Crash

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Chapter 6


Yuki blinked. \"Oh.\" //Of course. I guess this means I\'ll be doing
this a lot.// \"All right.\" It was tough maneuvering with Shuuichi\'s
casts and the blanket he\'d wrapped around them, but he managed to tug
one of Shuuichi\'s arms over him, wrapping his own around the boy\'s
waist to half carry, half drag him into the bathroom. Without
showing his slight embarrassment he stood behind Shuuichi, allowing
the boy to lean against him as he did his business. //How long do
these casts have to stay on, again…?//

Shuuichi couldn\'t find a single thing to say—he was too embarrassed
at his weakness and Yuki\'s necessary actions. //This is so
horrible. I can\'t even go to the bathroom by myself? How am I
supposed to shower? How can I cook?// He finished as quickly as he
could, face burning as he zipped up his shorts. //I don\'t like
it.// \"I\'m sorry…Yuki…\" he murmured, barely glancing at the man from
the corner of his eye.

\"Don\'t worry about it. I said I\'d take care of you.\" It was a small
price to pay, he rationalized; there had always been the chance that
the accident could have been much worse…. He shook those thoughts
aside, reaching for Shuuichi\'s arm again so he could get him back to
the sofa.

As Yuki pulled his arm towards the other\'s shoulder, Shuuichi gasped
and flinched, trying to pull it back against his side. \"Ow—\" He
nearly lost his balance, though the arm around his waist just kept
him from lingling. //That…that hurt….// Cringing, Shuuichi hugged
his ribs, breathing shallowly.

Yuki paused, realizing a moment later. //Damn, forgot about his
ribs.// He frowned, just allowing Shuuichi to balance against him as
he tried to figure out the best way to go about this. He wouldn\'t be
able to carry the boy, casts and all, especially since he couldn\'t
bend his knees. With a quiet snort he at last settled with wrapping
his arms around Shuuichi\'s waist and dragging him out of the
bathroom. But instead of turning back toward the living room he took
him across the substantially shorter distance to his room. \"You\'re
taking the bed,\" he declared, helping Shuuichi into it. \"It\'ll be
easier this way.\"

Shuuichi blinked, watching as Yuki helped to swing his legs onto the
mattress. \"But…what about you?\" he asked, confused. //I thought
they said it would be better on the couch….// He shifted faintly, not
yet leaning back into the pillows. \"I\'ll get in your way with these,
won\'t I? I don\'t want to be trouble….\"

\"You won\'t be,\" Yuki assured, \"because I\'ll take the sofa.\" He
pushed Shuuichi back onto the pillows insistently. \"You\'ll be able
to sleep better in a proper bed, and it\'s closer to the bathroom.
And my office is in the next room—you can even tap on the wall if you
need something.\" He stood and headed for the door. \"I\'ll get your
things from the living room.\"

Shuuichi opened his mouth to protest, but Yuki was already out the
door, and he quickly gave up. //He\'s trying so hard to help me, and
I\'m just in the way. I…won\'t make more trouble for him.// Sinking
back, he sighed and rubbed at his ribs, trying to ease the ache
behind them.

Yuki brought Shuuichi\'s things in, making sure everything was in
order and finally retrieving the VCR from the living room to hook up
to the bedroom television. Satisfied that he\'d done everything he
could think of, Yuki took a deep breath and faced Shuuichi once
more. \"Are you hungry?\" he asked. He did feel a little better
himself, seeing Shuuichi arranged on a comfortable bed with all he
needed. \"It\'s a little after one.\" His stomach didn\'t feel quite
settled, so he didn\'t plan on having anything himself, but if he was
cooking at least he wouldn\'t be worrying.

The thought of real food helped to brighten his mood
immediately. \"Yes! I want something really good—oh, if it\'s, um….\"
He flushed, though he couldn\'t completely banish his excitement. \"If
it\'s not too much of a problem….\" Shuuichi turned wide, hopeful eyes
on the author, unconsciously licking his lips.

