Twisting Fate

Twisting Fate

After a long busy couple of weeks I have finally found the time to get busy on this again. I now have a new - um well, newer computer that works. I actually started this chapter a couple of times, but it didn’t feel right.

I still don’t own them, but it’s so depressing to admit it. I - want - my - RYUICHI!!!

Chapter Four

Shuichi looked at the phone in his hand forlornly. He felt a little twinge in his chest every time he looked at it. This was the latest of the thirty seven calls he had received from Eiri in the last week, all of which he had ignored. With a sigh he dropped the phone into his pocket before leaning against the rail and looking out from his balcony.

He didn’t know how long he had been standing there when he was startled from his thoughts by a pair of warm arms wrapping him in a loose backwards hug. He smiled slightly as Ryuichi settled his head on Shuichi's shoulder. “Hey.”

“Hey.” The brunette had been there all day ‘helping’ Shuichi decorate his apartment. It had been a lot of fun, but they really hadn’t gotten much work done.

After a few moments silence Ryuichi spoke up, “You know my friend, courage is not the lack of fear, but rather moving forward in the face of fear.”

Shuichi wondered at the seemingly random comment. “Okay.”

Ryuichi giggled quietly, but sobered quickly. “Shuichi, love can be a scary thing. You have a choice now that you will never have again.”

Shuichi pulled away from his friend and one time idol. “I don’t know what to do. Everything that has happened has been so screwed up. I mean with the accident and Eiri’s absolute turn around in personality. It’s all just so…” He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “I can’t stand his coddling! I can take it from everyone but him. That is not the man I fell in love with. Sure it’s nice that he is kinder to me, but he doesn’t… he isn’t… I mean… oh, I don’t know.” He slumped into one of the little wicker chairs that he had put out on the balcony.

Shuichi looked up after a few moments and saw that Ryuichi had that disturbingly intense look in his eyes. It was the one he got when he was being serious. The elder singer reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Did you know I was in love once?”

Shuichi shook his head dumbly.

“It was a long time ago. It was before I came back to Nittle Grasper.” Ryuichi pulled a small photo from his pocket. It was worn from having been handled too much and being kept in his wallet for so long, but still the image was crisp and clear. He held the photo in lovingly in his hand for a few seconds before passing it to Shuichi.

“The woman there beside me is Katharine. I called her ‘Neko’, because all her friends called her ‘Kat’, which translates to the same thing. She thought it was cute.”

Shuichi looked at the image in awe. The Ryuichi in the picture was as happy as he had ever seen the man. The woman next to him was stunning. They looked like they were at some kind of costume party. She was dressed up as cat, of course, with painted on whiskers and fluffy black ears while Ryuichi looked incredibly like a mouse in a full body suit of gray fuzz. She kept hold of his tail and it looked like she was using it as a leash. They were both smiling brightly with eyes full of laughter.

Shuichi looked up from the gripping image and handed the photo back to Ryuichi only to be handed another in turn. This picture was not so worn as the first. Only the corners were starting to take some wear. In the picture was Ryuichi standing next to a child that could pass as a much smaller body double. “Wha…”

“That is David Ryu White. He’s my son. His mother’s family name of course. He will be nine next month. That was taken when I went to see him last year.” Ryuichi took the photo back and stared at it longingly. He leaned back against the rail and sighed. “The song you asked about the other day, I wrote it for him. He was born shortly before I came home from the states. His mother and I were never married. We had a horrible fight. She refused to come with me to Japan. She wanted to stay in America close to her family.”

He ran his hand through his hair several times in frustration. “I got mad. It was important to me to come back here. I missed my friends and family, but she wouldn’t even consider it. She refused to change.”

He paused for a moment and looked out over the city to the sea in the distance. “You know people didn’t used to think I was crazy. I used to be a lot like how you used to be. I was happy and enthusiastic about life. As my fame grew my personality became part of my image. I was supposed to be happy-go-lucky to the point of insanity while still taking my singing seriously. I let it become who I was. I let myself be weak. I let my fear of ridicule and change overwhelm me.”

