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'Sexy Devil' Luffy	By : DonalGraeme Category: +M to R > One Piece Views: 31029 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I in no way profit financially from the writing of this fanfiction. One Piece is the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda and Shonen Jump.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
Review Replies:
Christopher: Thanks for the info. Sorry that it squicks you; it’s going to be that way till the end of the Arlong arc. Hope my writing is enough distraction.
doubledamn: I’m glad you get my sense of humor. Surprised or not, I’m glad you enjoy the story. And those ladies will get just a taaaaaaaad OOC.
Chapter 5: Sweet Temptation in Syrup Village
Once Nami had made her peace with the fact that Luffy had left half her hard-stolen treasure behind and she was incapable of drowning him in revenge, she begun ask question after question. She wanted to know exactly who she was sailing with and what to expect. Given the sheer oddness of her companions, that was proving to be a much longer course of action than she was used to. She had dealt with Zoro very quickly, since she’d already heard of his reputation and he was a simple enough guy, but Luffy was one miracle and mystery after another.
“What exactly is that energy you use?”
“I told you already, sexual energy.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what exactly IS that?”
Luffy realized that he was going to get very tired very quickly of having to explain his powers to every new person. He half wished he had a less complicated fruit, but he firmed his resolve. “From what I can tell, every person has an aura. I actually can smell them, but that’s not important. When two or more come into intimate contact, they mix and produce a whole new energy. I can harness and use that energy.”
“How exactly do you get it when you, um, produce it?”
“Well, I suck up the product like a sponge. I hardly even think about it anymore. I can also use the overlap of auras to convert life-energy into sexual energy. So I can turn my partner’s aura into energy and suck that up with the rest or give some of mine to them. Those are Consume and Heal.”
“You can take bites out of people’s souls?!” Nami shouted, her eyes widening.
“I’m not sure if soul’s the right word, but yeah. Don’t get so worried, it grows back… unless I take it all. But I only do that with people who deserve to die.”
Having a good idea of what kind of people he meant, Nami decided that she shouldn’t make too big a deal of it. “Where does it go?”
“I kind of have a second stomach, or at least it feels that way. The energy I absorb floats in there, waiting for me to use it. It all gets slowly… digested, I guess, making me stronger and faster and increasing how much I can store.”
“Is all the energy the same, or does it vary?”
“Mostly it all gets used the same, if that’s what you mean, but the energy Zoro and I make would be different from what you or I could make. Fantasy Form is the only move I have that really relies on the difference.”
Nami blushed at the idea of ‘producing energy’ with the gorgeous beyond gorgeous man, but reminded herself firmly that he was a pirate. Plus a lifetime of bad and worse experiences of ‘that’ kind made her hesitant. Then her mind caught on to something Luffy said. “So you two are together!”
“What gave it away?” Zoro asked sleepily, readjusting his head where it was laying in Luffy’s lap. The straw hat man had been idly scratching the greenhead’s hair since the start of the interview.
Nami felt a bit embarrassed at missing the obvious, but put it down to all the stress she’d endured in the past five hours. Luffy just chuckled. “Of course we are. Zoro’s my nakama. Ergo, I love, respect, and cherish him. That’s how my crew works.”
“It doesn’t count as a crew if it’s just one person,” Nami pointed out. “And are you putting together a crew or a harem?”
“To me, they’re the same. I asked Zoro to help me become Pirate King, and he said yes. The least I can give him is my heart in return. The same goes for everyone that will link their dream to mine.”
Nami tried and failed to wrap her head around that kind of twisted logic. “You’re not going to make moves on me, are you?”
Luffy got a playful grin. “Of course not. We’re just temporary allies. Unless you want to reconsider my offer. I promise you won’t regret it if you’ll give me the chance.”
Nami found it hard to look at the epitome of attraction before her. To distract herself, she moved to a macabre topic. “Back to that Consume thing. That’s pretty scary, the idea that you could kill someone with a kiss.”
“Depends on the person,” Luffy said. He elaborated before Nami could ask. “The strength and speed of Consume depends on how much energy my victim has, and how much our auras overlap. Obviously I have to do it with a certain amount of speed, otherwise they’ll fight back, and I’d be pretty vulnerable in that kind of situation. Sure, I could gobble up a random person walking down the street just by crooking my finger. But against someone as strong as me, I’d have to be in the act with someone that genuinely wants it. If they’re stronger than me or not totally into it, that could get pretty ugly pretty fast.”
“Alright, that makes sense.” As she cast about for the next question, Nami started to wonder whether she really wanted to know all the juicy details on how Luffy’s sex powers worked. Plus the sun was starting to set and she’d had a long day. “One last thing. How come that bomb thing didn’t do any damage but you could make that whip or the wall?”
Luffy started to feel a headache coming. “I’ve never really thought about it that hard, Nami, and I’m not exactly a scientist. My guess is that sexual energy is still energy. It can be harnessed and channeled in new ways, but it’ll still stay true to its nature. My whip hurt the furry because pain can be a part of pleasure. Rejection works because you can turn away partners. But explosions and sex don’t really go together. So Bliss Bomb sends people into orgasm instead of blowing them to pieces.”