There was no resenting that face. \"I can\'t promise anything fancy,
but I\'ll see what we have,\" Yuki hesitated a moment, why he didn\'t
know, before at last turning to head for the kitchen. He actually
had a lot of food left over, considering he hadn\'t eaten for a
while. He decided at last on something simple and traditional; white
rice and miso soup, with a bag of chips that didn\'t seem to fit at
all but he was sure Shuuichi would like anyway. It didn\'t take long
to prepare, and then he was back in the roith ith a bowl in each hand
and the chips tucked under his arm. \"Hey.\"

Shuuichi eagerly fought to get himself upright at the other\'s
appearance, eyes lighting on the steaming bowls hungrily. \"Smells
good,\" he said, fingers itching to get a hold of the food. He began
to eat as soon as Yuki set the soup in his hands, gasping as the heat
nearly burnt his tongue but continuing anyway. \"Thank you, Yuki,\" he
managed between spoonfuls; he was just able to curb his attention
enough to cast his lover a grateful smile before returning to his
meal. \"Did you try it? It\'s really good.\"

\"No, I\'m not reallngryngry.\" It was the truth, but for Shuuichi\'s
sake he helped himself to a bite of his rice and a few chips. \"There—
it\'s been tested for poison.\" He sat on thee ofe of the bed to wait
for Shuuichi to finish. He snorted. \"At least you still have your
appetite,\" he remarked vaguely. \"That\'s a good sign.\"

Beaming, Shuuichi gulped down the last of the soup before trading it
for the rice. \"It\'s because I couldn\'t eat for a few days. The
doctor said they were giving me stuff through that needle, but that
doesn\'t compare to Yuki\'s cooking fixed just for me.\" Giggling
softly, Shuuichi hid his face behind the dishware, not wanting his
humor to be spoiled by the other rolling is eyes or something of that
sort.

Yuki did roll his eyes, but he wasn\'t as annoyed as he usually was.
He wasn\'t sure what to feel at this point. It…seemed like a lot had
happened, and he was still running to catch up with it all. He
wasn\'t tire thi this point, not really, maybe just a little dazed,
and anxious to do something before he fell into another unsatisfying
nap. \"Are you going to go back to sleep after this?\" he asked
abruptly.

He shrugged by way of answer, waiting to swallow the too-big mouthful
of food he\'d taken in. \"Dunno,\" he replied when he could speak
again. \"I\'m a little tired, but not really enough to sleep.\" //I
wonder…if he\'ll stay with me? We could watch a movie, or…or
something.// He didn\'t dare voice his wishes aloud, though. Maybe…
Yuki would offer something, like asking if he\'d wanted food.

Yuki glanced away; he was acting strange, and he didn\'t like it. But
that didn\'t stop him from quietly saying, \"I don\'t really feel like
working, if…you wanted to watch a movie or something.\"

Had he been able to, Shuuichi would have pounced on his lover in a
fit of sudden joy. Instead he just straightened, beaming in
excitement and nodding so hard it made his head spin. \"Sure! If you
want to—whatever you want.\" //He\'ll stay!// he cheered
silently. //Yuki\'s going to stay with me!// Wiggling to make a
little more room for Yuki—not that it was necessary, as the bed was
plenty big enough for both of them—he hurried to finish the rest of
his meal, nearly choking on too much rice.

Yuki tried not to notice how excited his companion was. //It\'s just
a damn movie.// He selected one of Shuuichi\'s movies while the other
finished; he didn\'t even really look at what it was, because he
didn\'t quite care. At least it would pass time enough for him to be
motivated to work. He popped it and returned to the bed, slipping
onto the mattress next to Shuuichi. //How…domestic. But I guess
it\'s not so bad for now.// He set Shuuichi\'s bowls aside as they
were finished and at last settled with the bag of chips between them.

Shuuichi munched happily as the movie began, though he kept shifting
in a way that brought him closer to the author. He barely even
noticed he was doing it until he had to pull the chips into his lap
to keep them from being crushed. The movie was one of his more
dramatic romances, and though at first he felt embarrassed that Yuki
would be seeing it, he quickly ignored the feeling as his head lolled
thoughtlessly onto the other\'s shoulder.

