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How to Save a Life	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 4511 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter List
- 4
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Chapter 5�Cries in the Dark

Did you ever wonder
if the person in the puddle is real, and you�re just a reflection of him?

�� ---
Calvin and Hobbes

September 14

If there was one thing Yuu didn't like, it was people.
And not just people, but crowds of them. He liked quiet, and the idiots
chattered and laughed away at such a loud volume that he could barely hear
himself think. Added to that was the fact that they were all younger than him,
and they all acted like the stupid college fools they were. Each time he saw a
face, it brought others to mind, the bodiless creatures that haunted him during
both his waking and sleeping hours. Every time someone brushed against him, it
reminded him of how horrible the faces' slimy touches felt. And
the pain and disorientation. And how everything just
spun around in a blur of strange colors and the ever constant ache that
echoed out from his wrists and ankles, seeping down into his elbows and
shoulders, knees and hips, until all he could feel was the numbness.

He remembered the first time someone had tried to touch him after it had all
happened. It had been a nurse, if he recalled correctly. He'd flinched,
screamed, thrashed about until something was injected and all was spinning
again. It was much the same now, though he had substituted some of the drugs
for exhaustion. The pull of Vicodin, however, was
strong, and he pulled the bottle from a pocket in his backpack, hating himself
as he popped a pill into his mouth. Within minutes, the slight tremors running
up and down his limbs dulled. Replacing the bottle of pills, he cursed his
idiot roommate for being late.

It had only been three days. Each time he was alone, he couldn't keep his mind
off the drug, and each time he took one, he got more and more hooked. He
remembered the days when, even under the Lotus's healing powers, he could last
almost two weeks without another pill. It didn't help that his body still
craved other, stronger drugs. When Lavi was there, it was easier to control the
cravings. The redhead had a way of distracting him from his weaknesses. He
hadn't even needed to take a knife to himself in over a week.

It was progress, he supposed, even if it was slow.

"Hey!" Someone shouted. Yuu ignored it, assuming some idiot was
calling to his equally asinine friend. "Hey, you with
the long hair!" The voice was quieter now and far closer than Yuu
would have liked.

Looking up, the Japanese boy noted a boy had come up to his table with a tray
full of food. "May I... help you?" He asked coldly, gritting his
teeth. He had only agreed to eat the ghastly dorm food so that he had time to
talk with Lavi. They'd become a lot closer since he'd first opened up after the
disastrous dinner with Tiedoll�and especially after Lavi had come back drunk�and
he wasn't about to go back on his word to have lunch with the red-haired idiot.
If the boy would ever show up.

"I thought you could use some company, you looked kinda lonely."

Oh God, no. He did not need this right now. It was different from when the
girls came up to "talk" with him. He'd known his sexual orientation for
a while, and though he wasn't flamboyant about it, girls had no effect on him.
He wasn't particularly attracted to boys, either, but every once in a while,
someone struck his eye, just as Lavi had. Of course, he'd never actually liked
anyone before his roommate. That had been a complete shock to him. And it was
having its effects on him. Already, his protective barriers, the walls around
his heart that kept all the hurt and anguish away, were starting to break down.
When he looked at a crowd, he didn't just see the faces and people who could
hurt him. Now he could see that some people could be trusted, at least to an
extent.

But the boy who was setting his tray down was not one of those people.
He was a disgusting excuse for a person, a predator, and he was going to say
something lewd in an attempt to "get with" him.

"I'm waiting for someone," Yuu finally said, his voice ever colder.
He didn't even bother to glare up at the other boy, deeming him a waste of
time. It was how he always got through situations like this, ever since he�d
hit puberty, when people had first started paying attention to him.

"Well, could I keep you company until then?" The boy insisted.

He was not going to give this idiot any response that remotely hinted at
interest. He put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his hand, glaring
at the moron who didn't seem to get the hint. He looked even more interested
now, which didn't make much sense. They stared, or in Yuu's case scowled,
at each other for a few moments, the boy mirroring him, with his head resting
in his hand. The stubborn boy decided that it would be a good idea to reach
over and run his hands through the strands of hair framing his face.

He had just been about to reach for Mugen, which he had had to place on the
seat next to him because the tables were too low, when an arm snaked around his
neck. Looking up, he saw bright red hair and an overly fake smile and was
suddenly extremely relieved. He really hadn't wanted to kill the stupid boy in
front of him.

