Confessions & Cigarettes

Ryuichi didn't return with him to the hotel room, nor did he show up later on. Hiro spent half the night waiting, smoking through half a pack before giving up and going to bed. When he got up, Ryuichi's guitar case was gone and the clothes he had on yesterday were tossed carelessly over the back of a chair. Hiro frowned at the crumpled shirt and wrinkled jeans, and grumbled his way through his morning routine. He had wanted to talk but the singer avoided it masterfully.

He was still grumbling a little when he finally made it to the studio, where Shuichi pounced on him and dragged him over to Suguru, who looked as tired as Hiro felt. Raising both eyebrows, Hiro glanced at Shuichi, saw the worry and sighed to himself. With everything that was happening in his own life, he hadn't been paying attention to his friends.

"You know you two do not have to hover over me every day," Suguru snapped and crossed his arms over his chest. "I can take care of myself."

Hiro scratched the back of his neck and smiled. Well, it looked like he had to be direct to figure out what was wrong with the keyboardist. "Hey, we're only worried about you. You look like you were up all night."

Suguru just eyed him while Shuichi tugged on Hiro's arm but showed masterful restraint by not talking right away. "I am not the only person who looks like he was up all night."

Hiro frowned back. "I've been rooming with Sakuma-san. What's your excuse, Suguru?"

"Still?! But I thought that Sakuma-san was staying with the rest of Grasper!" Shuichi said, tugging harder on his sleeve. "What's it like? Is he coloring the walls?"

"He's Sakuma-san," Hiro replied, not taking his eyes off of Suguru. "Well, Suguru?"

The younger man huffed and muttered something under his breath, looking down at his synthesizer and fiddling with the buttons on his jacket. Hiro sighed and leaned forward a little. "C'mon, we can't work together if there's a big problem bothering you, right? And we all would like to show the old-timers that we can match them beat for beat."

"There's this girl. . ." Suguru said softly, not looking up. Pink stained his cheeks as he cleared his throat and tapped out a rhythm on the keyboard. "And we went to a karaoke bar. . ."

"You're dating someone?! How come you didn't tell me?! Huh? Huh?"

Shuichi exploded from Hiro's side, leaping over the keyboard to grab Suguru into a hug. The keyboardist screamed and wiggled free, holding the singer off with one hand while trying to steady his synthesizer set-up with his other hand. Hiro shook his head and grabbed at the synthesizer too, making sure that the expensive piece of equipment didn't get turned into scrap plastics and wires.

"I am not dating anyone! Get off of me! Shuichi, we need to finish the last two songs today!"

"Is she cute? Sweet? Did you meet because of your uncle or was it love at first sight? You can tell me!"

There was a soft click, and having grown use to the sound, Hiro instinctively ducked. His other two bandmates didn't notice the sound and were caught flatfooted as the room was peppered with bullets. Looking up from his prone position, Hiro watched their manager blow on the barrel of his gun and holster it.

"All right, everyone, listen up!" K said, hands on his hips. "When we are here, we are to talk about music first! Save the gossip for your breaks!"

"But. . ."

"There are no 'buts' in here!"

Hiro rubbed his ear and went over to his guitar stand. It sounded like K was in top form today and he did not want to get shot at again. Not that the American would actually injure them, but they always ended up paying for the damages he did to the studios. That was one of the things Hiro never understood about K's contract. Shouldn't K be the one paying for the damages?

"You heard K-san," Suguru said, tugging free of Shuichi's grip and straightening his collar. "Let us get to work and then I shall tell you."

"Fine! But you are getting the third degree when we're done!"

Shuichi stomped over to the mic stand and glared at it. Hiro released his breath and checked to make sure his guitar was in tune. It helped in focusing on music instead of thinking of his own questions concerning a certain singer. Although, the way K kept on looking at him made Hiro wonder who knew about Ryuichi's hidden sides. Would his former manager know? After all, he left for America a year after Hikari was born, right? How did someone so famous keep something that big from the news?

