Hell and Healing

SPOILERS: All manga, all anime, L's true name, Another Note, Law and Right, Truth and Justice, Motive and Mayhem.

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Hell and Healing

Chapter 5: Contact

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Things were very awkward the next day as Matt and Mello went about ignoring each other much as they had the previous week. It was, however, visitation day and much to his surprise, Mail Jeevus was called out for a visitor.

When he got to the visitation room, he was even more surprised.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Matt ogled the man sitting across the table from him.

"I came to see how you are, and to ask about Mello. L would come himself, but he dislikes being filmed," Light pointed absently at a camera in the corner. There were several more in plain sight.

"For good reason, Kira-san," Matt replied playfully.

"Don't call me that," Light scowled, folding his arms on the table in front of him. "L is worried that perhaps Near's plan was a bit too direct."

"If you're worried about him beating the snot out of me," Matt rubbed the fresh bruise on his chin. "He doesn't seem intent upon rending me limb from limb if I don't antagonize him. Besides, the first punch was free. I deserved it, after what I let him go through."

"He trusted you implicitly and you violated that trust. I should think you deserved a great deal worse than a single punch," Light flicked an imaginary piece of lint off of his jacket.

"The words hurt more than his fists did," Matt shrugged, leaning back in his chair and taking a few moments to look at Light. "Is L going to make any demands when I'm released?"

"The word demand is a bit strong. He's going to ask you to work from his headquarters here in Japan, where he can keep an eye on you. For obvious reasons, he wants to keep you close," Light replied easily.

"Just like he did with you, makes sense and I'll agree to it. It's not like I'll be leaving Japan any time soon unless I never want to come back," Matt sighed softly, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. "Just how am I supposed to win him back?"

"There was one day that Mello called me up, entirely out of the blue, for a conversation about you. He was working in the Middle East at the time, funneling information to the United States on the terrorist organizations in Iran and Iraq. He was forced into hiding for a while because of a skirmish and he was probably thinking about the grenade that gave him those scars," Light said softly.

"He told me how the two of you had met at the orphanage, how the relationship had developed. He asked me if I thought you'd been manipulating him from the very beginning."

"What did you say?" Matt asked, his gaze still on the ceiling.

"I told him that it sounded to me like you didn't know how to say the things you were feeling, so you simply acted them out. I don't know you well, Matt, but from what I do know I've gathered that you don't talk too much," Light sighed, shifting a little in his seat.

"He told me yesterday that he'd loved me, back then," Matt muttered.

"I don't doubt it. Mello is a proud, stubborn man with an inferiority complex. It would take quite a bit of love and trust for him to hand over control the way he did," Light smiled a little. "I don't know that you can win his love back, but at the very least you can salvage a friendship."

"I didn't expect him to be shoved into my face like this. I didn't even expect that he'd ever speak to me again."

"Then perhaps you'll begin to see what you did as a crime and not a game," Light replied easily. "I know what it's like, to think you're reforming when what you're really doing is rationalizing your inability to continue with the crimes."

Matt sighed, lowering his head to look at Light again. "What did it take, for your mind to change?"

"Death. I, however, was a much worse criminal than you had been. I think with a bit more maturity, you might overcome it. I wonder, if it had been you who took the scars for Mello, would you have confessed to your crimes afterwards?" Light tilted his head to the side.

There was a moment of silence. "Maybe," he sighed softly. "My burns were nothing compared to his. Though for a little while, I did toy with the idea of telling him, letting him decide what to do from there."

"Perhaps you're onto something. It might be best to put the leash in his hands. Metaphorically speaking," Light gave a small nod.

"He'd throw it in my face if I did that," Matt scoffed.

"I never said you should start there," Light chuckled. "Friendship first, deeper emotions later. It'll take a bit even for him to consider you an acquaintance again, I'm willing to bet. Take things slow and you'll start to find a path that's walkable."

"You really are cut out for this Watari thing, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Light shrugged. "He told me that I would be able to help anyone that... strayed because I've been there myself. L, on the other hand, is the moral guidepost."

That one had Matt chuckling. "Weird, but it fits. Especially since you two are hitched. Mello and I were... more or less."

"No, you weren't. Marriage is a union of equals," Light replied with a shake of his head. "You clearly and intentionally kept the upper hand. It was a relationship, a strong and committed relationship, but not a marriage."

