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We're Crazy (RussCan)	By : socksnbacon Category: +G to L > Hetalia: Axis Powers Views: 1171 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or it's respective characters, all credit to Himaruya Hidekazu. No profit was made with this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
From the way Ivan had been dodging around him for the past few weeks, Matthew was pretty sure he’d done something terribly wrong. It was practically February, and yet the large man managed to not be in a room every time Matthew was. When Matthew had asked Arthur if there were a magic to make someone smaller, or invisible to one person, Arthur had wrinkled his nose at him and then changed the subject. Yet Matthew was certain that there had to be some sort of magic behind what was happening, because he was feeling both rejected and sorry for himself.
That night, the last night he’d spoken to Ivan and been spoken back to, had ended with Arthur awkwardly knocking on the doorframe and telling Matthew it was bed time. That night had ended with a thorough lecture from Alfred, about how he was going to end up being a communist and how Ivan was going to harm him in some way. That night had also ended with Matthew telling his brother to “go screw himself” for the first time in a very long time.
Matthew was sulking in his designated chair during their evening freetime before bedtime. As usual there was action around him, people had found their friends for the night and were sitting down to whatever they felt like occupying their time with, or sat on their own doing their own thing. Ivan had disappeared to his room.
Matthew felt his cheeks flare with frustration and hurt, how did someone who was verging on 2 metres tall disappear? He took a sharp breath and immediately let it out in a sigh, which was equally as sharp. Two could play at that game, anyway, and Matthew knew who the winner would be.
Matthew went to bed early that night, which had become such a common thing that the nurses didn’t even ask him why anymore.
There were a few things that Matthew did the next day, which probably would have ticked off most people. First, he took so much of Ivan’s preferred breakfast that Ivan ended up with very little, decided he did not like the breakfast, and then threw it away while Ivan was watching. Second, he’d managed to make Ivan look like he’d purposefully missed the elevator going back up to the main floor and gotten Ivan in trouble. Third, he’d started talking to Alfred “by accident” in the middle of Ivan speaking during their therapy session just after group .
Ivan hadn’t reacted with more than a look of disapproval.
Matthew felt defeated as he slumped into his chair for his evening freetime. He sighed heavily and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands. He didn’t expect the heavy hand to clap down onto his shoulder.
“Hey Mattie!” When Matthew looked up, knowing the hand was too small to be Ivan, to see Gilbert grinning down at him. Matthew smiled back weakly and tilted slightly away from him, not so subtly trying to escape the hand on his shoulder.
“Hi Gilbert.” Matthew replied, waiting for whatever “awesome” idea Gilbert had come up with.
“You know, you look pretty down today,” Alfred must have said something, “You should come upstairs and watch a movie with me today!” Gilbert winked. Matthew sighed and turned so he was staring at his knees again.
Gilbert was usually trying to lead Feliciano upstairs to watch movies with him, Feliciano usually agreed readily until Ludwig came over to “rescue” him. For a moment Matthew just wanted to feel sorry for himself, but when he realised that Gilbert was actually asking him to do something instead of something else Matthew couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“Yah, let’s do it.”
Relenting had been easier than he’d thought it would be, and as Gilbert “helped” (more like dragged) him over to the elevator with a two fingered salute at the nurse’s station, Matthew felt himself starting to feel a little bit better. He hadn’t used the “you can travel to other floors” privilege in a while, and Gilbert made the travelling all that easier. Arthur didn’t look up from his book, Toris smiled weakly and waved them off like a proud parent, and Ludwig shook his head and went over to “rescue” Feliciano anyways.
-
When Matthew returned to his room that night, just before the movie had ended so Gilbert promised they’d finish it the next day, Alfred was watching him intently from his bed.
“See? Gilbert’s crazy, but he’s way cooler than that,” Alfred’s noise wrinkled, “That Russian.” Matthew sighed and shrugged as he stripped down to his boxers.
“You’re crazy too, and “that Russian” hasn’t spoken to me in a month...” Matthew muttered, hearing Alfred shift on the bed opposite his as he crawled under the blankets of his own and turned to face the wall.
“Oh.” Was that slight disappointment? “Well, good! Arthur wouldn’t give me the war material to strike back at him for tricking you last time.”
