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Fall of Shadows	By : GhostHelwig Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 2053 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
Disclaimer
� I do not own or profit from Saiyuki.
Such a painful shock, that, I�m sure.

Rated R
for slash/yaoi, non-con, and utter darkness. Do keep that in mind before reading, eh? (*grin*)

Special
thanks (curses) to darthelwig, for
basically causing all this. I owe you
one (big slap) for all this, D. ...heh.

More
special thanks to Ditch Gospel, for �stalking� this story and making me feel
special. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And
another huge thank you to all of you, as well, for reading and, if you so
choose, commenting. I truly appreciate
it. And to those who�ve commented on my
strange grammar in this � it was a style choice that I thought fit well with
the story I needed to tell. My apologies
if you feel I�ve failed.

Anyway,
enjoy. Peace, all.

***

Fall of Shadows

Chapter Four � And Fixes a Stare

by Ghost Helwig

***

Three days into their new journey, and Hakkai was thisclose to
panicking.

They seemed no closer to Sanzo. And the more time it took, the more intense Goku got. He not only didn�t whine about being
hungry, when Hakkai passed out sandwiches as they sat in the car (front seat
vacant � no one would usurp Sanzo�s rightful place, no one could bear to, not
even Gojyo and especially not the
monkey), Goku refused to eat. He didn�t
even spare time for questioning how Hakkai could drive and make sandwiches at
the same time, as a wide-eyed Gojyo did - even though Gojyo had watched Hakkai
do it, either he was truly impressed or was trying vainly to fill the silence
(Hakkai suspected it was more than a little of both), because he wouldn�t shut up about it until Hakkai quietly
begged him to.

And to top it all off, when they tried to stop for
the night, Goku would just climb out of the jeep and keep on walking. So Hakkai and Gojyo, after asking, ordering,
bartering, and manipulating led to nothing, simply walked along with him,
Hakuryu curled up on Hakkai�s shoulder.
The little dragon was the only one of them who would get rest until
Sanzo had been returned to them.

Which was looking, much as Hakkai didn�t
want to admit it, less and less likely.

I wonder, he
thought as he dragged his tired legs up yet another small hill, his friends
still and silent as they walked with him, Gojyo trailing behind and Goku (of course) leading, can we handle much more of this?
We�re running out of supplies, and I daren�t take us into town with Goku
acting this way. He�s liable to break
the heads and necks of anyone who crosses paths with him. He barely tolerates us as it is.

And then, a truly terrible thought:

Can Goku handle much more of this? His limiter � I�ve only ever seen it break
off him once before, in the heat of the moment, but...

If I
look closely, will it have cracks in it?

He didn�t even want to hazard a guess.

Then, just as dawn crept over the horizon (don�t look East, Hakkai � our only goal lies
to the West, said a smoky, unintentionally sensual voice in his mind, his
memory) on the fourth morning since Sanzo�s disappearance, all four companions
looked up when a large shadow passed overhead.
As it circled above them, Goku let out a loud, lancing cry that drove
Hakuryu off Hakkai�s shoulder and into the shelter of the trees nearby. Hakuryu, at least, knew danger before it
landed before them.

I
always knew he was a smart little dragon.

The shadow passed by again, then
seemed to disappear into the tops of the trees far ahead of them. Without consulting his companions � or even
saying a word � Goku was racing off into the forest after it.

Sanzo
will be furious when he hears yet more evidence that Goku has yet to learn to
control his emotions where he�s concerned-

Oh. Sanzo.

And suddenly, Hakkai was running too.

***

There were brambles in his hair. He supposed that only made sense � couldn�t
very well be helped, getting brambles in your hair, when someone pushed you off
a flying dragon and into a convenient tree and you had to climb your way down
on limbs so unsteady your first thought, upon being placed upon them for the
first time in four � no, more like five � days, is that there�s an earthquake
rocking the tree and the ground you eventually find beneath your sliced-up
feet.

