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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Warnings: Violence, implications of faint Lavi/Lenalee, sexual themes and some nice Yullen action.

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 05: Craving this disaster

Okay, maybe a bunch of weird stuff happened lately, Lavi had to give credit for that. Life at the Black Order was always full of surprises. But this? This was simply an overkill. The moment he took a step inside Kanda's room, his brain had a serious malfuncion.

Allen was probably in a similar situation, as he couldn't quite recall everything that happened in detail a mere second after the red-head came into view.

Before the boy knew it, he was laying on the floor, with just a painful aftertaste of the impacting force that shoved him there. Lavi didn't even twitch when Kanda advanced towards him.

Everything just happened too fast.

"First of all." The dark-haired man spoke through gritted teeth, apparently trying to get ahold of his anger. "This is not what you think."

Catching Lavi by the collar, Kanda shoved him brutally against the wall, where he held him in place with his hands. The red-head just stared at his attacker in shock.

"Second; you've never seen this to begin with!" The Japanese man raised his voice, pressing the other to the cold stone even harder.

Lavi raised both of his hands in front of him slightly, as if wanting to gesture for the other to calm down, but that didn't seem to do the trick in the slightest.

"And third of all." Kanda hissed dangerously. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you to knock before you come in?"

"...I-I did knock." Lavi stammered, wondering if it was a good idea to say anything at all right now.

"And did you hear me say you could come in?" The dark-haired roared in such a manner that even Allen started to feel terrified of him all of a sudden.

"Yuu... I can't... breathe..." The red-head started to mutter in a surpressed tone.

The last word made Allen snap out of his bewildered stare instantly. The boy was on his feet in a matter of miliseconds. As he opened his mouth, intending to say something that could make them stop, however, Lavi was put free and fell to his knees.

Kanda gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. God, he felt like killing both of them right now.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people lately? The hell do you want from me at this hour?"

Lavi swallowed, catching his breath. "...N-Nothing anymore." Without putting thought to anything else, he stood up clumsily, withdrawing to the entrance. "S-Sorry!" And then he was gone, closing the door behind him abruptly.

"Um..." Allen finally found his voice, feeling a bit unsecure all of a sudden. "Shouldn't we try to explain things to him...?" Despite the awkward situation, he actually felt sorry for what happened, and wanted to apologize to Lavi for it. After all, it was his idea to begin with...

"Like I care!" Kanda hissed, making Allen tense again.

Well, at least his voice was a tone more quiet now...

"L-Lavi!" Allen called out, following his friend through the corridor in a haste.

The red-head stopped in his tracks as soon as he heard the boy's voice, turning in the sound's direction. It took a single moment for the other to catch up to him.

"S-Sorry about that!" The younger male mumbled, a slight blush apparent on his face. "It's really not what you think..."

Lavi was still trying to get ahold of his shock and confusion, which were written all over his face. "No, it's okay... Yuu tends to overreact like that, I'm used to it by now." He spoke in a surprisingly calm tone. "I'm the one who should be sorry." Then paused, blinking. "But... Wow, Allen. I didn't know."

The boy looked at his friend making a goofy face as he smiled awkwardly. "You have a minute...?"

"So basically, you're trying to tell me..." Lavi spoke when Allen seemed to have finished his share of the story. "That you did all of that for Yuu just in order to save him."

The two moved to Walker's room in the end, figuring it was the best place for a private conversation at the moment. Bookman was in the red-head's shared room right now, and anywhere else always had the possibility of someone eavesdropping. Walls had ears, after all. Or so they said.

"And that he's utterly pissed at you for doing it." Lavi continued, raising his index finger. "But at the same time, he also feels indebted to you in a way."

Allen only nodded.

"And you sat in his lap asking for a kiss, because..."

"I was curious, I guess..." The younger boy finally spoke, uneasiness filling his voice, as he buried his face in his knees. "I don't even know what I was thinking myself anymore..."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Allen." Lavi said in a reassuring tone, smiling to himself. "We may be Exorcists, but we're still human..." He trailed off suddenly.

