Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

No Rain	By : blynkin108 Category: +S to Z > Trigun Views: 4334 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
“Checkmate.” That made six games in a row that I’d won, and I felt a smug expression make its way onto my face. What the hell, I was due a little self-congratulation. The first game, Nick had mistakenly tried to ‘go easy’ on me. That one lasted maybe half an hour. After that, he made a more concerted effort, but I wasn’t about to let him get a win in. * Not a chance in hell, pal. * Normally I wasn’t this…brutal, but this was payback. Pure and simple. Failure was not an option, and so I was a lot harder on him than I might have been had he not been such an asshole the past few days. He’d probably never play chess with me again, but it was a risk I was more than willing to take.
I’d first learned to play against Joey, on the ship. I remember watching him teach Knives how to play, and then lose repeatedly after the first game. So I decided to give him a new pupil. I was smart enough to realize that asking Knives to teach me anything was a Bad Idea. Joey, I could at least learn from while losing. I’d eventually gained quite a bit of skill, or so I’d thought. That had changed when Millie had challenged me on one particularly boring bus trip. Heh, I’d made the same mistake of ‘going easy’ on her that Nick had tried to pull with me, and as a result, Meryl had gloated for days. Millie’d beaten me in four moves that first game. She then proceeded to teach me the ‘proper’ way to play chess. I’d apparently been doing it wrong all these years.
It was that same “Four-Move Checkmate” that I’d just used to beat Nick. Against a more experienced player, it would have taken some major chutzpah to pull off, as well as more than the stated four moves because it involved sacrificing one’s queen. If you miscalculated, you were screwed. But against Nick, it worked just the way Millie had showed me it would. In less than 15 minutes, I had him staring at the board in disbelief. Go me. The little crowd of onlookers clapped and congratulated me, and one even offered to give us free refills on our coffee. Well, on Nick’s coffee, anyways. He’d made the most God-awful face when a cup of the stuff was put in front of him, but after a few sips, he shrugged, and lit a cigarette. I guess after you’ve smoked for as long as Nick probably has, taste is no longer relevant. I think his main problem with coffee was what it would do to his ‘image.’ Me, I am all about taste. Given the limited selection of what I could actually eat, taste was a very important thing for me.
Knives and I had had many unpleasant encounters at what passed for dinnertime on the ship until Rem figured out that we couldn’t process meat. Steve had called us ‘sissies’ for not being able to eat what was, apparently, a manly food, but then Rem had introduced us to tater tots. Now there was good eating. All crisp and golden on the outside, and soft white goodness on the inside. And dipped in ketchup? Heavenly. Sadly, the Wit’s End did not have tater tots. In fact, most of their cuisine seemed to consist of snack foods. I’d made the mistake of buying one such snacky item called “Brain Food.” On the menu, it had shown what looked like chocolate covered raisins, but they turned out to be chocolate covered coffee beans. Talk about a rush. And Nick had eaten most of them. Why he wasn’t vibrating in his seat by now was one of life’s unsolved mysteries.
“How d’ya like that?” I grinned, dangling his king between my fingers. He frowned in mock annoyance. Or perhaps it was real annoyance; with him, it was hard to tell. He was one of the few people I’d never been able to read easily. Well, before last night anyways. Millie was another one. Meryl’s feelings, however, came boiling off of her like scalding water, which was another reason why I didn’t like being around her. But Nick never let anything slip if he could help it. Thinking back to last night, I mused that it was probably because of that massive wall he’d erected around his mind. Which also explained part of why I liked being around him; it was nice to not be constantly bombarded by antagonistic feelings not my own. But Nick never gave me any indication that he liked having me around.
“I don’t, particularly. I would have preferred if this game had lasted more than fifteen minutes.” He glared at the board again, as though it had personally betrayed him.
“It probably wouldn’t help if I told you that Millie taught me that move, would it?” I asked him, and he transferred his glare from the board to me. * Heh, you should have looked before you swiped my queen. Then you wouldn’t be in this position. * Some of our onlookers had attempted to help him out a little during one of our games, but Nick didn’t like being helped by what he termed ‘punk kids.’ Again, it must have been the whole image thing. A grown man accepting chess tips from kids. It had to be a tad humiliating, but no less so than my constant trouncing by Millie had been.
“Well, if you’re going to continue to gloat like that, the least you could do is buy me dinner.” Dinner? I mulled that over. I suppose it was only fair, in a skewed sort of way. After all, I’d basically beaten the shit out him in front of an audience, which was much more humbling than merely doing it in private. Truth to tell, I felt kinda bad now about the brutality of my wins, once everything was said and done. Taking him out to dinner was a small price to pay.