"Hey, Yuu-chan, sorry I'm late, had some things to take care of." Yuu
was so relieved to hear the redhead's voice that he couldn't bring himself to
shrug the arm away. "This guy botherin'
ya? Beat it, kid."

The offender quickly grabbed his uneaten tray of food and slunk away.

"You alright?" Lavi asked under his breath
as he took his arm away. Yuu wanted to feel relieved at the lack of contact,
but he didn't, another example of just how cracked his
armor was. He needed to stop himself from being so stupid. Liking a Bookman
meant liking someone without a heart. It was even worse than liking nobody at
all.

"Fine," the Japanese boy responded curtly, shrugging. And of course,
because of stupid feelings that shouldn't have been there, when Lavi's hand
patted his shoulder gently, he didn't feel anything but a small spark�he didn't
even flinch. The other boy sat down across from him, laying down a veritable
mountain of books before mumbling something and speeding off into the food
lines. Yuu watched with grim satisfaction as Lavi beat the boy who'd been
annoying him to the last slice of cheesecake.

The redhead returned minutes later, his plate loaded in disgusting, overcooked,
too-oily food. Yuu had to avert his eyes as Lavi literally sucked it
down. It reminded him vaguely of a vacuum cleaner.

"Whass' wong, 'Uu?" The idiot asked, his
mouth full of macaroni and cheese. "You look 'orrified."

"Che," he said, making no attempt to hide his disgust. He'd
tried to eat the food himself, but after waiting for a while, the oils and fats
had started to separate, and the sight had been too
much for him to bear. With a scowl, he had dumped his uneaten tray into the
dish line.

There were several minutes of silence, wherein Lavi half-slurped, half-ate what
was left on his plate. With a satisfied sigh, he smiled and looked at Yuu
again. "It's so good to have time to eat."

The Japanese boy eyed him strangely, but they couldn't talk openly, not while
they were in public. It wasn't that Lavi hid the fact that he was heir to a
Bookman, but it wasn't common knowledge either. Actually, Yuu was pretty sure
the only reason he knew was because Lavi had labeled his boxes things
like Bookman shit and stuff Bookman made me bring. And while
Bookmen weren't exactly hidden from the public, few knew about them. Yuu only
knew because--

He stopped that thought cold. The investigation had become cold only a week or
two after it had begun. There was no point dredging up painful memories,
especially when Lavi had that observational glint in his green eye, the one
that hardened and flattened it, making it look dull and lifeless.

"So, what was that guy's problem?" Lavi asked, though Yuu knew just
as well as the redhead what it was.

"Just an asshole," Yuu muttered.

"Looked like he was tryin' to pick y'up," the apprentice Bookman noted sagely. Yuu shot
him a glare, not really caring for Lavi's fake antics.

"Che."

"Didn't look like you were interested, though."
It was as if Lavi was trying to get him to expand upon those simple statements.
But of course, he wouldn't. There was no reason to. The facts had already been
said; he need not add more. An uncomfortable silence hovered over them as they
sat, both unsure as to whether they should adjourn.

A young woman sat down at the table next to theirs. Yuu needed something to
look at that wasn't the redhead, so he watched as she withdrew a small
electronic device from her backpack and proceeded to test her blood sugar. Her
brow wrinkled at the number produced and withdrew from the backpack a tiny
refrigerated pack that obviously contained insulin. He watched as she unwrapped a sterile needle, filled it, and then injected
herself. The dark-haired man heard a small, almost disgruntled sound from
next to him, and he decided it was time to look back at the apprentice Bookman.
Looking away for some time was rude, and while he may be many things, asshole
included, he tried not to be rude to someone he could quite possibly classify
as a friend.

At first glance, nothing was wrong. The redhead seemed to be staring intently
at the girl across from them. But Yuu had spent enough time with the boy to see
that something was definitely upsetting him. His hand was twitching slightly,
which he was covered up by tapping on the table. The other discrepancy was
something only Yuu and Bookman would have been able to see. It was the fact
that Lavi's smile, while always fake, was now obviously so, his lip twitching
and any vestige of light gone from his eye. The eye gave away the fact that
Lavi had lost his persona. There was genuine fear hidden there, buried under
the heavy layers of falsity.

