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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

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"In these dangerous times, where it seems that the world is ripping apart at the seams, we all can learn how to survive from those who stare death squarely in the face every day…"
― Jonathan Larson
Chapter 55
Just Survive
Gray had just left the hospital's chapel after a long prayer when he saw a gurney going by, and although most of the face was covered with an oxygen mask, he caught sight of spiky, pink hair.
"Natsu!" He jogged after it.
One of the orderlies held him back. "I'm sorry, sir. He's still unconscious and probably will be for a while."
"What? For a while? Why?"
Wendy came up after the doctors, looking exhausted with Carla holding her up. "He has to be on oxygen, and even a tiny flame could ignite the place, plus any rise in body temperature could destroy the hemodialysis machine, and any strain at all to his heart could make it stop again. To keep him safe, I enchanted Natsu with a sleeping spell. He's not in a coma, but a very, very deep sleep." She stumbled, and Carla grabbed her, flying to hold her up.
"You really need to rest," the white Exceed warned her. "You did all you can for now."
"I'm sorry, Gray," Wendy muttered. "I'm so sorry."
He patted her head. "I'm sure you did a lot just to keep him alive. Lucy rented a room somewhere in town. Go get some sleep."
Carla guided Wendy out of the hospital, and Gray turned back to the gurney wheeling away. He followed at a distance and saw which room Natsu was put into. After things cleared out, he walked up to the door and knocked. Of course, no one answered. He stepped in, and the scene was terribly familiar. Natsu laid on a metal frame bed with a white sheet covering him from the waist down. His face had gone ashen from blood loss. All around the bed were monitors for his heart, blood pressure, oxygen, and one device not familiar to Gray. Looking at the label, he saw it was the hemodialysis machine purifying Natsu's blood since his kidneys had failed.
No, not failed. They were completely obliterated!
Natsu's stomach was wrapped thickly, and Gray recognized exactly the same types of bandaging he had when his guts had been blasted and had to be rearranged, sewn back together, pieced in a way so he could eat. However, there was also a bandage on his chest. Natsu had not been hurt there, so it took a while for Gray to understand why it was bandaged.
It was the pacemaker now in Natsu's heart, in case it stopped suddenly. It would zap his heart to force it to keep beating.
His heart! The face Natsu made before collapsing flashed violently through Gray's mind. Natsu had looked weary but happy at their victory, yet only seconds later he had an expression of pain, shock, horror, and sadness. As he grabbed his chest, his eyes had met Gray's, and they were filled with intense regret.
Gray realized now, Natsu must have known what was happening in those few seconds before his heart stopped. He knew, and he realized Gray would have to see it. He would have to be told. He would finally know the truth, and Natsu regretted that his secret could no longer be a secret.
"You idiot. You goddamn fucking idiot!" Gray collapsed to the side of the hospital bed and buried his face down into the mattress to silence his anger before the nurses found him and kicked him out. He punched the metal bed frame and sobbed into Natsu's blanketed legs. "Why did you do it? Did you think I'd want this?" he snarled through thick tears. "Did you think I would ever want you to risk your life for me?"
As he cried, he realized that Natsu knew precisely how Gray would feel about such actions, and it was why he hid the truth all these months.
"It was just a leg, Natsu. Just a leg! I could have replaced the leg. I was planning to, had the prosthetic picked out and everything. I can replace a limb. I … I can't replace you." He clutched Natsu's cold body. "Shit, I could never replace you."
Then he remembered a moment together just yesterday while they were in bed.
"This heart is mine now. You gave it to me, and I give my heart to you. Don't let this heart fail."
"Gray, back then…"
"Shhh. Talk later."
"But—"
"Later. I want you … now."
"'Don't let this heart fail.' Shit, I had no idea." Gray brushed some of the pink hair back with trembling lips. "You tried to tell me. Right in that moment, you were going to. You must have felt horrible, hiding that sort of secret. Especially after what I said about your heart. Dammit," he seethed with a sobbing hiccup. "Why would you do that? Why would you go that far?"
"I will do anything—anything—to help you … I'll give anything to have you back in Fairy Tail. And I mean anything."
Gray cringed as he realized, when Natsu said that, he truly had been willing to go to dire lengths.
And he did! He was willing to give up his life force just so Gray could walk. He jumped in front of those blasts to protect Gray, and then he got back up, willingly pushing himself beyond his limits, to fight side-by-side with Gray in order to make sure he would be safe.
Gray looked at the sleeping face covered by an oxygen mask. Seeing Natsu like this tortured him. How much worse had it been for Natsu, dealing with Gray teetered on the edge of life and death for so many months, his body in tatters, knowing that during that fateful fight, he could not get to Gray in time?
