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Life After Near Death	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14426 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is the property of Hiro Mashima. I make no money, I just do this for my own pleasure.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
"What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."

― John Steinbeck

Chapter 6

Warmth of Summer, Cold of Winter
The surgery on Gray's spine was successful. His internal organs finally healed, and after four months in the hospital, the doctors deemed him well enough to return home. He was in a wheelchair, though. Despite the successes and medical miracles, Gray could only walk for a few minutes, and then he needed crutches, dragging his dead leg along. Replacing the leg was still an open option, but for now Gray suffered through it. He remembered seeing Ur and the ice leg she created to replace what Deliora took from her. He really did not want to lose a leg like she had…
… Even if that meant his leg was useless.
It was no surprise that he missed the S-Class trials that December. His only reprieve was that Natsu was not picked this time. When the Dragon Slayer loudly protested, Makarov explained that he felt Natsu needed more time to mature. In the end, no one passed.
Winter was Gray's favorite time of the year, but wheeling himself around in the snow was too difficult. He watched the white world from his window, staring out at the holiday lights, listening to carolers, and glaring coldly at all the fun he was missing.
On New Year's Eve, Juvia insisted that he had to come to the guild, and despite his protests, she wheeled him there. Everyone was happy to see him, they were in the midst a big party, but Gray did not feel like celebrating. Although Natsu ran up to him, flinging compliments and insults mixed together, Gray knew all he could do was shout at the Dragon Slayer.
He could not fight. Not anymore.
Plenty of people came up to him. He had missed them, but he hated the sad looks in their eyes. He hated how they looked at the wheelchair first, and then to his legs, and finally up to his eyes. He hated having to look up at everyone.
When he pulled out his crutches and stood, Mira and Lisanna began to fret over him. He felt anger boiling inside. Even if his left leg was dead and he could barely feel the right leg, he could at least stand up. Then Elfman slammed a hand on his back, saying that fighting to overcome injuries was manly, but that powerful strike knocked Gray over. Mira caught him, and Juvia rushed forward with the wheelchair. Gray did not bother to try standing again.
They counted down until midnight. Juvia asked if she could kiss him, and Gray placidly let her. She was thrilled beyond belief that Gray finally gave her a New Year's kiss. Then Cana also kissed him, surprising Gray with lips—and tongue—tasting strongly of beer, which led to a fight between her and one hellishly enraged Juvia. Gray watched as Natsu was about to kiss Lucy, and she held up Happy to hide from his attempt. However, then Loke appeared in a flash and stole a kiss from her anyway.
It was such a typical Fairy Tail party, but Gray felt like he was a stain on everyone's happiness, stuck there in his chair, watching the happiness around him, while he was stuck in his bubble of uselessness and depression.
As always, a fight broke out. Gray wanted to join in. He flung balls of ice at people, but when he got hit and nearly knocked backwards in his chair, Juvia fretfully wheeled him out of the fray. She stood in front of Gray and protected him with her water.
He could not even join in with a simple brawl. Others had to protect him.
"Juvia," he said softly. "It's after midnight. Take me home."
Juvia's eyes lit up. "Gray-sama wants to take Juvia home?"
"I want you to take me to my house. Then leave!"
"Gray-sama is so shy."
He rolled his eyes, not even in the mood to bother with her.
Natsu was in the middle of fighting Gajeel, but he saw the wheelchair moving out of the guild.
"Gray," he whispered sadly. This was all supposed to be a big, fun day to cheer him up after his injury, celebrating the start of a new year and a rebirth of their team. Instead, Gray looked even more gloomy.
Life could move on for everyone else, but Gray's life was changed forever.
Natsu reached up and touched his mouth. Memories of that kiss haunted him. He easily dodged a metal pole from Gajeel.
"I'm done for the night," he muttered, and Natsu began to head for the door.
"What's up, Salamander?" Gajeel barked. "Surrendering? Giving up already? You're as boring as that snowman."
Natsu suddenly spun around and punched Gajeel in the face, sending him flying. Flames burned in Natsu's eyes.
"Don't you dare say anything like that about Gray," he seethed.