Yuki glanced at him only briefly, deciding to let Shuuichi do as he
pleased. //Damn accident\'s pulling all sorts of sympathy out of
me,// he thought, then frowned to himself. He shouldn\'t have been
thinking like that; he didn\'t really mean it. He sank a little lower
against the headboard, feeling suddenly more exhausted than he should
have been. It was then that he remembered having taken more than his
allotted prescription that morning. //No wonder I\'ve felt doped up
all day.// A little before half an hour into the movie he felt his
eyelids drooping, deciding it would be all right to doze a little
while Shuuichi enjoyed his movie.

Shuuichi eventually dropped the empty bag over the edge of the bed,
all too pleased that he was being allowed to stay so close. Feeling
all too warm and content, he nestled close to Yuki\'s side. //Maybe…
being hurt won\'t be so bad. If we can stay like this, everything
will be all right, won\'t it?// Smiling at the thought, Shuuichi
shifted and slid until his head rested easily in Yuki\'s
lap. //Everything will be okay.//

---

Yuki awoke with a start, his eyes flashing open so that whatever
dream image he\'d been having dissolved swiftly. For a moment he
stared blankly across the room, unable to remember where he was or
what he\'d been doing before falling asleep. But then he noticed the
warmth against his lap, and he reached down vaguely to sift his
fingers through thin, dyed hair. //That\'s right. We were…watching a
movie.// He sighed, relaxing once more. \"You awake?\" he asked
softly, clicking the television off now that the movie had ended.

\"Hmm…?\" Shuuichi shifted faintly, sighing as his shoulders
hunched. //Yuki?// He opened his eyes a moment, then closed them
again with a slight smile. \"It\'s over…. I musta fell asleep,\" he
mumbled. //I don\'t want to move.// His fingers curled around Yuki\'s
knee.

\"I guess I did, too.\" Yuki moved his fingers idly through Shuuichi\'s
hair, scratching the back of his neck. He didn\'t really feel like
moving just yet, so…he didn\'t. \"Need anything?\" he asked a little
distantly, more out of a suddenly acquired habit than really thinking
of it.

Shuuichi curled at the touch, thoroughly enjoying the attention. \"No…
I\'m fine….\" //He\'s being so nice….// He wanted to wiggle closer, but
there was no real space left between them, so he only sighed and
draped his arm over Yuki\'s thighs.

Yuki\'s eyes thinned, but he didn\'t protest the closeness. //I guess…
if it\'ll help him get better, I don\'t mind.// He shifted until he
wasfortfortable, deciding to leave things as they were for the time
being.

---

The next morning Yuki awoke with a slight groan. He\'d been coerced
into spending the night in bed with Shuuichi; the mattress was wide
enough that he could sleep on his stomach and not be disturbed by the
form beside him. In fact, Shuuichi\'s casts kept him from all the
usual tossing and turning he usually did. That didn\'t mean, however,
that he felt especially rested, and he was quick to take his
medication, tucking the bottle safely in a hidden portion of his
drawer before Shuuichi stirred. He felt haggard; his stomach,
especially, was a painful knot. //That\'s what I get for not eating
anything,// he thought vaguely as he seated himself again on the bed
edge, touching the top of Shuuichi\'s head. //At least he looks
happy, the little brat. He\'s gonna be in trouble when he gets those
casts off.//

Shuuichi awoke with the comforting feeling of Yuki\'s fingers in his
hair. Smiling, he waited just a moment more before opening his eyes
and meeting the author\'s gaze. //He…still looks pretty tired. Is it
early?// Deciding that must be it, he reached out to paw faintly at
his leg. \"Too early to get up,\" he muttered playfully. \"Come sleep
more.\"

\"It\'s after nine,\" Yuki replied, urging the hand away. He wasn\'t
feeling up to dealing with the boy right now, so he stepped back, out
of reach. \"I\'m going to get something to drink, and then I\'ll be
back to help you.\"

Yuki started to leave, but when he got to the doorway his stomach
twisted suddenly; he snapped one hand around the doorframe and
another over his mouth almost instinctively as he stopped. Damnit.
He coughed weakly for a moment and a shudder ran through
him. //Damnit, I don\'t need this now.//

