What a Drag

Mousse woke up slowly, glad that he had the day off. It was his friend’s wedding today and he had cleared this schedule change with Cologne so that he could attend.

The long hours spent dancing and being trained by two women (well technically a man and one half) on how to be a woman were killing him. He would normally leave for Konatsu’s as soon as the restaurant closed and trudge home wearily in the wee small hours of the morning. Still it was paying off; he now could at least walk in stilettos without clinging to Ranma like a war victim and picked up the dances needed easily. He also looked good in the clothes if he did say so himself. In fact he’d started enjoying having a social life, if a slightly weirder one than most people. It felt good to have people call him and ask him to do things with them; it was something he hadn’t experienced since leaving his tribe. His social life in Nerima consisted of: when Shampoo would begrudgingly agree to do something harmless with him, tribal business, challenges and occasionally banding together with the other martial artists to rescue Akane from another would-be suitor. This had become almost dully predictable.

Now not only did he have friends of a sort, but was routinely invited for dinner at the Tendo house during his Sundays off. He even felt different; he walked with more confidence thanks to Konatsu making him balance books on his head to practice poise. He’d abandoned the nervous half-run that he used to do around Shampoo. He’d received so many compliments on his improve appearance, that he’d started taking more pride in his looks. He felt dominate and manly, which was quite the opposite of what his lessons were supposed to achieve, but it seemed right for him.

Shampoo was acting odd; she seemed to be looking at him suspiciously whenever he left their place. He would often find her staring at him in contemplation as he more easily talked and even mildly flirted with cute girl customers, something he never used to do. His tips had improved a thousand fold. Then there was that time that a snotty, but beautiful St. Hebereke student had stopped in for Ramen, she hadn’t recognized him and had started flirting with him. He was just about to tell her that he was taken when Shampoo told her that she had to leave, weird.

Mousse pushed back the covers of his futon reluctantly and stood up, just then the door flew open.

“Mousse why are you in bed so late?” Shampoo demanded in Mandarin, and then frozen at the sight of him in a pair of frilly hot pink lace rhumba panties trimmed in black. “What are those?” she asked.

Mousse groaned and hung his head, he mentally punched Konatsu. “I pulled a muscle in my groin, so Dr. Tofu suggested that I wear these because they give me more support” he lied with his cheeks glowing.

“Dr. Tofu suggested those!” she said incredulously.

“Yes he did. Would you get out of here so I can get dressed?” he suggested hastily, yanking his pants on.

“Was that a bow on the front of them?” she asked.

“Definitely not” he said with a blush.

“What about the breakfast rush?” she asked.

“I have the day off to attend a wedding, you know that” he said.

“Oh I forgot” she said lamely. “Do you have a date?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m meeting her there. It’s an all day affair” he explained.

Shampoo was kind of hurt that he hadn’t asked her, but would never admit that to him. “I hope you have fun. Will you be home for dinner?” she asked.

He shrugged “not sure” he said evasively, he didn’t want to admit to her that his date was Ranma. She was performing at the wedding and didn’t want Akane to know about her double life anymore then Mousse did Shampoo, so it was decided that they would go together.

Shampoo was troubled by this discussion and sought Cologne out for advice. “Great-Grandmother, why would man wear girl panties?” she asked her.

Cologne seemed untroubled the question “the most logical answer is that he likes to cross dress” she said and tasted the Ramen she was making.

Shampoo thought about that and dismissed it. Mousse was many things, but a cross dress he wasn’t, “any other reason why?” she asked.

Cologne paused and said “I’ve heard stories where young lovers exchange underwear in a kind of bonding ritual”

Shampoo only nodded, her worst fears confirmed. Mousse had found someone else to love; this disturbed her more than words could say.

Mousse pulled on his robe and went to the onsen to wash his face and brush his teeth and hair. He sighed and felt bad that he couldn’t tell what Shampoo was going on, but didn’t want to kill whatever slim chance he had with her. He smiled when he thought about what a lovely engagement ring he could buy her with the prize money. They were both ripe to marry and Ranma didn’t want her, points in Mousse’s favour. Just a few more weeks of being the other Shampoo, and then he could put this behind him forever.

Flashback to the Night Before

“You will wear these to bed each night until you get used to the feel of female underwear and here is a pair of stilettos, you will practice walking in them” Konatsu instructed.

