Shattered Reality

Months had past but nothing seemed to go back to normal, or at least as normal as things could get at least when you work for the military. Fiona never did come back and everyone was really affected by her rather rash decision, especially Van.

“Where’s Van?” asked Thomas when he saw Irvine, “Crougar is looking for him,” said Thomas with a sigh. All Irvine merely did was point out a window. “Again?” asked Thomas realizing that Van was once again training like he has been doing almost non-stop since Fiona had left.

“Yep, he is at it once again. He has been training non-stop ever since she left. He was bad about it before but now he has become a maniac and only thinks about training. He has way too much free time,” said Irvine with a sad shake of his head as he watched the blade liger going through the exercises with ease.

“It doesn’t matter how much he does it, it won’t bring Fiona back,” said Thomas watching the scene outside with only mild interest because he had been watching it day after day for the last few months.

“I think that he knows that but it’s either that it takes his mind off things, or that he still keeps his hopes up that if he becomes better that it will bring Fiona back. She left because she was afraid of him dying according to the note. I guess he does this to improve himself enough to show Fiona that he would be fine,” said Irvine sitting back in his seat as he continued to watch the outside.

“He seems to have taken this much harder than any of us that Fiona left. It’s still no reason to put himself through all that he has been just for some hope that she would return,” said Thomas angrily as he watched the blade liger finally finish and come back to the base. He quickly ran to the hanger to talk to Van and just in time to see it come to a stop and Van jumped out of the blade liger.

Van hopped out of the blade liger with a monotonous look upon his face. He had been looking like that ever since she left. He had gone over the night so many times and he just couldn’t figure out why she would just leave after they did something like that.

Thomas walked up to him calmly and cleared his throat to get Van’s attention. “Van, Crougar wants to see you,” said Thomas once he walked up to Van and stood directly in front of him.

Van looked at Thomas with little interest shown on his face. “What does he want?” asked Van turning his head back to the blade liger where he was attempting to fix something that he saw wrong in the tests a few minutes ago.

“I don’t know. He just wanted me to get you so that he could talk to you,” said Thomas a little aggravated by Van’s no nonsense attitude that he had lately. He was nothing like that Van that they had first known. He was a man that was devoid of a lot of emotions unlike the emotional Van they met a while ago.

“Fine,” said Van as he started to walk towards Crougar’s office. He didn’t even bother to say anything to Thomas after that and just walked ignoring everyone that was trying to get his attention. He just didn’t feel like putting up with anyone nowadays. He just didn’t care.

“Van wait up!” yelled Thomas as he started to run after him. When he caught up to Van, he grabbed him by the shoulder to stop him since it was clear that he wasn’t going to stop if Thomas didn’t do anything.

“I really don’t have time to be talking like this Thomas. There are a lot of things that I’ve to do,” said Van without listening to Thomas’s response. He just shrugged off Thomas’s hand and walked away without even trying to listen to Thomas. He came up to Crougar’s office and walked in silently.

“Well that was rude,” said Thomas as he watched Van walk into Crougar’s office. He wanted to talk to Van and try to knock some sense into him. ‘I guess that I will just have to wait until he comes out of Crougar’s office and then force him to listen to me,’ Thomas thought as he leaned against a wall.

It was a number of minutes later that Van came walking out of the office. Almost immediately after he left Crougar’s office Van found Thomas waiting for him. “What?” asked Van growing annoyed that Thomas wasn’t leaving him alone like he wanted to be.

“I need to talk to you,” said Thomas in a serious tone. He noticed Van was trying to walk away so he grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “Damn it Van! Listen to Me!” Thomas yelled turning Van around to face him..

“What the Hell do you want? I’ve to get back to training so will you please just leave me alone?” said Van becoming more and more angered at Thomas’s persistence. ‘What is so hard about wanting to get back to work?” Van asked himself with a growl of frustration.