Matthew sighed, “You don’t listen.” Silence. “You mean paper?” More silence, followed by nervous laughter, and then more shifting on the other bed.
“Good night Mattie!”
“Night...”
-
If there was something which was actually awesome about Gilbert, it was that he didn’t proceed to forget his promise to Matthew and go back to bothering Feliciano the next day. Matthew had been prepared to spend the evening in his chair, so he’d flopped right into it only to find Gilbert standing over him looking confused and with his hands on his hips.
“Dude, I said we were finishing that movie, I know you didn’t forget.” The implied awesomeness hung in the air, and Matthew looked up apologetically.
“O-Oh, no sorry, I didn’t forget, I just-”
“So let’s GO then! I have other movies to watch you know.” The enthusiasm was contagious, Matthew followed Gilbert to the elevator for the second time in as many days.
There weren’t that many movies, and one had to get “Mental Permission” to watch certain ones, so they weren’t allowed to watch war movies or action movies like Gilbert liked because he got too excited. Francis had had trouble diagnosing which movies Matthew wasn’t allowed to watch, so he didn’t really have any restrictions.
As it was, Gilbert apparently liked Disney movies. For all the awesome the man still had to hide sniffles during Bambi, and jumped up and totally lost his cool with Gaston at the end of Beauty and the Beast.
This was good, Matthew thought, as they stepped off the elevator with Toris who had gone up to get them at bed time. He really felt like he would be able to get over whatever had happened with Ivan if Alfred could keep talking Gilbert into watching movies with him.
“Tomorrow we are totally watching Pinocchio, I love that little guy!” Gilbert exclaimed, almost shouting loud enough to over ride the sound of a door slamming at the end of the hall. For a moment the hallway was silent, eerily so after the loud sound that had preceeded it. Toris glanced at the nurse’s station, but Matthew saw Arthur shrug out of the corner of his eye and Ludwig would be “tucking Feliciano in”.
“Well, good night!” Toris exclaimed, smiling sweetly and escaping back to the safety of the nurse’s station as Gilbert and Matthew also said their good nights and went to their separate rooms.
-
For some reason the next day was very tense for the whole ward. Matthew didn’t know if something had happened before he woke up or not, but it seemed like everyone was on edge. Arthur kept getting angry at Alfred for every thing that came out of his mouth, which seemed completely normal except he was actually getting angry instead of just annoyed or perturbed. Someone accidentally gave Yan Huo a napkin, which he managed to set on fire, and Feliks spilt milk on his “favourite skirt” and threw a fit until Toris agreed to wash it by hand.
Various tiny things like this happened through out the day, as if everyone was having a bad day, so when Gilbert finally approached him at the end of the day Matthew was ready and willing to go watch whatever Gilbert wanted to watch. If Gilbert had announced that they were suddenly allowed to was pornography Matthew would have still gone with him.
“Pinocchio, right?” Gilbert asked, looking hopeful as they approached the elevator. Matthew found himself smiling.
“You really like it that much?” Matthew asked, tilting his head to the side just in time to catch Ivan standing in his peripherals. He stopped dead in his tracks, Gilbert stopped a half a step forward and jumped about a foot into the air.
Ivan... Looked far to calm. His eyes were closed, his eyebrows furrowed slightly, his arms crossed lazily over his chest.
“Man, don’t just appear like that, it’s creepy.” Gilbert said, after a short moment of awkward silence. He pivoted on his firmly planted right foot and turned to grin at Ivan.
“I do not know this man you speak of,” Ivan replied coldly, “I have been here entire time.” As he spoke Ivan opened his eyes and turned to look at Gilbert with a glare that could have started the next iceage. “You have clearly been spending so much time with Matvei I have become invisible to you.”
For a moment Matthew wanted to know why Ivan cared if he was invisible to Gilbert, but then realised that something was definitely off with the statement as a whole, when Ivan glanced at Matthew and then back at Gilbert he realised the statement had not been meant for Gilbert at all.
“What’s a Matvay?” Gilbert replied, sounding altogether like a genius. The same dexterity that had surprised Matthew weeks before surprised him now, because Ivan reached out and grabbed his wrist without so much of a batting of an eyelash.