The young woman nonchalantly pulled out another container, this one bright red
with a biohazard symbol on it, and absently tossed the used needle in.
Replacing her equipment back in her backpack, her face lit up in a smile, and
she walked off, presumably to go grab some food. Lavi let out a quiet breath,
his shoulders relaxing somewhat as he got up to leave, obviously too unnerved
to stay at the table. Grabbing his things, the Japanese boy followed Lavi's
relentless pace until they reached the dorm room. Once the door was shut, Lavi
gasped for air, no longer containing whatever reaction he'd just had to the
diabetic girl. He began to shake, leaning against the wall next to the doorway.
He seemed unable to talk.

Yuu didn't know what to do. It wasn't like he was exactly trained to deal with
idiots who suddenly just started acting strangely.

He pushed the redhead, who had begun to slide down the wall,
over to the little corner the man had made for himself, hoping that would calm
him down enough to explain why he had been so disturbed. Yuu remembered Lavi's
screams--he knew the idiot was afraid of needles, but to be afraid of something
to the point of hyperventilation had to mean a pretty traumatic experience.

Thankfully, the attack stopped quickly, much faster than when
Lavi had been drunk and disoriented. The attack was different, too,
something closer along the lines to what happened to him when the faces got too
close, when he could feel the chains, when the cold permeated his skin so
deeply that he feared his bones would ice over, when the pain and the addiction
and the hurt all became too much for his broken mind to handle. Slowly, tremors
began to shake his skin, and try as he might to hold them back, they got
stronger as faces appeared on the walls and on the posters and in the window.

He blinked and Lavi was in front of him, fear still raw on his face, concern
barely touching his eye. He blinked again and Lavi's arms were wrapped tightly
around him, shaking body against shaking body. It struck Yuu, then, that
perhaps they weren't so very different, that underneath all the masks was a
pain few others could touch upon, that in them both was something that could
not be expressed in words or art or music or anything but the emotions
themselves. Yuu was cold and Lavi was warm, and he imagined it seemed much the
same to the redhead. Without realizing it, his arms clung at Lavi's back,
fisting as soon as they'd found a good hold in the boy's tight shirt.

Life had disappointed them both, led them down paths they should not have been
forced to take.

"I h-h-hate needles," Lavi said, his voice quivering both with the
movements from his body and some great, dark fear of which the Japanese boy
could only see the barest hints. It was like a great, hulking black iceberg of
terror, and Yuu, like most of those above sea level, could only see the exposed
tip. "B-B-Bookman uses them on me f-for acupuncture. Th-that
wouldn't be so bad, b-but... e-every time I slip, he pokes m-me in the worst
pr-pressure points. O-o-only, I sl-slip a l-l-l-lot, so it's often necessary. Sometimes, he adds dr-drugs, a-and I don't know where I am, or wh-who I
am, or even wh-wh-what I
am. It's not th-that he's abusive or�or anything, but he u-uses them as
r-r-reinforcements."

Yuu felt he needed to say something. After all, pressed up against Lavi as he
was, the redhead could definitely tell that most of the shaking was from the
Japanese boy. "I hate chains," he said in a hushed voice, knowing his
tone was haunted, like a soldier explaining the horrors he'd seen on a
battlefield. He didn't elaborate, he couldn't, and Lavi seemed to understand.

---

September 17

It was weird, the strange companionship they'd formed.
Yuu didn't normally get close to people, but for some reason, he couldn't help
but be drawn to Lavi. When the redhead began screaming at night, usually sometime
around four in the morning, Yuu would rise from his bed�he normally got his
sleep in catnaps during the day, still unable to feel comfortable enough in the
loud dorms�and wake the other boy. They talked, normally about stupid,
inconsequential things, while the Japanese boy studied
or drew and while Lavi did his logs.

The strangest thing was that Yuu didn't feel like he had to hide himself at
all. There were things he could not tell Tiedoll or Lenalee or any of the other
people in his makeshift 'family,' and for the same faraway reason that the
companionship had formed, Yuu found himself completely at ease around the
redhead, like the other boy could maybe understand that he wasn't whole. No, he
couldn't trust the idiot with his full story, but he could tell him about the
chains, about his parents, maybe even about the faces. Maybe he could mention
the cellar, bit by bit tell his roommate things he couldn't bear to let Lenalee
know.

A thin, fragile tendril of trust was binding itself to their frail hearts. It
was mutual, and anything could break it. For the first time in his life, Yuu
didn't want it to break.

Of course, there was also the annoying persona to deal with, the one that was
currently bouncing around the room like an overactive rabbit as it got dressed
in a flamboyant, ruffled button-up shirt in a deep, royal purple and a
surprisingly mundane pair of blue jeans. With one last look at himself in the
mirror, Lavi waved and ran from the room.

