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Gone Forever	By : Nayru774 Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3479 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own D.Gray-man, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Warnings: More serious Yullen talk, some AreKan action (though I still think this qualifies as Yullen, mentally-wise), a lemon.

~Gone Forever~

Chapter 06: We're in this together now

Allen sighed. This was no use, was it? Once Kanda made his mind up about something, he wouldn't submit to anyone, no matter what happened. They would regret this, both of them, he just knew it − and yet, there was just something alluring in the whole situation, as awkward as it was. And even though he failed to understand the reasoning behind it and was outright confused... Somehow, he wasn't stopping himself either, was he?

The boy leaned closer, getting a better look at the man before him. The other's gaze was as sharp and flawless as ever; there was not a glimpse of hesitation in his stare. By now Allen knew that Kanda was really intent on this.

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know." He still couldn't help himself but comment, although he knew that the remark would be anything but a discouragement for the dark-haired Exorcist.

Allen's hand finally advanced further, pulling along on the tight fabric of Kanda's shirt, reavealing even more of his skin. The man didn't seem to be affected by either.

"Who was the cat, I wonder."

Suit yourself...

The next moment, Allen was tugging on the man's collar, looking in his eyes with an expression Kanda couldn't name, but he didn't take long to get the idea.

Shifting himself up, he enabled the boy to take his shirt off completely.

It wasn't the first time Allen saw him like this, but it was the first time he paid any real attention to it. Well, in that kind of way, at least.

Yeah, talk about being well-built... The boy thought to himself in slight admiration, as his gaze fell to the man's left side of the chest the moment the shirt was gone. Curiously, he observed the extensive black pattern that was staining the other's skin. It looked almost like a tatoo, but Allen already had reasons to believe it was anything but a normal one.

"Hey... It's gotten even bigger than it was on the Ark, hasn't it?" Was the immediate thought. "Mind finally telling me what it is?"

"Nothing you should be concerned about." Kanda answered angrily, giving the other a cold look. As if it was the wrong thing to ask.

Allen frowned, their gazes connected, and the boy figured it must have really been some sensitive subject if Kanda reacted that way whenever he asked about the mysterious mark on his chest. Saying that the thing didn't make him a bit worried would be a lie, but the boy knew well enough how it was like to have secrets that people around him would be better off without. He shouldn't really blame him. It wasn't like Kanda was the type who would talk about his personal matters in the first place.

And yet, he had no idea why, but the answer − or rather the lack thereof − made him outright disappointed.

"Fine." Allen pouted in resignation, trying to look irritated. Then he reached to the other's chest, pressing his fingers to the tatoo in a curious manner.

To the boy's surprise, Kanda twitched under the contact.

"Um..." The younger Exorcist blinked, slightly taken aback by the reaction. "Does it hurt?"

Kanda gritted his teeth in annoyance, not answering. Soon, he lifted his own hand and brought it to the white-haired's left cheek, pressing his thumb to the red scar under Allen's eye, tightly. Sliding his finger down, he travelled the whole way to the chin.

Not really affected by the gesture, the boy only stared at him, puzzled.

"Yours doesn't, apparently." Kanda stated bluntly.

"...Mine?" Allen asked, looking at his partner the whole time. It didn't take long for him to realize what Kanda might have meant by that. "It's a curse?"

No answer.

"Kanda?"

The dark-haired sighed, feeling that the subject would never drop if he didn't give a proper answer now. "...Somewhat."

Allen's eyes widened. Whoa, was Kanda for real? Who would have thought... Wait, so when they met for the first time, and he claimed he wouldn't shake hands with someone who's cursed, he... What the hell was that all about?

The boy wanted to ask, but he knew they would probably just start jumping down to their throats again if he did, so he decided to save it for later. The realization that he wasn't the only cursed Exorcist around was enough for now. That, and the knowledge of him and Kanda finally having something in common.

But he was still curious about the matter itself. "W-What does it do?"

Kanda let out an irritated growl. "Would you stop with the stupid questions already?"

Allen's eyes narrowed. He should have known better this wouldn't go the way he wanted it to. With Kanda, it never did. And maybe he would push the wrong buttons with this, but he wasn't intending to give up just yet.

It's not like he wanted to be mean, especially if it involved a weakness from Kanda's side, but if words weren't doing the trick, maybe something else would. And Allen sure as hell knew how to make things work to his advantage. Most of the time, at least.