I may be the future Bookman, but I'm also human... Lavi thought to himself vaguely. It's something he came to realize after their unexpected trip to Noah's Ark. Memories of the world Road created before him suddenly came back to him, but he tried to shake them off. He knew it was something he would be better off not even thinking about, but he simply couldn't help it sometimes.

The read-head suddenly raised an eyebrow, smiling teasingly. "Hey, didn't Road kiss you before?"

"T-That hardly counted!" Allen looked up, blushing. "It wasn't even a real kiss anyway!"

Lavi smiled cunningly again. "Well, no matter. Yuu was intending to let you do it, wasn't he?" His voice sounded both amused and impressed. "You're really something, Allen. The Yuu I know wouldn't even let anyone get a mere meter near him. This must mean something."

"D-Don't say stupid things!" The younger boy looked at his friend with wide eyes, apparently taken aback from what he just heard. "Kanda would never... W-What are you even saying... I'm not..."

"Chill out, Allen. It's okay." Lavi chuckled, raising his hand to pat his friend on the head. "I get it. You're just so fun to tease sometimes."

Kanda was laying on his side, facing the wall. He went straight to bed the moment that idiot Moyashi left his room.

Goddamn, what an embarrassing situation. The dark-haired man was mad at himself for even letting something like that happen. Lavi's annoying attempts to butt into his life all the time aside, just what the hell was he thinking letting Walker do that? He should have said 'no' without blinking twice, maybe beat the living shit out of the other Exorcist for even asking him such a thing. Same went for Lavi.

And most of all, why in God's name was he even thinking about such stupid things in the first place? Who cared what others thought about him, Kanda didn't care. He never cared.

The man's eyes went open lazily, when he heard a soft knock on the door. He didn't even make an effort to move when someone entered the room shortly after.

"...You asleep?" Allen's silent voice broke the silence.

Right. Kanda should have known that he would come back.

"No." The dark-haired answered in a low tone.

The younger boy moved closer, and even though Kanda couldn't see him do so, he could feel the motion. The next moment, there was additional weight on the bed. "...Were you waiting for me?" Allen suddenly asked in a voice that sounded half-teasing and even half-seductive in the other's ears.

Kanda frowned even more; Walker was at it again. "For fuck's sake, stop that. I'm sick and tired of your perverted games. Go bother someone else if you're so interested."

Ouch. The younger Exorcist huddled for a short moment, realizing that the small commotion earlier obviously got under the other's skin. "Fine, have it your way." Allen shrugged, sounding resigned all of a sudden. "...Do you still want to continue where we left off?"

That idiot probably wouldn't let him be until he got what he wanted, would he? Even though Kanda failed to see the sense in this, he did promise to make things up to him somehow...

The dark-haired man let out a sigh, finally shifting to sit up. "Whatever."

Allen wasn't sure whether that was supposed to be a 'yes' or a 'no' until Kanda turned to look at him. Judging from the look on the other's face, the white-haired figured that the older man probably just wanted to get this over with as fast as possible.

Well, here goes nothing again...

Still a bit hesitant, the younger boy brought himself to move, making his way to Kanda's lap one more time. He had no idea why he felt like sitting there in the first place, but somehow he did.

The dark-haired man's face expression told him that he wasn't fond of the idea in the slightest, but surprisingly enough, there were no bigger objections this time.

And there they were, staring at eachother in silence, while Allen wondered if he should still say something or just get down to business already. Somehow the sole thought made him nervous all of a sudden. The way Kanda stared at him simply made his self-confidence go down the drain in a single instant.

"You really are hopeless." The older Exorcist commented suddenly, looking indifferent to the whole situation.

Shut up. Allen grimaced, bringing his face closer. It took another second before his expression softened, and he finally closed his eyes, pressing his lips to the other man's.

It was just an innocent touch. The white-haired started to make slow motions, brushing his lips gently against Kanda's. After a few seconds, however, he started to wonder whether he was doing something wrong, as there was no reaction from the other side.