“Van you need to listen to us! Fiona is gone and is not going to come back. You have to get that in your head and just get over it!” Thomas yelled since Van was still trying to get away. He noticed that Van stopped and knew that he finally had a chance to talk.

“I know that Fiona will eventually come back. She just has to,” said Van growing angered by all that Thomas was saying. He was also growing upset because the pain that he felt that morning was still present within his heart. Fiona was becoming someone that he both loved and hated.

“Van listen! She left because of you. So what makes you think that she will come back to you? It’s about time that you accepted that she left and just get over it!” he continued to yell at the stubborn Van.

With what Thomas said, Van lost his temper. The next thing that Thomas knew Van had punched him hard in the face. He went flying to the ground where he shook his head and wiped his mouth where he noticed that blood was coming down from. He wiped that away and spit the blood in his mouth out.

Irvine who had been nearby happened to see this and immediate rushed over and stopped Van before he could do anything else. “Van stop!” Irvine yelled as he struggled to hold Van back from Thomas.

It took a few moments but Van finally managed to stop attacking Thomas but it was clear that he was still frustrated and angry at him. Irvine knew that he had to do something or Van might go overboard at some point. “Come on Van,” said Irvine dragging Van away.

“Where are you taking me Irvine?” asked Van trying to get Irvine to let so he could get back to training. It was all that he wanted to do. At first it was mainly because he hoped that if he got better that maybe Fiona would come back, but now he was just used to doing that.

“You need to get things off of your mind Van. So I’m going to take you into town to get a drink. You’re also not going to get out of this either,” said Irvine still dragging the reluctant Van out of base and driving into the nearest town.

*****

“Have you found her yet?” asked Zack as Ryan entered the room. He was getting more and more aggravated at his lackeys failed attempts to find the one that they had failed to locate. They knew that she was no longer under Van’s protection but they didn’t know what happened to her.

“No sir. We have been searching everywhere, but we have yet to find her. This should have been a blessing since we learned that she disappeared from even the guardian force but we just can’t seem to find her,” said Ryan with a stern face as he spoke with the man that he called his leader.

“You should have found her by now. She has no protection so find her and bring her here so that we can move on with the search for the others,” said Zack growing more impatient with his lack of help.

“Yes we should have but all the help that you gave me just doesn’t seem to be enough. The ancient zoidian just seemed to have disappeared,” said Ryan also growing frustrated at their lack of success in finding Fiona. They had plans and she was crucial to those plans so they needed her.

“She didn’t just disappear you nimrod. She is somewhere and you had best find out where that is. Take as many men as you need but you must find her!” Zack yelled slamming his fist down upon the desk that was in front of him.

“Yes sir we will double our efforts,” said Ryan almost as if he wasn’t fazed by his leader’s apparent anger. “I will take twice as many men and we will continue our search for them immediately,” he said bowing towards his leader before he left the room without another word.

“Then you had best find the girl. it’s far more important than even you realize,” said Zack with an evil grin and then a small chuckle before he fell silent and thought about some of the others plans that they had to accomplish before they could finally get started on his ultimate plan.

*****

Van and Irvine arrived in town as the sun set and they headed into a nearby bar. It was a small yet quaint looking bar. The people were friendly looking except those that just looked drunk. They seemed to unnerve a few people but otherwise, they were just ignored.

“Hey there Irvine. Same as usual?” asked the bartender with a smile when he looked up to see Van and Irvine standing there in the doorway. He cleared off a space on the counter and the two of them took a seat in those spots.

“Sure thing and get one for my friend here,” said Irvine pointing towards Van. “he is going through a rather rough time and I was hoping that I could help him get his mind off of it for one night. Maybe it will also knock himself back to his ordinary self,” Irvine said with a smirk.

“Sure thing. I know just the thing for him. I will be back in a second,” the bartender said as he grabbed two glasses and filled the up with a drink. He returned a few moments later and placed the drinks down upon the counter. “Here you go, just call me if you want anymore,” he said before walking off to help another customer.