“I have to wear female underwear to bed?” Mousse asked.

“Nothing like packing the junk in your trunk in silk” he said.

“What if anyone sees me in them?” Mousse asked.

“When was the last time Shampoo snuck into your room?” Konatsu asked.

“Never” responded Mousse.

“I think that you’ll be safe” he concluded. He put on what he called grinding music and said “okay ladies show me how you can be sexy: Ranma lean over and wiggle your hips, Mousse stand behind her and grind against them” he ordered.

Mousse had gotten used to this, he took his position and ground against her full, lush buttocks. Of course Mousse being a virgin, it was only a matter of time before his body reacted to her now feminine curves.

Ranma froze when she felt something poking her butt “Please tell me that that is one of your hidden weapons and not what I think it is?” she questioned.

Mousse blushed, but said the first thing that came to mind “it’s my ultimate hidden weapon” he said and ground it harder. Ranma blanched and then cracked up. The rest of the practice was pretty much shot as they spent it making jokes about taking it like a man and speculating whether Ranma would be if in girl form.

“Why do I have to work with virgins?” Konatsu sighed in exasperation.

End Flashback

Mousse took longer getting ready then usual, he didn’t wear any make up but still took the time to put some spray laminate into his hair so that it would be extra shiny and then slipped into the tuxedo that Konatsu had leant him. He was lucky that he and the cross dressing martial artist were the same size and Konatsu generous with his clothes.

Konatsu had been astounded to find out that Mousse intended to wear his robe to the wedding. “It’s a formal wedding, you should dress up!” he said sharply.

Mousse looked sheepish “these are pretty much all I own” he explained.

Konatsu sighed and towed the other boy to his extensive wardrobe and pulled out a black tux with a grey under vest and ascot “wear this, I bought it for my Fred and Ginger act” he explained.

“Which one were you?” Mousse asked.

Konatsu visibly puffed up “I was both at the same time; I’m that good”

Mousse had to admit that he looked good in the western style tux; it fitted his lithe, muscular frame very well and displayed his wide shoulders and slim waist to an advantage. With a sigh, he picked up the corsage that he’d bought for Ranma to match his boutonnière.

It was a gorgeous wedding; both grooms wore matching tuxedos and were obviously in love as they recited their simple, yet elegant vows. It was endearing how Kenji’s voice shook a bit with emotions and how he accidently put the ring on Toshi’s right hand. Although Mousse was happy for his friends, he felt a sense of disappointment. Okay his date was gorgeous and popular, but she was Ranma Saotome and not Shampoo. Mousse wondered if anyone would ever look at him the way his two friends were gazing at each other.

The reception was in a lavish ballroom and the wedding couple had spared no expense on food and entertainment. There was a sushi bar, a pasta bar, salad bar and antipasto bar to be consumed at people’s leisure. The drinks were free flowing and the grooms kept on snagging champagne on the sly for Mousse and Ranma “it’s ginger ale if anyone asks” they whispered to them. There was a harp player during cocktail hour on the terrace and then a wedding band for dancing. Ranma got a few tears when she sang their first dance for them ‘Today I Met the Boy I’m going to Marry’.

Mousse was nursing his champagne and sat thinking at their table, he was reflecting that he was surrounded by loving couples but there was no one for him. He wondered if he’d just wasted thirteen years on someone who simply couldn’t love him. ‘What now?’ he thought. A gorgeous woman sat beside him “having a good time Mousse?” a completely masculine voice asked. She was a little older looking with dark auburn hair twisted into a complex knot into back her head, a tasteful blue cocktail dress with a matching hand bag and a slim, curvy body.

He turned to her, she looked rather familiar “don’t you recognize your own optometrist?” she questioned him.

“Mimi?” he asked incredulously.