And so, he pressed his fingers to the other man's chest even harder.

"Che!" Kanda hissed under the pressure, abruptly catching the boy's hand with his own. Shit, it's gotten even more sensitive than it was... "Stop that." He demanded.

"Not until you tell me." Allen started to struggle, trying to get his hand free.

"Shit, Moyashi." The dark-haired growled, irritated, not letting go. "You didn't come here to chit-chat with me, did you?"

"Shit, baKanda." The boy mimicked the other's speech, annoyance also getting the better of him. "Is it that hard to answer a simple question? You're so stiff the whole damn time, honestly."

"And you're so annoying!" The other backfired, then tried to shrug it off. "Why should you even care?"

"You're my comrade!" Allen replied as if it was the most obvious thing to say. "Why shouldn't I care?"

"You're really starting to piss me off!" Kanda raised his voice suddenly, his gaze darkening in a dangerous manner. The boy could only wonder whether he said something wrong? "Just drop the subject, will you."

Allen sighed in defeat, closing his eyes. This was really no use...

Seriousness was back in his features, as soon as he opened his eyes again. After a moment of silence, the boy pulled his hand from the black pattern away, trailing down to the other's waist. The cloth-belt went next, and by the time it was gone, Allen realized that the hardest parts were right before him.

In addition, the lack of reaction from Kanda's side wasn't making things any easier.

"...You really sure?" The boy whisperred suddenly; a complete change of attitude from his side.

And the question pulled the last straw.

Because Kanda simply lost it.

"No, I'm not sure!" He shouted suddenly, and before Allen knew it, he was the one pressed with his back against the bed, not the other way around. "Jesus Christ, what the hell is there to hesitate about so much?"

Either he wanted to or not, what was there more to think about? Did he really need a reason? What, was the sprout worried about all that emotional crap? Did he even care? After what that idiot pulled through in the first place, Kanda really doubted that was the thing that was still stopping him right now.

Don't you want your payback, you moron?

The boy didn't dare to move, dumbfounded from the sudden outburst, observing the pretty much infuriated Exorcist in silence. And as Kanda leaned closer, lifting his legs and pressing against him, Allen yelped, automatically placing both of his hands on top of his mouth, feeling the sudden rush of blood in his cheeks. As if that would prevent the dark-haired from noticing...

Here he was, suddenly feeling all fragile under the other man, staring at him wide-eyed, not knowing what to do. It almost reminded him of the thing earlier, only that Kanda was... theoretically uncounscious back then. Now he was well aware of what was happening, and of what he was doing.

For whatever reason, that thought alone made Allen nervous.

"It's not like it means anything." Kanda continued a bit more calmly now, still staring at him, apparently oblivious to anything that was currently going on in the white-haired's head.

'Not like it means anything' my ass! Allen thought to himself in horror. You have no idea what you're talking about, do you...?

He also thought it wouldn't mean anything. That it was simply something he needed to do in order to help a comrade. That it was something he could easily deal with. That it was no big deal. That it was nothing.

And what did he end up with?

Restless nights, uneasy thoughts and a huge lack of apetite. Maybe he was an idiot for getting all emotional about it, but it was the truth. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, the thing that happened between him and Kanda the other day really got to him, and he didn't know what to do with it. He kept telling himself it didn't matter, but in reality he was just trying to fool himself, wasn't he?

One more look in those black orbs, and something went painfully wrong.

Dear God, I... I'm not becoming attracted to him... A-Am I...?

"O-Okay..." Shoving the sudden thought aside as fast as possible, the white-haired boy finally found the courage to react. He really needed to get ahold of himself. "Let me."

Kanda kept staring at him with his frowned expresion, as if the words never left his lips. Then he suddenly leaned forward.

"You know..." Allen shivered, as the older man whispered against his ear. "I think I've just changed my mind."

The younger Exorcist didn't need to contemplate on what Kanda could have meant by that, as he suddenly felt something wet and warm against his ear, along with a hand under his shirt, and−

"K-Kan..." Allen muttered shakily. He had no idea if the dark-haired was doing this simply to make him fight back, or if he was serious, but... He figured that he wouldn't mind, either way, and... God, what the hell, I... "S-Stop... I told you, I..."

