Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Alternate Tracks 2nd Story in Rivalry Series	By : kurahieiritrJIO Category: +G to L > Initial D Views: 2560 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Initial D, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
CHAPTER 6

Takumi drove through the grove of trees that guarded his second favorite place on the mountain. This was his sanctuary whenever he needed to review decisions he had to make. Since he had found it years before, Takumi had come here often after finishing tofu deliveries. This obscure place offered the peace and quiet that he needed to think. Keisuke's confession of love made this place the most important place in existence to Akina's downhill specialist. However, this lookout would never hold his adoration the way that his secret valley did. Memories flashed through Takumi's mind as he parked.

Thoughts of when Keisuke forced him to acknowledge his love of driving through a heated verbal argument surfaced. The temperamental man had challenged his belief that driving was only a chore. Takumi contemplated joining Ryosuke Takahashi's elite racing team in this spot, and wrestled with fears of being a liability. Mulling over Keisuke's demand that he become a top racer by joining Project D happened here. It was Keisuke's unwavering belief in hi talent which convinced Takumi to drive for Project D.

This place was where Keisuke taught him the real power of a kiss. The wheat-haired driver had shattered everything Takumi thought he knew about himself. Every time Takumi found himself thinking he was getting too submissive, he came here to examine his unease. Evaluating his masculine values, Takumi sought to create balance within himself. He had found ways to handle Keisuke's powerhouse personality while developing an emotional attachment to the feisty blond.

Keisuke Takahashi had turned Takumi's world upside down and rearranged everything with his single mindedness. His paramour continued to alter his perceptions of the world almost daily. Takumi knew Keisuke had become as important to him as this place, even before that strange dreamlike morning when Keisuke first kissed him. The amber-haired teenager thought Keisuke honestly loved him. It was Takumi's inability to decide his feelings for the wheat-haired racer causing his despair.

Takumi's discoveries the morning Keisuke kissed him the first time continued to dismay him with every one of Mogi's phone calls. Keisuke had taught him the truth about why he had doubted Mogi from the beginning. Learning that he felt nothing emotional from her kisses to stir belief in her supposed love for him had stunned Takumi. All the things she continued promising made him ill because Keisuke had shown him concrete evidence to the contrary. Mogi's kisses held none of the emotions necessary to making a relationship. His knowledge of the truth made their ongoing battle on the phone distasteful. Mogi insisted that she loved him, and swore she would change so he would want her. The very lack of conviction he felt when Natsuki kissed him made it impossible to take her promised to heart, or accept her back. Empty gestures that insured a life time of misery was not Takumi's style.

'Sometimes Keisuke's so damned unpredictable, but I want to trust him. Doesn't really matter that I'm not sure where this will lead me. Wish I could stop being so afraid that he's going to get tired of me and leave. I've become a damned mental case. Am I wrong to allow Keisuke to pull me in this direction? I know I want to be near him, and always have. Things are so much clearer when he's around me. I can reach for things I never thought I could have because of him. I guess I really need Keisuke in my life which is the main reason this scares the hell out of me.'

'Is needing someone, like I need Keisuke, a good thing? Does needing him mean that I love him? Natsuki says she needs me all the time, and I'm getting sick of hearing her say that. Looks like I'm having a problem with both of them. Keisuke acts like he needs me, and I'm drawn to him like he's a super strength magnet. Doesn't make these feelings for him love, . . . does it? Mogi can't possibly love me, yet she's always claiming that she needs me. Naze did Mogi have to say that I don't love Keisuke today. She made me wonder again if I'm wrong for giving Keisuke a chance all again. I hate this mess in my head.'

Takumi concluded that personality had attracted him to Keisuke Takahashi long before the blond confessed that he loved him. The nineteen-year-old never mentioned the handful of erotic dreams that caused his body to react. He had felt guilt and shame over having those few dreams. Those early erotic dreams had been way off the mark when it came to the power contained in Keisuke's kiss.

Takumi had not appreciated that his disturbing dreams were due to his mild attraction to the dynamic street racer who had an unwavering belief in him. What Takumi had felt toward the other man had been the barest of embers. The feelings would have died unidentified without Keisuke's hard push to kindle it into a blaze bonfire. Convincing himself that he only wanted to learn how to emulate Keisuke's focus had been easy for Takumi. He thought he wanted to have the same kind of decisive personality he saw in his teammate. The temperamental man proved him wrong on all counts.

