Gold & Guns

AN: OK ... so I did something different for this chapter... its in two parts, and damn did I SPOIL you... don't expect it this long again. :)

Woohoo, two fic updates/postings in one day, epic right? The other one (which i will now shamelessly pimp out) is the prolouge to my new novel length fic which all of my lovely stalkers voted for the name of. It is called End Transmission.

Suggested Listening: Stay by Safetysuit; Let Me Down by Dead by Sunrise

Part 6

~Let me...Stay~

Mello had gotten Matt to come back with him, seating himself on the back of his motorbike, rather than following him like Matt had initially wanted; Mello knew that Matt would have simply driven off rather than come with him.

As he sped through the oddly busy streets he forced himself to concentrate on the road rather than the burning feeling in the pit of his gut as Matt's arms wrapped even tighter around him to hold on. Matt was doing things to him that he hadn't expected... and it made Mello uneasy. But for the moment, all that mattered was that Matt had at least given him a chance; a chance that Mello knew he scarcely deserved, but one that he would take.

When they pulled up to the apartment he heard Matt snort softly, and though Mello probably shouldn't have been irritated, he was. He didn't stay at the apartment all that much, so he had no need of renting a luxurious one when he couldn't enjoy it.

The building itself was well worn, bricks cracked and chunks falling to the ground, locks broken, windows hastily patched with tape and noisy air conditioners rather than the modern apartments central air. The place was an absolute shit-hole, but it was home for the times he decided to actually go back.

He pocketed the keys and led the way up the well rusted stairs to his apartment on the second floor, and didn't pull them back out; instead simply turning the lock on the door and pushing into it heavily. It lurched and for a moment Mello thought he might have to do it again before the heavy, broken locked, door swung inward nearly causing him to stumble.

It was always an interesting event to get into his apartment. And as he flicked on the lights he vaguely noted that one of the hallway bulbs had gone out again but didn't give it much more than a passing thought as Matt passed by him to seat himself on the nearest piece of furniture; which happened to be a couch with more tears in it than stripes.

None of his possessions had been stolen, and Mello had expected as much. Despite the neighborhood, everyone pretty much left one another alone.

He watched as Matt pulled out his game and began to play it on silent. Mello seated himself across from Matt, on a well worn arm chair where the exposed springs poked into his legs, and uneasily snapped off a piece of chocolate and the sound seemed to echo in the silence. And yet at the sound Matt had relaxed slightly, perhaps because it was a familiar sound. One he had once grown accustomed to so long ago.

"What did you do once you left?" he knew there was no need to elaborate, as Matt would know he had meant Wammys. But all he received was a small shrug.

"I went a lot of places. Nothing of any real interest." Matt mumbled quietly, voice emotionless and detached sounding, and it was a warning sign to Mello, more so that his standoffish behavior at the club had been.

There was a flatness in Matt tone, one that spoke of a blatant unwillingness to express any of what he was feeling, or anything that might force him to react strongly. And Mello was at odds as to how to deal with it as it had never before been a problem where Matt was concerned.

"Can I smoke in here?" Matt asked, though he had already pulled one out and placed it between his lips. Mello didn't feel the need to answer as he knew Matt would simply light it anyway, or at least he assumed he would. This Matt... was different from the one he had known.

He knew that it had to have started after he had left Wammys to chase Kira. "When did you leave Wammys?" he asked as casually as possible, and when Matt muttered 'not too long before I turned fifteen' Mello was certain that his departure had been the start of everything. He winced; he honestly hadn't meant to hurt his friend, but where he was going, and had gone, was not something he had wanted Matt in the middle of.

Though he was hardly better off now anyway.

"What happed when you left?" it was similar to his first question and went as unanswered as it as well with Matt simply smoking away on his now lit cancer stick. Mello narrowed his eyes. He wasn't going to get any answers like this...

He ground his teeth together and focused on his chocolate. "I'm sorry I left you there." and really... he was. He had really missed Matt. He could have used his company... and with how Matt had ended up… maybe it would have been better for both of them had he taken him along.

"It's lonely there in the mafia... with only the over makeuped whores and the small brained muscle that infests it.." he trailed off, not quite knowing how to continue. He noted that Matt had glanced at him, and knew he needed to say something, anything, more.

"I.." he trailed off before nearly crushing the chocolate in his grasp. "I missed my friend." he said, and it was as good as saying 'I missed you' though he couldn't get the last word to form. Matt had completely frozen, thumbs merely hovering over the game buttons and the cigarette practically dangling from his lips; Matt looked away from him, avoiding his gaze completely.

He stayed silent for so damn long afterwards that Mello was certain he wouldn't speak again, so his attention was immediately stolen as Matt's voice came out just above a whisper. "I lived on the streets for a while..."

Mello noted how his gloved hands were now clenched around the gaming device and understood why as the redhead continued on, voice steady and detached.

He crushed the chocolate in his fist; Matt had gotten into far worse shit than he had, and if Mello had known how things would have played out he would have taken Matt along when he left Wammys.

He felt an unfamiliar pang in his chest, one he had so long ago associated with guilt. He regretted it... but he knew Matt wouldn't appreciate it so he didn't say anything and simply watched as Matt's fingers robotically clicked on the buttons though he doubted anything was happening on screen. Nothing good at the least.

The apartment was silent and Mello didn't know how to break it. Didn't know how to talk to anyone anymore, Matt especially. His decision was taken from him as Matt finished his cigarette and stood, game hesitantly being pocketed.

"I need to get going. I'll take a cab and get my car tomorrow..." Matt trailed off and awkwardly started for the door. Mello was stuck. Everything would be odd and awkward if he said anything more now, but if he didn't he somehow knew he would never see his friend again. And Mello wasn't sure he could live with that anymore.

