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Heh Killua	By : Dadou Category: +G to L > Hunter x Hunter Views: 4595 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money for the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Hey guys! I promised I would warn you on the nature of the content of each chapter. Here is me being true to my word. The chapters before have been quite-T and even K+ rating. I would rate this one definitely M. So…

WARNING: There's adult language and adult situations. There is violence and abuse... And the way it's written may upset you, after all we're talking about a thirteen year old. It's the purpose though. I want to portray the complexity behind these subjects. I'll be descriptive so that whoever wishes to continue, can get under their skin. There will be worse warnings ahead so if you don't like it from now, please do not continue.

Now, do feel free to criticize me, I truly welcome the chance to improve. But do not flame me on something I have responsibly warned.

CHAPTER 6: x The Deal x

Night

He was alone… tied to a bed. Arms were extended. And he couldn't move his head.

Fear. He was paralyzed.

It was probably because he'd been recounting… that day... that he'd fallen into a nightmarish sleep. That's how he knew he was dreaming. Knowing that did not help one little bit on how he felt though.

On the feet of the bed was a screen that turned to life. His body jumped in fright. Just then a spidery cold hand trailed his cheek. But he could not turn to see the owner, only stare at the screen. He had the horrible sensation that someone was standing behind him...

And he couldn't turn off the jagged pieces of images…

Wake up-wake up- wake up!

He realized the screen would only play what his unconscious willed it to play because he saw…

Again the locked door. Again the screams. He trying to open the door, kicking it, the vague idea that something in the other side is in awful danger…

The albino willed the screen to change from channel, he willed it to become something different, something good because he had the horrible sensation someone was standing beside him and he couldn't look. He tossed his head to one side but then a hand gripped his jaw to force him to look forward…

And the screen suddenly showed… Gon. Pinned against the wall …

Somehow seeing it made him acquire a certainty it would come true if he didn't stop it so Command your mind. This is an emergency. He had to.

But his thoughts trailed to what had happened at the deck that day. That chilling voice, the shadow- "I'm waiting brother..."The boy's eyes shut tight trying to focus. But the screen at the feet of his bed echoed...

'I'm waiting brother'

No…

Followed by the known feeling of terror swelling inside his chest.

No, ok. It's Ok. Be creative!

Will the screen to change. Count sheep! Or count... Leorio's dressed as ballerinas!

Twelve Leorio-ballerinas appeared daintily on the screen in an old theater…One Leorio... Two Leorios... Three Leorios... on pink tutus...dancing happily Four Leorios...Five Leorios...Six Leorios. But then the theater was shredding down to pieces, burning down, the burnt flesh he'd seen so many times in his childhood raw on the bodies discarded over the scenery...

There was one Leorio left, now dressed in a suit, and he had to kill him in order to save himself-NO. He turned back. He was in the tied bed again.

He heard an ice cold voice- 'Did you miss me Kills'

Killua tried to shift-take control- He commanded himself but he could now see on the screen the captain of the ship elegantly dressed in a white tuxedo, a baton being swung in his hand. He was laughing grotesquely. "Ladies and gentlemen" he introduced "the replay begins!"

The replay begins... begins…begins…begins…

The curtains opened and Killua knew he couldn't help but to look at them, knowing they were going to replay a memory… images of a silver haired boy, downcast, following behind his brother's shadow…He felt the cold hand clasping his neck. Just as the screen spoke

-"I'm waiting brother"

-"The replay begins!"

Only...this time, on the screen he was seven. Only seven.

-"The replay begins!"

Horrible disjointed images. Displaying at increasing speed. Screams-toss-hand-needle, cut, hands, hair, eyes, hands, images like clouds through running skies-

NO!

The replay be-

"NO!"Killua opened his eyes.

He'd taken a hand to his chest, his heart was beating painfully.

He realized he'd bit his lip.

He sat on the bed, realizing he was panting, covered in sweat. Cold sweat, his pajamas dampened actually.

The middle of the night and he wanted a shower. He sighed.

Sitting he put one foot then the other, against the cold floor. He sat there, on the edge of the bed tired, elbows on knees, head resting on his hands…

So…this was another night were bad dreams would not let him sleep would they? He thought of his dream. Only ten minutes later did he realize- half heartedly amused- that he'd dreamed, along the positively horrid stuff, with ballerina-Leorios. He darkly humored the choice.