He looked back at Shuichi with those same intense eyes. “That is what really ended it between Neko and I. The whole time I knew her, I played the same part that I have played since Nittle Grasper started out. I played the fool with the big talent. She had gotten used to me giving in to her to keep her happy. When I stood up for myself about coming home… well here I am and there she is.” He gestured into the distance in the vague direction of the California cost line hundreds of miles away.

“I see David once or twice a year,” he continued. “I miss him constantly and his mother. She will always be a part of my past that I regret. If I had stood up for myself in the beginning then perhaps none of this would have happened. I was too afraid that she would turn away from me.”

Suddenly Shuichi understood, or at least thought he did, what Ryuichi was saying. “So you think…”

Ryuichi waved his hand to forestall his junior. “What I think doesn’t really matter. I just hope that you learn from my mistakes. Don’t hide who you are and how you feel. Stand up for yourself and what you want. Be willing to compromise, but not if it betrays who you are.”

Shuichi stood up slowly and walked to Ryuichi before wrapping him in a tight hug. “You should learn to take your own advice.” He loosened his grip but did not let go.

“Who me? I’m just a crazy famous person.” Shuichi hit his arm lightly.

“You are hyperactive and silly sometimes, but you’re not crazy.”

“No more so than anyone else. I never have been. I hope I never will be.”

They each held the other for a long time trying to give comfort. One was comforted for the pain of had been lost the other for the fear of what might be lost.

XXX

When Ryuichi was and the apartment was quiet Shuichi sat quietly in front of his fire. It was one of his favorite things about the whole penthouse.

The book in his lap glared up at him accusingly. He had yet to read anything beyond the cover. It was Eiri’s newest novel. This was the book that he had started just before Shuichi had woken from the coma. It had only been out for a few weeks.

Innocence Lost

The name itself was daunting. This was the part he was still keeping to himself. This was the part that only Tohma even knew the barest hints of. He knew in his heart that when he opened those pages he would already know the story. He would already know the pain that Erie’s words expressed. He would already know exactly how the book reflected his and Eiri’s life together.

The cell phone that had been sitting on the table started to ring. The tune that played was an older Nittle Grasper song and it brought with it a reminder of Ryuichi’s words. That song only played when Eiri called.

Shuichi reached out with an apprehensive hand and picked up the phone. Instead of ignoring it like he had been he answered the call. “Eiri,” it was the barest of whispers, but he knew that he had been heard.

“Shuichi,” the tone was stiff. “Tell me one thing: why?”

Shuichi's hand trembled as he tried to keep his phone to his ear. “That is a hard question to answer, Eiri. It will take some time.”

“I have lots of free time right now and all the time in the world for you if you will just answer me,” the tone was sad and hurt.

“Not over the phone. Can you meet me somewhere?”

“Now?”

Shuichi looked down at himself. He was still in the same outfit he had been working in and looked a mess. “In an hour at the park,” he didn’t feel the need to clarify just which park he was referring to or even where in the park. Eiri would know where to be.

“I’ll be there.” There was a pause, perhaps the length of a breath and then, “I love you Shuichi. I love you so much.”

“I know. I love you too.”

XXX

Okay, I want no complaints as to the length of this chapter or how long it took me to get it up. This thing was an emotional rollercoaster for me. Perhaps it feels a little too much like a couple of discussions that I had in real life. Who knows?

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. I am working like a mad fiend and all that rot so it might take some time to get something up again. I hope not, I feel like I am on a roll with this story and I want to put down more, I just won’t have a lot of time for awhile. With any luck I will be able to put something down for the next chapter later today and maybe enough to post in a week or so. No promises though. I have to sleep sometime guys.

Thanks for sticking with me.

So, too much? Not enough? There is more to come.