Echoes of Humanity

They stood, watching her go, for a long time. They waited even after she had turned the last bend, out of sight of the Aries temple and the cliffs where they stood.

Mu sighed. A part of him truly wanted to follow her. But, as it had been stated only a few hours before, it was the duty of a Gold Saint to remain in Sanctuary, and to protect the very heart of Athena’s domain from attack. Currently, Athena herself could not have such a role, and so the uppermost temple would remain empty and cold, while the goddess tried to relay her message to a world who had completely forgotten about her existence.

No. The world would only remember her when the thin veneer of peace and human dignity was shattered by whoever wanted to take their lives, figuratively or literally.

Slowly, the Saints began to move, shifting, stretching, and beginning to spread out from the informal formation that they had adopted to say their farewells to Athena. They blinked at each other, as if in a daze. Milo was the first among their number to say anything.

“Well, that was anti-climatic.”

Aldebaran looked at him curiously. “You were expecting something different.”

“Actually, yes.” Milo replied.

Aiolia spoke up, walking up to the older Saint and looking at him with an intensity that Mu thought bordered on peering.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” The Leo Saint said, a strange expression on his face, “What exactly were you expecting?”

Milo answered readily. “Fire, large bolts of lightning.” He said, and he seemed confused, maybe even hurt, as he paused for a second, and then added. “Anything but that.”

“Why?” Mu asked quietly, joining in on the conversation. Milo had spoken to them so little over the past weeks, and Mu was more than ready to jump on anything that would reveal the thoughts of the Scorpio Saint. The veil of mystery and secrecy that covered Sanctuary was disconcerting at times, and Mu wanted at least part of it gone. They didn’t have to give up their secrets, but a few thoughts shared between allies couldn’t be harmful.

The look Milo gave him, however, was utterly serious, and his words confident “Because people are supposed to be angry when you try to kill them.”

“She is not people.” Aiolia was quick to jump to Athena’s defense. “She is a goddess.”

“Which gives her all the more reason.” Milo said.

Aiolia growled. “It gives her a reason to act more mature than we.”

Mu shook his head as the two Saints continued to bicker. It was their catharsis, he imagined. Just as Shaka kept glancing longingly up the mountain and Aldebaran was shifting from foot to foot as he stood there. They all wanted to be free of the heavy emotion and the almost unsettling amount of compassion that the goddess had displayed before them. Even as she had left, she had seemed concerned about them, asking their forgiveness, of all things, before she had left for the life that she lived as Saori Kido, heiress and political figure.

Shaka soon joined the Aries Saint, standing next to him and watching the Scorpio Saint defend whatever fire-and-brimstone position his mind had asked that he adopt.

“Is that alright?” He asked after a few moments, cocking his head.

Mu blinked, hardly believing that Shaka would be asking his opinion on anything.

“I think it is.” He replied honestly. Shaka seemed to demand honesty from him, whether in something such as this or, like that first night, about the very workings of his heart. Maybe it was because they were alike enough that Shaka just understood, or at least had a vague comprehension, of what he was saying. Mu shook his head. This was an odd moment to be getting into such pondering. After all, this was hardly some invasive question.

“I think it is.” He repeated. “I think that they need this.”

They really did, he realized with a start. It was their nature. Within Sanctuary, there were defenders, and there were destroyers. Those who guarded and those who took the offense. Milo and Aiolia were in the second group, with Deathmask and many of the Silver Saints who now lay buried. Yet they were there for different reasons. Deathmask had been placed in the role because he enjoyed it, Aiolia because, to him, duty and honor were the same thing. Milo was a destroyer simply because he was good at it. And, although they fulfilled the same role within Sanctuary, their differences of opinion had the potential to put them at odds. “It is their nature.”

Mu was unsurprised when Shaka nodded. “I suppose it is.” The Virgo Saint said quietly. “They aren’t actually angry with one another, are they?”

Mu suppressed a smile. There were times when Shaka amused him. Perceptive and intelligent, the blond seemed to have little to say about the human condition, and yet he understood it almost perfectly. Mu would have said that it surprised him when Shaka figured out things like this, but it really didn’t. Shaka was as sharp as he was powerful, no matter what the Virgo Saint himself thought.

