D does Dimensions Alternate

Chapter Five: D makes even more unwelcome discoveries and then plays a game.

Harry and Alucard spent the next five weeks avoiding each-other. Their juvenile behaviour would have been amusing had they not left Seras feeling so queasy. She could hardly be in the same room as both them. So Seras too started steering clear of them concurrently, just a little bit. Either separately was fine but when one came within a hundred metres of the other her temples would start to throb and she’d take leave of whatever company she was keeping and head for the hills. She only wished that she was like normal people that got pains in their knees when something bad was approaching. Of course she’d be the only person in the world with a gammy head.

When she wasn’t on the lam she was introducing Harry to army hierarchy. Being technically dead meant that you had no rank. Being able to crush stone walls with your bare hands meant that most people knew better than to actually pull it on you.

After a particularly scary demonstration on Seras’ part, one that left Harry and half of London shaken, it was discovered that he simply wasn’t as strong as she was. They had to find other means of scaring people into submission.

“I had to fling Pip into a wall in the beginning.” Explained Seras, “He kept laughing at me, you see.”

“Do they take you seriously now?”

“They know I don’t want to hurt them. If you pretend you don’t care though that might hold them off… Are you choking?”

Having a strategy is not the same as implementing it. Seras didn’t know how to introduce Harry to the Geese in an environment that would foster some mutual admiration while avoiding a violent brawl. Harry wasn’t going to like being “initiated” into the group. Being of the fairer sex was all that had saved Seras from being tarred and feathered.

Seras had known that it would be a bad idea to tell Harry about the war games. She hadn’t meant to but it slipped out when he’d asked about what her plans were for the evening. He was so polite that she always felt compelled to answer him. It was quite similar to the way Pip could always get her to close her eyes by sounding like a real C.O. Seras had been taught two things very well in her lifetime, to be polite and do what senior officers told her. The former was learned from her parents and the latter from Sergeant Rebus, the one man to never stare at her breasts.

The war games weren’t the kind that involved little painted soldiers and a table top that resembled forest terrain. They were the kind that involved live ammunition, full combat gear and two opposing forces that comprising of the Geese on one team and Seras on the other armed with a switchblade. She even won half the time. Seras wasn’t sure that Harry would take to it too well and she wasn’t sure she liked it overmuch herself. Pip thought it was hilarious, of course.

“Harry, I don’t think you want to get involved in this, it’s very boring.” Seras tried to sound as nonchalant as she could. In her defence it wasn’t something that came naturally to her.

“No… Alucard was right.” Harry had started checking his gear the moment after Seras let slip about their practice battles, “I don’t know how people fight here and I need to learn.”

“The Geese are human but they’re good. They shoot to kill; I just learned how to dodge after the first time…”

“Bullets are fine.”

“Well, I will admit that they aren’t blessed silver but they’ll still cause a dent,” Seras paused, “and you don’t drink blood either so you’ll take forever to heal.”

“Why blessed silver?”

“It’s deadly to vampires, didn’t you know?”

D flinched and stopped tying his boot laces.

“Didn’t know what?”

“Harry, you hunt vampires and you don’t know that silver hurts them? The last time I… God it was horrible, you’re just lucky you have decent armor.” Seras paused thoughtfully, “That stuff about garlic is all bollocks but most of the rest is pretty true.”

“No… garlic worked once. Wait, what are we talking about?” It seemed Seras thought leather was far tougher than it looked.

D was beginning to look a little greyer than usual. Seras wasn’t sure why but she continued to humour his odd line of questioning.

“We’re talking about things that are deadly to vampires, like certain metals, certain shapes….”

“Shapes, what shapes?”

“Like a cross.”

Recognition flared in his eyes before confusion set in again. He clenched his fists in frustration.

“Keep talking.”

“Harry, you don’t look well, I think going out tonight is a bad idea…”

“AGAIN.” Harry’s teeth snapped, long and red.

By the time he came back to himself Seras was standing ten feet away, legs astride and pointing a pistol at him. She was shaking her head almost imperceptibly. Her eyes were large but determined. She lowered the gun when he tried to talk.