“Spaghetti?” I asked. I’d seen him eating it before, on a couple of occasions, so there was a good chance that it was a food he liked. * Hmm, come to think of it, that was what he was eating today in the hotel. * I didn’t know if he’d go for it twice in one day, but the place I had in mind could make spaghetti unrivaled anywhere in the known world. Or at least, that was what I’d been told. When I’d gone down to check out earlier, I had asked the desk clerk, a young man by the name of Donato, if he knew of any good places to eat. Actually, I had asked for places that served good spaghetti, which had me wondering if I hadn’t planned this subconsciously. Donato had recommended one restaurant in particular with glowing praises. ‘You want the best pasta, then you go to Cosimo and Susie’s. They’re my grandparents,’ he’d proclaimed proudly, thumping a fist against his chest. ‘They do things right.’
Following his directions, I had found the little restaurant sandwiched in between two other buildings, both apparently owned by more of Donato’s numerous family members. They owned a lot of little businesses here, among…other things. His directions had ended up turning into a brief genealogy lesson on The Family, as he put it, and their connections in Little Jersey. I also got a rundown of the problems they’d been having, which from the sounds of things were heating up after years of relative peace. I made a mental note to try and avoid Little Jersey for the time being.
Once I’d gotten to the restaurant, all I had to do was say that Donato sent me and I was given reservations for two. It was a little unnerving, to say the least. I hadn’t expected it to be quite that easy. Unnerving also was Cosimo himself. He had seemed like a rather harmless older gentleman on the surface, but he had a very shrewd look in his dark eyes as he gave me a once-over. I had a feeling he knew who I was, but rather than panicking and causing a scene, he was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt that I wasn’t going to be making trouble in his restaurant. And if I did, he’d be prepared for it. The tommy gun under his apron had been proof enough of that.
Nick perked up at the mention of spaghetti. Apparently he didn’t mind eating it twice in one day. Considering what he normally ate, this was probably a luxury for him. I’d tried getting him to eat more nutritious things during our stay here, but the sad fact of the matter was that Nick couldn’t afford to eat healthy. Meal blocks were relatively inexpensive and lasted for ages, and in a desert world, wine was cheaper than water. Three square meals a day was unheard of for a drifter who depended on the goodness of other’s hearts.
“Sure. Sounds good. Lead the way!”
As we came up on the restaurant, Nick let out a low whistle, and I smiled. Cosimo and Susie’s Italian Eatery was, without a doubt, a pretty classy place. A place you’d take someone special. I stopped just outside the doors. In fact, it was a place you’d take a…
“You have enough money for this?” Nick whispered in my ear, and I almost shuddered, whatever I’d been thinking lost in a ripple of heat. Now was not the time for that particular weakness to be exposed. I’d discovered it the other night, during the Bed Incident. While Nick had been scooched up behind me, he’d begun breathing through his mouth instead of his nose, and his breath kept hitting my ear. It was warm, and almost ticklish, but…it made me tingle, all over. I’d never had that happen to me before, never reacted quite so strongly to something as simple as someone’s breath in my ear. And boy, did I ever react to it. And in my position that had not been a good thing. It had taken me quite a while to calm down to the point where sleep was even possible. God…I closed my eyes and fought to keep standing, a slight blush creeping across my cheeks that I prayed he hadn’t noticed. What had he been asking about?
Oh yeah, that’s right. Money. I’d been pretty careful with the veritable fortune that Julian and Moore had so grandiosely refused, but with the way I’d been throwing it around on booze and property damage lately, it wasn’t going to last much longer. However, I had more than enough to splurge on this. I waved a hand in his face, if for nothing else than to get his distracting breath away from my ear, and managed a casual, “Sure, sure. Don’t sweat it.” If it was breathier than my normal tone, Nick didn’t comment.
We went inside the dimly lit restaurant. It was one of the things I’d liked about the place; it had atmosphere. Candles provided the only light, and each table had a tall red taper candle set in a wine flask. It was almost too quaint for words. The décor consisted of a series of murals of what appeared to be Little Jersey along the walls, interspersed with posters of singers here and there. * Makes sense. The singers are probably other ‘distant’ relatives. * Susie herself, a graying lady who from appearances had been quite a beauty in her youth, came to seat us in a corner table. I couldn’t help but notice how far we were from the door, or the rest of the dining area, for that matter. Made me a tad nervous, especially with the looks she kept throwing my way, and I had to keep myself from fingering my gun. Once again, I got that feeling that she knew who I was, but was saving the information for when it would be of most use.
Susie handed us the wine list, and I was pleasantly surprised by both the quality and the selection. They had some good years on here. I smiled. It’s kind of funny to realize that you’re older than everything on the wine list. I pointed out a few exceptional choices, and let Nick decide. He looked a little bewildered at being the one to have to choose, but after much deliberation (read: whining) he eventually settled on the ’98 Augusta Shiraz. $$120. Enh, it was worth it. As was the expression on Nick’s face when he finally saw the price. Susie smiled in approval, and left to go get us a bottle.
“Nice place, huh?” I asked, hoping to spark at least some form of conversation, however pointless.
“Yeah. It really is. How’d you find it?” he asked. He was actually interested in what I had to say? Wow. I took a deep breath. This would take some time to explain.