"You felt guilty, didn't you?" he whispered to the sleeping Dragon Slayer. "You blamed yourself for not being fast enough. I know you did. Is that why, Natsu? Did you go that far for me because you felt guilty that I got hurt in the first place?" He stroked back the pink hair. "Did you feel as miserable as I do now? Dammit, if I could heal you, I'd go that far in a heartbeat!"
Despite Erza's warnings, he still wished they could steal that healing machine back from the Magic Council. He would power it himself. He would heal Natsu's kidneys, his heart, everything! It was tempting to run off, break into the vaults of forbidden magical devices, and steal it. Even if he became a criminal, at least Natsu would be alive.
Yet Erza was right. Right now, Natsu needed to live on in happiness. Knowing Gray became a fugitive of the Magic Council just to heal him would make Natsu feel miserable with guilt.
At least for now, he needed to stay here and show Natsu that he was loved.
Gray lifted his head to the heavens and prayed, "What can I do?"
For now, all he could do was hold Natsu's hand and hope he pulled through.
"Just survive, Natsu." He broke down into tears repeating that. "Just survive! Just survive."
Gray stayed by Natsu's side all through the night, holding his hand while Natsu was unconscious. He fell asleep with his head on the hospital bed, and when he woke up, some nurse had placed a blanket over his shoulders. Erza and Wendy came by in the morning. Wendy healed Natsu's heart a little more, although she could not work extensively on it, since it was such a delicate area to heal.
"What about his kidneys?" asked Gray.
Wendy looked up to him with regretful eyes. "I can't."
"It's like your leg," said Erza. "Wendy can't heal what's not even there. She can't regrow nerves or limbs or organs. She can only help the body to heal itself."
"I see," he muttered.
Wendy bit her lip and pressed her fingers together as she warily said, "I might be able to heal his heart with enough time, and if he rests it more. I've been reading books on cardiology. I think I understand what is wrong now, so I'm going to focus on that. It'll take a few months—"
"You can heal his heart?" Gray shouted in excitement.
"Maybe?" she said sheepishly. "I'll do my best."
Gray grabbed her so suddenly, she squawked, and he hugged her as he spun around. "You're the greatest, Wendy!"
Her eyes went dizzy. "N-no … Gray … sick…"
"Oh! Sorry." He set her down, but Wendy's motion sickness had already hit her in full force.
"Che! Idiot," said Carla. She transformed into her human shape and held Wendy by the shoulders. "Let's get you to the cafeteria for something to drink before you vomit."
"S-sorry," Wendy mumbled, looking green in the face as she left.
Gray instead turned to Erza, still full of enthusiasm. "Did you hear that? Wendy can heal his heart."
"She's been working hard on this. See, with time, something will happen."
"Maybe with time, she'll be able to heal his kidneys."
Erza flinched and looked aside. "Y-yes … maybe." She sighed and let her gaze fall upon Natsu's sleeping face. "We have to keep hope. No matter how things must be in the present, hope lies in the future. How are your wounds, by the way?"
"Healed. The shoulder wasn't too bad to begin with. I planned to ask about donating blood, but it's a small hospital. The person who does that comes in after lunch."
"I see. Hopefully, Lucy finds out about transferring him to Magnolia, although I was talking to the head doctor and he recommended a hospital in Crocus, at least for the next part of the procedure."
"Next part?" asked Gray.
"It took us two weeks of surgeries before you were well enough to regain consciousness. Natsu will need a rather serious operation for the issue with his kidneys before Wendy can undo the sleeping spell. There's a nephrologist in Crocus who is the best in the kingdom."
"A kidney doctor? I see. I guess that makes sense. I should make sure to donate a lot of blood in preparation. What are they planning to do…?"
His question trailed off as a nurse entered with a light knock. "I'm sorry, the little girl with purple hair is one of yours, right? She began to vomit down the hall."
"Oh geez! Gray, I'll be back. I'm going to take Wendy to the hotel."
"I'll be here," he said in a cheerful voice. After they were gone he looked down to Natsu. "Did you hear that, sleeping beauty? Wendy can heal your heart. Sheesh, that was still a really stupid thing to do."
Over the next few hours, Gray talked to Natsu, although Wendy had said her spell was a deep sleep, not a coma, so Natsu could not hear him. Still, Gray needed to talk. He apologized for everything, for not realizing Natsu sacrificed so much, for running away from Natsu's feelings, for dating Juvia just to escape his own emotions, and for not being strong enough.
He realized, this must have been how it was like for Natsu when it was himself in the hospital, hooked to machines just to survive. However, back then, they were not yet in love. He easily saw how this sort of pain and fear had cultivated those initial feelings of love in Natsu. Any uncertainty Gray had about their relationship vanished with this tragedy.