“Come on Van sit down and take a load off. Tonight I will help you forget about all of your problems. It’s time for that. It has been far too long since you have done anything remotely like what you used to do,” said Irvine pushing the drink closer to Van since he just seemed to be staring off into space. There was a blank look in his eyes. He truly was nothing but a shell of what it was that he used to be.

Van just looked at the drink for a few moments before he pushed it away. “I don’t want any,” he mumbled placing his head down on the counter. “The person I used to be was someone with nothing but foolish dreams. Fiona showed me that,” Van said as flashes of that night with Fiona came back to his mind.

Irvine just let off a sigh because he knew that things weren’t going to be easy in getting Van back to what he used to be. “Now don’t talk like that Van. Didn’t your dreams get you rather far when you first started off as a zoid pilot. I thought of you like a joke back then but look where your dreams have gotten you. You’re one of the best zoid pilots around, except maybe for me,” he said elbowing Van in the side but all that he received out of it was a grunt from Van.

“Well drink up Van,” said Irvine taking a long drink out of his. He just stared at it sadly like he stared at everything ever since Fiona left. He just couldn’t seem to find any happiness since the one who always gave him the most happiness was gone from his life and clearly not coming back.

After staring at it for a while Van took a sip of his. He just remained silent. He was kind of surprised, since he first thought that what Irvine had gotten him was some type of alcohol. He knew that a lot of people tended to drink so that they could forget and he knew that that was what Irvine had in mind for him. It turned out to be a very good non-alcoholic drink.

“There you go. That wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be, now is it?” Irvine asked leaning back in his seat as he took a long sip of his own drink with a smirk on his face. “Good, isn’t it?” Irvine asked turning his attention away from the drink and towards Van who was still sitting the same way he has been since they got there.

Van took a hold of the straw that was sticking out of the drink and just used it to swirl the drink around. He really wished that he could enjoy himself but he just couldn’t seem to enjoy the night. “Irvine? Is it wrong to keep wishing that she will come back?” Van said in a dejected tone.

Irvine looked up at Van in slight surprise but gave him a sympathetic look. “It doesn’t have to be, but I think that you’re just letting it get a little out of control. You just aren’t what you used to be,” Irvine said as his grin turned into a neutral expression. “Why is it that you’re taking this worse than any of us Van? I know that you loved her but we all loved her as well,” he said with a frown.

Van didn’t answer Irvine at all. His face contorted as if it was in pain even if he wasn’t. He just couldn’t get the pictures of that night with Fiona out of his head. He thought that they could have something special after that but she had proven him seriously wrong the next morning with her disappearance.

Irvine looked at his friend with sympathy. He may not know what actually went on between him and Fiona but he was determined to get Van to loosen up for at least one night. “Come on Van loosen up and have some fun,” said Irvine. “What we need to do is get your mind off Fiona for now,” said Irvine putting on a smile but it just disappeared when he saw the frown on Van’s face.

“I am not just going to forget about Fiona, Irvine. I just can’t no matter how hard I try,” said Van looking like he was on the verge of tears. He just couldn’t help it. He was in love with a woman who clearly didn’t love him back. She made the perfectly clear since she didn’t stick around.

“Just for tonight, try to have a little fun. That’s all that I ask of you Van,” said Irvine as he got out of his seat and walked to another side of the bar where he sat with some men who were playing cards.

Van sat alone for a long time after Irvine went to another area. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried he could not get Fiona out of his head. ‘Irvine and Thomas are right. Fiona is gone but I just can’t seem to deal with it,’ thought Van. He just gave up trying not to think and stood up before walking out the door feeling like he needed some fresh air.

Van just walked around as the light of the two moons shone down upon the empty street. He could relate to that because his heart was as empty as the streets currently were. Not a single sole in sight, dark without any light. He hated it so much, how he had to feel such emotions since they only brought him pain.