…but he wanted so badly to sleep...He exhaled resigned...

The cold, now creeping up his bare skin made him return to snuggle inside the bed. He couldn't help remembering that day at the deck… He just couldn't.

He'd followed Illumi from a distance. Killua trailed behind.

Tap tap tap down the stairs...

But Illumi had turned and Killua was lifted by his collar and pushed against the wall.

"You probably have missed me Kills"

Oh, his favorite nickname. "What do you want" Killua said bored.

Illumi smiled coldly. "You really don't know?" he muttered amused-as much amused it could sound in the toneless voice.

"Oh lemme guess Illumi. You're going to ask me to borrow you a dollar maybe? Or lend you some t-shirts; maybe even give you advice on chicks, as normal brother do no?" he said with ease, surprised at his own nonchalant voice as he hang from his brother's grasp.

His impassive mask not even slightly disturbed at the words. Killua just registered a reaction when he felt himself being pushed against the wall again, probably just for the sake of hitting his head. Ow. Internally Killua sighed. But Illumi's grasp grew stronger and Killua choked. His dark empty stare engulfing the figure in front.

"I'm guessing it's not the t-shirt…so, is it father?" the boy said between choked breaths.

Gee...

But then Illumi smiled "No. But there is a t-shirt problem though..."

He froze.

Killua had felt his shirt being slightly lifted...And a cold hand creep under. While the dark stare drank his reaction.

No Killua tensed up, he felt the nails grazing his chest. Opening buttons of the shirt.

Nonono...

So that was it.

No, it couldn't be. He'd been expecting just a private message from father sent through Illumi...Or even a threat to go back. This was the threat to go back? No, he should have known - a corner of his brain registered the sick path of those hands-but No. It couldn't be. It never had happened away from home, let alone a public place no, and years had gone by, it couldn't be that...

And yet those hands … And he obliterated everything happening down bellow, averting his head as he ran calculations in his mind.

"What little brother?" the elder leaned his head dangerously close to Killua's cheek. "You'll pretend you are indifferent to me? Oh so you don't care"

Just as easily Illumi released him and Killua fell down heavily to the ground. The boy didn't waver. His gaze fixed on a patch of wooden floor, quite vexed. He stumbled as he slowly tried to stand up.

Come on... For a moment he thought Illumi was doing things for real. Seriously, dude, doing this away from home? He wasn't up to pranks, let alone the old games –tortures- he corrected the last.

But it was to be expected he concluded, a good way to scare the shit out of him he must have thought. Well he'd succeeded again, good for him.

Standing he pushed past his brother to leave.

But Illumi grabbed his collar again and pinned him to the wall with his knee.

"Oh. Not finished?" Harsh bitterness lowered Killua's voice.

But Illumi smiled smugly and emptily, the force of his aura augmenting. And his hand travelled to his chest as he left Killua immobilized with the other: He held now both hands on top of his head in one quick movement. Killua did not flinch startled. He didn't even fight the tight grasp.

Really?

But then it sank in. The bastard wasn't stopping. His shirt was open. And he was nearing the waistband of his pants. Killua registered that his heart gave a jolt… a nauseous feeling on the pit of his stomach. And the known surge of hate.

"...Don't mess with me" he let out a murderous whisper. His body arrow tense, ready to attack.

Illumi chuckled and slowed down on that limit, the hem of his pants, in expectance...his gaze fixed on Killua's eyes. They were trying to burn him... and he just laughed without emotion. And the elder proceeded to open Killua's belt.

"Don't? Don't what? Don't stop, little brother?"

Killua hissed angered, trying to fight back. In milliseconds he thought of places where to hit Illumi, maybe there was a chance of making the run. He tried to free his hands with all his might and they trembled with his strength...

But he realized only too late that he couldn't use his Nen. It was as if Illumi inhibited his aura or something.

The boy did not flinch at the realization, undeterred, defiance running through his veins, boiling in his blood. Strategic thoughts ran across his mind: It would resume on all his physical strength v/s his brother's Nen enhanced strength... so he would not be able to overpower Illumi.

His only way out was taking whatever mistake or chance he had and run.