“Of course not.”

“The children are fighting, Aries.” Aldebaran remarked as he joined them, although that seemed to be his only comment, as he immediately leaned against the wall in a manner that seemed to indicate that he didn’t truly want to converse.

“They are the same age as we are.” Mu said quietly. Shaka raised an eyebrow.

“Are they really?”

Mu hesitated, looking curiously at the blond. Shaka was beginning to talk more; to reveal more of the thoughts that ran through his head. He wondered what was the blond was thinking this time. “I don’t understand.” He replied, knowing the words were something of a lie. He guessed he knew.

“None of us act our ages. We aren’t what we seem.”

Mu nodded amiably. “We all grew up at ten.”

“Exactly. It doesn’t mean we’ve outgrown temper-tantrums, though.”

Mu paused for a second, then took a chance. “I suppose not. After all, I seem to recall you throwing one a while back.”

Shaka simply bent his head in acquiescence.

As the voices across the clearing rose, Mu couldn’t help but think they were ignoring what was actually going through their heads. With the exception on the bickering Scorpio and Leo Saints, they were completely avoiding speaking of Athena’s visit. Not that he had any reason to dredge it up yet. Although the visit had been brief, Mu couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened, something he didn’t understand quite yet. He wanted some time to dwell on it, before he said anything about his thoughts. Part of him wondered if he ever would.

“You know nothing of that!”

Milo’s voice echoed off the cliffs, and the pure rage in the words was palpable. As Mu snapped his head back up to watch the Scorpio Saint. Aiolia froze, realizing that perhaps he’d gone too far. Carefully, the Leo Saint reached out a hand in apology, but Milo was already gone, expertly avoiding the gesture as he left as quickly as possible.

Aiolia took a half step forward, then stopped, turning back towards the others.

“He started it.” He said simply, and Shaka raised an eyebrow at Mu, almost imperceptibly.

“You’re just getting yelled at by everyone, aren’t you?” Mu asked, and the Leo Saint shook his head.

“It’s not my fault everyone is being stupid.”

Mu wondered if Aiolia included himself in that number. If he did, than the Aries Saint couldn’t have agreed more.

Aldebaran finally spoke again. “I’m going back to the Taurus Temple.” He said quietly. “If you don’t mind me offering some advice, I think that we could probably all use some quiet time.”

Aiolia looked a bit perturbed by the rather obvious change of subject, but nodded. As the Leo and Taurus Saints walked up the narrow path to their temples, Shaka hesitated, looking intently at Mu for a long moment.

“You really want to go after him, don’t you?”

Mu jumped. “What?”

“The Scorpio Saint. You’re worried about him.”

“I’m sure he just needs some time alone.” Mu replied, wondering if he sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Shaka had, unfortunately, called him on this. Something in the Scorpio Saint’s behavior and voice had disturbed him, and he was concerned for the other man. He walked back towards the Aries Temple, beckoning to Shaka that he should follow in order to finish their conversation. Shaka did, waiting silently by the door while Mu changed from his Cloth into more casual attire. When Mu joined him again, the Virgo Saint simply took up their conversation where it had ended.

“The Scorpio Saint and alone don’t get along well, Mu.”

“I don’t think I should.” The pink-haired man replied quietly. “I wouldn’t know what to say.”

Shaka shook his head. “Say what’s on your mind, since it’s obviously troubling you. You might get ripped apart verbally, but my guess is that he’ll talk.”

Mu was slightly perplexed by this obvious attempt of Shaka’s to convince him to go to the Scorpio Temple. He was shocked, however, when Shaka smiled slightly pensively

“Go after him, Mu. If you want so desperately to be our protectorate, just go after him.”

Mu froze. Shaka shrugged. “I just thought that if you get to figure out what makes me tick, I should spend some time figuring out what you’re all about.” He said, walking away before Mu was able to process the words enough to form a proper response.

Watching Shaka’s back as the Virgo Saint walked away from him, he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. He hadn’t really thought about why he was doing what he was doing. The fact that Shaka had figured it out before Mu himself didn’t make the Aries Saint exactly comfortable.