“Harry, tell me what’s happening here.” She wasn’t asking.

D placed a hand over his mouth, willing it back into its normal shape. His left hand was gabbering illegibly at him.

“I don’t know.”


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D didn’t know how he convinced Seras to let him go and train with the Geese after his outburst. He’d been told that he’d have to talk to Alucard about his memory problems later but he couldn’t remember what he was forgetting. It was all terribly confusing. Luckily it seemed that D was good at ignoring his problem because he already didn’t know what it was.
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Pip knew Christmas had come early when Seras showed up to fight night with D in tow. The kid was probably older than he looked but that didn’t stop him being the definitive emo-twink. In Pip’s experience the more weapons and the more effort put into appearance, the shorter the tussle. D was wearing the leathers he’d arrived in, bullet holes patched invisibly. Come to think of it, how had he survived that? It probably had something to do with being the spawn of Alucard; he made it easy to suspend disbelief indefinitely.
“Captain, D wanted join in tonight so he could get a feel for the weapons we use.” Seras was using her professional voice, the one that graciously implied that there would grievous consequences should you not respond in an appropriate way.

“That is an excellent idea Seras, he can go on your team.”

“We’ll be blue this time.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Pip lit a cigarette and gave D the eye. “We’ll get started in ten.”

“See you on the flipside, sir.” Seras took D by the arm as she walked to her end of the grounds. D turned back to glare quizzically before he was out of sight.

Pip admired Seras’ butt during that time. When he couldn’t see it he thought about it. He may have been prepping his team on the outside but on the inside it was all about the police girl. Comparing parts of her anatomy to D’s was also quite diverting while he waited for their downtime to completely elapse. After that he thought about hunting down the scum-sucking enemy blue team.


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Seras took the time she had telling D about the playing field. Hellsing Manor was conveniently located next to some open woodland and not much else. A high voltage fence kept civilians out so it was a perfect place to practice high-stakes combat. There was a small lake towards the western edge of the forest but otherwise the area was fairly flat. If you wanted to get to some high ground you had to climb a tree. Seras had to explain that climbing was a bad idea though because it reduced your manoeuvrability and because the Geese knew to look above their own height.
Seras’ watch chirped when it was time to go. She tapped it and it fell silent.

“I’ll take point, you watch my back, ditch the cape here.” Seras’ voice gained a different quality, a certain coarseness that faded on her off-duty hours. By the time D realised this Seras was already striding into the undergrowth.

D jogged lightly to catch up, draping his cloak on a tree branch as he went. He drew out a knife as an afterthought.

“So, how do we decide who wins.”

“When the other team is all dead.”

“They die?” Seras sounded far too serious for comfort.

“You go through the motions, if you slit their throat you keep the knife a centimetre away and they know they’re out.”

“What about you.”

“Oh, they shoot me near the heart. Quiet now.”

D was beginning to feel like he’d stumbled into a madhouse again. It seemed like every town he walked into, no matter how picturesque, was filled with nuthouses. Seras began to speed up and D actually had to focus on keeping up with her. The Geese were at the other side of the wood but he could still hear them, slightly. They were keeping quiet. Seras stopped him from walking up to them.

“They’ll have a sniper nearby, they’re trying to get us on open ground.” Seras scanned the shrub land. “Pip’s trying to cut us off too, someone’s circling in behind.”

D hadn’t heard anyone but he took her word for it. She started moving east, closer to Hellsing and the quieter Geese. She made some sharp movements with her hands that D took mean, “You jump in front and surprise them while I pick them off at the back.” Seras disappeared into the trees and D was alone. He shifted his weight as carefully as possible, he was as silent as a grave on a good day but these humans seemed to be giving him a run for his money. Perhaps they had superior hearing too. He consulted with lefty while he walked.

“I need some help.”

“Oh, now you feel like talking.” D could feel his left hand sneering.

“I need to know if you can tell me how many there are. I think they’re using something to muffle their footsteps.”