"Yeah? I'll see what he thinks of that logic. He's pissed as hell, by the way, but he's in good shape physically and mentally. He's all right, even if he is trying to pull away from people," Matt smiled weakly.

"Near told us how he found out, so I understand. You can tell him whatever you like about this visit, and let him know that I'll visit him as well if he contacts me. I'd like to see with my own eyes just how well he's doing but I'd rather not go against his wishes to do so. He'll be wanting his privacy about now and too much of that has been taken from him in this setting," Light rose.

"I'll do that, and thanks. For visiting, I mean. Last visitor I had was Near, while Mello was in confinement for punching me the first time. It's the only two visits I've gotten, in all these years," Matt shook his head.

"Well then, I'll see you next week. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to bring?" Light straightened his blazer.

"You know, some chocolate wouldn't be half bad," Matt grinned, waving a quick goodbye and returning to the guards at the door. He was escorted back to the range where he went to the metal benches, plopping down next to Mello.

"Light says he'll visit, if you give him a call."

Mello cast a sidelong glance at Matt. "Is that so? And what did he have to say to the likes of you?"

"It was a scolding, mostly," Matt shrugged, turning his head to look at Mello. "You really so pissed at me over thinking you'd go for Near?"

The glare that Mello leveled on him was answer enough.

"Jeeze. Better than saying I thought you'd go for Linda or something, isn't it?" Matt pouted.

"At least she was pretty!" Mello scoffed.

Matt laughed warmly. "Yeah. First kiss, remember?" he teased easily.

"You're such a jerk," Mello shook his head, returned his gaze to the television screen. "Anyway, I plan on dropping below the radar again after this, go to another country or something."

"Why are you hiding?" The words were soft, almost lost in the noise of conversation on the range.

The silence that spread between them lasted for nearly an hour. "I don't want to be close to anyone."

"You don't want to be hurt again," Matt sighed, glancing at Mello again. "I can't hurt you anymore, you know that. The others, L, Light, even Near. They wouldn't think of it in the first place."

"Light might," Mello glanced at Matt.

"Nah, I don't think so. Not anymore. He had a piece of the weapon in his watch when he went to meet Near in London. I doubt anyone else even remembers it's still there," Matt replied easily.

"The weapons are gone. All of them," Mello shook his head. "Someone was sent to take them back to where they belong."

"I wonder if they took that last piece, too?" Matt wondered aloud.

"Don't know, don't care. If it's that small, it can't do too much harm."

"One person is harm enough," Matt countered. "If he used it on you, I'd probably go insane."

Mello snorted softly, folding his arms over his chest. "Then it would be worth it."

"You're so cold."

"It's your fault, you know," Mello snapped, glowering at Matt.

"Hey, it isn't my fault you didn't get over me. If you'd been smart enough to stick around the people who care about you, you'd be back to normal by now," Matt snapped.

"I was never normal because of you!" A few of the other inmates paused to watch the escalating argument.

"Don't blame me for your own hang ups," Matt scolded.

"Don't blame you?" Mello all but exploded, rising to his feet. "How isn't it your fault? Ever since that first week, when you chained me to the fucking sink, it's been your god damned fault!"

"We both know you could have outlasted me," his voice had become soft and even, low with warning.

"Bullshit," Mello bit out. "If it was just a matter of outlasting, that was one thing, but you manipulated me. You went to great lengths just to bend my mind to your fucking will, you knew me. You knew the right words, the right actions to make me start thinking the way you wanted me to. You knew just what the fuck to do and you did it!"

"Are you going to stand there and tell me you didn't like it?" Matt raised an eyebrow.

"I only liked it because you made me think that way!" Mello turned, storming off to his cell, throwing his pillow against the wall and, in a fit of rage, pulling down the Christmas card to tear it to shreds. He threw the remains on Matt's bed and climbed into his own with a huff, glaring at the ceiling as he heard Matt come into the cell.

Guilt twisted in his gut as he heard Matt sit down, heard the slide of paper as he gathered the remains of the card.

Mello wouldn't apologize, but he did roll onto his side and stuff his face into his pillow. He was going to do some serious harm to whoever the fuck set this up. He didn't care if it was Near, L or Light anymore.

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A/N: And more Mello/Matt pissiness to end the chapter! Like I said, I still haven't decided on a pairing, if any, for this story, so we will just have to see.