An Idiot's Guide to Ectopic Birth

Sanada was feeling very vulnerable right now. It was not an emotion he had much familiarity with. But, as he was naked from the waist down, with his ankles in stirrups and his legs spread open, Sanada figured he was allowed this small moment of weakness.

Not to mention, a man he had never met before today was sticking something up his ass.

"Well, Genichirou," the doctor said, "it seems as everything down here is completely healthy. We should be able to insert the parasite with no problems."

"Explain to me again how this works," Yukimura said, from his perch on a countertop.

Sanada scowled. "Why are you two here anyway?"

Yukimura shrugged. "You're the one who asked for tennis practice off. I was curious."

"And I wouldn't have missed this for the world," Yanagi said, a sly smile on his face. "Genichirou, you look so cute like that."

Before Sanada could say anything the door was opening. With a flourish, Atobe strode into the room, a plastic cup of white creamy liquid in his hand.

"Here," he said, handing it to the doctor, "be awed by ore-sama's beautiful seed. Please don't let any of it go to waste."

"Umm hmm." The doctor took the cup and put it down next to the one labeled 'Sanada G'. "Well, I'll explain for your monkey friend, but it wouldn't hurt for you boys to listen as well. Madararui same-sex couples are perfectly capable of having a child together. A madararui egg or sperm is capable of transforming to the other in the need arises; the problem is that of a safe place for the baby to gestate. Since men don't have a uterus, madararui scientists have cultivated a parasite that can be inserted into a man's anus, where it will form an artificial womb for the embryo to gestate. Using this type of parasite, men can conceive through anal sex, or in vitro fertilization as the Atobe and Sanada families decided."

"We're not having sex," Sanada said, as if that point needed clarifying.

"Oh, please," Atobe said, "you should be so fortunate."

Atobe then turned to Yukimura, in order to explain. "Using in vitro, madararui doctors can choose what the baby will be. This way, we can ensure that our child will be a dragon, instead of an imbecile cat."

Sanada bristled. "At least I'm a heavy-weight cat, you middle-weight lizard."

"Wait," Yukimura said, expression suddenly serious, "I think I have to veto this right now. There is no way I'll allow Sanada to get pregnant when we're in the middle of Nationals-"

"Don't worry about that," the doctor interrupted. "It will take a few weeks for the womb to be ready. After that, we have several months to implant to embryo."

"Oh," Yukimura replied. "I suppose it's fine, then, as long as his tennis isn't affected."

"Renji," Sanada interrupted, "why is your cell phone out?"

"Oh, I just wanted something for memory's sake."

After the doctor was finished, and after Sanada deleted all inappropriate photos from Yanagi's cell phone, the boys found themselves leaving the clinic.

"Sanada," Atobe said, "what are you doing tonight?"

"Why? What do you have in mind?"

"Father was saying that he wanted us to spend more time together before the baby's born, since we'll have to see each other so often afterwards. So I wanted to know if you and Kirihara would go on a date with me and Kamio."

"I'm not dating Kirihara," Sanada said.

"Of course. So will you two come?"

Sanada looked at Yukimura, who shrugged.

"We have a few days before the quarterfinals," Yukimura said. "At this point in the tournament, it's counterproductive to practice too much. We'll do some light rallying tomorrow afternoon."

"Fine," Sanada told Atobe, "we'll go."

* * *

"And this," Oshitari said, "is why x is not equal to 4."

Kamio blushed as Oshitari leaned over him, one of Oshitari's hands coming to rest on his hip. He swiftly elbowed Oshitari in the stomach, satisfied when he heard a soft "oof" and felt Oshitari withdraw slightly.

"I understand that Atobe couldn't come tutor me today," Kamio said, "but why did he have to send some one like you in his place?"

"Aww," came a voice from his bed, "some one misses A~to~be."

"And why exactly are you here?" Kamio yelled at the redhead reading manga on his bed.

"Because Yuushi's here," Mukahi answered. "Duh."

Kamio was about to say something when the doorbell rang. He practically jumped up and raced downstairs, eager to be away from his tutors for the day. He yanked open the door, surprised to see a head of wild black curls in front of him.

