Slow Burn

A/N- the lemon/lime-ness begins in this chapter- no full lemon yet but its coming very soon...! So shuttup ya hentais!

5- Loneliness


Robin entered her quiet 1 bedroom apartment and tossed her coat carelessly on the couch. She had just left him a minute ago and already she missed Amon. This is getting ridiculous, she thought. I can't keep hiding this forever. I have to tell him. What was the worst that could happen? She knew he cared enough to let her down easy, even if he didn't feel anything stronger for her than friendship. He wouldn't be rude or cruel- he might pity her, but at least she'd know. She sighed sadly, but Robin felt that whatever the truth was, it was time to find out. She'd handle it, even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

And of course there was always the other possibility... she knew she shouldn't get her hopes up, but couldn't help a big grin. What if he actually feels the same way as I do? Robin had noticed Amon giving her a few lingering looks, caught an occasional flash of what might have been passion in his eyes, but it always disappeared like smoke. So fast that she was left confused and wondering if she'd ever really seen it at all.

Again she recalled what Doujima had told her earlier, wondering if it really meant what she hoped it did.

Amon's Craft had woken up for her. He had used it to save her life. Only intense emotion or stress was capable of turning a Seed into a full-blown Witch- and Amon was a lot more controlled than most Seeds. His stress threshold, already high to begin with, would have to be exceeded before he would lose control enough to rouse his dormant powers. Was it possible- that it was love that triggered his Awakening?

Well, in either case, Robin was excited about seeing Amon again later. Even if he didn't return her feelings, he had still become a good friend and was a dependable partner. She enjoyed his company, felt closer and more connected with him than any other person in her isolated life. 7:00 seemed like it was years away- until she realized she had yet to decide what she was going to wear. She decided to take a long, hot bath first and try to calm her jittery nerves before tackling the clothing problem.

Robin turned the faucet on, as hot as she could stand it, and as an afterthought, added a few drops of lavender oil to scent the water. Aromatherapy or something- lavender was supposed to be relaxing, right? She needed all the help she could get in that department. She sniffed the air for a moment, enjoying the fragrance, and left the bathroom to get undressed.

A few minutes later, the young fire-witch sank into the steaming water with a relieved sigh, feeling the warmth seep into her tense muscles, slowly unwinding the knots. "Mmmm," she sighed in pleasure at the heat. After a few heavenly moments of soaking, Robin proceeded to wash her hair and her body, staying in the tub until the water cooled.

----

Amon was driving home, back to his cold, dark, empty apartment, still thinking of Robin. Only this time, he was remembering the hunt they'd gone on that day.

He could not forget the horrible, paralyzing fear he'd felt as he watched that bastard Kodachi levitating a helpless Robin in midair with his telekinesis, threatening to kill her. He cringed to think of what could have happened if his power had failed him... he'd come so close to losing her! What if she'd died without knowing he loved her? Amon knew if that happened he could never forgive himself. He also knew that if Robin ever died in the line of duty he'd crawl into his own grave right beside her. He couldn't live without her. Why would he want to, when she was the only thing that made his sorry life worthwhile?

Amon reached into one of the deep pockets of his trench coat, feeling a small cool object under his fingers. He traced its smooth surface but didn't take it out of his pocket. He didn't have to see it, he knew exactly what it looked like. He had been carrying it around in the same pocket of his coat for almost a year now. This tiny object was his lucky talisman, a sweet reminder of something he never wanted to forget. He kept it with him always.

Amon had fallen into the habit of touching this tiny charm whenever he was feeling particularly down in the dumps, stroking it between his fingers, reassuring himself that it was still there. It gave him a little bit of something he hadn't had very much of in his life- hope. His only other source for that precious emotion was Robin. He let himself smile. That's what Robin's mother Maria had called her daughter- her little Hope. Now she was his Hope too.

Slowly, thoughtfully, Amon rolled the unseen object in his pocket in the grip of his thumb and index finger. It was so small and delicate, but hard and unbending. Strong as well as beautiful. It reminded him of Robin. Amon knew what he had to do. He had to tell Robin the truth. He loved her, it was killing him to hide it. No matter what her response would be, he just couldn't keep this silence anymore. If their friendship wasn't strong enough to survive a love confession then maybe it was never very much to begin with, and that was something he could not believe. Maybe she still felt something for him, maybe she would be willing to take their relationship a step farther to see where it would lead- well, he was never going to know unless he talked to her. He finally dropped the talisman and removed his hand from the pocket where it lay hidden.