“Well, see, while you were still asleep, I went down to the desk, and told the desk clerk I was going to check out early because I wanted to throw the girls off if they came down looking for me, and while I was there, I started talking to him. His name’s Donato, really nice guy, big family. I asked him if he knew of any good places to eat, well, no, actually, I didn’t ask him that, I asked him if he knew of any places that had good pasta, cuz I remembered that you seemed to like it.” I sucked in a swift breath; I hadn’t meant to say that. I looked over at him nervously, but he just nodded absently, so I quickly wrapped up my story before anything else came blathering out. “And then he told me that his grandparents owned a place called Cosimo and Susie’s Italian Eatery. Spaghetti to die for, and all that. So I checked it out, and it seemed like a good place, so here we are.” I finished.
“Uh huh,” he said, in a vague tone of voice. I looked hard at him, and judging from the glazed look in his eyes he probably hadn’t heard a damn thing I said. * I should have known his sudden interest was too good to be true. * Just to test the theory, I threw out another sentence.
“And then you decided to go dance in the center square buck naked, doing a rousing rendition of ‘American Woman.’”
“Sure, sure, of course.” Another bob of the head.
“And then you tried to kiss a tomas.”
“Uh huh, interesting.” There was a snicker from somewhere behind me. At least someone was paying attention. I began drumming my fingers on the table out of sheer frustration. I was beginning to run out of inane anecdotes.
“And then I caught Meryl and Millie in your room…” His head snapped up. * Finally! * He glared at me, and I glared right back. “You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?”
“Well…” * Oh, don’t you even lie. * “No. Is that a crime?”
“Well…yes! If you wanted some time to think, all you had to do was ask, instead of letting me prattle on like an idiot.” And oh, had I prattled on. It’s probably a good thing he hadn’t been paying attention after all, or he would have caught on to my little admission. I mean, I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal; after all, I’d only been trying to find a place he’d like to eat at. But with Nick, one never knew when one was toeing a line of some sort.
“It’s not like you wouldn’t ‘prattle on’ anyways, I was just giving you a chance. Yeesh, you’d think this was a date or something.” My eyes widened. Crap. Was this a date? I stuttered a little, before coming up with a suitable, and safe, retort.
“And what if it is?” I snapped, a tad defensively. Always answer a question with another question. Although, it hadn’t really been a question…
“Then we’re both in trouble,” he muttered, and looked down at the table.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, worried now. We were both in trouble? What in the seven hells had he meant by that? I mean, even if this was a date, it was just a date. What in the world or out of it could possibly be so bad about that? I knew he wouldn’t tell me why, but I felt I had to ask anyways.
“Uhm, nothing. Everything’s fine.” he said quickly. A little too quickly. He looked up and grinned at me, but as our eyes caught, it was like…like looking into a mirror. * He shouldn’t have to be like that. I wish…that I could make him smile for real. That he could relax; let down that formidable wall he’s had to build. And I wish…that he’d do it for me. * The wistful thought brought an equally wistful smile to my face as I watched him in the candlelight. We stared at each other; maybe for ten minutes, maybe for an hour. For a brief moment in that endless stretch of time, though, a hint of the same wistfulness seemed to reflect itself in his eyes, and his face almost softened into a smile. He licked his lips, and a flicker of desire lit somewhere low in my body. * Oh, my… * It wasn’t the first time this had happened around him, and it wouldn’t be the last. Before, though, I’d always been content to just enjoy him from a distance, resigned to the fact that I was the only one of the two of us that felt that way. Now, with last night still fresh in my mind, I was beginning to wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips, feel those large callused hands of his trace their way down my body and… Nick blinked, and started fumbling around for a cigarette. I wanted to swear. Or laugh. Or cry. Maybe all three at once. He lit up, and with a few puffs yet another wall was erected between us. * Loud and clear, Nick. Signal received, loud and clear. *
Frustration welled up, and I bit off a snarl trying to force its way out of my throat. I didn’t know what to do. It’s not like I was an expert on how to seduce anyone, let alone another man, and…since when had I begun contemplating seducing him? It had just…sorta snuck up on me I guess. Five days of watching him drink himself into a stupor and helping him recover weren’t the greatest basis for a relationship, but there was more to it than that. We’d fought together against the machines, triumphed over injustice in the Quickdraw Tournament, and helped two star-crossed lovers make their escape into the desert. And then there was last night…and now I’d even taken him out on a date. Did normal people do things this fast? But since when have either of us ever been considered normal, really? And even though things were moving really quickly, by whatever standards, I had the feeling that it was because I didn’t have a lot of time in which to do it. Whatever ‘it’ was. Urgh. This was all so damn complicated! Did we even have anything in common besides our travels and chess? I may have joked about Nick’s seeming lack of hobbies, but I wasn’t much better off. I could shoot things. And run like hell if need be. And hide. I had gotten very good at hiding. So that was three things. Nick was a good shot too. I could personally attest that he was magnificent at the running bit, since he was always running away from me. And he was hiding right now, behind that wall of smoke.