“Matvei, is this.” Ivan replied, squeezing Matthew’s wrist tightly and trying to tug him forward. Finally Matthew found his voice.
“This?” He asked, pulling away from Ivan’s grip with a strength only he knew he possessed. Sudden awareness of the situation struck him, “So I’m a thing?” His voice shook, he was disappointed to find it wasn’t with anger.
“I believe he can answer that.” Ivan replied, his stare had switched to Matthew the second he spoke, but now flicked back to Gilbert. He was seemingly unsurprised by Matthew’s strength.
“I didn’t know what you were talking about!” Gilbert protested, throwing his arms up in defence.
“Dude shut up!” Alfred protested from the couch, pretending he’d actually been watching the television that was anchored up in the corner of the room.
“Dude, you shut up! This guy’s messing around with my movie date!”
“This will be no date.” Ivan’s voice was chilly like his gaze had been, and caused the protesting Gilbert to turn around and focus nervously on Ivan. Arthur suddenly appeared at Matthew’s left shoulder.
“Boys, you need to keep quiet, you’re being disruptive.” This statement was aimed at Ivan and Gilbert, though Arthur kept his gaze on Ivan as he spoke.
“I am wanting to speak to Matvei.” Ivan replied, his gaze level as Arthur’s as it settled on the thickly eyebrowed man. Arthur sighed, glancing at Matthew.
“Do you want to speak to Ivan?” Arthur asked, seeming genuinely interested. Matthew all at once felt an overwhelming want to scream both yes and no. The fact that he was able to put all the energy into a stiff shrug, as he looked away and to the floor, was amazing to him.
“Why would you not want to talk to me?” Ivan asked, Matthew could feel that both Arthur and Ivan were staring at him now.
“Dude this is bullshit.” Gilbert retreated to bother Feliciano to go watch movies with him.
Matthew almost felt like he wasn’t allowed to speak after Gilbert had spoken. He glared at the floor and curled his hands into fists, allowing all his confusion to focus into them and causing his arms to shake slightly. A soft hand which was Arthur’s found it’s way onto his shoulder, and the man whispered a comforting, “Come on now, lad.” Before Matthew turned to face Ivan, the glare melting into the look of confusion he’d been trying to keep off of his face.
“I tried to talk to you.” Matthew muttered, his voice hushed and cracking slightly as he spoke. Ivan watched him for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face, and then looked up and away from the pair of them. Matthew sighed and his gaze began to fall to the flower, however he caught sight of Ivan reaching up with his hand. Reflexively he looked at Ivan’s hand, only to find it wasn’t reaching for him, but to scratch under his scarf as he’d been doing the last time they’d formally spoken.
There wasn’t much thought to the next thing Matthew did, he reached up to forcefully grab Ivan’s hand and pull it back down again, “Stop that!” He snapped, and was aware that there were more eyes on him than there had been previously. Ivan, apparently unaware that he’d just gotten the attention of half the room, was staring down at their hands, Matthew clasping his tightly. Instead of trying to pull away from Matthew’s hold, Ivan’s hand twitched slightly and then closed around what part of Matthew’s hand he could hold on to.
“Prostite... Please, speak with me Matthew.” Ivan said softly, glancing up at Arthur and adding, “My door will be open.” Arthur shrugged and turned away, apparently pleased with that answer.
Ivan looked down at Matthew and for a moment purple met purple. One the purple of sunset, the other of dawn. Matthew felt his bottom lip tremble, and swiftly caught it in his teeth, but nodded slowly. His gaze falling to their intertwined hands, to which Ivan replied by releasing him.
Reluctantly Matthew released Ivan’s hand, watching as the man turned away and began the short walk to his room, only to take a few steps and glance over his shoulder to make sure Matthew was following. Matthew smiled nervously and followed.
-
“Speaking” turned out to be sitting awkwardly beside each other on Ivan’s bed, staring at the wall across from them, the door, out the window, anywhere but each other. Matthew craved an answer to his confusion, Ivan apparently just craved to have Matthew sitting beside him.
“Ivan...” Matthew started, feeling the larger man stiffen slightly beside him. When the man relaxed and spoke, it was not what Matthew had wanted or expected to hear.