Van walked for a few minutes just enjoying the slight breeze in the warm night. He ducked for a second into an alley and leaned against a wall and looked upwards towards the sky where the stars shown brightly down.

The stars were like his hope of ever seeing Fiona again. They were a very small light that shown amongst a much larger darkness that consumed all area’s around him. He wanted her to come back but didn’t known what he would do if she did.

He could suddenly hear some voices walking down the empty streets. They obviously didn’t know that he was there because they were talking about things that most wouldn’t talk about with other people around. Like illegal things that they did. Van didn’t know why but he just decided to listen in.

“So what exactly are we doing here again Brian? We have been here for a number of days and yet neither Derek nor I know what the hell we’re doing,” a short man said to a man that was a good foot taller than him.

“If you were listening then you would know what we’re doing here. The boss wants us to find some zoidian chick that was said to be stationed at some military base nearby. No sign of her has been made in several months and we’re to see if she is still there,” the taller man said in annoyance.

That immediately caught Van’s attention. ‘These guys are after Fiona. At least I known that they don’t have her,’ he thought in relief. He may hate her for leaving him but he would never wish that she would be captured by them. He thought that maybe if he was to capture one of them that he would be able to pump them for info.

Van snuck out of the shadows of the alley and walked behind the three men before coming to a stop with a look of fury on his face. He blamed these people for ruining his life. Things were going great until they suddenly showed up with their mission of getting Fiona.

“Hold it right there!” Van yelled making the three men stop in their tracks. They seemed to stiffen up a bit before they turned around and faced Van with a bit of dread in their eyes. It was very clear that they knew who it was that they were up against.

The fear that was showing within their eyes quickly disappeared only to be replaced by a smirk on each of their faces. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the GF. Or more precisely the infamous Van Flyheight,” the medium sized man said in a taunting tone of voice as he eyed Van carefully.

“I am sure that the boss will pay big money if we’re to do away with you since you seem to have a knack for getting in the way,” the small man said as the three of them broke up and walked to each side of Van, each eyeing his every movement.

Van didn’t even bother to move as the three of them surrounded him. He was just waiting for a fight right now. Some way to let off all of the stress that he had been feeling the past few months.

“Why don’t you just save us all a lot of trouble and tell us where the zoidian broad is,” the tallest man said with a wide smirk. He was close enough to Van at that moment for Van to smell some alcohol on his breath. “Or… we could just do it the hard way and beat the information out of you,” he said with a sneer on his face.

“Go ahead, I could use a good fight,” Van said feeling his blood boil at the sight of these men who seem to actually enjoy ruining people’s lives. Van didn’t do anything before a fist connected with his face and he was sent flying backwards.

Van landed with a thud but it was like he didn’t even feel a thing. The three men approached again with a lot of confidence. “You really aren’t as tough as I heard you were. Now tell us where the damn zoidian is!” he yelled but saw a defiant look in Van’s eyes. “Or maybe it’s possible that you don’t even know,” he said. He had always been proud that he was capable of reading peoples expressions.

‘No!’ Van mentally yelled. He knew that probably the only thing that was keeping her from being caught was that no one knew that she was gone. Now they knew and they will be looking for again and wouldn’t stop at hurting anyone that gets in their way. He may hate her but he would never allow them to get their hands on her.

The biggest guy was too busy chuckling at his new found revelation that he didn’t notice that foot that seemed to come out of nowhere sending the man flying backwards into the building with a loud crack that followed. Van was pretty sure that it was probably his arm.

“You bastard!” the remaining two yelled as they charged at Van with a ferocity that they weren’t showing before. They attacked him with all their might landing hits on Van that he didn’t even seem to feel.

Van was only seeing red. He swung his fist with all of his strength and nailed a guy in the head sending him falling to the ground unconscious. He foot then came around quickly nailing the last guy in the stomach.