It was almost eerie, watching him through it. I’d never known what fog was when I read about it, but I imagine now that it must have looked something like this, all white-gray and shifting, lending an ethereal feel to the moment. It gave Nick’s features an almost delicate cast, softening the harsh tones of his skin. And his eyes…God save me from his eyes. I knew I was staring again, but there weren’t very many people here, and I didn’t really care at the moment. I watched the cigarette lift to his mouth, the end glowing brighter as he sucked in a mouthful of smoke and let it out through pursed lips. The smoke swirled through the air, curling in and around itself like a transparent snake. I wrinkled my nose as some of it drifted my way, and I blew it back to join the rest. * Your wall’s defecting, Nick. * I smiled in amusement at the whimsical thought.
Susie interrupted my contemplation by arriving with the wine. She gave me an inquisitive look. I looked at her, tilted my head slightly in Nick’s direction and shrugged, and she rolled her eyes and mouthed, “Men.” I bit back a laugh as she expertly filled our two glasses.
“Are youse guys ‘bout ready to order?” She had a curious accent, one that I was tempted to copy. It would be fun saying ‘youse guys’ to Meryl and Millie.
“Uhm, yeah.” Food would be good. “A large platter of spaghetti, please. Extra sauce.”
“Shore thing, sweetheart.” She winked at me, threw a mock glare at Nick, and headed off to the kitchen with the order.
Nick put out the stub of the cigarette and lit another one. All without a word or a wayward glance in my direction. Just another drag on his cigarette, sending another swirl of smoke into the air to mix with the dissipating remains of the last exhalation. I sat there, sipping my wine and watching him smoke, because there was nothing I could do about it, and for once, there was nothing I could say. Eventually, I saw the kitchen doors swing open out of the corner of my eye, and looked over at Nick.
“Um, you might want to put out your smoke,” I said cautiously. Far be it from me to interrupt the Holy Ritual, but…he was on his third. And it had only been twenty minutes. I wasn’t sure if I should take it as a compliment or an insult that he always seemed to smoke more around me. Knowing him, it was probably both. “I think dinner’s here,” I continued, pointing as Susie came over to our table with the biggest plate of spaghetti I’d ever seen. It was drenched in tomato sauce, just like I’d requested, and there was even what looked to be garlic bread. Excellent. Nick looked up, and immediately put out his cigarette, eyes lighting up at the sight of the food. I moved the wine and glasses out of the way, and she set the plate down in the center of the table. She also gave us two smaller plates, for us to dish out our own portions. Personally, I would have loved to just do a faceplant and have at it, but this was a classy place. I grinned at the image, and dug in.
The hell with sex and all its complications, I’ll take food any day. This food, in particular. If it was possible to have an orgasm from food alone, the spaghetti at Cosimo and Susie’s would have done it. And I speak from many years of consumer experience here. The noodles were done al dente, which is hard to and do right. And the sauce! Never have I tasted such magnificent sauce. It was a beautiful merging of herbs and tomatoes, with enough garlic to give it flavor but not overpower the rest. Sweet without being too sweet. It was, in a word, perfect.
Between the two of us, we polished off the whole damn plate, along with all the garlic bread and the entire bottle of wine. Mmm, mmm, mmm. I didn’t even care that there was no conversation during the meal; I was too busy eating. It’s a good thing for Nick that I eat spaghetti a lot slower than I eat doughnuts, or he would have been out of luck. As it is, I still managed to put away more than he did. Take that. Nick leaned back in his chair, taking the last sip of wine from his glass.
“This place is fantastic.” He patted his stomach, and attempted to hold back a burp. I snickered.
“Nice.” * Gosh Nick, where are your manners? *
“What?” He asked exasperatedly. “I’d like to see you do better.”
“And if I do?” I raised an eyebrow.
“If you can win a belching contest against me, I’ll buy dinner next time.” * Getting bold, are we? That’s twice now today that he’s challenged me to something, AND he bet on the outcome. What’s he trying to prove? * I narrowed my eyes and smirked. * And just what had he meant by ‘next time’? Was he going to take me on a date? *
“You’re on,” I said.
“The only rule is you can’t use beer. You still in?” As if there was any doubt.
“Have you EVER seen me back out of a challenge?” I asked him, eyebrow raised.
“Well, then, shall we?” He got up and made a beeline for the door. I almost dashed after him, but remembered that it’s usually a good idea to pay for one’s food. Especially in this place. I did not want to wake up to find a bleeding tomas head in my bed. After paying the bill and leaving a 40% tip, I followed. Yes, the food was that damned good.
Once outside, I caught up to Nick, who immediately let rip a fairly decent burp. Although, if that was all he had, this was going to be an easy win. Nick grinned, and looked at me expectantly. I considered it for a moment. It had potential, but it lacked the necessary volume, and the length was almost nonexistent.
“Eh...I’d give it about a...five,” I pronounced. And that was being generous.
“A five?” He squawked indignantly. “What the hell kind of scale are you measuring by?”