He realized people were staring at him. He heard their whispers. 'Since when has Natsu cared that much about Gray?' The flicker in his chest had surged for just a moment, but now he fought it back down. Ashamed and confused, Natsu turned and ran out into the midnight snow.

Juvia got Gray home, although he could tell she had to struggle to push the wheelchair through the snowy sidewalks. He probably could have done some magic, maybe created a sled to ride on instead of the slippery wheels, but he felt too upset. He had not wanted to come out here to begin with. Juvia dragged him out, so she could drag him back. Perhaps a little struggle would make her understand why Gray had pretty much barricaded himself inside his house.
They got inside, and she pushed him to the bedroom. Juvia offered to help him get ready for bed, but he snapped at her to leave. The last thing Gray wanted was more help. Deep down inside, he knew they all meant well, but having to rely on others was not his way. He had lived alone for so long. He used to do missions alone before being forced into a team with Erza, Lucy, Happy, and—of all people—his rival Natsu. As fun as those times had been, now the memories were painful.
They really had gone through a lot of fun and crazy adventures together. It was the best time of his life.
That would never happen again. Maybe he could still be a member of Fairy Tail, but if he could not walk, he could not do the more challenging missions.
"Maybe I should befriend an Exceed and have him fly me around," he muttered to himself.
Gray rolled himself to the bathroom, carefully shifted himself from the chair to the toilet, did his business, then rolled to the sink to wash his face and brush his teeth. He rolled over to the bed, but as he began to shift his body from the wheelchair to the mattress, his hand hit the breaks on the chair, the wheels moved, and he fell, landing on his bad leg and instantly collapsing to the ground. The jolt sent blinding white pain through his spine, where the nerves were still healing, and he screamed in agony.
He heard pounding at the door, and Juvia shouted in, "Gray-sama? Gray-sama, are you hurt?"
He breathed through hisses as the pain lingered, making his stomach ill from the intensity alone. Tears involuntarily streamed down from his eyes.
"Dammit," he growled. His fist punched into the wall. "Goddammit!"
There was the sound of water, a puddle slipped under his door, and Juvia reformed on the other side. She rushed to the bedroom and knelt beside him.
"Gray-sama! Gray-sama, are you okay?"
"Of course I'm not okay!" he snapped.
She grabbed him under the arms and hoisted him to the bed. She had to readjust his bad leg, which hung off the bed uselessly. "Juvia should have stayed. Juvia can help. Juvia wants to help Gray-sama."
"I don't want you," he bellowed in pain and angry. "I don't want anyone. I am sick of seeing nothing but pity. Just…" He sighed and turned his head aside into a pillow. "Just let me be alone for a few days," he said softly. "Let me have some peace and quiet."
Her bottom lip quivered, but she backed off. "Juvia does not mean to bother Gray-sama. Please take care, and good night." She dipped down swiftly, kissing him on the top of his head. "Please get well, Gray-sama, and be safe."
He said nothing as she left again, but it was attitudes like that which annoyed him to no end. People kept telling him "Get well soon" and "I hope you feel better."
If the pain could be erased by just a few words, life would be easier.
However, the pain never went away completely. Either his leg, his stomach, his chest, or just the sickening memories of being shot, physical and mental pain, none of it ever completely went away.
"Is this really how it's going to be?" he asked aloud. He glared at the wheelchair. "Like this? For the rest of my life?"
He looked down at the dead leg. Although Juvia had tried to adjust it, the leg still felt strange. He shifted it a little more until the pain in his hip eased. He felt nothing. The weight of his own leg was surprisingly heavy. He had built up his muscles in both arms and legs. Now, he wondered if his leg would simply wither away.
"Maybe I should cut it off," he muttered. He poked the leg, but still, he felt nothing. "Why hold onto it?"
He knew why, though. He lost a lot that day. Not just his ability to walk. He lost his pride. He lost to that dark wizard, and then Natsu defeated the enemy for him, so in a way he lost to Natsu. He did not want to lose anything more.