They attacked the music under K's watchful eyes, first playing the set they had already made and then expanding with their new set. Suguru had a couple new mixes to try and so they went over that as well. Shuichi had a new tangent with lyrics that they had to spend an hour on, and then - the memory of Ryuichi attacking his guitar strings in the hotel room fresh in his mind - Hiro switched to his Hellraiser to give the remix an extra edge. A few more tweaks, and suddenly they had a sound that would work in front of an international crowd - or so K said.

All Hiro knew was that he was tired, and not just from reworking music in his head. Even Shuichi wasn't so bouncy, his hair a sweaty mop around his face. Suguru also look beyond beat, the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced and his hands shaking. K took one look at them and snorted, shaking his head slowly.

"I guess you want to go on a break," he said and then made shooing motions. "Get back here in a half hour to finish!"

"Really?"

His gun was out and pointed at Shuichi's nose. "Did I stutter?"

"Okay! Okay!" Shuichi flailed and fell back on to Suguru, who rolled his eyes and pushed the singer back to his feet. "Hey guys, let's get something from the cafe!"

"No can do," K said in English. "Hiro has other plans."

The three of them stopped moving. Hiro sucked in his breath, setting his guitar down in its stand and looked over at the American. Sometimes, K would pull some weird stunt that would have the band member posing in ridiculous costumes or ending up on unrelated game shows or - in the case of one memorable time - have them sitting on top of a newsstand posing for a camera crew. But this time, there was no sign of K having anything like that in mind.

"Just Hiro?"

"It's nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about!"

"Huh? But why just Hiro?"

"It's fine, Shuichi," Hiro said, standing up and stretching. "I think I know what this is all about."

K looked at him, his blue eyes as direct as a bullet. Hiro matched his look, taking the length of his hair up into a knot and securing it at the back of his neck. The manager nodded once and then turned his attention to the other two members of Bad Luck. "Alright, make it an hour!"

"Well, if you're sure it'll be okay. . ." Shuichi said, looking from Hiro to K and back again. Whatever he saw on their faces seemed to calm him down enough to grab on to Suguru and drag him towards the door. "Then Suguru and I are gonna talk about our lovers while you're doing stuff without us!"

"What? Don't I get a say in this? Let go of me!"

With Suguru protesting wildly, Shuichi gave the two of them a wave and dragged the keyboardist out the door. Hiro stood where he was for a full minute, imagining the way the two would bicker and argue until they got to the elevators and then calm down enough to start rating their performances during their last recording session. Usually Hiro would be the quiet one during those discussions, standing in the back of the elevator watching the lights and letting them talk around him. He rarely said anything about it until they had calmed down enough to really listen. Sometimes it took a couple hours, and sometimes it took a few minutes, but once Shuichi and Suguru wound down, he would tell them what he thought and what sounded like needed fixing.

And then they would go back the next day to fix it. Strange, but ever since that day when Shuichi stepped on stage to hum his way past Ryuichi, they had started to act like a real band. It didn't mean they had grown out of the strange incidents that followed them like a plague. It just meant that they had finally become professionals. And yet. . .

"Did you see Ryuichi's movie?"

Hiro shook his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I wasn't in the mood for movies at the time, and after, I just sort of didn't feel like it."

"Romances are hard to watch if you're alone," K replied and checked his watch. Smiling, he threw open the door. "Okay! Let's go!"

"What's this about anyway?" Hiro asked, following the taller man.

"A little bird told me that Ryuichi took you to meet Hikari."

Hiro stopped and stared at K. "And you're going to tell me to be quiet about her?"

"Oh, no," the American said in English. Switching in Japanese, he added, "It makes me wonder what else you know about him."

"Nothing." Hiro grounded out the word between his teeth. He wanted to know more, of course, but so far he hadn't been given straight answers. He hadn't had the chance to ask the questions inside his head.

"Nothing? But you do want to know."

"I want to hear it from him, not hear it second hand."

K smiled, and led him into the elevator, hitting the button for the top floor. The Nittle Grasper floor, as the rest of the company liked to call it. Hiro and the rest of Bad Luck had been up there, usually led into Tohma's office and scolded over what new weird escapade they had somehow managed to get into. Hiro hadn't been to the rest of that floor, but he heard that there was several offices, a couple board rooms, and a studio reserved just for Grasper.