Takumi's current dreams were far more erotic since Keisuke had awoken him to the reality that he had always craved his older companion's attention. His desire still focused foremost on the man's personality. Nevertheless, Takumi had begun to long for Keisuke's body. The hard planed form radiating such a magnetic personality and genuine feeling love was increasingly irresistible. The physical and emotional qualities of Keisuke's advances filled the emptiness in Takumi's heart and soul with a never before experienced devotion. Keisuke's voice, and volatile nature had always attracted Takumi. Still, he was not ready to call his emotions, and physical reactions to the older street racer, love.

The amber-haired teen muttered at thin air, "Where are you, Keisuke? Damn, I'm still pissed at Mogi. I don't want you going ballistic if I'm not here when you arrive. I need to hike to my haven to clear my head, so I can figure this shit out with Mogi."

He tried to recall details of the woman whom he argued with several times a week. To visualize Mogi's face was impossible without a photograph. Takumi only recalled her voice because they spoke so frequently on the phone. Her mannerisms were ghostly tendrils Takumi could no longer grasp. Mogi's quirky personality had initially attracted him to her, so felt he was unkind to have forgotten so much. The only thing he could recall was that her kiss was apathetic when compared to the lips to which he was now addicted.

'Mogi makes me feel guilty every time she calls. Nani am I going to do with her? I can't make her listen. She's always saying things that make me dwell on everything I do. I don't trust, or love her. I wish I wasn't so worried about her going back to subsidizing too. Telling her off so she'll stop calling me is impossible because I feel responsible for her. I'm caught between two people that say they love me. One I know is lying. The other, . . . I'm hurting Keisuke because I'm afraid I'm selfishly using him. Damn it! I've got way too much stress in my love life. I hate how I keep screwing up when I try to explain how I feel to either one of them. Mogi's already taken all I said and twisted it into my being in love with her. Keisuke's going to get pissed off if he finds out that I tried to make Mogi understand that I meant past tense. I can't say I'm innocent because I screw up in how I say things too. Nani the fuck can I say or do?'

"Takumi, I know you'll take me back once you see how much I've changed. Even if your new girlfriend loves you, that doesn't mean you love her too. You've admitted that you do love me." The female voice on the other end of the line sounded smug as Mogi pounced on his previous observation with a new twist. She was turning things into present tense, when he meant past tense.

"Nani? Mogi, the hell's that supposed to mean?" Takumi felt his anger rise several degrees as his fist tightened around the receiver. He did not want Mogi to return. She had her own life to live. "I said I felt that way when we were dating a year ago. I meant it in the past "You tell me you know she loves you, but you haven't said you feel the same about her. You would've said you love her, if you didn't still love me. You just admitted that you wanted me to love you better. So, I will, Takumi-kun."

'How can she say I don't love Keisuke? Ok, so I don't know if I can call this love . . . yet. Still, whatever it is, it's a hell of a lot stronger than anything I felt while dating her. It also pisses me off that she makes it sound like I'm using Keisuke to punish her for lying and cheating on me. That's really bugging me. I can't do something like that. Dragging a third person into that kind of vendetta would be cruel. Is Natsuki like that? Does anyone with the right look, or wallet size, qualify as loveable to her? Would she go back to subsidy dating to get even with me? If I did take her back, would she do the same thing to punish me? She knows I'm seeing someone else, so it's possible she'd do that if she can accuse me of being that kind of asshole.'

The charge that he loved her more than Keisuke needled Takumi beyond reason. He had grasped that he had never loved Mogi, although he had been on the borderline of falling in love with her. Personality quirks had attracted him to her, and Takumi had even considered accepting her subtle offers to sleep with her several times. Mogi had shown a knack for getting him talking about things that bothered him. That had been one of the biggest reasons Takumi had imagined settling down with her.

Nevertheless, to hear her imply that he didn't need to feel a genuine attachment to be with someone was a huge shock. He had believed Mogi understood him better than that. Her vehement rebuttal that he wanted to punish her sickened Takumi. After all he had told her about his past, Natsuki should have known that being hateful was the last thing he would do to anyone. That included people who had hurt him.

His attraction to Keisuke was uncomfortable for a reason. Takumi had a difficult time understanding his place in their relationship. However, the youth knew that discomfort aside, he was where he wanted to stay. Keisuke seemed to understand his reservations, and tried to make sure he felt he belonged. Although he had not told Keisuke very much about his childhood, his feisty paramour seemed to sense how his mind worked. He could not imagine Keisuke making such vile accusations if things fell apart. Then again, Takumi had not expected Mogi to say something so disturbing either.