"You what?" Kanda deadpanned, apparently trying to tease him.

The boy caught his breath, eyes widening in shock, as he felt the other man's hand slide under his pants daringly. And his mind went hazy all of a sudden...

"Ah..." A silent whimper escaped Allen's lips, as the older Exorcist continued with his intentions. Oh, hell... Things can't go on like this...

Mustering up the strength, the boy caught the other's hand in an attempt to stop it, and flipped them both over again. Kanda probably let him do so, otherwise it wouldn't go this easy. Now he was back where he originally was - cloudy eyes, ragged breathing and the huge blush on his face aside.

The dark-haired raised an eyebrow, giving a conteptuous look. "You sure seemed to have enjoyed that."

"S-Shut up..." The boy wheezed, annoyed. It really pissed the living shit out of him that Kanda could stay so calm like this while he was tearing his guts out to try and stay calm. Failing.

And if provoking him this way was so fun, then Kanda could suit himself. Allen wasn't going to ask anymore.

"Moyashi." The older man's sudden, dead-serious voice rung in his ears, making him stop in his attempt at getting rid of Kanda's pants. "...Just don't let this get to your head."

Allen didn't look at him, well aware what Kanda meant by those words.

He didn't want to get involved with anyone. It was just something physical, and the moment Allen showed any signs that things were going beyond that, it would be 'game over' for him. He knew that. Fuck, he knew...

First you do that and now you tell me this? I honestly don't follow your logic... Don't you think it's a bit too late for that now, Kanda?

"I know." The boy stated bluntly, trying to sound as obvious as possible, continuing where he left off.

Shit, he didn't care anymore. Not when he melted with Kanda's lips again, not when the man pulled on the ribbon around his neck and brought it loose, not when his shirt was suddenly left all unbuttoned. Not when lust was getting the better of him like this. Kanda's mouth was hot, his breath was so hot, and his neck was...

"Leave a mark and I'll kill you." The older Exorcist grunted dangerously, warning Allen before he got too carried away with his manifestations.

"Hnn." The white-haired purred in a teasing manner. "Scared someone might find out?"

What the fuck... There was that unnerving attitude of Walker's again, and Kanda was simply left dumbfounded whenever he heard remarks such as these, coming from the boy. It was as if the bastard had some kind of split personality − one he didn't know what he could expect from. "I'm warning you."

But Allen didn't take the threat to heart, apparently. Kanda cursed under his breath, as he felt the other's lips nip at his skin, and it was a matter of seconds before the he yanked the boy away, gripping tight the collar of the other's opened shirt.

A furious look met Allen's, before if fell to his (now exposed) neck. And the boy could swear he saw a glimpse of guilt in Kanda eyes, as he noticed the yet unrecovered bite-marks that were still there. He could really swear...

"Served you right, you ass." The older man remarked, although there was no real malice present in his voice.

You're horrible... Allen frowned, suddenly feeling angered and somehow saddened by the words. After all that he went through, he didn't even get a stupid 'thanks' for his efforts, no nothing. Kanda could at least try to be a bit more considerate of his intentions. "Yeah, you're welcome."

"Che." The man kept staring at him, as he pulled on the boy's shirt, getting rid of it as well. Then there was a moment of hesitation. "...What else did I do?"

But if Kanda was suddenly starting to try and show concern, he could spare himself the effort, really. Allen wasn't in the mood anymore. "Oh, nothing. Aside from fucking me senseless."

"Wha−" The man's eyes widened in disbelief. Not because of the information − which he was already aware of, anyway − but because of the remark itself. And the tone the Moyashi said it in.

"Why do you ask if you don't care, anyway?" Allen added, his words surprisingly calm. "...Are you this curious? So curious you'd want to do this with me?" His anger was doing a good job at making him hesitate less right now. And he should know better when enough was enough, but... "With that attitude of yours, Kanda, you'd never get laid if it weren't for this. I'm sure."

Okay, that was a bit over the line... The boy notted to himself mentally, expecting the worst.

"I'm going to fucking kill you, I swear−"

"AH!"

Both stopped motionless in their actions when Allen let out a sudden yelp of surprise.

"Ah, I-I forgot..." The younger Exorcist's face expression changed to both shocked and uncertain suddenly, giving the impression as if what happened mere seconds ago never took place, and...

Kanda had really no idea what the fuck was going on anymore.