It was another snowy, winter day. Gray sat in his wheelchair by the window, gazing out at the world. He had his cigarettes out, smoking one with many burned out butts crushed in an ashtray. He had quit smoking long ago when Lucy complained about the smell. He had to admit, he used to have a crush on Lucy. Now, he supposed she would never want him. She would probably pick Natsu, or maybe Loke, or who knows, maybe blonds stuck together and Laxus or Sting would claim her.
No woman would want some invalid like him.
Well, maybe Juvia still would.
Maybe he should just give up and let Juvia have her way. He did not really love her, she annoyed him too much to feel that way, but he did not dislike her either. He hated feeling so lonely. So far, she was the only one who still visited him frequently.
Still, she had not been by in days. She warned him that she was taking a mission. She looked guilty for leaving, but he knew that she needed to make money.
Gray was just glad that his rent was cheap and he had plenty of savings built up in the bank. Those savings were supposed to go toward a vacation he had been planning for this winter. He had wanted to go with Erza, Lucy, and Natsu up to a mountain resort for a week of skiing.
That obviously would never happen.
He wondered if the rest of their team went on the trip anyway and just did not tell him. Why should they tell him, anyway? It would just be bragging. He did not want to hear about how much fun they were having together, and Erza seemed to understand how he felt. She was keeping the others back, hoping someone who was sweet like Lucy would not make Gray feel smothered, and someone as hyper as Natsu would not accidentally hurt Gray's feelings.
Part of Gray was glad they were not around. It only made him feel deeper how much he was missing out. It made him remember the past, how much fun they had, and that only drove home the fact that he would never have fun times like that again.
Still, another part of Gray missed them. Lucy's smile lit up any room. Erza was like a big sister. Natsu was annoying, but he cared, and he had always pushed Gray to be stronger. Without them around, life was too quiet.
He took a puff on his cigarette and let the smoke slowly drift out. He really had increased his smoking over the past few weeks. He used to only smoke a couple cigarettes a day. Now, he could easily go through a whole pack. Juvia happily bought him more, but he could see that the smell annoyed her. It had really annoyed Natsu back when he first began to smoke. Maybe that was a reason he started. The smell was like an instant Dragon Slayer repellent. It was relaxing, and it kept away Natsu.
Natsu…
Whenever Gray thought about that flame-brain, he thought about that day in the hospital, right after his spine surgery. He had been groggy, but he remembered the strange dream vividly. A mermaid-like version of Natsu had saved him from drowning in a sea of blood. How accurate! However, the mermaid then left him on a deserted island and swam away.
Also damn accurate.
Gray had been saved from death, but he felt isolated now. He could not move around in all that snow. He hated the looks people gave him, the pity in absolutely everyone's eyes at seeing someone so young stuck in a wheelchair. Either pity or annoyance. Since he needed room to move around, since he rolled along slower than people could walk, since he was a nuisance to society, as one rude businessman had shouted, some people got angry at him for simply existing and being in public with his bulky, slow wheelchair.
Angry hatred, he could take. Those sorts of people were just assholes. The pity was what ate away his soul. People who sympathized for him usually meant well. They simply did not realize how nonstop pity could be tedious, if not outright repulsive.
He was saved, but now he felt abandoned, and the pink mermaid who rescued him had left him alone to slowly wither away on his island of solitude.
But there was more that day than the dream.
There was that warmth on his lips.
It bugged him sometimes that he wondered if Natsu had kissed him, just like how the mermaid in his dream had breathed life back into his lungs.
Kissed? He was not sure if Natsu had ever kissed anyone before in his life, besides Happy. Anyway, who wanted to be kissed by a sulfur-breath idiot like him? How stupid!
Gray's hand went up to his mouth. When was the last time he had kissed someone? He used to date girls from time to time. Maybe he was never as popular as Loke, but only because he was not so bad as to date eight girls as once. Still, he had experience, he knew how to kiss them to make them melt, and he remembered the fun of finding some girl while on a mission, just some meaningless night of pleasure. Loke was partly to blame for those flings. Loke was the one who hooked Gray up with his first serious girlfriend after declaring it was a shame that a guy as handsome as Gray was still a virgin.