Speaking of which, his feet hurt. Not as badly as his wrists, but they still
hurt. And his wrists didn�t hurt as
badly as this one bite some idiotic youkai had left on his neck. Fucking leech. But even that didn�t compare to the raging,
ceaseless fire and pain in his ass-

Yeah. No use
thinking about that. So he moved on.

The crap in his hair was really bothering him. Just one of the reasons he�d always kept it
manageably short � he had this strange feeling that he�d had his goddamn fill of long hair, thank you very much, so Gojyo could keep his, and welcome to it.
Why any sane person would want something that tangled so easily if you
didn�t keep it up just right and was
a bitch to keep clean and that
goddamn brats could yank on whenever
they so chose (not that he�d ever let
a child get so close to him, no way no how, but best to be on the safe side
where those creatures were concerned), was beyond him.

But then again, no one who knew him had ever
claimed Gojyo was sane.

...well, maybe Hakkai had, but considering who he was � or rather, had been, to be
precise (and Hakkai was always
precise) � he wasn�t really a good judge
of sanity, now was he?

Not that he
should probably judge, either, considering his current obsession with the state
of his hair...

But goddammit, it felt
fucking dirty. He hated that. (They
made me dirty � fucking perverts � all over again � I stopped it before �
couldn�t stop them � you � no � don�t think about it � don�t think.) And now that he�d thought about it, he�d
never once let his hair grow out, so
how the hell could he have gotten
sick of it? Maybe he really was insane.

He hated it, though, hated it so much he�d been
relieved when Goku finally let him cut his
long hair. (The only time he liked it was when he braided it to keep it out of
Goku�s way, surprisingly soft it was, too soft for a monkey�s fur, he only
liked it because having his fingers in Goku�s hair kept the goddamned monkey quiet, really, that was all it was, and no, he didn�t
pet it, not where anyone could see, could know.
And Goku was too smart to ever say otherwise.) So relieved he really had preferred Gojyo�s short hair, when he really couldn�t give a
damn what the kappa did to his
body. Is that why I can�t stand the sight of him? His goddamn hair?

...well,
I suppose that�s as good a reason as any.

He�d been so relieved though. It was almost unnatural. As a matter of fact, he�d often considered
just fucking shaving his head, only
he couldn�t because his hair was worth just
that much more actually on his
head, where it could piss off the monks who thought a Sanzo priest should
actually resemble a priest.

Hell,
they shouldn�t worry so goddamn much.
This much crap to deal with, I�ll be bald by the time I�m thirty.

That thought, for some reason, sobered him. He felt almost... sad.

-Without
the golden hair, how can he be anyone�s sun?-

He pushed it away, the thought and the untimely emotions. Stupid things to be dealing with, anyway. He had more important things to think about-

Like
ripping Kougaiji�s goddamn head off-

-vulnerable,
like he hasn�t been in years, violated, like he hasn�t been since his master�s
death, soiled and torn and just ripped open, like he hasn�t ever been, not ever-

I�ll kill them, kill them all-

-red
dripping off his wrists, can�t see it but he knows it�s between his thighs as
well, watches it drip from the parted, panting lips of the youkai on top of him
who has been suckling on his shoulders as though he can drain his life away
through them, and he suddenly understands, in a way he will never explain to
either of them, Hakkai and Gojyo�s separate but oh-so-similar aversions to
blood-

I�ll kill them, kill them all-

-and kill myself as well�-

�Sanzo!�

His head jerked up, just as Goku burst through the
trees in front of him. And he suddenly
realized-

I was
following his voice, without even realizing it.

The realization stopped him cold. It took him a moment to realize that Goku had
stopped as well. He didn�t understand �
by now, he would�ve expected Goku to be on him like the monkey he was, clinging
and shouting and causing such a ruckus Sanzo would be wishing, within instants,
that he still had his gun.

They
stole it from me, those bastards � the gun � my Sutra � everything-

How could
they do that? Take everything from me?