“Well, it’s a scale from one to ten, with one being a Millie, a polite little air biscuit, and a ten-” I paused, remembering the night I’d picked the end of this particular scale.
“Yeah?”
“Well, ten being when I witnessed Meryl out-belch every man in the bar when I couldn’t pay all of my tab.” That had been embarrassing. “She actually managed to knock a few bottles off the counter with just the sheer force of one. For such a tiny thing, she sure has good lungs.” I grinned, and Nick blinked a few times, awe spreading across his face as he no doubt tried to envision the scene I’d just described. He burst out laughing, and I followed suit. It had been pretty damn funny to see all those hulking men bowing to little Meryl. Then,
“Oh, come on. It was at least a seven.” Poor Nick, his pride had taken such a beating today. Oh well.
“No. This is a seven.” With that, I let loose with one I’d been saving. The sound of it echoed in the street, bouncing off the buildings like a cannon shot. “Top that.”
“Alright. Gimme a minute.” He sucked in mouthful after mouthful of air, a look of grim determination on his face. The resulting eruption was impressive. It had volume, and a decent duration. Still not Meryl-caliber, but…it was better than anything I could come up with on short notice.
“Uhm, wow. I think...I think you win.”
“Ha. Eat that, chess champ!” I frowned a little. He may have won, but damned if I was going to let him keep that smug look on his face.
“It’s not exactly something to be proud of, but whatever works.” I shrugged nonchalantly.
“Fine. Be that way about it. Sore loser.” He was probably right about that. It was rare that I lost at anything, and I should have just tried to accept defeat gracefully, but I couldn’t keep myself from taunting him further.
“Aww…poor baby. Did I hurt your widdle ego?” I cooed at him, hoping this would get a rise out of him. His eyes bulged, and his nostrils flared.
“My ego? My widdle ego? I’ll show you ‘widdle’, you broom-headed buffoon!” He came at me in a headlong rush, catching me around the waist and propelling the both of us to the ground. I landed hard on my back, rocking back on my elbows, eyes wide. I’d gotten a little bit more than I was expecting, there. Nick was sprawled on top of me, and I stared up at him. I could feel my insides churning wildly after that move, but before I could either snap off a smart remark about ‘showing’ me ‘widdle,’ * Is that what he named it or something? * or warn him to get the hell out of the way, he got up in my face, half-yelling, “Don’t you mean to tell me, ‘that was a great belch I wish I could do something like that?’ Isn’t that what you meant to say?”
It would have been intimidating if I hadn’t outbelched him right then at point-blank range. Nick swore, and scrambled to get away from me, his eyes watering as his hands moved to ward off the nasty stench that accompanied the burp. Fuck, that had burned coming up.
“Uhm. Oops? I’m…sorry? You sure showed me?” I looked up sheepishly at him. * It was his own damned fault. If he hadn’t tried to rub it in…*
“Don’t make it worse. I guess that makes you the belch champ, too.” I wrinkled my nose.
“I still maintain it’s not something to be proud of. And the title still belongs to Meryl, by the way.”
“Wow.” He sat back up. I chuckled.
“Yeah. You’ve never heard a belch until you’ve heard Meryl belch. But that’s nothing compared to the way she farts!” I laughed. Nick stared at me. * What? *
“That…was disgusting!” He took a swipe at my head, and I ducked back, feeling his hand pass through the air in front of me. Then I rocked forward, rolling into a crouch and springing at him. I knocked him on his back and perched on his stomach, hands on either side of his head and grinning down at him. Nick went absolutely still. So still, I couldn’t feel him breathe anymore, which is what prompted me to lean closer and ask if he was all right. A flurry of thought/emotion assaulted my mind…
+So close.+

“you wanna KISS me?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”
+Yeah, I do.+
Before I could think, before I could do anything, I was being yanked down, into…a kiss? This was…Nick was kissing me?
+“Soft. So soft.”+ His words from the other night echoed in my head as his lips pressed insistently against mine. I was still frozen above him, eyes wide in surprise and shock. Nick was kissing me. One hand was fisted in my coat, and the other moved across my back, pressing me close against him. I gasped as fire curled through my veins, but before I could do more than that, his eyes shot open and a thought thundered across.
+WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?+ The fire turned to ice.
* But I wasn’t…you just…it was my first kiss… * He shoved me off him, eyes wide with horror. I landed in a crumpled heap, too shocked to do anything but just sit there.
* How many rejections does that make now? I’ve lost count. * My hand rose shakily to my mouth. * My first kiss… * Tears burned in my eyes, then slid silently down my cheeks to plop on my splayed legs. Nick got to his feet and pulled another damned cigarette out of his pocket. My chest felt tight, so wracked with pain that it was hard to breathe, and I wanted to claw my heart out from behind its restricting grate just to put an end to this never-ending torture.