Yuu spent the next few hours finishing his homework. It was nice having peace
and quiet for once, not having the idiot leaning over his shoulder, asking him
what he was working on because he was bored and had finished his homework in
that inhumanly fast way he had. As he set down his pencil, he decided it was
time to get a few hours of sleep, as he'd only taken a small nap just after
breakfast. With Lavi out of the room, the silence and darkness was enough for
him to fall into a peaceful but light sleep.

At first, he was swirling through a minefield of faces, but then a rhythmic
knocking began. Immediately, his eyes snapped open, his heart racing as he
identified the sound. Checking the clock, he noted the time: eleven oh four PM.
He'd been asleep twenty minutes, at most. Sighing, he sat up, giving up on the
idea of sleep, and walked over to the door. The lock came undone with a
clicking sound, though Yuu hadn't even touched the door yet. Perhaps Tiedoll
had stolen his key long enough to make a copy. It sounded like the stupid kind
of things the old Frenchman usually did.

To his surprise, he was not bowled over as the door opened. Instead, all he saw
was a fine spike of gray hair. Looking down, he saw Lavi's guardian, Bookman.
The crazy man usually came every Thursday, but Yuu had thought he wouldn't come
this week, as he hadn't yet made an appearance. Apparently he'd been wrong.

They stared at each other for a moment, until the old man sighed and pushed
past him, walking over to Lavi's side of the room. Yuu was hoping to avoid open
hostilities with a man that Lavi most obviously feared, but he didn't like the
way the short man was looking at him. He felt like he was being examined, which
was very likely the case. It felt like the Bookman was looking through him,
down to his very core, and digging away the secrets with only one glace. It was
unnerving and unwanted. The old man did not need to know, and he was suddenly
glad that Lavi had made him hide his Lotus last week. That was something no one
could know about. It was something not even he himself understood completely.

Bookman bent over the redhead's box labeled Bookman Shit and extracted a
week's worth of notebooks. He skimmed through them quickly, checking to see if
they were up to par. Then he did something Yuu was not expecting; he sat
down and started asking him questions.

"Has my apprentice been acting strangely?" Nothing in the old man's
tone gave away why he was asking. It could have been that he knew Lavi had been
slipping, or he was asking to see if Yuu had noticed, to see just what his
apprentice's roommate knew. He had to answer carefully, or else Lavi would be
the one to suffer, and as heartless as Yuu could be towards people, he was not
cruel enough to subject someone to what they feared the most.

"No, he's an idiot, just like always," Yuu responded, sounding as
uninterested and sleepy as possible.

Bookman made a low interested noise, making his hair twitch. "He hasn't
skipped classes or... been seeing anyone?"

"Che. How should I know what he does when
he's not here? Hell, he's got plenty of girls hanging off him when he
goes out, who knows?" Yuu shrugged, hoping his lie
was convincing enough. He didn't even know Lavi's schedule.

The old man nodded at that. "Well, boys will be boys," he commented
dryly before standing up gingerly. Yuu could almost hear the old man's bones
creaking with the movement.

He walked over to the door, giving the room one more sweep, before opening the
door. He paused at the threshold.

"Didn't you have a flower on your shelf the last time I was here?"

Yuu felt his heart skip. Lavi had warned him about Bookman finding out about
his Lotus, he had to think of a convincing lie.

"It died, forgot to water it," Yuu answered nonchalantly.

Bookman seemed to think about the answer for a moment, but then he turned on
his heel and left, the door closing with a loud click.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, Lavi reappeared, slamming the door open and
practically hyperventilating as he threw himself down on his bed, his face
every bit the terrified teenager.

"H-he was there," the redhead panted by way of explanation. "Had to... run."

"Che." Because there was nothing else
to say, and he was still weirded out by Bookman's
strange visit.

"It was a good thing Tyki didn't... see me. I mean, if Bookman found out
someone was stalking me, that would really end
badly." Lavi shuddered, then began unbuttoning
his shirt. Yuu had to look away as the garment fell unceremoniously to the
floor, followed by the white undershirt he'd worn beneath it. It wasn't that he
particularly cared, but Lavi noticed a lot of things, and if the redhead caught
him staring, that would lead to awkward questions. Instead, he pretended to be
uninterested and went back to his sketchpad, trying to decide what kind of wine
would complement cheesecake the best.