She smiled “I told you I make a better woman than a man. Come on, a wedding is no place to brood. Let me introduce you to my wife” he said and did. She was a rather plain woman until she smiled, which she did a lot of. Mousse was introduced to every person at the wedding; there were all sorts of people there, gay, straight, bi, drag queens and something that he’d never encountered before; drag kings. These were a curiousity to him, they weren’t like Ukyou who bound her breasts but still looked feminine. They not only bound their breasts, but glued hair to their faces and acted more masculine then any guy Mousse had ever met. Some of the more extreme members took testosterone to grow their facial hair for real, still everyone was charming and lots of people flirted with Mousse. Especially the guys “there’s an entire tribe of people who look like you? Where is this again? My vacation is coming up”

Mousse could see why Ranma felt acceptance here; they asked few questions and being different didn’t matter so much. Mousse was extremely flattered to be so heavily praised. He’d always felt rather plain compared to the other tribal members with their exotic coloured hair, his own black was so typically Asian. Yet to these people, his jewel toned eyes, tall stature and pale skin made him exotic as a peacock amongst chickens.

Ranma came up to him after she was done singing “this is the best wedding ever” she declared, a tad flushed from the champagne. She wore a beautiful red satin bubble cocktail dress with a black scarf belt and match shoes.

“I’m sure yours and Akane’s will be just as nice” he teased, causing her to blush.

“And yours and Shampoo’s” she countered, in her high spirits she failed to see Mousse frown. “Let’s dance” she suggested.

“You want to dance with me?” Mousse said in surprise.

“I dance with you every night. Who will it hurt if we do it on a real dance floor?” she pointed out. “Besides, I saw you attacking the pasta bar, you need the exercise or you’re going to get fat.”

“Who are you calling fat? I saw you scarfing the sushi bar, I think that your butt has gained an inch tonight chubbo” Mousse said, she took his arm and playfully pretended to deck him. They dance a lot, fast songs, and slow songs and even were persuaded to do a couple of steps from the dance they were working on. Mousse lost track of time and said “it’s almost midnight, I have to go home to get some sleep. I have to work tomorrow” he explained.

“Okay, I’ll see you later Mousse” Ranma said wanting to stay to the end.

Mousse snuck up the stairs, trying not to giggle as he was tipsy from the champagne, when the light came on and Shampoo’s eyes smoldered at him with rage.

“Where you been so long!” she demanded.

“I told you, I was at the wedding and it was going on until late tonight” he replied, wondering why she seemed so mad. “What’s wrong?” he asked her.

“I get sick of it” she raged. “You never here and even when are here, you seem like million miles away. What go on with you Mousse?” she cried.

“Nothing” he lied, unable to tell her the truth. “I have a lot of play rehearsals”

“You should keep your mind on job and serving us properly” she snapped.

“That’s all I ever think about, I love you Shampoo” he said desperately stepping forward to try and hold her. “You’re my life, my reason for being”

He gasped when she punched him on the cheek as hard as she could, his head snapped back. He slowly shook it off and looked at her; there was no remorse in her expression, only rage. Something long dormant inside him snapped and he gripped her other hand as it came up to repeat the damage to the other side of his face.

All hopes inside him died as he said “never hit me again, I don’t deserve your abuse and I never have. How can you blame me for having bad eyesight, or that your fiancé is a better martial artist than me? I’m not stupid and I’m not weak. Shampoo do you even like me?” he asked in a hurt tone of voice.

Shampoo was completely frozen in shock that Mousse was defying her for the first time in his life. She quickly thought about what to tell him and was tongue tied to be put on the spot like this. “Mousse I.....” was all she could answer him.

She watched his entire body slump and then he gave a world weary sigh. “I thought not, I’m leaving here tonight and won’t be back. Please tell Cologne that I quit” he said softly, striding purposefully to his room.

“Mousse you no leave” she cried after him. “Where you go?”

He turned around for a second and said “you’ve wanted me to go back to China since I got here. Where the hell do you think I’m going to go?”

“But you said you will always stay with Shampoo” she protested, suddenly realizing that he’d become so much a part of her life that he’d become necessary to her.

“I can’t stay where I’m not wanted” he said slamming to door in her face and locking it.

“Mousse I’m sorry” she cried. Less then a minute later he came out holding a duffle bag and wearing his normal clothes. “Mousse” she cried again.

“I’ll be back for the rest of my things in a few days, please don’t throw them into the street. There are some very expensive weapons in there” he said coldly.

“Mousse, you no leave” she said again.

His shoulders slumped “I can’t be a slave to a selfish, capricious woman for the rest of my life. I need a change; it’s time for me to move on. Have a nice life Shampoo” he said, pushed past her and descended the stairs. He shut the door after him with a decisive bang as if fleeing from hell itself. Then reality set in, he had nowhere to go and probably only enough money in his savings account for a one way ticket to China. What was he going to do, return to his tribe and find another girl to slave over? Impulsively he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Ranma’s number.