Neither did Milo’s attitude, actually. Shaka was definitely right. Mu wanted to go see if he was alright.

Which is why, when he looked down, Mu realized he was already halfway up the path to the Scorpio Temple.

Reaching the level ground in front of the Scorpio Temple, Mu hesitated for a long moment before entering. If he was entering into the sanctity of Milo’s temple, he could at least give the Scorpio Saint ample warning before he crossed the threshold.

Milo was not far from the entrance, leaning against one of the many pillars and facing away from Mu. He had changed, as well, into a pair of jeans and a shirt that appeared to be red, although the low light made it impossible to tell for sure. He didn’t turn when Mu entered, but he tensed visibly.

“Can I help you, Aries?” He asked coldly, reaching out and setting an empty glass on the cold stone next to him.

“I was just wondering what happened out there.” Mu replied, moving closer so he could see the other Saint more clearly, as the only light left was from the torches flickering on the wall. A whisky bottle was next to the glass, Mu realized, half empty. The broken seal next to it seemed to indicate that it had just recently been opened for the first time.

“Was there something wrong with the way I acted?” Milo riposted, voice tinged with ice, and he still didn’t turn around. Mu was beginning to think that he really was getting to know the backs of the other Saints far better than he was the Saints themselves.

“Aiolia did not mean to insult you.” Mu said. “He was tightly wound by speaking with Athena.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Milo said dryly.

“That really wasn’t why I was here, though.” Mu continued, ignoring the sarcastic remark. “I am simply curious to know what happened.”

“Ah.” Milo replied, “You’re here to lecture me about my behavior in front of Athena, then?”

Mu considered his words. Milo was more tightly closed then he’d imagined. It would be a wonder if he could get anything from the blue-haired man.

“I saw nothing wrong with your behavior before her. You treated her with respect and answered what she asked.”

“It’s nice to know that I have your approval.” Milo said, still in the same dead, dry voice as before, and Mu felt the first stirrings of frustration. This wasn’t going well at all. He took a deep breath and plunged head first into the depths of the conversation.

“You know as well as I do that my approval has nothing to do with this.” He said, and Milo laughed. A short cynical bark.

“Lovely.” He replied. “Now I get to have a psychobabble lecture from a fellow Saint.”

“Do you need one?” Mu asked quietly. Milo was completely silent, saying nothing, and after a few minutes of silence Mu rested his shoulder against the wall, waiting for an answer, or to be sent away. It took a long while, during which Milo poured and drained another half glass of whiskey, but eventually the Scorpio Saint spoke again.

“It hurts, you know.”

Mu wisely remained quiet, waiting for more.

“Taking a life, especially a Saint’s. You can actually feel it when they die.”

Mu made a sound of quiet agreement. “You didn’t do it because you wanted too, Milo. We all realize this.”

The same laugh, possibly colder this time. “Interesting opinion, Mu. But I did want too, in a way. They had to die, so I wanted to kill them.”

“You only did what you were supposed to do.”

“You are an idiot, if that’s what you think.” Milo said. “You have no idea what I mean.”

“I don’t suppose you want to explain it to me?” Mu asked, choosing to ignore the insult.

“I can’t. It’s nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with desire. It is something you are born understanding.”

“Really?” Mu asked as non-invasively as possible, but a bit surprised that Milo would feel confident enough to make such a judgment.

“I had a long discussion about this with…someone…a long time ago. We discovered that we were unable to come of an understanding on this issue.” He filled the glass again.

Mu raised an eyebrow at the back in front of him, curious as to the obvious omission of a name. “If you can’t explain it, will you at least say what it is that is making you so angry?”

“If you mention the Id I will be greatly disappointed in you, Mu.” Milo said after a moment.

“What about the self-efficacy?” Mu replied.

“That would just be a depressing conversation.” Milo said, and the glass was set down, empty once more. A quick glance at the bottle and Mu realized it was nearly empty, and yet the Scorpio Saint had yet to slur even a word.

“So tell me about something else.” Mu suggested, eager to keep the conversation alive.

“I hardly think so.” Milo said. “I could tell you about the weather, if you like.”

