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Fight Me, Bite Me	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 39446 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 50
- 51
- 52
A/N: I'm still working on Nanowrimo. Sometimes, having a "treat" for yourself spurs a writer to reach their goals. That's important in a marathon contest like this. For me, my goal was to write 25k words, half of the requirement for Nanowrimo, and then post a chapter. I met that goal, and this is my treat: more like a treat for you, but your comments are treats to me. It's kinda short but important for this angsty arc of mine. The next chapter will be posted when I reach 50k and win this contest!
Audio Drama: http://chirb.it/z7DPK4
Chapter 51
Not What He Wanted
Natsu left on an extended mission just before the Fantasia festival. The guild was used to the days when Natsu would leave for weeks looking for Igneel, and in general no one really said anything about long missions. They were simply part of the job.
Gray did not feel like explaining everything. He let Lucy know simply that he and Natsu "were not seeing each other anymore," and that was enough for the rumor to spread. Before the end of the day, everyone in the guild knew that Fire and Ice had finally sundered. Gray was just relieved to find out that no one had been so heartless as to start up a betting pool on when they would split up. It was a bit of a relief to know that his friends had not somehow expected this all along.
For Fantasia, Gray reluctantly shared a float with Juvia and Wendy, using their combined elemental magic to create a wet-blizzard tempest. Shortly after the grand harvest festival, winter settled in, and Gray got a lot more jobs that specifically called for an ice user. With Natsu gone and Gray being called away during the snowy winter, the rest of the guild could merely speculate on what actually happened between the couple.
Two lonely months passed. Gray could not go to the guild without looking at the scratch marks at the bar where Natsu had clawed into the wood while they had sex while the guild was flooded underwater. Every time he lit a candle, he would spend a few moments watching it burn and drip, remembering how much Natsu had loved the tingle of hot wax on his skin. He could not take a shower without remembering the night he took Natsu's virginity. He could not eat ice cream without smiling at memories of Natsu turning himself into a giant sundae. He could not even eat a pizza with olives without thinking about the time when he had sucked olives off of Natsu's toes.
Everything around Gray reminded him of Natsu, because the Fire Dragon Slayer had become everything to Gray.
Even his private moments were not as good anymore. No quick yank in the shower went by without remembering those hot hands. Browsing porn either made him remember when he and Natsu had tried some position, or he would think Natsu would look great wearing that. He found himself lying in bed, daydreaming about moments he particularly liked, and stroking himself lazily as he played through the memories. He rarely came that way. He just wanted to feel aroused and happy in the midst of so much gloom.
Gray was not sure what he had expected of all this. He had never before tried an open relationship. He realized he could easily hook up with a girl during this time. A change in partners might even be good for his emotional health. However, he rarely felt any desire for intimacy at all. When he was off on missions, he would sit in pubs and taverns, looking around, but no one interested him. Ladies came up smiling and rubbing their hands over his body, but Gray eased them away.
No one could ever replace Natsu.
He agreed once. The lady was absolutely his type, and she was eager to suck him off. Gray went with her, yet as this nameless woman tried to pleasure him, Gray only felt sick. It was not the scalding mouth that dripped molten saliva as a fire-brand tongue licked him. There was no way he could get off like this, not with someone else. He left the lady unfulfilled, fuming, and calling him names as he silently left her apartment. He went home and showered, yet he still felt dirty.
He felt like he had cheated on Natsu. He kept trying to convince himself that was not the case; Natsu wanted some time apart, he was free to do as he wished, but … that only reinforced the fact that Natsu left to seek out more experience, to try new things.
Gray collapsed into bed and stared up at the ceiling. What was Natsu doing? Where was he? Was he having one-night stands like this? Did he find a girl? Or a guy? Or was he still working on his mental stability? How was that going? Did he still have nightmares? Could he at least talk to Happy about it? When would he be back?
Gray closed his eyes and thought about Natsu. He recalled the firmness of his paddle hitting flesh, the cries of pain and begging for more, and those moments when Natsu wanted to hold on to Gray with his hands iced protectively. Those hot hands clawing into his skin always aroused Gray. The moans, the heat from his body, skin turning brilliantly pink from his strikes…
Gray had stripped at some point, and his cock was in his hand. He still felt that woman's mouth on him, and Gray did not want that.
He wanted Natsu's mouth, Natsu's tongue, his fiery breath and scalding saliva. He wanted to thrust into that throat and hear the choking moans.