"Oh, good, the Old Panda stopped by," Lavi said excitedly, pulling
open the box next to his bed and sniffing deeply. "I thought I caught the
scent of his hair gel when I walked in."

Yuu snorted. "He uses too much."

"I know," the apprentice Bookman agreed, laughing along with him.
"I always tell him to use less, but he never listens. Something about
'older and wiser...'"

"He asked me if you were acting strangely," Yuu commented.

Lavi froze, his eye widening, and he looked over at Yuu.

"He suspects something. What did you say?"

"That I have no idea and that you are an idiot.
He asked me if you were going to classes or if you were seeing anyone. I told
him I had no idea and that it was likely because you're such a skirt
chaser."

That seemed to calm the redhead down slightly, but Yuu could tell the news had
unnerved him. He didn't mention Bookman asking about his Lotus. That was just
one other thing Lavi didn't need to worry about.

"I'll just have to be more careful, then; he's watching more than I
expected him too."

Yuu nodded and picked up his sketchbook again, and the two lapsed into silence
as Lavi began his logs.

---

September 18

Lavi was bored. He was bored and did not want to be in class. The
downside of college was that he had to learn far slower than his own pace.
Already, he was at least three semesters' worth of classes into his study of
Arabic, and yet the rest of the class was still studying basic directions and
places to go. He'd finished his textbook during the first week of classes. For
the first time, Lavi was almost regretting his decision to come to college. Almost. Because he was glad to be away from Bookman, and if
he was honest with himself, he really liked living with Kanda. The man was
quiet and easy to get along with, if Lavi was genuine.

Well, who needed Arabic anyway? It was fifteen after three, almost a third of
the class was over, and he didn't trust himself to sit still. Well, 'Lavi'
never sat still, per se, but there was no way he could sit through this dull
class any longer. Sighing, he sat up, trying his best to look pale--which
wasn't hard, given his fair skin tone�and sick.

"Uh, professor? Yeah, I'm gonna throw up, so I'll
be goin' now, 'kay?"
He said, putting a convincing quaver in his voice and bobbing his neck forward
in a way that implied impending sickness. Grabbing his books, he ran out of his
classroom and to the nearest bathroom. He thought he was quite convincing. He
walked shakily out of the facilities, just in case anyone had followed him.

He took an alternate route back through the quad and to his dorm, following a
little-known path that took him around the rec
center. It was a given that he wouldn't be attending any of his evening
classes, and since he was going to go with Lizzie and another couple people
from their dorm to a party at Omega Pi, it made sense not to go anyway.

Walking past the large gymnasium, he heard the sound of
wood clashing with wood through one of the open windows. Pausing for a moment,
Lavi decided that he could indulge his curiosity for a little while. He pulled
open the door to the tiny dojo behind the gym and walked inside.

It was almost stiflingly hot as if some nutter had blown up the air conditioning unit as had
happened last week in their dorm. It still smelled of burning coolant and the
sweat of too many teenagers.

But his annoyance was soon shoved into the far, far
reaches of his endless mind as he recognized one of the students. Black hair
captured in a ponytail flew past his opponent�s face, the ends dancing over the
poor shrimpy kid�s nose. The wooden practice sword
acted as an extension of the black-haired boy�s arm as he twirled and finished
his movement, falling into a defensive stance. His opponent leaped forward, and
the black-haired boy shifted lithely to one side, his hair following him again
like a ribbon. His body glistened with sweat, his face
was drawn in concentration, his eyes�so dark with millions of layers of mystery
and intrigue�were focused solely upon one thing: victory.

Shirtless save for a small length of bandaging around his
chest, Kanda Yuu parried and struck his opponent down with a decisive blow. The
shrimpy boy let out a grunt and dropped his practice
sword, very obviously defeated.

Turning curtly, Kanda scowled at everything and everyone
until the instructor, a wizened old Taiwanese man, came over and critiqued his
movements. It was amazing to Lavi, whose mouth had fallen open at some point,
how polite and poised Kanda was, nodding and accepting his faults and then
falling into a stance so that the old man could show him what he�d done wrong.
The dark-haired boy�s eyes widened, cleared a little as they grew brighter with
understanding, and he gave the man a tiny smile before bowing and thanking him.