Hakkai and Gojyo had come running up behind
Goku. Hakkai stopped first, just behind
the monkey�s shoulder; his breath hissed in between his teeth. His monocle was glittering
dangerously in the orange light of the dawn.

Gojyo stopped a split-second
later, mere steps in front of Goku, mere finger-widths away from his
frozen companions. Though it was almost
impossible to believe it, he looked like he might cry.

Patience had never been Sanzo�s strong suit. With an impatient wave of his hand - that
caused his arm to twinge anew and made his voice come out even rougher than
intended (and he had intended it to be pretty rough) � he growled, �what the fuck are
you looking at?�

Though Gojyo had been the one it appeared would do
it, Goku was the one who began to cry.

***

He had Goku�s cape wrapped around him now. It didn�t hide much, but it was enough. And Goku would let no one, not even Hakkai
and Gojyo, near Sanzo right now.

Healing could wait until they found the stream
Hakkai�s map and the keen hearing of the youkai (and half-youkai) among them
had told them all was near. Explanations
could wait as well.

Not that any were needed.

Sanzo walked with his head held high and Goku�s
cape wrapped around his waist, broken pride clutched around him like a second
skin even though he looked just short of ridiculous. He would�ve actually looked ridiculous, if one couldn�t see remnants of torture all over
his body.

Instead, he just looked sad.

And not even his wounded pride could hide that new
limp. Or those teeth
marks marring the pale expanse of his flesh. Or the scratches on his
chest, the blood at his wrists, the haunted unawareness in his usually vivid
and all-seeing eyes.

And most importantly, nothing could hide what all
three had plainly seen when Sanzo stood naked and vulnerable before them-

Blood, some crusted over, some still wet and
obviously oozing, liberally coating the insides of his thighs.

There was no mistaking what that was from. No denying
what it all meant.

And it made Sanzo�s companions (his friends) feel sick, that they�d trusted
their enemies at all.

At the
stream, which was thankfully slow-moving and quite shallow enough to reach only
up to Goku�s chest at its deepest, Hakkai and Gojyo began setting up a
rudimentary camp, politely turning their backs to the water. Goku led Sanzo down to the edge, helped him
sit before he waded into the water himself.

He
turned back to Sanzo, who was sitting blindly on the bank, watching him without
seeing him. That blank stare was
unnerving. With a quiet sigh (no one
spoke anymore, hadn�t since Sanzo had snarled away Hakkai�s offer of aid, Goku
growling helplessly beside him, tears still coursing down his cheeks), Goku
moved back to the bank, and held out his hand.

Sanzo
didn�t even appear to notice it.

Goku
waved his hand, and this time, a mumbled curse caught Sanzo�s ear. He looked up, met Goku�s innocent golden
gaze. He looked down again.

That,
more than anything, lit fire in
Goku�s belly. Someone would fucking pay-

-but later for that. He banked his
rage, reached out gentle hands to pull a surprisingly unresisting Sanzo into
his arms. He would worry about that,
later, when he had the thought to spare for anything but clean Sanzo�s wounds � help Sanzo � heal Sanzo.

He
hadn�t bothered undressing himself before clambering into the river � he had a
feeling seeing another man�s nakedness (another
goddamn youkai, naked and demanding with his nakedness alone) would not
help Sanzo right now. So it was with
shaking, cold-numbed fingers - even though the water had been warmed slightly
by the growing sunlight (will I ever see
the sun shine again?), he was still somehow cold � that he slowly, carefully removed his cape from Sanzo�s
waist. Sanzo made not a move, not a
sound of protest.

-If they broke you I will fix
you-

He
tossed the wet cape at the riverbank, where it landed with a squelch and a
splatter beside Gojyo�s feet. He
flinched, but didn�t turn around. (He held himself back to spare the sensibilities
of a monk who spared the sensibilities of no one, least of all himself.)