Mu smiled slightly. “You’re avoiding the subject.”

“How is that a problem? I didn’t want to talk in the first place.”

“Yet you were the one to start this conversation.” Mu reminded gently, and watched as Milo twitched.

“I simply commented that it hurts to kill someone.”

Mu chose not to mention that he knew what and who Milo was referring too, and that the Scorpio Saint really didn’t need to use the vague references that he was. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He said honestly.

“I don’t think it’s me that you should be sorry for.” Milo said.

“You’re the one that has to deal with the pain.”

“They’re the ones that are dead.” Milo countered, and his voice was chillingly devoid of life again.

“You did as you had too, Milo.” Mu said. Milo shivered.

“Why was I told to do it in the first place?” The Scorpio Saint asked.

Mu looked intently at Milo, trying to analyze the blue-haired man. A thousand things suddenly became clear to him. Milo had somehow taken the same opinion that they all had- that they should have known better – and convinced himself that he had actually deserved to be Ares toy. Milo was right. A conversation about self-efficacy would have been depressing.


“You can’t be punished for something that hasn’t happened yet, Milo.” Mu said after a great deal of thought.

“Why?” Milo asked dully, “Because it’s not fair?”

“I was more thinking because that it’s rather impractical.” Mu replied. “But unfair works, too.”

In truth, Mu wasn’t sure that unfair even began to cover it. Half of the Gold Saints had died because they had thought they were fighting for what the believed in, and the rest of them were simply trying to figure out why they hadn’t. They all had different perceptions about what and why things had happened. Milo seemed caught between an act and its punishment.

“I killed them, Mu. They didn’t deserve it.” He said, and at least he was exhibiting emotion again. “They were punished for doing what they were supposed too.”

“No, Milo. The rules are different when you’re alive.”

Milo twitched again, and he turned his head to look at Mu over his shoulder, eyes glittering in the torchlight. “Excuse me?”

“Alive, you are living to fight for what you believe in. Those men out there died for what they believed in. You can’t honor their memories by forgetting what made you a Saint in the first place.”

“I know that!” Milo snapped.

“No, you don’t.” Mu replied, trying to keep his voice calm. “We are only the successors to our masters; are only the teachers of the next generation. It is our duty to keep this world as it is, and to make it better if we can. The Saints you were sent after died defending that belief, and we must live until we too can pass the torch.”

Milo hesitated, but said nothing. Mu took that and went with it, though. He didn’t want to hurt the Scorpio Saint, truly. There were too few people in the world that they could count on. Mu would like to keep Milo among them.

“It’s sad, but I’ve said this before. It’s getting odd how I keep giving people the same advice. But, Milo, if you want to prove that their deaths were not in vain, then you’re going to have to prove yourself worthy of the life that you still have.”

“Does that even matter, Mu?” Milo asked seriously. “He asked me to kill men who had been serving Sanctuary without blemish since they were practically toddlers. I didn’t even blink.”

“He wouldn’t have let you ask. He played Sanctuary to keep you from asking that very question.”

“I should have looked more closely before killing them.” Milo said, the frustration and anger in his voice becoming more clear.

“He blinded all of us.” Mu said quietly, deciding to use the same terminology as Milo, to keep the similes, well, similar.

Milo turned on him then, and Mu couldn’t help but be reminded of a wounded panther, fighting back because that was it’s only hope for survival.

“Wool starts to itch after only a few minutes! He shouldn’t have been able to pull it over our eyes for thirteen years!” He hissed, advancing on Mu. “How can you not be mad about that? Upset, angry, frustrated? You have to feel something!”

Mu looked at him levelly. “We have to move on, Milo. It’s our only hope of fulfilling the destiny we decided on.” Even as he said the words, he felt a pang of in his chest. It was so easy to see why Ares had been so quick and ruthless in his use of Milo. The Scorpio Saint was not cruel, but he was passionate and understood what it was to be alive. In his mind all obstacles must be destroyed. As a Saint it made him willing to do whatever had to be done. As a tool, it had meant that he had been used for slaughter, while being told he was protecting Sanctuary.