Discouraged by the fact, he pulled away.

Kanda was simply staring at him with his usual frown, which was slowly starting to tick Allen off.

Embarrassed, the boy gave his partner an indignant look.

And then, after a short moment, the older man closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, as if finally making his mind up about something. He reached for the other's collar, tugging him back close again.

Allen's eyes widened when he suddenly felt Kanda's tongue slide along his lower lip daringly. Taken aback by the unexpected gesture, the boy parted his lips almost immediately, granting the other more access. As the other's tounge brushed against his own, he let out a muffled growl, feeling how his cheeks started to warm up.

This was so much different from the time Road had kissed him... Maybe Kanda wasn't an expert in this − just like he himself wasn't − but the feeling itself was enough to make him forget about such details. It was... a bit awkward, maybe, but also kind of nice at the same time.

It didn't take long for the two to deepen the kiss, as the white-haired left himself open to the sensation completely.

And if there was one thing Allen should have been positive about, then he obviously ended up enjoying this much more then he ever should've had.

Whoa... Wait a minute.

Weren't things getting a bit out of control around here?

The moment Allen came back to reality, Kanda was lying with his back pressed to the bed, and... to the boy's horror, he was on top of the other, their lips still caught together. He had no idea if Kanda simply lost his balance or if he did it intentionally, but the fact was that they were lying on top of eachother. And Allen sure couldn't remember pushing the other down or anything.

"...Kanda?" The youger male asked as he pulled away, staring at his partner with slight uncertainty.

They were both flushed, and the moment Allen withdrew to sit on Kanda's hips, he wished he never did. Just then it occured to him that his blood managed to travel somewhere else beside his brain... and so did Kanda's, apparently.

"...Either we do this or get the hell out."

"W-What?" Allen shrieked in disbelief.

"Are you trying to play dumb or are you really this stupid?" Kanda gritted his teeth, looking annoyed again, as the blush on his face intensified, too.

"So, you don't feel anything for Yuu?" Lavi asked curiously all of a sudden.

"Lavi..." Allen said the other's name in a low voice, as if he were offended by the question.

The red-head smirked at his friend, tugging him teasingly by the shoulder. "Come on, I'm serious."

The boy frowned in annoyance. "O-Of course not!"

"You sure? Nothing at all?" The other insisted.

"What the hell, Lavi." Allen grimaced. "He's a guy!"

"That didn't stop you from wanting to kiss him." The red-head pointed out bluntly.

"So? What are you implying?" Jokes aside, the younger boy turned serious all of a sudden. "Just... No. Never." He closed his eyes, turning the other way. "...Who would have feelings for such a cold-hearted jerk, anyway?"

"Oh?" Lavi raised an eyebrow. "That's not what you really think about him, is it?"

What the hell was up with this conversation? "...Well, maybe not." Allen admitted, looking annoyed. "But that still doesn't change the fact that I do not like him."

"Well, okay... If you say so." Even though Lavi finally seemed to drop subject, he didn't sound very convinced. "Say, Allen..." He sarted again. "Can I ask you something personal?"

Oh, joy. "Didn't you do that just now?" The younger boy looked at his friend again, sighing in defeat. "...What is it?"

"Uh..." Lavi stopped to think for a moment. "Do you like anyone else, then?"

Allen blinked, not really expecting such a question. "Um..."

"Lenalee, for instance?" The red-head added shortly.

That, in turn, made the younger boy avert his gaze to the floor.

Well, it wasn't like the thought hasn't crossed his mind before, but... Somehow he never put much thought into it. Allen wasn't sure whether what he felt for Lenalee ever went beyond the borders of friendship.

"I don't know." He answered as honestly as he could. "She's... She's like a sister to me, I think."

Lavi seemed rather surprised. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I guess." Allen looked at his friend. "...Why do you ask?"

"Ah, no reason. Just... curious." The other shrugged it off. "I always had the feeling... that you did feel something for her, somehow." It's the way you look at her all the time...