Goku
meanwhile was trying very hard not to notice the swirls of crimson that were
occasionally drifting off into the water now.
And Sanzo just remained standing before him, not moving. It wasn�t until Goku reached to touch him
again that Sanzo�s very skin seemed
to flinch away, though he barely moved at all.

-If they scared you I will
reassure you-

Determined,
Goku reached out again, drew his fingers over the still-dry but strangely
chilled flesh on one pale, exposed shoulder.
Sanzo�s eyes met his at last, a glimmer of recognition finally lighting
the violet depths.

�Sanzo...�
Goku whispered. He didn�t even know what
he wanted to say, what he could or should say, but it was obvious that something needed to be said...

Sanzo
just shook his head, aching, bone-deep weariness
in every line of him, pale hair streaking down his cheeks, hiding his shadowed
eyes.

-If they numbed you I will awaken
you-

Without
a word, Goku hurriedly climbed out of the river and ran to their bags, grabbing
out a bar of soap and a clean rag to wash with.
His back was turned, thus ensuring he and the others all missed what was
quite possibly the most shocking behavior of all � Sanzo�s head whipping around
to watch his retreating back, something almost like shock and loss, something
akin to fear, fighting its way into
his eyes.

He�d
forced himself to turn back around, face away from Goku, before Goku had turned
back to race into the stream once again.

-Because they hurt you I will
avenge you-

Goku was
gentle, but sometimes no amount of gentleness helped, and Sanzo hissed in pain
as his wounds were painstakingly cleaned.
Some weren�t so bad � little cuts, claw marks that would heal within a
week or less; Sanzo, thankfully, healed pretty damn quickly for a human. (But
the claw marks looked like youkai handprints, like he could trace the outline
of different hands using them, and it was the first time ever that the monkey
thought of his own kind as being nothing more than animals.)

But some
wounds were different � larger, more wicked, more like actual wounds.
Sanzo had quite a few of those,
too.

-When you hurt I will avenge you-

-because I couldn�t save you.

So Goku
did what he could, and they didn�t leave the river until they were shivering
from cold, soaked to the bone, the sun high in the sky and their fingers
wrinkled and waterlogged. (My fingers are just like their fingers sometimes � they�re dirty � and
they hurt him. Even
when I don�t mean to.)

Once free
of the river, an unnaturally unobtrusive Gojyo appeared like he�d been summoned
out of thin air, handing Goku two towels and disappearing again almost as
quickly as he�d come. The
magic of Hakkai�s commands, undoubtedly.

With
tender strokes and rubs and pats over the worst of the cuts, the scrapes and
bruises, Goku dried Sanzo off. The
strange passivity that had overtaken Sanzo showed no sign of abating-

Until
Goku pulled a clean, freshly laundered (at their very last stop in a town six
days ago, no less) set of Sanzo�s robes and other attire from their packs -
minus the missing Sutra, naturally, as they only had, unfortunately, one of
those. He turned with them in his hands-

Sanzo
took one look, and promptly threw up all over the ground.

***

Bathed
clean once again, and clothed only in a few towels until Hakkai was allowed to
look at the more serious of his wounds (and Goku could think of something for
Sanzo to wear that would not induce more vomiting from someone who obviously had
nothing left in his stomach to vomit up except water and possibly his own
guts), Sanzo sat quietly � if not quite comfortably � beside a small fire
Hakkai had obviously banked before he and Gojyo had so mysteriously
disappeared.

Goku,
too, had disappeared, following their errant companions. Only Hakuryu hovered nearby, which suited
Sanzo just fine. Compared to the company
of other people, he didn�t mind the little dragon so much at the moment...

When
Goku returned, he had the others in tow (which was within minutes; apparently,
and utterly unsurprisingly, Hakkai and Gojyo had not gone far). Hakkai immediately moved to Sanzo�s side, and
Sanzo suffered himself to be examined, poked at, prodded
with gentle and well-meaning but still anxiety-inducing fingers-

But he
would not let that wound go examined,
and demanded it be healed without Hakkai once looking to see if any permanent
damage had already been done.