“Right. And… that’s my limit. I am done thinking for the day.”
“Here, here,” Zoro spoke up.
“You’ve been dozing off the whole time!” she yelled back, her teeth growing sharp.
The band of three made a meager dinner out some apples out of a barrel Nami found on her stolen boat. When the sun was dipping low in the horizon, Nami turned to face her traveling companions. “Now listen here. I don’t know, care, or want to think about what you two do when you’re alone. But when I’m around, you two keep your hands to yourself. Good night.” With that, Nami laid down behind the tiny storage compartment on her boat where they couldn’t see her and started breathing heavily.
“Where does she get off telling us what to do?” Zoro asked, his brow twitching at the ridiculousness of a slip of a girl ordering him around.
“Well, it would be rude if we kept her up with your cries of ‘fill my sheathe!’ or my singing practice,” Luffy demurred. Zoro felt heat fill his cheeks at the reminder of how his captain made him beg and the younger’s unique orgasmic sounds. Zoro had heard of screamers, moaners, those who maybe whimpered softly, motor-mouths, and even gigglers. But Luffy was the first person he’d ever known to sing out in full operatic voice in time with the peak of his pleasure. When asked about that surprise on day 2 of their pleasure cruise, Luffy answered “My first time, she said ‘Sing for me, angel’. So I did. It just kind of stuck.”
Zoro laid back and stared at the sky as night fell. Luffy did the same in the other direction, their heads next to each other. The two quietly admired the stars. This had become a habit during their time alone. Of course, normally it ended with one last quickie and falling asleep spooning, but Zoro accepted that wouldn’t be happening tonight. If Luffy was going to be polite, than he would too.
“Can I ask my own question, or are you too wiped?”
“Ask away. Just please make it simple,” Luffy murmured very tiredly. Since he had more than one store of energy to exhaust, fights were more draining for him than the average person. Of course he could ‘recuperate’ very quickly, so it balanced out.
“Why didn’t you make her say yes?” Zoro traced a constellation as he brought up something that had been nagging him since they’d set out. “You like her, I can tell, she’s pretty, I guess, and she’s bound to be useful. I don’t get why you didn’t just charm her like you did me so she’d join the crew.”
Luffy sighed. “And I asked you nicely for an easy question.” Luffy reached to grab Zoro’s hand and squeezed. “First off, it actually scares me a little when I MAKE people do stuff. Getting favors I’m okay with, but brainwashing them with what I can make them feel frightens me. I have this fear that it’ll go to my head and I’ll just become a rapist that never has to hear no.”
“The fact you worry about it is proof you aren’t the kind of person who would,” Zoro said immediately. He was only just grasping how much baggage Luffy must be carrying from being a constant target of abusers.
“Thanks, Zoro.” Luffy turned his head to kiss his first Mate’s temple. “But mostly it’s because she hasn’t asked and I don’t feel enough to push. With you, it was chemical. You were hot, smelled awesome, really strong, and I could tell you were a good guy. That was all I needed to know. And I might have beaten your arguments when you were dazzled, but you said yes, even when I gave you a chance to back out.”
“Considering you made that offer when we were at second base, I’m not sure it counts.” Zoro and Luffy exchanged grins at the joke.
“I like Nami, she seems nice, and God knows we need her if we expect to get anywhere. But she’s got her own issues to deal with. I’ll try to turn her around, but I’m not going to force her into something she doesn’t want to do.”
Zoro sighed. “I guess I get that.”
Luffy grinned at his swordsman, before that grin turned positively mischievous. The pirate captain scooted down until his head was level with Zoro’s crotch. He leaned his head over and began to nuzzle the hidden prize.
Zoro sucked in a breath. “I thought we were supposed to keep our hands to ourselves.”
“So we won’t use our hands. Remember to be quiet.” Luffy’s eyes smoldered as he looked over at Zoro before seizing the swordsman’s pants in his teeth and started to pull. Zoro lifted up his hips to help, which was needed since his excitement was making the job a bit harder. He was then treated to the magnificent experience of Luffy undoing his fundoshi with nothing but gentle tugs and bites, the silky halo of his hair caressing Zoro’s thighs as the greenhead’s erection got teased by brushes through thin cloth from his lover’s face. When it was done, Luffy deep-throated him with no preamble. Zoro fought harder than he had against Cabaji to keep from moaning. When Luffy adjusted so he was kneeling over Zoro, the greenhead reached up and began to distractedly try and return the favor.
Luffy moved back up, feeling his throat move around Zoro’s cock, before sinking all the way down again, loving the heady flavor of his swordsman’s sex running along his tongue. His nose pressed into the little dip between Zoro’s balls and he breathed deeply, soaking up the mind-numbing musk of his lover as the coarse green hairs tickled his cheeks. He continued his ministrations, trying to keep focus as he felt Zoro pull his zipper down with rough motions and start to lap at his head like an ice cream cone.