"Well, I am a bit overprotective of her, I guess..." Allen smiled. "But that also goes for everyone else, doesn't it? Even Kanda..." The boy trailed off, as he started to recall their clash with the Millenium Earl and the Noah in Edo.

Those were the times. He could still remember how happy he felt for being able to see everyone again. And how he and Kanda jumped to their throats the moment they saw eachother. He was simply glad to see nothing had changed during his absence. That was right before they ended up on the Ark. Still before...

"What about you, Lavi?" The white-haired asked suddenly. "You care for Lenalee, too, don't you?"

Lavi blinked, aparently taken aback by the question. Then an awkward smile appeared on his lips. "O-Of course I do."

Allen also blinked at the other in return. "Lavi...?"

What, did he say something wrong? "Huh?"

"You're blushing." The younger Exorcist stated bluntly.

"Ah?" The older man started to stroke the back of his head clumsily. "A-Am I now...?"

Don't tell me... Allen's eyes widened, as he realized what this could be about. "Lavi, you..."

"W-What?" The red-head stammered in panic. "Don't get−"

"You idiot!" Allen raised his voice all of a sudden, shifting to get a closer look at his friend. "Don't tell me you've been holding back this whole time just because of me!"

Lavi went dumbfounded.

And so did Allen.

"Oh, man..." The red-head sighed, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "What a bummer."

"No kidding..." The younger boy stated more to himself. "Lavi, you actually have a crush on Le−nampfh−" The other's hand stopped him from finishing that.

Lavi looked at him with a face expression that could be described as 'say one more word and I'll kill you'. Well, maybe not that literally, but still. "This, my dear friend, stays between us."

Allen pulled the other's hand away, as his gaze darkened and a slight smirk made it's way to his lips. "Same goes for the thing earlier."

The red-head smiled at the other boy in return. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Allen was simply at a loss for words. Kanda was serious, wasn't he? But... God be damned, they shouldn't... No way, they really shouldn't...

"B-But..." Was all the white-haired boy managed to mutter out. Somehow his gaze fell to his hands, which were placed near Kanda's waist, and he couldn't stop himself from examining the other's features now.

What the hell, this was just wrong in so many ways...

Didn't Kanda hate him? Allen simply failed to understand the whole situation right now. What the hell was Kanda thinking? What were both of them thinking...?

Why the bloody hell did this immoral proposal sound so tempting all of a sudden?

"I'm... still sore." Allen suddenly admitted, embarrased.

"Che. You idiot, I told you to recover properly first." Kanda spoke as if it was no big deal. "...Well, either way, I don't see a problem with it."

The boy frowned. "Well excuse me, but I do."

"Stupid, that's not what I meant!" The older Exorcist snapped; that idiot was just so dense sometimes. "Remember what I said a while back?"

Allen looked at his partner questioningly, as he started to recall their past conversation.

And then it hit him.

'When you feel better... I'll let you have your way with me.'

"You... can't be serious." The white-haired muttered out silently, as he felt a rush of blood in his cheeks again. No way...

The older male growled. "That was the deal, wasn't it?"

"B-But, Kanda... No." Allen swallowed nervously. Would the other seriously let him do that...? "No." He repeated. "I don't want to hurt you."

God, he didn't have patience for this. "And me hurting you was okay, wasn't it? Fucking hypocrite." Kanda spoke in a low tone. "Or are you a masochist?"

"Kanda...?" What the hell was up with him all of a sudden?

"Che. I'm not out of sugar, if you haven't noticed."

"But−"

Somebody kill him... "You whine like a girl, do you know that?"

Allen twitched. That jerk was trying to provoke him now, wasn't he? Well, if he was, he was doing one hell of a good job at it.

Kanda tensed as he suddenly felt the other's hand slide beneath his sleeveless turtleneck, just enough to reach his stomach, then stop motionless.

"You're going to regret it." Allen pointed out in a serious tone, as if wanting to give the other one last chance to reconsider. There was something predatory in his gaze all of a sudden.

"Speak for yourself."

Right, since when did Kanda listen to anyone?
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Gone Forever