It Matters

"Here you go." Mello handed Matt a packet of frozen potato wedges, wrapped up in a tea-towel. "Hold it against the lump."



"Which one?" Matt smirked, but obediently used the ice to soothe the back of his head. Beside him, Mello sat heavily, biting off chocolate and eating it slowly. The blond man still felt like a barely contained force of nature, but he was calmer now. "I think one of my teeth is loose."



Mello's gaze shifted, then, with a sigh, he leaned forward to see.

"It's fine."



"'kay." He reached for another tissue to pad out his mouth and was surprised to see his lover still there, still peering at him. "What?"



"Take the goggles back off." Matt did so, feeling exposed, but covering it with a cocky grin. Mello nodded, then reached for his hot chocolate. "Keep them off."



The 'why?' never passed his lips, but it sounded in his eyes. Matt put the goggles down, along with the potato wedges and the tissues, and picked up the Play Station controls instead. A cigarette was lit and normality ensued. A minute passed before Mello shifted again, reaching behind him. A second later, the ice was back on his stinging skull. It helped. "Thanks."



"Your psychology is fascinating me." Mello mused aloud.



"Happy to oblige."



"I don't want you to hide around me, ok?" It came out choked, as if Mello was losing something in saying it. "You put up with my crap, I put up with yours."



"You're so romantic."



"I hurt you so you feel safe. You don't have to wear the goggles." Mello's words petered off as Matt's shoulders stiffened. "Whatever." Silence, but for the computer game's music. "Switch it off."



Matt sighed, but did as he was told. As soon as he was sitting back, gazing around the room, Mello pulled him close.

"'Sup, Princess?"



"Don't call me that." Mello turned him so Matt's head rested on his lap, the potato wedges now a defrosting pillow, wetting through the teatowel and onto the leather. "Comfortable?"



"Yes." Matt's dark green eyes were caught and held by Mello's gaze for the longest moment. "What?"



"Now I can get ice onto there and have my hands free for my hot chocolate and chocolate bar. Live with it." This was punctuated by a sip of the former and the crack of a square of the latter following it into his mouth. "Besides, I want to see what you do without game, goggles or cigarette."



"You haven't had long enough to find out?" Matt frowned. "I've only known you... what... fifteen, sixteen years?"



"Yes, but now I want to see what makes you tick... get back down!" This last as Matt made to sit up. He lay back down. "Sixteen. I was four when you came to Whammy's and you were three. Couldn't believe they were making me share my room."



"Sorry I ruined your life."



Mello let the last of his hot chocolate drop onto Matt's cheek, then bent to lick it off, as he placed the empty mug on the floor. He wrapped his arms around his lover's head, then kissed him all over his face, hair caught up in one hand. "You probably saved it."



"I know."



"I definitely saved yours." Mello continued between kisses, then leaned back. The green eyes were just watching him, so vunerable, so trusting. "Without me, you'd have been a self-destructive junkie by now. You have that personality. Dead with hereoin tracks up your arm by the time you were eighteen."



"Thanks."



"You know precisely what I mean." Mello stroked his hair and gently touched the latest cuts and bruises. "I just hope that I don't end up getting you killed anyway." He would have looked away, but it was so rare to have Matt gazing at him like this. He watched him all the time, but not without a shield. Even tied up and beaten, Matt was never this defenseless. It was all in the eyes. "I don't know if I ever said this and I doubt I'll say it again..."



"That you don't want to kill me?"



"Shut up." Mello let his fingers become wrapped up in the red hair. He forced himself to meet that emerald gaze again. "That I love you, body and soul. Take it or leave it. Don't ever doubt me again and don't ever think I'd cheat on you."



Matt's eyes widened,

"I take it."



Mello gave the barest nod, then bent down for a kiss to seal the sentiment. He stayed there for as long as it took for Matt to stop pretending not to be crying, then kissed him some more.