* Stupid…this is the last time. I cannot take this anymore. * The pain welled up inside until I felt like screaming myself hoarse. In despair, I lifted my head to the stars and instead of screaming I began calling, the only way I knew how, for Rem. The only person who had really loved me. * Maybe this time, she’ll hear her song… * I was so lonely…
“So~o,” my voice wavered on the high note, raw just from the need to scream, “On the first evening a pebble, falling somewhere out of nowhere drops upon a dreaming wo~orld…” Any time the sheer loneliness of my existence overwhelmed me, I’d sing the song she taught me so long ago. I’d open my mind, just a tiny bit, and try to find her, catch some fragment of her that I could keep. It was stupid and futile; she was long since gone, but it had become a ritual. Something to comfort me on long nights out in the desert. But it wasn’t enough anymore. It had never been enough, but I’d blinded myself into believing it was an acceptable substitute for love.
* I’ve been rejected so many times, Rem. Too many times. * But no more.
“So~o, on the second evening…” * Rem, take me home. * I dropped my shields the rest of the way and flung my plea into the stars. * Oh Rem, please… *
“What…what’s that song?” Nick interrupted softly. I let the echoes of the song die out. I wanted to follow, fading into nothingness along with those last mournful notes, but Nick had asked me a question and I couldn’t not answer. In that moment, I could not deny him the truth, and that burned. Even after everything, after all the secrets, the lies, the hurt and the frustration, it hadn’t changed the way I felt…but it no longer mattered what I felt.
* What’s that song? * I echoed in my head. * It was so many things, but above all… *
“It was…Her song,” I replied distantly. “It’s a good song.” I remembered Kaite’s indignant tone at being caught singing, and smiled faintly through my tears. There had been so many bright points in my life; it almost overcame the darker spots. Almost. I drifted through my memories, completely forgetting that I was still wide open, until -
+I wonder who she was.+
* What? That wasn’t me, that was…oh shit. I’ve gone and done it now… * Frantically, I tried to close myself off again, but a burst of sorrow flooded in, swamping my efforts to pull my shields back into place, followed by a helpless kind of anger. It burned its way in,
+…never good enough…+ touching on my loneliness and fanning the feelings behind it into...
+…had enough.+ …rage. I squeezed my eyes shut, more tears spilling down my cheeks. I couldn’t let this happen, I wasn’t mad at Nick. Not really. * But you want to be, * that insidious voice whispered in my head, and I couldn’t deny it. I wanted so badly to blame him for this, but he was only the latest in a long line of rejections. It was just…he was the only person I’d kept going after. When I was with him, the pain of life faded into background noise.
* Why did it have to be you? Why are you the only one who’s worth everything to me? * I maneuvered onto my knees and got to my feet, hands clenching into fists as outraged anger poured through me, fresh and thick.
+Don’t lie!+ Nick again. I looked up to see him glaring at me, and our eyes caught. And held. * Fuck. * Horrified, I tried to look away, but I was well and truly trapped now. And he was pissed.
+ Vash digging in my mind?!?+
“What the HELL were you doing?” he snarled at me, and another wave surged through, this one closer to righteous fury, and white-hot in its intensity. * Oh dammit, what the fuck IS that thing? * I tried to block it, but it slammed into me with the force of a hurricane, hard enough to physically knock me backwards onto the ground again, as well as destroy my hasty attempt to stop it. As my outer shields gave way, though, I felt something deep down inside respond.
* Oh God no, not again…*
“What have you done?” I cried, eyes stinging from tears and my inability to even blink. I could feel all my resentment and pain coming to the surface, eating at my control. My vision went blurry, eye muscles spasming, and then suddenly…From the horrified gasp I heard I knew that my eyes had started to glow. It had happened once before, with Monev the Gale. The utter rage coursing through me, urging me to violence. To vengeance. Only, this time, it wasn’t my anger alone spurring me. If I’d had even a month longer to recover from the awakening I’d undergone against Monev, I could have prevented this from happening, prevented this haze being cast over my mind. But Nick’s rage had slammed through my shields one by one, each giving way till his rage smacked into my own rage, a bottomless well of it that I’d slapped a barrier over, a barrier that was now obliterated. It roared up from the very depths of my soul, the frightening rage of a child whose life has spiraled out of his control combined with over a century of bitterness and self-loathing. But as we stared at each other, I felt his anger shift, changing into fear, of -
+…what Vash might do to me.+ Fear…of me. His anger disappeared entirely under the sudden rush of fear, and it froze inside my mind, taking away some of the momentum of the monster raging through my soul. His eyes widened further, and he scrambled backwards, trying to get away. It was enough to give me back some control. I tried again to break free of his mind, desperately, because he was afraid of me and I couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand the one person I loved most in this world being terrified of me. I wanted to die of shame. * She’d be so disappointed…* My eyes dimmed, and then blazed again as my own helpless anger resurfaced, strong enough to choke on.