"I'm gonna take you on the best date ever when you wake up," he told Natsu's sleeping body. "We'll go up into the mountains somewhere, go hunting, catch something really delicious, and then you can roast it over your fire. You'd like that. Then maybe a cabin in the woods, a nice fireplace, maybe … m-maybe we can … you know…"
He blushed. Was it really just two days ago that they made love for the first time? They had such a slow courtship, with Gray hesitating every step of the way. It took them this long just to feel comfortable with their bodies.
"I love you, Natsu," he whispered. Tears again came to his already weary eyes, and he buried them into Natsu's bedsheets. "Shit, I love you so much, it hurts. Dammit!"
He remembered the magical terror of that cave, his worst fear: being left alone, being abandoned.
Now, that fear was a possibility.
"You better not die, you bastard," he gnashed. "Don't you dare! If you abandon me, I will beat your soul into hell."
Although he said that jokingly, the pain was still sharp. He still had two memories in his head: in one, Natsu saved him on that dreadful fight; in the other, Natsu abandoned him to die. He knew which one was the correct memory, but that did not make the other memory any less terrifying.
"We need to keep fighting together. We need to keep going on adventures, doing reckless, stupid things." He held Natsu's hand and felt the unnatural chill of his ailing body. "You gotta pull through, and I know you can. I need you with me, Natsu. I wouldn't want to keep doing this without you. I want you there with me, all the time." He looked down at the hand and traced over each bruised knuckle. "I want you with me … forever."
He realized what he had just said, and a chill shivered over him. Stunned by the confession, Gray looked up into Natsu's face with his mouth dropped.
"Oh shit," he whispered, feeling his turbulent emotions suddenly solidifying under one certainty. "Natsu … I think … I want to…"
"It's a shame about that wizard."
Gray yanked his hand back and sat up stiffly. Two nurses were walking by in the hallway carrying coffees. Were they talking about Natsu, or Wendy?
"The one they brought in yesterday? I wasn't there."
Definitely, they meant Natsu. Gray leaned his head over to hear better.
"Yeah, he was totally frozen. It's the only thing that kept him alive, to be honest, but those wounds! He'll be on machines for the rest of his life."
"What?" Gray whispered. They were wrong … right? Natsu just needed a surgery.
"I saw that guy myself some time back, fighting in the Grand Magic Games. He was crazy strong, although he didn't fight in the finale. It's a shame a wizard that powerful and famous will never fight again."
Gray stood up so fast, his chair toppled backward. He stormed out of the hospital room and after the two nurses, shouting at them, "What do you mean?"
They looked back, startled that someone had overheard them. "Well, he has no kidneys. There's a specialist in Crocus who can implant a hemodialysis machine inside him, but a device like that means his body temperature can never rise too high. He's a fire user. He'd have to completely suppress his magic."
"Suppress his … wait, what?" he yelled. "No magic? Like, just for a while?"
The two nurses glanced at each other, they at him with looks of pity. "Without kidneys, the machine will need to be in there for the rest of his life."
"Rest of his … n-no. No!"
Not even magic? Gray had faced the possibility of life in a wheelchair, but at least he knew he could still use magic. Not even being able to use magic, the magic he inherited from Igneel, to never be able to fight ever again…
"That's not going to happen."
Natsu gave up so much to save him. He donated blood, sat by his side, did everything he could to cheer Gray up, even almost sacrificed his life for Gray's sake. He had been ready to banish his own emotions when he thought it was something Gray did not like. He held back all through their relationship until Gray was ready for more. He had always put Gray first. In his final act of bravery, he got back up despite receiving fatal wounds to deliver the final blow to the enemy.
He owed Natsu so much. More than just his life. He owed absolutely everything to him.
Gray's fist tightened, and a slight chill spread through the hospital hallway, enough to cool off the nurses' coffees. He looked up firmly at the two women. "We have the same blood type." He gulped hard, but his will was set. "I think I know how I can help him."
The nurses looked at each other in astonishment. "Sir, that's … too much. We weren't even going to ask."
"You don't need to. Of course I'd do it. It'd save him, right?"
"He'll survive just fine with the implant."
"You don't know him!" A frosty cloud of rage swirled around Gray. "Surviving and living are two different things. You can be alive and yet feel like your life is over." Gray slammed his eyes shut as tears spilled over. "I know how that feels, and it's shit. I won't let Natsu go through a life that isn't truly living. He gave me my life back. The least I can do is make sure he can live out his life normally. And that means with fire, with fighting, with eating too much meat and getting into trouble for burning down the Fairy Tail banners again, everything that makes him Natsu. He deserves the chance to live with happiness."
That was what Happy said the previous night. Natsu did all that because he wanted Gray to live on in happiness. The least he could do was repay the favor.
'It really is my turn to play the goddamn hero.'
Gray lifted his chin, and his eyes glared hard at the nurses. "I will do anything to bring him back to Fairy Tail. Just tell me what I need to do."
Next Chapter: "Our Bond Will Never Be Broken"
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Life After Near Death