“I do not like you travelling to different floors with Bielschmidt.” Before Matthew could complain Ivan continued, “I may not understand your kindness, but I do not want you using it with him. You must only use it with me.” Matthew wondered if Ivan realised how much like a child he sounded, or how selfish he sounded.
Instead of getting angry, Matthew arranged his hands calmly on his lap and glanced up at Ivan out of the corner of his eye, “I can’t be nice to you if I can’t see you.” Ivan flinched as if Matthew had struck him.
“I am... I am sorry for this Matvei, I am sorry for making you make that face of not understanding,” Ivan was referring to the expression Arthur had goaded out of him earlier, “I am not understanding, like you are not understanding, but I am not being hurt like you.” Ivan fell into silence and began to eye Matthew’s intertwined hands out of the corner of his eye. Matthew sighed, feeling bad for expecting good social skills from someone who hadn’t seen the light of day in five years.
Matthew unclasped his hands, reaching blindly between them to take Ivan’s hand with his own. Ivan twitched, but did not flinch as he had before. The hand which had been laying flat against the bed clenched into a fist, but Ivan seemed content to have Matthew’s hand on top of his.
“I saw blood,” Ivan started again, slowly, and hushed, “I wanted to...” A soft grin grew onto Ivan’s face, “To smash his face into the wall and see if he wanted to see movies still after.” Matthew shuddered, hearing the murderer in Ivan for the first time made him want to inch away, but he resisted. Ivan turned to face him, the grin practically dropping off of his face, “But Matvei made such a face...” With his free hand, the man reached over with his free hand to cup the curve of Matthew’s jaw, “I do not want to see it again.”
Matthew was caught for a moment, the way Ivan’s body curved to cover his entire vision causing him to be uncomfortable for just a moment before he relaxed. He was suddenly painfully aware of the way Ivan was looking at him, and while part of him was still wondering how Ivan had gone from speaking murder to touching his face so gently, the other part of him was screaming at him to take advantage of the situation.
“Matvei-” Ivan was silenced, because Matthew had pressed his lips ever so gently against Ivan’s bottom lip. It was chaste, and Matthew didn’t want any more than that. He pulled away, his face going red, and tried to pull his hand away in an attempt to escape.
“It was just... So...”
And Matthew was pulled into one of those hugs again, the hug that took his breath away and made him realise how desperate Ivan was for affection. Since they were on the same level Ivan easily pulled Matthew onto his lap and Matthew felt his nose nestle it’s way into his hair as it had the last time they were like this. With the slighest shift of position Matthew was curled up on Ivan’s lap and had his hand fisted in Ivan’s coat, he could feel Ivan’s heart pounding beneath his fingers.
“I was afraid you’d question me,” Ivan whispered, “Then I was afraid you would not question me. I was afraid you would hear from Mr. Jones things that would make you hate me, and I was afraid you would run away...” Matthew twisted his hand slightly in Ivan’s coat, and shook his head in a way that seemed like a nuzzle.
“I...” He croaked, had to swallow and try again. It was weird how Ivan’s words had seemed so easily spoken, meanwhile Matthew was sitting in the large man’s lap unable to say anything. A hand found his hair, and stroked. Matthew was reminded of a time long ago, and turned to hide his face against Ivan’s chest as he opened his mouth to speak again, “I don’t want to run away, I like you. I don’t like how Alfred talks about you, even though I think he thinks it’s a game most of the time, like truth or dare or something...” With a sigh Matthew pulled away, just so he could see Ivan’s face while he spoke.
The man was looking at him blank faced, but Matthew realised it was probably his content expression, and Matthew felt a smile tug at his lips, “I kept seeing you all alone, I know how that feels you know. I won’t ask questions, either.” Now Ivan smiled.
“I want you to ask questions.” Ivan replied, seemingly more brave than he’d felt even moments ago. Only now Matthew realised that Ivan’s voice had been shaking slightly beforehand.
“Then I will ask questions.” Matthew retorted.
“You cannot do both, you will, or you will not?” Matthew sighed, smiling right back at Ivan and turning to rest his head on Ivan’s chest again.
“I’ll do whatever you want.” Matthew replied, listening to Ivan’s heart for a moment, still feeling it strong under his fingers.
“I want another kiss.”
Matthew’s face flared.
- 4
- 5
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We're Crazy (RussCan)