“Let¼let me go!” I screamed. “I¼I can’t¼” If I had to feel his fear any longer I was going to go insane, or explode, whichever came first. I rose to my knees again and forced my hands into my hair. I’d been clenching my hands so tight I could feel my nails cutting through the leather of my gloves. +You’re trapped¼in here? Oh sweet angry Jesus¼+ I heard him ask in disbelief, and then he finally closed his eyes. I was finally able to draw back, away from the fear and away from the anger. But not all of it. I could still feel it churning through me. What we had started was nowhere near finished. * Why, why, why…why now? *
“What the fuck was that?” Nick spat, his voice coming from across the street, somewhere off to my right.
“N-nothing I intended,” I mumbled, wondering how the hell this had all happened. Nick began ranting, but I didn’t hear it. * All I’d wanted to do was find her… *
“Rem…” I muttered. “I thought it was okay… I thought I could¼could¼’cause it’s safe, ‘cause you’re gone¼” I frowned. That couldn’t be right. Rem would never have left me. “You’re gone? You’re dead¼he KILLED you! I’M GONNA KILL HIM! KNIVES!!!”
Rage that turned to pure power surged up against my tentative hold on it, leaking out around the weakening edges. It wouldn’t discriminate. It would lash out in all directions in its search for a target, any target, and I was hard pressed to hold it back.
* Why was I even trying…I forget why…* I thought distantly, as my grip on it gave a little more. * Why should I care what happens? Let it end here… * There was a problem with this, but I couldn’t quite…
“Vash! Vash!” Nick’s frantic voice yelling my name broke into my scattered thoughts. I turned my glowing gaze towards him. “Please, Vash…Please...Come back.” * Why? If I’m gone, then you’ll be safe. * A memory from last night glimmered in my brain, like a falling star. “Because you’re beautiful.” * Shit. * The frayed edges of my control cracked again, and I could feel the power preparing for another surge. The ground rumbled, sending a small flock of roosting birds into the air. It was already beginning to affect the surrounding area, and that meant I was close to losing it for good. It was going to break out, and take down everything in its path. I felt it flow down my right arm, but it couldn’t get out that way, not without…something else. My mind flashed to the remains of July, * my fault * and I had the sickening feeling that this would be worse. And even if it did…if I…it would take Nick with me, and that just would not do.
I did my best to block off whatever connection had formed between us. It might not save him entirely from the backlash, but with any luck he’d survive it, at least. I formed another channel around the remains of the barrier, and looped it back into my mind. The flow to the outside lessened immediately, and I felt the power begin to suck back inside me. Then I dropped what remained of my own shields, bringing them down on myself in hopes of keeping it contained. The only problem with this was that I would likely implode as it kept cycling through, faster and faster…I started to shake. * Goodbye, Nick. *
“NO!” Nick yelled, suddenly there, in front of me. He grabbed a hold of my coat and yanked me into his arms. I felt the larger channel I’d built collapse under the strain of trying to hold up my fallen shields, and power flooded my body. I drew in a deep breath, bracing myself for an explosion, and caught the hint of tobacco in the air from Nick’s cigarette. The power swirled and shifted like the smoke I’d just inhaled. But instead of the destruction I had expected, it chose another form. I felt my shields reconstruct themselves, and the large hole that had been blown in them repaired itself. It found the connection to Nick’s mind that I’d tried to close off, and pried it open again. Then it coiled around it, sealing itself to our respective shields. I had the feeling it was now a permanent fixture and I winced inwardly. Nick was not going to be happy about that. I’d felt his disgust at the thought of me being in his mind.
He was still alive, though, and that was all that really mattered right now. And for some reason, so was I. The remaining tension in my body seeped out, and I collapsed against him, breathing hard. * God, I’d nearly…I really am a monster. * I started shaking again. I could still feel it pulsing through my body, just under the surface. I had some control over it, but it was no longer contained within my mind. It was biding its time. If my anger flared up again right now, November was toast. We’d go up in a blaze of glory that B.D.N himself would be envious of. I curled up against him, head against his heart. Its beat was frantic, echoing my own, but slowly, they steadied out together. * If only I could stay like this forever. *
Then Nick lifted my chin up and kissed me. Again. * Scratch that, I want to stay like this forever! * I gasped. After the painful rejection, and the hell I’d just experienced, this was a heaven-sent surprise. I had never expected…but oh, I’d hoped. I’d even dared to dream; the few times my subconscious allowed me anything as relaxing as a dream, anyways. But not even the sweetest dream could have compared to this reality. I kissed him back, letting the pleasure I was feeling erase all the pain. And it wasn’t just my pleasure; I could feel Nick’s, too. As it built higher, escalating to the point of rapture, and the power shifted yet again, I let myself believe that this could last forever. It was better than thinking about what had almost happened.
My mind felt raw, exposed. For so long, I’d kept it closed off, only opening just wide enough to let Rem in if I ever found her. But then Nick…And then I’d gone and left myself wide open. I’d been so stupid, singing that song when he was so close, but I had no idea he would react like that. Had no idea that he could project like that. But I should have. And now…I had no secrets from him. It was terrifying, but I couldn’t bring myself to close the link off. Even if I could have, I wouldn’t have wanted to. It had been so long…I reveled in the feel of another mind next to mine. Close enough to touch. Just the knowledge that I could was enough to ease some of the loneliness that had haunted me all these years like an empty echo.