"Yo," Kirihara said, "wanna go somewhere?"

Kamio looked up towards his room, then back at Kirihara. Well. . . lessor of two evils.

"Sure," he said, stepping out and closing the door behind him.

"Huh," Kirihara said, walking away now that he knew Kamio was following him. "I didn't think it would be that easy to get you to come follow me."

"Yeah, well, I've got nothing better to do. Where are we going, anyway?"

"I don't know," Kirihara replied, scratching his head. "Sanada told me to get you and meet them somewhere, but I'm not sure where we're going from there."

Kamio's pace slowed until he was stopped on the sidewalk. "What does Sanada want with me?"

"Hmm?" Kirihara stopped a few yards down, finally realizing that Kamio wasn't following him anymore. He turned around, eyes big and confused. He wondered why Kamio was so dense most of the time. "For a double date, of course."

"Double date?" And then Kamio remembered that Sanada was with Atobe right now. His hand moved to push some hair behind his ear, a nervous gesture more than anything else. Thoughts of last night came back to him, and he thought, he wouldn't mind going on a double date. He started moving again, walking with Kirihara towards the train station. "You don't know where we're going?"

"Nu uh," Kirihara replied, shaking his head rigorously. "But I hope it's an arcade. There's a new racing game that just came out I want to try."

Kamio raised an eyebrow. "Is an arcade really a place people go to on dates?"

"Why not?" Kirihara asked. "Where do you go on dates?"

Kamio blushed, realizing that his one and only date had taken place yesterday. . . if, in fact, that had been a date.

"To a restaurant," he said, his voice full of false authority.

"Che. That's so boring. I'd rather go to an arcade any day."

About half an hour later, Kamio was gaping as a helicopter landed in the field in front of them.

"Seriously?" he sputtered.

"What's the problem?" Kirihara asked, and Kamio saw that all three boys were giving him confused expressions.

Kamio was still gaping as he was pushed into the helicopter, his hands and face pressed against the glass as they took off. He knew that the Atobe family was insanely rich, but this was ridiculous. Come to think of it. . . Kamio looked over at the other boys. Sanada's watch was definitely a rolex, and from what Kamio remembered his family was pretty loaded too. And Kirihara. . . well, Kamio didn't know about Kirihara's family, but the fact was he went to Rikkai, so they probably weren't hurting for cash. There was also the fact that none of them seemed to think that getting into a helicopter for an impromptu date was strange at all.

"Really, Atobe," Sanada said, his brow creased, "we could have just gone to the mall and seen a movie."

"What an absolutely plebeian suggestion," Atobe replied. "Sometimes, Sanada, I worry about you."

"Where are we going?" Kirihara asked, bouncing up and down in his seat.

"To a ryokan in Gunma prefecture," Sanada replied.

Kamio's eyes widened. "Are we going to be gone overnight?"

Maybe, Kamio thought, he shouldn't have left Oshitari and Mukahi in his room. They were, no doubt, gone by now, but who knows what they had gotten into during the interim. Plus, he thought, there were his parents. . .

"Don't worry," Atobe replied, "we'll leave early tomorrow morning so we can make it back to school."

Atobe moved closer to him then, only by an inch, but in the confines of the helicopter it just made Atobe's presence all the more near. Kamio was all too aware of the arm that came up to rest on the back of his seat, of Atobe's chest against his arm.

"Look," Atobe said, pointing out the window, "you can see Tokyo Tower from here."

Kamio looked out the window and nodded. Atobe pointed out more sights, whispering them softly into his ear, and Kamio found himself leaning into the soft murmurs. Sanada and Kirihara faded into the background, and it was too soon when the helicopter made its landing outside the inn.

"Woo hoo," Kirihara called, jumping out of the helicopter as soon as he stopped, "I'm going to find the hot spring!"

He was tearing off his clothes as he ran into the building, and Sanada reddened in embarrassment and (slight?) anger before getting out to follow his kouhei. "Akaya, behave yourself!"

Kamio and Atobe, on the other hand, took their time getting out of the helicopter. Kamio was openly in awe of everything there; he had never been to a ryokan this nice, not by a long shot. It was as though he were stepping back in time. The decorations and fixtures all looked like they were meticulously preserved antiques, straight out of feudal Japan.