Gray wondered if Loke knew any girls who did not mind having a boyfriend with paralyzed legs. He also suddenly wondered if he could get hard. He had not had the urge at all since the injury. He glanced down to his crotch as that thought scared him.
The injury had been almost five months ago. He had no morning erections that whole time. He had not felt any desire to masturbate. He had not even thought about wanting to feel that pleasure.
What if he couldn't?
What if the injury had somehow affected there as well?
There was, of course, one way to check, but Gray felt repulsed at just the thought. Jerking off as a science experiment? Sheesh! He was also slightly scared. What if it was true, and he lost his ability to get erect? The possibility terrified him.
Something caught his attention. He looked out the window and saw bright pink amidst the snowy white world. Next to the pink was furry blue. Natsu and Happy walked up to Gray's apartment and apparently convinced the landlady to let them come inside.
"What the hell is he doing here?"
A minute later, there was a knock on the door.
"It's unlocked," Gray called over.
The door banged open, and Natsu marched in. "Oh jeez! It reeks in here." Natsu held his nose and waved his hand at the smoky air around him. "Are you smoking again? You shouldn't, not with your lung this bad. Sheesh, smells like you've smoked a thousand cigarettes. Cheap ones, too. Gah! Open a window or something."
"What the hell do you want, flame-brain?" Gray grumbled.
The pink-head looked over to his friend. "Happy."
"Aye, sir!"
Happy flew forward, grabbed the back of Gray's collar, and yanked him up out of the wheelchair.
"What the…? Let me go, Happy!"
"Let's go," Natsu said, still plugging his nose. He passed Gray's landlady on the way down. "Air out his place, will ya? That can't be healthy."
Gray tried to struggle, but Happy had years of experience in carrying Natsu around even in battle, so Gray's weak flailing did not deter him. "What is this all about, you fire idiot?"
"You'll see," Natsu grinned excitedly.
"Look, at least I need my wheelchair. I can't walk, dammit."
"You don't need to where we're going, and that chair is a pain in the butt. That's why you've locked yourself away in your little fortress of frosty solitude, like the ice princess you are. You can't get around in that stupid chair."
"I also can't walk."
"I told you, you won't need to. Now just shut up like a good little snowman, or else I might have to carry you princess-style again."
"Screw you," Gray growled, but he folded his arms and let Happy carry him.
They went through the town and out to Fairy Hill. For a moment, Gray dreaded that maybe Natsu was dragging him to Juvia, to have her care for him. Instead, he saw Lisanna sledding down the snow-covered hill with Mira. Then suddenly Bickslow went flying by riding inside an inner tube, laughing with his tongue hanging out.
"What?" Gray asked, seeing that all of Fairy Tail was up on the hill
"Come on, Gray," Natsu laughed. "This was your favorite day, when we'd all go sledding. Remember?"
"But … Natsu, I can't…"
Natsu climbed up the snowy hill, and Happy flew to the top carrying Gray. Lucy was eagerly waiting for them, and Erza had the steering rope to a massive sled in her hand.
"Natsu!" Gray shouted. "I can't go riding. I can't walk."
"I told you, you don't have to walk at all," Natsu assured. "Happy, set him down."
"Aye, sir!"
Happy flew over to the sled. Lucy grabbed Gray's paralyzed legs and helped to put them into the sled. He sat down with the sled perched on the top of the hill and looked down at the white slope.
"If this thing flips…"
He suddenly felt heat press up against his back. He looked around in shock to see Natsu right behind him, his legs on either side of Gray, and his arms wrapped around him to hold onto the steering rope.
"If anything happens, I'll take care of it. Just have fun, you idiot," he said.
"Wait, Natsu," Lucy cried out. "I thought I was going to…"
"Let's go!"
"Wait!"
Happy gave them a push. The next thing Gray knew, they were racing down the hill. Snow flew out on both sides of them, the icy wind blew his hair, and Natsu whooped wildly right into his ear. For a second, Gray smiled. This was like old times, playing in the snow.
"Waaaahahaha! See, isn't it fun, Gray? Uh … uh-oh, feeling sick." Natsu turned green and queasy.