The Taiwanese man smiled back up at Kanda before moving
away to help the shrimpy kid the dark-haired boy had
been paired with. With a quiet sigh, Kanda�s shoulders relaxed, and he fell
into a more casual position as he waited for his partner to become free again.
He stiffened somewhat when his gaze fell on Lavi, but after a moment, he relaxed
and walked up to the redhead, still breathing heavily.

�What are you doing here?� Kanda asked,
his tone accusatory. But there was a slight difference. His eyes were light,
not hinting at the annoyance that should have been there. It was as if the
other boy was acting for the sake of not giving up his cranky asshole image.

�Couldn�t stand Arabic, so I decided to
skip. Took a prettier path back, and who should I meet but my dearest
Yuu-chan-san!� Lavi exclaimed, throwing his arms around the other boy. He smelled
of sweat and cinnamon, and he was grimy and gross, but Lavi ignored it. For
some reason, Kanda was always very, very warm, very, very calming.

�Get off of me, you idiot!� Kanda growled and pushed Lavi
away. And since he was in his persona and could, he let himself hit the ground
with a thud, even though it was padded.

�Ahhh, Yuu-chan, you�re mean!!!
And after I went through all the effort of coming to visit you, what with my
busy schedule and everything!� He pouted from the floor, turning the full force
of his ire, which was a surprising amount considering he shouldn�t be feeling
anything at all, toward Kanda.

The dark-haired boy didn�t seem fazed, merely scoffed and
walked away, returning to his training. Lavi pouted again but made himself comfortable on the mats. The redhead watched in awe
as his roommate took down all the other students in turn. He wondered why he
couldn�t stop staring at Kanda. When he thought about it, no logical
explanation came to mind, only another hot, sweaty image of his dark-haired
�friend.�

At four o�clock, the class�most of which, thanks to
Kanda, was the worse for wear�lined up in front of a butch blond man who had
been belting instructions at a less experienced group in the far corner. The
Taiwanese man, obviously some kind of assistant for the more advanced group,
simply bowed and left, but the bulky blond kept the rest of the class there as
he listed off announcements and other such things that Lavi tuned out.
Afterward, the class bowed as one and left for the changing rooms.

When Kanda emerged barely five minutes later, Lavi began
to follow him back to the dorm.

�Wow, Yuu, you�re really good!� He enthused, not entirely
sure if the sentiment was genuine or not. It was very apparent that Kanda was
far above average, skill-wise, but the way he moved with the sword had been
amazing in itself, and the redhead had found himself completely captivated in a
way the record had never been able to.

It was different than the wars he�d seen, the sniper
shots, the bombings, the guns. It was an almost beautiful form of fighting, one Lavi found himself wishing he saw more often.

Almost immediately, he was disgusted. Used in battle, the
very thought of swords, archery, and other old methods of fighting made him
ill. The smell of blood, the strings of gore, the shards of bones, and the
yells of soldiers in pain would always be the same, regardless of the weapon.
Putting swords into practical use would tear the beauty from them, take away
from the fluidity and sleekness of each move, each form.

�Che.
Whatever.� Lavi knew by now that Kanda was just avoiding having to thank him
for the compliment.�

They continued walking in silence for a few minutes;
students were still filing between classes, looking harried or confused. From
across the lawn he heard a distinct female voice.

�Lavi! Kanda! Wait for me!� The
brunette, Lizzie, from his German class came running up, followed closely
behind by an out-of-breath boy that Lavi recognized as Jason from four doors
down.

�Hey, Lizzie!� The redhead
called out, waving outrageously.

The petite Junior smiled at him
in acknowledgement.

�Are you two going to the party tonight? I hear it�s
gonna be a blast.��

Next to her, Jason was nodding enthusiastically.

�I haven�t thought about it; whaddaya
think Yuu?� He asked his reclusive roommate.

Lavi himself didn�t really want to go, even though he
should because it was good for the record and it wasn�t in his persona to
refuse and invitation, but he was still anxious about what had happened the
first time he had gone out. He knew with almost complete certainty that Tyki
would be there, and he did not what to repeat their last encounter.

�I�m not going.� Kanda mumbled and Lavi felt his persona
take complete control.

�Aww, come on, Yuu-chan, I wanna go! What if Tyki�s there? I need my big, strong
roommate to protect me!� He threw his arms around Kanda�s shoulders and felt
the dark-haired boy flinch.

�You�re taller than me, you idiot, and besides, it was
your own fault.�

�B-but� please? You never go out! Come on, just this
once?� He pleaded, putting on one of his most pathetic faces, and felt Lizzie
sidle up next to him, copying his expression completely.