Zoro felt himself as turned on as if they were going at it doggy style as he began to blow Luffy in time with his own heavenly oral love. Something about the constant struggle to keep his hands down and not make a noise hyped the tension up deliciously. Zoro froze and forced himself not to bite as he felt Luffy’s head twist around his cock. That was new. Not wanting to be one-upped, Zoro buried what little trepidation he had and raised his head up all the way until his chin hit Luffy’s groin.
Luffy swallowed, which made the rod stuck in his throat jerk. His mind was filled with nothing but the sweet, pulsing warmth that enveloped his entire dick. No one had ever taken him to the root. He hadn’t even been sure it was possible. If he hadn’t loved Zoro before, he did now.
The two began an almost see-saw like motion. Zoro would raise his hips to get sucked in by Luffy, before raising and tilting his head so Luffy could thrust down into the depths of his throat. Hands twitched, but they stuck by Nami’s unintentional challenge to not touch each other. And while the sound of saliva-wet flesh moving was an inescapable part of any sex, the two kept as silent as they could. It was probably the hottest gay 69 in the history of East Blue.
Zoro felt the pressure reach boiling point and sunk into the familiar too-intense pleasure only Luffy could provide. He felt his release get lapped up by an eager tongue as Luffy pulled back to taste. As he felt Luffy begin to twitch, he arched up one last time to let his captain’s jizz pump straight into his stomach.
They pulled off of each other, catching full breathes for the first time since they began. Luffy recovered first and twisted to cuddle into Zoro’s side. The swordsman wrapped an arm around his captain and sunk into the land of dreams, the bright moon the last thing he saw.
XXXXXXXXXXX
The team landed on the beach and eagerly got off their boats to stretch their legs.
Earlier that day, Nami had declared that two small boats were not sufficient transportation for the Grand Line. Luffy with his typical nonchalance had asked her to find the nearest island. She showed her talent, finding the best current and avoiding patches of bad weather with nothing but her eyes. She was truly gifted.
“It feels good to be back on dry land,” Nami commented.
“I hope this place has a strawberry field. I need my fix.” Luffy spoke with utter severity.
Zoro yawned, and then froze. The next moment, the ground at their feet started to jump as numerous projectiles impacted. Nami hid behind her boat while Luffy and Zoro engaged in an odd dance. When it ended, they turned to face the source. The greenhead gripped his katana and stated “We’re not alone.”
A very loud, ostentatious kind of laugh filled the air as a series of pirate flags went up in groups of three along the top of the cliff. Out from behind a tree hopped a remarkable young man. He had large eyes, full pouty lips, and a nose that stuck out from his face like a stick. He wore brown overalls, covered his afro with a bandana, and had a large bag at his side.
“Behold! I am the pirate who conquered this land! People see me and fall down in awe of the great Captain Usopp! Flee now or my 80,000,000 men will pound you into the ground!”
All this was said in a nasally shout with a tone that all but screamed ‘liar’.
“Does he really think we’re that stupid?” Nami asked her associates.
Luffy took a deep breath. “I don’t know who taught you how to count, honey, but you only have three men with you. And I use the term loosely.”
“AH! WE’RE DISCOVERED!” Out of the bush appeared three small boys, their heads bearing odd resemblances to vegetables. They vanished down the road faster than spooked ostriches. The boy named Usopp watched them go in panic, before turning to face the three like he might be sick. “Shit, I’m on my own!”
Nami bent down to pick up one of the projectiles that had nearly hit them. “I thought it was a bullet, but it’s actually a pachinko. Who uses a kid’s toy as a weapon?”
“Shut up!” Usopp shouted, pulling out a green slingshot and lining up a pachinko at Luffy’s head. “Alright! I’ll admit I lied about the men and the conquering thing! But this is still my village. I won’t allow a bunch of pirates to come in and ruin this island’s peaceful ways! As you noticed earlier, my skill with the pachinko is even better than a pistol! If you try to fight, I won’t back down. Y-you might ask, ‘how can he be so resolute?’ It’s because I am full of a pride that won’t b-back down. That’s why people here call me Usopp the Proud!” He was very obviously shaking like a leaf, fighting the urge to run.
Luffy straightened his hat. His face was curiously blank. “You should only draw your weapon if you are prepared to use it. You should not be surprised if your enemy responds in kind.” Then Luffy disappeared. Nami and Usopp’s eyes widened as Zoro’s eyes tracked invisible movements. The straw hat bearer reappeared right in front of Usopp, whose eyes almost popped out of his skull. Luffy looked up and stared straight into a familiar stranger’s eyes. “Are you prepared?” Luffy asked.
Usopp felt his heart stop. Looking down, he hadn’t gotten a good look at the guy in the vest, whose hat had blocked his face. But now, he had a clear view. And what a view it was. He made Kaya, the prettiest girl Usopp knew, look like the ugly stepsister. The long-nosed boy barely registered the pirate’s physical features, other than to note they were stunning. His beauty went deeper than just the skin. Unyielding strength, flowing grace, light playfulness, an unbreakable will, and beneath it all a sensuous, indulgent hunger. These were what Usopp saw, and the external perfection was merely a mold for that majestic spirit. What little strength of will Usopp had vanished as he looked into the face of his enemy. He was a cardboard box against a palace. He hadn’t a prayer.