Nick pulled me closer, held me tighter, and I shivered deliciously. It would be so very easy to get used to this. It stirred my sluggish blood, along with the energy I’d unleashed inside my body. I felt it spark through my veins with every brush of his breath against me, and my heartbeat picked up again. He stared at me while we kissed, indigo eyes almost black now, and the burning went lower. God, how had this happened? It had all been so quick; I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it. Why had it done what it did?
The only thing I could think of, the only possible explanation, was pure chemistry. When molecules form bonds they give off energy. What we had done had given off a hell of a lot of energy, and it wanted to go somewhere. For some reason, it had sublimated from destruction to something else, and fixing our shields hadn’t even put a dent in it. It wanted release, and it wanted it now, and with the way my body was tingling I had a feeling I knew exactly what had to happen to diffuse the incendiary bomb sitting in my gut. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I probably couldn’t move even if I tried, I would have pounced Nick right in the middle of the street.
“Let’s sing a different song, okay?” Nick smiled again as he got shakily to his feet, and it startled a laugh out of me. It was a worn-out-and-dragged-through-the-ringer kind of laugh, but real nonetheless. I’d gotten my wish. Granted, I’d had to go through hell and back, but I’d just seen him smile at me twice within the space of a few…minutes? Hours? ‘Let’s sing a different song, okay?’ Indeed. Never again would I be able to sing that song without thinking of him. It wasn’t Rem’s song any more.
“Yeah. Sounds like a plan to me.” I attempted to get to my feet, and remembered that my limbs weren’t quite up to the task just yet. I looked up at Nick and held out a hand to him. That was twice now that I’d had to ask for his help. He smirked as he grabbed hold of my wrist, and I had a millisecond to be anxious about that smirk before he yanked, causing me to overbalance. He caught me of course, but I had just been taken in by one of the oldest tricks in the book. I blinked stupidly at him for a few seconds, not quite believing that not only had Nick done something like that but I’d fallen for it. Literally. He took the opportunity to kiss me again, before wrapping an arm around my waist and propelling us down the street, totally oblivious to the fact that his kiss had set me on fire. Again.
As we walked, it occurred to me that I was on my way to a hotel with another man. * If only Rem could see me now. * I leaned against Nick’s shoulder and smiled faintly at the thought. She would have been happy to see me happy, I think. And I was happy. Turned on like I couldn’t believe, exhausted and wrung-out, but still happy.
My limbs still weren’t quite cooperating by the time we reached the hotel, so once again we were stumbling around like a couple of drunks. It was like déjà vu, only…not. Hopefully, tonight would end quite a bit differently from last night. I shuddered lightly again, feeling a small wave of pure heat run through me. I could almost feel my eyes sparking again. * Nng, this is not good. I cannot lose it again. * At least the anger I had halfway understood. But this tormenting sensation was completely new to me, and I had the feeling that the only way to get rid of it was…that. With Nick. * Oh God, what have I done… * My body kept radiating heat like the desert sands at noon. I was probably projecting enough waves to produce a mirage. Nick didn’t seem to mind, though. Every now and then, he’d sneak a look at me, and smile slightly. And every time he did, another wave of heat would ripple through me. I also kept getting little snippets and flashes of thought, but what came through most was emotion. I only hoped he wasn’t getting my thoughts and emotions as well, because if he had even an inkling of what was running through my head…
I could feel some trepidation, which seemed to come from the idea of the link itself. But this soon faded into reassurance and…relief. So he wasn’t angry about it. * Thank God. * There was curiosity, and then a full thought came across.
+That must have been why I didn’t recognize it at first. That, or…+ Oops, I must have accidentally sent that to him. But I didn’t think his thought had been directed at me. Wanting to clue him in to the fact that he was ‘broadcasting,’ I interrupted.
* Recognize what? *
+You heard that?+ I tried not to smile. Oh, this was going to be very interesting indeed. He would need a whole different kind of shielding if even thinking about me meant his thoughts arrowed in my direction. But first things first…
* Yes. But, what didn’t you recognize? *
+Your...voice, I guess. I didn’t recognize it right away. It didn’t sound like you.+
*Oh...* Strange. I frowned. * But you sound like you. * Nick ‘shrugged’.
+I’d rather not dwell on the particulars at the moment. Right now we need to get you back to the hotel. Agreed?+ Under this was a current of sub thought, +Vash still looked about ready to collapse. He needed to lie down and rest.+ * Oh, you have no idea what I need right now, but that will work for starters. *
* Mm. Sounds good. Very good. * That was what actually went through. I had sub thoughts too, but I was skilled enough to keep him from getting most of it. He gave me another sideways look, though, which made me wonder if he had, indeed, caught the rest of what I’d been thinking. *Naaaaahh. *
- 5
- 6
- 7
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

No Rain