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Remember	By : tutyfrty Category: +. to F > Ai no Kusabi Views: 2874 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don’t own the story or the characters from the Anime, Ai no Kusabi by Reiko Yoshihara or the stories & characters from Kira Takenouchi’s Taming Riki site, nor do I profit from writing about them.

Chapter List
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Riki remembers
I remember how excited I was to give Guy the top of the line bike for our fifth anniversary. He wanted it so badly but I had refused to buy it because I was afraid it was too much for him even with the special controls to accommodate the fact that he only had one arm. Then I decided to give it to him for our eighth anniversary and of course I bought one for myself. We took them out the next day and planned to be away for the entire week. Guy loved to test the limits of a new bike and on the third day he really opened it up and I followed suit. We were on an open road with no speed limit, it was a sunny day, a clear sky, an open road, no one else in sight, we roared down the road. I remember Guy had taken off his helmet, he hated to wear one and would gladly pay any fine for being caught without one. NO matter how much I nagged, he always managed to ride without his helmet most of the time. He was ahead of me as we approached a turn, as he began the turn he looked back at me and smiled, a second later he hit a patch of gravel. I watched in horror as his bike went into a slide.
I remember that, again it seemed as if time slowed until I could clearly see everything that was happening. As if I was standing outside of myself I could see as I watched Guy’s bike go down and as he was dragged along for what seemed like miles. I could see in slow motion how his head hit the pavement and bounced up then down again hard, he was certainly out when it hit the first time, I could see blood on the side of his head as it was being dragged on the pavement. In another second, seeing what was happening to his body as his bike dragged him along, in that second I prayed that he was dead from slamming his head so hard. There were sparks as the bike slid along the road shredding the whole side of his clothing, his leather coat and pants, his heavy biker boots, his skin, the side of his face. I jammed on my brakes and almost went into a slide myself but I managed to right my bike and come to a stop just before I got to the site where Guy lay silent and still beside that damn bike, there was blood all over the pavement. A passing motorist stopped and called for assistance for an ambulance or, I heard him suggest a hover chopper for quicker transport. I was almost numb, this couldn’t be happening. No! not Guy don’t take him too! I knelt down and felt for a pulse calling his name over and over but he didn’t move or open his eyes or have a pulse and I remembered that moment in time as I watched him being dragged by his bike and I had hoped he was already dead, “God no please don’t give me this wish.” I gathered his bleeding body into my arms, kissed his mouth one last time and rocked him as I cried. I remember the helpful motorist suggesting that perhaps I shouldn’t move him, that I would injure him more, “how was that possible?” Or get blood all over me, what did that matter? it was Guy’s blood. It was my blood. “Guy don’t leave me!” I screamed but he didn’t hear me. I think that they had to pry my arms from around his body after they sedated me to stop my screams.
I remember when I woke up there was Katze, Daryl, Odi and Tai at my bedside and my Furniture Adam, all looking concerned. When I sat up and threw back the covers, they surged forward as if to push me back into bed. I held up my hand to fend them off.
“NO, I don’t need to be in bed, there’s nothing wrong with me. Where is he?” I wanted to know where Guy was, where his body was. Katze answered,
“He’s at the mortuary; you’ve been out for a day. I set the funeral for two days from now if that’s OK with you.”
As I stood everything began to whirl around, I grabbed the post of the headboard and hung on until finally the world came to a stop. “I want to go see him.”
Katze cleared his throat, “uhhhhh, Riki I don’t believe the body is viewable.”
“I know that, I was there remember? When he was covered in blood? When his skin was shredded from his body? Will you take me to him or do I have to take a hovercab?”
Giving in to the inevitable, Katze called for our car. Neither of us spoke as we traveled to the mortuary until we arrived. As we sat for a few minutes in front of the building where my lover and friend lay, I spoke.
“Katze, I want you to know that I don’t blame you for what happened that day. You were only doing what Iason ordered you to do. I’m sorry that I’ve been so distant since then, but seeing you and the others always made that day come to life for me again. It hurt so bad. I should have realized that Iason wouldn’t run but that he would do everything he could to protect me. He always was a sneaky Bastard. Its been almost ten years now and in the deepest part of my mind I’ve always hoped that he would remember me again, Guy knew that. He said once that he hoped he died first so that he wouldn’t be alive when I went back to Iason. He never believed that I wouldn’t do that to him but I really would have stayed with him even if Iason came and begged me to go with him. No matter how much I love him I wouldn’t voluntarily leave Guy because I loved him first, just not the best. I remember always that the difference in them was that Iason took my life, Guy gave it to me. The first time I didn’t have any choice about leaving him, but afterwards there was no way that I could go back to him without telling him what I was and then he and the other Bison would have kicked my ass all over Ceres and despised me. I was too much of a coward to let that happen.”