“Yeah, they are. It’s called skill.”

“Can I at least use you to scare them?”

“What am I, just another ugly appendage? I’ll help you look but that’s it.”

D took this small capitulation and ran with it. His hand preceded him wherever he went. He attempted to follow Seras’ directions through the unfamiliar terrain. The tree weren’t the kind he was used to. The bark was darker and they seemed to drop more branches. He still treaded lightly and kept quiet but it took him more effort. The wind wasn’t helping things either. The sound of the leaves rustling might have covered any slip-ups from the opposition.

“I see them.” Lefty grunted and D felt more than he heard the vibration. “They’re about a hundred metres ahead, five men, all heavily armoured.”

He was only supposed to surprise them and even if they did fight he couldn’t aim to kill. D wasn’t used to playing like this. He figured if he started out with a ranged weapon he might be able to knock a few down and then rely on his speed. He brushed his thighs to shake off some dirt and pricked his pinky on a wooden dart.

D smiled like an evil thing.


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James liked walking through the woods at night. It was very soothing. Even when he was in his riot gear and about to shoot at one of his friends, the one that had bought those cute little booties for Tulip when she’d turned one, it was still soothing. Pip had warned their team that D was joining in this time but he wasn’t worried. He usually died within twenty minutes, which was fairly disturbing, really but it meant he could be home before eight. Fight night always meant he could tuck the kids in at bedtime and maybe read a story.
James resisted the urge to hum. He felt someone tap his shoulder. Nobody was there. He looked to his right and saw Sam appearing confused as well. He had something sticking out of his flak jacket. James felt around his own neck and found a skewer, uncomfortably close to his neck. He cupped a hand to his mouth and whispered as softly as he could.

“Hey Sam, I think we’re dead.” Sam frowned at him.

“Crap.”

The inky black shadows behind them warped into a young man. He sauntered past them, tipping his hat in greeting and smiling all the while. Since they were dead they couldn’t warn their team-mates. They watched silently as he “slit” Dean’s throat and “stabbed” Winchester, an ex-marine, in the back. Seras appeared ahead and took down Joe, just as he was turning toward D, by pretending to snap his neck. When she determined that all of them were out she twisted and glared at the other vampire.

“I told you to come in from the front.”

James thought that the ensuing domestic was quite similar to those he had with his wife. He’d do something that was technically good and then get lectured for half an hour on how much he’d disrupted his wife’s plans. The worst part was that she always right. The newly deceased men made their getaway as quickly as possible, completely reluctant to get involved on his behalf.

“You know, I think we ought to buy that man a drink.” Dean winced in sympathy.

James took five quid from his pocket and handed it to him.

“Buy him a pint for me, I have to get home to the wife and kids.”

The other guys smiled and rolled their eyes. For all of James’ many faults he was a good mate, a loving husband and a wonderful Dad. It wasn’t so bad having him around.


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Men were being picked off left, right and centre. Clearly their ambush had failed and he knew that their sniper had been eliminated. He kept seeing flashes of yellow in his peripheral vision and he was fairly sure that something was moving ahead of him, out of sight. He could only see nine of his side still standing. He ducked into the undergrowth, twigs not bothering him beneath all the Kevlar and thick cloth. He pulled out his rifle and waited for movement. Seras usually made a bull-rush when there were only a few of them left. He hoped to catch her before she scattered them.
Two muffled thumps meant seven left.

Robson moved forward into his line of sight, scouting as much as he could in the poor light. The quality of the shadows behind him changed. Pip fired on reflex and hit D in the shoulder. The man didn’t even slow. He took Robson with a knife before wheeling. Norris had started to run towards him. The pale man kicked high, stoping just short of the other’s neck. Pip fired again, hitting him in the chest this time. Then he felt a cold barrel pressed against his neck.

Seras glared at him. She’d taken down five people while he’d been distracted.

He smiled winningly back at her.

“You’re beautiful in your wrath.”

Seras smiled and laughed, a tinkling sound that was pleasantly at odds with the rest of her.

“Thank you, Captain.”