Usopp dropped the slingshot and fell to his knees before Luffy. “Who am I kidding? Against a man like you, I’ll never be prepared. I’m just a hopeless coward. If real pirates are men like you, then I don’t deserve to call myself one.”
Luffy’s blank mask melted into concern. “Hey now, don’t start beating up on yourself like that. I was just paraphrasing something a friend said. I wasn’t trying to break your will or anything.”
“It isn’t that hard to do. Well, go on then. Kill me and be done with it.”
Luffy sighed. “Honestly, I was just trying to have a little joke. You really need to work on that self-esteem of yours, honey. One little bit of posturing and you’ve lost all faith in yourself. Lighten up!”
Usopp looked up at the living embodiment of everything he’d always wanted to be but was sure he’d never have. “Easy for you to say. You don’t know what it is to know you’re pathetic.”
“Maybe not, but I do know that nothing gets you nothing. If you don’t like being a coward, work on being brave. Now can we please stop with this depressing conversation and skip to the part where you treat us to lunch and I tell you stories about your dad?”
“M-m-m-my dad?!” Usopp was so shocked that he slipped and fell off the rock and plummeted towards the beach. He was halfway through a decent scream when the mystery superman caught him bridal style. He blinked and looked into the exasperated smile of his savior. Parts of his insides writhed with mortification while other parts writhed with something quite different as he felt the play of muscles holding him up.
Luffy breathed deep and took a tiny taste of Usopp’s aura. ‘Gunpowder, fish, green apple candy. Pure, untainted, innocent. Doesn’t know his own strength. Creative as all get out. Bi. Total sub. Could mature quite nicely with some encouragement.’
Unaware he was being assessed like a wine, Usopp hopped out of Luffy’s arms and turned to face the source of his latest inferiority complex. “What do you know about my dad?”
“He’s Yasopp, right? I met him when I was a kid. The Red-Hair Pirates used my village as a base. He talked about you a lot.”
“Red-Hair? Your village? Me?” Usopp felt like he’d stepped into one of his lies. “Who are you?”
The true pirate wrapped an arm around Usopp’s shoulders. “Monkey D. Luffy. So how about we discuss it over some food?” As Luffy led a dazed Usopp down the road, he signaled Zoro and Nami to follow.
“Um, what the heck just happened?” Nami asked, watching the walking pair go with zero understanding as to anything that had occurred in the past ten minutes.
Zoro grinned secretively. “Luffy’s started the recruitment process. This should be interesting to watch.”
The four ended up in a small restaurant in a quaint, pastoral village that looked like it was simply too boring for anything bad to happen. The owner was reading a newspaper while sitting in a rocking chair. The clock was broken. Nami was pretty sure she had caught sight of a napping sheep on the way through town. It was just that fucking calm and peaceful. A hearty lunch was steadily getting demolished by Zoro and Luffy as Nami ate sedately while Usopp hung on the stories of the father he could barely remember that poured from Luffy’s lips. And if he was having certain thoughts about those lips and getting a fuzzy feeling at the constant smile sent his way, than so much the better.
“Your dad was an awesome marksman. He could shoot the wings off a fly from across town! And he was always going on about the son he loved that he could never see again. He made it sound so tragic, how the lure of piracy had kept him from home. You could tell he loved it though. But he really did miss you. I heard so much about you my ears almost fell off!”
Usopp sighed dreamily. “I’m so proud of my dad! Leaving behind his life to brave the world. Pirates are the great warriors of the sea, don’t you think?”
Nami raised an eyebrow. “So these Red-Hair Pirates are fakes and that’s where you got your twisted ideas from?”
“You take that back!” Usopp shouted, spittle flying as he got right in Nami’s face.
“Down, boy,” Luffy crooned, pulling Usopp back by his shoulders. He started to massage as he leaned close to whisper audibly in Usopp’s ear. “Nami here is of the opinion that ‘real’ pirates are those disgusting curs that ruin lives and all us nostalgic dreamers are using the wrong word. I’ve tried to tell her it’s the other way around, but she just doesn’t seem to get it. But we know that piracy is about adventure and romance, don’t we Usopp?”
The captain of the Usopp Pirates made an odd sound halfway between ‘uh-huh’ and a moan. All tension seemed to have vanished from his body beneath Luffy’s soothing rubs. He leaned into Luffy quite obviously. The general impression was of a purring kitten. Nami watched Luffy work his magic with bewilderment, almost feeling like she was spying on an intimate moment. Zoro eyed the liar up and down and gave Luffy a subtle thumbs-up. The straw hat teen grinned like he’d been given a real treat.
“Say, Usopp-kun, could you help us with something?” Luffy asked as he ceased his ministrations and grabbed one of Usopp’s hands with both of his.
“Huh? What?” the liar asked dazedly. His entire face was tinged pink.
“See, we don’t have a pirate ship yet. And we’re not really pirates until we have a lovely ship to sail the seas with, are we? Could you help us? Do you know anyone we could talk to about buying a ship or having one built? I’d really appreciate it.” Luffy grinned and kissed the hand he held with a gentle grip.