“Yo Mousse” the slightly tipsy martial artist said, he’d stopped at Konatsu’s to change out of his dress and into his other form. If he was surprised that Mousse was calling him so late, he didn’t seem it. “What’s up?”

“I’ve left the Neko Hanten and anything to do with it” Mousse said with tears filling his eyes.

That stopped Ranma in his tracks “seriously? Even Shampoo?” he asked.

“Especially Shampoo” Mousse replied.

“Come over to the Tendos” Ranma ordered him.

“But I don’t want to impose” Mousse protested dubiously.

Ranma made a rude noise “we’ve had half of Nerima crashing at some point; one more guest isn’t going to kill us. I can’t have you just wandering the streets” he said.

“Okay” Mousse said and turned the corner towards there, unaware that he was being followed. Shampoo wanted to see who the mystery girl was for once and for all. She was shocked when he stopped at the Tendo house. ‘Perhaps he’s seeing one of the other sisters?’ she reasoned and climbed a tree to observe him.

“Over here Mousse” came a whisper and he walked into the yard to find Ranma dipping his feet in the Kio pond. “Come join me, the cool water feels nice on aching feet. I don’t change if I just put my feet in” Ranma explained.

Mousse sat down on a rock and took off his shoes, he almost groaned a loud when he put his feet into the velvety water and then giggled when the kio started nibbling on his toes. Ranma noticed his bruised cheek and went inside for a cold compress. Shampoo felt like going to Mousse at his slumped, defeated looking posture. “Here put this on your cheek” he said, Mousse gratefully did.

“So what happened?” he asked.

“I finally gave up, she doesn’t even like me. I’m going home” he stated.

“But you can’t go home because of....you know” Ranma said glancing around.

“I can’t stay here and have people walk all over me” he said. “I want to go back where I’m accepted and I have loved ones” he said.

“You’re accepted here and people like you” Ranma offered. “Look this thing with Shampoo will sort itself out”

“No more, I’m no longer her cats-paw, nor will I play her games. I’m tired of it” he said wearily. “I don’t want to fight you over something so stupid. Even if I did defeat you both, her love would never be mine”

“I never understood why you fought me at all, I’ve never wanted her. I kinda like her as a friend, but find her annoying as a fiancée. She’s always groping me against my will” Ranma said. Shampoo’s eyes filled with tears to hear the honest truth from him. “Is she always like that when she’s in love?” Ranma asked.

“She isn’t in love, she’s acting like a woman obsessed and it’s not over you. She’s destined to become the more powerful leader ever and part of that includes that she has to obey every rule, including kiss of death or marriage. Her great-grandmother feeds her obsession and drives her to greater acts of desperation. She isn’t acting like herself. The Xian Pu I knew was sweet and kind; she would always stand up for the weak and helpless. She had lots of friends and loved to get involved with community services. The Xian Pu that you know is little more then an automaton, she’s friendless and alienates all of those around her. I’ve tried to protect her from herself and absorb her wanton violence as best I can, but I can’t be her buffer anymore. Yet certain parts of the girl I loved remains. As an Amazon, it would be Shampoo’s right to challenge Akane for you, yet she never has because she knows that Akane is no way as skilled as her. I ask that you take care of Shampoo when I’m gone” Mousse requested.

“You’re not going anywhere. Come inside and sleep on it, we’ll figure something out” Ranma said. Mousse trudge world wearily after him, he felt more beaten then he ever had before.

Shampoo still sat up in the tree lost in thought. Had she really changed that much, become cruel and indifferent? She tried to remember the last time that she and Mousse sat up together and had a cocoa night. Yes Mousse had been persistent pain her butt forever, but when did she start striking him? ‘How many scars had she carved into his flesh and heart?’ she wondered as her eyes filled with tears. Now she understood how Mousse felt, Ranma was gone, never had been hers in the first place and now she didn’t even have a single friend.

Mousse lay on a futon in an unfamiliar place. He listened to the snores of Genma Saotome followed by the softer ones of his son. His tears ran silently down his cheeks to soak the soft pillow beneath his head. Oddly enough at the same moment he and Shampoo had exactly the same thought. ‘What’s to become of me?”