Illumi left the grasp of his hands to further roam under Killua's now open belt. Killua took his chance, his hand transforming to a claw. But Illumi's eyes seemed to devour him while catching his wrist at the instant.

He pulled strongly.

And something snapped.

"NGGGGHH!"The scream was muffled by Illumi's hand over his mouth.

His wrist was dislocated.

The bastard.

Killua, not caring about the pain, tried again to tear Illumi away, fight back, make him damage, run.

But to no avail, first one hand then the other were pinned against the wall by an invisible force.

It kept his arms painfully extended.

He was now completely defenseless, immobilized, pinned against that stupid wall.

The spidery hand crept down his chest, the other still on his mouth, pinning him to the wall... it went lower

a muffled "NO", the anger.

And Killua was ready to kill given the chance.

He still continued kicking violently and thrashing, now sweating because of the effort of trying to free himself. But he was grabbed by his neck again.

"Why you make things difficult? Don't you remember little brother?" Illumi said with disguised venom on his monotone. And Killua couldn't help the unwanted memories, he did, he did remember, and he felt his heart hammering against his chest. Illumi's palm was over it, feeling the panic... and savoring it. The albino cursed under his breath.

He wasn't weak.

So he kicked again and tried again to free his arms, the veins in his arms marking under his skin with the effort.

"Ah... little brother, I'll make it easier for you…You see, when I touch you, you feel so important no? It's all about you." The analysis had begun.

"But you should know you are just a puppet, right now you must have surely evaluated the situation, and yes, you are rendered nothing else but a puppet…and surely you're not at all the best I've had..." Illumi pressed himself against the small lean body of the kid. And let out a faint exhalation at this that sent a shiver to his spine. His hand covering the boy's mouth, his eyes devouring him...

Killua could feel him down there –and terror and anger-paralyzing him.

"Killua...Killua..." he hummed "you're just worthless since I took you for the first tim-.."

A punch hit Illumi's jaw.

Killua's other hand had freed himself on pure adrenaline strength.

It felt so good.

Illumi's grasp on his neck grew stronger and Killua refused to gag. The elder hit him against the wall hard. He was pressed again by that force to the wall…

"Say you're sorry" said Illumi in a monotone voice. It was an order, as when he trained him. His eyes transmitted danger, menace…

"No"

He was hit against the wall, but Illumi met resolute defying eyes. Killua hated him hated him hated him. Illumi's grasp was even tighter. But suddenly his voice grew softer.

"Ah, I might as well leave you here. I have other interests now. You're just an excuse of an old habit..." toneless words "For example there's this young boy, black hair, so much stamina" the elder mused. And watched as Killua's eyes widened.

"I wonder how it would be to touch-"

"Don't you dare MTF" Killua hissed and punched again- and again was caught in midair. No, no, no, no, not Gon, not him-

"But I dare little Killua" two bottomless black pits stared back at him. And he felt the sickly slow wave of despair drowning his mind. Not Gon... But Illumi proceeded, now with a silkier voice...

"Oh, but I did not know it would bother you brother. I would never do something that does not please you..." he caressed with one thin finger his cheek. Killua closed his eyes as he felt a wave of sickness.

Suddenly he felt hot breath on his neck as Illumi pressed his lips to his ear "You see, I only need something to eat once in a while. It's when I'm out of stock that I start looking for... younger cattle" He roamed again Killua's taut stomach and Killua inwardly flinched at the unwanted touch…

"Let's make it a deal then uh?" he whispered.

Killua realized he'd stopped breathing. Illumi was now opening his own belt.

"Don't… "He hadn't controlled it, he had shut tight his eyes with anticipation, reflex from years past…

"Ah ah ah" Illumi shook his head "no Kills, you don't seem to get this. Weren't we talking about a special boy?"His other hand roamed further.

Killua knew what Illumi was doing. If he could speak… but his air was limited under Illumi's grasp... if he could make him believe Gon was not important... not Gon... he never... he vowed to protect Gon always... ugh stop the touching... suddenly he realized something overwhelming he couldn't grasp reached his eyes...It was all there again, the anger, the guilt, the frustration, the humiliation, the control, the powerless, the helplessness, how he hated himself, he was there again again again again

"Is that a tear? Oh little brother, there's no need" Illumi's tongue traced the one tear at the corner of Killua's eye. Killua kicked tossing his face to one side, straining his arms for freedom.

