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And When The Sun Goes Down	By : GhostHelwig Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > General Views: 3352 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Disclaimer � I do not
own or profit from Saiyuki. If I did,
this �fanfic� would actually be canon, and posting it on this site would make
the world implode. Which
it obviously hasn�t done. So
there you go.

Rated
R for slash, and things that haven�t happened yet. Natch.

Again,
with the Gaiden referencing. No �real�
spoilers,
I don�t think, but if you don�t know Gaiden at all, well... Read at your own
discretion, please.

Again, a huge thank
you to my reviewers, flavored heavily with an apology � I got ill, then I got
bogged down at work, and something had to give, whether it be my writing or my
sanity; as I have very little of it left, I chose to save my remaining
sanity. But now I�m back, brain cells more
or less intact (or rather, as intact and functioning as they ever were), and I�m
ready to deliver more of this zany story to you... (Seems I�m not the only one just barely clinging to
sanity, am I, Hakkai? ^_~)

Chapter Summary: In
which Hakkai recovers, Sanzo and Gojyo decide his fate, and Goku gets a break
so he can sit back and enjoy his meatbuns...

Take a cue from Goku
and enjoy, please. Peace, all.

***

And When The Sun Goes Down

Chapter Six: Do You Know Who You Are?

by Ghost Helwig

***

There was a light.
Golden, luminous... for just a moment, Hakkai completely understood
where Goku was coming from, blindly following the only man who�d ever reminded
either of them of the sun...

But he isn�t blind, is
he? He sees Konzen clearer than
anyone...

The thought was gossamer � he couldn�t hold onto it. It drifted away, leaving him in blessed,
silent darkness once more.

***

When Hakkai came to again, the light was gone. Maybe it had never been... After all, with a soul as dark as his, could
he ever be worthy of such a pure, golden glow?

But it didn�t matter now.
All around him was a thick, encompassing darkness; he thought he could
hear, vaguely, the sound of one angry redhead, but he didn�t give it much
thought. Possibly he was hallucinating
Gojyo�s voice as well. He wouldn�t put
it past his brain, not anymore.

Look what I did, on
your orders, you crazy mind of mine. I
killed Sanzo. He saved me. And I killed him. Because you told me to.

He wondered if talking this way about himself meant he was
losing it. He thought maybe it did. He wondered if he should care.

I paid back that
golden light by bathing it in blood.

This world, where Sanzo was dead at his hands... it just
wasn�t worth living in.

So when the darkness came to claim him once again, he
welcomed it with open arms, singing.

***

Smoke. Hakkai could feel his nose wrinkle in
instinctive distaste. There was just
something about that smell... he thought he could even learn to like it
(instead of just patiently tolerating it), and that bothered him too...

�So. You�re awake.�

Was he? Yes, he
supposed that�s what he must be. He must
be awake.

C�mon, Hakkai, let�s
see about opening those eyes, okay?

He cracked one eye open, and when the light (not golden, not brilliant and shining and
blinding, just light; plain, simple - boring) proved painless he opened the
other.

A veritable river of red was before him. He choked.

When the brief coughing fit subsided, his eyes cleared
further. He could see Gojyo sitting not
far from him, looking unnaturally grim, his hair
catching the dim light; shining.

Rain still pounded on the roof. Hakkai wanted to cry.

�I...� His voice was
raspy, as though it was straining from disuse.
Or maybe the unshed tears lodged in his throat were the problem...

Gojyo�s eyes were boring into him. He quieted.

Long moments passed in silence, broken only by the sound of
the rain falling. Finally Gojyo sighed,
ran one hand through his long hair.
�Y�know,� he said conversationally, as though this discussion were of no
more weight than deciding who had to carry the groceries (actually, it sounded
almost as though it were of less
importance, which Hakkai knew was, just had to be, a filthy goddamn lie), �if you really wanted the monk
dead, I can�t say as I blame ya. But
what�d he do? Forget to say �thank you�, like he always
does? Put out his cigarettes on
Hakuryu?�

No, Gojyo, that�s
always you, he thought, and the amusement nearly made him smile-

Until Gojyo�s questions set in. And he couldn�t bear to smile even inside
himself any longer.