�Yeah, come on Kanda, it�ll be lots of fun!�

Lavi could tell that at any moment his roommate was going
to give in to peer pressure.

�Fine, just leave me alone.� The dark-haired boy picked
up his pace and was almost out of sight by the time Lavi had said goodbye.

Arriving at the dorm a few minutes later, he found Kanda
on his bed, doing homework.

Pulling his persona off kicking and screaming, he relaxed, it had become such a relief not to have to maintain
his lie, although when it was replaced, it became even harder to keep it up.

Walking over to Kanda�s bed, he sat down on the edge and
watched as the Japanese boy did his Microeconomics homework. He was filling out
each answer quickly, as if it didn�t require that much thought. Occasionally,
he�d make an annoyed grunt, though Lavi had no idea how to interpret those. He
just figured the boy was frustrated that he had to be doing the homework in the
first place.

After a little bit, Kanda got up, grabbed his book bag,
and left. Lavi stared after his back for a minute before realizing that was not
what he was supposed to be doing and deciding to take out one of the books his
Master had left for him.

The book wasn�t entertaining in the least, but it gave
good points on the current direction of the economy, and it wasn�t completely
dry, so Lavi was okay with wasting a good couple of hours reading it. Kanda
returned when he was halfway finished, but the redhead ignored him. It wouldn�t
do him any good if he was distracted. Bookman would know, and if there was
anything that was terrifying to Lavi, it was the old man and his goddamned
needles, sharp and shining in the light before they were placed in all the
wrong pressure points.

By the time he was finished, there was just a half hour
�til nine, when he, Yuu, Lizzie, Jason, and whoever else was coming with them
would leave for the monstrous trek across campus to the frat houses.

Pulling on a lime green satin button-down, Lavi plastered
on his fake smile. He gave Kanda a cursory glance, simply because he was a
Bookman and that was what he did. His mouth went dry as his mind caught up with
his senses. Dressed in a tight-fitting black tee-shirt and dark blue jeans, his
hair falling sleekly to the small of his back, Kanda looked� more aesthetically
pleasing than usual. If Lavi wasn�t objective, he�d go as far as to say he
looked damn fetching.

But he was
objective.

So it was a moot point.

---

He hated people. But the one thing he hated more than
people was lots of people, crammed into a room the size of a water closet with
music loud enough to hear from the top of the Great Wall of China from ten
thousand miles away. And there were a lot of people. And they weren�t just
crammed, they were sardined. And it wasn�t a water
closet, it was a bathtub. And he was pretty sure the satellites would be
picking up the noise any second.

Yuu was able to ignore most of it, though. After all,
he�d lived with Daisya for years.

He chose a corner, sat on a fairly clean sofa, and began
to people watch.

He saw a girl from his Microeconomics class leaning so
far over that it would soon become likely that her chest would fall out of her
shirt. Behind her, another girl was grinding her backside into a random boy�s
groin. From the look of ecstasy on the boy�s face, he assumed she was trying to
get raped.

Following the trail of alcohol to the beer pong table, he
watched as Lavi downed a cup, obviously having lost. It wasn�t that surprising,
seeing as he had no depth perception. Yuu was keeping a mental tally of just
how much the redhead was drinking, just in case he had to drag the redhead�s
skinny white ass home. He had counted three drinks so far, and they�d only been
there an hour and a half.� Lizzie was off
to the right, flirting with the Rugby captain, Skin, Tyki�s cousin. It was
interesting seeing the way Jason was blatantly staring at them in jealousy. Yuu
almost felt bad for him, seeing as Lizzie was completely unaware of his
feelings.

He watched the goings-on for another hour, letting his
mind wander while still managing to go unnoticed. The last thing he needed was
some drunkard leaning on him. He watched as Lavi stumbled across the room to
stand next to Skin and Lizzie, who had begun to make out. He stood there
stupidly for a while until a tiny girl tarted out in
fishnets and a skirt that left nothing to the imagination swayed over and
proceeded to make moves on him. It would have been funny, Yuu thought, if Lavi hadn�t looked so horrified.

It had absolutely nothing to do with that angry, swirling
feeling building up in his chest. The feeling that just kept growing and
billowing outward into his torso and limbs as the slut angled her face and
deepened the kiss. There was no finesse, just alcohol and tongues and, if Yuu
looked closely�which he absolutely was not doing�drool. The dark-haired boy
watched helplessly as the girl pulled herself closer,
locking a leg around one of Lavi�s. It made the weird feeling pulse strongly.