'Guess I should have told Mogi that I love Keisuke. Naze did I stay quiet about how I feel today? Is my honesty preventing me from saying something that isn't true? She said I didn't love my girlfriend. Keisuke isn't a girl, so I would have lied if I said I loved someone that doesn't exist. Then again, I'm not even sure nani to call these feelings for Keisuke. They're so damn intense, but until I'm certain of them, I'd feel like I lied. Every time the thought of losing Keisuke enters my head I flip out, usually when I'm with him. My panic's making everything worse. I only panic when I'm with him. Am I falling in love with Keisuke, and too scared to admit it? Maybe that's causing my flip outs when I'm with him? I can't stop that little voice in the back of my mind that keeps warning me to expect him to leave like 'Kāsan and the rest.'

Because Takumi knew the main reason for his panic attacks, he was a lot less worried about where his hormonal reactions were leading. The ability to see his life without Keisuke in it had diminished to the point he could no longer see himself without the other man beside him. He had become familiar with the man to whom he was drawn. Feeling secure was difficult for Takumi because of all the people he had trusted that left. All had vanished without a trace as he grew up. The only person he had not yet lost was Itsuke. No other had remained with him except his best friend. Mogi had severely wounded his ability to believe anything that others said Takumi realized with a pang of regret.

The gnawing fears that Keisuke was tiring of him kept Takumi in a perpetual state of chaos. The amber-haired street racer felt his eyebrows knit together as he grappled with himself. He slid damp hands along his pale blue canvas pants. His white, baggy T-shirt shifted with his movements as he tried to find answers that refused to come.

'Keisuke says I'm his boy, . . . , friend easily. When I'm with him, I don't worry so much that he's another man anymore. It doesn't cross my mind that it's a taboo, unlike five weeks ago. So is it that his gender's still bugging me when he's not around? Is there something I missing? Keisuke isn't trying to push me into being someone I'm not, so that isn't a problem now. I don't care about whether or not I'm independent now. I'm figuring out how to handle the emotions Keisuke makes me feel. The pride issue I had has faded. Am I afraid of spending my whole life following his lead? Keisuke insists that he doesn't like me acting docile around him. Knowing I can tell him to stop has helped me cope with seeing him.'

Images of Keisuke's expressions flashed through Takumi's mind. Recalling every detail of his blond companion's subtle habits was easy. Time had burned the blond's mannerisms into Takumi's memory from the year plus that he had known the older street racer. Takumi easily recalled the man's voice, and all the subtleties of emotion he felt in Keisuke's kisses. Even now, Takumi's body heated over the memories with electric pulses flashing down his spine. He huffed, rubbing his neck as he tried to control his imagination. He needed to resolve this issue, not get side tracked.

'I can't be with someone on a whim. If I could, I would have slept with Natsuki when she offered. I really liked her, but I couldn't sleep with her just because she hinted it was fine. Something wasn't right and I knew it. I didn't want any regrets over making that kind of commitment. That helped me keep my hands off Mogi despite her hints. Somehow I knew we wouldn't be together for long. Guess I'm kind of girly that way. It's the kind of thing onnas say to their boyfriends, or so I've heard.'

'Itsuke would probably jump on any chance to sleep with someone just so he wasn't a virgin anymore. Mogi didn't have any problem doing that too. For some reason I can't understand casual sex. I just don't get their way of thinking. If there's not any future with someone, naze sleep with them? It makes the situation way too messy when things fall apart.'

Takumi raked his hands through his dark amber hair as he tried to calm his internal conflict about Keisuke.

'I can't ignore Keisuke even when he isn't hinting that he wants to sleep with me. Part of me wants to be touching him even when he isn't with me. This is very different from when I dated Mogi. I didn't know Keisuke well enough to act on my urges at first, but I've had a damned hard time keeping my hands to myself this last week. He starts to push, and I wish I could stop my panic attacks. Maybe I'm going crazy. I'm tempted to tell Keisuke to ignore it when I panic. Maybe, if we slept with each other, I'd understand nani it's like. Then the damned panic attacks would stop. Naze am I still so afraid of the outcome if we do sleep together? It's not the idea of how we would do it that's got me so freaked out. I'm afraid of things falling apart afterward. Either way, I'm probably going to lose Keisuke if this continues.'

-oo0oo-
- 5
- 6
- 7
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Alternate Tracks 2nd Story in Rivalry Series