What did he do? I�ll tell you what he did. He took advantage of a child, that�s what he did. He raped a baby-

Only he couldn�t say that, if only because the overly
dramatic sentiment of it mortified him.
No one had been raped-

But if you touch Goku,
Sanzo, that�s what it will be-

-no one had even really been hurt-

But he will be, Sanzo, it isn�t right, you have power
over him, don�t abuse that-

-and Gojyo would think him crazy if he said anything along
those lines.

-you
should know better-

-dammit Sanzo-

Though he probably thought he was crazy already. And who knew? Maybe he was.

After all, killing one�s friends, no matter what one of them
had done (or not done, or just wanted to do; so obviously wanted), had to be the
sign of encroaching insanity...

-How could you, Sanzo?
He loves you-

�S... sanzo?� he asked, voice
barely able to go above a whisper. Gojyo
frowned deeply.

The look made Hakkai�s heart break.

-I love you.

A movement in the corner of the room caught his eye, and he
turned his head just in time to see Sanzo come around the bed to stand just
beside the shadows near the door. His
fair hair gleamed brightly, and Hakkai suddenly realized � �you�re right, Goku, he really is like the sun�, an amazed and bemused god
whispered to a thrilled child � Sanzo really was like the sun Goku compared him to. Harsh, constant-

Blinding in his intensity.

And now, with (the sun)
Sanzo staring right at him, overwhelming him, his voice was stolen all over
again.

But that, as it turned out, was alright. Sanzo had enough to say for the both of them.

�I�d ask what the fuck
you were thinking,� he growled, and the unnaturally gravelly tone to his voice
was not lost on Hakkai (I must have hurt
something in his throat, he thought wildly, feeling once again ill), �but
I�m fairly certain you weren�t thinking at all.�

Gojyo shot Sanzo a warning look, but unsurprisingly, Sanzo
(the man who noticed everything � and
bowed down to nothing) blatantly
ignored it.

�Well, Hakkai,�
Sanzo went on when Hakkai stayed silent, �what do you have to say for
yourself?� Then, showing a vicious
shrewdness Hakkai should�ve known to expect of him:

�Or should I call you Gonou
now?�

Hakkai flinched.

�Hey,� Gojyo
began, but Sanzo had already flung open the door and stalked out.

When Gojyo looked back to him, Hakkai floundered, searched
desperately for something to say to ease the panic-induced bile rising in his
throat-

�It�s fine, Gojyo,� he finally
blurted. �Truly. I understand perfectly. After what I � what I did-�

He floundered again, but this time Gojyo took up the
slack. �Yeah, about that,� he said
slowly, �you gonna explain it or what?�

What can I say? What can I possibly say that won�t make you hate me?

�I...� He paused,
licked his lips; tried again.

�I... I can�t say I understand it myself. I know that I... saw Sanzo, with Goku, and...
I suppose I... I suppose I panicked and... and I... I hurt...�

I hurt them.

But he suddenly couldn�t say anymore, couldn�t finish that
damning sentence. And Gojyo was just staring at him, looking at him with
those vivid crimson eyes, eyes that spoke of too young a life spent in too much
pain, seeing too much blood...

�Goku,� Hakkai finally blurted, �did I � is he okay? Is he alright? Did I-� Did I kill him in my haste to save him?

But no � had I done
that, I would not have woken again.

Sanzo would have seen
to it.

�Doc says he�s fine,� Gojyo said, bringing Hakkai�s thoughts
back to him, and out of the horrible darkness of a
world wherein he had been responsible for snuffing out Goku�s own brilliant
light. �Got a pretty bad bump on his
head, and for a few hours there it was kinda touch-and-go, but the kid�s
already up and whining.�

�Wait a minute,� Hakkai said quickly, something strange and
dark and nervous dawning on him, ��for
a few hours�? Exactly how long have I been out, Gojyo?�

And was Gojyo suddenly squirming
� just a little?

�Well,� he drawled, briefly looking anywhere but at Hakkai,
�when Sanzo got up, he was even pissier than normal,
and he had the doc give you something to keep you asleep...� At Hakkai�s slightly alarmed look, Gojyo
hurriedly added, �hey man, it was either drug you, or
kill you. And guess which one monk-boy
favored.�

Staring at Gojyo�s abruptly innocent-seeming face, Hakkai
couldn�t help but think, it might�ve been
better if you�d let him kill me, my friend.
For all of us.

(And he knew Gojyo
knew what he thought, about his own death and his being saved all over again,
because Gojyo always knew and Hakkai was smart enough to know that, and accept
that.)