Shuuichi woke completely, sitting up and turning to face the
door. \"Yuki?\" Suddenly concerned, he leaned over the edge of the
bed. \"Yuki? What\'s wrong?\" //He…he\'s hurt. His—// Eyes widening,
his fingers curled sharply around the blanket. \"Yuki!\"

Yuki squeezed his eyes tightly shut, waiting for the spell to
pass. //I…really should have known,// some part of him echoed
faintly. When he\'d finally gotten himself under control he pulled
back his hand, finding a few traces of blood there. //Well shit.//

\"I\'m…okay.\" He scrubbed any evidence of red from around his mouth so
he could turn to give Shuuichi a thin smirk. \"Go back to bed.\"

Shuuichi\'s eyes narrowed—he wasn\'t fooled for an instant. \"You\'re
sick,\" he stated, voice low to hide its trembling. \"You\'re not okay—
you\'re sick again….\" //My fault,// his mind whispered. //My fault
again. Oh Yuki….// His shoulders hunched painfully around his ears.

Yuki watched him a moment, unmoved. //I\'ve always beeck. ck. It\'s
not like this changes anything.// \"Go back to bed,\" he instructed
evenly. \"I\'ll take care of it—you can\'t do anything how you are now
anyway.\" He started out of the room once more, jerking the door so
that it would close behind him.

Yuki washed his hand off in the bathroom and rinsed out his mouth,
though he knew better than to drink anything. //Goddamn ulcer. I
knew it, too.// Scowling faintly, Yuki calmly made his way into the
living room and picked up the phone, pressing the speed dial for
Hiroshi that Shuuichi had programmed in. The man didn\'t like him
anyway, so he didn\'t care what he thought of all this, and he could
think of no one better to take care of and calm down Shuuichi.

\"Yuki!\" When the other didn\'t return, Shuuichi slumped where he was,
staring helplessly at the door. //I want to go after him, but if I
try, I\'ll only fall. And then he\'ll get worse.// A horrible shudder
when through himkingking his chest tighten painfully. \"Yuki….\" //No—
no I can\'t start crying. I\'ll only make him worse. It\'s my fault…my
fault, and I\'m making it worse.// Despite his intentions, stinging
tears began to trickle down his cheeks, and without anywhere else to
go Shuuichi flopped onto his side and hugged Yuki\'s pillow to his
chest. \"Yu…Yuki….\"

A few minutes later Hiroshi had arrived, and Yuki met him at the
door. He hadn\'t bothered to explain anything just yet—he was sure
he\'d hear all about it from Shuuichi soon enough. So he only greeted
him curtly, already shrugginto hto his coat. \"I\'ll be gone for a few
hours at least, but I\'ll call later. Sorry,\" he added as he slipped
into his shoes, hiding a slight wince as he rubbed at his
stomach. \"For asking for this.\"

Hiroshi only shook his head, watching Yuki\'s preparations with
serious eyes. //If he didn\'t look like shit….// \"I\'ll takre ore of
him,\" he assured evenly. His fingers curled—he could already hear
faint sniffles coming from the bedroom.

Yuki nodded, somehow unable to thank the man just yet—he was
humiliated enough already. \"I know.\" Without another word or glance
he left, closing the door behind him.

Hiroshi heaved a deep breath as he made his way into the
apartment. //I should have known something like this would happen.
That damn Yuki\'s no good at taking care of people.// But by the time
he was knocking on the bedroom door he\'d arranged his face into one
of sympathy and calm reassurance. \"Hey, Shuuichi? It\'s me—I\'m
coming in.\" He peeked inside, and when he saw his friend he
struggled not to lose his composure.

Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, Shuuichi glanced up, only
to find his friend and not his lover. Somehow, the sight of Hiroshi
brought fresh tears to his eyes—Yuki must have called. He curled
tighter around his pillow. \"He\'s sick…isn\'t he?\" he asked around
sniffles. His chin was trembling. \"I…I made him s-sick again….\"

Hiroshi sighed as he came inte roe room, closing the door softly
behind him. \"Now come on, Shuuichi, you know that\'s not it.\" He sat
down on the bed edge and ruffled his friend\'s hair. \"If Yuki\'s sick
it\'s because he\'s not smart enough to eat when he\'s hungry and sleep
when he\'s tired.\" //I was there—I saw how he treats himself
sometimes. If only he wasn\'t such a dumbass….// But he didn\'t let
those sentiments show as he tried to console his companion. \"But
he\'s taking care of himself now, and he promised to call later.
Okay?\"