Hiro looked over to the blond, trying to figure out exactly what was going on in K's mind. But that was like trying to read a book that was translated from Finnish to Spanish to Japanese by a team of trained monkeys. All he knew was that K had something planned and that it had to do with Ryuichi.

The door slid open and K marched down the hall, whistling. Hiro followed, keeping an eye out for Tohma or Sakano. As usual, the hall was quiet with only a few people sitting at small desks answers phones and typing away on sleek computers. The doors to Tohma's office were open, but a glance inside told him that the boss was not in and that he hadn't been in for a while if judging by the amount of paperwork sitting on top of his desk. K continued past the last small office, through a set of double doors and down a hall that was dimly lit and sparsely decorated.

The hall ended in another set of doors. K took out a key and unlocked them, turning slightly and pressing his index finger against his lips. Hiro swallowed the question he wanted to say and quietly followed the American inside.

It was a studio almost like the one he had left a few minutes ago. They stepped into the control booth, where a cluster of debris laid - a compact and tube of lipstick, crumpled pocky boxes and a carton of strawberry milk, a black bowler hat sitting on top of a pink rabbit. The mixing board was lit up, a light blinking record dead center while other lights flickered and danced. Hiro looked through the large window into the recording room and saw Nittle Grasper.

This wasn't the band the public saw, standing on stage and decked out in brilliant stage clothing. They were sitting together on a long piano bench, Ryuichi and Noriko sharing a microphone while Tohma mouthed the words. Tohma was in his shirt sleeves, tendons standing out on his arms as he played the piano and swayed with the music, eyes half closed. Music was pumping from the speakers, a raw guitar track and layers of sound, the piano and the voices blending in with what they had already done.

A studio was like a musician's underpants – each one different depending on who lived in it. While Bad Luck shared a studio with others and so had to keep it somewhat clean, Nittle Grasper didn't. Hiro tore his eyes away from the three musicians and looked at the studio, seeing personality everywhere. A computer screen flickered in its corner across from a baby grand piano, and there were wires and cords snaking over the floor plugged into a drum machine, several different synthesizers, and Ryuichi's guitar. There were water bottles and cans sitting open on speaker sets, an ashtray balancing on top of a stack of notebooks, and a suit jacket tossed over an upright bass. One wall had a low sofa shoved against it, the layers of blankets and pillows told him that it wasn't the first time they spent a night there.

K took a seat in one of the chairs after first moving an empty snack bag, and leaned back. Hiro looked at him for a moment and then cleaned off another chair and sat down as well. He watched them as they played and then sighed and leaned back.

"So, what are you trying to show me?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Hiro looked at Grasper, noticing that Ryuichi and Noriko had stopped singing. They were leaning against Tohma, arms wrapped over his shoulders and touching each other, the three of them linked in a way that looked more than just physical.

"That they're close?"

"They're family. Do you know what that means?"

"There are no secrets between them?"

"Exactly!"

Hiro sighed and rubbed his eyes. Inside the studio, Grasper had finished up the song and was talking, Ryuichi pulling away from the other two in order to fetch a notebook and the ashtray. Tohma frowned at it but he did nothing except to take the notebook and flip through the pages while Ryuichi lit up. Noriko stole the cigarette after he got one puff and took a drag.

"But just because there are no secrets does not mean they don't keep things from each other," K said. "They grew up together, they know each other inside and out, but they are not perfect and they do not react well when things change on them."

"I know that."

"But are you ready to let all three of them into your life?"

Inside the studio, Noriko and Ryuichi were engaged in a wrestling match over the cigarette. Tohma watched them with a bemused smile, the notebook open and resting on his lap. Hiro shook his head and stood up, heading for the door.

"You're not going to stay?"

Hiro shrugged. "I think I'll just get something to eat and get back to work. We can't slack off just because it's the last day of preparations."

"Suit yourself."

Hiro stepped outside and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He wasn't sure why K had to point out something he had already guessed, but he understood the point. Getting involved in Ryuichi's life meant he would get involved with all of his sides from the old rocker that enjoyed strumming a guitar to the child-like star that tried making everyone smile to the superstar on stage. K was only trying to get him to back away before something really started between them. Unfortunately, Hiro knew it was too late.

Ryuichi had gotten too far under his skin for that.