Usopp shivered visibly, but then seemed to gather his wits. He made no move to take back his hand though. “Well, this village is pretty small. We don’t have a shipyard or anything. But I’m friends with the heiress in that mansion up the hill. If we ask her and she likes you, she could get you a ship real fast.”
Luffy squealed and hugged Usopp tight. “Thank you! That would be awesome!” The Sexyman sniffed and caught the unmistakable strengthening of scent that indicated lust. He also heard Usopp babbling nonsense as he tried to answer through Luffy’s hair. The long-nosed boy was really just too cute. Luffy just wanted to gobble him up like a sweet.
Zoro watched with amusement as Usopp led them out of the restaurant and towards the mansion. The soon-to-be-pirate marksman still hadn’t let go of Luffy’s hand. Zoro had no doubt in his mind that Usopp would be sailing away with them. It was obvious that Luffy already had him wrapped around a finger. Zoro took a second to wonder why on earth he wasn’t feeling jealous. He put it down to the Bond. Because even though he could see the obvious affection and light in Luffy’s eyes as he looked at the imaginative teen, Zoro could still feel the strength and pull of Luffy’s claim to him in his thoughts.
On the way towards the mansion, they ran into the small three boys from earlier. Once they’d finished freaking out thinking that Luffy had taken their captain prisoner (they were actually half right), they had introduced themselves as Pepper, Carrot, and Onion. Nami felt deepest pity for them for having such unimaginative parents. They had proceeded to try and talk up their captain to the visiting pirates.
“The heiress used to be really sick and sad. After her parents died, all the strength seemed to just drain out of her!”
“But then the captain showed up and started to cheer her up with his lies! She laughs at all his outrageous stories! Now she’s much, much better!”
“Captain Usopp just wants to liven things up in the village! He runs through the village every morning screaming about pirates invading so people will get up and chase him!”
“I like the way the Captain keeps meddling in other people’s business!” Carrot proclaimed.
“I like the way he overreacts to everything,” Pepper confessed.
“I like the way he lies!” Onion yelled.
‘Those aren’t really things to be proud of,’ Nami thought to herself.
They arrived at the mansion, where an impressive gate was flanked by wall-high hedges and two no-nonsense guards. Usopp turned to face the group. “Be quiet. The staff doesn’t exactly know that I come here often. There’s a secret entrance around the corn-”
“No need, Usopp-kun.” Luffy interrupted. He walked right up to the two guards, who regarded him with professional distain. They took their jobs too seriously to cave to a pretty face. Luffy raised an eyebrow before bending forward at the waist and cocking his hips just so. “Tantalize,” Luffy whispered, capitalizing on the guards surprise by augmenting his Aura and aiming it right at them. Hearts replaced their eyes, and then they noticed each other. They immediately broke into a fist fight, which carried them around the corner. Luffy then crouched and jumped clear over the gate. He opened it and told his stunned audience “Come in.”
“Awesome!” the kids shouted.
“How did you do that? The guards went crazy and then you jumped so high!” Usopp’s eyes looked in danger of falling out of his head.
Luffy shrugged. “A Devil’s Fruit and an active lifestyle.”
“A Devil’s Fruit? They’re real?”
Nami rolled her eyes. “Please tell me I wasn’t this annoying yesterday.”
“Twice as annoying,” Zoro answered with no hesitation. He got punched in the head for his troubles. She didn’t look like much, but Nami had a hell of a right hook.
Luffy sighed. “Look, we’re here to ask your friend for a ship. So let’s keep the questions for later, okay? Besides, I have a rule that I only explain my powers to my nakama.” ‘That I made two seconds ago.’
With the look of a man who only accepts what he sees because he expects to wake up, Usopp led them to the left of the grounds, where a respectable tree had a branch right in front of a window where the silhouette of a young woman could be seen. With all the confidence of a squirrel, Usopp scaled the tree and knocked on the windows. They opened almost immediately, revealing a lovely girl with blonde hair and a very pale complexion dressed in a simple shift. There were bags beneath her dark eyes, hinting at her sickliness, but in all other respects she seemed the picture of health. It might have had to do with how her whole face lit up when she saw who had called on her. Luffy felt a twinge of unease, not wanting to break any hearts if he stole Usopp away, but relaxed when his nose detected only sisterly affection.
“Usopp-kun!” she cheered, her voice light and airy, almost insubstantial. “What story are you going to tell me today?” She leaned forward on her elbows, as eager as a child at bedtime.
