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The Taming of the Shield Hero	By : Bruce_Juice Category: -Misc Anime > Het - Male/Female Views: 16803 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a NSFW non-profit parody of the acclaimed (?) light novel series The Rising of the Shield Hero by Aneko Yusagi. Media Factory & CR hold the novel and anime distribution rights, respectively. I own none of it. I'm just a guy.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
♦ Aftermath ♦ ~ A Hero Tamed
The Shield Hero arrived back at the capital, a changed man. The angelic Filo pulled his cart into town along the cobblestone roads, drawing attention from every passerby. Their stares were not so kind. The citizens cursed beneath their breath, unearthing toxic gossip at the sight of Melromarc’s most reviled foe. Even so, the Hero smiled back at them, waving his hand like royalty. Raphtalia sat beside him and followed suit. Together they completed the image of a handsome king and queen, straight out of a fairytale. Naofumi had never felt so charming. Though admittedly, no one save for the woman at his side would dare agree.
The uppity entourage soon reached their destination.
“Halt, Filo!” commanded Naofumi. They came to a stop. He helped his partner off the cart in a most gentlemanly manner. The formidable Filo joined the couple, too, transforming back into the guise of an adorable cherub.
The trio stood in the shadow of a large tent. Beneath it hid the business of Slave Trader Beloukas— the old gremlin who’d bestowed Naofumi with both his servants. After falling out with the blacksmith, and not counting his two loyal party members, this was likely the Shield Hero’s only ally.
But things were about to change.
The Trader offered a gleeful greeting as they entered. “Well, look who it is!” He extended his arm to Naofumi like an old pal. “You’re positively glowing. Not to mention my merchandise…” He turned his attention to the two young ladies, grinning with pride as he curled his cartoonish moustache. “You’ve kept them in excellent condition!”
“Yeah, about that…” Naofumi reached into his parcel and produced the Crest. It looked the same as it did that night, printed on a loose, transparent sheet of unknown material.
Beloukas’ jaw dropped. He stared at the seal, then at Raphtalia’s chest, then back again... and erupted into raucous laughter.
“Ohoho! Oh, my word! To think a modest chap like yourself would lose your temper that badly. Incredible!” He continued, still chuckling. “What did you say to her to invalidate the warranty!? Do you dare repeat it? No, no, we shouldn’t— the little one is present. But wow, am I ever curious…”
The Shield Hero furrowed his brow. “Yeah, yeah. I got a little carried away.”
“Well, no matter. It can be reapplied at the ‘Servant’s behest,’ as I’m sure you’ve read. Considering Raphtalia is here with you, that seems all in order.” Beloukas adjusted the lapels of his tacky tuxedo. “Let’s get on with it then. I’ll reapply the Seal. I’ll charge you less for it than I would a new one; it’s only fair.”
“Hold on, that’s not why I’m—” Naofumi paused. “Wait, we could do that ourselves, for free! You damned grifter.”
“You misunderstand, boy.” The Trader tipped his hat. “Sure, any old fool can reattach the Seal with nothing but a damp cloth and their Servant’s trust. But what happens when they disobey an order? Nothing! You have no power! To activate the runes, you need someone like me. Without the proper incantation, that thing is useless! Nothing more than a mean-looking tattoo, you follow?
Just think of what would happen without that protection. A slave could overpower its Master and make them wear the Crest. Imagine that— Master and Slave, all switched around! You could be forced into all kinds of terrible, unspeakable things against your will. But you see, the mark would lose all its power in that situation. Thank goodness!”
“… Oh.”
An awkward hush fell over them all.
“Well, as I was trying to say…” continued Naofumi, filing that embarrassing thought away for later. “That’s not why I’m here.”
“Oho?”
“I’m saying goodbye to this place,” Naofumi declared. “And I wanted you to know I don’t need this anymore, either.” With that, he let the Slave Crest slip from his fingers. Smile fading, the Trader watched it float to the ground and crumple beneath the Hero’s heel.
“Well, then.” Beloukas frowned. “I understand if you wish to release Raphtalia. But my auction holds many other fine specimens—”
“No, thanks.”
“Even so, I offer many other services—”
“No.”
The Slave Trader lowered his head and spoke in grave tones. “You’ve nary a friend out here but me, Naofumi. You’d better watch your back.”