“Then, I was going so crazy over losing Iason and when he finally came, Guy was in such desperate straits that we were forced to accept each other as we were, taking the good with the bad. I was so grateful when you went to see him and brought him back with you. I was so messed up that I never thought of what Guy might be going through even though I know what Ceres will do to the weak. When I saw him I knew that we could save each other and that I still loved him just as I still loved Iason. Now they’re both gone from me and the worst part of it is that Guy got his wish, even though I would have never left him again, he was afraid of it to the point where it would haunt him some days and drive him as crazy as I was about never being with Iason again. I will always regret that he didn’t believe me. Another thing that I regret everyday is that I never got to tell Iason just how much I love him, that thought stabs my heart, and the fact that I could never convince Guy that I would never leave him as long as we both lived even if Iason were to remember me and come for me. I’m all alone again Katze but this time I won’t shut you or the others out, I can’t do that any more and survive, if you will still give me your friendship and not despise me for being such a jerk after I lost Iason.”

“I remember when the news of Jupiter’s defeat was announced, my heart leaped in my chest. My first thought was, “Now Iason and I can be together again and live without fear,” then my next thought was that I couldn’t do that to Guy, throw him away when it seemed I didn’t need him anymore, because, I really did love him and need him. And then I remembered that Iason doesn’t even remember/know me, that those five years are just a shadow in the back of his mind, if even that. Now Guy is dead and I’m alone but I don’t want to go crazy again so I will need my friends to keep me sane. I realize that you might not want to be my friend anymore but I hope that you will give me a second chance to show you that I love all of you too and need you so much. Please, can you forgive me for being so remote after Iason was mindwiped, I’m begging you to help me get through the loss of Guy so I don’t go crazy with grief, I don’t think I’ll survive it alone again. I remember how moved I was when Katze’s answer was to surround me with his warm arms and let me cry on his shoulder for what seemed like hours before we went in to see Guy’s body.
The funeral was a private affair, Katze wasn’t able to locate any of Guy’s and my old gang, The Bison, who might be left after all these years. So it was me and Katze, Daryl, Tai, Odi and Adam. Furniture weren’t supposed to attend funerals but he and Guy had hit it off and become good friends over the years, so he was welcome to be there to bid Guy goodbye with the rest of us. It was pouring rain and I was glad there was a canopy over the grave because Guy hated rain. That was one of our slight differences, I loved the rain and I remembered that Iason love the rain too. We used to go out when it was raining and walk for hours.
“Iason, I still miss you so much and now I will miss Guy too, just as much.”
When it was over, I leaned on Katze shoulder to help me walk away without collapsing. There was no one who loved me anymore. Oh I had my friends, my select tiny group of friends who cared for me as deeply as I cared for them. I didn’t know what I would do if they left me too but there was no one who’s arms I could lay in, no one whose very scent meant security and happiness to me. To be safe in another’s arms as I was in Iason’s and in Guy’s, I didn’t realize just how precious that was until I had neither to hold me ever again.
Maybe I would try traveling again, get away for awhile from the things that reminded me of the two men I loved with all my heart and had lost. I think that given time I could get used to being alone this time. Actually, I really didn’t want anyone that close again. When I lost Iason and then Guy it was so fucking painful that I wondered if I could ever go through it again. God! it hurt so bad but I knew that in time I would be able to bury the hurt and go on alone because I was tough, a mongrel, Riki the Dark. I would live and in living, I would remember those two men whom I loved so much and in remembering, they would still live as long as I did. Remembering was another kind of loving. I remember how I came to that conclusion as I walked away from Guy, determined to keep both of them, Iason as I remembered him and Guy as I would remember him, alive in my heart forever.
I remember how I stopped and let Katze go on ahead of me as I turned to look back on my past, to make peace with it, to say my final farewell to my first and last lover and the Blondie in the middle of those precious times, as I looked back I got a chill that ran up and down my spine. Beside Guy’s grave was a Blondie I recognized, just standing in the rain watching me with knowing eyes. He knew me! Iason knew who I was! I saw it in his eyes. I slipped and went down on one knee as I started back at a run as fast as I could. I ran as if I was afraid that he would disappear before my eyes. I was afraid that he would disappear. When I got close enough to see the tears in his eyes, I launched myself into his arms and he caught me as I knew he would. I sobbed into his neck. “You remember, you remember, you Bastard. You remembered all the time!” I laughed and I cried and I whispered, “Iason, I love you.”
I remember it was a strange moment of incredible sorrow, being at Guy’s gravesite and incredible joy in having Iason’s arms around me, incredible joy that I never thought I would ever feel again. It was a bittersweet moment that I hope I will always…Remember.
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