He rubbed more with his eyes closed. Natsu had ruined him. No other partner could possibly compare to the Fire Dragon Slayer … his beloved!
"Natsu," he whispered into the void. "Nnngh … want you … need you … dammit, please come back!"
He grimaced in loneliness, yet his hand kept moving. He wanted memories of Natsu's body to cleanse away the feeling of that woman.
"Natsu!" he whined. "I … l-love … y- … shit!" he hissed angrily. "Fuck you! Fuck you, Natsu. Messing me up. Making me love you!"
He paused. He said it! Not directly to Natsu, but aloud.
"I wanna say it," he whispered. "I wanna tell you … I love you."
His cock tingled in pleasure from saying it.
"I love you," he whispered. "Please don't die out there. I want you back! Dammit, I wanna feel you. Spank you for going away! Punish you for leaving! Fuck your mouth, fuck it so hard your lip splits, fuck your throat until you almost pass out, and make you swallow it. I wanna … nngh … love you … kuh … so … m-much!"
He came with a gasp, and the sexual tension purged out of him. He would forget that lady; he did not even get a name, or if she said it he really did not care to remember. She was gone, and Natsu's memory lingered like a ghost to haunt him.
It physically felt good, but it was emotionally empty. Masturbation was no fun unless Natsu was watching him, talking in that low, simmering voice. He floated for a few minutes, but he sank back into the mire of his life.
"Damn you," he cried softly. "You spoiled me too much, asshole."
The new year rang in, and Natsu returned for the party. He looked roughened up from living on the road for months. Lucy teased him about needing a haircut (Gray personally liked the longer hair) but at least he was smiling and laughing. Gray watched him from afar, sitting at a table drinking with Juvia.
"Is Gray-sama going to say hello to Natsu?" she asked him.
Gray wanted much more than just to say hello. The loneliness had eased away while Natsu was gone, but seeing him back reminded Gray of all the sensuality of that body. As he saw Lisanna greeting Natsu and getting in a boisterous hug, Gray remembered the feel of those arms embracing him.
"If he says hi to me, then fine," Gray grumbled.
Juvia pouted. "He may be waiting for Gray-sama to say hello first."
Gray looked away as seeing Natsu pained his heart.
For Natsu, being back felt good. He and Happy rushed to the guild without even bathing off the dirt from traveling on the road. The smell was the same, and the smiles warmed his heart. This was home! He grinned at seeing Wendy a little taller, Lucy's hair was a little longer, Erza had new armor specially made for the New Year, and Gray…
He glanced over and paused when he saw Gray sitting at a table, hunched over and brooding. He knew he should not expect a warm greeting, but that literal cold shoulder dampened his spirits. He had no right to speak to Gray after he was the one who broke things off.
"Natsu," Lisanna said softly. "You should at least say hello."
"There's no way he's forgiven me."
She wondered about what he meant. There were rumors that it had been Natsu who broke up with Gray, since he was the one who took off. This confirmed it.
"How has he been?" Natsu asked quietly, looking at Gray talking with Juvia.
Lisanna sighed. "Quiet. He's been gone most of the season, off on missions."
"Dating?" Natsu asked, although he doubted that he wanted the answer, either way.
"I've heard nothing about that, but I could ask Mira-nee."
"No." Natsu decided, if Gray was dating again, he did not want to know. If he was not seeing other people, that could mean that Gray was truly heartbroken, and Natsu did not want to find out about something like that, either. "I'll talk to him later." He turned back around and grinned at her. "I just wanna enjoy being back. Where's Elfman? I wanna fight him!"
The party continued, until finally it was nearing midnight. Then brawls stopped, uproarious chatter fell silent, and Makarov led them in a countdown.
"Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve…"
Natsu thought he had been standing next to Lisanna, but the crowd had shoved him away. He stumbled, and cold hands grabbed to steady him.
"Careful, idiot!"
Natsu looked up and saw Gray holding him from behind. "Gray," he whispered.
Stormy eyes gazed down, and yearning filled Gray's face.
"Eight, seven, six…"
"Natsu," he sighed.
He glanced to the bright lips, then up to Natsu's eyes. Natsu stared at Gray's lips, hungering for them, and his mouth loosened in desire. They began to lean in closer, magnetically drawn to one another.
"Two, one! Happy New Year!"