"Idiot!"
Suddenly, the sled veered sideways, and they plowed into a snowbank. In the last second before the impact, Natsu grabbed Gray and pushed him down onto the sled, covering him protectively with his own body. Powdery soft snow went all over them, burying the two. Once they stopped and things settled, Natsu pushed himself up, and snow toppled from his back and head. Gray was under him, looking up with shock.
"Are you okay?" Natsu asked worriedly.
Gray looked at the pink hair and those squinty green eyes. He felt the weight of the Dragon Slayer on top of his body, and that warmth radiated down like a blanket in winter. "Y-yeah," he whispered. Then he snapped in annoyance. "Hey, get off me!"
Natsu burst out of the snow, and he pulled the whole sled, Gray and all, out of the snowbank.
"What's the big idea, riding down that hill when you know you get sick? Are you really that much of an idiot?"
"I'm not an idiot, asshole! I just wanted to have fun with you again. Do you realize how boring it's been without you around to annoy me?"
"I can't walk!"
"I don't give a crap about that. In a wheelchair or on your own legs, you can still be there and make things more fun."
"Fun?" Gray cried out. "What's so fun about us always fighting?"
"What the hell do you mean? It's always been fun, right?"
Gray stared in shock. "Always? What, are you some kind of masochist or something? Do you really like when I insult you?"
"I like insulting you back," Natsu yelled. "Fairy Tail just isn't the same. I didn't save your life for you to lock yourself away. I want you back."
"I can't…"
"Goddammit, Gray, we know you can't walk. We know!" Natsu growled and looked away in frustration. Then he knelt beside Gray. "We know that, idiot," he whispered. "We still want you. You're still a member of Fairy Tail. You can't walk? Fine! We'll find something to do that doesn't take walking." He put his hand over Gray's leg. "If you can't use your legs, then I'll make you realize that you can use the rest of your body. If I have to, I'll force you to realize that your life isn't over just because you can't walk."
"How do you plan on forcing me to realize that?"
Natsu pouted stubbornly. "I don't know," he admitted, "but I'll figure it out. Right now," his eyes softened, "let's just have fun, like we used to."
"What if I just want to be left alone?"
"Not gonna happen," Natsu insisted. "Because I heard you laughing when we were flying down that hill. I know it was fun for you. We're gonna do it again, and again, until I see you smiling."
"Why do you care?" he whispered.
"Because…" Natsu froze for a moment as the words stuck in his throat. "Because … I care for you."
Gray looked up in confusion.
"Come on, Gray! We've been friends for ages."
"We've been rivals."
"Same thing!" he shouted. "You've been pushing me from behind since I first arrived here. It's my turn to push you along. I'm gonna do whatever it takes."
Gray turned his head away, feeling burning behind his eyes. "Why?" he hissed. "Why are you so damn persistent?"
"I already told you. We're friends and rivals and teammates. We're nakama. Do I need any other reason?"
Gray saw Lucy running forward to check on them.
"Have it your way," Gray mumbled.
"Good." Natsu stood and dusted off the snow. "He's fine, Lucy. Just an idiot and stubborn."
"Natsu, you're the idiot here!" she scolded. "You know you get sick on transportation."
"Yeah, but I wanted Gray to smile again," he insisted.
"Sheesh!" she sighed, rubbing the strain out of her forehead. "Well, can you pull him up the hill? It's my turn to ride with him now."
Gray stayed seated in the sled as Natsu trudged back up the snowy hill for another run. Despite himself, as he saw all of his friends again, saw them laughing and slipping all over the place, he had to smile.
"Hey, Gray!" Jet shouted over. "Can you make an ice ramp? That way we can go flying off the ramp. You do that every year."
He nodded and put his hands together. "Ice-Make: Ramp!"
Beside the snowy hill formed a sparkling slide of crystalline ice going all the way down with a curve at the end. Jet immediately jumped on it with his inner tube, whizzed down, and at the end of the ramp he went flying into the air with a hoot of joy before crashing into the snow below. Levy went down the ice ramp and flew into the air. Jet managed to catch her before she hit hard. Then Gajeel jumped on, got sick on the way down, and collided heavily right into both Jet and Levy. All three collapsed into a pile.