Usopp scratched the back of his head, a broad smile forcing his eyes closed. “Hmm, what’ll it be today? Well… there was the time I battled a giant gold fish when I was 5 years old. He was gigantic! An aquarium the size of this mansion wouldn’t fit one of his fins! At first, I actually docked at his droppings, thinking they were land! But no, his poop was really just that huge! Then I swam out to him and climbed all the way to his back. Boy, was that exhausting! It was like scaling a mountain. But I’d traveled so far that I lost view of my ship! I tried to light a fire to signal my crew, but the goldfish thought I was trying to cook him! He really didn’t like that…”
The heiress was in danger of dying from laughter. Usopp really was an excellent storyteller, changing his tone and volume to match the situation, making silly faces and gestures to express certain actions. Luffy got a dreamy grin as he imagined Usopp entertaining the entire crew on starry nights out at sea. It was in that moment that he fell, warmth and light and a magnetic pull towards Usopp settling in his heart. The marksman was adorable, in clear need of love and attention, and had the spirit of a true pirate beneath the feeble exterior. Luffy was going to make him his nakama and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
Usopp seemed to sense Luffy’s eyes on him. He glanced down at the end of his tall tale and noticed the intense, near possessive gaze in the beautiful pirate’s eyes. Feeling faint, Usopp reminded himself of the real reason for this visit. “Anyway, Kaya, I brought some people with me today. They want to ask you something.”
Kaya looked down, only seeming to notice the other trespassers on her estate at that moment. Her gaze shifted from Usopp’s cute little underlings to a smiling woman to a stoic swordsman to the grinning visage of a cherub that had clearly grown up very nicely. She silently marveled at the sheer perfection of the androgynous man, before the manners she’d been raised with from birth kicked in. “Good day, sirs and lady. How may I help you?”
A voice of golden bells and chimes answered. “Kaya-ojousama, we are humble sailors who find ourselves without a worthy vessel. We would be eternally grateful if you would be so kind as to provide us with a ship for our travels. Should our ventures prove successful, we would be more than happy to compensate you for your generosity in due time. Please help us in our hour of need.” The man with the straw hat bowed low, unaware or uncaring of the incredulous expression the redheaded woman was giving him.
Usopp stage-whispered then. “They’re good people, Kaya. Please, please, please be nice.”
Kaya took a second to consider the sudden proposal. She sensed nothing but honest need from the very polite visitor, and he had Usopp’s backing. Besides, the accounts were so self-sustaining that she had more money than she could possibly spend in one lifetime. This seemed like a worthy enough cause to invest in. She was just about to voice her approval when a harsh voice shouted “Hold there!”
The group turned to face an approaching butler. He had greasy black hair slicked back, glasses, and a stern expression. He wore an immaculate suit with gold tassels to show his higher status in the household and wore shoes composed of diagonal stripes of steel-grey and black. Luffy took one whiff and put up his guard. While lacking the miasmic stink of a rapist, the man’s aura was filled with an ice that brought to mind morgues and operating rooms, places of cold, sterile death and blood.
The man quite patronizingly and dismissively ordered them to leave, as if they were rabbits invading the carrot patch. Upon spying Usopp, a ugly glint entered his eyes. The butler, revealed by Kaya’s protests as Klahadore, proceeded to provoke Usopp by insinuating he was scheming to steal Kaya’s money and mocking his pirate heritage until the marksman snapped and socked the man in the mouth. The butler made cried out at how barbaric Usopp was, as if he were trying to convince Kaya that he was bad company. Usopp silenced him with a shout, proclaiming to the heavens his pride in being the son of a pirate.
Klahadore responded with more insults, almost driving Usopp to punch him again. He froze as Kaya spoke up, standing up for Klahadore, saying he only wanted to keep her safe. At this perceived betrayal by his friend, the fight seemed to drain out of Usopp. He left with little fuss, stating he would never come back. He failed to see the pained expression on Kaya’s face as she watched him go. The little kids cursed out Klahadore before running for the hills. Luffy gave the butler a glare, which was loftily ignored as the pirates followed in Usopp’s tracks.
“What a self-righteous prick!” Nami huffed.
“I didn’t get a very good vibe off that guy,” Zoro mused.
“Of course not. He’s a sociopath. Probably a murderer.” Luffy paid no attention to the looks of disbelief his companions sent him. “I don’t want to think about what he has planned for that sweet girl. I half wish he’ll do it while we’re here though; I’d love an excuse to kick his ass. No one talks to my nakama like that.”
“And where did you get that?” Nami asked, only to roll her eyes when Luffy tapped his nose. He’d told her he could smell people’s auras, she just hadn’t imagined he could get so much information out of it.
“So Usopp’s our nakama, huh?” Zoro asked, a wicked grin on his face.
“Well, there’re a few minor details to work out, but it’s a done deal. It would be a nice way to christen the ship, wouldn’t it?” The two lovers exchanged very naughty looks.
Trying very hard not to read to deeply into that, Nami spoke up. “Have you even asked him yet?”
“What’s your point?”
They came across the three vegetables, who were muttering about the butler. Luffy asked where Usopp would run to when he was upset, and left the other two to have a one-on-one with his newest love.
Luffy found Usopp laying in the shade of a tree by the cliff, his legs hanging over the side. The captain silently took a seat beside him. They sat there in silence for a few moments, letting the sweet music of the surf fill their ears. Finally, Usopp spoke up. “I always dreamed that one day I would join my dad as a pirate. I’d set sail and see what this world had for me. But it was all just more of my lies. I’m too weak and scared to ever face any of the challenges of piracy. And I have too much to lose here; there’s Kaya and Pepper, Carrot, and Onion.” Usopp turned to face Luffy. “How do people do it? How do people leave behind everything for a future they can’t ever be certain of?”