Soon enough they were in their room, Kamio padding in his dirty socks across the tatami floors. There was a shoji screen at the end of the large room, and he opened it to find a glass-encased sitting area overlooking a beautiful, perfectly manicured Japanese garden. When Kamio turned around Atobe had already changed into his yukata, and he gestured for Kamio to hurry up and do the same.

"Come, now, we should join Sanada and Kirihara in the baths."

Several minutes later they were at the men's bath, a large, wooden room that had a huge glass wall opening out into the forest. Sanada was sitting stiffly by the side, and Atobe and Kamio joined him there. Kirihara was disappearing and reappearing under the water like a crocodile, the top of his head and his eyes the only thing they could see when he came back up.

"How was the doctor's office?" Kamio asked as he came to sit by Atobe's side. It seemed like it was something he should ask.

"It went perfectly," Atobe said, at the same time Sanada scowled and said, "Fine."

"Really, Sanada," Atobe teased, "you'll just be the most adorable mother."

Kamio suddenly had an image of Sanada, stern and scowling, with a big belly and wearing a maternity dress. He couldn't help but laugh, and then Sanada was shooting him a dark glare.

"You two," Sanada said, taking in Kamio's close proximity with Atobe, "it didn't take long for you to get so chummy."

Kamio blushed at that, but then Kirihara was jumping out of the water with a large splash, temporarily blinding all of them.

"Isn't it because Atobe's a middle-weight?" Kirihara asked. He pitched himself forward against Sanada's back, wrapping his arms around the other boy's neck and placing his chin on Sanada's head. Sanada didn't seem to mind Kirihara's presence, his expression set in that same half-angry, half-petulant one it always was.

"It's because I'm Atobe Keigo," Atobe replied, not a little bit smugly. "Who wouldn't want to be with me?"

"Idiot," Kamio said. But he muttered it into the water, so the word manifested only in a few bubbles of air breaking the surface.

After the hot springs all four boys made their way back to Atobe and Kamio's room, Kamio's stomach already growling at the thought of a traditional kaiseki meal. He imagined courses and courses of food, shiizakana and sashimi and soup and simmered vegetables and grilled fish. . . oh, man, it was going to be so good. The ryokan staff had already set out a table low in the room, and Kamio's eyes glowed as everything he had imagined was being put in front of them.

"Itadakimasu!" Kirihara shouted, before shoveling some appetizers into his mouth.

It wasn't long before Kirihara was near comatose on his back on the floor, groaning as his hands rubbed his stomach.

"That. . . was good."

Kamio stared at the piles of empty dishes and bowls left on the table, finding himself inclined to agree.

"Come on," Sanada said, picking Kirihara up by the back of his yukata and setting him on his feet. "Let's take a walk while the staff cleans up and sets out our futons."

"Do you want to go too?" Atobe asked Kamio, voice languid and sated from dinner.

Kamio nodded to the question. It wasn't every day he was in a place like this, and he wanted to see the gardens. It wasn't as stifling hot here as it was in Tokyo, and much of that heat was dispersing with the setting sun. The boys slipped into the geta sandals provided by the ryokan and made their way outside, walking along the bubbling creek that ran alongside the inn.

Kamio watched as Sanada and Kirihara took the lead, walking a few yards in front of them. Sanada walked with perfect posture and poise, back straight and steps small. Kirihara, on the other hand, was a mess of energy beside him, darting this way and that and glomping onto random body parts as he saw and pointed out things that interested him. Still, Kamio thought, there was a strange lovey dovey air to them that Kamio was a little jealous of.

Kamio felt fingers brush against his own, wrapping around them, and Kamio found himself holding Atobe's hand. He was sure there was a light blush on his face, because he never had been very good about controlling or hiding his emotions, but right now he didn't mind.

"What are you thinking right now?" Atobe asked.

Kamio looked up to an amused expression. "Nothing."

Atobe arched an eyebrow, and Kamio fixed his gaze resolutely ahead.

"Are you, at the very least, having fun?"

Kamio shrugged, still loath to give in to Atobe, even if he already had. "Yeah. I guess."