The two were already kissing, oblivious to the celebration, until someone bumped into them. This time, it was Gray who almost fell and Natsu who grabbed him. They laughed that now they both had to be held up. Then their eyes lingered. Gray's hand rubbed up Natsu's arm slowly, feeling the warmth once again. His heart was racing, and he felt dizzy with happiness.
"Can we … just kiss?" he asked hesitantly.
Natsu still stared up at him in a daze. "Y-Yeah," he finally stuttered.
Gray glanced around. Everyone was cheering and drinking. No one would see. He grabbed Natsu's hand and pulled him aside. They slipped away to a broom closet, closed the door, and immediately collided together.
Yes! These were the kisses Gray had missed. This wildness was what he craved.
They grabbed each other in desperation, and tongues dueled in a passionate battle. Natsu's fingers clawed into his skin, and Gray grabbed him back with fingers that dug into his flesh. Gray pulled him closer and pressed Natsu up against the wall.
A low growl escaped the Dragon Slayer's throat, and his nails bared, scratching deeply into Gray's back. Gray flinched at the pain. His tongue twirled around Natsu's, and yet this was still not enough. He moved a step closer, pressing their bodies together tighter, and gave a slow, needy thrust against him.
"W-Whoa! Wait," Natsu cried out, shoving him back. "You said kissing."
"We are kissing," he pointed out.
"Then don't do anything else."
"What…?" Did he mean that press against him? It had hardly been anything at all, not like he was dry-humping through their clothes. "You were scratching me. I thought that meant you wanted a little more."
"No! That's just instinct, not an invitation." Natsu wiped his mouth and looked aside. "Maybe it's still a bad idea."
"No, wait!" Gray cried out in desperation. "We can just kiss. That's fine. That's totally fine."
Natsu looked up with a disbelieving pout. "I don't think either one of us can just kiss. Not when it comes to us." He looked aside and blushed. "Not when it's you I'm kissing."
Gray felt both hope by that whispered confession, and a massive crash of his hormones as he realized Natsu was ending this already. He had hoped they could get together, make out, maybe quickly suck each other off, then head to his house for more, a steamy reunion, making love all night long.
With disappointment in himself, he realized he had instantly made the leap from kissing to something sexual. Nothing had changed. He had not gotten better. He was still just as addicted to sex as before. Especially since it had been two months, he felt desperate to bury himself inside Natsu. He knew that if they left the guild together, he would push Natsu way beyond what he was ready for.
"Are you seeing someone?" he blurted out impulsively.
Natsu jolted with massive eyes. "I … n-no. You?"
Gray shrugged and shook his head. "I tried," he admitted. "It went nowhere."
"You tried?" Natsu asked faintly, and jealousy tinted his green eyes.
That one time hardly even counted since it made him sick. "Have you … experimented?"
"No," Natsu said softly. "I'm not ready. The nightmares haven't stopped."
Gray sighed and caressed Natsu's head out of instinctual protectiveness. "Maybe you need some professional help. You said you saw psychiatrists when you were younger. Maybe try that again. It helped before."
Natsu smiled at the caring suggestion. "Yeah, maybe I should. I'll ask Makarov for the name of the one I saw back then. He helped a lot." He pouted and pulled away. "I wanted to get over it with my own strength."
"We all need to rely on someone once in a while." With a slight shrug, Gray admitted, "I'm seeing a therapist for my own issues."
Natsu looked up at him in shock. "You are?" he cried out.
Gray gave another awkward shrug. It was surprisingly hard to admit he needed help. "After what happened, I knew I needed to get over this. I've never talked to a professional before. I figured it couldn't hurt." He wanted to improve so that when Natsu was ready, he would not screw things up again.
"And it's helping?"
Gray wanted to say it was, but as he looked at Natsu and thought about confessing his love, his throat choked up. "I'm … getting better. We're working through things slowly. It takes time."
"Yeah," Natsu whispered sadly. "I need time to get over my issues. I need some way … some one … someone I can trust who won't want … certain things."
Gray dropped his head to the side. Certain things, like sex. Considering how he had been thinking just a minute ago, Gray was obviously not what Natsu needed.
"But it's really intimidating, y'know. So I … I was thinking about asking out Lisanna. I know she likes me, and I had a huge crush on her when we were kids, and she's sweet so I think things would be good between us." He looked up at Gray with cautious eyes. "Is that okay?"
Lisanna made sense, and although the thought pained him, Gray nodded. "I hope it helps."
"Me too."