Lavi shifted uncomfortably, and part of Yuu began to
rejoice. A little mini hallelujah chorus went off in his chest as the redhead
pushed the hussy away firmly and tottered off, a little string of spit hanging
down his chin. He came over to Yuu�s couch, looking thoroughly drunk and dazed,
and plopped down in the Japanese boy�s lap.

At first, all Yuu could feel was the shock of contact,
the warmth as Lavi settled onto his legs. It made him tense up, because it
reminded him of how the faces loomed forth from the darkness and invaded his
space, how they had rested on his lap or how they had taken him into theirs,
all the while accompanied by confusion and disorientation and the ever-present
desperation to make all of it stop. But then he realized it was Lavi, and that
was okay, because maybe he liked the boy a little bit and maybe it felt a
little good to have him there on his legs, breathing alcohol-stained breath
onto his lips.

They were a bit too close. Lavi�s mouth was mere
centimeters from his own, and their eyes locked. The redhead�s gaze was a bit
vacant, probably from how much he�d had to drink, but there was something
behind it�a bit left of his character, the last vestiges of sobriety, his soul,
whatever�that made Yuu understand at the most basic level that Lavi knew where
he was and what he was doing as he lowered his lips onto the dark-haired boy�s.

After so much pain, after so many faces, after so much
fear, even though he tasted horribly of cheap, imported beer, Lavi was a breath
of fresh air. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Still, even though the kiss was sloppy, wet, and awkward, it felt good. It felt
like a spring breeze blowing away all the pollution of his past.

Lavi�s hands were firm in their iron-tight hold on the
hair at the back of his head, and he pulled enough for Yuu to remember exactly
why brushing his hair was a nuisance. The Japanese boy gasped in what he was
pretty sure was pleasure, forcing their mouths apart for just a moment. But then
Lavi was back, his hands moving from the nape of his neck down to his chest.

Yuu tried to push away, but Lavi seemed incapable of
stopping. Deft fingers rubbed circles over his nipples, pulling another gasp
from his throat. And then the dark-haired boy didn�t want to stop at all. There
were lips on his, pleasantly and clumsily parting so that Lavi�s tongue could
enter his mouth. No, it wasn�t coordinated, as if the redhead was not only
drunk, but inexperienced. It didn�t matter, though, because it was still damn good.

One of the apprentice Bookman�s hands began moving lower
to his stomach, and Yuu allowed it, because sweet
Jesus, the faces were completely gone for the first time in eleven years.
All the cold had simply melted away, as if Lavi�s hands were warming him more
than any amount of pain could. Lavi shifted, and there was heat, heat that
burned away the chains.

Yes, he hissed,
though he wasn�t sure if it was out loud or not. Maybe it was, because Lavi�s hand moved lower still. Someone was moaning, but it
wasn�t�couldn�t be�him. His arms pulled the redhead closer, accidentally
forcing Lavi�s ass into his growing arousal.

Wait. No. Bad. Drunk.

Lavi was drunk.

The boy would regret this; Yuu would regret this. He had to stop, he
had to pull back, even if the other boy�s hand was making its way under the
waistband of his jeans. He had to�oh,
God, yes!

Oh, God, no!*

He forced them apart, pushed Lavi off his lap. The
redhead looked at him, his green eye dim and barely focused. He looked as blown
away as Yuu felt.

�You�re drunk,� Yuu said, hating that he was breathless
like that little slut Lavi had been kissing earlier. Because she
had to have been breathless. Because damn.

Lavi looked at him uncomprehendingly. Yuu sighed. He
needed to take the idiot home, because if he didn�t, who knew what he would do.

Just as he was about to pull the redhead up off the
couch, the cause of all his troubles stood up, mumbled something that resembled
�piss,� and walked off. Whether he was talking about his state of drunkenness
or if he really just had to use the lavatory, Yuu was unsure.

He became concerned when the redhead didn�t return after
twenty minutes. Thinking he had fallen into the toilet and drowned, Yuu went to
check on him.

But he wasn�t there.

---

*D8 <-- Yuu�s face.

A/N: So, another chappie done!
:) Hopefully y�all still likin�
it and whatnot. Nothin� really to say, except that we�re really, really tired. We�ll probably just finish up HtSaL before we go back to BRS. Because
school sucks. :(
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How to Save a Life