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Burning Bridges	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 4721 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
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Chapter 5

Gomen Nasai

Natsu could smell that Gray was still in Magnolia. He only had to sniff for a few minutes before he knew precisely where the Ice-Make wizard was hiding. Sure enough, he walked down to the river where they always fought as children, and Gray was sitting under the branches of a willow tree.

"A drooping willow. Appropriate place for a droopy-eyed bastard."

Gray jolted and looked around in shock.

"You said you were getting out of here right away," Natsu mentioned with a frown. "What happened? Chickened out?"

Gray settled back down. "Something like that. For some reason, I couldn't leave this city. I didn't want to be that far away from you, even if that means getting caught and arrested."

"So you came here? Did you want to get caught?"

Gray looked back out to the glittering water. "Maybe," he muttered.

Natsu walked down to the river and stood in front of Gray, sneering at him. Gray's sad eyes stayed turned away with a melancholy face. Natsu gritted his teeth as a tear slid down his cheek.

"I hate you!"

Gray could not look at him, but his brow tensed at hearing those seething words. "I know," he said sadly.

Natsu leaped forward and punched Gray in burning anger. "You fuckin' raped me, bastard!" He gave a left hook that sent blood streaming out of Gray's mouth. "Do you think I can just forgive you? Did you think I'd come here, see your sorry ass, and forget it all?"

"Of course not," Gray admitted. "I expected you to come down here..." His eyes gazed up coldly. "...and fight me one last time."

Natsu's fists stopped, and his face sneered with flames of rage. "Do you think punching you a few times will solve everything?"

Gray shook his head. Although his eyes were melancholy, his face went frigidly serious. "Kill me, Natsu."

The dragon slayer backed up a step, and his cheeks went pale. "Wh-what?"

"By all rights, I should be arrested and left to rot in jail. I don't want to waste away like that. For a fighter like me, that's worse than death. I thought I'd run away, leave you to your happy life, but then I realized you'd never be happy until you got even, and there's no way I can be happy when I'm away from you. I realized...just how much I hurt you. Knowing you, the fact that I physically hurt you probably doesn't mean much at all. It's the emotional pain that you hold onto. I thought, what if you were betrayed so badly, it changed the Natsu I love? What if, because of me, you can't make friends in Fairy Tail anymore? What if you were so humiliated, you quit the guild? That terrified me worse than the idea of going off on my own. That's why I've been sitting here since sunrise, waiting for you to come, to fight me and take out your revenge on me. I wanna die knowing you can go on and be free from the darkness I plunged you into. You're the one I hurt, so kill me."

The flames on Natsu's body doused. He listened to Gray's words of regret, and again the emotions struggled within him. The carefree member of Fairy Tail wanted to drag him back, let Erza deal with him, then forgive him like how people in Fairy Tail often forgave former enemies. However, the fiery dragon slayer within him wanted to take revenge and show Gray just how deeply his feeling of betrayal ran.

"You confuse me," Natsu accused angrily. "Damn you!" Tears stung the corners of his eyes. "You make me want to stop thinking, just act, grab you, and never let go."

Slowly, Gray forced his eyes up in bewilderment.

Natsu's hand rose to cover his flushed and crying face. As much as he tried to fight back, tears came pouring down. As all the hatred dissolved and ideas of revenge burned to a crisp, all that was left were feelings of reminiscence, yearning for their arguments, brawls, and laughter. He missed the rivalry and mockery whenever they met, Gray's laugh whenever Erza pounded Natsu onto the floor, his icy attacks, and the grin of determination Gray had whenever they fought.

Now, when he recalled that night, all he remembered were the sensations of Gray's soft touches, his slightly chapped lips, his tickling icy breath, his messy black hair, the gleam in his blue eyes, and that frosty passion that overwhelmed everything like a blizzard. Natsu recalled his own sense of desire and lust. His body flinched at the memories. Rage battled against pleasure. His heart both shuddered and raced at the thought of embracing him again.

Natsu shouted in frustration. "Goddammit, why the hell am I in love with you?"

Gray's mouth dropped in shock, and he blinked in confusion. "You...what?"

"Shut up! I should hate you, and I do hate you, but...but I..."

He suddenly threw a flaming punch into Gray's gut, sending the ice wizard falling to the ground with burn marks eating away his shirt until the whole thing crumbled to ashes.

"You goddamn fucking bastard!" bellowed Natsu as he hit Gray again and again. "If you had just told me...if you'd just..." He collapsed on top of Gray, lightly punching his chest with both hands as the sadness overwhelmed him. "If you had just told me directly how you feel..."

