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Hakkai's Secret	By : TsuzukiM Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 3026 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki, know the author, or make and money off this story. I do not own any of the characters except the ones I create.

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Chapter 6

Hakkai pulled over and slipped out of the driver's seat a little way away from home. He was hoping and praying that Gojyo would be either not at home, or asleep and he didn’t want to wake him. Hakkai crept as silently as he could up the front steps and eased the unlocked door open slowly.

Hakuryuu, who was sitting on his shoulders, began to cheep and Hakkai quickly grabbed the little dragon’s head in his palm.

“Shush, Hakuryuu, please don’t wake Gojyo.”

He could hear Gojyo snoring inside. Hakkai tip-toed in and eased the door shut behind him. He made a mental note to oil the hinges at some point. Gojyo was asleep on the bed, fully clothed with an ashtray and a beer precariously balanced next to him. Hakkai groaned inside. If he did that at very least he’d make a mess, at worst he could set the bed on fire.

But it was Hakkai’s fault. The hanyou had obviously tried to wait up for him. Hakkai sighed and started to sneak over to the bathroom. He could only hope Gojyo didn’t wake up when he turned the shower on. He was half way there when his eyes caught the glint of metal on the kitchen table.

His limiters were there.

Stifling a cry of relief, Hakkai snatched [T1] them up before going into the bathroom. Shucking off his muddy pants, he brought the dragon with him.

He turned the shower on. When it had warmed he pushed the recalcitrant dragon in and then stepped inside. The hot water hitting his body was nothing short of luxurious. Hakkai palmed a shot of shampoo and first ran some through his own hair and then kneeled to lather up the dragon. He watched the filth of the previous night’s drive and activities run down the drain.

He couldn’t put it off now that he had them. He’d never had his limiters off for such a long time before and he had no idea what it would do to him. He was always weak for a while until his body readjusted, and that weakness seemed to be impacted by how often and for how long he removed them. He steeled himself for the shock.

The effect was immediate when he stuck the first one back in place. The shape of his ear began to change. The ivy on his body crawled. Hakkai had to screw up his courage and quickly force himself to replace the other two before his knees went out from under him. It was like having the energy sucked out of him all at once. He slid to the bath tub floor. The dragon cheeped at him, and shook the water from his scales.

Hakkai reeled. The sudden weakness was intense, and he gave up the struggle for consciousness quickly.

Hakuryuu, who desperately wanted out of the shower, instead curled up under Hakkai’s chin. Hakkai would need a lot more looking after. After all, it was always these big ones who needed him the most. Hakkai would need him even more now that he had given Hakuryuu yet another to protect.

Hesheltered from the water for a while under Hakkai’s body. Hakkai’s hand came up in his sleep to cradle the dragon. When Hakuryuu felt the water changing temperature he began to call out.

Gojyo heard the dragon making a fuss in the bathroom. It roused him from an uneasy sleep that only Hakkai could have used to sneak past him.

Goddammit Hakkai, he thought, Where the hell have you been?

He knocked on the door but got nothing but “kyuu kyuu” from inside. He opened it and pulled the shower curtain aside…

Hakkai laid there, dragon wrapped in his arms and he murmured. Gojyo bent to ghost his finger tips along the line of Hakkai’s jaw. One green eye opened slightly and rolled toward him. It sent a shock through Gojyo, a memory of that night. It was like that same strange laughing look from that night. It was the one that Hakkai got when he’d looked at death.

For a moment Gojyo could only stare. The eye closed again, and Hakkai murmured again, “Gojyo,” and his name dripped from Hakkai’s lips.

Retrieving a towel and turning the cooling water off, Gojyo covered his friend and went about the task of lifting the Taijiya from the bathtub.

Some hours later, Hakkai woke back up. He came back slowly, not wanting to let sleep go. He was tired and dreamy and he did not want to be in the world just yet. He squirmed around, altering his position, and became aware of the lanky arms around him.

Gojyo was asleep, but he was no longer on top of the sheets. When Hakkai stirred, he mumbled and tightened his grip on Hakkai. Hakkai rested his head against Gojyo’s chest, content for the moment to stay there for a while.

Gojyo had carried him to his bed, not for the first time. He’d never carry another male to his bed, or so he said. It was a concession he’d given to Hakkai. The new mattress was nice.

Hakkai curled around Gojyo and reached up to twine his fingers in Gojyo’s hair. Red eyes flickered open. Hakkai smiled.

“You’re awake?” Gojyo yawned and shifted onto his side so that he could better look at Hakkai.

“Yes, but I don’t want to get up yet.”

“You passed out in the shower.”

“I guess I was exhausted.”

“Huh.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me where I’ve been?” Hakkai asked. He knew he was literally asking for it, but he didn’t understand why Gojyo never punished him. Sometimes, he wanted the hanyou to ask him where he was, or even get a little jealous. Sometimes he wanted Gojyo to punish him.

“No.”

Hakkai propped himself up on his elbows and looked into Gojyo’s face. He could see it, just under the surface. Hakkai wasn’t sure if it was hurt, or concern, or anger, but it was there. If it hadn’t been there, Hakkai would have been wasting his time.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be gone all night,” Hakkai said apologetically.

Gojyo shook his head, “Don’t be. Not like I always come home.”

Hakkai looked away, “I guess not. I guess I expected… a different reaction.”