The Shield Hero clenched his fists. He didn’t have to take this; he was a man. A Man who Most Definitely Had Sex. He flipped his emerald green cloak and moved toward the exit with a noticeable limp. “We’ll be fine without you,” he called back. “Don’t expect to hear from us again. You’ll know how we're doing when all the kingdom is singing our praises!”
Beloukas scoffed at the idea, but let the lad be. Naofumi opened the tent flaps for his friends to exit first. He followed, shielding his eyes from the sun as he passed through.
“There he is!”
“Don’t let him get away!”
Shouts came from all directions. Spinning around, still adjusting his eyes to the light, Naofumi raised his shield. He could see Raphtalia and Filo complete the battle formation, armed at the ready with their blade and talons. And surrounding them…
The royal guard. Some forty armored men, all pointing their weapons at the trio. Two officers on horseback flanked the cart they rode in on. Behind the lines of soldiers stood a crowd of angry civilians, still growing as word of the commotion spread. In seconds, the military’s spearmen closed the distance, and moved to block the entrance to Beloukas’ establishment as well. The Shield Hero and his crew were surrounded.
Fuck. Not this shit again.
“Drop your weapons, criminals!” one of the officers shouted. “We have a warrant for your arrest!”
“What is it now!?” the Hero yelled back.
“The charges are Petty Theft, Public Indecency, Private Indecency, Treason…” the officer paused for dramatic effect: “… and Murder!”
Gasps erupted from the onlooking crowd.
“What!? That’s bullshit!”
A messenger, dressed in peacock blue coattails, strode up beside the accusing officer. He unfurled a lengthy scroll, and began to read the Shield Hero’s purported crimes aloud:
“On Tuesday the 18^th, constituting Public Indecency: In this very town, the accused was seen tossing around a melon filled with his own semen.”
“Melon-fucker!” jeered the crowd.
“Hey! I wasn’t tossing it around…”
“Only two days ago, beginning a series of heinous crimes in the town of Bangington: Private Indecency!”
“Oh, come on.”
“Using the materials of local blacksmith Erhard, the accused traveled to Aukerman’s Inn, and fornicated with his tanuki slave, Raphtalia. This raucous interspecies romp was so grotesque and unhinged, multiple residents throughout Bangington claim it prevented them from sleeping!”
Raphtalia blushed as the citizens booed. “Why don’t you get some earplugs, you heathens!? The lot of you are just jealous!”
“Thanks, babe.” Naofumi leaned towards her and began to whisper. “Hey maybe now’s not the time, but just wondering, did you know the Crest wasn’t actually gonna kill me when you ordered me to do all that crazy sh—”
“On that very same night!” the messenger interrupted their chatter. “As witnessed by a young married couple near the inn, Mr. Aukerman himself was devoured by a large chicken. Which could be none other than the accused man’s other slave. Her actions, a responsibility of her owner’s, constitute a murder!”
“She was hungry!” protested Naofumi. God, if only they knew Filo’s appetite.
“The next charge, of Petty Theft, took place the following morning. Before the accused left Aukerman’s Inn, he opened the man’s register, and robbed him of every cent!”
“Okay,” Naofumi raised his hands in bewilderment. “Someone tell me what a dead man was supposed to do with all that money!”
The messenger closed his eyes and rolled up the parchment. He stepped back as the shouts grew louder. The citizens of Castle Town were livid. This Demon had the gall to show his face in their kingdom? Commit these terrible acts in the guise of a Hero? And then brazenly admit to all of them before the royal guard!? This was unforgivable. They sought justice against this fiend. They wanted his blood.
“Well?” the second officer asked over the howls of the audience. “What do you have to say for yourself, Shield?”
“I say this is an outrage! An outrage, I tell you! Hypocrisy at its finest. And furthermore, you’ve listed no evidence of Treason! How can anyone trust you after that glaring omission!?”
“The Treason is from your unsavory encounter with Princess Malty a mere few months ago. The citizens know that part already.”
Oh, right. That whole thing. Naofumi’s arms fell to his sides, and he hobbled forward. “Well, fucking fine. You want to arrest me? Go ahead. I’ll come peacefully…”
“Naofumi!” Raphtalia protested.