Natsu began to sob uncontrollably, like a dam burst in his eyes. He crushed Gray into a hug and buried his face down into the cold skin to hide the shame. Natsu wished the tears would stop for at least a couple of minutes so he could explain all of this without jolting sobs interrupting him.

"Natsu," Gray whispered in astonishment. "You...you love me?"

Natsu was too choked up to answer, so he just nodded.

Gray lost all of his breath. He shoved Natsu off of him, pulled away, rose with trembling knees, and backed away from the crying young man. He looked down in horror unlike any he had yet felt.

Thinking he had hurt someone who saw him as just a rival was one thing, and that was bad enough to want death. Knowing he had forced himself onto someone who actually loved him and would have accepted him...knowing he destroyed that chance by giving in to his own greed...

"Oh God, what did I do?" he gasped as his whole world tipped and jumbled.

"Fuckin' raped me, that's what you did!" sneered Natsu.

Gray could hardly breathe. "I...I'm..." I'm what? Sorry? You idiot! He would have accepted you, and you destroyed everything. You ruined your one chance. You ruined Natsu! The man you love! The man who loves you! You ruined him, dirtied him, destroyed any chance of having him, all because you were too much of a coward to tell him yourself and too stupid to realize he...he...he loved me.

He looked down to the dragon slayer with unfathomable regret. Natsu's eyes were narrow with simmering rage. Slowly, wiping his face with his scarf, Natsu stood up. The grief had passed, and his chest felt empty now, waiting to see which emotion filled it next.

"I hate you," the dragon slayer whispered. "You destroyed my trust, Gray. For doing that, I can't forgive you."

Somehow, hearing those soft words were like a knife in the chest.

He loved me, and I destroyed that with my own hands.

Gray looked down at his fingers. He had forced his touches on Natsu, hurt him with these hands, sullied him and tore apart the bonds of their friendship...with these hands! His fingers tightened into fists as tears dripped down his face.

"I don't deserve you," Gray mumbled. He laughed wryly and sniffled at the bitter irony of it all, learning about Natsu's love after he had already destroyed the foundation of those emotions. "I don't deserve to be loved by anyone, least of all you. I...don't deserve...to live."

There was a pale blue flash in his hands, and suddenly a knife took shape. Before Natsu could clearly see it, the blade slammed into Gray's stomach. He gritted his teeth from the pain.

"Gray!" Natsu screamed in horror. He watched numbly as the ice wizard tried to pull the knife across his gut for disembowelment in the style of harakiri, ceremonial suicide. Pure terror made Natsu shiver with coldness. He grabbed the bloodied, shaking hands to pull the knife away. "No! Don't you dare commit suicide!"

Gray had his eyes closed, ready to accept his fate. "I don't deserve to live."

"And I can't stand by and watch my nakama die!" screamed Natsu.

"I don't...don't deserve...to be...anyone's nakama."

"I'll decide that, idiot!"

Natsu's hands burned hot, and the ice knife melted. Still, blood poured out of the gaping wound. Gray collapsed backward. He felt like everything moved in slow motion now. His head fell backwards to the grass, and Natsu dropped to his knees beside him.

"Gray!"

He stared up into the swaying branches of the willow and the summer blue sky beyond. Natsu's voice was bliss as darkness crept into his vision. He felt Natsu pressing on the bleeding stab and heard more shouts slowly fading away.

"No! Come on, Gray. Don't...don't you dare die."

"Sorry," he gargled out as his breathing slowed.

"No...Gray! Don't...don't leave me." Natsu pressed harder against the spurting blood. "Do you think I want this? Do you think this will satisfy me? Goddammit, don't you fucking die until I can beat the shit out of you first, bastard!"

"Always...such a foul...mouth," Gray chuckled weakly.

His eyes turned to look at Natsu. He wished the dragon slayer was not crying, although he looked so cute sobbing like that. And crying over him! It was sweet of him, although Gray felt he did not deserve those tears.

"Sayonara, Natsu. Be happy in this lifetime...and...gomen." He slowly closed his eyes as the darkness took over. "Gomen nasai...Natsu."

The words died on his lips. He still heard Natsu screaming, but Gray felt satisfied.

Maybe in the next life, he would do things better.

Maybe...

End of Chapter 5

A/N: "Gomen nasai" is Japanese for "I'm sorry."
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Burning Bridges