asked you to kiss me.”

“Are you kidding?” He grinned at me and leaned forward so that we were very close again, “You finally revealed your true feelings for me. Passionate kisses of that caliber can only be kisses of love. In spite of the fact that someone else has some very sharp emotional hooks in you.”

“Yuki. You can call him by his name,” I said testily. Kyo’s dancing around the subject was starting to piss me off. Or was it the fact that he had stopped making out with me that pissed me off?

“All right, Yuki, the tormentor of your heart,” he flopped onto his back. “You know, I wouldn’t mind sharing you with him if he wasn’t such a stuffed shirt and a dandy.”

Stuffed shirt. Dandy. I shook my head. Only Kyo would use words like that.

Wait. I stared at him. Did he say share? Mmmm, now that was something to think about. I envisioned having that conversation with Eiri and began laughing.

“And what do you find so amusing?” Kyo asked with his own small smile as he sat up again to look me in the eyes.

“Oh,” I started to giggle, “telling Eiri that you want to share me. I don’t think he’d be too keen on the idea.”

“For being such a pretty thing, he really is very uptight. Doesn’t he know you well enough to know that you are capable of enormous amounts of love? Loving both of us, Surly Yuki Eiri and Adorable Me, is a walk in the park for you, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think I would call it a walk in the park…” I said absently.

“So,” he grinned at me again, “you do love me.”

“Of course, I do.” I answered back quickly, surprising myself with my response, “But in all fairness to Eiri, he does have some nasty demons to battle with.”

He answered me softly, “And you don’t?”

Kyo knew so much about me. And now he knew that I was attracted to both him and Eiri. Loved both him and Eiri. He knew and what’s even more remarkable was that he was okay with it. He would even agree to share me.

It was absolutely ridiculous, but I did love them both.

I looked over at the self-satisfied, smug look Kyo had on his face. I scoffed at him, “You really are shameless, you know that?”

He nodded, his green eyes sparkling with possibilities, “Yes, very. But you want me anyway.”

I met his challenging look as his lips twitched into a smile and he batted his eyelashes at me, “It’s only a matter of time before you succumb completely to my charms.”

“You really think a lot of yourself, don’t you?” His bravado was beginning to grate on my nerves.

He stood up and held out his hand to me, “Come on, I’ll take you home before Yuki becomes angry.”

I took his hand and rose to my feet, as I growled, “Whatever.”

He pulled me close to him, our joined hands into a loose embrace. Whispering into my ear he said, “Now, try not to think of me the next time you are in bed with Yuki.” He kissed me deeply; the effect of the kiss shot through me and renewed my desire. When he pulled away he looked into my eyes and said, “That ought to get you going for tonight. It’s a crime that he’ll get it and not me, so be sure to tell Yuki who to thank when you jump on him.”

My only answer was a shiver of desire.

An hour later I stood in front of Eiri’s door and debated on whether or not I should go in.

Kyo had given me several tantalizing kisses before letting me out of his car. He teased me back into an aroused state and told me that, if I really wanted it, I would have to settle for Eiri. Kyo again challenged me to not think of him while I was with Eiri.

Kyo really does have a freaky, perverted, and somewhat vicious streak in him.

And to further complicate matters, I was still very ticked off at Eiri.

I thought about it. There might be a way around both of these obstacles, but I didn’t know if I could get Eiri to cooperate. I wondered, rather evilly, just how desperate Eiri might be after two and a half weeks.

That is, if he had been behaving himself.

Of course, who was I to throw stones at this point?

Hmmm. Would Eiri let me have him? Would doing that stop me from thinking about Kyo?

Might as well find out.

Taking a deep breath, I put my key in the lock and opened the door.


TBC


Lyrics by Matt Johnson (The The)


[1] Marquis de Sade: (1740-1814) A French aristocrat and writer of philosophy-laden and often violent pornography. His name is the source of the word sadism.