Luffy grinned and cupped Usopp’s face. The liar shivered at the touch. “You know what makes a pirate a pirate? It’s not the ship or the bounty or the treasure. It’s conviction. It’s the ability to devote your life to the pursuit of your deepest desire. And nothing, not Marines or storms or disease or death itself, can keep you from trying. We tame the seas because we’re too damn stubborn to quit. If you fly a Jolly Roger, it’s a pledge to never back down. You might falter, you may trip, you may even fall, but a true pirate will NEVER turn back.”
Luffy leaned in, and Usopp unconsciously did the same. “And you know what makes it all worth it, when it’s dark and cold and it all seems hopeless? Your nakama. The people that will support you through it all because you’ll do the same for them. A pirate can do the impossible because his crew is there beside him to share the load. Your nakama drive you, make you more than just yourself. Because it’s pointless to have everything in the world if there’s no one to share it with.” Luffy crossed that tantalizing last inch and whispered against Usopp’s lips “I want you to be my nakama, Usopp-kun.” Then he kissed him.
Usopp enjoyed a blazing, soaring bliss for two seconds of relativistic time. Then Luffy jerked back, his nose wrinkled. For an instant Usopp feared he’d done something wrong, then Luffy pulled them back from the edge and peeked over. Usopp, puzzled by the odd behavior (and still fried from the drug that was Luffy’s touch), looked over the edge as well and became convinced that this day really was all a fantastic delusion.
Klahadore was walking at the foot of the cliff, even though he’d barely set foot outside the mansion since Kaya’s illness. Following him was a weirdo in a blue overcoat with odd rings, hat, and heart-shaped sunglasses. The weirdo seemed to be walking backwards in a move that defied all logic. Then the butler turned and spoke in harsh tones that made his prickliness from earlier seem like the picture of courtesy. “Django, I tell you not to make a spectacle of yourself and I catch you sleeping in the middle of the road. I don’t have the patience for your theatrics.”
“Calm down, cool cat. I was just showing off my skills to some kids. And I ain’t weird.”
Klahadore rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Is everything in place?”
Django seemed to gulp in nervousness. He spoke confidently though. “Yep. Your plan to have us kill the heiress so you inherit her fortune is a done deal.”
Usopp was pretty sure his heart just stopped.
The butler scoffed. “You idiot. She has to die in an ‘accident’, you understand? And her money would never go automatically to me. That’s why I need you to hypnotize her to write a will leaving her estate to her dear butler Klahadore for his years of service. Got it?” An ugly grin crossed Klahadore’s face.
Django shook his head. “You’ve been pretending to be the loyal butler for three years now. You’ve managed to gain everyone’s trust, even after the girl’s parents ‘mysteriously’ died. You’re a great actor, Captain Kuro.”
Usopp opened his mouth to shout only to have Luffy’s hand cover it. The sexy pirate knew that they had to keep quiet or they’d lose the element of surprise in trying to stop this evil plot. His brain wasn’t made of rubber or anything.
‘Kuro’ glared at Django. “Her parent’s deaths were not my doing. It was unexpected. And I told you that I don’t go by that name anymore.”
“Whatever. It’s just as well that this happens tomorrow. The boys have been anchored for a week now. They’re starting to get restless. Raiding the village is sure to deal with their energy.” Django laughed at his little ‘joke’, while Kuro/Klahadore just grinned cruelly. In short order, the two departed, leaving no evidence that either had been their discussing treachery. Only then did Luffy let go of Usopp. The long-nosed teen looked like his world was falling apart.
“Was all that real?”
Luffy got a sad grin. “While I’m pleased you enjoyed the kiss so much you thought you were dreaming, I’m afraid it was.”
Usopp didn’t even touch what had just happened between them. “I can’t believe it. I knew Klahadore was a bit of a bastard, but to think he was Captain Kuro in disguise! Kuro of a Hundred Plans, the notorious captain of the Black Cat Pirates! I thought he was executed three years ago. But instead he was hiding out here all this time! And now he wants to hurt Kaya!”
Luffy frowned. “He’s definitely Nami’s idea of a pirate. No real pirate could ever retire like he did. Guess he couldn’t take life on the sea. He’s really rather pathetic.”
“Never mind that!” Usopp jumped to his feet. “W-w-we have to do something! We got to warn everybody! We can’t let this happen!” Usopp had already started to dash away before Luffy got a hold of him.
“Whoa, honey. Take a second to think. How often do you run through the village screaming that pirates are coming?”
“Almost every day. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“So what makes this time any different?”
Usopp gaped. “It’s different this time because it’s true! Pirates really are going to come tomorrow!”
“They. Don’t. Know. That.” Luffy tried to impress the reality of the situation through Usopp’s hysterics. “They have no reason to believe you any more than they did this morning. What’s more, this time you’re going to try and tell them how Klahadore, the venerable, trustworthy, model citizen is actually a pirate plotting to assassinate the girl he’s loyally served for three years. No one in their right mind is going to believe a word you say.”
Tears started to fill Usopp’s eyes. “So what am I supposed to do? I can’t just let this HAPPEN!”