"Good," was Atobe's surprisingly succinct reply, as he gave Kamio's hand a light squeeze.

"Kamio! Kamio!" Kirihara called out to him from ahead. "Race you to the koi pond!"

"Idiot!" Kamio called back. "I'm not racing you!"

"I guess that means you lose!" Kirihara called, already running.

Kamio flushed. He let go of Atobe's hand and sprinted after Kirihara. "There's no way I'll lose to someone like you!"

Kamio caught up to Kirihara a few minutes later and tackled the other boy to the ground. They rolled a few times over the lawn before coming to a stop, Kamio on top of Kirihara.

"I still won," Kirihara whined, "so there."

Kamio got off, not even bothering to respond to that. The koi pond was right in front of them, and he settled into a comfortable sitting position as he watched the fish swim underneath the surface of the water. Kirihara did the same, coming to a position on his stomach, chin propped up in his heads.

"This was fun," Kirihara said, and Kamio wondered how a violent guy like Kirihara could be such a kid. But it's not as though Kamio didn't agree.

"Yeah," he said, and then Kirihara's eyes were on him, watching him intently.

"So you and Atobe are getting along?"

"I guess."

"Good. Then Sanada's dad won't be mad at us anymore." Kirihara shivered even thinking about the man.

"What do you mean?" Kamio asked, blinking at Kirihara curiously.

"Hmm?" Kirihara blinked back several times himself before understanding what Kamio was asking. "Oh, that. Well, after I. . . umm. . . interrupted the marriage negotiations, they called off the marriage. But it would be insulting if Sanada was sleeping with a retrograde, and Atobe didn't have somebody good. But luckily you're a rare species. So it all worked out in the end."

"Oh." Kamio looked down at the pond, frowning. There was something about this. . . "Kirihara, do you like Sanada?"

"Are you kidding?" Kirihara said, plopping his head down as he reached his arms forward. "That guy's such a hardass. I can't stand him."

Kamio raised an eyebrow at that. "Seriously."

Kirihara stared blankly at Kamio for a second before grinning. "Oh, no, I think you're misunderstanding something. Sanada and me, when we're together, it's only because Sanada's a heavyweight and I'm a retrograde."

"Oh." Kamio leaned back. He felt as though he was sinking into the ground. "Do. . . do you think Atobe's only interested in me because I'm a rare species?"

The silence before Kirihara answered was the absolute worse. Atobe was being so nice to him, Kamio thought, but it hadn't always been that way, had it? Back when Atobe thought he was a monkey, he never gave Kamio so much as a second glance.

"Well," Kirihara answered, "it's not like a guy like Atobe would date a common species."

"There you two are." It was Atobe's voice, and Kamio looked up to see that Atobe and Sanada had finally caught up to them. Atobe walked towards him, leaning down to brush some hair out of Kamio's face.

"You don't look well," he said, voice soft. "Are you feeling okay?"

Atobe's expression was almost caring, but his touch felt all of a sudden cold. Kamio gently pushed Atobe's hand away from him, looking away at the surprised expression that crossed Atobe's face.

"I'm tired," Kamio said. "I want to go to sleep."

Atobe was somewhat befuddled by the change in Kamio's mood, but he nodded. "Okay. Then we'll go to sleep."

Kamio got up, walking quickly back towards the ryokan. He could feel Atobe following him, but didn't particularly feel like talking to the other boy. As soon as they were inside their room Kamio went to brush his teeth in the bathroom, and as soon as he finished there he sunk into the futon that had been set out, burying himself underneath the blankets.

Kamio's eyes were wide open as he stared at the wall. He could hear Atobe moving through the room, could hear the running water in the bathroom. He could almost see the confused expression on Atobe's face.

Kamio heard a soft click before the room was surrounded in darkness, and tensed as he felt Atobe getting into the futon behind him. There was a strange silence between them, and maybe Atobe wanted to say something, but all he ended up saying was "Good night, Kamio."

Kamio didn't reply, only let himself relax a little bit. A few days ago, Kamio thought, he didn't like Atobe. Even now, he didn't really know Atobe. So why exactly, Kamio asked himself, did he suddenly feel like crying?