Gojyo frowned at him. “Hakkai, you really think I give a shit what you do?”

That hurt Hakkai more than anything else Gojyo could have said. He flinched inside but kept his features placid. “No, I suppose not.”

But you do care; or else you wouldn’t have to tell me you don’t.

Hakkai rolled over to put his back to the hanyou.

Gojyo pulled himself to sit up against the headboard. “Hand me my smokes, man.”

Hakkai reached to the floor and located the cigarettes and ashtray. He handed them over to Gojyo without looking at him. He listened to the familiar click of the zippo and the sounds of sucking nicotine.

The stench of cigarette smoke filled his nose.

“Gojyo, could you open the window if you’re going to smoke in bed?”

Gojyo sniffed wryly and reached over to the bedside window and pushed it up a crack. Cold winter air poured in and gave Hakkai a chill. He shivered.

Why does he always smoke around me, he knows it's bad for me, he knows I hate it…

Hakkai choked on his own spit for a moment. Grabbing at his belly, he remembered the curious sensation on his way home. Then he thought about why he’d been out in the first place and what that damn deity had done to him. Anxiety gripped him.

Hakkai focused his awareness on his own body. There had been changes, not for the first time in his life. Most people didn’t get body upgrades. Over the last month or two, he’d desperately tried to pretend that the changes he felt were not real, the product of his deranged mind. He preferred the concept of his mental illness to the reality that he’d had a deity screwing with his body.

Hakkai ran his palm down along his belly. He concentrated enough to read his own flow of Qi. It was difficult, he could read other’s far more easily, but he sensed it there. A tiny little aura existed- newly formed and hours old. Once he found it, he couldn’t stop sensing it. It pulsed, feeding off his own Qi.

With a suddenness that set Gojyo’s hair on end Hakkai suddenly screamed out “BITCH!”

Gojyo had never seen him do something quite like that before.

“Dude?” he said.

Hakkai hugged his stomach and rolled up onto his knees in a kind of fetal position. He stuffed his face into a pillow and repeated the word like a mantra “bitch bitch bitch…”

Gojyo was becoming alarmed. He reached over to touch Hakkai. “Man? You okay?”

Hakkai turned his head to face Gojyo. His eyes were reddened, like he was thinking about crying, but he had a large plastic smile covering his face. “Sorry, Gojyo. It’s nothing. I just suddenly thought of something.”

“Must have been one hell of a damned good something. You startled me, man.”

“Sorry.”

“Did someone steal your wallet or something?”

Hakkai laughed then, a weak and short-lived thing but it had some sincerity in it. Gojyo relaxed a bit. For the moment, he’d been jolted out of his own self-pity.

“I think I lost my shoes and monocle.”

Gojyo blinked, “That’s what that was all about?”

Hakkai nodded. Gojyo looked skeptical. “You must have really had a wild night.” He sucked on his cigarette and returned his gaze to the window.

“Something like that. I don’t remember it all.”

“With you, that’s not a good sign.”

“I know. It will come back to me, I’m sure.”

But Hakkai could feel it, a tiny presence that hadn’t been there before. It was there, at the edge of his subconscious. He thought about that sensation he’d felt on the way home. Do women get that? Most of them don’t even know right away so he doubted it. Was he supposed to feel it?

It didn’t matter because he did feel it. There was a presence there deep inside his body. Hakkai had the immediate urge to claw his own stomach open.

Gojyo was going to throw him out and Sanzo was going to kill him.

Shit shit shit, what am I gonna do?

Hakkai thought about the man sitting beside him on the bed. Hadn’t he done this for him?

What a Christmas present. Christmas was only scant days away. They didn’t do much to celebrate normally, but Hakkai hoped for a present.

“You really think I give a shit what you do?”

Hakkai squeezed his eyes shut. He had to keep from trembling. It would take a moment to get himself together enough to appear normal in front of the man that knew him better than anyone.

I should tell him. He’s my lover; if he loves me, it will all be okay.

Hakkai sat up at the edge of the bed. He could feel Gojyo’s eyes on the back of his neck.

“Gojyo?”

“Yeah?”

“You really need to stop smoking around me.”

Gojyo shot him a dirty look, “Son of a bitch, Hakkai!”

“No. Really, it’s not like that…”

“Oh piss off!” Gojyo pushed past him and made his way across the apartment.

“Sometimes you are just too much, Hakkai. I’ve told you, the only thing I really hate about you is when you bug me about my smoking!”

So it had been anger that he’d seen in Gojyo’s face.

“Gojyo, I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s…”

“What? What is it Hakkai?” Gojyo was yelling at him now. Hakkai backed off.

“Nothing, I’m sorry Gojyo. I shouldn’t have said anything just now.”

“What ever.”

The hanyou turned away from him and headed for the bathroom. “Gojyo?” Hakkai called after him.

“What?”

“I love you.”

That stopped Gojyo in his tracks. Hakkai could see the cigarette stuck to his lip threatening to drop, the bunching of muscles in Gojyo’s back. The hanyou turned his head and blinked at him, and then his face hardened.

“Now why would you go and say a thing like that? Damn Hakkai, what the hell goes on in your head?”

Hakkai hugged his knees to his body. “I don’t even know.”

“Heh, well, cut the shit then.”

“Okay.”

He loves me. He has to love me.

[T1]1
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Hakkai's Secret