“How can we move on if no one admits that anything happened?” Milo asked. “She can’t possibly think we’re beyond fault, can she?”

“I don’t know what Athena thinks,” Mu began, but was unable to continue when Milo slammed a hand onto the wall next to his shoulder, effectively pinning him to the wall.

“Stop. Being. So. Apathetic.” Milo hissed. “We were used. Manipulated by someone who not only deceived us, but used our friends against us. I butchered people, and you…you were thrown out as trash.” He locked eyes with Mu, eyes burning with something that wasn’t quite hatred.

“Mu, I don’t understand how you can care so little about this. Shaka has shown more emotion in the past month then you have, and he spends most of his time sitting on a rock!” He paused. “Come to think of it, the rock shows more emotion.”

Mu looked calmly at the Scorpio Saint, glancing at where Milo’s arms kept him against the wall. He needed to calm down the Scorpio Saint, and soon. He’d assumed too much, and it was getting dangerous. “I know you’re upset, Scorpio, but this isn’t helping anything.”

Milo stared at him. Then the blue-haired man started shaking. His arms collapsed and the Aries Saint found himself pinned to the wall under the weight of the heavier man. He froze, completely thunderstruck. For a long moment, he considered throwing the other man across the room, but he really didn’t want to do that. Milo wanted, desperately, to be punished for the crimes he had committed. Mu refused to be the one to do that. Athena didn’t see the need to punish them, and to validate Milo the way he wanted too be validated would go against the one thing Mu had been saying since he had first spoken with her. This was their time to prove themselves worthy, and to take their own punishment into their hands would be as much a betrayal as were they to take action against another without her permission. No matter how Milo asked, Mu couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“Milo, it’s late. We should try to get some sleep. Things will look less dark once the sun rises.”

The Scorpio Saint snorted against his shoulder. “Want to come to bed with me?” He asked, and the words were still angry; still frustrated, and his voice was beginning to show signs of intoxication. “I bet I could make you feel something that way.”

Mu sighed. “I doubt that.” He said, deftly catching Milo’s hand as it began to wander up his spine, stopping whatever insane idea had crossed the Scorpio Saint’s thoughts now. He was still shocked, however, when Milo looked up at him, eyes dark and malevolent over a rather nasty smile.

“So you really wouldn’t feel anything, if I did this?” Milo asked, and Mu thought that he should have seen it coming, when the blue-haired man leaned forward and kissed him. It was hard and cruel, nothing more than another attempt by Milo to incite Mu into doing what he wanted. Pushing hard against Milo’s shoulders, hoping to get the Scorpio Saint to step away without reverting to more drastic measures, Mu felt a sense of dread when Milo’s hand wrapped around his throat. He sought desperately for something to say, a speech that would end in something other than his slamming Milo against the already cracked pillar behind the Scorpio Saint’s back.

“Let me go, Milo. I can’t give you what you want.” He said, trying to remain calm, trying not to think about what the blue-haired man was trying to do to him. Milo simply ignored the request.

“Can you feel pleasure?” He hissed. “Or pain?” He shoved his knee between Mu’s legs, and the pink-haired man suddenly didn’t care about his plan not to validate Milo, because the Scorpio Saint had just gone so far past the allowed limits that not doing anything would be downright insane at this point. He closed his eyes, focusing his energy, and tried one last time.

“You don’t want to do this, Milo. That’s pretty obvious even do me.” He whispered. Somehow, it was the right thing to say.

Milo stopped. He stared at his hand as though it were alien for a few seconds before shoving himself away from Mu with violent force. His shoulder crashed against the wall with a solid thud when he tripped and fell against it, collapsing against the stone and sliding the floor .

“Shit.” He said, his tone devastated, and Mu heard everything from despair to apology in that single word. He took a deep breath, and shifted so that he was looking at the other Saint. As he drew breath to speak, however, Milo interrupted him.

“Get out.”

Mu hesitated. There was so much more to be said, but his heart was racing, and his mind was racing faster. “Milo…it’s no..”

“Say it’s not my fault and I promise you that I will throw you out of here. Right now I am drunk, and very upset. I’m also something of a creep. Being around me at the moment is a rather bad idea.”