Shuuichi only shook his head—it wasn\'t that simple, it was never that
simple. What was Yuki going to do without him? Who would cook and
make sure there were always leftovers for when he couldn\'t be home?
Who would clean when Yuki was meeting his publishers? Who would run
out for fresh cigarettes, beer, and coffee when the author had to
pull an all-nighter? Add to those losses with his usual demanding
nature and even more helpless state….

\"He is sick…\" he pressed, burying his face. //Sick, and it\'s my
fault. Again.// And though it sent painful needles into his chest,
Shuuichi sobbed quietly into the pillow. \"Hiro…what am I g-gonna d-
do?\"

\"Shuuichi….\" Hiroshi hesitated only a moment before laying his hand
on the boy\'s back, rubbing it gently. \"Hey, come on, now,\" he coaxed
softly. \"It\'s not your fault, all right? None of this was your
fault, and everyone knows that—even him, and especially you.\" He
gave his friend a slight shake. \"I\'ll help you two out, if you
want,\" he offered. \"Come and cook for ya, just to make it a little
easier on you both. With you out of commission for a while it\'s not
like I have much to do, anyway.\"

That…helped…. A little. But Shuuichi wasn\'t ready to let go of his
misery quite yet, and he held onto it stubbornly. \"I shouldn\'t have
c-come here,\" he nearly whispered, staring across the room, sight
blurred by tears. \"He…I\'m only in the way. I c-can\'t even p-pee….\"

Hiroshi went a little red, and was glad Shuuichi couldn\'t see it. He
wasn\'t sure if he was quite up to helping him with that. \"He\'s the
one that volunteered, didn\'t he?\" he said, still rubbing Shuuichi\'s
back. \"But….\" //He won\'t go for it, but maybe….// \"Do you want me
to call your dad?\" he offered quietly. \"I\'m sure he and Maiko-chan
would….\" He trailed off, knowing it might not have been the best
suggestion, but it needed to be said. If Yuki was just going to wear
him raw raw over the whole mess, thus upsetting Shuuichi and making
the situation worse, it might be better for him to be with people who
could take care of him properly.

//Call…my dad….// Shuuichi shivered and fell still. He didn\'t know
how to reply to that. He should call his dad, should leave and let
Yuki relax and get better. He should just…make it easier on them
both, right? He needed to think of what was best, right?

Closing his eyes, Shuuichi hugged his pillow until harlyarly gasped
from the pain in his chest. //No. No, I…don\'t want to. I want to
be here—I want to be with Yuki!// He sniffled pitifully, but
otherwise couldn\'t answer Hiro.

Hiroshi sighed quietly. //Thought not.// \"Hey, it\'s okay,\" he tried
to assure him. \"Let\'s not worry about it now, all right? You should
really be worrying about having to put up with me all day.\" He
smiled, wondering if it was possible to lift Shuuichi\'s spirits at
this point. //What am I going to do with you, huh?// \"You up for
some food? Or do you wanna get some more sleep—it\'s still kinda
early.\"

Shuuichi frowned thoughtfully. \"No sleep,\" he muttered. Then he
squirmed. \"But…food is good.\" Sniffling, he wiped his eyes, feeling
subdued. Yuki…. Not sure what to do next, he just…lay still, staring
at the wall as he tried to either pass out or get enough energy to
move and cheer up.

\"Hey.\" Hiroshi pinched his nose as he went on. \"You\'re gonna cheer
up now, okay? Because that\'s the Shuuichi I know, and that\'s the
Shuuichi Yuki Eiri invited to live with him. I\'m going to get you
some cereal with marshmallows or something, and then we\'re going to
chill out until we hear from that blockhead boyfriend of yours. All
right?\"

Scrunching his nose, Shuuichi managed to roll a bit onto his back,
sending a grateful if tearstained smile at his friend. \"Don\'t be
mean to Yuki,\" he pouted, though he did feel a bit better. //I\'ll
just…have to be good. I won\'t bother Yuki, I won\'t make him worry or
get stressed. I\'ll just hide in here l hel he gets better.//

Hiroshi smiled, relieved that he\'d managed to get a little spirit out
of his friend. \"Marshmallows it is,\" he chuckled, pushing to his
feet. \"Just take it easy, and I\'ll be right back.\" He gave Shuuichi
one last pat on the head before withdrawing to the kitchen to fix
them both some cereal—Yuki had called him right out of bed, after
all. Suppressing a yawn he returned, and helped Shuuichi to sit up
so he could eat his breakfast.