“You won’t.” Luffy gripped Usopp by the shoulders, looking him right in the eye. “Zoro and Nami and I will stop them. I don’t like how these pirates operate, so I’m going to bring them down.” Luffy grinned and kissed the tip of Usopp’s protruding nose. “And if you’re half the man I know you are, you’ll be there with us. Something inside of you won’t let you just run away and hide. You’ll stand there, at our side, doing the right thing.”
Usopp was scared. He was also shaking, worried, and fighting the urge to cower behind a rock. But he also knew that he would try and stop those pirates if it was the last thing he did. And he felt a spark of hope as bright as the light in Luffy’s eyes “Um, about that, uh, proposal earlier…”
Luffy smiled like the sun and put a finger to Usopp’s lips. “You’ve already answered. I can see it in your eyes.” Then he kissed Usopp again, this time without any evil butlers interrupting. And Usopp knew that if he survived the next day, he would follow this man to the ends of the earth.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Luffy and Usopp walked back towards where they’d each left their crews. They found Nami with a bored expression while Zoro and the vegetables all napped. Usopp woke the latter with a shout of “Usopp Pirates, report!” In an instant, the three hopped up, fully awake, and began to shout at the top of their lungs.
“Captain Usopp! We spotted a really weird guy coming through town! He wore some tacky clothes and was walking backwards!”
“He stopped and told us that he was just a passing hypnotist. We asked him to show us something and he said that he didn’t have the time, but he did it anyway!”
“He waved this really sharp ring back and forth and said we would fall asleep when we heard the word ‘Django’. I heard him count to two and then the next thing we heard was your voice, so it must have worked!”
“He knocked himself out too. What kind of hypnotist gets affected by his own tricks?” Nami asked with a huff. Luffy filed away that important tidbit for later.
“Anything happen on your end, captain?” asked Carrot, who was the most outgoing of the three.
Usopp gulped and started to sweat. He masterfully covered it with a broad grin and wiped away the incriminating drops with casual movements. “Oh my, do I have something for you! You know that mean butler? I saw him having a secret meeting out by the cliffs! He’s really a pirate who faked his own death and has spent three years hiding out here. But now that everyone trusts him, he’s ordered his old crew to attack the town and kill Kaya so he can inherit her wealth! Isn’t it horrible?”
The children gaped and started to panic, shouting about how terrible it was and how they needed to warn everyone. Just as they were going to run off, Usopp started to laugh. “Hahaha! You should have seen your faces! I just made that up to mess with you! Like pirates are really going to invade.” Zoro cracked open an eye, the slight edge in Usopp’s voice tipping him off that something was wrong. He shifted his gaze to Luffy, who gave the smallest of nods.
The children all but collapsed in relief. “Don’t scare us like that, captain! You really had us going there.”
Usopp shrugged. “Well, it’s been a long day. Why don’t you all go home and get some dinner. I expect you to report tomorrow at the crack of noon! Usopp Pirates, dismissed!” With his cry, the kids eagerly took off, their heads full of thoughts of a hot meal and not the dread that no amount of Luffy’s reassurance could shake from Usopp.
“Well, that does it. I told them that pirates would invade tomorrow. But I’m a liar. So it’s my duty to make sure that what I told them won’t be the truth. Those pirates aren’t going to set one foot in my village!”
Nami straightened. “Wait a minute. You mean that’s true? The butler really is in disguise and his crew’s going to attack tomorrow?”
“Yep. And we’re going to help Usopp stop them.” Luffy spoke of the impending pirate horde like a simple chore, like taking out the garbage. To a man of his skills, that wasn’t an unapt metaphor.
Nami eyed the man she’d seen move faster than the eye could catch and throw objects as far as the horizon. “Let’s get one thing clear: all of their treasures are mine.”
“Yeah, yeah, you greedy shrew,” Zoro muttered under his breath. “That wound from Buggy’s finally closed. Time to see what I can do at full strength now.”
“You really don’t have to do this.” Usopp briefly wondered where the hell those words came from; he needed all the help he could get if he wanted half a prayer to survive. But apparently some stranger had hijacked his lips, because more words completely at odds with his cowardly nature spilled out. “This is my village, so it’s my problem. I don’t want you to risk your lives for something you have no stake in.”
Luffy grabbed Usopp’s hand and held it in front of him, like they were making a pact. “You’re my nakama, so it is my problem. And Zoro’s my nakama, so it’s his problem too. And Nami’s more than willing to help us with the solution. You don’t have to do this alone, honey.”
Usopp felt something in his throat. He swallowed it down with difficulty. “I get to be the Captain,” he stated, all seriousness.
Luffy rolled his eyes and suckled one of Usopp’s fingers into his mouth. The liar almost collapsed. “Come now, Usopp-kun. You know I should get to be the Captain.”
A/N: I was half-tempted to just BS all the fighting and get straight to the smex and fit the whole arc in one chapter, but then I asked myself if I would want to read something like that. So I’ll end here. I hope that my overcomplicated prose and superlative imagery make up for a lack of lemons. Promise things will heat up progressively as more people join the crew. Till next time!
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'Sexy Devil' Luffy