He was hit against the wall harder than the other times. No escape... Just like that. A doll, just like- just like that. Weak... powerless. He was trying with all his strength to release his hands, just to punch something out of anger at the realization…

He was being gagged...and the tingling sensation in his fingers and feet from the lack of air just felt like strings that hung him like a puppet…just like that...

It did not matter. No, it did not matter...it did not matter...

As Illumi left his neck Killua's body went limp, he suddenly felt numb, hanging from Illumi's arms. Illumi continued to roam his chest and down there, pressing himself where the hem of both their pants were open.

"Don't give me that look. I'm doing you a favor here" He felt...Illumi's pressure hard against his thigh... as Illumi continued to feast on the youngest. "You'll friend will stay unharmed, innocent and pure as ... let's say white milk" he felt the poisonous words imprinted to his chest as hands covered that body. He tried to block it out. It wasn't that important. It wasn't. It was just touching, nothing more.

"You just have to comply to my wishes, is it too much to ask, really?" he wasn't asking as his features morphed into the severity and emptiness he'd always used before... "I'm not messing around Kills, so think wisely this time"

He observed the boy.

His gaze was unmet.

"Answer" The overpowering sick aura. It was sick how he rejoiced in his control, he forced him to accept a deal rather than the empty threat, give him the illusion he was choosing, knowing guilt was a powerful string lacing him to silence, one of the many strings, just a puppet.

He kept silent, not looking...

Gon...

"Answer Kils"

He nodded. Without meeting that sick stare.

The elder chuckled again "You little brother. So…obedient." Killua's hands fisted. Illumi caressed his hair placing his hand on his forehead. And he drew his lips to Killua's cheek. He closed his eyes in aversion. No

He posed them on the corner of his mouth, and spoke against his skin "In the end you wanted this"

"NO". But he was muffled.

Foreign lips on his own forcing him.

No…

He willed himself elsewhere…

But a sound was heard.

Illumi released him alarmed.

He fell with a thump to the wooden boards of the stair.

It had only been a seagull...

Illumi did not pick him. He stared at the boy sprawled on the ground. With curiousity. For some moments…

"You are indeed an old vice..." he mused.

There was a silence and he added "You've distracted me from some errands I have to do now. We're meeting here the day after tomorrow. At 00:00 pm. Not before, not after. That is the deal. If you so wish I can pay you for your silence"

He spoke monotonely as he rearranged himself... And kept a brief silence. But then something like a low chuckle was heard "If you do not appear, I'm personally going to come looking for your friend to give me company. You'll be... tied up while watching." his voice had turned low. And then he just…turned and left.

He just left

…

He disappeared round the hall…

Killua realized he'd stopped breathing…

And suddenly, it all kicked in. Killua got slowly on his feet. He controlled himself, his shaking.

He buttoned his shirt, he arranged his belt. He couldn't control his breathing though, he was heaving… He walked slowly, to the nearest bathroom. He walked away as far as he could.

He felt his hands clammy as he opened the door. He zombie walked to a stall.

He closed the door behind him. And bent instantly. And retching he emptied himself.

As he took hold of the seat, he gagged and tried to breath. He stayed there. Bent over the toilet's seat long after he had no more to give just heaving…

Until he could breathe. Just breathe slowly-

He was not going to be weak. No. He was just overwhelmed that tongue inside his mouth - And suddenly he punched the stall angry. And clenched his fists.

Ugh-Punch- Hate-Punch-BASTARD-Punch- He'd broken the tiles, his fists were burning as he punched and punched again until he fell to his knees, again panting.

He flushed the toilet… Knelt as he was he'd swayed to the door, leaning against it awfully tired.

He looked at his odd wrist, which still stung painfully.

He braced himself for the pain.

A crack was heard.

Back to place.

He took his wrist to his chest, it was cold. And slowly his body edged to sit on the floor. He kept silent and immobile. If he moved, tears would come up his eyes and he was not going to allow that. There was numbness and coldness, the cold of the floor, of the walls, of his wrist…he felt like not moving at all, ever... just staying there hidden and numb, though he felt deadly cold…

He was there again… he had sworn to never ever be in that position again. His fist clenched. Gon in danger. Hate. Hatehatehate. He felt like crying…like killing…he felt dead…

Silence…time trailed and Killua found he'd let himself sprawl against the bathroom floor...feeling the cold tiles as time slowed down…how he ended on the floor? It did not matter...