"What?" The dark-haired hissed angrily.

"The lubricant. Um..."

"...What?" Kanda repeated.

"Um, it's a kind of..." The boy started to stammer, blushing. "A lotion for... You know... Um..."

The other raised an eyebrow.

"It's..." Allen kicked himself mentally for getting embarrased by such a thing so easily. "You don't want to do this without it, believe me, okay?"

And maybe Kanda wasn't so clueless about it how the boy thought he was. "Shit, do I really look like I were out of sugar to you?"

"...Yeah, and blame it all on me later on." Why did he even bother...

"So what, you want to go get it now? Run around the Order half-naked?"

"..."

"..."

Allen swallowed. Maybe he was inexperienced when it came down to such things, but at least he knew the theory. And what other way was to learn it if not like this? He sure as hell wasn't going to freak out in front of Kanda now...

The man growled as the boy pressed his fingers to his lips.

"Suck on them a little..." Allen spoke silently, watching him the whole time. Although the dark-haired Exorcist didn't seem to be fond of the idea, he complied with it, not putting any effort in being gentle about it.

After a moment, the white-haired pulled his fingers away. "...I-I'll try to be careful."

And swallowing again, he leaned forward, bringing his face closer to Kanda's. Gently, he started to lick at his neck, then travelled down to his chest. His left hand took interest in one of his nipples, while his other shifted somewhere lower.

"I told you to leave that goddamn tatoo alo−" The dark-haired stopped and grimaced as soon as he felt a finger slip inside him. Allen could feel him tense up.

"R-Relax..." The boy demanded shakily, forcing himself not to stop, as he started to nip and suck at the nipple inches away from the inky pattern, at the same time moving his finger in and out, soon adding the second one.

Kanda grit his teeth and turned his head aside, enduring the sensation in silence as it went. He couldn't decide which felt more awkward − the upper part or the bottom − but even though Allen was trying not to strain the tatoo, the flesh close to it was unnaturally sensitive as well, and it simply hurt, which wasn't pleasant at all.

"Kanda...?" Allen's voice suddenly reached his ears, as he felt the boy pull away from his chest. The questioning ring to his name didn't leave the older man clueless to what the issue was.

"Che." The dark-haired let out a simple grunt, as he calmly closed his eyes, hoping that the idiot would get the idea.

Allen looked at him for a moment, then pulled his hand away, and not wasting his sweet time, he started to work on his own pants. It was a matter of seconds before both of them were left naked before eachother.

Kanda opened his eyes the moment he felt the other's breath against his face, and before he knew it, Allen was kissing him, passionately, their hot bodies pressed together, slowly rubbing against oneanother. He could feel how aroused the boy was, and given the circumstances, it was obvious that the feeling was mutual.

Without saying anything else, Allen lifted the dark-haired's legs, slightly spreading them apart, making Kanda tense again. Then the boy finally entered him − slowly but deeply − and even though it felt awkward as hell, and maybe hurt a bit more than he imagined it would, he made sure not to make any embarrassing sounds because of it. Hell no, he wasn't going to moan like some kind of stupid whore in front of Walker, never. God forbid. This was nothing.

As realization hit him, however, he was staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, holding his breath as if his life depended on it. And the damn Moyashi probably saw the startled expression on his face, because he wasn't kissing him anymore.

"S-See, I told you..." Allen breathed shakily, as he burried his face in the side of Kanda's neck, staying motionless.

"...Shut up." The man grunted in a slightly strained tone.

"K-Kanda... T-Try to... relax... Ah..." The younger Exorcist tried his best to speak, hot breath and moist lips brushing against the other's skin. "I-I won't be able to... to do this properly... if you don't..."

"Shut up." Kanda repeated, sounding more confident this time.

"I-I'm serious..." The boy breathed as he moved and thurst into him again.

God, you're tight... Hazy thoughts filled Allen's brain from the feeling. It was intoxicating, making his whole body tingle. I don't want it to hurt you like it furt me, but... fuck...

Before he knew it, he was moving at a slow but steady pace, breathing heavily. Kanda's breathing was also getting louder as seconds passed by, and Allen noticed just now that the other man had his head turned to the side, apparently not wanting for him to see his face.

"Kanda..." The boy supported himself against the bed with one hand as he brought the other to the dark-haired's face, wanting the other to look at him.