Wendy clapped her hands. "That looks like such fun. Let's try it, Carla."
"I'm not going on that," the Exceed exclaimed.
Romeo walked up to Wendy. "My sled is big enough, if you want to ride with me."
Wendy blushed brightly. "Oh … th-th-thank you, Romeo."
As he watched others slide down his ramp, Gray laughed softly. Maybe he was useful after all.
"That's what I wanted to see."
Gray jolted and looked over to see Natsu smiling at him. However, the Dragon Slayer turned away quickly. Gray watched him, thinking Natsu was acting a lot stranger than normal.
Cana suddenly sat down behind Gray. "We're going for a ride, snowman."
"Hey!" Lucy shouted. "I said it was my turn!"
"You're as jealous as Juvia," Cana complained.
Lucy puffed out her cheeks and folded her arms. "It's not jealousy! Don't put me on the same level as her."
"Then see ya!" Cana pushed off and slid down the snowy hill, riding behind Gray. She guided the sled with ease, and they came to a smooth stop at the bottom of the hill.
"You're pretty good at sledding, Cana," Gray complimented.
"I might be drunk most of the time, but I'm still able to drive straight." She stood and waited for Gray to get off the sled. It dawned on her belatedly that he could not stand up. "Ugh, don't tell me I have to drag you back up the hill," she moaned. "Damn, I didn't think about that."
Gray's eyes drifted to the side. For how fun it was, he still had to rely on others. He did not like that at all. He had been alone for so long, he was used to being completely self-sufficient.
"I've got him!"
Gray was shocked to see that Natsu had raced down the hill. Cana left Gray to him, and Natsu grinned as he grabbed the sled rope.
"I'm only doing this two more times, got it?" Natsu insisted. "Make sure you ride with Lucy. She really wanted to have fun with you. Maybe you two can hook up."
"I thought she'd hook up with you," Gray said as they saw Mira and Erza racing one another down the hill on sleds, looking fiercely competitive.
"Huh? Me and Lucy?" Natsu asked in shock. "She's like … like a sister or something."
"Same here. Like Erza."
"Precisely. Like Erza is a big, mean, scary sister."
"You're only saying that now because she's at the bottom of the hill and can't hear you."
"Hey, I'm not suicidal!"
Gray looked off at the guild having fun. "Um, Natsu … uh, that day, on the bridge. Sorry about that."
"You were just being stupid. I'm used to it."
"I really did plan to jump," Gray muttered. "When I got there … I dunno. I just didn't want to anymore. I thought to myself: what a waste! Everything the doctors did, how hard all those nurses worked, it'd be a waste if I just jumped into a river and let myself drown."
Natsu glanced back at him with sorrowful eyes.
"At the same time…" He looked down at his legs. "My life is never going to be the same."
"Who wants life to stay the same as always?" Natsu shrugged. "It's boring that way."
"Maybe," Gray agreed. "But it's not much of a life to look forward to."
"Don't talk like that or I'll bury you in the snow." Natsu frowned as he trudged up the hill. "We'll do something about it."
"I don't want to hold back the team."
"I don't mean about missions. I mean about you."
"About me?" asked Gray. "The doctors did all they can. They said I'll eventually regain the use of my right leg, but not the left one."
"And like I said, we'll do something about it. We'll find a healer who can repair damage like that."
"Makarov's already asked…"
"I said we'll figure it out," Natsu snapped. "For now, let's just have fun. We can be a group of friends and not be wizards-for-hire, right? So let's be friends. You don't need legs to be a friend. If worst comes to worst, we'll find someone who can teach you levitation magic. Hah! Then you really would float around like a snowflake princess."
"Shut up, sulfur-breath!"
As Natsu pulled him up the hill, they bickered back and forth. The rest of Fairy Tail watched with light smiles, glad to see Gray and Natsu back to their old habits.

Next Chapter: "Pain and Pleasure"

A/N: Have a wonderful and safe New Year!
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Life After Near Death