Mello stood up and grabbed Matt's arm gently, the word 'stay' on his lips before he had even registered a single thought.

... (it wont let me use my divider!)...

Matt honestly had no idea what the hell had prompted him to agree to go back with Mello... there was no rational explanation. Nothing at all that would help him understand why his arms were suddenly wrapped around the blonde's waist as they raced down the nighttime streets towards Mello's place.

Perhaps he was simply too tired from work to be thinking properly... though he knew that wasn't the case. It was too easy an explanation to have been accurate. But still, he clung tighter to the blonde as they dodged cars and turned corners though there was no need to be so close.

Close enough to smell the rich scent of leather and gunpowder and something that was purely Mello. No reason at all.

It was a bad idea, leaving with Mello, a horrible one even. But Mello was... Mello was back... and damn if it didn't make him ache at the thought of him leaving again... he couldn't understand it and it had him on edge; enough so that he actually let out a small snort of dark amusement when he saw where Mello lived.

His own place was, while not in a nice neighborhood, better than this. But still, as if being pulled along by invisible strings, he followed the blonde inside the crumbling building. He watched as Mello shoved himself against the door instead of using the lock and wondered how the hell he could live in such conditions and not be paranoid as fuck. The-door-did-not-have-a-lock.

He almost reached out to steady Mello as the door swung inward almost taking Mello with it, but held himself still as he stepped inside. He didn't bother himself with being surprised at the state of the rest of the place, the broken and old furniture as well as burnt out bulbs. Mello probably spent all of his money on his leather.

He seated himself on the couch and pulled out his game; though he couldn't concentrate on it in the least. It was so silent that it was almost oppressive and made him feel queasy. Why the hell had he agreed to come...

"What did you do once you left?" Mello eventually questioned him and Matt knew he had been an idiot to believe that Mello might have dropped the subject. Mello had never been like that, and Matt should have known from the mention of the mafia that he wouldn't have now either. But it didn't mean he had to answer him, so he merely shrugged a shoulder in response and muttered 'I went a lot of places. Nothing of any real interest.' though he doubted Mello believed it.

Matt didn't even believe it... "Can I smoke in here?" he asked as he numbly shoved one in his mouth. Cigarettes had become somewhat of a crutch for him... a stress reliever, and damn if Mello didn't create stress...

Matt winced as Mello asked him when he had left Wammys. There was no real reason for him not to answer... "Not too long before I turned fifteen." and he hated the flashes of memories that fluttered right beneath the surface, ones that he didn't want to think about anymore, not ever.

Matt ignored the next question, it being similar to the very first one. He took a long drag of the cigarette and wondered what Mello's aim was.. what could he possible get out of asking him those things-

"I'm sorry I left you there." Mello told him, in a slightly chipped tone, an uncomfortable tone. Matt found himself unable to tear his gaze from the blonde before him.

"It's lonely there in the mafia... with only the over makeuped whores and the small brained muscle that infests it." Mello trailed off for a moment and Matt could hardly believe what he was hearing. Why was Mello telling him this...?

"I.." Mello hesitated and it made Matt really look at him. The chocolate bar in his grasp was nearly crushed and his posture was all too tense. Whatever it was... it was hard for Mello to say.

"I missed my friend." he said finally and Matt could hardly breathe. Mello had... Mello had missed him? He couldn't move, fingers stuck above the buttons as though he were a statue. He wanted to scream at the blonde, 'then why did you leave me?', but that reaction was short lived and he had to turn his away from Mello's penetrating gaze.

Mello had been his friend once... his only friend. And some part of Matt still wanted to tell him what he swore he would never tell another soul...

"I lived on the streets for a while..." he forced the words from his lips and it took an effort to keep going from there. He didn't once look at Mello, didn't want to see his expression as Matt admitted to everything that had lead to him being at the club.

Matt felt that in some way, despite having previously banished the blonde terror from his thoughts, that he had let Mello down... that Mello had to feel, at least a little, disgusted by him for what he had done to survive despite Mello himself being in the mafia; which was no way to stay a saint. Matt knew that Mello wouldn't have fucked his way through the ranks to whatever his current position was.

That Mello had too much pride to use his body in such a way; he would have wanted to prove himself using only his intelligence and only his intelligence. He would want to lord it over them in the way he never got to with Near, because everything came back to the blonde's inferiority complex and his inability to suppress his raging emotions when it was truly needed.

At least the Mello he knew would have...

Matt forced his fingers to start working, to start randomly clicking buttons. He didn't like being unsettled, and liked even less appearing so. Even after all the years that had passed, Mello really was the only one who could affect him so much.

He resisted the urge to hang his head in shame, and instead stood. He had to leave, and told Mello as such. Though it was simply because he couldn't stand to be in the blonde's presence anymore... because he didn't want to see what was in Mello's eyes...

And Mello hadn't said a damn word so he knew he was making the right choice. He wouldn't leave the club, but he would warn the manager of what to expect. So perhaps he wouldn't 'be' there anymore should Mello come looking for him.

He had only managed a few heavy footed steps towards the door when Mello's hand carefully took hold of his arm, startling him into staying still. "Stay."

His heart pounded in his ears and his breath caught in his chest, cigarette falling to the floor. Mello had asked, despite the lack of question in his voice, and despite everything, or maybe because of it... Matt just simply couldn't tell him no.

-End Let me... Stay-

AN: W00t another chapter bites the dust. So how was it? *peaks out from under desk*

Not too unbelievable I hope? I needed to get Matt's pov in here or I wouldn't be able to get the progression of the fic the way I wanted... though I am still debating as to where the next chapter will take place...