Kanda struggled at first, but soon gave in, leaving himself exposed in front of the younger Exorcist. He had his eyes closed and his pants were ragged, but what Allen was really surprised to see was the huge blush on the man's face.

"Hn..." A surpressed sound escaped the older Exorcist's lips all of a sudden, sending a shiver down Allen's spine.

"Ah... Kanda...?" Yes, let me hear you... Hesitation was long forgotten when Allen reached with his hand lower, wrapping his fingers around Kanda.

"Wha..." The older man opened his eyes, taking a short moment to look at the boy. The hazy and confused glimpse in his stare made Allen's heart want to melt. He's never seen Kanda look like that... "Ah... Ghh..."

By then the boy was aware of one thing.

He couldn't think straight anymore.

Whatever happened in the next few minutes was intense, passionate, hot, and... If somebody told Allen it could actually feel this good, he'd never believe it. Compared to the first time, this was...

The white-haired was the first to reach his limit, Kanda following shortly after, their minds going blank. None of the two apparently cared enough to suppres their moans as their bodies shuddered from the overwhelming feeling. The younger boy fell on top of the other, feeling as if all of his vitality was suddenly drained away from him.

And they stayed like that for a while, trying to even their breaths out, neither moving nor speaking.

"Satisfied?" Kanda suddenly spoke in a tone that Allen found far from caring or pleased, making him snap out of his sleepy state in an instant. Somehow he had the feeling he wouldn't like this, wherever it was going.

"Now get out." The hiss came next, and Allen tensed upon hearing it, holding his breath.

"Hey! What's with you?" The boy raised himself up, pulling away from the dark-haired man.

When he tried to look at him, Kanda pulled on the bed sheet and wrapped it around himself, turning backside in the direction of the wall. He made no effort to answer the question.

What the hell was this now! "Regretting it already?"

"I said get out." Kanda repeated, apparently not interested in a conversation.

"You told me I could do what I wanted." The white-haired boy recalled the other's earlier words matter-of-factly. "Now deal with the consequences. I'm staying."

He threw himself right next to Kanda, with his back turned to the man as well, pulling on the blanket in order to cover himself, too.

"Che." The older man grunted, but he didn't say or do anything else to protest.

The next couple of minutes passed in complete silence.

"...Why do you distance yourself from others all the time?" It was Allen's soft voice that suddenly broke the spell. "Like this...?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Huh?" The remark made the boy turn his head in the other's direction, though all he could see was still the man's back.

"You've been acting weird ever since we returned from the Ark."

Now this... wasn't what Allen was ever expecting to hear.

"...What makes you think so?" He asked as if nothing, trying to play dumb.

"You think I'm blind?" Kanda's voice went a tone up. "You smile like an idiot around everyone, trying to give the impression that everything's fine. It's so fake it makes me want to vomit. I have no idea how Lenalee never noticed."

Whoa, Kanda, talk about sudden talkactivity... "It's not..."

"Spare me the crap. Who are you trying to fool?"

What the hell, Allen couldn't believe this. Was Kanda actually observing him all the time or something? Were his openings really that obvious?

"Somehow you never smile when you're around me."

The boy stayed silent. Somehow he never thought about it before, but now that Kanda mentioned it... It was true. He couldn't recall to have ever kept his happy facade around the man.

Maybe he was convinced that Kanda wouldn't worry about him either way? Was he simply being himself whenever he was around Kanda, then?

"Not like it's any of my business." The man stated, seeming as he wasn't getting an answer anytime soon.

Allen stayed silent for a minute more, before he finally decided to speak. "Kanda, um..."

"Now shut up." The man shrugged it off. "I'm tired."

"I−"

"Shut up..."

The boy looked at the other for a while more before he lay himself back on the bed.

Not your business, huh... Well, Kanda would find out about it eventually. Allen knew it was a matter of time till the thing with the Fourteenth became known to the whole Order. He wasn't sure what any of it actually meant yet, but from what he experienced so far, he didn't like it one bit.

Maybe Kanda did have a point. Maybe he wasn't the same Allen Walker anymore. Too much shit has happened in the past couple of weeks for him to be the same ever again.

The Fourteenth...

Well, sleep was a good idea... He felt tired as well.

The question was, would he actually be able to fall asleep now...
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Gone Forever