Amon pulled into the parkng lot at his apartment building. Then he immediately turned his car around and drove out again, going back the way he'd come, but with a different destination in mind. He knew it was early, but now that he'd made his decision he wanted to do it fast before he lost his nerve.

----

Feeling much better after her bath, Robin got out of the tub and wrapped herself in a fluffy towel. She reached up to touch the bump on her head, it was still tender but her headache was gone at least. That was good. She didn't want her "date" with Amon to be ruined by a headache. She grabbed the hair dryer and switched it on, making quick work of her damp mane. A hair dryer was not a "styling tool" to the no-frills Robin like it would be with most other young women, to her it had only one purpose- to dry hair, hence the name. Same with her hair brush- which existed solely for the task of keeping the strands neat and tangle-free. Robin didn't even own a single can of Aqua Net, a cardinal sin which her fashion-savvy friend Doujima was doing her best to correct.

Robin's strawberry-blonde locks gradually regained their natural coppery sheen, becoming soft and wavy as the water evaporated under the blistering heat of the dryer. After it was mostly dry Robin ran her hairbrush through it, until it was smooth and straight. She never did much with her hair usually, aside from washing and brushing, but now she wondered if she should try a more glamorous style. She wanted to look perfect for Amon, worldly and seductive, like Touko had been. She didn't know why Amon and her former roommate broke up but he seemed to like that type of woman- what man wouldn't? Touko was beautiful, charming, witty, and confident, and Robin was positive she didn't blush and stammer all the time like an insecure schoolgirl.

On second thought, Robin quickly decided against a drastic change to her look, this was only a "just-friends" thing after all, she didn't want to come off as desperate. Amon was perceptive, he would notice something like that. It was one thing for her to try to get his attention, but for him to know that she was trying to get his attention would be embarrassing. All in all, dressed-up casual was a safer bet. Something nicer than she would normally wear to work, but still recognizable as "Robin". If she had to be someone else to attract Amon, then what was the point?

And she didn't know the first thing about being "glamorous", anyway. What if she tried it, and ended up looking completely ridiculous? And in front of Amon, no less? How humiliating that would be. No, she was no fashion-plate. She was not Touko, or even Doujima. No sense in trying. Besides, she reasoned, if Amon really had loved Touko, then he'd still be with her, wouldn't he? And it was no secret that although Doujima was a good friend and worker (when she chose to be, anyway), she was a bit too shallow and frivolous for a serious, cerebral person like Amon. He could barely stand having to work with her every day, putting up with her perennial lateness and frequent shopping trips during the work day, why would he want to deal with another Doujima-clone for a girlfriend? This made Robin feel slightly better about her own chances- because she was definitely not that type.

As she walked into her bedroom Robin was smiling broadly at the idea of a date with her handsome partner. If only it were real. If only he loved her like she did him... how wonderful that would be! She wanted to be the lucky girlfriend on his arm, watching all the other women stare at him and glare at her in helpless, furious envy. Amon would see only her, ignoring all the others as if they didn't exist. Robin would just grin proudly at those other womens' jealousy and nestle her body closer against her lover's side, winding her arms around him in a hug, secretly gloating to herself- Isn't my man cute? Drool all you want, ladies, he's mine! Amon would smile at her and take her hand in his strong one, with the other he would tilt her chin up for a smoldering kiss, then he'd wrap his arm around her waist to bring her closer, deepening the kiss as she slid her hands up along his chest to finally tangle them in his silky black hair.

Robin wondered what his kiss would feel like. She was willing to bet her entire paycheck that Amon was a fantastic kisser. He would be very thorough and intense, just as he was in everything else he did. She unconsciously licked her lips at the thought.

As she thought of Amon, Robin could feel herself getting warm. She was a nice enough girl, and still a virgin, but that didn't mean she didn't have recurring impure thoughts about her dark guardian angel. She was an adult now, she had normal urges just like any other young woman. She had seen enough of movies and TV to get a clue as to what happened between men and women, read some romance novels and now racy shoujo mangas on the sly (the kind of stuff that was banned from her in the monastery!), and of course she knew the basic mechanics of the physical act she herself had never experienced- she'd been given "the talk" after all. But not by Father Juliano- thank God for that.