So
Hakkai healed him, examining what Sanzo refused to show him as best he could
using only his Chi-

And he
was pleasantly surprised, so relieved that he nearly fell over and Gojyo jerked
towards him in startlement, when he realized that
nothing that had been done to Sanzo could not be undone with time, rest, and
liberal application of his Chi (as well as a few soothing, healing salves he
could easily whip up, if he could ever get Sanzo to consent to such a thing as
letting someone apply cream to such a sensitive, private area). But the salves would help speed the healing
process along...

His eyes
landed on another wound he was healing, one that still oozed �pain� in his mind even though he�d been
healing Sanzo for quite a bit already, one that made it look remarkably like
Sanzo�s side had been chewed by a vicious animal, maybe a bear (definitely not a monkey)...

...well, nothing that had been done to Sanzo�s body couldn�t be undone, at any rate.

Healing
finally over and done with (the wound to Sanzo�s side had been healed as best
Hakkai could, until only thin, still red and re-growing skin remained), Hakkai
left Sanzo to the silence and solitude he so obviously wanted. He walked over to where Gojyo stood
disconsolately stirring a pot of stew he�d set to boil over the fire (which
Sanzo had moved resolutely away from the moment Hakkai began to cook). Gojyo immediately struck up a low-voiced
conversation with the healer, who looked over at Sanzo and shook his head.

Determined
to ignore them both, Sanzo turned his head away.

Somehow,
in the small interim where he�d been distracted, Goku had wandered quietly to
his side once again. He allowed it,
because when Goku�s mouth was shut he didn�t annoy him nearly as much, and
though he�d never admit it (was only vaguely aware of it, as he didn�t even
like to admit such things to himself)
there was no one else he trusted near him when his skin and flesh and bones
felt this exposed, this vulnerable.

So Goku
curled up at his side, not touching him, but close enough that Sanzo could
touch him without moving in a way that might draw attention to himself. If he so
chose. Goku really did know him too well
sometimes. (But sometimes, the monkey misinterprets because the monk hides, and
neither is ever as acutely aware of it as they are when their understanding is
this keen and clear.)

But he
allowed that too, allowed Goku to know him, because he could think of no one
else who would want to (no one else deserved to, had done so much � and put up with so much � to earn it, his
reluctant trust). Especially
now.

He
didn�t even want to know himself.

But as
Goku fell into a doze beside him, the tension Sanzo had been using to keep himself sane, had been carrying for so many days (too many days), eased its way from his
body, leaving tears in its wake � tears he held back for all, with all, he was
worth. Genjyo Sanzo did not give in to
little things like tears and sorrow and grief-

Not in
front of witnesses, at any rate.

�You must be strong, Priest Genjyo Sanzo.�

Even when I�m no longer a priest,
Master? Even then?

Goku
shifted beside him, one surprisingly small shoulder bumping his knee. He tried not to flinch away from the touch.

Even now, when they�ve done their
best to break me?

Without
thinking, he let his hand droop onto Goku�s chest, resting above his heart.

Do I have to be strong now? Because truthfully, Master...

In a
way, a way that was unique to him, that small, unchecked vulnerability was
worse than tears.

I think I�ve forgotten how.

When
Goku shifted again, Sanzo found himself gently but
inexorably drawn down into strong, sheltering arms. He didn�t fight the pull; didn�t even think
of it.

Instead,
he let Goku hold him against his chest (ear
above his heart now, so he could listen to the sound of life and breath, so
close, the strong heartbeat of one who would never abandon him, no matter how
he tried to get him to). He could
still hear Gojyo and Hakkai speaking softly somewhere behind him, their voices
a quiet lull dragging him down...

And for
the first time in days, Sanzo rested; safe, quiet, among friends.

***

(While up in Heaven, his aunt looked down,
and made increasingly lewd and inappropriate jokes; hir
own way of crying the tears he could not shed.)

--End Chapter Four--
- 4
- 5
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Fall of Shadows