Gray opened the closet door and began to leave. He paused and looked back inside. Painfully, a smile struggled up. "It's good to have you back."
Natsu looked up in surprise, and then he dunked his head down bashfully. "Y-Yeah. Good to be home." Gray began to leave, and suddenly Natsu called out, "Wait!"
Gray looked around, hope surging through him, but he saw the Dragon Slayer holding out a discarded shirt.
"You'll want that. And make sure you keep it on. I, um, really scratched you up. Sorry."
Gray looked down at the shirt, and again he felt hopes sinking. He mumbled a thanks and dressed as he walked away.
Natsu watched silently as Gray left. Then he collapsed back against the metal closet shelves. A hand covered his mouth, holding back sobs, but his chest still shook. He wanted to be better. He wanted to be with Gray so much, but the horrifying flash that struck him during that kiss made him realize he was not better.
"Dammit," he whispered in anguish. "Don't give up on me, Gray. Please! Don't hate me. I need to get over this, so please … don't hate me."
Gray stepped back into the main room and looked around at the craziness. Midnight did not end the party. If anything, it gave everyone a reason to truly go all out, since they were not waiting for the countdown anymore. They drank heavily, wrestled harder, and already Jet and Droy had knocked each other out cold in a fight.
That was just how Fairy Tail wizards were: wild and impulsive. He and Natsu simply acted that way when together as well.
He went up to Warren, talking about some new communication device the wizard was working on. It took a long time, but finally Gray saw Natsu walk by, heading over to Lisanna without even looking his way. He ignore it, trying to focus on Warren, but then he heard a squealing shout. Everyone looked over, so Gray forced himself to watch also as Lisanna leaped into Natsu's arms in happiness.
It hurt to see that, but if she could help Natsu, if she could help him find happiness and heal his soul … she just might be able to do what Gray could not.
Gray felt like getting drunk again, but before he could make his way to the bar for something potent, Juvia got in his path, standing with a pleasant smile.
"That's good news about Lisanna and Natsu, right?" she asked cheerfully, yet her face showed pity.
Gray glanced briefly back, enough to see Natsu with an arm around Lisanna and Mira leaning in, apparently scolding him not to break her heart, while Elfman sobbed grossly that his little sister was growing into a woman.
"Gray-sama?" she asked softly, her voice filled with concern.
He turned away from the joyous scene. "Yeah, it's great that he can move on. He deserves happiness."
"So does Gray-sama," she said worriedly.
"I'll find my own happiness." He was ready to turn and just leave the party.
"Gray-sama," she called out in a rush. "Juvia…"
He looked around in dread. Oh God, she wasn't going to ask him out, was she?
She nervously pressed her fingers together. "Juvia was saving the New Year's first kiss for Gray-sama."
Maybe it was apathy. Maybe it was a desire to stir up jealousy. Maybe he just needed the human connection after Natsu had pushed him away. Whatever the reason, Gray stepped forward, tipped Juvia's chin up, and gave her a light kiss.
"Happy New Year," he said with a gentle smile.
Her cheeks went scarlet and steam puffed around her.
Off to the side, Natsu saw the kiss. It hurt to see Gray's lips on someone else.
He wanted to be with Gray.
And he was terrified of what he might do.
At least with Lisanna, she would be more than happy just dating, simple dinners and romantic walks. It was what he needed right now. Mentally, emotionally, she was what he needed.
As he kept his arm around her and pretended not to notice Gray leaving the party, that was what he told himself. This was what he needed.
Even if it was not what he wanted.
It was late at night when Gray left the guild. Most of the people had gone home or passed out, but there were still plenty of revelers. Outside, his breath smoked, and he looked up at the winter sky. A new year! What was going to happen now?
He tugged up the collar of his coat and plodded through the snow. His boots scuffed over crackles of ice and slush, yet he felt no chill. He heard the music and cheers of small parties scattered throughout Magnolia, everyone spending a little longer past midnight to drink in the new year with their friends. He was the only person walking outside.
No, not the only one.
A woman in fishnet stockings and wearing a thick fur coat walked boldly right up to him.
"Hey, cutey," she greeted in a sensual voice. Lonely on the New Year?"
Gray now knew this was pure selfishness. Maybe spite as well. In any case, he felt no happiness as he tapped the woman on the hand, signaling for her to lead the way.
End of Chapter 51
- 50
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- 52
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Fight Me, Bite Me