Until she left the monastery, Robin's only source of information on relationships between men and women came solely from oblique references to it in the Good Book. Even as a young girl Robin's sharp mind suspected there had to be more to it than just "laying together" and endlessly "begatting" children. When she left the monastery her suspicions were confirmed, as she heard more and more comments and gossip from other young women about their boyfriends. Now she was relieved it had been a kindly, sisterly talk with Miho a couple years ago that had cleared things up a bit for her, rather than Juliano- it had been uncomfortable enough having such a conversation with a woman she thought of as an older sister.

The books, movies, and TV had done the rest- well, short of her actually experiencing the act firsthand, of course. Robin was a hopeless romantic- she couldn't get enough of those sappy-sweet, happy-ending, too-perfect-to-be-true romance novels- they were a guilty pleasure she would never admit to, even under threat of torture. Since coming to Japan she had gotten hooked on the steamy Kaikan Phrase* and snapped up each new book eagerly as they came out, to read about her favorite manga couple who always managed to stay together and passionately in love no matter what obstacles they faced.

Perhaps it was only coincidence that the lead male character in that particular manga was a tall, black-haired, blue-eyed, fiendishly sexy and charming rock singer with that whole "bad-boy" thing going for him? Maybe it was nothing more than chance that the pen-and-ink heartthrob Sakuya bore a strong resemblance to her real-life crush?

Robin had to admit that was about as likely as Doujima joining a convent.

Robin breathed a thankful sigh she hadn't had to hear "the talk" from her grandfather, of all people- who also happened to be a priest!! She would have felt painfully embarrassed and ashamed asking Juliano her questions, as if her normal teenage curiosity about a natural human behavior was a great sin.

Robin was raised in Father Juliano's monastery until age 15, as a rigid Catholic, but she didn't necessarily share the Church's strict, black-and-white dogma on sex being acceptable only within the confines of a marriage, and even then only for the purpose of having children. A lot of her opinions had been shifting since she left the insulated environment of the monastery and came to Japan, her first brush with the real world. She quickly learned that life was rarely as simple as Church canon insisted, between black and white lay infinite shades of gray. She often questioned how much of Church "law" was actually set down by God, and how much more was written by men claiming to be the so-called "chosen people" of God, in order to advance their own worldly interests. Humans, not God, were fallible and prone to sin, and easily capable of bending God's rules for their benefit. Hadn't Zaizen himself done that very thing, in his mad mission to "cleanse" the human race of witches?

The name of God had been invoked countless times by humans throughout history to justify the most evil acts- the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Trials, innumerable "holy wars"- as if a war could be considered "holy" by any stretch of the imagination! She had already discovered the truth about Witches to be much more complicated than she had once naively thought. She herself was a Witch after all- the ultimate Witch, the Eve of Witches. Witches were human beings. Just like any other humans, there were good ones and bad ones. Most were not evil or vicious. She was very proud of her job as a witch hunter to stop those that would maliciously harm the innocent- all innocents, humans and witches alike.

When it came to the idea of sex before marriage, Robin wasn't nearly so sure as she'd once been that it was an automatic, hell-worthy sin. How could it be such a bad thing if it happened between people who truly loved each other? It was just another expression of love- at least that was the way it was supposed to be. Surely there were far worse sinners in the world for God to deal with than willing adults who physically expressed their love for one another and weren't hurting anyone by doing so. She still felt that most people in the modern world rushed into the sexual act, perhaps not taking it as seriously as they should- but maybe it had always been that way, maybe it was just a lot more obvious and socially acceptable to do so now. Humans might have been created in God's image, but they were still part of the animal kingdom, they had certain- instincts. Even with their heightened self-control, people could not suppress the urges in themselves that came naturally to all living creatures.

While growing up in a house of God, surrounded by priests and nuns, and nary a soul under the age of 60, it was easy to accept that and many other things as iron-clad rules. After all, she'd had no experience with boys, and zero exposure to anything else that might test such an exacting belief system. Ever since coming to Japan, and being around peers closer to her age and not of the cloth, Robin now questioned many of the stringent teachings Juliano and the nuns had drilled into her.

And then of course there was Amon, her own living, breathing embodiment of every sinful desire she could possibly have. With a wry smirk Robin recognized that boys had never interested her- she was attracted to men.