But who could say that, when confronted with those haunted,
haunting eyes?

�I�m sorry, Gojyo,� he whispered instead. The look he received in return said plainly: d�you really think I�m the one you need to be apologizing to?

But Gojyo didn�t say anything about that. Rather, he smiled a little, his own wry
apology, and muttered, �I�m sorry, too, Hakkai.
Because I have to keep you locked up for now.�

�Oh.� He looked down
in dim surprise, only to find that his hands and legs were indeed bound to the
bed. Funny how he hadn�t noticed that �
but he could hardly blame Sanzo and the others for their caution... �Sanzo�s idea, I suppose?� His tone tried for light-hearted humor, but
he was afraid he probably just sounded tired.

Gojyo didn�t seem to notice.
�No,� he said finally, still staring straight at Hakkai when he
elaborated.

�Mine.�

And that, well... that made sense, too.

And as Gojyo made some excuse and left the room, Hakkai was
left to wonder just how many more things he had ruined with his most recent �
and damning - bout of insanity.

***

�He�s losing his goddamned mind.�

Sanzo took a deep drag off his cigarette, and Gojyo, showing
more sensitivity to Sanzo�s hair-trigger temper and swinging moods than ever
before, politely ignored the coughing fit that ensued. (Even though what he wanted to do was say oh-so-sweetly, �you might want to lay off the cigs while your throat is healing, cherry-chan� � but who wanted to get shot point-blank range by
an irate monk over a few lousy cigarettes?
Let the man hack up a lung; it might teach him something.) When Sanzo had recovered, and was casually
flicking ash off the end of his cigarette, Gojyo finally spoke.

�He seemed coherent enough when he was talking to me,� he
said carefully. Sanzo sneered.

�So Mr. Mono-Syllable didn�t fly off the handle and try to
kill you? How lucky
for you.�

�Listen to me,�
Gojyo snarled, his own temper flaring in the way only Sanzo�s attitude could
ever bring about, �until we know exactly why he did what he did, we can�t
just-�

�It�s the Minus Wave.�

Gojyo blanched. Sanzo
just shook his head, blond hair shading his eyes.

�It... it can�t
be,� Gojyo finally said, voice hoarse and strained and openly horrified (terrified). �He can�t have
just... Goku and I haven�t...�

�You�re not a full youkai,� Sanzo pointed out. He stubbed his cigarette out roughly,
practically smashing the end into the ashtray.
�And Goku isn�t really a youkai at all, is he?�

At another time, Gojyo would have asked, so what is he then?, or maybe simply joked, yeah, the monkey is just a stupid monkey. But now was neither of those times. He felt no desire to joke, and no need to ask
silly questions he didn�t have the energy to spare worry for the answers
to. He had, quite frankly, more
important things to fret about. For
instance-

�You can�t kill him,� he blurted, glaring hard at the hidden
eyes of his companion � who he knew could
kill him, because he would and Hakkai would let him, and moreover despite what
he himself might say they all knew Sanzo was the leader here, the power � and wishing Sanzo would look up,
so Gojyo could see him, and judge the truth for himself before Sanzo spoke and
covered the truth with his pride...

�I won�t kill him,� came the quiet
response. And Sanzo did look up then, a wounded something
shining in his eyes for just a moment, just a split-second before it disappeared.
Gojyo was struck utterly dumb, his opinion of Sanzo as someone hard and
cold and who felt nothing struggling
to remain aloft, so that he heard Sanzo�s next soft (but still rough and hard
and ice-cold) words as if from far
away.

�But he stays locked up until we�re back on the road. And if he tries anything like this again, or even twitches in a way I don�t like, I�ll shoot him. And you better not whine to me afterwards.�

�Yes, Sanzo-sama,� he said, because the sarcasm was expected of
him, just as the callousness was expected of Sanzo (we all have our roles to play, don�t we? And it seems Hakkai is trying to return to
his role of psychotic mass murderer. But
where is the revenge here?).

He heard Sanzo mutter something under his breath, and it
wasn�t until Sanzo stood up from the small table that Gojyo registered his
words.

�Fool me once...�
Sanzo had whispered. Aloud, Gojyo
finished the phrase for him.

�...shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.�

He thought he saw the barest hint of a smile grace Sanzo�s
lips before he turned away.

--End Chapter Six--
- 5
- 6
- 7
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And When The Sun Goes Down