Shuuichi ate without complaint, feeling a bit better once there was
food in his mouth. //And Hiro is just trying to help—I should be
grateful.// \"Thanks Hiro,\" he suddenly spoke up, then went right
back to his meal. //Yuki will be back in a while. I wonder….//
After another few moments of thought—and the starved gulping of his
cereal—he turned to his friend again. \"Hiro? Do you think you
could….\" He blushed a bit. \"Could you help me the bathroom?\"

\"Oh. Yeah, sure.\" Hiroshi flushed a little, but he did his best to
look nonplussed as he helped Shuuichi out of bed. \"Just…let me know
how you usually do this, okay?\" he said a little awkwardly, though he
was trying to keep his manner light. It was just…peeing, after
all. //Aw, man.//

---

Hiroshi flopped onto the couch with a sigh, taking a moment to think
if there was anything else he needed to do right then. Shuuichi was
clean, fed, and calmed after his lover\'s call, there were plenty of
leftovers to last the pair at least another day or two--if the idiot
author ate--and the apartment was reasonably clean. //Well, maybe now
I don\'t feel so bad for that idiot. Shuuichi\'s enough of a handful
without all his issues behind it.// Hiroshi scratched his head and
sunk into the cushions.

When Yuki returned from the hospital late that evening he was feeling
a little better. With the help of the medicines he\'d been given
earlier and a two hourg-ing-induced nap his stomach had settled, and
he was no longer quite as exhausted. It did, however, leave him a
little light-headed, but he was in good enough shape for a cab ride
home. By the time he was walking through the door, he felt more like
himself, until...he saw Hiroshi, and remembered that Shuuichi was in
the next room. //I bet he cried anyway.// Shaking his head slightly
he toed out of his shoes and came inside. \"I\'m back.\"

Hiroshi raised his head and a hand in greeting. //Well, at least he
doesn\'t look like the walking dead anymore.// Feeling a bit
reassured, he straightened to better see the other. \"You\'re looking
better. If you\'re hungry, there\'s tons of soup in the fridge.\"

\"I\'ll have some later,\" Yuki replied, and he meant it. //I...should
thank him.// But he only managed a quiet snort as he slipped out of
his coat and set it on the couch. \"How\'s he doing?\" he asked, wanting
to know what he might be up against before he ventured inside.

He didn\'t have to force his faint smile. \"Watching a movie right now,
though he\'s probably fallen asleep. He took a bath and it wore him
out pretty good.\" //So did crying over your call, but I don\'t think I
need to say that.//

\"That\'s good. You…\" Yuki\'s eyes narrowed slightly. \"Thank you,\" he
heard himself say. \"For taking care of him.\" He glanced away in
embarrassment as he started for the back room. \"I\'m sure you\'re eager
to head home yourself.\"

Hiroshi was momentarily surprised to hear Yuki\'s words, but he
quickly got over it and followed him towards the front door. \"Yeah, I
better get going. There\'s leftovers for you guys--should last ya a
while. Maybe I\'ll pop by tomorrow or the day after to visit
him.\" //And make sure you\'re both still alive.// Tugging on his
shoes, he finally headed out the door. \"And you\'re welcome.\"

Yuki didn\'t glance back as the door closed, but he waited until he
was sure Hiroshi had left before moving to the bedroom. The door was
closed but he didn\'t bother knocking as he slipped inside. Shuuichi
was stretched out across the bed, appearing to be asleep as Hiroshi
had said, so he kept quiet as he approached. //You little baby. I can
already tell you we crying.// He sighed faintly as he fell into a
chair across from him.

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