Resisting temptation was easy if you didn't have any to begin with. Robin had never fully grasped the true meaning of temptation- real temptation, not something so trivial as sneaking an extra slice of cake after dinner as she had done a few times when she was little- until she set eyes on her dark angel at Harry's that first time. She remembered that moment as crystal clear as if it had just happened: the way the light gleamed off his raven-black hair, the elegant, yet predatory way he moved, the black clothes and coat that flared around him like a storm cloud even in the stillness, the subtly intoxicating fresh rainwater scent that clung to him. Those dark grey eyes of his seemed so cold when they first snared her- but underneath the icy shield lay such sorrow and a deep-seated pain that tugged at her heart. Something in those hauntingly beautiful eyes called out to her; and a part of her immediately answered with the same need. He'd left his indelible mark on her right then, and she'd loved him for it ever since.

Robin exhaled in a sound that was more a moan than a sigh. The mere thought of him made her shiver with want. Just seeing him at work every day made getting out of bed each morning worth the effort. Amon was no immature, silly teenage boy- he was a handsome, intelligent, powerful man in his prime. A man who was ten years older than her, who could have any woman he wanted without even having to do anything. Otherwise sensible women practically threw themselves at him, making total idiots of themselves, if he showed the slightest sign of interest. And Robin couldn't blame them. Yet again she asked herself why such a man, almost a god on earth, would ever notice her, and still couldn't come up with an answer. But if Amon loved her, and wanted her that way, she'd give herself to him with joy and no regrets.

Secretly she'd always dreamed of Amon being her first. She just couldn't imagine anyone else but him kissing her, touching her, doing all those wonderfully wicked things to her that she could only guess at. She hoped one day to see desire in his beautiful smoky eyes, to feel his mouth on hers in soft, deep kisses, to hear words of love in his husky voice, to familiarize herself by sight and touch with every inch of the hard, strong body she had felt against her when he had caught her in his arms... Robin blushed at the boldness of her thoughts. Her face burned, her breaths were rapid and shallow, and she could feel a delicious, throbbing ache within the core of her body and a dampness between her legs.

Oh please, not again... she thought, feeling that familiar need within herself. It was happening to her quite a lot lately. I'll end up embarrassing myself if I have to face Amon like this, she knew. She glanced at the clock. It was still early, she had at least a couple hours before he came to pick her up. I just need a few minutes.. she lay on top of her bed and let the towel fall open, allowing her slim fingers to slide along her skin, still slightly damp from the bath. She knew it was naughty of her, but she didn't care- she had to soothe the ache somehow.

Her thighs parted as she trailed her hand lower and slipped it between them. Her free hand traveled up, to encircle one of her agitated breasts. Robin desperately imagined the hands were larger, calloused, someone else's. A throaty moan escaped her lips as she closed her eyes and pictured her heart's desire within her mind's eye. The girl trembled at her own touch, moving her fingers faster against the moist, pulsing flower between her legs, in her fantasy she was seeing smoke-grey eyes and gleaming black hair; feeling her phantom lover's tall, hard body covering hers, his winter-pale skin unexpectedly hot. "Ooohhh... Amon..." she whispered longingly, between her sighs of pleasure.

Robin was so distracted she didn't hear the knock on her front door- not even after the third time.

She also failed to notice the deadbolt, which she always kept locked when she was at home, suddenly turn to the unlocked position seemingly by itself.

A soft click broke the silence.

And the door slowly swung open.


To be continued... cliffy! bad author! BAD! heehee!

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AN- Uh oh, who's at the door? Any guesses on what Amon's mysterious good luck charm is? I won't tell you yet, but feel free to guess. I know, I'm a bad, bad girl to leave y'all hanging like this. Sorry. Wait, no I'm not. Lol!

*Kaikan Phrase (aka "Sensual Phrase")- a wonderful shoujo manga by Mayu Shinjo, about an innocent high school girl (but not for long!) who happens to write very erotic song lyrics, by accident she meets the charismatic (and of course extremely handsome and sexy!) bad-boy lead singer of a popular band, the two start working together and soon their relationship goes way past just working together. I love it, it's mature and very steamy without being tasteless, and also romantic without being too sugary. But hey, that's just my opinion. I couldn't resist sticking it in here. If you like that sort of thing, and are 17 or older, check it out. English versions are from Viz.