He only snapped out when his phone cell started to ring, long time after.

It rung… and rung… until Killua finally reached it...

Gon…

"Killua!"

...

"Killua is it you? Are you ok?"

No…

"Where are you? You alright?"

No...Gon…I...

"Killua! WHERE ARE YOU? And what happened? Where do I go?" the frantic voice snapped him out.

"Too… much… questions" he barely said. He felt he could not speak properly. And he breathed deeply, he'd planned it already.

He returned to a monotonous voice

"...Hey... cool out...I'm fine. I..." he needed time to... be himself again…

"...I just need a nap"

"You don't nap"

"Neh, today I do… I probably had too much lunch."

"You didn't lunch... You mean chocolates?"

"…Precisely … so I'm… going to sleep an hour or so..." he wished. He felt the disappointment on Gon's sigh, as he rambled on. He could just imagine his puppy eyes "hey, we can go out later... I promise" He felt drained out, as he left the stall's floor and carried himself to wash his face, then left the bathroom and walked to his room, all the while the cell phone still on his ear with a frantic Gon.

"Killua, can I go there? To our room? Are you in our room? I promise I'll stay quiet... I want to see you" he sounded worried. That meant he wasn't pulling a good facade. Well, it was harmless; he was just going to see him sleep. Killua arrived to the room they shared

"Ok... if you want to, but I'll be boring."

"Ok! Thanks Killua"

He was inside the room now, in the bathroom, and his friend was coming soon… he put a ton of toothpaste in his tongue, water, spit out, zombie mode. Again. Again.

He walked calmly back to the bed. This was not happening. Not…

He let himself fall on the mattress, and unconsciously tugged his legs in. Dizziness along with drowsiness from the emotional drain kicked in, as if he'd ran a 48hr marathon. He told himself- he almost hummed- …It'd been just a mistake. Part of him whispered incessantly he was going to wake up the day before this one, when nothing had happened.

Remnants of childhood mechanisms. Life didn't work like that. No. So he was just left to vow he was going to get out of this soon… It was that or acting as if he didn't mind.

He'd vowed he would not to be in a situation like that. Ever...ever again…

But he was so drained from emotions he even felt spared of the self hate.

He tossed and turn.

Now, that he unwantingly replayed and replayed it all, the sinking feelings returned. Words were replayed, with the texture of a bad dream. He analyzed all thoroughly…And oh it seemed like a just a nightmare, while an unaware he splashed at the deck, like a badly done horror movie, but effective.

He was lying on the bed, staring at the roof, and he wasn't as spared from feelings as when he'd finally napped that afternoon.

And hours went by, a day gone and only other one left and he hadn't found a solution. He was only left with… No, he wouldn't …But Gon… He needed advice. But there was no one but himself to find an answer.

Maybe all of this was his fault because there was no answer. His mistake had been in believing, in hoping all these two years. Him deciding, him taking control and quitting his past and making a life on his own…Allowing himself those kinds of thoughts, it had all been an illusion that now tasted acrid on his mouth. It was. It always had proven that way. He could run away but he couldn't hide and eventually it would catch up to claim him, to bind him, to return him, to twist him and rip him apart. Until he was molded something unrecognizable.

But he couldn't be molded again, not after having met Gon…

A part inside him that was strongly fighting his right to live and be by Gon's side made him feel the pain all the more. He curled as if with the motion he could bottle it inside somehow. He felt Gon breathing soundly oh so near him…

It was the middle of the night.

Killua!

From afar

Calling him

Overlapped was a voice screaming

Stop it...don't…don't...

"I dare Killua"

Hands. Hands. Hands.

Killua!

Screaming overlapped….

Slowly he realized the voice screaming was... his own...

The one screaming was himself

AAAAAAAAAH!

Killua opened his eyes with a violent start.

Gon hovered over him, grasping him by the shoulders.

"Killua!"

"Gon"

"You were having a nightmare" Gon's chocolate eyes desperate...

But Killua rolled over barely conscious. He was sleeping soundly again.

"Killua?"

Snore.

Gon rolled his eyes, sighed and turned to sleep.

Yeah...
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Heh Killua