The guy stumbled backwards still conscious but panting for air. He looked at Van with hate in his eyes and was about to attack when something hit his head and he too fell to the ground unconscious.

Van managed to calm down enough to look up and see Irvine standing over the unconscious man. “Wow, you sure did a number on these guys. Sorry I didn’t give any help sooner but you looked like you needed to let off some of the anger that you have been holding in,” he said with a small chuckle.

Van just looked down before he walked off to find some place where he could be alone. He wanted some place where he could think over what he had just done. He had wanted the men dead and was willing to go to any length in the state he was in to see it happen.

“Fine then, I guess I will have to call and have them come and pick these guys up. Maybe we could use them for questioning so that we can take down the one in charge. Maybe that will bring Fiona and your happiness back,” Irvine said looking at Van with all the sympathy in the world.

Van just walked around in the night with no place he was aiming for. He was taking in deep breathes trying to calm himself down after what he had just done. It scared him that he could act that way.

Van walked for a while until he came to the middle of the town. It was quiet and there was a small park which he walked into. He saw a hill and walked to the top of it before he sat himself upon the ground and gazed up at the endless abyss of space above him.

It was a really warm night and Van closed his eyes so that he could relax and enjoy the feel of the wind that was blowing into his face. “This is relaxing, just like how I used to feel around Fiona,” Van said before he caught himself and shook his head to get the thought out of his head. “Snap out of it Van. She is gone and she is never coming back so get those ideas out of your head,” he said to himself silently.

Van just sat there with his eyes closed feeling the light wind against his face. He suddenly heard the light sound of footsteps coming up to him but he didn’t pay much attention to it because he didn’t feel all that threatened by it.

The sounds of the footsteps came to a stop right next to him but he still didn’t even open his eyes. “Excuse me is this seat taken?” asked the feminine voice of a woman that was standing next to Van pointing towards a spot next to him.

Van finally opened his eyes and turned around to see a girl that was around his age with long brown hair that reached down to mid-back even with the high ponytail that she had. Her eyes glimmered with her sparkling blue eyes and she seemed to be slightly shorter than Fiona’s height. To anyone else she could be a very attractive girl.

“Well?” asked the girl once again pointing at the spot that was next to Van with a smile on her face. She giggled a little when she saw the confused look on Van’s face. It was a pleasant sound to listen to but nothing like Fiona’s.

As if finally realizing what she was asking for, Van snapped out of his stupor and moved aside a little so that she could sit down. “Go ahead,” said Van and watched as she took the seat that he had opened up. Most would be thrilled to have a beautiful woman like her talking to them but Van just didn’t feel like that.

“Thank you. I always come here since I first moved here a few weeks ago. I find it a beautiful place to come to when I need to clear my mind,” the girl said as she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “By the way my name is Ashley,” said the girl named Ashley holding out her hand to shake Van’s.

Van just looked at it for a second and shook it. “My name is Van,” said Van trying to be nice. He had to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to besides his normal circle of friends since they always seemed to bring Fiona up in all of their conversations.

Her smiled seemed to brighten a little. “It is just like the hero Van Flyheight’s name. I’m sure that you get that a lot though,” said Ashley with a small chuckle. She noticed that Van just shrugged his shoulders at her little comment.

“That’s true but not completely,” said Van and saw her eyes him in curiosity trying to figure out what he meant by that. “I am Van Flyheight,” said Van in a quiet voice looking up at the sky once more. ‘People call me great but I’m not, I can’t even keep one girl,’ he thought sadly.

“Really, wow!” said Ashley in an excited voice. “Who would have thought that me of all people would end up meeting the famous zoid pilot who saved all of planet Zi?” she said with excitement clearly showing with her blue eyes.

“I’m not as great as everyone makes me out to be,” Van said sadly looking towards the ground. “People always make me out to be great but I really am not,” he continued still looking towards the ground with a lot of sadness in his eyes. He was talking to a beautiful woman but he just couldn’t stop thinking about Fiona. ‘Why can’t I get her out of my head?’ Van asked himself angrily.