Mu supposed honesty was a start. He shook his head. This hadn’t quite gone as he’d planned and yet, at the same time, he couldn’t help but think something had actually gone right. If nothing else, tonight had shown him that Milo wore guilt around his neck like so many millstones. He hesitated for a long moment, finally pushing himself away from the wall with a quiet sigh. As he stepped towards the door, Milo said nothing, staring at the empty space between his eyes and a crack on the floor. As he neared the exit, however, Mu found himself stopping.

“You really can’t be punished for something that hasn’t happened yet, Milo” He said quietly, repeating his earlier words. “It’s not the way the world works.”

He walked away before the Scorpio Saint could reply, even if Milo could have, but Mu could feel the weight of the blue-haired man’s stare between his shoulder blades as he walked from the temple. He stumbled on the last step, and went tripping forward for several paces before stopping himself on one of the stone cliffs. He leaned against the cool rock, clenching his fists to his forehead with a ragged moan.

He was so lost.

It was the only way he could describe this situation. He was out of his element, he knew that. He wanted to run, to abandon the men who were his only family save Kiki, and go back to the rocks and spires that were his true sanctuary.

Except he couldn’t. He’d spent the past thirteen years running, and he wasn’t going to do it anymore. It didn’t matter if he’d had darn good reasons for running last time, that the price to be paid if he’d stayed in Sanctuary would have been far more expensive than She could have paid. He had still run, fleeing until the time when something had come to give him a decent chance at a fight. He wouldn’t do it again, not for the stupid reasons the current situation gave him. The men who lived here were as close as he would ever come to family and, even though he barely knew them, Mu couldn’t help but care about them.

He just didn’t know what to do to help them. Mu was a man who could discuss philosophy, ethics, and the human condition and convince even the most cynical of men. Partly because that same cynicism ran through his own veins, although it was tempered by the very spirit of Athena herself. But this had nothing to do with the human condition. It had to do with the very core of humanity itself, and Mu realized he didn’t have a clue.

“Mu?”

The deep voice, gentle and concerned, broke through his thoughts. Snapping upright, Mu turned. Shaka was standing there, just immerged from the shadows, and Mu had the feeling that the Virgo Saint had probably been there since he’d first entered the Scorpio Temple, and knew at least part of what had transpired.

“Hi.”

It was the only thing he could think of to say.

“Are you alright?” Shaka asked, a look that wasn’t quite suspicion on his face.

“I am. A bit shaken, but fine.”

“And the Scorpio Saint?” He prodded, and Mu almost shook his head. The perceptiveness of the Virgo Saint was becoming more astonishing by the day. Shaka knew things that no one had a right to know. Mu had the sudden thought that if they combined their perceptions and actions, they might actually become a formidable force when it came to human interaction. Mu cocked his head, looking to where Shaka still waited for an answer. The Aries saint smiled enigmatically, as he remembered the first night he had returned.

“He is the same as we all are.”

“Broken?” Shaka replied after a brief moment of contemplation.

“Completely.”

He looked up at the concern in the blond Saint’s face, and suddenly Mu came to the realization that he truly believed what he’d been saying all along. They would get through this. They were broken into pieces, but they hadn’t been scattered to the wind. It was why he couldn’t bring himself to feel any animosity towards Milo, when he had every right to hate the Scorpio Saint after what had just happened, and why he’d tried to reason through Shaka’s anger. They had been broken while standing alone. Perhaps, together, they would get through their personal damnations. He smiled suddenly, as he realized just what point Athena had been trying to make earlier.

“She is a smart woman, isn’t she?” He didn’t bother to indicate who he was talking about.

Shaka looked at him for a long time. “Yes, she is.” He paused. “I need to go back down, now. Why don’t you walk with me?”

Mu hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.”

He chose not to ask why Shaka was up here in the first place, just as Shaka chose not to volunteer the information. They both knew, and it was silly to waste words when you already had all the information.

A/N
This part created some serious arguments with my \"consultants\" for this fic. It accomplishes what it\'s supposed to, but not quite with the finesse that it was supposed to have.

Next part: UST and sparring, mostly. A lot of conversations.