“… on the condition that I may speak to the masses. I have a lot to say.”
Raphtalia and Filo exchanged looks, as did the two royal officers. The men nodded at each other, then issued hand signals to the surrounding guards. The spearmen lowered their arms. Naofumi was cuffed and walked over to his own cart. He was hoisted on top to gain a better view of Melromarc’s furious citizens.
“Ladies and gents, unknit thy threatening unkind brows. I come before you as a changed man. Not the same man you met mere months ago. Nor the man I was two days ago. For I received a gracious bounty that changed my view of the world forever.
I, Naofumi Iwatani, had sex.
And partaking of this Fruit of Life, I was bestowed as well with the Fruit of Knowledge. I learned something valuable. Something about love, life and happiness. And furthermore… society.”
Confused mumbles circulated the crowd.
“As I took that massive dildo in the ass, quivering in ecstasy, I realized: I never would have had this, had I not relinquished my power over Raphtalia. This institution had blinded me. I thought our relationship could live within the confines of slavery, even thrive because of our mutual bond. But I was wrong. Not because our love was evil, but the institution. The institution itself is evil!”
“Slavery is evil!” shouted one man, in excited agreement.
“Sure,” Naofumi continued. “Some of those we call slaves are undeniably stupid and annoying. I’m not saying we give all of them rights.” He looked at Filo, who clearly wasn’t listening. “But it’s worth looking into, don’t you think?”
The whispers of the audience began to change color.
“And it doesn’t end there! Rooted deep within all our minds are preconceived notions of ‘man’ and ‘woman’— ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’— but we are not limited by these labels! They are mere conventions, meant to further enforce these existing power structures, and nothing more!”
“Gender is a social construct!” shouted someone from the rear of the crowd. The soldiers and citizens alike murmured excitedly at these revelations.
“And lastly, age. Why… look at Raphtalia. Her beautiful form. Her grace and nobility, with wisdom and charm rivaling that of any lady in this kingdom. As we made love, it made no sense to stop and count her years. I knew in my heart she was a woman. In ten years of life, she’s earned as much. Age is just a number!”
“Incredible!” the audience began to cheer. They were in awe, wondering aloud why they never before listened to this wise prophet. Naofumi smiled and bowed, feeling aptly rewarded at the end of his long journey.
But it was cut short.
Suddenly, a dark figure appeared next to the Hero. All at once, the crowd fell silent. They were so distracted by the young man’s sermon, the intruder made it all the way to the cart, past the guards, without them noticing. The mysterious man grabbed Naofumi by the scruff of the neck, and spoke:
“What the hell is wrong with you people!?”
No response. The blacksmith Erhard stood there, his grip on the Shield Hero tightening with frustration. “Y’all damn near run me out of business because of my association with this kid. You hate him. You are literally, religiously opposed to his very existence. And after all the harsh words, all the bullshit… now you change your tune!? Give me a break! You’re just a bunch of sheep!”
“You know what?” began one of the officers. “I think he’s right. We pretty much just agree with whatever anyone tells us!”
Everyone nodded.
“This horny idiot isn’t worth your time!” Erhard shouted. “I’m tired of hearing about him. It’s dumb! You’re all so fucking dumb! It’s giving me a damn migraine. Now if you’ll excuse me…” With impressive strength, he hoisted Naofumi over his shoulder. “This boy made a fool out of me. He’s coming back to my shop so I can beat the shit out of him. Sound good to everyone? I can assure you it’ll be punishment enough for all his crimes.”
“H-hey…” Naofumi stammered. “Wait!”
But the people of Melromarc were already convinced. The crowd dispersed. The royal guard sent word to the Crown, and in a few short days, Naofumi would be cleared of all charges. The Church of the Three Heroes would be dismantled quickly in the following weeks. The Shield Hero’s failed arrest and subsequent speeches inspired citizens to think for themselves, and to address the widespread, historically accepted power structures which shaped their society at home and abroad.
In the present, Raphtalia and Filo followed Erhard back to the Weapons Shop. They watched the blacksmith work. They watched him smack the shit out of Naofumi as he would a molten blade. It was, in a word, incredible.
At last, a welcome sight for Shield Bro’s friends:
The Taming of the Shield Hero—
~ The End ~
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The Taming of the Shield Hero