“I am sure that you’re just being modest. No normal person would be able to do some of the things that you have done; like beating the deathsaurer twice. If I was in your spot then I would probably be bragging about that sort of accomplishment,” she said with another laugh. She looked at him and saw that he wasn’t laughing. You aren’t that much fun, do you know that?” she asked with a fake pout. She knew that there was something wrong with him though.

“I’m sorry. I’m just going through a very hard time lately,” Van said finally looking at her since he hadn’t really looked at her since she first sat down. “I am not normally like this but something happened a few months ago and I just haven’t been the same since,” Van said honestly. He didn’t know why he was talking to someone he hardly knew like this but it actually felt good to get some of these things off of his chest.

“What happened? Did a friend of yours die?” she asked but Van only shook his head no in response. “Did your girlfriend leave you?” she asked with a little humor but the shrug of Van’s shoulders shocked her a little. “How can you not know if your girlfriend left you?” she asked confused.

“To tell the truth, I really don’t know what it was that we had. I was kind of hoping that we would be able to have something but then she just ran off just when I was finally starting to understand my feelings for her. It’s like she ran off and took my heart with her,” Van said trying to ignore the pains in his heart that were coming back again.

“You love her?” she asked and received a confused shrug from Van. “That has got to be rather harsh. “Love can be painful I guess. I would never know because I’ve never fallen in love with anyone in my life. A few crushes here and there but nothing very serious. I somehow doubt that I ever will, but I guess sometimes that it will just come to you and you just won’t realize it until it’s too late,” she said now being the one looking up at the stars.

*****

‘Sometimes that it will just come to you and you just won’t realize it until it’s too late,’ those words seemed to ring within Van’s mind long after he had departed ways with Ashley. He had to admit that she was definitely an interesting person to be around. Not his type though.

Van continued walking deeper into the base until he came across Irvine who seemed to be standing impatiently for something. ‘Hey Irvine,” van said walking up to him. He saw Irvine turn his head and decided to continue. “Did you get to question any of those guys we captured yet?” Van asked quickly.

Irvine wasn’t sure but he could have sworn that there was something different about this Van compared to the pissed off one that he had seen every day for the past few months. “Got bad news Van,” Irvine said and he heard Van groan. “The escort that brought the guys here was attacked and destroyed. Neither the military officers that were escorting them or the prisoners themselves survived. Sorry man,” he said sadly.

Van let out a sigh. Before he walked away ‘At least the information that they got won’t get out to their leader,’ he thought walking towards his room. He walked into his room and laid down upon his bed and stared up at the ceiling.

He had this nagging feeling for the past few hours like something was happening that he should have been a part of. He felt that this thing is very important for him yet he could not figure out what it was.

*****

Fiona meanwhile was very tired after what had happened to her. She sat in a bed staring out of the window into the dark night. In her arms she was holding a baby that she had just given birth to. It was hers and Van’s baby. One conceived on that night of passion that they had.

All was quiet around her. She let a tear run down her face as she thought of something. ‘This is our child Van, but I guess you won’t be able to meet her. You probably hate me right now, but I’m sorry about all of this. I hope that if anything you have at least tried to move on with your life. It would be the best way for you to stay safe if you weren’t always trying to protect me when there are people that want me. Maybe someday you will meet our daughter. I don’t know though,’ thought Fiona as she stared out a window into the dark sky above her. This just caused yet another tear to fall.

Fiona held the baby slightly tighter to her but not enough to wake it from its peaceful sleep. She had been scared shitless when she had learned that she was pregnant with Van’s child. At one time she could only imagine this happening to the two of them. He wasn’t here for it though. A tear fell down her cheek. “I’m so sorry Van,” she said letting out the tears she had been trying to hold back for so long.